When Life Begins
by Mercy2908
Summary: This is an AU story, set in modern times, and our dear riders are part of the staff of a hospital.
1. Chapter 1

**When Life Begins**

**Chapter 1**

A faint smell of toast, eggs and coffee lingered in the air, which like every morning conveyed that another day had just begun. The noise of the traffic sneaked inside, disturbing the peace and quiet of the room. An hour ago laughter, soft voices and the clacking of the cutlery against the plates had resounded in the now silent kitchen as its occupants had their daily breakfast, but now everything was quiet except for the noise of the cars and vehicles circulating outside.

A tiny humming voice, muffled by the sounds of humanity outside, approached from down the corridor until it became part of the kitchen. A young woman waltzed in and walked straight to the far end. Without stopping her humming she took out four slices from the bread basket and started to prepare her lunch for today. With slow movements she buttered the bread and then slipped a nice assortment of vegetables and ham between the slices. She was so intent on the task that she never heard somebody else coming into the kitchen; only when a voice sounded behind her did she realize that she wasn't alone. "Ready to start?"

She turned round with a big smile on her lips to the voice, as she clearly recognized it. The voice came from an older woman with a candid face and kind features. "More than ready, Mother. I'm excited but also a bit scared."

"You'll be fine, Louise."

"I hope so. It means a lot to me," the young woman replied as she ran her fingers through her short brown hair several times, a sign that showed that she was a nervous wreck. She kept thoughtful for a moment and then she added, "I'm so glad that I could get into the program... I'm certain that it was quite competitive and it was a total relief that they didn't mind that I couldn't do the interview face to face. I thought I had lost my chance when I realized I wouldn't be able to fly to the country. I'm surprised they agreed to interview me by telephone."

"That's because they know my girl's the best. You're good, Louise." The young woman smiled at the compliment, pleased and proud of hearing the praise from her lips. "And I'm so happy to have you here. I missed you."

"I'm happy to be home too," Louise admitted.

"Five years is such a long time."

"It's not that we haven't seen each other," Louise protested lightly, feeling that the older woman was exaggerating. "I spent ten days with you here last summer."

"But it's not the same. This is your home and the gap you left was too evident... at least for me."

"I know what you mean, Mother. I feel the same."

"And it's a shame you're not back for good," the woman let out in a pathetic voice.

Louise came closer to her and taking her hand, she squeezed it warmly. "I'm here now. That's what counts, isn't it? And let's not get ahead of ourselves. We have a long, long year ahead of us." She paused briefly and added in a soft voice, "You know this is something I need to do... I long to do."

The older woman nodded, but still she retorted, "You know, if you wanted, you could..."

"Please don't start with that!" Louise exclaimed, cutting her off. Regretting her gruffness, she hurried to apologize, "I'm sorry... but you're well aware of what I think about the matter and I'm not cut out for that."

"And you know what my opinion is, but I won't insist."

"I really thank you, honestly, but that's not for me," Louise replied, thus concluding the topic for the moment but fully aware that it would not be the last time it would come up.

"Did you talk to your sister last night?" the woman asked, tactfully changing a subject that was too uncomfortable for the two of them.

"Uh...no. I'll drop by her place sometime this week."

"She hasn't come and seen me for ages," the older woman complained morosely.

"You know what Theresa's like. And with her new job and Annie she must be very busy." Louise watched her solemn face and added, "I'll tell her to come and visit you, all right?"

"As you wish," came the unenthusiastic response. "So if it wasn't Theresa, who called last night?"

"Uh..." Louise fumbled for words, but knowing that she could not keep the truth from her, she blurted out her answer with an unhappy expression, "It was Frank."

"What on earth did he want from you?" the woman asked with obvious dislike.

"Nothing. We just talked."

"Talk about what?"

"Nothing special... just small talk. You know we're friends."

The woman shook her head as she muttered, "I will never understand it. It's..."

"Oh Marmee!" Louise exclaimed, using the nickname she had adopted for her long ago from the book her mother used to read to her before bedtime when she was still a small tyke. "Little Women" had been her all-time favorite and from time to time she still used that moniker. "Please, Marmee," she repeated in a softer tone, "don't pull that long face on me! You know I love you." And in a sudden and unexpected impulse she gave her a big bear hug and kissed her on the cheek, which made the woman laugh.

"Oh, Louise, you'll never change!" she let out among giggles.

"And why should I?" Louise replied, lifting her chin in a proud, mocking way.

"Yes, you're absolutely right."

Louise smiled at the woman. Talking about Frank was a sore topic for reasons she could actually understand but not share. She couldn't and didn't want to discuss him and before his name was mentioned again, she decided that a retreat now would be her best move. "I'd better go now. I don't want to be late on my first day."

"You still have plenty of time," the older woman replied and when she saw Louise take hold of a small helmet from one of the kitchen tops she exclaimed, "Don't tell me you're taking that thing!" Louise simply smiled to answer the question and the woman continued, "This is the big city and not the village you come from. Do you know how many car accidents there are every day here?"

"I have to admit that I don't, but I'm sure you're gonna enlighten me, aren't you?" Louise replied teasingly.

"I'm serious."

"I know you are and you also know that I've been cycling all my life, and I've always lived in this city but for the last five years. I'll be fine..." She inhaled deeply and added, "And now I gotta go." Once again she planted a kiss on the woman's cheek, and grabbing the helmet and the bag with the sandwiches, she headed for the door. "I'll see you tonight."

"And be good."

Louise stopped at the threshold and turning to her she said, "I'm always good, aren't I?"

The woman nodded with a smile and she simply muttered, "That's what I'm afraid of."

* * *

The alarm clock buzzed loudly, followed by a deep moan and a strong thump which deadened the disturbing sound at once. He slowly opened one eye and seeing the time flashing on the clock display screen, he let out a soft curse. He knew that he should have turned in earlier but the guys had hooked him for a drink the night before and what should have been a nice, quiet evening at home had wound up with him going back to his apartment at three o'clock in the morning. He usually did not drink but the beers he had indulged in last night were giving him a mild headache. With another moan he finally slid out of bed and staggered across the darkened room, almost stumbling on one of his shoes, which he had left scattered on the floor. He managed to reach his bathroom and his eyes squinted against the light as his hand turned the switch on.

"Kid, my friend, you look terrible," he muttered to himself as he looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His sandy hair was all tousled, his blue eyes were red-rimmed and his stubble made him look like a beggar. Without delay he put all his efforts in making himself presentable and half an hour later the man coming out of the bathroom bore just a vague resemblance to the one who had stepped in. With fresh clothes and a hot shower he felt like a new man even though he still had a headache and his weariness hadn't completely gone.

While the coffee pot brewed on the stove, Kid quickly tidied up his spacious bedroom. Last night's clothes were all scattered on the floor and the air inside was a bit stale. He picked up the garments to wash them later and opened the window for the fresh breeze to blow in. He didn't bother to make the bed. Like every morning he was in a hurry and all he had time for was a taste of his very first coffee, a pleasure that he would not renounce. His working days were long and hard, and these fifteen minutes sitting at the kitchen table by himself while savoring the strong flavor in his mouth was the best time of the day. Yet, in the quiet morning he always felt kind of cold and lonely in his impeccable kitchen.

His apartment looked humongous, practically swallowing his figure like an enormous giant. He should have been sharing all this space with her, and instead of this deathly silence, the walls should have been witness of their quiet conversation, their laughter or simply the sounds of their daily life. Five years. She had been gone for five long years, but her memory always accompanied him every morning like an eternal ritual. The day she had dropped the bomb on him, he had been so shocked that he had been unable to react, and today he felt he was still in shock since that day five years ago. He still didn't know how he had been so blind about her, about their love and the moment she had stepped out of his life, he had started a long and painful road alone. His whole life had been filled by her and even when she had gone, everything around him had been a constant reminder of her and her absence. And to make matters worse, he had kept the apartment where they were supposed to have started their life together. Having sold his bachelor pad, he had felt forced to move in here and even though his intentions had been to sell it as soon as he could, five years had passed and here he was.

The place was too big even for a couple, let alone for a single man, but she had taken an instant liking to it, and he had to admit that he had also imagined himself growing old with her between these four walls... The walls were still there but she was nowhere. He was still here alone, and he had been stuck with a mortgage which made him shiver whenever he saw the monthly payment on his bank statement.

Money was just money after all, and that was one of his least concerns. It was the gap... the loneliness he had been left with. In these five years he had attempted to fill that vacuum, but for some reason nothing had worked. It was as if she had left a deep-rooted mistrust in him and he got disappointed and apathetic at the first sign of trouble. Kid hated the person she had turned him into. All he wished was to be able to grab the reins of his own life and get back on track. It was foolish to think that he had been put on hold and could not walk straight without falling flat on his nose, but that was the way he felt.

Another morning. Another coffee. His daily ritual. Every time he told himself that he would get rid of the apartment and start over, but then a new day arrived and another coffee, and another week and another year, and probably an entire lifetime. Kid let out a sigh as he swallowed the last gulp of his coffee. Without any delay he rose to his feet, grabbed his briefcase and jacket and as he crossed the door, he told himself, "Enjoy your day, your pathetic, long day!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Here we go, Louise," she told herself as she put her old bike in motion. It was so pleasant to feel the morning air fill her lungs and touch her skin, but the deafening noise of the cars whizzing by her side dampened the effect. She surely was going to miss those quiet and lovely morning rides to her clinic. Traffic on the island was also heavy and in some areas it was absolutely hideous. Yet, she always managed to avoid the signs of humanity by taking hidden paths and crossing woods, parts that it was not advisable to go through, but she had always preferred to ride in those rather than face the chaotic and noisy traffic. Here, though, there was no alternative route to reach her destination and she had to meander through this jungle of tar, noise and smoke.

As Louise pedaled along, thoughts and memories crowded her head. It was simply unbelievable that just a few days ago she had been thousands of miles away in very different scenery and surrounded by a different atmosphere. Life really changed quickly. Even though this was the city that she had been born and grown up in, she still felt disoriented and unsettled in these surroundings. She had been told that it was simply the effects of jet lag in her body, but she knew it was more than that. When she had left five years ago, she had believed that she would never be able to live anywhere else. Yet, strangely enough after being away all this time she felt annoyed by many of the things she had always lived with, like the traffic. Of course she was happy to be back home, but she was going to miss having a simpler way of life... like the one she had led in the last five years.

Louise briskly continued swooshing among the crawling lines of cars, taxis and other vehicles. Her eyes never faltered and kept focused, watching everything around her carefully. The ride was quite stressful, but she'd rather do this any day than be squeezed in a subway car among hundreds of people like a sardine in a tin. And driving had never been her cup of tea. It was strenuous, polluting and even unnerving at times. No, she preferred to take her old bike, her faithful friend. Physical exercise in the morning made her feel invigorated and it was the first push to start the day with strength and renewed energy.

* * *

Kid took the elevator down to his building's garage and slowly walked to the usual place he parked his car. He grabbed his keyless remote and pressed the unlock button. The headlights of his blue BMW M6 convertible flashed and without any further delay he got in it. Like every morning as soon as he started the car, he switched on the radio, ready to listen to the news. And like every morning there was nothing new: an accident had taken place in the traffic circle, the conflicts continued in the Middle East and the crime rate in the city had increased once again.

As Kid drove on, he went over his agenda for the day in his head. Like every Monday he would be up to his ears in work and on top of it all, there was the extra pain in the neck, which his boss had skillfully dumped on him. A very nice jewel. In his boss's words _"it was high time you took more responsibilities, Kid,"_ and he had blathered on and on about how proud and pleased he was of having him as part of the team. Of course Kid had been unable to refuse and had accepted the job begrudgingly. He just hoped that this new addition would not make his days more difficult than they were. Maybe, he thought hopefully, he could see this new challenge as a step forward in his career. After all, it was his job where he focused all his energies and maybe that was why he had gained so much success in his young life.

Sometimes he felt there was nothing much for him apart from work. He hardly had any family left. His mother had died years ago and he had not heard a word from his father in ages... luckily, he added mentally. His older brother Jed was the only one left in the family who he saw from time to time. Jed was a restless soul and was more often than not drifting from one place to another, from one job to another. The last time Kid had heard from him he had been in Mexico, and that had been months ago. Most times Jed showed up it was when he got himself into trouble or needed money. So once the problem was solved or the money pocketed, he disappeared yet again. Kid knew that his brother was not a bad guy and there was a genuine deep affection between them; Jed was simply the kind of man that would never settle down and had a predisposition to trouble.

The news on the radio came to its end and a cheerful tune started to play as Kid pulled his car to a halt at the red traffic light. He whistled along and tapped on the steering wheel in time with the music as his head was busy with other thoughts. Despite his past history and apparent loneliness, he could not complain. He had good friends and his life was less empty because of them. They had been his biggest support when he had felt down in the dumps those years ago. Kid wondered where he would be today if they had not forced him to come out of the hole he had dug to hide himself. There was no way he could know and he did not want to think about those miserable times. Yeah, he could not complain. This was not the way he had envisioned he would be today, but that was how things had worked out for him.

The red light changed to green and an impatient motorist honked behind him, which made him realize that he could resume his driving. He lifted his extended hand over his head, conveying an apology for his distraction and turned his car right. He realized he was definitely still half asleep and needed another shot of strong coffee as soon as he got to the hospital. "You need to wake up, fool," he muttered to himself, unaware that in a few minutes an unexpected event would finally manage to wake him up... completely.

* * *

Louise left the bustle and hustle of the city center and rode into a much quieter area, a cluster of streets lined with houses on each side. As she reached the far end of the lane, she decided to take a short cut through the park. At this time of the day there weren't many people in sight, just a few doing their daily jogging and some others who had taken their dogs for a walk or to respond to nature's call. Louise breathed in deeply, relishing the smell of the flowers and trees, which was definitely a nice break from her incursion among the heavy traffic.

This morning ride was doing her good and her nerves had calmed down a bit. She knew it was stupid to feel this apprehensive and jittery. It was a new challenge, a new step and it was not as if she was a complete beginner in the field. She knew the ropes and had been working successfully for the last few years with its inherent ups and downs. Most importantly, she loved her job and was totally devoted to it. There was nothing to be afraid of, and this new stage in her life would help her in her next enterprise. That was the main reason why she had been so eager to get a position in the program. If she had been turned down, she'd have stayed and continued working at her old clinic, and would have had to seek suitable instruction in other ways.

Her bicycle reached the limits of the park and entered the road again. The traffic in this part was much less dense and she continued her riding, never noticing the car coming out from the intersecting street she was about to cross.

* * *

Kid cursed inwardly as he stopped at a traffic light for the umpteenth time. The morning seemed determined to make him late as he had come across all the red lights on his way. He felt a bit flushed despite the air conditioning being at full steam, so he pressed a small button on the right of the steering wheel and the top slowly folded up. Actually the airy breeze made him feel much better. Being the beginning of July, the day was balmy and sunny, a lovely one to spend somewhere else other than working and he wondered why it always rained and was miserable on his days off.

As the red light changed again, he quickly drove on. Not many cars were driving in this part of the city today, and he put his foot on the accelerator. The car picked up speed, without breaking the limit. Last week he had been late twice and he didn't want to repeat the story just at the beginning of the week. He dashed down the street, the wind waving his blonde hair. As he was reaching the end of the street and the crossing, his eyes quickly checked the time on the clock on the dashboard, a brief distraction that made him miss the stop and the cyclist in his way at the moment. Fortunately, he reacted instantly and slammed on the brake, making the car screech.

It was too late when Louise noticed the car and she could not do anything to stop in time. Her bicycle bumped against the car bodywork and she heavily fell onto the tar of the road, letting out a muffled cry.

"Oh my God!" he cried out, his eyes wide as saucers and his heartbeat racing.

In a flash Kid shot out of his car and ran to the fallen cyclist, who he could clearly see was a woman. "Please don't be hurt," he whispered, reaching her side and gently checking his pulse and breathing. Disoriented and sore because of the fall, Louise noticed strong hands touching her and roughly she pushed them away as she rose back to her feet. When she turned to the person, she came face to face with a couple of blue eyes that were gazing at her with concern. "Are you all right, Ma'am?"

"Uh..." Lou started awkwardly, looking around herself. Her bike lay on the ground; its front tire was badly damaged and her right ankle hurt awfully. As she spied the blue car that had knocked her over behind the man, she realized that he was its driver and her anger burst. "What on earth were you trying to do? Kill me?"

"I'm sorry, but..."

"If you don't know how to drive, take the bus!" Louise ranted, not letting him finish his apology. "Who do you think you are? A blind Road Runner or just a clumsy and pathetic coyote?"

Her cocky and overpowering attitude was extremely irritating and he retorted in the same tone she was using. "And how the hell do you get off riding a bicycle so recklessly in this city and at this God damned time of the day?"

Louise could not believe what she was hearing and her anger soared by the minute. "Are you trying to say that this is all my fault? Look, Mister, it is you who ran that stop sign... you who almost ran me over... and now my bike is useless, I have sprained my ankle and I'll surely be late."

Her string of reasons managed to cool him down and admitting to himself that she was right, he added, "I'm sorry, Ma'am. Please let me help you. We can call an ambulance and if you let me, I can have a look..." The horns from cars and shouts of the people behind him cut his speech short and he realized that his car was causing a major gridlock. "Let me move my car out of the way first and then we can see to our ... matter." Kid smiled in her direction, but she remained serious, so without saying anything else, he walked back to his automobile.

Kid quickly started the engine and turned to the left where he found a parking space at the far end of the street perpendicular to the one where the incident had taken place. After locking his car, he quickly walked back to the spot, but the woman was not there anymore. Thinking that she might have moved out of the road to the sidewalk, he ran up and down the street and then he saw her hobbling down one of the alleys. She was limping while clumsily dragging her dented bike along. "Ma'am!" Kid called. "Ma'am!" Yet, she never answered and continued hobbling on and when she reached the end of the alley, she turned the corner and disappeared from his sight.

Kid shook his head as he started back to his car. "Crazy woman," he muttered. She had not even let him look at her sore ankle or help her. Kid hoped that she had not hit anything delicate in that fall, but there was nothing he could do right now. _"This city is packed with crazy women. No wonder there are so many single men. How difficult can it be to find a nice girl?" _Kid silently wondered and without one more thought to the woman and the incident, he drove away.

* * *

"You're late!" was the first thing Emily told him as soon as she saw him appear through the door of the OB/GYN clinic.

"I know, I know!" Kid grunted as he hurriedly dashed past her booth, without even sparing a glance in her direction.

"Hey!" the girl called in a loud voice, leaning her body over the counter. Kid stopped and walked back to her with a questioning expression. "Where are your manners, young man?" Emily scolded him, her arms akimbo. "No 'good-morning, Emily', no 'how are you, Emily?' Nothing! I may be just the receptionist, but that's no reason to give me the brush-off."

"Yes, you're right and I'm sorry," Kid apologized, hanging his head low and blushing hotly at being reprimanded like a schoolboy in front of all the patients in the crowded waiting room. He should know better than to cross Emily. She was a heck of a character when she was in a bad mood, but otherwise she was a sweet and lovely woman. She always had a welcoming smile on her face for everybody that came through the door and it was a charming sight to behold in a place where people weren't willing to go. Emily had worked in the clinic ever since Kid had first started his training.

Emily smirked, amused at his reaction. She loved embarrassing Kid, a particular game of hers. He really looked cute when he blushed like a sweet boy. "Ok, but don't let it happen again."

"No, Ma'am," he replied, his eyes twinkling with obvious merriment. They laughed together for a few moments and when they sobered, she asked, "So why are you late this morning?"

"You'd better not ask," Kid replied with a wry expression. He did not want to talk about his strange accident. That crazy woman had walked away and had not given him the chance to sort out the matter in a friendly way. It would not surprise him if sooner or later he would get served with a lawsuit. That woman must surely have written down his car plate number and would demand compensation for all the injuries she would claim he had inflicted on her. If she sued him, his insurance would go through the roof and he would probably have to waste time with a lawsuit he'd be better off spending at work. "Has Teaspoon asked after me?" he inquired, changing the subject to his second worry that morning.

"Yes, he did," Emily answered, and on seeing his grave expression, she added, "I told him that you'd called and were stuck in the middle of a massive traffic jam."

"Thanks, Emily."

"You owe me big, boy," the woman quipped, winking at him.

Kid nodded, chuckling at her words. "I know I do. When you and Ike have a baby, you'll have the best medical care you can ever dream of. Then we'll be even."

"Ha, ha, very funny," she retorted ironically, furrowing her brow at the reference of a baby. "And Kid, I'd have to have a dozen children for all the times I've saved your backside. Then we will be even, but I'm not planning on taking care of the world's repopulation."

"Have a good day, Em," Kid simply said with a grin and continued on his way. He felt he was in his element in the hospital. It was his own natural habitat where he felt free and good with himself. He had wanted to become a doctor for as long as he remembered. There had never been a single doubt about it. When he entered medical school, he had never felt prouder than at that moment. His first idea had been to do his specialty in oncology, but in his second year a visit to the maternity ward at the local hospital had made him see the light and understand that he wanted to be part of the beginning of life into the world and not of the terrible ending. So that enlightening moment had made him change his course. After medical school, he had done his internship and residency in obstetrics and gynecology, and today he was a proud OB/GYN. Kid loved his job and would not change it for anything in this world.

He dashed along the corridor, greeting the patients and staff he came across. From down the passage a wide bright smile flashed before his eyes and he cringed at the sight of her. He did not feel like talking to her right now but there was no way he could dodge her as the woman walked straight up to him. "Hey, handsome. Did your alarm clock let you down this morning?"

"Morning, Samantha," he greeted her without much enthusiasm. "Excuse me for rushing but I'm already running too late."

Kid tried to dash past her, but she grabbed him by the arm, stopping his intentions. "I heard that you had a blast last night... You should've asked me to tag along and I assure you would have had much more fun... and I'd have made sure that you'd got up in time."

Samantha wiggled her eyebrows enticingly, which made Kid squirm awkwardly. "Uh... it was something I didn't plan. The guys just hooked me ... like always. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to be on my way." Samantha nodded, her bright smile never faltering. "See you later," he concluded as he removed her hand from his arm.

"You bet you will," the woman muttered while leering at his fleeting figure, and when he turned the corner of the corridor and disappeared from her sight, she sighed and went on her way.

Kid groaned inwardly as he quickly dashed into the elevator and pressed the button of the floor where he intended to stop. He absolutely hated this situation with Samantha and her advances. A few months ago they had dated for a few weeks but the relationship had not progressed the way Kid had wanted, and he had stopped things in time. Yet, Samantha had not had the same opinion and had almost thrown a tantrum when he had told her he wanted to break up with her. Samantha Edgars was a very attractive and exuberant woman, and of course like any man would he had felt a sudden physical attraction when she became part of the team; but when he got to know her better, he realized that there was not anything other than a purely physical relationship. Kid wanted something more and knew that he wasn't... wouldn't fall in love with her. After getting over her heartache, Samantha had started a campaign of attack against him and did not miss a chance to hit on him whenever they came across each other. More than once Kid had explained to her how things were between the two of them, but Samantha simply decided to ignore him and kept on going over the same thing tirelessly. Kid was running out of patience and swore to himself that he would never again start a romance with somebody from work. The situation was getting too awkward and lately Kid had opted for brushing her off. Apparently, his words and his efforts to make her understand were in vain; he just would not go on with the same old song every time she came up with her smutty comments. Hopefully she would end up catching the message and get tired of her senseless harassment.

The elevator came to a halt and its door opened with a soft ping. Kid shot out of it and quickly entered his office where he left his briefcase. As he was getting out of his jacket and into his white coat, some steps behind him caught his attention. Turning around he saw Jimmy Hickok, his colleague and best friend, leaning against the doorframe, an amused smirk on his lips.

"What, Jimmy?"

"A bad morning, is it?" Hickok quipped as he saw his friend's expression.

"You can't imagine how bad," Kid replied ruefully. "And to make matters worse, I had a lovely conversation with our femme fatale."

Jimmy laughed at the comment. "Samantha won't give up, will she?" Kid shook his head resignedly and his friend added, "You should make the most of it. All the sex you want and no strings attached. Man, I say, go for it. The lady's more than willing to satisfy a man, so why not?"

"Yeah, right," Kid replied sarcastically. "It's easy for you to say so, but you should be in my shoes. I just don't want to make the whole thing more complicated than it is already."

"Hey guys!" a voice came from behind the pair and they saw Cody appear with a goofy smile on his face. The blonde-haired man was in his third year of residency and by this time the following autumn he would be a fully-qualified doctor. Since he joined the team, Cody had become an indispensable part of it. He was a prankster and the official buffoon of the hospital and there wasn't a party that he didn't attend. "Late again, Kid?" Cody asked with a satisfied grin.

Kid made an unhappy gesture while he exclaimed, "Is there anybody who doesn't know?"

"I'm afraid not, my friend," Cody replied. "Mrs. Kaplowski wasn't very pleased about being stood up this morning and has been shouting from every corner how her favorite doctor hadn't been here for her appointment."

"Just great," Kid let out ironically. Yet, deep down he was glad to have missed his appointment with the aforementioned lady. She was a real pain in the neck and never seemed satisfied. Since she got pregnant, there was not a single day she did not call the clinic, asking about the most trivial matters and Kid had already had her in his office more than any other pregnant woman in his whole career.

"So what happened this time?" Jimmy asked breezily.

"I had an accident," Kid blurted out and on seeing the expression of horror on the other two doctors' faces, he proceeded to explain what had happened that morning. "I'm in deep trouble, aren't I?" Kid questioned rhetorically simply voicing what he already knew.

"Maybe she just walked away and wants to forget about the matter," Cody offered.

"Do you think so?" Kid asked hopeful at his words.

"Naw... she'll sue you," the young blonde man retorted and both he and Jimmy burst out laughing while Kid made a bitter gesture. He did not appreciate his friends making fun of a problem that was worrying him more and more by the minute. Thinking that he might get into a laborious legal matter, just because of a momentary mistake, made him sigh bitterly.

"Don't fret, Kid," Hickok continued when he had sobered, he patted his friend on the shoulder encouragingly. "It can't be that bad. Maybe Cody is right. For all you know, she might just be a crazy woman with better things to do... because who in their right mind dares to use a bike in this city of ours?"

"Somebody who'd make a living by deliberately getting in the way of naive and unsuspecting motorists," Cody quipped, which gained him a glare from Hickok.

Kid nodded his head, understanding what his friend meant. There were too many crooks and swindlers in this world, and with his bad luck lately he would not be surprised if he had got himself in a deep puddle of mud. If that woman knew what she was doing, that little distraction was going to cost him dear. "I just hope I'll never see her again... ever again!" he exclaimed raising his hands to the sky. Dreaming was free of charge and maybe his hopes would come true for this once... or maybe not.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Sitting on a bench on one side of the road, Louise grunted and groaned in a low voice. The day could not have started worse. Having an accident on her first day would not look good but it was not as if she had asked for it. Because of that clumsy man she was going to be late and still he had wanted her to hang around while he moved his impeccable car out of danger's way. Well, she did not have time to spare and had simply walked away. His summons had vaguely reached her but she wouldn't ... couldn't stop. Yet, she knew she hadn't acted as she should. Remembering how she had flown off the handle filled her with deep embarrassment and regret. Her fiery character had always been her main personal concern and even though she had made great progress in controlling it over the last few years, from time to time it made its explosive appearance. Of course it had been natural to react as she had on this occasion; she had got quite a scare when that car had almost run her over. However, despite everything she had to admit that she wasn't very proud of herself at this very moment.

Her ankle was hurting more than she had initially thought it would and as soon as she had found a bench, she had flopped down on it, exhausted and sore. As she was a cautious woman, she always carried a first aid kit with her, and taking it out of her knapsack, she opened it over her lap. From inside she got some ointment and a roll of bandages. After carefully pulling up her left jeans leg and rolling down her sock, she smeared the cream all over her ankle and tightly put the bandage round her leg. "That'll have to do," she told herself while she unrolled the leg of her jeans and pulled up her sock.

Luckily the hospital was not far, and it would not take her long to reach it. Yet, when she rose to her feet, pain shot from her foot and she had to choke a scream. Her ankle was starting to swell and her skin felt too tender. The weight of her whole body over her left foot made her feel as if she was walking over fire. She had no alternative but to keep going and as best as she could, she started to hobble towards her destination, which would be much better if she did not have to push the dang bike along on top of everything else.

Sweating and puffing, Louise got to the entrance of the clinic twenty minutes later than she had intended. Her stunned eyes lifted to gaze at the high and massive building lifting before her. It was more impressive and threatening than she had thought. Here she was, skinny little Louise McCloud ready to be swallowed by this gigantic and cavernous place. Her nerves came back with full force even though she kept telling herself to calm down. This was just another step, another challenge, nothing else. Hadn't she had to travel thousands of miles almost overnight? Hadn't she faced problems and situations she hadn't had a clue about? Hadn't she learned to survive in a hostile environment? Didn't she have the biggest support she could have? Yeah, she had, and she would be able to pull this one off. She could do this and more.

Louise kept staring at the building with a flabbergasted expression. This was not the first time she laid eyes on it, but for some strange reason today it looked twice its size. She had even stayed in the hospital when she had had her tonsils removed at eight, but not even at that early age had the building inspired the apprehension she was actually feeling today.

Not wanting to waste any more time with her staring, she proceeded to meet her new environments. She chained her bike to one side, ignorant of how ridiculous her action was. Nobody would want to steal something that was completely useless now, but she still secured the chain around its frame anyway. With slow steps she walked to the ramp, next to the marble external stairs, leading to the main entrance. The ointment she had applied to her leg was taking an effect and her ankle did not hurt so much. Yet, her pace was far from being back to normal.

Louise finally managed to climb the ramp and crossed the entrance. She walked straight to the woman behind the counter in the waiting room.

"Good morning," she greeted with a wide smile. "Could you kindly tell me where I can find Doctor Hunter?"

Emily lifted her head and eyed the newcomer carefully. "Do you have an appointment with him?"

"Yeah, he's waiting for me. My name's Louise McCloud."

"Oh you're the new blood," Emily quickly quipped and noticing the odd expression in the other woman's countenance she realized she had talked without thinking. "Please forgive my boldness. It's just the jargon we use in these parts."

Louise smiled brightly as she replied to the lady. "Oh no offense taken. You're right. I'm the new blood, the new stuff."

"My name's Emily Metcalfe. And now let me show you where you can find Teas... I mean, Doctor Hunter." The young woman rounded the counter and pointed at the corridor opposite them that Lou had to take.

"Top floor?" Louise asked after Emily had finished giving her the directions.

"Yeah, right on the top. You know, all the big bosses are up in the high places to look down at us poor mortals." Louise laughed at the comment and Emily added, "But he is nice, very nice indeed."

"Thanks for the information, Emily. I gotta run now or I'll be kicked out before I even put a foot inside." She had forgotten about her sore ankle and as she proceeded to dash down the corridor, she let out a soft whimper and had to lean her hand on the wall to avoid falling down.

"I think you're not in any condition to be running anywhere," Emily remarked. "Are you all right?"

Louise nodded with a serious countenance. "Yeah, I'm fine. A car kind of ran me over this morning."

On hearing her words Emily opened her eyes with an expression of utter horror. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Oh yeah, totally," Lou replied, disregarding her concern. "Nothing happened. Only my ankle's bothering me. I already had a look at it and it's fine."

"Maybe you should have somebody check on you. You know... this is the right place, and it's full of these strange men and women in white coats called doctors."

Louise laughed heartily at Emily's comment. She had the hunch that she would get along well with her and after her disastrous start that morning it was a hopeful sign that the first person she met in the clinic was somebody so kind and friendly.

A few people had gathered before Emily's booth and were impatiently glaring at her. "I'd better return to my cave... duty calls," she said as she started walking away. "Enjoy your first day and please avoid getting in the way of crazy, reckless drivers."

"Thank you!" Lou exclaimed and watched Emily calming down the impatient and unhappy patients. Without wasting a single more second Louise turned on her heels and resolutely marched in the direction the kind receptionist had shown her.

About ten minutes later Lou stood before the target door. The secretary had told her that Doctor Hunter was expecting her and she could let herself in immediately. Yet, Louise stood before the door, reading the plate on its surface like in a trance. _"Dr Aloysius Hunter. Obstetrics and Gynecology. Head of Department."_ After running her eyes over it several times, she finally got a grip of herself and decided to knock. A muffled, hoarse _"come in"_ reached her ears and she proceeded to turn the knob.

The first image she received on entering was surprising, to say the least. A middle-aged man was sitting behind an elegant big mahogany desk; a red-checked napkin stuck in his shirt collar which fell on his chest; a bowl of spaghetti with meat sauce in front of him. As soon as he noticed Louise's presence, his face creased into a surprised frown. "Uh... I thought you ... you were Agnes... my secretary." The woman did not say anything and just stood in the middle of the spacious office awkwardly. "I... I... usually get myself a strong breakfast... Good Jim from the cafeteria always gets me these delicatessen for my breakfast… the best meal of the day," he exclaimed clumsily. "But you won't breathe a word of this to the little woman, will you?"

"No... No, I won't," Louise agreed even though she was not sure to what and had no idea who the woman was.

"You see, she's constantly pounding me about my cholesterol levels... over and over again," he added with a comical expression.

Louise stifled the laughter bubbling in her throat and with a smile she said, "Maybe she's right."

"Oh... she definitely is but I'm just a man and the flesh is weak, isn't it?"

Louise simply shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe I should come back later when you've finished. Sorry to interrupt your breakfast."

"Oh no, please stay," he exclaimed, tugging the napkin off and rising to his feet. "You just appeared at the right moment as a God sent angel to stop me from committing a transgression in my low-saturated fat diet." Taking the bowl he crossed to the opposite corner where there was a little sink unit and left the bowl in it. "But please don't stand there and come closer." Louise walked up a few steps as he approached her. "And may I ask who you are, young lady?"

"I'm the person who was accepted for the obstetrics fellowship. We talked on the phone, Dr. Hunter."

At her words his eyes narrowed and his forehead creased. "Are you Doctor McCloud?"

"Exactly."

"Doctor Louise McCloud?"

"Yes, that's right. That's me," she replied and on seeing his odd expression, she asked, "Is everything all right?"

Her question spurred him into action and he answered promptly. "Oh yeah.. yeah... everything's all right. It's just that ... I imagined you'd be ... uh... different. I expected you to be older and ... not so pretty."

Louise giggled at the sincerity in his comment, but his words did not actually surprise her. "Didn't you see my picture on my old clinic's website?"

"Oh that..." he retorted in a disregarding fashion. "That's just a load of ... uh... rubbish... We just need good doctors. What a person might look like, how old they are or what their personal situation is is totally irrelevant to me." Louise nodded, catching the hint behind his words. They stood in silence for a brief moment and it was the man who started again, "But please don't stand there; have a seat." He led her to the chair in front of his desk while he moved to the one he had previously been sitting on.

"Thank you, Dr. Hunter."

"Please just call me Teaspoon. Nobody calls me Doctor Hunter but my patients or ... my wife when she gets angry."

Louise chuckled, feeling that she liked the man in front of her. From their conversations on the phone she had imagined that he was a stiff and serious man. Apparently he was somewhat eccentric, which she found very charming. "Teaspoon?"

"Yup, Teaspoon. It's an old nickname. But don't ask me to tell you where it comes from. It's a story not intended for innocent ears," he quipped, rolling his eyes in a dramatic way, which made Louise laugh.

"Then it's only right that you call me Louise... or Lou."

Teaspoon smiled at her. "Lou, I hope you feel happy and comfortable as part of our team. We're kind of familiar in these parts, and it's my philosophy that working and sticking together is the key of success. This world of ours is going adrift because of this modern individualization thing, but this is my ship and it wouldn't stay afloat with just one man at the helm."

"I think you're absolutely right," Lou responded truthfully, looking at Teaspoon with genuine admiration.

The man nodded, totally satisfied by her answer. He would not have expected anything less from her. "And speaking of family, how's good Mary doing these days?"

At the mention of Marmee's name, Lou's forehead creased into a surprised frown. "Do you know her?"

"Oh yes. Good Mary. We used to go to the same school and have been friends ever since... That was like centuries ago, of course." Teaspoon noticed her expression and could practically hear the wheels inside her head turning. "But don't go thinking that me and her sharing a past has anything to do with your getting this post. You know, I'm just one in the selecting committee, and I must say that we all liked what we saw and read in your report. And having such high-standard references doesn't hurt either... and you know I don't mean Mary's."

"I'm glad to know that," Louise replied. She would not like to learn that she had managed to get into the program because of a personal favor rather than for her assets.

"I expect you'll be fine here," Teaspoon continued. "You'll be working directly with one of our best and most committed doctors. I'm sure you'll get on well with him." Louise nodded and the man asked, "So, ready to start?"

"Absolutely," Lou responded with a wide smile.

"Good then," Teaspoon exclaimed as he emphatically thumped his palm on the surface of his desk and jumped to his feet. "Let me give you a tour around the premises and introduce you to the staff first. You need to get familiar with the surroundings. We can't have you getting lost, can we?"

Louise simply stood up after him and followed the man to the door. Teaspoon courteously stepped aside to let her go first and it was then that a thought came to her and she turned to him. "Teaspoon... I wonder if ... if you could do me a favor?"

"Sure. What is it?"

Louise fumbled for words and stuttered her request clumsily. "Would you mind being discreet about ... well... you know what?"

Teaspoon frowned at her bizarre petition, not understanding the reasoning behind her words. "Why so?"

"Well... I've been in this situation before and I know what it's like... the doubts, the smirks, the jokes... Actually, I don't care much about all that and I think that my personal affairs are nobody's concern but mine... but I'm dead tired of proving over and over again that I'm good... a good and devoted doctor... only that."

Teaspoon attentively heard her reasons, nodding at the same time. "I understand what you're saying and let me tell you that your secret is safe with me. Actually, nobody knows."

"Thank you," Louise replied, strangely blushing to the roots of her hair. She would hate to be misunderstood or to have people think that she was ashamed or something similar. It wasn't like that at all, but life had taught her that people still lived on prejudices. Last time it had taken her months and many efforts to gain people's trust. Now she would do things differently and hopefully she would not have any problems in that direction. "But Teaspoon... it's not so much a secret as something I want to keep to myself. I won't keep it forever, just for a while."

"As you wish, Ma'am," Teaspoon replied, smiling at her. "And now let's go on our tour." Louise nodded without uttering another word and both of them walked out of the room. Lou followed him, feeling that this was just the beginning of a fruitful and exciting new year in her life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Will you please stop looking at me like that?" Lou asked without turning her head to the man walking beside her. After being around him for just fifteen minutes she sensed she could be straightforward with him and even joke. He was the big boss but somehow he made her feel as if they were equals.

"Like what?" Teaspoon retorted, sending her a confused frown.

"As if I were some kind of freak," she replied, directing her amused eyes to him.

"I wasn't!" Teaspoon protested, his face showing a fake offended demeanor. "I was just..."

"Yes, you were," Lou insisted, cutting him off in mid-sentence. "But it's all right... I'm used to it."

Teaspoon decided to drop the subject. In fact, this young doctor intrigued him and the little he knew about her had actually woken his curiosity. Yet, he would not touch something that did not really concern him and opted for changing the direction of their conversation. "So Louise, when did you land?"

"On Friday."

"On Friday? Just this Friday?" the man asked surprised and Lou nodded. "You must be quite disoriented then."

"Yes... I guess I am."

"And I gather you're gonna miss your life there."

"Absolutely," Louise agreed. "After living there for five years, it feels kind of strange being home again. But I'm sure I'll get settled in no time."

"I have no doubt about it." The man paused briefly and lowering his eyes to watch her hobbling gait, he asked, "How's that ankle of yours doing?"

Much to her chagrin, Louise had felt forced to tell him about her eventful morning. Teaspoon had looked at her with a disapproving countenance when she had explained that she had walked away from the accident scene and had not even written down the guy's plate number. Teaspoon had wanted to send her home to take care of her sprained ankle but she had flatly refused. "It's much better, thank you," Lou replied to his question, trying to walk as straight and steady as she could. "It's fine."

"It doesn't look fine from where I'm standing."

"Honestly, it's not bothering me so much."

"If you say so," the man decided not to insist even though he knew she was simply trying to convince both him and herself that she was fine.

They continued their expedition in silence. Teaspoon had already shown her part of the hospital, the maternity ward, the delivery and operating rooms and now they were back in the clinic. She really liked what she had seen so far. The hospital was perfectly equipped with all the modern technologies, nothing like her old clinic. More often than not she had suffered the consequences of the lack of means, resources and even staff. Lou and her other colleagues had had to struggle against adversity and shortage, but she had to admit to herself that she felt very proud that under those circumstances she had managed to do a good job. With time she had got used to working with that limited scope and she could not say she had been unhappy there. As she had told Teaspoon, she was already missing all that... her patients, her friends, her acquaintances, her family... The day she had said goodbye to all that, Lou had cried bitter tears even though it was something she had longed to do.

"I'll show you the staff room," Teaspoon finally said after a while. "Hopefully we'll catch a few of ours there."

Louise nodded as she followed him along the corridor. She had already been introduced to a bunch of people, nurses, orderlies, doctors, security personnel among others. From those Teaspoon had pointed out the ones she'd be working with more closely. One of them was Ike McSwain. He was the Chief of Anesthesiology and her first impression of him had been favorable. Ike seemed a shy and candid-looking man. They had barely exchanged a few words, but Lou sensed that she could get on well with this young doctor. Teaspoon had also introduced him to Buck Cross, the head of the pharmacy. By his physical features Louise could tell that his heritage was Native American and despite his serious demeanor, he seemed an honest and competent guy.

Lou kept walking after Teaspoon as he opened a door and slipped inside. As she stepped in after him, she found herself in a medium sized room where there was a bunch of people, all in white coats. Lou's eyes swept quickly around the room. There were a couple of sofas in the middle where two women were comfortably sitting while sipping their steaming cups of coffee. At the other side there was a long table surrounded by a large number of chairs. Piles of papers and books almost covered its surface, but at the moment there was nobody sitting at it. It was in the small kitchenette that three more people were; they were sitting on stools over some kind of counter that separated the kitchen area from the rest of the room.

"Morning, ladies and gentlemen," Teaspoon's gruff voice greeted the five people, who turned to say their hellos to the man too. "As you can see, my dears, today I am accompanied by a lovely lady," Teaspoon said with his usual pompous speech, winking at the young woman by his side. "This is Dr Louise McCloud... as you all know, she's joining our team starting today." He turned to Lou and introduced one by one the others present in the room. "And, darlin', these are Rachel Dunne and Emma Shannon, our charming nurse-midwives, and Dr Noah Dixon, Dr William Cody and Dr Samantha Edgars."

Louise politely tipped her head to them while saying in a soft tone, "Nice to meet you all."

"Welcome to our bunch, Dr McCloud," Noah replied with a sincere smile on his lips.

"It's just Louise," she added as her eyes traveled through the people around her. Bright smiles greeted her gaze as she stopped at each of them. Yet, when her eyes reached the woman Teaspoon had called Samantha, the warm feeling she had got from the others turned into coldness. The woman was smiling from ear to ear, almost splitting the corners of her mouth, but somehow her eyes told Louise a very different story. Lou could sense that the other woman was appraising her from head to toe and she could even tell what she was actually thinking. Her simple attire of jeans and her impeccably ironed white shirt seemed to be out of tune compared with the smart clothes that the rest of them, especially Samantha, were wearing. Louise felt the urge to chuckle at how ridiculous those ideas appeared to her, but she remained silent and serious.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Louise," Emma said as she stood up and came to shake hands with her. Rachel followed suit and while the three women exchanged some words, Lou could still feel Samantha's eyes boring on her. Eventually, the woman approached her after Cody and Noah. "You know, don't hesitate to ask for help in these first days. I'm fully aware how lost you can feel in a new environment, surrounded by new people and doing a new job."

"Thank you... uh..."

"It's Samantha," the woman continued, her smile as wide as if it had gotten frozen on her face. Suddenly, the tone of her voice changed from soft to high-pitched. "But look at her, Emma. Isn't she charming with her little knapsack as if she were a schoolgirl?"

The men shifted uncomfortably at the ill-intentioned comment while Emma and Rachel openly glared at the woman in silence. They all knew that Samantha was not a bad girl; actually, she was a good colleague, who was always helpful and hard-working. Yet, they also knew that she had the tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Besides, since she had learned that a woman would be working side by side with the man she had the hots for, she had not bothered to hide her total discontent about it.

"Louise," Rachel piped in skillfully, "why don't I show you where you can leave your things and get your scrubs?"

The blonde woman led her to a door in the same area which opened to a small dressing room for the ladies. Rachel showed her a locker that already had her name on its metal door. Lou left her bag there and donned the white coat she found inside.

"I'm sorry for Samantha's off-the-cuff comment," Rachel started with the utmost tact. "Sometimes she just blurts out the first thought that comes to her mind. She probably didn't mean anything by it but..."

"It's all right, Rachel. I don't mind," Lou replied. "I'm not one of those who care about trifles."

At her words the blonde woman smiled, visibly relieved. "Well, at least you're lucky Cody hasn't opened his trap. He's harmless most of the time but the poor guy has a gift for putting his foot in it without even being aware of it. You'd split your sides if I told you what he told my Teaspoon the first day he came," Rachel said among giggles.

"Oh, Teaspoon is your husband?"

"My husband?" Rachel repeated hesitantly and then added as an afterthought, "Well, we're not married legally but we practically are husband and wife apart from all the legal paperwork." She paused momentarily and after a beat she continued, "Teaspoon has been married before... six times and it never worked for him, so he's more than reluctant to get hitched again. He says that as soon as 'I do' comes out of his mouth, bad luck falls on him like a ton of bricks."

"I understand."

"When we first started, nobody would have bet a single cent we'd last... you know, because of our age difference and strong characters. But here we are six years later and still counting. And... well, as long as we're happy and together, I don't really care about anything else."

Louise eyed the woman attentively and when she finished, she blurted out, "But you do want to get married anyways."

Her bold statement surprised Rachel, who started to stammer nervously, "No!... I mean... I don't ... I..." She paused to inhale and then she asked, "How did you know?"

Louise smiled awkwardly, wondering whether her direct words had offended the woman. She had just met her and should have kept her opinions to herself, especially when she had no idea what she was actually talking about. "Some people say I have like a sixth sense for judging people's characters," she explained with a crooked smile. "I don't know about that. In any case, I just think that if you didn't care about marriage, you wouldn't have bothered to clarify that you and Teaspoon aren't actually married." Rachel was staring at the young woman with a serious face and feeling uncomfortable, Louise added, "I hope I haven't offended you with my straightforward comment."

Her last words made Rachel react and snapped her out of the stunned state she had fallen into. "Oh no... of course not. I guess you're right. You just surprised me." It was true. She had never admitted it to anyone, not even to herself, that she really wished Teaspoon would ask her to marry him. It was probably a silly notion for a woman her age. She wasn't young or innocent anymore, and she had stopped believing in fairy tales and Prince Charming long ago. Rachel had been married once before, but she had become a young widow when her husband had been killed by a drunk driver, just four months after their wedding. Rachel had believed that with him her romantic dreams had died as well. The men that had followed had just been a distraction to entertain her broken soul... until Teaspoon had come into her life. Their romance and later living arrangements had seemed fine to her, but now that Lou had stated what she already knew, her wishes became more evident. If Teaspoon and she finally tied the knot, she would be able to make her dream of having a family a reality. Yet, she knew that he wouldn't willingly propose and she wouldn't dare to force him to do something that he obviously didn't want to.

"I can be too straightforward at times," Louise continued. "I'm afraid you got yourself another big mouth."

"It wasn't you," Rachel replied in all honesty. "It was me who started it all by talking about my personal affairs." She paused briefly and then added, "I think I'm gonna like having you around. Your open sincerity, though striking, is kind of refreshing. Some people should learn from you." Lou felt her cheeks burn at the compliment the woman had paid her. Rachel looked up and down her figure, now clad in the white coat and said, "Samantha was somehow right. Even dressed as a doctor you look so young."

Louise sighed unhappily. "Yes, I know." Even though she had crossed the threshold of her thirties a few years ago, people always believed she could not be older than twenty-five, which was the second problem she had to fight in this profession. Some people tended to mistrust doctors who were young, and Lou had had to constantly struggle against another obstacle on her way.

"Oh come on, cheer up!" Rachel exclaimed, aware of the hidden meaning behind her unhappy face. "You should be proud to look that good and fresh and well... you can always grow a good mustache ... or buy a fake one."

Lou had to laugh at the comment. She actually did not care much about her looks. Right now her main concern was to learn as much as possible and not let down those who had put all their confidence and faith in her.

"And now," Rachel continued checking the watch pinned on the front of her blouse, "time to go back to work. And I guess you still need to meet your 'mentor', don't you?"

Lou simply nodded and without another word the two women got left the dressing room. When they stepped back into the common area, only Teaspoon was left. The rest had already gone to their duties and after conveying her welcoming wishes to Lou once again, Rachel also walked out.

A few seconds later Teaspoon and Louise continued their particular tour. "I wonder where this boy is," the man mumbled to himself. The young woman stared at him with curiosity and he added with a smile, "Your tutor... you know, at my age all these young men just seem like babies to me."

"You're not so old."

"Nice try, Lou. But, you know, you don't need to butter me up... you're already on my ship," Teaspoon remarked in a mocking way.

Louise let out a peal of laughter at the comment and then added, "You know, it's not my custom to use lies for my own convenience." The remark was done in jest, but at the same time it bore an undercurrent of truth, which didn't go unnoticed by the older doctor.

"I imagine so," Teaspoon replied, nodding simultaneously and as he shifted his eyes ahead of him, he exclaimed out of the blue, "Oh there he is!" Louise followed the direction of his gaze and saw two men clad in white coats coming from down the corridor. One of them was a tall dark-haired man and the other one had fairish hair and was a few inches shorter. "Should have imagined those two would be together. They're like Laurel and Hardy... as thick as thieves."

Teaspoon called them even though the young doctors had already seen them. As they approached, Kid's expression changed from smiling to serious as he caught sight of the woman who was walking alongside his boss. "Gentlemen, let me introduce you to Dr Louise McCloud... she's the lady who will be doing the fellowship in obstetrics this year." The man turned to Lou and introduced the two men to her. "And these are Dr Hickok and your direct supervisor, Dr Kydd."

Lou shook hands with Jimmy while exchanging greetings and then turned to Kid to do the same. She noticed that the man had an odd expression while staring at her, and Lou simply said, "You know, somehow you look familiar to me. Have we by any chance met before? I have a hunch that we have."

"Uh..." Kid hesitated, his eyes doing their best to avoid her intent gaze but when Lou finally caught sight of his clear blue eyes, realization hit her.

"Oh!" she exclaimed with wide eyes as she brought her hand over her mouth. "You're the guy with that monstrous car!"

Jimmy and Teaspoon exchanged questioning glances and the older man asked, "Don't tell me Kid is the one who ran you over!"

At his comment Kid felt that what she had apparently been telling was not strictly the truth and spoke before she could answer. "I didn't run her over. Actually, she bumped against my car... that's all."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jimmy and Teaspoon burst out laughing raucously while the other two doctors remained in uncomfortable silence. "Gosh Kid, you have nothing to worry about losing your post here... We aren't planning to let you go anytime. It's understandable that you might not like this new 'tutoring' job I dropped on you but... son, trying to do her in is a bit too much."

This new comment made the pair crack up once again. Kid did not bother to reply or deny Teaspoon's words. There was nothing he could do and soon everybody would know about his slip, which would make him the butt of the staff's wisecracks for weeks. It was something that he had learned to accept as part of the spirit of the clinic.

"Well, Teaspoon," Jimmy said when they both sobered, "What do you say about leaving these two alone to solve their issues? Kid might want some compensation from her for denting his car's bodywork."

"You just read my mind, son," the older man replied, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You two, have a good day."

Lou hardly had time to react and convey her thanks to Teaspoon when she found herself in the sole company of the man who had almost killed her that morning and who ironically she would be working with for the next twelve months. She turned to look at him and he quickly said, "I'm so sorry, Ma'am... I'm..." Lou kept a serious face and Kid added, "I went back for you but you were already gone."

"I know," she admitted curtly. "I couldn't spare any more time."

"Are you all right?" he asked again, trying to find a way to pull down the ice wall that seemed to keep them apart.

"Fine... other than my sore ankle I'm perfectly fine."

"You sure?" Maybe I should have a look at that ankle of yours and ..."

"I told you I'm fine. And for your information, I'm a doctor myself... so I have a certain idea of what I'm talking about," Lou retorted a bit too gruffly despite herself. She usually was not so rude and bad-mannered, but this unexpected finding had really thrown her and her bad character had made her appearance.

The pair relapsed into uncomfortable silence. Lou was cursing herself for behaving like a hysterical woman to the man she would be working with on a daily basis. This was not the best way to start off, and she knew she needed to find the words to apologize and soften her behavior but for some reason she could not come up with anything without appearing like a fool.

On his part Kid was debating with himself how to voice what had been worrying him all morning, and in the end he simply blurted out the question that was bugging him. "So Dr McCloud, what are you going to do now?" Louise sent him a confused glance and Kid added, "You know... about our little ... business."

"You mean whether I intend to sue you?"

"Uh... well... yeah."

"I imagine that if I did, I wouldn't have a very easy year here, would I?"

"What if I wasn't your supervisor?"

Louise shook her head and after a brief pause she said, "Let me tell you it's not my style to solve my issues that way."

Kid smiled relieved at her words and he added, "And let me tell you that it's not my style to retaliate against my colleagues. I don't usually mix my personal matters with work."

For a few minutes they stared at each other and then Lou burst out laughing, which gained her a strange look from the young man. "Oh Gosh, this situation is so ridiculous and grotesque that it cracks me up."

"I guess you're right," Kid agreed, admitting the absurdity of all that and laughing alongside her. When they both sobered, he added, "How about you and me start from scratch and forget what happened this morning?"

"I think that's an excellent idea, Dr Kydd."

Kid stretched his arm towards her as he said, "How do you do, Dr McCloud? It's a real pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Lou slapped his hand away, casting him a teasing smile. "You already met me... and it's simply Lou." She eyed his ID card dangling from his white coat breast pocket and her forehead creased into a frown as she read his name below his photograph. "KID Kydd?" she asked, not bothering to hide her amusement from him.

"For your information, Simply Lou, K.I.D are my initials," he exclaimed. "I just don't use my first name. Folks just call me Kid... and you can do so as well."

"Thank you," Lou replied, grateful that despite the morning's "event" they had managed to get through that. Dr. Kydd... or Kid as he had dubbed himself, seemed a decent guy and if her intuition didn't let her down this time, she sensed that she was gonna enjoy working with this young doctor.

"So Lou, what do you say if we get started and get down to some work?"

"That's what I'm here for, isn't it? And without a single word the two doctors continued walking down the corridor, ready for a long day ahead of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Morning flew by as Louise immersed herself in the daily life of the clinic. Kid seemed like a competent and good doctor, which did not correspond with the very first impression she had got from him. He had shown her how her routine would be from now on. She would be assisting him in his daily duties, which included examining patients in his office in the clinic, performing different surgical operations, monitoring normal and high-risk pregnancies and naturally assisting the mothers in childbirth.

Today she had stayed in Kid's office while he received his patients. Her first day was much better than she had actually thought after the disastrous beginning and with each passing minute she was more and more sure that she had made the right decision when she had applied for this program to complete her training. Watching Kid treat his patients showed her that he was the kind of doctor and supervisor she'd feel happy working with. He was surprisingly tender and caring with the ladies coming to see him. From among the professionals Lou had met over the years she had to admit that she had never come across a man or a woman who could be so thoughtful in the job. She herself had lost her temper and patience at times and compared to him she could call herself hard, so Lou made a mental note to learn how to perform like him. No wonder the patients seemed so thrilled with their young doctor.

As Kid examined his patients, he kept pointing out different aspects that he thought were relevant for Lou to know. Louise wasn't completely green in this field. As a family doctor, she had treated pregnancies in her old clinic but in their last stages the future mamas always went to the hospital in the capital city. Louise was excited to go through all the phases and above all, she could not wait to assist in the delivery of babies. When she had been a student at medical school quite a few years ago, she had been present for the birth of a child and she had been absolutely delighted and thought that she had never seen something so beautiful.

Before she knew it, Kid bid good-bye to his last patient and they were breaking for lunch to continue later in the afternoon. When he finished locking his office door, he turned to Lou. "We usually have lunch at the cafeteria... the food is decent, so if you want to join us..."

"Thanks, but I intend to head out now." Kid sent her a questioning glance and Louise added, "I need to see to my bike... There's a garage not far from here. I don't think it'll take me too long. It's just the back tire that needs changing."

Kid cringed as she mentioned their incident that morning and he promptly said, "Please let me take you in my car to wherever you want to go."

"You don't have to. I can..."

"We'll go more quickly that way and I guess your ankle won't be very grateful if you force it to walk more than it can or should."

"If you insist..." Lou finally gave in.

"And of course I'll bear the expense of the repair... it's the least I can do."

About ten minutes later Lou had retrieved her bicycle from where she had left it and the two young doctors walked up to Kid's parking space. He unlocked the car and opened up the top. He planned to load the bike in the back of the car, but as he compared his smooth, perfect leather seats and her dilapidated bike... its frame rusty on some parts and its tires encrusted with soil and dirt, his face creased with concern. Lou noticed his hesitancy and said, "Honestly, you don't need to do this."

"I want to," Kid insisted stubbornly. "And it's not a problem, really." He walked to the back part of the car and opening the trunk he took out a couple of blankets. "We'll use these to cover the seats," he said, handing her one of them.

"Wow, you are really well-equipped for the war," Lou commented teasingly.

"Uh... yes... I guess," Kid muttered, lowering his face and focusing his attention on covering his back seats, so that she could not see the color rising to his cheeks. Her comment had made him bring back to mind what he had last used those blankets for. It had been when he and Samantha had first started. They had been on their way to a conference up north. Since it was a long drive, Samantha had brought the blankets with her in case she wanted to get some sleep in the back of the car while he drove but they had wound up being used in a very different way. Samantha had hit on him shortly after they had set off, and they had stopped at one side of the road to give way to their physical instincts in some woods off the beaten track. The blankets were never returned to their owner and now were simply a memory of something that should never have happened. He usually did not fall into a physical relationship so quickly but after his break up he had not been quite himself and had been too vulnerable. Besides, when a hot woman like Samantha Edgars offered herself so bluntly, what man could say no to her? Of course Kid now regretted giving in to his instincts and maybe if he had tried to get to know her better before starting anything, he wouldn't have her bugging him constantly now.

"Uh... I'm actually not that bad," Kid muttered uncomfortably, feeling that with her remark Lou had guessed the story behind the blankets.

Louise frowned at him, not understanding his last words, but she opted for not saying anything. She simply spread the blanket and let it drop on the seats. Kid, then, lifted the bike and placed it over the covered seats as carefully as he could and making sure that it did not touch the leather on the backs of the front seats. Louise watched him curiously and with a teasing smile on her lips. As he looked up, he spied her amused expression. "What's so funny?" he asked.

Louise blushed at being caught red-handed and like usual she simply blurted out what was in her mind, "You seem very attached to your car." Kid shrugged his shoulders in indifference and the young woman continued, "It's kind of paradoxical that many doctors, professionals who are supposed to care for the welfare of mankind have these flashy, annoying cars, which are like malignant tumors for our already weakened world."

"That's not very nice to say," Kid retorted a bit irritated. "I'm a good doctor and what if I got myself a good, reliable car? I work very long hours and I think I deserve a treat. It's not a crime."

"That depends on how you look at it."

"So what's your idea? Should I throw myself in the middle of thousands of cars on a rickety bike like you do? Roads were made for motorists and not for cyclists."

After his sharp speech and to his utter surprise, Lou burst out cackling. "I'm sorry," she said after noticing his stunned expression. "I'm not laughing at you... it's just that it's the second time that we've fought over transportation in just a few hours. Maybe we should make a deal and get ourselves a bus pass instead."

Her words made him grin sheepishly, admitting to himself she was right. "Yeah... it's true. I'm not a bus person, though, and you ..."

"What about me?"

"Are you always so blunt and direct?" Kid asked teasingly, ignoring her question.

"I'm afraid so. And if we are going to work together, you'll have to cope with my small peeves... which may not be so small and not so few."

"And you'll have to put up with mine," he replied as he rounded the car to open the passenger door for her. "I hope you can put up with just a ride in my... what did you call it? ... oh yeah... in my monstrous car."

Lou grinned, aware that he was teasing her, and slipped into the car. "I think I'll survive... just this once," she said as she fastened the seat belt over her body, casting a glance at his profile next to her. The contact of the smooth leather with her body really felt great and she had to admit to herself that despite her own ideas, she was going to enjoy the ride in this luxurious car. Who wouldn't? Yet, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction to see he was somewhat right. So she kept her face neutral as he started the car and drove off.

"Good then," Kid replied. "And now show me where that garage is."

A few minutes later he pulled over before a small garage. Kid got out of the car and went round to the other side to politely open the door for her, but she had already eased out of it and was ready to unload the bike by herself. "Let me give you a hand," Kid offered and she nodded in silence.

They were about to take the bicycle out of the car when a voice came from behind them. "My, my, look who's here... none other than Louise McCloud in the flesh."

Kid turned round alongside Lou and saw a stout man dressed in greasy coveralls who was wiping his work-roughened hands in a worn-out rag. Louise smiled brightly as soon as she caught sight of him. "Ben, I'm so glad to see you."

"I didn't know you were back in town, honey."

"I got back this weekend."

"So are you done looking for adventures in the wilderness?"

Louise laughed at his question. For a man like Ben who had practically never left his neighborhood in his fifty years of life, anywhere beyond the limits of his everyday surroundings was regarded as a mysterious land of the unknown. "More or less," she replied without getting into much detail.

"I imagine your old lady must be as pleased as punch." Lou nodded and the man asked, "So tell me, what brings you here today... apart from having the pleasure of my company?"

"I had a minor mishap this morning and my back tire got a bit dented."

Ben looked over his wire-rimmed glasses at the young man who was taking out the bicycle out of a very luxurious car. His presence surprised Ben but instead of commenting anything about him, he exclaimed, "Louise, don't tell me you're still riding that piece of junk. You should get rid of that useless rusty jumble of iron and get yourself a decent one."

"I think he's right, Lou," Kid piped in, grinning when she threw him a murderous glance.

"Nobody asked for your opinion... and that goes for the two of you," Lou retorted, slightly annoyed and as she noticed the two men eying each other, she added, "Ben, this is Dr. Kydd, a colleague from the hospital." The men shook hands and the young woman turned to the mechanic once again, "So are you gonna fix my bike or shall I go somewhere else?"

"For Pete's sake, don't sulk, girl," Ben retorted. "I'll have a look at that antique of yours." The man grabbed the bike from Kid and dragged it inside his garage.

"I'll be back in a sec," Louise told her colleague and followed the man into the place.

The young doctor leaned his body against his car as he watched her scurry away. She still had a slight limp, he noticed. His eyes traveled from her ankle upwards and without being aware of it, he found himself admiring the way her hips swayed as she made her way inside and disappeared from his sight. Kid had to admit that she wasn't bad-looking. Although petite and small, Lou really filled those jeans of hers nicely. Of course she wasn't like Samantha at all, but somehow she had a fresh beauty that most women he knew lacked. Her face without any make up on and with her hair cut short was actually very pretty. Kid shook his head as he realized what he was doing. He shouldn't care whether she looked like a shining Hollywood star or an ogre. She was simply a colleague and that was all he should mind. Of course having a lovely face to behold every day wouldn't harm him... rather the opposite, it would be a pleasure. His mother used to tell him that beauty was something more than fine features or an attractive figure. Kid knew that she had been absolutely right and if he had heeded her wise words, he wouldn't have made so many mistakes with the women who had been part of his life. After the last few fiascoes, he told himself that he should be more selective, shouldn't fall for the first pretty face he came across and more importantly, he should forget about finding his match among the women working with him.

In that moment Lou came out of the garage and walked towards him. "Ben's gonna change the tire and oil the whole thing. It'll be ready in twenty minutes. You needn't wait for me. You can go and ... thank you for the lift."

"I don't mind hanging around and that way I can take you back... and you know, the expense is on me."

"You sure?" Lou asked and Kid simply nodded. They relapsed into silence and after a few seconds she added, "You hungry?"

"I guess I am."

Lou then fished for her knapsack that she had left on the floor of the car and once in her hands she unfastened it and produced a little recycled paper bag she had packed with her lunch that morning. "I have a couple of sandwiches and some fruit. Care to share them with me?"

"Sure," he replied and as he spotted a vending machine on the corner, he said, "I'll buy some drinks then. What would you like?"

"Just water for me."

"You sure you want bottled water and add to the destruction of the world with all that waste?"

Louise stuck her tongue out at Kid in mock offense as she said, "I'll be sure to recycle the bottle… don't worry."

Kid quickly got a bottle of water for her and a can of ice tea for him from the machine. As he walked back to where Lou stood he said, "At least we could have our lunch while sitting comfortably. Come on, get in the car."

"You sure you want to run the risk of getting your spotless car full of breadcrumbs?"

"You hush and get in," Kid retorted, grinning amused and opened the door for her. When they were both seated, Lou handed him a sandwich and took the bottle of water that he extended to her. Kid was the first to take a bite from his sandwich and as he chewed and swallowed it, he exclaimed, "This is really good... really good. What's in it?"

"Nothing special. Chicken, some lettuce, egg..." Kid sent her a dubious look and she added, "The bread is the magical ingredient... it's homemade."

"You bake bread too?" Kid asked with a surprised expression.

"Who me? I can barely boil an egg... much less bake anything," Lou replied among giggles. "My family did."

"I see. They spoil you rotten, don't they?"

"Actually, I'm very fortunate," Lou stated, her face getting a melancholic air.

Kid looked at her, expecting her to open up and tell him more about who she called her family, but Louise shut up and turned her attention to her sandwich, which she practically devoured in a few bites. He smiled and for a moment he kept staring at her like in a trance. It was when she casually caught a glimpse of him and threw him a withering look that Kid turned away from her and concentrated on his own food.

"Thank you," Kid said after a long silent spell while they finished their lunch. Lou simply smiled in acknowledgment and when the food was gone and they had nothing to entertain them, the young man turned to her and asked, "So Lou, what's your story?"

"My story?"

"Yes, you know... where you come from, what brought you here..."

Lou paused for a second to gather her thoughts and after some slight hesitancy she started, "Actually, I grew up in this city... I went to medical school and did all my training here. As a matter of fact, I started my residency in the hospital in the north district..."

"In obstetrics?"

"No, in pediatrics... my original vocation, but I had to quit."

"Why?"

"Well," Lou replied hesitantly, "for personal reasons I had to move to Guam..."

"Guam? But that's in..."

"Yes, exactly 7,953 miles away and over twelve hours by plane." Kid nodded, wondering what could possibly have happened for her to quit her residency and go to live to the other side of the world, but Lou did not elaborate and continued in another direction. "I had to stop my training and applied for a post in the program provided by the National Health Service corps and ... well... I've been working as a family doctor at a small clinic on the north of the island for five years."

"Wow!" Kid exclaimed, visibly impressed by her account. "And how's life there?"

"It's nice. I had some problems at the beginning, and it took me a while to completely settle down and get used to the differences, but once I did, it was as if I had lived there my whole life. People are really warm and kind, and the island is beautiful. Of course, the clinic was undermanned, and we had several deficiencies in the equipment and such. Days were long and hard. As the only practitioner there I had to see between forty and seventy patients a day. "

"My, that's stressful," Kid exclaimed horrified. He often complained about his own workload and he apparently did not have to see half as many patients she had seen while she was there. Kid had to admit that he tended to be a moaner... he had actually become one since "she" had jilted him. Before that, he had been quite a happy camper, but he didn't know why, in the last years he only seemed to notice the negative side of everything.

"Yeah, it was," Lou replied to his comment, "but it was really inspiring to look backwards at the end of the day and see how many people you had managed to help. I loved it there and I would do it again ... no doubt about it."

"But now you're here."

"Yes, I am."

"Why obstetrics? Why now?"

"Well, after completing this year I have plans in sight... This training will absolutely help me to deal with the cases I'm liable to find in the future."

"You mean you have an offer... maybe in another clinic?"

"Uh... yeah... more or less," Louise replied vaguely and on seeing his expression, she added, "Don't be so curious, Dr Kydd. I'll tell you everything in good time. You know what they say, curiosity killed the cat." Kid chuckled at her words but could not help but wonder why she had to be so secretive about her future working plans. If she had contacts, nobody would think it strange. Kid decided not to insist. She was entitled to keep her privacy and he had no right to demand an explanation from her. "And now it's your turn," Lou's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"My turn?"

"Yes... what's your story?"

Kid loosened his tie and undid the last button of his shirt, feeling stifled as the July sun fell directly on him. "It's the typical story. Nothing as exciting as your adventures overseas... I grew up in Virginia, got my license there but came all the way here following a girlfriend. The girlfriend is now out of the picture but I'm still here."

"I see ... then you're actually an old-fashioned romantic," Lou replied in a teasing tone. "A rare specimen. I have been told that your type was extinct, but apparently there is still at least one hidden behind a doctor's white coat."

Kid chuckled, joining in her playful tone and said, "Not so romantic as I used to be, I'm afraid."

Louise was about to keep up the banter but the conversation was cut short as Ben howled, announcing that she could pick up her now-renewed bike. Lou quickly got out of the car and walked towards the garage. Kid remained seated in his automobile and as she ambled forward, he couldn't help but once again stare at the swaying movement of her hips and think how nice she looked.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

After collecting her fixed bike from Ben, Lou and Kid performed the same operation once again: they placed the bicycle in the back of the car and Kid drove back to the hospital. On their way there they continued making small talk while sharing some laughs. Lou had to admit that despite having just met him, she felt very comfortable around Kid. He wasn't the kind of man she had first thought he was. Her first idea had been that he was a pompous, vain man that only cared to indulge himself in whims and luxuries like that car of his. In fact, Lou found that he was a kind and ordinary man, easy to talk to and with enough patience to bear her teasing.

Louise wondered whether he might be married or have a family of his own. Of course that wasn't her business at all, but she always had a natural curiosity about the marital status of people she first got introduced to, but naturally she hadn't dared to ask him the question straightaway. Lou could guess that at least he had no children. His car was too spotless for a family man and besides, when he had opened his wallet to pay Ben for the repair, she hadn't got to see any pictures with lovely offspring. In any case, Lou reasoned that he was likely to be a married man. There was no wedding band on his finger, but that wasn't necessarily an indication of his status. Most doctors removed all their jewelry when they were working as she herself had done that morning.

In a few minutes they were at the hospital. Kid stopped his car briefly to let Lou alight and help her with her bike. "So here's your steed, milady," Kid said jokingly, placing the bicycle on the sidewalk outside the hospital.

"I thanketh thee, noble knight," Louise joked along, laughing whole-heartedly at his comment.

"My pleasure," Kid replied, tipping his head in an exaggerated fashion. They laughed together and then the young man added, "I'll go and park my car. See you inside in a bit."

As Kid drove off, Lou took her bike to the area reserved for two-wheeled vehicles and left hers near the space where she had parked in before. After chaining her dear bicycle securely, she started off towards the entrance of the clinic. Her ankle was still a bit sore but fortunately she was able to walk much better now. That ointment that she had applied to it a couple of times during the day was really working and she hoped that when she got back home, she could keep as steady as possible without giving herself away. After what Marmee had told her that morning, she'd hate to admit that she had been right all along. Of course she didn't plan to lie to her but she would simply disguise the whole thing a little. Her intention was to keep taking her bike to work every day and it would be a total nuisance to hear the same lecture every time she left. Despite her age and circumstances, Marmee still treated her as if she were an eight-year-old, which was weird and embarrassing in front of others.

Lou was about to climb the ramp leading to the entrance and when she lifted her eyes, she saw Samantha standing at the top. She was looking at her in a pose that showed that she had been there for a while. When Samantha realized that Lou had seen her, her lips stretched into her usual bright smile and waved at her in greeting. Lou responded to the gesture and when she finally reached her, the other woman said, "Louise, how is it going? Are you having a good day?"

"Fine," Lou answered curtly. For some strange reason this woman didn't give her good vibes and her presence made her feel uncomfortable.

"Your first day can be quite unsettling... I know that from my own experience." Lou nodded and the woman asked again, "You and Kid get along all right?"

"So far, so good."

"Great!" Samantha exclaimed a bit too effusively. "You're lucky... he's an excellent doctor... the best on my personal list." Lou remained silent as Samantha gave a snort of laughter, and when she sobered, she added, "I have to admit I'm quite biased in that department. You know... he and I have some kind of an understanding."

"An understanding?" Louise asked, lost at the meaning behind her words.

"Well, to call him my boyfriend sounds a bit too old-fashioned and to call him my lover is a bit too impertinent," Samantha explained, her smile never faltering.

"Thank you for the information," Lou remarked with a serious tone.

"I know you might think you don't care ... but well, when you're new, this kind of information can spare you some embarrassing situations ... if you know what I mean."

"Very appreciated," Lou replied without much enthusiasm, and unable to stand a conversation she wasn't in the least interested in, she turned to leave, "And if you'll excuse me, I have to go. See you later."

Louise dashed inside without more delay. For some strange reason what Samantha had told her about Kid had disappointed her. She hadn't expected him to be involved with a woman like her. Lou had to admit that she didn't know much about either of them, but somehow they did seem very different. Of course they were both good-looking, high-standard professionals, but Louise had the impression that they were very different... sort of incompatible like oil and water. Samantha seemed a sophisticated, somehow shallow woman while as far as Lou had seen, Kid was a more thoughtful and humane person. Louise shook her head to clear all those thoughts that were bombarding her. Who was she to judge anybody, especially when she had just met them? Maybe her impressions were right... or maybe wrong, but in any case it was no business of hers. They might be like day and night, like fire and water... but as long as those two were happy and in love, nobody, least of all her, had the right to stick their noses in their matters.

As Lou crossed the foyer, Emily came out of her so-called cave and asked her in a demanding tone, "What did that one want from you?"

"Uh?" Louise let out with a clueless expression.

"You know... Miss Colgate," Emily said sarcastically and as Lou looked at her with a mixture of surprise and disapproval, she added, "I'm sorry but that woman really gets on my nerves. She thinks she's related to at least the queen of Sheba, and looks down on you just because you didn't go to college. I really get along with all the staff, but that one... I just can't stand her." Louise couldn't help but grin amusedly at Emily's long tirade even though she didn't feel it right to take part in this kind of conversation when she hardly knew the person they ... or more precisely Emily was talking about. "And," the receptionist continued, "when I saw her stepping out and waiting there for almost fifteen minutes, I knew she was up to something. It was you she was looking for."

Lou furrowed her forehead in surprise. "Why would she do something like that?"

"To spy on you and Kid... of course."

"Oh... well," Lou let out without much enthusiasm. She hadn't finished forming a proper reply to the comment when Emily cut in.

"I heard that it was him you had your accident with."

"My, my, word spreads faster here than dynamite," Lou remarked, feigning annoyance.

"My dear, I always know what's going on in this hospital. I have very good sources," Emily replied, winking at her new friend mischievously.

"I can see that."

"So what do you think of our young doctor?" Emily asked, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

"You mean Kid?"

"Isn't he nice... not to mention very good-looking?" Emily asked again, wiggling her eyebrows enticingly.

At her question Louise let out a loud peal of laughter, knowing what her new friend was trying. As she apparently didn't like Samantha Edgars... she would be happy to fix up a new girl for the doctor. _Of course that girl wasn't going to be me_, Lou thought. "But not as cute as Doctor McSwain, is he, Emily?" the color rose to the receptionist's cheeks and Lou added, "You see? I also have good sources. See you later, Emily."

And without further ado Lou went past her, casting a smile in her direction and the young receptionist had to admit that Louise was going to be a good friend for a laugh. Emily knew that her own sense of humor was somehow special and not many people got to understand her or knew how to play along. At least, Lou was not like stuck-up, annoying Samantha Edgars, Emily thought as the mentioned woman strutted past her without even sparing a look in her direction. However much she had tried, she just couldn't stand her... so much so that when she first learned that Kid was romantically involved with her, she almost had an attack. How someone as nice as him could feel anything for someone like her was beyond Emily's grasp, but fortunately, he had repaired his silly mistake in time and had kicked her out of his life. She was also aware that Samantha kept harassing Kid and didn't waste any chance to beguile him. Emily hoped that he could finally get settled with a nice girl and leave that snooty woman holding the bag.

* * *

Pushing the door wide open Kid stood to one side to let Lou step inside first. Louise had followed him in his daily rounds as he visited his patients in the maternity ward. The women received their doctor with smiles like the ones she had seen that morning. Some of them were new mothers that had had their babies in the last few days and were waiting to be sent back home. Lou couldn't help but stare in wonder at the newborns in their cribs. Kid had informed her that unless there was a surprise at the last moment, he wasn't scheduled for delivery today, which Lou was looking forward to. Apart from the new mothers they had visited, there were also expecting women who were in the hospital because of some other complications with their pregnancies.

As they slid into the room, the young woman sitting on the leather chair next to the window greeted him. "Hello doc. I thought you weren't coming to see me today."

"How could I skip visiting my favorite patient?" Kid replied smiling at the woman.

"Your favorite patient? Yeah, sure," she retorted sarcastically. "I imagine you say that to all the others too."

From a discreet position behind Kid, Lou studied the woman. She was a very young woman probably in her early twenties, with shiny, long dark hair and thin features except for the very evident bulging bump in her middle.

In that moment Kid shifted his position and turned to her. "Jane, let me introduce you to Dr. McCloud. You'll see her around quite often from now on."

"How are you, Dr. McCloud?"

"Nice to meet you, Jane," Louise repeated the greeting she had uttered to all the other patients. "Seems you're due soon."

"One more month and I'll be holding my baby boy."

"Jane has a problem with her blood pressure," Kid informed Lou as he moved to the foot of the bed and grabbed the patient's chart, "and we're trying to get it under control." He ran his eyes through the data on the paper and asked, "How are you feeling today?"

"A bit tired but no trace of my usual headache."

"Good," Kid exclaimed with a satisfied smile and handing the chart to Lou, he said, "It's getting steady... fortunately."

Meanwhile, Lou was scanning the contents of this patient's file and she realized why she had been admitted to the hospital. Her blood pressure levels had been sky-high and in her state it was too dangerous for both her and the baby.

"All right, sweet Jane, I'll see you again tomorrow," Kid said as he walked to the door. "With a bit of luck we'll send you back home by the end of the week."

"Thanks, doc."

Kid and Lou ambled out of the room and down the corridor. "This was our last case for the day and ..."

"How old is she?" Lou asked, cutting him off.

"Twenty-one."

"And she doesn't have a husband," Lou stated matter-of-factly, feeling that it was a very common story... A young girl gets into trouble and becomes a mother before she knows what life is really about. Louise had met too many girls in the same situation and had seen the precarious situations they sometimes found themselves in. It was a real pity.

Kid nodded at her statement and foreseeing where her thoughts were he added "Her case is a bit different from those girls whose pregnancies are the result of trying what young love means. Seemingly, Jane got involved with a much older guy ..."

"Married?"

"Probably... can't really tell. She never talks about him much and he's never set foot in here," Kid explained. "It's a real shame that someone as nice as her has such a lonely existence."

"What about her parents?"

"Dead. Her father died last year. He owned a small family business... a jeweler's shop and I imagine that's her only income now." Lou listened to him with careful attention and on noticing her odd expression Kid asked, "What?"

"Nothing... it's nice to see a doctor getting personal with his patients," Louise explained with a smile. She had come across too many professionals that treated patients as mere numbers. Of course it was understandable to do so as a protection. In this profession you could be liable to suffer if you get personal with your patients and even though Louise had already gone through more than one ordeal for this reason, she couldn't understand it any other way.

At her comment Kid couldn't help but blush awkwardly and said, "Well... I guess that's my personality. And in any case, in this clinic we are all kind of personal." Lou just replied to his comment with a bright smile and as they reached his office, he added "Well, it's the end of the day and I'm releasing you now."

"Thank you for everything. I've really enjoyed my first day." Kid bobbed his head up and down in agreement and Lou carried on, "I'll go and get changed then."

Louise idly ambled towards the common room where the changing area was. As she walked into the place, the women already inside greeted her. Samantha was before a mirror, a dozen small pots on a table by her side, while she carefully applied some mascara to her eyelashes. Emma and Rachel were engaged in conversation but Louise didn't join them and went directly to her locker. She was really tired and wanted to get home as quickly as possible. She slid out of her white coat and left it on the hanger inside her locker and grabbed the personal items she had previously left on the ledge. She clasped her gold chain round her neck and then...

"So you're married!" Emma exclaimed by her side and following the direction of her gaze Lou came to look at the wedding band she was about to slide on her finger and kept staring at it. "I'm the only one who's married here," Emma continued. "All these young doctors are all single and reluctant to tie the knot. So it's really nice to have another one in this apparently so selective club."

"Emma, we aren't as lucky as you to have an honest man like Sam... ready to commit," Samantha spoke up, happy to find out that the new doctor was taken. She didn't need another woman distracting Kid while she played her seducing game. "You have to introduce your man to us sometime, Louise."

"I don't ..."

"All in good time, honey," Rachel interrupted, patting her on the shoulder. "Don't think we're rushing you."

Lou was about to answer, but Rachel turned to the other two woman and started talking about something else. The new doctor simply kept staring at the gold band surrounding her delicate finger as a sweet smile appeared on her lips and after a few seconds she picked up the rest of her things and bidding everybody good-bye she walked out of the room.

* * *

"So what do you think of our new bimbo?"

"Please, Cody, don't call her that." Kid retorted annoyed. "It sounds way too disrespectful for a colleague."

"It's just a figure of speech..." the blonde young man defended himself but his friend still didn't look pleased with his choice of words.

"Don't pay him any attention, Kid," Jimmy spoke up as the three of them marched down the corridor. "You know what he's like... an ignorant buffoon." Cody sent him an irritated glare, which Hickok ignored completely and he asked instead, "So paraphrasing our dumb friend here, how did your first day with Dr. McCloud go?"

"She's actually quite nice... seems eager to learn and well, as far as I know, she's a competent professional and ..."

"I think she's hot," Cody piped in, cutting his friend off in mid-sentence.

The other two doctors rolled their eyes at his comments. They were used to Cody's flamboyant ways and how he hit on any woman who came across him. He had tried his luck with all the females in the hospital... the nurses, Samantha... even with Rachel … logically before knowing that she was romantically involved with his boss. Of course, more often than not he didn't have any luck with the ladies, but he kept on trying regardless. "Please Cody, just let her be and for once try to be the nice guy you actually are."

"I think this time I'm bound to take a chance with her and score," the blonde doctor continued, ignoring Kid's words completely.

"Cody, you always say that," Jimmy remarked, not bothering to hide his amusement. "Save your efforts and energy to be a good doctor. When are you going to understand that you're not a ladies' man?"

"This time is different," Cody stated as they stepped into the staff room and settled in one of the sofas. "Women like her ... you know, women who are so into all that ecological stuff and dressing down policy are a different kind. They're like a new generation of hippies. Drugs have been replaced by a healthy lifestyle... but I know for sure that they still stick to free love. You know... kind of promiscuous."

"Cody, you're a serious nutcase."

In that very moment Lou stepped into the room and the blonde rider whispered to his colleagues, "Just watch and learn, children." He rose up and went up to the young woman who stopped short on seeing him. "Excuse me Louise. I wonder if I could have a word with you."

"You're Dr. Cody, aren't you?"

"Please call me Cody... we're colleagues after all."

"What can I do for you, Cody?" Lou asked about what this young man wanted from her.

The blonde doctor noticed his two friends watching him with badly-concealed amusement, and to avoid their eavesdropping he grabbed Lou by her upper arm and steered her to a more discreet point. Louise eyed him expectantly and Cody finally started, "I imagine that you being the newbie here must be a bit lost. Let me tell you that I'll be glad to be of your assistance if you need a friend."

"Thank you. You're very kind indeed."

"Couldn't do less for such a beautiful woman," he continued, changing the tone from friendly to enticing. "We might've just met, Louise, but I feel I do know your type and I have to say I'm in the same league."

"Are you?" Lou replied. Her smile had disappeared and her expression had adopted a grave nuance.

"You know... people like us with no commitments and an open mind have a right to have fun and enjoy life," Cody continued, winking at her without noticing her serious face. "We are young, attractive and direct. So why waste our time with formalities? Don't you think?"

Louise folded her arms in a defensive pose and turning all formal again, she said, "I'm afraid you're making a mistake with me, Dr. Cody."

"You mean you are...?" he asked, unable to find his words, embarrassed at his own blunder.

"Yes, I'm committed as you put it."

"I... I..." Cody stuttered clumsily, wishing the earth would open up and swallow him in that moment. He felt very small before her glaring eyes and couldn't find the words to justify his silly mistake. Luckily for him, Kid who had been watching them, came up to them and saved him from further embarrassment.

"Please, Lou, forgive Cody. All he really wanted was to invite you to go for a drink with all of us, but it came all wrong, didn't it, Cody?" The blonde doctor simply nodded, trying to smile in her direction, but all he managed was to adopt a goofy face.

"Thank you, but I can't. I have work to do at home."

"Maybe I can give you a lift then. Your ankle isn't fit enough yet to cycle."

"Thanks again, but it's not necessary. I'm not cycling now. I'll take the train... the station is just on the parallel street from where I live." Without another word Lou bid them good-bye and left. She banged the door closed behind her and then Kid turned to his friend while saying in a severe tone, "Good going, Cody. You couldn't make a bigger gaffe."

Instead of feeling attacked by his words, Cody adopted a mischievous pose and his mouth split up in a silly grin. "Why, Kid! Is it my imagination or do you like the girl for yourself?"

"Yes, Kid," Jimmy piped in, joining in his friend's mocking tone. "You seemed really eager to have her around... Sorry she gave you the brush-off."

"Don't talk such nonsense," Kid retorted irritated. "She's just a colleague and I was just trying to be helpful. Besides, you heard her... she's..."

"Married." A voice behind them resounded and when they turned round, they saw Rachel standing a few feet way. They sent her a questioning look and the woman walked up to them as she added, "Louise... she's married. So you three can forget about her in other terms that aren't professional."

Cody shrugged his shoulders in indifference and said, "Never mind. I'm not jealous."

"William F. Cody, you leave her alone, understood? If I no more than hear that you're bugging her with your silliness, I'll tell Teaspoon to put you on call till the end of time!"

"Calm down, Rachel. I was just joking."

Kid listened to his colleagues' exchange in silence. He knew he was being silly but when Rachel had mentioned that Lou was married, he had felt utterly disappointed. Naturally the news didn't surprise him; a charming and beautiful woman in her thirties like Louise was bound to have a husband. Yet Kid couldn't help but feel weird. As he had told Cody and Jimmy, she was just a colleague and had no other interests in her. And even if he did, he wouldn't pursue a relationship with her. Experience had taught him that he couldn't mix his personal life and work, especially when it was somebody working directly under his supervision. Yeah, that would be a terrible mistake, so her being married was after all kind of beneficial. It would be a good deterrent in case he foolishly got silly ideas about her. She was definitely off limits for good and that was the way it would be.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

In the days that followed Lou got settled into a steady routine at the clinic. She woke up early, studied for a couple of hours and after breakfast and her morning chores at home, she cycled to the hospital. After the first day her ankle hadn't bothered her anymore and she had been able to ride her bike soon afterwards. Once in the clinic Lou shadowed Kid in his daily duties. A few days ago she had been assisting him in her first delivery, which had meant an incredible experience for her... so much that she had been close to tears when she had left the delivery room. Louise had to admit that she was learning a great deal from Kid and working alongside him was proving to be an enjoyable routine. He'd told her that even though he'd still be supervising her progress and they would have sessions during the day together, after the first couple of months she could start working independently, treating low risk patients.

Like every morning Louise left her bike in her usual place and darted towards the entrance of the clinic. As she turned the corner, she caught sight of Kid and Cody standing at the foot of the stairs.

"Morning!" Lou greeted them in a jolly tone, receiving a similar reply from both men. Over the course of the days she had been able to see beyond Cody's blunder and her consequent first impression of him. As Rachel had warned her, Cody had a knack for putting his foot in his mouth. Lou had got quite annoyed when he had made such a direct and shameless pass at her, but now that she had gotten to know him better, she couldn't help but laugh whenever she remembered their bad start. In fact, she thought he was quite a nice man and his wisecracks were absolutely hilarious.

Lou noticed that the two men were staring at something at the end of the marble stairs and following the direction of their gazes, she came to see a couple engaged in a torrid kiss just in front of the clinic. Lou frowned and turning to them, she exclaimed, "What are you two gawking at like two silly peeping Toms?"

"Nothing... just the landscape," Cody replied with a crooked smile. "It looks kind of crowded from this side."

Lou rolled her eyes at the comment but decided not to reply. In these days she had learned that she'd better not say anything about Cody's lewd remarks unless she wanted to get in the middle of an uncomfortable conversation.

In that moment the cuddling couple let go of each other and Lou then noticed that it was Hickok with a quite attractive woman, who she recognized as the new nurse assigned to the department. Jimmy passed an arm over the girl's shoulders and as she clasped her hands around his waist, they made their way down the stairs. When they reached the end, their mouths came into contact once again in such a way that Lou almost felt her own cheeks flush.

"See you tonight?" the woman asked Jimmy as she turned to go.

"You bet," Hickok replied, blowing her a kiss and then he kept staring at her with a goofy smile as the woman went her way, wiggling her hips seductively. When she disappeared from his sight, he turned to look at his colleagues all of whom were grinning at him except for Lou. "What?"

"Why, Jimmy, nights at the hospital are now much more rewarding, aren't they?" Cody quipped, his voice tinged with badly-concealed amusement. "Five nights in a row with her... this is not the Jimmy we know."

Hickok shrugged his shoulders in indifference as he started back towards the entrance followed by his three colleagues. "That's my business."

"She must be pretty special to hook James Hickok like that," Kid continued, joining in the teasing. "Who would have thought that an avowed bachelor like you could fall so easily in the clutches of love?"

Jimmy stopped short right in front of the big automatic glass doors and turned to his friend with an expression that implied that he wasn't amused and could readily hit the man before him. Lou grew concerned and even took one step forward to stop the confrontation between the two friends, but to her utter astonishment Jimmy's mouth split into a big grin and he exclaimed, "She really got me."

The men laughed and whooped at the comment while patting Jimmy on the shoulder. Lou stared at them dumbfounded, feeling she sometimes couldn't understand men. "Seems that now that she's around, nights will be much nicer when on duty, won't they, Hickok?" Cody quipped as they all made their way inside the building.

"Definitely, but I'd rather spend my nights with Sarah somewhere else than in this damn hospital."

"I can imagine so," Cody added, guffawing loudly. "And I can also imagine what you'd rather be doing with her."

Lou rolled her eyes at the silly comments of these three grown-up men. They were acting like teenagers and had practically forgotten that she was present. They stopped before the elevator and suddenly Kid changed his tone from amusement to seriousness as he talked to his friend. "Jimmy, I'd be careful if I were you. A romance with somebody from work might be kind of complicated."

At his words Lou cast a surprised look in his direction. How could he say that when he was actually in a relationship with Samantha Edgars? Kid never talked much about her and Lou didn't like asking about matters that were too personal. In fact, talking about love or romance and all that stuff made her feel very uncomfortable and she sometimes preferred not to touch those issues. The name of the girl Jimmy was now dating was Sarah Downs and she had apparently won his heart very fast.

"Unlike you, Kid, I know how to deal with my matters," Jimmy replied, this time not a single trace of amusement in his voice.

"I'm not saying you don't... I just want you to be careful," Kid came back in a loud tone.

"Guys, guys... please calm down," Cody intervened between his two friends before tempers flared. "Don't get at each other's throats so early in the morning... especially over a woman you don't even have an interest in."

Cody's words managed to cool down the two men. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. I don't have a right to tell you what to do."

"Let's just forget about it, all right?" Jimmy added, always reluctant to voice an apology but this was his way to say that he had also been wrong.

Then the elevator pinged open before the four doctors and after several people walked out of it, leaving it empty, Kid asked, "Are you guys coming up?"

"Not me," Jimmy replied as he yawned in an exaggerated fashion. "I'll have a coffee and then I'm going home to get some shuteye."

"She really wore you out, didn't she?" Cody quipped, grinning from ear to ear.

"Cody, I was on call all night... Can't that dirty mind of yours stop for a single second?" Hickok fired back, irritated.

"Stop moaning, man. And as a personal favor to you, I'm going to keep you company while you have your coffee."

"Yeah, great," Jimmy let out sarcastically. Despite his good qualities, Cody always used any chance he got to shirk his responsibilities. Teaspoon usually said that he was a master in coming up with stories and excuses so as not to pull his weight, but when he did want to work, he was a good and talented doctor.

The pair bid Kid and Lou good-bye and ambled down the corridor towards the cafeteria. "Isn't love grand? What I love best about it is how it brings us all together."

"Shut up, Cody, or I'll forget I'm a doctor and you'll be the first person I use my medical knowledge to actually cause considerable damage."

Louise had to chuckle at the banter between her two colleagues. These two were always the same, bickering and picking on each other like an old married couple. Jimmy was continually complaining about Cody's big mouth and ways, and at the same time Cody kept bugging him with his saucy and dramatic tales. Yet, Lou knew that despite all their protests and arguing, they couldn't live without each other.

When they disappeared from her line of sight she turned her head to find Kid looking intently at her. His deep blue eyes seemed to be boring into her very skin and Lou couldn't help but blush hotly. It wasn't the first time she had caught him gazing at her in the same strange way, which made her feel very uncomfortable as if he could actually see into her very soul.

"Shall we, Ma'am?" Kid said as he motioned for her to get into the elevator with a smooth slide of his hand.

Without a word Louise darted inside and placed herself at the far end. Kid followed her and pressed the button to their floor and as the elevator began moving, he came to rest his back against one of its metal walls just a few feet from Louise. They stood in silence for a few seconds, but then without giving any thought Lou blurted out, "What was all that with Jimmy? You jealous or what?"

"What are you talking about? Of course not!" Kid exclaimed with an irritated expression. "I just worry about him, that's all. He's my friend. He doesn't know much about her and could end up being hurt. I do know Jimmy, and despite his tough and jaded appearance, he's actually quite vulnerable. It wouldn't be the first time he'd be disappointed because of a woman."

"Maybe Sarah can change all that and actually be the person who ends that streak of disappointments."

"I really hope so," Kid replied sincerely. "Yet, it's too risky to start a relationship with a person from work."

"It does work for some people," Lou contradicted him stubbornly. "Look at Teaspoon and Rachel... or Emily and Ike. In any case, you aren't in any position to be giving lectures in that department."

"What do you mean by that?" Kid asked with a frown.

"You know... you and Samantha."

Kid let out a long exhale of air with a discontented expression. "Gosh, don't tell me the tale has already reached you!" Lou simply shrugged her shoulders, wondering if she should have kept to herself that she knew about the two of them. Apparently, he didn't like people to tattle about his private affairs and Lou had to agree that he had a right to keep his privacy like she did. "Who told you about that?" Kid asked after a bit.

"Samantha."

"Really? And what did she tell you?"

"Nothing special. I guess just what there is to say."

"I see," Kid simply replied. Naturally he didn't have anything to hide in that sense, but it didn't make him feel at ease to know that Samantha was still spreading the tale about their past history or maybe about her present intentions. He breathed in deeply and bumped his head against the elevator wall clumsily. "It's not easy... honestly," he muttered to himself as if he had forgotten about Lou's presence and bringing to mind all the times he had to bear Samantha's silly flirtations he added, "It's kind of awkward."

"How long have you been together?" Louise asked, snapping him out of his own thoughts.

Kid turned to stare at her with a surprised expression. "We _were_ together for two months," he replied, emphasizing the tense purposefully to make her aware of her slip. "We broke up three months ago."

"Oh..." Lou let out, her face showing an expression of total bewilderment.

"What?"

"Nothing," the young woman replied, trying to disperse the whole thing as she realized that she had blundered it with her misplaced comments.

"Come on, tell me. Why do you look as if you had committed a crime?"

"It's nothing. Really. I must have misunderstood her," Lou replied. "Most likely... From her words I jumped to the conclusion... to the wrong conclusion that you were still together." As she talked, Lou mentally went through her conversation with Samantha a few days ago, but she couldn't find where she might have got it wrong. Samantha had clearly stated that she and Kid had something going on or an understanding as she had called it.

"Did she tell you we were together? I can't believe it!" came Kid's angry reply.

"I'm sure it was my fault. It must have been a misunderstanding."

"A misunderstanding my foot!" Kid exclaimed furiously, but he had to rein in his anger as the elevator door opened and a couple of people got inside. The pair continued in uncomfortable silence for the rest of the trip and when the door pinged open on their floor, they darted outside. Kid didn't waste any time and burst out what he was longing to exclaim again, "I can't believe she told you that!"

"Kid, it's not such a big deal!" Louise replied, trying to play the matter down. Because of her big mouth she might have stirred trouble between her two colleagues. "Maybe she was just pulling my leg."

"Please don't defend her! I know she did it intentionally and I'm going to tell her a couple of plain truths right now. I'm fed up with her silly games!"

The doctor tried to scurry away but Lou was quicker and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Please Kid, it's not worth it. You've put me right about you two and that's it. Just let it go."

Kid shook his head exasperated and added, "The thing is that she seems unable to accept that we broke up. No matter what I do, she keeps bugging me with her insinuations."

"Why did you two break up?"

"I realized that we didn't have much in common," Kid answered, confirming Lou's first suspicions and impressions about them. "I had just come out of a long-standing relationship and Samantha simply served as a distraction for my broken heart. I know it was entirely my fault to start something I wasn't sure about. And well... now she doesn't want to let go."

"She'll learn to understand it... eventually. Some day you'll get yourself a girl and she'll have to accept it."

"I don't know about that, Lou. Not everybody is as lucky as you," Kid remarked, directing his gaze to her hand, which strangely still held to his shirt front, and particular to her wedding band. "Yet, I have to say with all certainty that in your case he's the lucky one."

Louise quickly released her hold on his shirt and turned away from him, flushed and awkward. "Uh... I'd better get changed and ready for the day." Without even sparing a single look in his direction, Lou almost ran away from him as if the very devil was chasing her while Kid stared at her, wondering what he had done to make her react in that way.

* * *

Later in the day Louise was on her way to collect some test results from the laboratory. The day was proving to be hectic beyond measure, which kind of reminded her of her routine in her old clinic in Guam. Kid and she had been so busy that they hadn't even been able to break for lunch. They had simply had a bite to keep going and had stood on their feet since then. Fortunately, later in the afternoon things had relaxed and even though Kid had insisted on her taking a break, she had refused and had even volunteered to pick up the test results from the laboratory, which was on the other side of the building. A walk, even inside the stuffy and cavernous hospital, would do her good, Lou had reasoned and she had happily gone on her errand.

As she turned a corner at the end of a corridor, she didn't realize that somebody else was coming from the opposite direction as well and she bumped against him. The papers and files he had been carrying scattered all on the floor. Louise quickly fell on her knees next to the man to pick them up as she uttered an apology, "Oh I'm so sorry, Buck. I totally didn't see you. I can be so clumsy at times."

"Don't worry. It's all right," he replied as he finally collected all his papers.

"I hope I didn't mess up all that," Lou remarked, pointed at the stack of documents in his arms.

"I wouldn't worry about that. These reports are for your dear Doctor Kydd... so if there's something amiss I can always put the blame on you," returned Buck teasingly.

"Very funny, Buck."

"So where are you going all fired-up now?"

"Just need to pick up some test results from the lab."

Buck stood in thought for a few seconds and then he said "What if I accompany you there and make your errand a much more pleasant experience and then you do me the favor of taking these papers to Kid? Do we have a deal then, Dr. McCloud?" Buck asked, stretching his arm to her in an exaggerated way.

"We certainly do, Mr. Cross," Lou laughed as they shook hands playfully. She had to admit that Buck was a surprising man to say the least. Her first impression of him had told her that he was over serious and taciturn, but in fact Buck had an easy going disposition and a special sense of humor, which sent her in fits of giggles.

Lou resumed her walking accompanied by Buck. They made small talk as they wended their way along the corridor until they reached the laboratory. As they got inside, Louise greeted the technician warmly as well as Buck, and as soon as the test results were in her hands, they left the room. On their way back to their respective units, at some point Buck stopped dead in his tracks, and when Lou noticed he wasn't following her, she turned round to him with a questioning expression. Buck was staring into a perpendicular corridor off this one and when Louise approached him, she realized what he was watching so intently. "What on earth is she doing here?" Buck mumbled to himself. "I thought she was on night duty yesterday."

"Yes, she was," Lou answered. From their position they could see Sarah, the woman Jimmy was dating trying to lock a door. Lou knew that the mentioned door closed one of the medicine closets scattered around the hospital. The woman was dressed in the same outfit Lou had seen her wear that morning, which told them that she wasn't working now.

When Sarah turned and saw the pair looking at her, her face momentarily showed surprise, but then she composed herself, squared her shoulders and lifted her chin in a proud pose as she marched towards the onlookers. "Hello... how are you doing, guys?"

Buck wasn't interested in respecting formalities and he simply ignored her greeting and blurted out his question, "What are you doing here, Sarah?"

"I don't know how, but I left my purse inside that closet... my mind is like a sieve," she explained, throwing her head backwards laughing. "My keys, my cell phone... everything was inside. I haven't been able to get into my apartment yet and I'm ready to drop after last night."

Buck nodded seriously and added, "Then I won't delay you any longer. Go home and get some sleep." The woman thanked her colleague with soft words and was about to dart off when Buck called her again. Sarah stopped and turned to him once again, silently questioning what he wanted from her now. "The closet keys. I'll replace them in the cabinet for you," Buck explained, explicitly stretching his open palm towards her. Sarah roughly took them away from her jacket pocket and handed them to him and without another word she ran off.

As Buck and Lou continued their way a few seconds later, he blurted out, "I don't trust her."

"Why not?"

"Well... she had almost been to every department in this hospital for a reason. Nobody wants to have her around and I wonder why. She's definitely trouble."

"Jimmy is going out with her," Lou said as if that would magically restore her bad reputation.

"I know that and I'd be careful if I were him."

"What do you mean by that, Buck? What is it you have heard about her?"

Buck was about to reply but a soft greeting sounded near them interrupting the moment. "Hello, Dr. McCloud."

Lou turned to the sound of her name and saw Jane in front of them, clad in her nightgown. "Jane... hi. How are you?"

"Well... very pregnant and bored," the girl replied, which brought about a bittersweet sensation in Lou. She knew that even though her comment had been made in jest, it hid a sad and true reality. As Kid had told her, Jane had nobody and her baby's father hadn't even turned up to see her.

"I thought you were going home this week," Louise said, wondering why she was still in the hospital when Kid had assured that he'd give her a clean bill of health by the end of the week since her blood pressure was getting steady.

"That's the plan," Jane answered while she darted a quick look at Buck, who stopped beside Louise.

The petite doctor noticed the exchange of curious glances between her friend and her patient, and hurried to make the introductions. "Jane, do you know Buck Cross, our head of pharmacy here at the hospital?"

"How do you do, Mr. Cross," the girl greeted, smiling candidly.

"Please call me Buck. The title makes me feel thirty years older and even adds some grayness to my hair and a pair of wrinkles to my face."

Jane laughed loudly, running her eyes through his jet black hair and smooth skin, not noticing any grey hairs or any wrinkles at all. "You're not so old," the girl exclaimed.

"Oh... thank you for the ... uh ... "flattery". That makes me feel so much better," Buck returned teasingly.

"Sorry," the girl muttered, amusement showing in her bright black eyes. "It's boredom that makes me put my foot in my mouth. I simply can't think anymore of pure boredom."

"Then we'll have to do something about it, won't we? What about ...?" Somebody clearing their throat nearby cut his line short and he turned to see Louise looking at him with a disapproving expression. "Uh... we'd better go now, hadn't we, Lou?" the man said awkwardly.

"See you later, Jane," Louise added with a smile but with a serious face at the same time.

The pair continued in silence for a few minutes. With folded arms Lou walked along with a solemn bearing while Buck kept sending her glances, unsure what to do of the sudden change in her posture. "What's wrong, Lou?" he asked when he couldn't stand the tension that had settled between them any longer.

"You should think first before flirting so bluntly with an expecting woman!" Lou exclaimed irritated.

"She's not married... and the guy who knocked her up is an asshole," Buck retorted, annoyed at being scolded like a teenager.

"First of all," Lou countered, "don't ever use that language in front of me, all right? And secondly, how do you know so much about Jane?"

"Lou, I have eyes... she happens to live in my neighborhood but strangely enough this is the first time we've talked."

"Why?"

"I dunno... I guess I'm too shy when it comes to the women I'm attracted to. I really like her and I don't think it's a crime."

Lou hung her head in embarrassment on hearing the light rebuke behind his words. "I'm sorry, Buck. I had no right to lecture you. And you're right... Jane has nobody and is in urgent need of a good friend."

"I really don't want to take advantage of her vulnerability... honestly."

"I know, Buck, I know," Lou replied, and sheepishly showing her smile to him, she stretched her arm in his direction, "Friends again?"

Buck laughed as he shook her hand for the second time that day, he added, "Well, our paths get diverted here."

"Yes, you're right."

"Thank you for the company. I'll see you later."

Buck continued down the corridor while Lou took the elevator two floors up. Five minutes later she let herself into the office and found Kid busy scribbling at his desk. When her feet resounded in the silence of the room, he looked up and smiled. "Here are the blood test results you wanted to double-check and the reports you wanted from Buck," she said as she left the stack of papers on the table.

"Thanks." He started to look through them when he suddenly remembered something. "Oh I almost forgot... somebody called you when you were away."

"Really?" Lou asked with a surprised expression. "Who?"

"I don't know. Laura took the call and she left a post-it somewhere on my desk," he said as he started lifting papers, trying to locate the note the nurse had left him. "Oh here it is," he exclaimed as he stuck the yellow post-it on his thumb and read aloud the name scribbled on it. "Frank." The doctor frowned as he said, "There's nothing else written. No last name or phone number."

"No need. I know who he is," Lou retorted but didn't say anything else.

Kid eyed her with curiosity. Louise was a cheerful and friendly girl, but she never talked about herself or her personal matters. She seemed very secretive about her husband and Kid wondered why. She never mentioned him and nobody even knew his name. Her sense of privacy was such that Kid had to admit he sometimes forgot she was actually married. He knew that he had sworn that he wouldn't be affected by her charm and pretty face, but he was well aware that he sometimes got carried away and stared at her lovely face in a way he shouldn't.

"You can use the phone if you want to," Kid offered and after hesitating for a few seconds, Lou finally accepted. She picked up the wireless phone and went to sit on a stool next to the stretcher where they examined patients. After dialing the number, she waited for the call to go through. Kid remained on his seat and tried to concentrate on his reports, not wanting to make her think he was eavesdropping. In any case if she wanted to keep her conversation private, she could have left the room to talk, but apparently she didn't care if he heard her phone call.

"Hi, it's me..." Lou greeted and as the conversation progressed, Kid noticed that her mood gradually darkened. "No, I can't... I have things to do, you know... No... No... Of course not... she doesn't have anything to do with this... I didn't tell anybody... Of course I'm sure!... Why? ... I know ... I know... all right then... yeah... yes... no, don't come here... please... all right... see you later then... bye."

Louise pressed the off-button and walked back to Kid's desk and left the phone on its holder. The young man noticed her sullen expression and asked, "Something wrong, Lou?"

His question made her react and forcing a smile on her face she said, "No, of course not. Simply matters of the heart...or so it seems." Kid nodded even though he wasn't sure what she was talking about and then Lou asked, "Kid could I possibly leave a bit early today... you know... like now?"

"Yes, of course," the Southern doctor replied, feeling that she wouldn't be asking for it if she didn't think it strictly necessary. "We've had a terrible day and it's only right you get a little reward. You totally deserve it."

"I'll make up for the hours," Lou stated firmly and as Kid tried to protest, she wouldn't let him, "Don't argue with me, sir. I know what I'm doing."

"At your command, sir," Kid retorted with a grin, which she didn't see as she was already out of the door. Even after minutes had passed by, Kid was still smiling as he went back to work and his papers, but his smile gradually faded until it disappeared as he replayed in his mind the conversation Lou had had with that guy on the telephone. Frank... yeah, that was his name. Kid wondered whether he was her mysterious husband. In any case Lou hadn't sounded very happy. Maybe she was having problems in her marriage... maybe.

As soon as the thought popped in his mind, his heart started pounding strongly in eager anticipation. Kid then had to chastise himself in silence. He shouldn't get those kind of ideas about her... she was definitely out of bounds, off limits, forbidden. In just the week he had been working with her, Kid had seen how awfully nice she was. Nice. Actually, nice wasn't the most suitable adjective to describe her; it was clearly an understatement... she was so much more: hard-working, cheerful, kind and a dozen more adjectives, but no word was good enough to fit her. Her husband was a heck of a lucky man and Kid hoped that he treated her how she deserved. He wouldn't like to learn that he made her unhappy, but then that wasn't his business. All that was just, though very selfish, wishful thinking. Naturally she must lead a blissful life with a wonderful man who showered her with love. Some people were really lucky. Kid sighed deeply as he wondered when he was going to be lucky too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Rain poured outside torrentially. The weatherman had forecast continuous summer storms all through the day and he hadn't been wrong. The first drops had started falling the night before and rain had gone on and off for most of the day.

Lou stared at the falling water through the window in the common room. She loved these wet days, especially when she could have the pleasure to watch and hear the steady rhythm of the rain pelting on the roof. Unlike many people, she even enjoyed thunder and lightning, which actually made her realize how small she was in comparison with the greatness of nature. What she disliked about these rainy days was the fact that she had to leave her bike at home and take the car instead. Of course Kid and the others hadn't wasted the chance to tease her when they had seen her pull over in the parking lot reserved for the hospital staff.

While she studied some of the most serious cases they now had, Kid had gone off to release some of the patients, among whom Jane was one from the list after spending a few extra days in the hospital. Louise would have liked to tag along with Kid and see Jane's face when he told her the news. The poor girl was climbing the walls out of boredom and Lou couldn't blame her. Yet, Louise had decided to stay behind. Her numerous obligations didn't leave her enough time to study and she was falling behind in her progress. There were many aspects in the field that she was still too green in.

With the intention of getting acquainted at least with the real cases Kid was treating, she had started reading the reports, but after a while she felt she had had enough. Some of these cases were too depressing... That was her real problem in this profession. She let herself be affected by work, but there was nothing she could do about it. Like Kid had said, it was her personality. She had been born with a problem of sensitivity... she was too sensitive even though she might sometimes look as tough as old boots. There was no way she could act coolly when she witnessed people suffering. Lou just couldn't understand how she could do otherwise... Nobody with a pinch of humanity in their soul could remain indifferent to other people's problems. Actually, she had too much of both: problems and humanity.

As she had got tired of reading the reports, she had left her position at the big table and had been watching the rain fall ever since.

"Lousy weather!" a rough voice behind her startled her and when she turned her head, she saw Teaspoon walking in. "Sorry to startle you, Louise," the man said, brushing the water off his long coat.

"Hello, Teaspoon."

"Isn't this supposed to be summer?" the old doctor kept banging with his particular campaign against the day's weather as he slid off his coat and left it on a hanger. "I just popped out for a minute and almost got soaked to the bone."

Louise chuckled with amusement at his tirade and asked, "Are you looking for Kid?"

"Actually I am and..." Teaspoon started, but stopped to gather his thoughts for a few seconds. "But for the love of God... I don't remember what for... My memory is getting weaker by the day... My age," he muttered to himself.

"He's not here anyway."

"And what are you up to, Louise?"

"I was just checking some cases and now watching the lovely rain fall outside."

"Lovely rain?" Teaspoon echoed, raising an eyebrow in surprise. "You sound very poetic and cheery for a foul day like this. Are all of your kind like you?"

Lou had to smile at the comment. "I don't know, but maybe it's just a particular thing of mine."

Teaspoon came to rest his side against the window frame as he looked into her eyes. "Tell me, Louise, how are you settling here... in our humble abode?"

"Perfectly. I'm delighted. Couldn't have expected so much."

"I'm glad to hear that," Teaspoon said and right afterwards a clap of thunder boomed, almost deafening him. "There you have your lovely weather." Louise giggled and the man added, "I really should call it a day and snuggle cozily at home."

"And why don't you? You're the boss."

"Yes... but the little woman won't be finishing until six and I'd hate to lock myself up in that house all by myself."

"You and Rachel seem to be a very well-matched couple," Lou commented breezily.

"Yeah... we have a healthy and adult relationship," Teaspoon said in a chirpy tone. "To tell you the truth, I don't know what I'd do without her."

"Healthy? Adult? Why do people use those euphemisms when they really mean something else?" Lou exclaimed before checking what she was saying and more importantly, who she was talking to. As usual, her mouth worked faster than her mind and she blurted out the first thing she thought of, not bothered by the fact that she was actually talking to her boss about his very private matters.

To her utter surprise Teaspoon chuckled and said, "You're absolutely right. I guess this world so obsessed with politically correctness is rubbing on me after all. But wait... let me rephrase my previous words... OK... so Rachel and I simply shack up... you know, live in sin, but it suits us fine."

"Does it?" Lou replied and after just giving it a quick thought. She risked playing dumb and asked the follow-up question, "Both of you?"

"The little woman hasn't complained so far."

"Have you actually asked her?"

Teaspoon gave her a strange look, frowning and wondering where all that came from. "What does that mean?"

With his question, Lou realized that she had overstepped the limits of propriety. What Rachel and she had talked about that first day was something she shouldn't have hinted at to Teaspoon. This was a matter that should only concern the couple and she had no right to stick her nose in somebody else's business. However good intentions she had, her meddling might cause trouble between them and that was the last thing she wanted. "Nothing," Lou replied to his question, smiling indifferently and hoping he didn't see through her, "You know my kind and what we are like."

Satisfied by her answer, the man chuckled and was about to reply when suddenly the door burst open and a flushed Kid stalked inside. "What's wrong, son?"

"We have an emergency," he announced and turning to Lou, he added, "Get ready and come with me. It's Jane. She's in labor."

"But... but she... she's a month early!" Lou stuttered in a panic as she dashed after him, leaving Teaspoon behind in the room. They almost made it to Jane's room in record time and as they got inside, Jane's loud screams welcomed them. Emma and another nurse were already with her. Kid checked the monitor and asked, "How's she doing?"

"Good and steady, Kid," Emma replied. "Contractions coming over five minutes apart. She doesn't want an epidural, though."

"I know," was all Kid said. Like some women Jane had assured him that when the moment arrived, she wanted to have a natural childbirth and feel her baby. However, in his experience he knew that when the first pains hit, those mothers cried, begged, demanded to get the shots. Jane, though, seemed adamant to stick to her initial decision. "How are you doing, sweetheart? Kid asked her, coming closer to Jane when the last contraction had subsided.

"Please take him out... like now!" Jane begged breathlessly. "This is so much worse than I thought."

"Patience, my dear. You'll be holding your baby sooner than you think," the doctor softly explained, removing a tendril of her brown hair from her sweaty forehead.

Jane tried to smile, but couldn't say a word since she could already feel the beginning of another contraction. "Kid, please, can you have a look at this?" Lou called him from her position in front of the delivery table where she had been examining the girl.

The young doctor strode over to her and after a quick look he and Lou exchanged knowing looks, both aware of what they had to do. As the following contraction passed, Jane asked with a teeny weenie voice, "Something wrong with my baby?"

"Nothing wrong. The baby's coming in breech presentation, so we'll have to do a Caesarean section, nothing to worry about," Kid informed her and Jane's face fell at the news since that would mean she'd have to spend longer in hospital than she would in normal conditions. "Don't worry, honey," Kid said on seeing her dismayed expression, and in an attempt to raise her spirits, he made a light comment. "It's a small incision that will be beneath your bikini line, so you'll be back on the beach none the worse for wear before you know it."

He turned to Emma and said, "Get her ready for surgery, please."

Kid walked out of the room, followed by Lou, who clearly looked a bit stressed out. She had never been in a surgical delivery before and even though part of her was eager to take this new step, she was also apprehensive and nervous. Kid requested for an operating room to be prepared for surgery. Both he and Lou quickly got changed into their green operating scrubs and then they thoroughly washed their hands in the sink inside the area adjacent to the operating room where Jimmy already was with his complete outfit on. Louise hadn't opened her mouth since they had left Jane and Kid could clearly guess what was on her mind. "Everything's gonna be all right," the young doctor said as he pulled on a pair of latex gloves. "It's just a common procedure."

"Nothing to worry about, Dr. McCloud," Jimmy added, winking an eye at her.

"I know... but I have to admit I'm a bit scared."

"You'll be fine," Kid replied while he tied the textile mask on the nape of his neck. He smiled at her even though she couldn't see his grinning mouth now. "Ready, guys?" he asked after a while when he saw Lou had donned the whole outfit as well.

Lou and Jimmy simply nodded and followed him inside the room, where a nurse made them slide into green gowns which she tied on their backs. Jane was already on the operating table, her eyes closed, which told Lou she had already been sedated for the operation. Ike was also in the room and turned to Kid while he said, "As you've requested, I've given her general anesthesia."

"Thanks, Ike."

"General anesthesia?" Lou asked, her voice coming out muffled through the material of her mask.

"Her blood pressure is very tricky and I'm not running any risks."

Louise nodded and she got ready to assist Kid in everything he needed. The doctor got hold of the scalpel with extra care and made a neat incision on the patient's lower abdomen. Lou marveled at his operative proceedings. His movements were so exact and precise that it really amazed her. Kid's complete attention was on the operation table; he never hesitated and only allowed himself to look up to ask for a surgical instrument or to give instructions. Lou was so engrossed in what was happening before her eyes that she almost let out a cry when the baby finally showed, surrounded in a gooey layer of blood and placenta. Kid lifted the baby boy from Jane's womb and as soon as he felt suddenly unprotected from the comfort he had enjoyed for the last eight months he let out an ear-splitting wail, which echoed in the whole room. "Seems we have another young tenor here," Emma joked as she handed the baby to the neonatologist to suction him and check him over.

Suddenly, above the newborn's more calmed wails, a high-pitched beep sounded ominously in the room. "What the hell...?" Kid cursed as he flicked his eyes to the monitor.

"Her blood pressure's scaling up!" Lou almost shouted in urgency.

Kid's curse was followed by a buzzing of activity and tension as the team worked to steady her blood pressure to no avail. Lou followed her supervisor's instructions like an automaton, shivering from head to toe as panic swept through her. The beep boomed louder and louder, drilling into her mind and Lou had the sensation that she was going to faint and fall at any given time.

"Damn it! She isn't responding!" Jimmy exclaimed, his eyes expressing the tension they were all going through.

"Come on, Jane... don't do this to us!" Kid wheezed between gritted teeth and for the first time Lou saw him lose his calm demeanor, which clearly meant business. "Oh dammit!" Kid exclaimed exasperated, as a vessel in the girl's open incision burst open and blood started to splatter out.

"I'll call Dr. Barnes," a nurse volunteered, striding over to the telephone and they all heard how she informed the surgeon of what had happened in an urgent voice.

Her words spurred Lou into action and she heard herself say, "There's no time for that!" Kid nodded at her words and with a motion of the head he conveyed her to take over. For one moment Louise looked between the two trained obstetricians and they simply consented bobbing their heads almost simultaneously. Without being aware of her own movements, she took over from Kid and though with trembling hands, she repeated from memory what she once had to do in her old clinic in Guam. A maintenance worker had suffered an accident, resulting in him getting a serious gash on his abdomen with a hacksaw, which had also pierced a vessel. Lou had been forced to perform emergency surgery, following the instructions that a surgeon from the hospital in the capital gave her on the telephone. It had been the most stressing and frightening experience in her life and even though the man had sadly died due to further complications, she had managed to repair the damage caused by the saw. This time was even worse and acting quickly and without mistakes was fundamental right now.

Kid kept a close eye on her, watching in amazement at the good job she was doing. A similar situation had happened to him while he had been a learning obstetrician himself. Teaspoon had been his supervisor then and in the middle of a hysterectomy things had got serious and to his surprise Teaspoon had let him tackle the situation. He had been a nervous wreck like he supposed that Louise was right now but that experience had helped him to build up his self-confidence and realize that he could actually perform on his own. Lou was doing really good and he kept watching her closely in case he needed to take over from her.

"We're losing her," a nurse kept saying. Lou's mind raced, panicking at every minute while her eyes anxiously followed the motions of her own hands, feeling that she was bound to fail at any moment. When the same nurse repeated the same words, she lost her temper and snapped in a very unfriendly way, "Will you all shut up!"

The room then turned deadly silent but for the continuous beep of the monitors and the sounds of the ventilator. "You're doing great," Kid whispered behind her and for one split second she let herself lift her grateful eyes to him and for that fleeting second their grazes met warmly, expressing a thousand words, and then she carried on.

"She's getting steady..."

No sooner had the nurse uttered those words than Doctor Barnes, the Chief of Vascular Surgery, arrived. "I'll take over from here, Doctor McCloud," he said. "You've done an excellent job."

Too distraught and nervous to talk, Lou simply nodded and stumbled out of the operating room into the adjacent one, shaky and shivering. Through the big windows she watched Doctor Barnes, Kid and Jimmy finish what she had started. After agonizing minutes the Southern doctor turned round and on spotting her, he lifted a thumb indicating that everything had gone as it should.

Lou turned away from the window and came to stand before the washbasin. With a strong tug she yanked off her cap mask and gown, and finally she shoved her bloody latex gloves into the sink. Switching on the tap, she let the water run freely, thus getting mixed with the blood that the gloves were completely covered in. As if in a trance, Louise stared at the reddish liquid flowing down the hole in the sink when suddenly, Kid's voice resounded behind her.

"They're taking Jane to intensive care," he explained as he shed the same garments as Louise previously and shoved them in the basket. "That was some scare, wasn't it?"

Lou tried to talk, but a wave of desperation clouded her and the tension she had previously tried to control came unleashed and the tears began brimming over her eyes like in a cascade. As sob escaped her lips and she buried her head in her hands.

"Hey, hey," Kid dashed to her and turning her towards him, he wrapped his arms around her petite frame, comforting her as she wept against his chest. "You were incredible in there, Lou. You saved Jane's life and you should be proud of yourself." The young woman removed her hands from her face and encircled his waist tightly. "Where did you learn to do that?" he asked as a smile played on his lips on feeling her touch.

Louise muttered something against his chest, which he didn't catch, but he refrained from asking her again. The smile remained fixed on his face as he held this woman against him. Kid couldn't prevent himself from thinking how good she smelled and felt. In a spontaneous gesture he planted a soft kiss on the top of her head and said, "It seems I'm not the only one who's getting too personal here."

Louise then lifted her tear-streaked face towards him. As her big brown eyes looked into his, Kid got flooded by an immense tenderness and he felt a sudden desire to kiss her lips. Yet, he didn't move and simply kept staring at her. Who was this woman who had such a pull over him in such a short time? He had known her for less than two weeks, and he had to admit to himself that he had taken a liking to her... a real liking. Despite her being married and a dozen other reasons why he shouldn't be interested in her, he had fallen into the trap he had sworn to himself that he wouldn't fall. The realization that he had something like a crush on Louise didn't come as a surprise at all. Didn't he often stare dumbfounded at her neat figure or at her soft hands and bright eyes when he knew she wasn't paying attention? Kid knew that the situation was very weird... he was a level-headed guy and was well aware that she was forbidden territory. Of course he would never make a move under the present situation. Kid only hoped that he could get over his stupid infatuation before it got worse... otherwise, this year was going to be total torture.

Instead of giving in to his desires, he smiled and noticing that some blood had smeared onto her face, he brushed the back of his hand against her cheek and said, "Your face is all messy."

His touch made Lou react and disengaging herself from his hold, she moved away from him, which brought about great disappointment to the young doctor. He cleared his throat to hide his own bubbling feelings and asked, "Shall we see Jane's new baby?"

Lou simply nodded and followed Kid into the operating room again. The other doctors had already finished examining the infant and Kid came forward before they took him away.

Lou came next to Kid. "He's so tiny," she whispered while stroking the soft fuzz on his head.

"He's perfect... A couple of weeks in the warmer and he'll be fine," Kid explained and Lou nodded with a smile. Turning his head to her, he added, "You know, I've lost count of the hundreds of deliveries I've been to, but it never ceases to amaze me... no matter what."

"The miracle of life," Lou whispered, her voice sounding like a soft caress in the stuffy room.

"Yes... do you ever wish it could happen to you?"

"Well, I used to..."

"Not anymore?" Kid asked, his curiosity aroused by her answer.

Lou shook her head and without thinking, she blurted out, "I can't have children."

"Lou... I...," he tried to form something coherent... an apology or anything to make his indelicate question less evident but his mind had gone blank and he couldn't come up with anything before Lou cut him off.

"Kid, can I be excused?" Lou asked, flapping her hands before her face, foolishly trying to produce some fresh air. "I'm literally burning and I need to freshen up and breathe some air other than in this stuffy room..."

The young doctor silently nodded and as she quickly marched out, he turned his eyes to the sleeping baby, cursing himself for his big mouth and blunder. Why did he always have to trip up with women? No wonder he was all alone and would probably get to the end of his days in the same way... a grumpy, lonely old man.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Her head was pounding painfully as if a hammer was hitting her skull like an anvil. That was the result of the tension she had undergone today and logically her body was now complaining. Lou had never been so scared in her life... other than the time she had performed the same operation in Guam. For one moment she had thought that they'd lose Jane and that baby would have to grow up without his mummy. Lou didn't know how she had managed to follow the procedure she had performed only once and too long ago. In any case, the good thing was that Jane had survived and would soon be cuddling her beautiful baby.

Louise swiftly got inside one of the restrooms reserved for the hospital staff. This one was a bit small, with just a couple of toilet stalls and a single sink. She could well go to the bigger one on the other side of this floor, but Lou just wouldn't bother. She just wanted to splash some fresh water over her face and remove the blood stains Kid had told her about. As she entered, she thought that it was a good thing she didn't need to use the toilet now since one stall was busy and the other one had a big out-of-order sign on its door.

Walking to the sink, she stood in front of the mirror as she studied her face. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, her hair was all tousled and stains of dry blood were scattered over her cheeks and forehead. _What a hideous sight!_ she thought, making a grimace. No wonder Kid had looked at her as if he had been seeing a ghost, and had even laughed at her.

While she was still standing before the sink, she heard the toilet flush and immediately afterwards the door unlocked. Through the mirror Louise saw Sarah step out of the stall. At first after realizing that there was somebody in the restroom with her the nurse clearly showed a surprised face and quickly zipped up the makeup bag she carried as if she was trying to conceal from curious eyes what she had in it.

"Hello, Sarah," Lou greeted, curious about what had prompted that reaction in the nurse.

Sarah plastered a fake smile on her red lips as she said, "I didn't know there was somebody else in here."

"I just came in," Lou replied and saw the woman approach from behind.

Sarah switched on the tap and washed her hands. As she noticed Lou's face and the remainder of tears, she asked, "A bad day?"

"Could've been worse," Louise simply answered, not feeling like sharing the details with her. Sarah and she weren't close and had hardly talked before.

The nurse dried her hands with a paper towel from the dispenser and picking up her makeup bag, she turned to leave. "Gotta go. See you later, doc."

"Bye, Sarah," Lou replied as the nurse walked out, slamming the door shut. Then Louise started washing her hands with plenty of soap and water. Despite having been wearing gloves, blood had also smeared some parts, especially her wrists. After rinsing her hands, she cupped them and filled them with fresh water, which she splashed over her face, rubbing energetically on the areas where dry blood was more evident.

Her face and hands were dripping wet and as she turned to the paper towel dispenser, she realized that Sarah had taken the last one. So Louise walked inside the stall and grabbing the roll of toilet paper from atop the tank, she unrolled a large strip which she dried herself with. The wet paper clumsily fell from her hands and when she stooped to pick it up, she noticed something else on the floor. As a curious woman, she got hold of the small bottle and then she read the name on the label: Roxanol. It was the name of a type of liquid morphine.

Her mind started to reel, wondering who might have left an empty bottle of this preparation here. Maybe someone had dropped it by accident. It was not strange to simply shove an empty bottle of some medicine in a pocket just to remember what to order from the main pharmacy to restock the supplies in your area. It was the most logical assumption but somehow Lou couldn't help but think of Sarah and her strange reaction on seeing her. Louise stood and pressed the pedal with her foot to open the bin, but at a glimpse there was nothing but paper. Not satisfied she then had a look inside the toilet.

There floating on the water there was a hypodermic syringe. Lou bit her lip, unhappy with her discovery. She had wanted to believe that her first assumption was right, but seeing the evidence with her own eyes she couldn't deny the truth. Drug abuse was a common issue nowadays and she herself had dealt with many poor victims of this modern trap... very easy to fall in but too hard to get out of. Here the problem was worse. The bottle belonged to the hospital as she could see from the label and that meant that there was theft involved.

Louise wondered who could be the owner of the syringe and the drug bottle. Her first instinct was to suspect Sarah, especially after seeing her odd behavior. Yet, she couldn't be sure. It could be anybody... that syringe and bottle might have been there for hours now and could belong to anybody from the staff ... and even patients or visitors. More than once Lou had stumbled upon somebody who by mistake was using the restrooms reserved for the hospital staff.

After a few more seconds Lou carefully picked up the syringe, wrapped it in a strip of toilet paper and walked out of the restroom into the hall where she put the item safely in a sharp box. Immediately afterwards she stepped back into the restroom and washed her hands again in the sink. As she stood before the sink, she couldn't stop thinking that Sarah was the right person to suspect. Her bad reputation preceded her and even though Lou didn't want to feel influenced by what people rumored about, it was a bit difficult. She wanted to believe that everybody was innocent until proven guilty. Although Sarah had had her share of problems in several departments in the hospital, that didn't mean that she was involved with drugs or that she was a thief.

Picking up the bottle she had left on the sink, Louise tucked it in her pocket and walked out of the restroom. Brooding over her discovery she shuffled along the corridor to the elevator. Jane had been taken down to intensive care and she supposed that Kid had gone there. Her guess was right as she spotted him as soon as she got to the department. Buck was with him and they were both staring through the big window panes of the room Jane was in.

"Hey!" Louise greeted. Kid smiled at her awkwardly and Buck simply bobbed his head. "How's Jane doing?"

"She's gonna be all right," the Southern doctor replied.

"Good," Louise sighed with evident relief.

"Poor Jane," Buck muttered to himself. "Seems life can't give her a respite."

Kid and Lou exchanged a wary look and he said, "Buck, you heard Doctor Barnes... she's gonna be fine."

"I know," the pharmacist replied, trying to smile but failing miserably. "It's just that... I got so scared when I heard about it."

"We all did," Lou rejoined. She knew that Buck had feelings for the girl... feelings that he had always hidden for some reason... and of course in his case his anxiety for Jane's welfare was deeper.

"I think I need to thank you, Lou. Without you, Jane... " Buck trailed off, unable to utter those terrible words.

"I didn't do anything..." she replied, disregarding his words.

"Yes, you did," Kid insisted. "Don't be so modest."

Lou didn't answer back to his comments. In fact, she wasn't being modest and she didn't feel she had done anything extraordinary. Lou had simply followed her instinct and what had turned out fine could well have ended up with disastrous results. Jane might be dead now because as a matter of fact, she hadn't been sure of what she had done, so there wasn't any pride in accepting praise that she didn't deserve.

Louise and the two men remained in silence, watching the girl resting and after a few minutes without a word they turned round and ambled away. "Buck," Louise called and when she was sure she had his whole attention, she asked, "Have you noticed any... uh ... irregularities in your stock lately?"

"Irregularities? Not that I know, why?"

"I found this in the restroom," she explained, showing both men the bottle.

Buck took it from her hand and with a single look he recognized the bar code that every single medication from the hospital had on the label. "This one is ours all right."

"Could you find out where exactly that one came from, Buck?"

"What for, Lou? Somebody dropped an empty bottle of Roxanol... not a big deal," Kid remarked, not getting what she was leading to with all this.

"There was a syringe floating in the toilet," Lou whispered as they stopped before the elevator.

Both men turned surprised faces to the woman and Buck asked, "Do you have any idea whose it might be?"

Louise paused briefly before she answered, "No... I don't know."

Her hesitation didn't come unnoticed by the two men and it was Kid who spoke up this time, "Lou, if you know something..."

"I don't like throwing accusations when I don't know for sure."

"Who is it?" Buck simply asked with a no-nonsense demeanor. "This is a serious matter."

Louise hesitated for a moment and then blurted out, "Sarah."

"Sarah?" Kid repeated with a stunned expression. "You mean Jimmy's Sarah?"

Louise nodded and added, "She came out and was kind of jittery when she saw me."

"Afraid of being caught while being a bad girl?" Buck let out in an ironical but serious way.

"It could be anybody, Buck," Lou answered back. "I refuse to jump to conclusions like that. And whoever it is... there might be an explanation... somebody is probably in deep trouble... I don't know."

"Lou, her past record speaks for itself... but I'll check it out," Buck replied. "Don't worry... I won't have her tossed to the lions... not yet anyway."

"Well, in any case we'd better not breathe a word of this to Jimmy," Kid said and his two colleagues nodded in agreement. This wasn't the first time that a member of the staff had been found out to be in serious trouble with drug addiction but for his friend's sake Kid hoped that Lou's hunch was wrong. Jimmy seemed quite smitten with the girl. A few days ago Kid had gone for a drink with the couple and he had to say that he had never seen his friend so keen on somebody before. Jimmy was the kind of man that enjoyed the company of ladies. He really had a special magnetism for females, and it was a rare occasion when he wasn't dating somebody. His interest lasted as long as a soap bubble, and Jimmy would move on to another woman. Yet, for some reason things with Sarah were different, and Kid could even state that his friend was falling in love with her.

The elevator opened its doors and the trio got inside. Not a word passed between them until Buck reached his floor and bid the pair good-bye. As the elevator continued with just the two of them, Kid thought that this was his chance to straighten his blunder. He threw a glance at Louise, who was looking absently nowhere in particular. Her haggard face was evidence of her tiredness and a specially trying day. Kid cleared his throat to catch her attention and then he started, "Lou, I wanted to apologize for... you know... for what I said before."

Louise frowned in confusion. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

Kid shifted his weight from one leg to the other, uncomfortable with the conversation. "You know... all that I asked about babies and stuff."

It then dawned on her what he was referring to. She shook her head as she said, "No need to apologize. It's me who should be apologizing. I dropped that on you and made you feel uncomfortable."

"Don't worry about that."

"Actually, it's not that I _can't_ have children... you know... biologically... it's just an option... a personal option... There are other things to consider in my life."

Kid sent her a strange look. She seemed the family type and he couldn't imagine she would be one of those willing to say no to motherhood. "Don't be so definite, Lou. Who knows what's waiting at the end of the road?"

"In my case it's impossible."

"You know what they say... nothing's impossible," Kid insisted, hoping that she might open up. He was still curious about her husband or her life in general. Even though they worked many hours together, there wasn't much time left for them to have a relaxed, work unrelated conversation. And she was always in a hurry at the end of every single day and never stayed when he and the others went for a drink and a chat at their usual place.

"Yes, you're right," Lou agreed as they came out of the elevator. In her case things were different, but she decided not to say anything else. She would like to be completely honest with him and say proudly what she was. Yet, it was still too soon. Someday she would but right now she thought it was better to keep a low profile. She felt so free when she didn't have to explain herself to others or bear the inquisitive looks on her person as she had experienced in the past. Logically she didn't like the situation and she'd much rather think that people didn't have prejudices but sadly they did. What really bothered her was the fact that people assumed that she had a husband. She needed to clear things up but she hadn't found the way yet. She'd have to do it eventually because that made her feel as if she was living a lie. Turning her head to one side she looked at Kid but she simply remained silent as they made their way to their quarters.

* * *

By lunch time the rain that had continuously been falling had stopped and the first sun rays made their appearance, which in combination with the dampness in the air made the atmosphere outside humid and muggy. Naturally in the hospital lunch tended to be pushed back due to the load of work and it was lucky if they could sit down to eat before three o'clock. Today it was almost four when Lou made it to the cafeteria. She walked to the self-service counter and picked up a bowl of salad and some pasta. After paying at the register, her eyes swept around the room and she spotted Emma, Rachel and Emily sitting at one of the booths in the far end corner. Louise ambled towards them carrying her tray and avoiding the tables on her way. As she edged towards her friends, she could hear them laughing and cracking up loudly.

"Hello, Lou," Emily greeted effusively. "Come on, sit with us. There's a very weighty conversation going on." Lou sat down next to Emma, and Emily turned back to Rachel, "Come on, tell us."

A naughty smile played on the blonde woman's lips and after a few seconds she simply said, "In the shopping mall."

"Oh my God!" Emily squealed as if she were a five-year-old.

Louise looked up from her salad and wondered what they were talking about. "Em, please get a grip of yourself," Emma chastised in a whisper, fearing that the people at the other tables might overhear their private conversation, and then swapping her attention to Rachel, she asked, "So Rachel, what happened?"

"Well..." the blonde midwife started, lowering her eyes to the napkin her fingers were playing with, "let's say that size is clearly underestimated in the fitting rooms in the mall. They're not so tiny after all."

Lou stared at her with a serious and neutral expression as she calmly munched her pasta while the other two women giggled hysterically. "Oh... you and Teaspoon can be a pair of…"

"Teaspoon? Me and Teaspoon?" Rachel cut the young receptionist off. "Not him. It was somebody else... of course many years ago. It was an old friend... not even a boyfriend. But that day ... I don't know... we both felt very adventurous." She paused for a beat and added, "Even though Teaspoon might seem a bit... uh... eccentric at times, he's very ordinary and normal in these things. There's only one place we have done it: in our bed."

"Oh dear... I'm so disappointed!" Emily exclaimed with an unhappy expression.

"Sam's also a bit like him," Emma added. "He's a man of fixed habits and says that there's nowhere better than home. When we go on holiday, he complains about everybody and everything and until we get back home he isn't happy again. I tell you, ladies, I can be completely sure that he'd never cheat on me... the change would be too much for him."

Rachel laughed at the comment but Emily kept pouting unsatisfied. "That's not fair, girls. I've told you all about the weird places where Ike and I left our hot mark."

"Emily, it's not our fault that your man is so spontaneous and original while ours aren't," Emma replied.

"I guess," the receptionist let out, leaving out the detail that most times it was her that took the lead in their amorous trysts. Ike was more in the league of her friends' men but she didn't want to clear up the point. She was kind of tired of people always saying that Ike was the mild one in their relationship, and she was the one pulling at the reins. It was annoying when people made those comments, which portrayed Ike like some sort of henpecked husband and her like the horrible, overbearing wife. That was part of the reason that for once she wanted to appear like the submissive and docile one in her already exaggerated account.

Across her Emily spied Lou, who hadn't said a word at all in all this time and simply concentrated on her food. "So Lou, do you have any kinky stories to share?" the woman asked, grinning mischievously and leaning her body across the table, ready to listen to whatever the doctor had to say.

Louise lifted her eyes, left the fork neatly next to her plate and wiped her mouth with a napkin. Letting out a sigh, she started massaging the area between her eyes with two fingers.

"Something wrong, honey?" Emma asked with a concerned demeanor.

Louise directed her eyes to her and replied with a grave tone, "It's just been a long day."

"Emma told us what happened today," Rachel added, aware of what the young doctor was going through after such an unnerving experience like today's. "It's understandable to feel drained."

"Thankfully they are both gonna be fine," Lou muttered as she picked up the fork again and started to play with her food.

The presence of somebody coming to their table cut the conversation short and as the four women looked up, they saw Kid hovering over them. "Hello, ladies," he greeted politely and then turned his attention to Louise. "Lou, we've had a rough day, so we can finish early today."

"If you're doing it for my sake, then don't. I'm fine... really."

"Louise, you're not," Emma piped up. "You look exhausted. Kid, don't pay her any mind and send her home."

"You heard Emma, Dr. McCloud," the Southern man said, grinning when she made an unhappy face. "And I know for sure she's a very smart lady." He paused for a beat and then added, "What do you say if I treat you to an energy drink in that new place... then we can kick back and forget about work for a while."

Lou cleared her throat as she lowered her eyes and tried to gather her thoughts. "You're very kind but I'm afraid I can't."

"Why not?" Kid couldn't help but ask, without bothering to hide his disappointment. She could possibly spare half an hour with a colleague ... a friend... after all they were leaving early today.

Louise lifted her eyes back to him, irritated since she didn't count on being asked for her reasons. "For your information the hospital isn't my only obligation. I have a life outside these four walls... and I can't afford to just... waste my time!" Her outburst surprised even her and she chalked her bad mood up to the tension of that morning that was already playing havoc on her, so she hurried to apologize. "Please forgive me. I guess you're right. I'm too tired to act like a normal person or to be around others." She stood up and squeezing Kid's shoulder, she looked up into his eyes and said, "I'll see you tomorrow then."

Kid nodded and watched her say good-bye to the girls, take the tray with her leftovers to the bin and then retreat out of the room. He didn't even blink as he stared at her figure and only when she disappeared from his sight did he shift his eyes.

"Man, pick up a hankie ... better a sheet or we're likely to drown here with all your drooling," Emily quipped, which made the two other women smile and Kid avert his gaze and direct it to her.

"What the heck does that mean?" Kid retorted with irritation.

"Kid, she's not a free woman," Rachel cut in.

"I know that!"

"But you like her," Rachel added again.

"No! ... I mean... of course I like her... she's a good colleague and friend. Why should I dislike her?"

"Honey," Emma spoke up in a sweet tone, "you know what we're talking about. We care about you and we all saw how hurt Doritha left you. Getting emotionally entangled with somebody who is not available is not in your best interests at all."

"I'm not entangled!" Kid protested a bit more loudly that he really intended, which attracted the attention of the people sitting at the nearby tables. "I'm not entangled," he repeated, in a whisper this time and sat down on the seat Lou had previously been sitting on. "We've become good friends and ... what there is between us is simply a wholesome and respectful friendship... that's all."

"Maybe for her ... but what about you?" Emily replied, turning the screws on him a bit more.

"Of course..." he replied, glaring at the receptionist, and unable to stand the conversation any longer and irritated with their comments, he jumped to his feet and turned to the ladies, a menacing finger pointing at them, "You know what's wrong with you? You're so bored with your lives that you need to play with others. Do me a favor and leave my life out of it, ok?"

With those angry words Kid left the cafeteria, fuming and seething. The three women remained in their seats and when the doctor stormed out of the place, Emily exclaimed, "Oh man, he's even worse than we thought."

"The poor fool doesn't even know what he's getting himself into," Emma replied with a morose expression.

"And it's such a shame!" Rachel said in a dreamy voice, resting her chin on her hands propped on the table. "They'd make such a lovely couple!"

The three women sighed almost at the same time, which sent them in fits of laughter, their last laugh as their break finished and they had to go back and work the rest of their shifts.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"That's a beautiful baby boy you have."

Jane turned round from the glass panes through which she could see her son inside the incubator and her face split into a smile when she saw Louise. "He's the most beautiful and perfect boy I've ever seen."

"Yes, he is."

"I spend most of my time here since I was released from intensive care. I just can't stop looking at him... I can't get enough. And I'm so looking forward to holding and cuddling him whenever I want and not just at feeding times."

"Kid told me that you two will be able to leave the hospital in a few days," Lou said.

"Yeah, I know," Jane replied without much enthusiasm. "It's hard to believe. I've been in this place for so many weeks that it seems like a lifetime. I wonder what I might find out there... will aliens have conquered the earth?"

Louise giggled amused and replied, "I imagine so... I mean about you getting fed up with being here... not about aliens. But just think that soon you'll be at home with your beautiful baby and ... that you are fine."

Jane nodded and realizing that she hadn't had the chance to thank Louise for everything she had done, she added, "You can't imagine how grateful I am for what everybody has done for me and my baby... especially you."

"Jane, we were just doing our job and seeing you and your baby is enough reward for us," Lou replied, disregarding her words.

"Dr. Barnes said that I'd be dead now if you hadn't reacted so quickly."

Louise simply smiled and since she always felt uncomfortable when people paid her compliments and thanked her, she decided to change the subject. "And tell me, what is your son's name? You never told me."

"Francis."

"Francis..." Louise repeated, the name rolling softly off her tongue. "I like it. It's a good, strong name. Is he named after your dad maybe?"

The girl shook her head and added, "After his."

"Where is he, Jane?" Lou dared to ask bluntly. Like in the weeks before going into labor, the girl hadn't received any visits but from a few acquaintances and of course from Buck, who lately it seemed was always there with her. Yet, her baby's mysterious father hadn't made his appearance at all, and Lou could guess that his absence must be upsetting the girl greatly.

"I don't know," Jane replied with a somber expression. "He wasn't very happy when he learned that I got pregnant, but we kept seeing each other for a while. But suddenly one day he kind of disappeared. I haven't seen him in months and I can't even contact him now. His cell phone is always off, and he doesn't answer the one at home. He knows he's a father. I've left him dozens of messages on his answering machine and voice mail... but still nothing."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Maybe it's mine... for hanging out with guys like him," Jane muttered, shrugging her shoulders in resignation.

"Do you think something might have happened to him?"

"I don't think so. He just doesn't care." Jane paused for a second and then exclaimed, "How can somebody not bother to see their child? I just don't understand... I'm not important, but he's his son, his flesh and blood... and whether he likes it or not, he's a Pike through and through."

"Pike?" Lou asked with evident surprise. "Your son's dad is Frank Pike?"

"Yes, why? Do you know him?"

"I... Gosh, how stupid!" Lou exclaimed, mainly talking to herself. "I should have known that things couldn't be that good."

"Dr. McCloud?"

Lou realized that she had forgotten all about Jane, who was looking at her with an odd expression as she mumbled on. Her lips then twitched into a forced smile and said, "Everything's fine, Jane. I'm just gonna make sure that some people learn that there are certain things you cannot play with."

Before Jane had time to react, Lou had scurried away and in a flash she reached Kid's office. He was sitting at his computer, entering data from his patients and without any preamble, Lou blurted out from the threshold, "Kid, I'm heading out now. Something important has come up."

"Hey... hey. Wait, wait!" Kid called, spinning round with his swivel chair before Lou dashed away. "What's so important to leave in the middle of the day?"

"Well, if you want to know," Louise replied, fury shining in her big, brown eyes. "I'm gonna find that poor excuse of a man that fathered Jane's baby and tell him a couple of plain truths."

"You can't do that, Lou!" Kid exclaimed, rising to his feet and coming towards her. "You can't meddle in a patient's personal business."

"It's also my business."

"What do you mean, Lou?" the doctor asked with a frown.

"I happen to know Frank... her man very well too."

"What?"

"Look, Kid. Whatever you say, I'm going and that's final."

The doctor noticed her resolute stance and aware that he wouldn't be able to stop her, he said after a beat, "All right but I'll go with you." Lou was about to protest but Kid lifted his finger to her to stop her flow of protests. "I'm not taking no for an answer and that's final too." As it was close to lunch time, he thought they could go a bit earlier and leave some work for later.

"Fine then," Lou replied gruffly and swirling around she almost ran off without waiting for him and Kid had to dash to catch up with her.

Kid drove in silence, from time to time throwing sideways glances at Lou, who sat still and quiet on the passenger seat. Earlier when he had caught up with her at the parking lot, she had just told him where to drive. He could guess that the person they were after was the same man she had talked to on the phone a few days ago. Could it be that her husband had actually fathered Jane's baby? If that were so, Kid could guess that Lou was going through a major turmoil. He didn't know how to get her talking without sounding too pushy or nosy. After a while he felt he needed to say something and let her know that he was there if she needed him.

"Who's Frank, Lou?"

The young woman met his eyes for the first time since they had left the hospital in a hurry and after a few seconds she said, "He... he's a friend... or at least I thought he was." Kid remained in silence, waiting for her to continue her account. "I've known him since I was a young child. He was... is older than me and well... even back then he was always getting into trouble. He grew into a ruffian, a womanizer, a crook actually... He's been in and out of jail for the past ten years." She paused to catch her breath and continued, "Despite everything else, we always had a special friendship...I don't know why but he always looked for me. And I ... well, I always tried to excuse him or find explanations for his way of life. When he heard I was back, he called me immediately... had great news for me. Apparently he was a changed man, he had learned his lesson and after his last stay in prison a year or so ago, he had got himself an honest and well-paid job."

"And you believed him."

"Yes, I did. I'm that gullible sometimes," Lou let out with a bitter expression. "Maybe he's really changed but in another direction. He has a girlfriend now..." Kid looked at her with a surprised expression and Lou continued, "Yes, a girlfriend and they're even engaged... an Italian girl... much younger than him naturally. Her family owns a large, successful business... they're rolling in money. So he's been bugging me lately that I had to meet them and I did. I imagine that after his past criminal record, it must make a good impression saying that your best friend, as he introduced me to these folks, was a doctor and a..." Lou's voice trailed off and she immediately cleared her throat to cover the slip she had been about to make. "In any case, I now believe that he's simply planning to marry into money." She sighed deeply and said, "I'm very sorry for Jane and ... the poor girl he wants to marry."

"What are you going to do when you see him?"

"I really don't know."

They didn't speak another word as Kid drove into the suburbs of the city. Lou had been told that Frank had gone to a posh and selective social club where he regularly played racquetball with his new acquaintances.

Kid pulled over in the large parking lot of the club. At the entrance the security guard stopped them and initially didn't let them get inside. Lou explained with a strained voice that she was a friend of Mr. Pike and demanded to see him. The security guy finally agreed to check the information on the phone and finally consented to allow them to go in.

Lou and Kid walked into the huge club and went past tennis courts, football fields, a golf course, the outdoor swimming pool among other amenities. When they got to their target point, at once Louise spotted Frank playing with another guy. He had also seen her and smiled while motioning for her to go inside.

"You'd better wait for me here," Louise told her colleague and Kid nodded in understanding. She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she had to deal with now.

"Hello, Lou!" Frank chirped as he stopped the game and came up to her. His playing partner left the court and from the bench Pike picked up a towel, wiped his sweaty forehead and then had a swig at the water bottle. When he noticed Kid behind the glass panes, watching them, he asked, "Who's the guy in the suit?"

"No one of your concern."

"Why, Lou. I'm gonna get jealous!" he remarked teasingly, winking an eye at her.

"Please don't start with your nonsense!" Louise retorted sternly.

Frank sank down on the wooden bench, flexing and resting one of his legs on the seat, which made the material of his white shorts pull back, tightening in his most revealing parts. Without any ceremony Lou swatted his thigh off the seat. "For goodness' sake, sit like a normal person would... I haven't come here to see your show!"

Frank snickered at her reaction, his blue eyes glued on her figure. "Always the same old Lou. You'll never change."

"Neither will you," Lou replied pointedly.

He shrugged his shoulders in cold indifference and after a beat he asked, "What brings you here today?"

Louise didn't talk straightaway, carefully gathering her thoughts and what she wanted to say, and after a while she started, "You know? You have a beautiful and healthy baby boy."

"What are you talking about?" Frank asked as he stood up, his imposing figure towering over Lou's petite one.

"Jane... she's my patient at the clinic... and please don't pretend that you have no idea what I mean... Off with the masks, Frank! I'm tired of your lies."

The man looked down at her with a sneer. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth... only that."

He snorted and after giving another swig to the bottle, he spat it into the bucket next to the bench. "Your beautiful Jane is a bitch. He's been nagging me with the same over and over again. Who knows how many more have tried her mattress and her easy access charms?"

Lou made a grimace at his words. "You're disgusting!"

Frank burst out laughing loudly and said, "You're so easy to shock. Just hilarious. Tell me, Louise, when do you plan to grow up and stop living in fairyland?" His teasing smile faded and he said, "As for your little friend, even if I am that bastard's father, I'm just not interested in playing the role of a concerned dad. She should have been careful and taken precautions to keep from getting knocked up. Personally, I couldn't care less what might happen to her or that brat!"

Louise turned her furious eyes to him and pointing a finger in his direction, she cried, "You stay away from her and you stay away from me. If I no more than hear that you go bothering her, you'll regret it. I think your future in-laws won't appreciate learning certain information about you."

"Are you threatening me? You?"

Lou didn't reply and tried to leave, but Frank grabbed her by one arm forcefully. "You can't go, Lou. We're friends... we've always been friends... and nothing more because you have never wanted it."

"Leave me alone!" Louise spat and tried to get loose, but he steeled his hold on her. They both wrestled and being much stronger, Frank pushed her against one of the walls. "It's such a shame that they already got their clutches on you. Otherwise, I'd show you how a woman feels after being with a man like me... and then you'd be able to share bed stories with sweet Jane."

"Take your hands off her!" Kid's angry voice resounded behind them. He had been watching them with curiosity from outside. The posture and proud bearing of that guy told him that he was untrustworthy. He had seen Lou going from calm to furious. He hadn't wanted to intervene because, as she had told him, this was her business, but when the man had gripped her violently, he hadn't been able to keep out of it any longer and had stormed into the court. Frank looked at the doctor and unleashed his hold on Lou. Both men remained glaring at each other in a silent duel and Lou quickly scurried to Kid's side.

"Let's go," she said, taking him by the arm softly but as he kept still, glowering at Pike, she had to strengthen her grip and practically drag him out of there.

Back in the car, Louise slumped on the soft leather seats, breathing in and out and releasing the tension that had built up in her body. "You ok, Lou?"

"Fine... I'm fine."

"I'm sorry for... you know... but when I saw him mistreating you, I..."

"Please can we drive off?" Lou begged in a demanding tone, cutting him off. Her disappointment on her friend wasn't actually such since she had always known what Frank was like and apart from Marmee, many people had warned her against him. Yet, she had wanted to believe that people could change, that not everything was black and white, and that a stray sheep could really return to its flock. She was very naïve and despite the dark realities she witnessed in life, she still wanted to keep faith and believe that this world couldn't be so morbid and ugly as everybody else seemed to believe.

Kid started the engine and neither said a word for a while. "I gather Jane wouldn't get any help from him," Kid remarked when they were getting in the vicinity of the hospital.

"Under the present circumstances she's better off without him."

"Bastard," Kid muttered between clenched teeth and Lou sent him a surprised glance. She had never heard him curse or use coarse language up until now but she couldn't say that she didn't share his frustration or feelings over the matter.

"He wasn't always that bad," Louise voiced her reservations timidly despite everything.

Kid looked at her sideways and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I can imagine that you must have had a crush on him."

"Who? Me?"

"All bad boys usually have a strong pull on good, nice girls," Kid said half-seriously.

"Can you call it a crush when you are only eight years old?" Louise asked among giggles as Kid pulled over at the hospital. "I remember I used to think that he had the deepest, bluest, loveliest eyes in the whole world," Lou explained and it was then that her eyes met Kid's blue ones and she couldn't help but to think how different they were from Frank's... so intense, so warm, so rich. Like usual, Kid's deep stare seemed to look through her and she felt her cheeks blush and had to look away. "Of course," she continued, trying to conceal her awkwardness, "that was ages ago and since then I have learned to appreciate more important things than a couple of empty blue eyes."

They got out of the car and walked towards the entrance of the clinic, both trying to decide who should be the one to tell Jane about Frank and his response to his newly-discovered fatherhood. As they turned at the corner, they saw Sarah Downs talking to a middle-aged man. She kissed him on the cheek and turning around, she dashed towards the entrance of the hospital.

"Hey Sarah... Sarah... wait," the man called but the young woman was already inside the building and out of earshot.

Kid and Lou were close to the man and without thinking twice, the young woman addressed the man. "Afternoon, sir. We're doctors in this hospital and Sarah's colleagues... If you need something from her, we can find her and tell her anything you want."

"Thank you, Ma'am, but it's not important," the man replied. "By the way my name's Randall Downs."

Kid and Lou shook hands with him as they also introduced themselves. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Downs."

"Same here, son," Randall replied. "I have to admit that I hardly know anybody from Sarah's job... you see, the girl's kind of reserved."

Kid and Lou shared a knowing look, thinking that if things between Sarah and Jimmy progressed nicely, Mr. Downs was going to get to know a certain dark-haired doctor very well. The matter with the Roxanol bottle and the syringe still remained a mystery but according to Buck he hadn't found anything amiss in his stock. Everything was as it should be, which filled Lou and Kid with great relief. For Jimmy's sake they would have hated to find out that Sarah was in big trouble, which doubtlessly would affect their friend for the worse. Lou's findings in the restroom surely had a logical explanation, still to be found out, but the good thing was that there was nothing sordid or unclear about the matter.

"We haven't heard much about you either," Louise replied to the man's comment, "but we hardly have time to chat, working in a busy hospital like ours... but I imagine you have a pretty good idea how things work here through your daughter, don't you?"

Suddenly, the man started guffawing loudly while Kid and Lou exchanged surprised glances. When Mr. Downs sobered, he said, "I might look like an old hound... but Sarah's not my daughter... she's my wife."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

There was a lively murmur of voices at the reception, even more noticeable than usual and way more cheerful. Those waiting on the seats looked curiously at the group of uniformed men and woman that had gathered around the young lady in a wheelchair and her baby. Jane was leaving that day and after being a resident in the hospital for so long and hers having been a special case, her release had become an event in itself in the small world contained between the four walls of the clinic. Her doctors and some other staff had come down to bid the new mommy good-bye.

"Please drop in when you take Francis for his check-ups, will you?" Emily said.

"Of course I will. You've been like a second family to me ... really."

"I'll make sure that she comes by," Buck added, sharing a smile with Jane. Lou watched them with a contented expression. She wasn't sure what was going on between the girl and the pharmacist. All she knew was that they had become close friends and after Buck had offered her to stay in his apartment for a while, Jane had accepted. Even though Lou and Buck had had a strong disagreement when she had first suspected that he had taken to Jane, Louise had to admit that having Buck's friendship would do Jane a awful lot of good... maybe that friendship would eventually lead to something deeper or had already done, reflected Lou, at least for her colleague.

Telling Jane about Frank and his response hadn't been a piece of cake. Even though the girl had already suspected that he had simply turned away from her like a cowardly dog, hearing the actual truth had been hurtful and heart breaking. What Jane needed now was to compose the pieces of her broken existence and get on with her life. Lou hoped that Buck could help her through it, and she also hoped that the girl didn't run to him just because he was handy and convenient.

"Well, it's time to say good-bye," Jane announced as the baby started wailing, demanding attention from his mommy. Buck took Francis from her, helped her to her feet and one by one the girl then began hugging everybody that had gathered there. "Thanks, docs," she said as she turned to Kid and Lou. "I'm really gonna miss you."

"You're kidding, aren't you?" Louise replied. "The little one isn't gonna leave you any time to miss anybody or anything... probably just sleep."

"Lou's right," Kid simply said and gave the girl soft kiss on her cheek.

After a few more good-byes and thank-yous, Jane finally left the clinic in the company of Buck, who had especially asked to have the day off. The group of practitioners stood there for a while and little by little everybody started to disperse and go back to their respective duties.

"I think I'll go for a coffee in the cafeteria. Do you guys care to join me?" Jimmy asked his friends.

Kid and Lou exchanged a look when they noticed Sarah at the far end, motioning Hickok to go to her with a wave of her hand. "Uh... thanks, Jimmy, but we gotta go back. There's work we need to see to."

"All right then," the brown-haired doctor said and then ambled towards where his girl was waiting for him. He passed an arm around her shoulders, gave her a peck on the lips and they both disappeared down the corridor.

Kid and Lou watched them for a while and then walked in the opposite direction. Neither of them said a word on their way back to his office, but as soon as Kid closed the door behind them Lou blurted out, "You haven't told Jimmy yet, and it's been almost a week."

"I know, I know, but it's not easy," Kid defended himself with a wry expression as he slumped down at his desk.

"We made a deal. I would tell Jane about Frank and you'd tell Jimmy about Mrs. Downs," Lou insisted. "I did my part, and it wasn't a breeze either."

"I'm just trying to find the right moment."

"Kid, there aren't right moments to tell somebody something you know will hurt them," Lou stubbornly continued. "If you wait too long, he might find out through other means. How do you think he'll feel when he learns that his best friend knew all along and didn't breathe a word to him?"

"I know you're right," Kid conceded. "But it's difficult to know what to do in these cases. It's slippery terrain and sometimes the one meddling ends up scalded."

"That's a risk you have to take. I think he needs to know. Wouldn't you like to be told if you were in the same situation?"

Kid nodded somberly. Lou was definitely right. If somebody had told him five years ago that his fiancée was cheating on him, he might not have got the shock of his life when she left him for his old friend. Maybe in his stupidity he might not have believed those tales, but at the very least the doubt would have been sown in him and he'd have been on the lookout. Yet, that was all in the past and there was nothing he could do about it. As all these thoughts and considerations ran through his mind, Kid had to admit that much to his surprise he realized that he didn't think of her and that episode in his life so much lately. As the proverb said, time heals all wounds and maybe that was what was happening to him. His wounds were healing and Doritha was becoming a vague memory.

Kid looked up to see Lou staring at him with a wondering expression. He blushed at being caught daydreaming and smiled at her sheepishly as if he were a schoolboy. Sometimes she kind of made him nervous, and he felt like a clumsy idiot under her stare. She was a beautiful and overwhelming woman, and when she looked at him with those big eyes of hers like right now, he couldn't help the stir that he felt in his insides. It was silly, really silly. He didn't want anything from her, but still ...

"I'll talk to him today, all right?" Kid finally managed to utter after a lengthy silence.

Lou smiled and nodded in appreciation. "I hope you do. Otherwise, I'll tell him myself."

"Yes, Ma'am," Kid replied while chuckling, amused. She could sometimes be so bossy in a very charming way and he liked joking about it, saying that they should reverse roles because his fitted her personality so much better.

"And now, Dr. Kydd, let's get down to some work," she announced with a mocking stiff posture as she lifted her chin proudly while sticking her tongue out at him.

* * *

It was later that morning that Kid went to find Jimmy. As he approached his friend's office, he tried to rehearse in his head what he should tell him, but he really couldn't come up with anything appropriate. Kid was a hundred percent sure that no matter how he said what he had to say, the result would be the same ... disastrous. The blow would hit Jimmy painfully anyways and there was no way he could soften things for his friend. For one moment Kid thought that he should have let Lou tackle the matter. Somehow she seemed more determined and self-confident in these issues than he was. But no... Lou was right. Jimmy was his friend and deserved to hear from his lips that the woman he was in love with had a husband up her sleeve.

As soon as the door to Jimmy's office appeared in his line of vision, his steps slowed down but he eventually came to stand before it much to his chagrin. The door was slightly ajar and Kid simply pushed it open with his index finger. Jimmy looked up from the screen of his laptop and greeted his friend. "What are you doing out of your pen, man?"

"Just wanted to stretch my legs," Kid replied as he sat down on the chair before the desk.

"And where did you leave your shadow? Did she let you go or you've simply lost her?"

"Very funny, Jimmy." Hickok chuckled while he turned his attention back to the screen of his computer. Kid watched him curiously for a few seconds and then he asked, "What are you doing, Jimmy?"

"Just searching for hotels. I'm taking Sarah away for the weekend... to the coast. I want to give her a little surprise and I know of a few sites that have good offers."

Kid stiffened at his words and knew it was his clue to speak up. "Jimmy, there's something I need to tell you."

"Oh ... oh," the other doctor said, shutting his laptop with a smooth movement of his hand to focus all his attention on his friend. "When you get this mysterious, it usually means bad news. All right, shoot... I'm all ears."

"It's about Sarah."

"What about her?" Jimmy countered, adopting a stilted posture.

"What do you know about her... about her family?" Kid asked tactfully, knowing that he was stepping onto shifting land.

"What's all this about, Kid?" Jimmy exclaimed irritated. Familiar with the stubborn nature of his friend, he was sure Kid wouldn't give up until he got an answer from him for whatever the reasons he might have. "Her parents died years ago and there are no brothers or sisters. As for the rest of her family tree, I'll have to do a little research and draw a draft first if you don't mind," Jimmy replied sarcastically.

"So she lives alone then?" Kid asked again, ignoring his friend's obvious sarcasm.

"Never been to her apartment, but I imagine so. She has never mentioned any roommates."

"Don't you think it's a bit strange that after dating her for a while now you've never been to her place?"

"What the heck are you getting at?" Jimmy asked, his cold stare darting to his colleague and friend.

Kid paused in hesitation but the expression on his friend's features urged him to speak up, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think you should know something."

"Stop beating around the bush and out with it."

"All right... all right. Jimmy, Sarah... Sarah is a married woman." At his friend's surprised and aghast expression Kid could rightly guess that this was the first clue he had about the girl's situation. "Lou and I happened to stumble across her husband a few days ago."

Jimmy kept a cold and stiff demeanor while he tried to digest the information and without looking Kid in the eyes, he said, "If you have nothing else to say, you're free to leave."

"But Jimmy..."

"What, Kid?" Hickok asked in an unkind tone, resting his folded arms on his desk and glaring at the man opposite him. "What if I'm with a married woman? Well, I'm not the only one. I'm sure if Lou gave you a single hint, you'd also forget her vows to her husband."

"That's not true!" Kid exclaimed irritated. "I don't know why everybody keeps saying the same."

"Because we have eyes, Kid. That's not the look of a brother watching his sister when you stare at Lou. But the difference is that I just got the guts to do something about it. And now leave me alone."

Without another word Kid rose to his feet and walked out of the room. He wasn't surprised by the way Jimmy had reacted and he knew that his words weren't just his way to hide his pain. In his case Kid was sure that he would also have responded in a similar way. It was logical that the errand boy would get a cuff. He wished he hadn't had to tell him, but Jimmy had a right to know and as a friend Kid was ready to be the recipient of his anger. Even though he had appeared somehow indifferent and cold, it was clear to Kid that all that was a facade. He knew that Jimmy was more vulnerable than he wanted to let on and he'd need his friends by his side; and Kid swore himself that he would be there when his colleague would need him.

* * *

"You ready to go, Jimmy?"

The doctor looked up from his papers and turned a pair of cold eyes to Sarah, who was craning her head through the door. "No, I'm not and I won't be."

Sarah frowned in confusion and stepped inside, standing before the desk where he was sitting. "Something wrong?"

"You tell me..." he paused intentionally and then he added, "Mrs. Downs."

Sarah sighed audibly while running her slender fingers through her unruly brown hair. "Who told you?"

"Not you, which would have been the most logical thing," Jimmy replied, without turning a hair.

"I tried... I really tried to tell you."

"Not hard enough," the doctor countered.

"It was because I didn't want to believe it."

"What did you believe was gonna happen, Sarah? The truth was just gonna disappear?"

"Maybe I did."

"Well, too bad for you. I'm not that much of a believer," Jimmy replied as he rose to his feet and rounded his desk. "And now if you'll excuse me..."

Sarah grabbed him by the arm, stopping him forcefully and looking into his eyes directly. "Not till you hear why I did what I did."

"There's nothing you can say that can change my mind," Jimmy spat with a calm demeanor.

"Randall is a rich man. My dad used to live in one of the several buildings he owned. He threatened with kicking him out. I knew he had always taken a fancy to me. Dirty old pervert!" Sarah explained bitterly. "Dad was sick... and had nothing to his name. Where was he supposed to go? I easily managed to seduce Randall. I was young and stupid and I liked being spoiled, being treated like a queen. So I said yes when he asked me to marry him and ensured my father was well taken care of till his death."

"How moving! It breaks my heart," Jimmy retorted sarcastically.

"I didn't know what would be waiting for me later," Sarah added, ignoring his sarcasm. "Being joined to someone you loathe is the worst nightmare I could possibly have lived." The tears shone in her eyes as she continued her account. "You can't imagine what it is like to be touched by someone you despise, breathe his fetid air, smell his stink, drink his dribble, share his dirt," she let out, wiping her mouth disgustedly with her hand as if she could actually feel and taste him.

"You made your bed, Sarah... you have to lie in it. You took your pick."

"Jimmy, I was young and stupid. I didn't want anybody in this world till I met you," she continued as she grabbed him by the collar of his white shirt, the tone of her voice raspy and uneven. "I know I should have told you. Please don't leave me. We love each other."

"Sarah..."

"And it will soon be over," she continued, her face washed with evident relief and almost glee, and when he frowned in confusion, she added, "He's dying...he has pancreatic cancer and in a few months my torment will be over. A new life will start for us." She looked into his eyes intensely while she clenched his shirt front with both her hands... desperately, longingly. "Please Jimmy."

The doctor stared back at her, feeling confused and lost as if he was at a crossroads. He knew he loved her beyond measure... in a senseless, crazy way and he'd do anything for her. Sarah had gotten under his very skin and lately all kinds of silly, romantic ideas crammed his mind. He hadn't felt this way since he was a teenager. Sarah was different... she seemed to have cast a spell on him which turned him into a puppet, a servant, a fool.

When Kid had told him about her situation, he had felt as if the whole world was crumbling down at his feet. Whether he liked it or not, he cared for Sarah and what he wanted most was a future and a common life with her. His love and longing for her were such that he'd cling to any little hope she gave him. Everything else didn't matter. All he wanted was to get rid of the man whose life was linked to hers by law... he wanted him out of this world, buried and forgotten. Never before had he wished anybody's death. He was a doctor, a good professional who sought out people's welfare and not their harm. This time, though, was different. He loved that woman and would do anything ... anything at all to shed whatever was in his way to happiness and the love of his life.

"Jimmy?" called Sarah, snapping him out of his torpor. "Please talk to me."

Hickok turned his eyes to hers and his hand softly removed a stray tendril that had fallen over her forehead. Jimmy smiled and she smiled back with evident relief. His arms moved almost automatically and came around her body eagerly while his lips crashed against hers, tasting and savoring her skin, her whole self. This was his Sarah... his alone and the rest of the world might well go to hell.

* * *

Kid looked up from the paper he was signing at the security post at the entrance to see Lou come towards him. She was gaily ambling while carrying a gift bag from which he got a glimpse of a teddy bear, its fuzzy ears showing from its opening. He smiled at her when she reached him and said, "Why, thanks for the present, Lou, but I'm afraid it's not my birthday today and I think I'm a bit old for these toys."

Lou swatted his hand off as she tried to reach for the bag. "Ha, ha, very funny," she said, feigning annoyance. "Yes, I know you're not a kid."

"Don't tell me you actually have a social life," Kid continued in the same tone. "Since you never want to do anything with us after work, I thought you were some kind of a hermit."

Lou opted for ignoring the mild put-down behind his words and said, "If you want to know, I'm going to my sister's place. If you call that a social life, then I have one."

"Your sister?"

"Naturally the toy isn't for her, but for her little daughter," Louise explained. "Annie's just fifteen months old and, according to her mom, an adorable angel. I have to say that I've only seen her once... a couple of months after she was born and then through photographs. I still haven't gone to see her since I returned and my sister's gonna kill me literally."

Kid chuckled at the comment and asked, "Is she your only sister?"

"Uh... yes... I also have a younger brother... he's a Marine and lives too far away, unfortunately."

"My, my... and here I thought you were a spoiled only child," Kid quipped. Lou stuck her tongue at him mockingly and seeing that she was eager to open up, he felt curious and continued, "Are your parents...?" The question, though, was cut short when he saw Jimmy appear from down the corridor. What threw him was to see his friend walking next to Sarah, his arm wrapped around her shoulders possessively as if nothing were wrong with it.

Lou followed the direction of Kid's stare and when her eyes fell on the couple, her forehead creased into a frown and she said, "I thought you had told him."

"I did," Kid muttered without averting his gaze from the pair and before his friend scurried away, he decided to face the music. "Excuse me, Lou." He marched towards Jimmy decisively like a bull towards a red rag, and called him.

"What do you want, Kid?"

"Can we talk?" he asked and both men turned from the woman, who remained awkwardly before the exit door. Jimmy stared at his friend with a defiant expression, which Kid turned a blind eye to. "What the heck are you doing... with her?"

"I told you... the way I deal with my matters is my business," the dark-haired doctor replied cockily. "You do your way... always the nice guy and let all women play with you like a yo-yo. You know what, Kid? I can see now why the ladies end up leaving you."

At his malicious comment Kid's hands balled up into fists and his jaw clenched in tension, but he was unable to move or say anything. Jimmy sniggered unkindly and joining Sarah once again, they both walked out of the building without sparing a single look. Kid kept furiously gazing at the point through which the couple had disappeared and he didn't look away until he felt a small hand softly stroking his back. On shifting his attention to one side, his eyes met Lou's. "I'm sure he didn't mean it, and you did the right thing."

Kid shook his head and looking down at his toes, he muttered, "I wonder whether doing the right thing is really worth it."

"Of course it is!" Louise exclaimed. "Why would you think otherwise?"

"I don't know, Lou," Kid replied, his eyes focused on the floor. "Maybe Jimmy's right and I'm just wasting my time, worrying about playing fair when the world slips from my grasp."

"Listen to me!" she insisted stubbornly and taking hold of his face with her hand, she forced him to meet her eyes. "He's not and he will eventually see how deep the trouble is that he's getting into!" Kid timidly smiled sadly while sending her a dubious and forlorn look. Louise let go of his face and seeing his sad eyes, something stirred inside her and before she had time to think it twice, she said, "You know what? For once I have an hour to spare and I still haven't tried that new place and those energy drinks that you told me about. How would you like to try one while we have a little chat?" For some strange reason she didn't like the expression on his face and didn't think it right to let him go home when he looked so down.

"What about your sister?" Kid replied, tilting his head to indicate the bag with the teddy bear.

"Oh..." Lou let out, realizing that she had forgotten about Theresa completely. Yet, she simply shrugged her shoulders in indifference as she explained, "That can wait and it won't matter in the least bit if I'm a little late."

Kid stared at her in silence. Spending time with her outside the hospital was a very strong temptation indeed and there was nothing he wished more. He was aware that Lou was gradually becoming more than a friend, and he actually desired for her to be more than she could give him. However much he wanted to deny it to himself and others, he knew that if she were a free woman, he'd go for her doubtlessly despite the silly rule he had imposed upon himself regarding the women working with him. With each passing day he discovered something new about her that made him sadly realize that he wanted her. Jimmy was right after all and if Lou were to egg him on, he would turn deaf and blind to everything else and would do exactly what Jimmy was doing with Sarah. Of course that would never happen; Lou was an upstanding woman and would never give him the opportunity that he reluctantly had to admit he longed for. Naturally that wasn't the road to follow. He needed to keep away from her and even though for obvious reasons he just couldn't stop seeing her, at least he should refrain from hanging around her outside of work. So much to his chagrin, he opened his mouth to say, "Sorry, Lou, but I'm not in the mood." She nodded and he managed to give a small smile as he added, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"It's all right, Kid," Lou muttered, somehow hurt by his refusal, and kept eyeing him carefully. She wanted to insist, knowing that if she put her mind to it, she'd manage to convince him. She didn't like the way his mood had changed since Jimmy had hurled those comments at him. Yet, she refrained from saying anything else and simply sent him a sympathetic smile.

With slow steps he headed for the exit, feeling a strange pain in his chest as if he was losing something he never had. He felt rotten and all he wanted right now was to lock himself up in his apartment and go straight to bed. The day had burdened his weakened soul and he needed to unload his crowded self. The horizon looked very bleak to his eyes and the feeling reminded him of the time Doritha had left him. Maybe he should go back to see Dr. Peterson. After his fatal break-up, he had started going to therapy. The last time he had seen his psychologist was over a year ago or so, and maybe he should pay him a visit. That wouldn't harm him, rather the opposite, and right now he really needed help... urgently.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

In the weeks that followed the situation between Kid and Jimmy became even more strained and tense, to say the least. They had stopped talking and only addressed each other when it was absolutely necessary for professional reasons. Louise thought that it was a real shame that two good friends could end up treating each other like strangers. Jimmy was adamant about continuing his extra-marital relationship with Sarah and had apparently chosen her over his friendship with his colleague. On his part, Kid was too hurt by Jimmy's attitude and words and even though he knew that his friend had spoken out of spite and anger, he just couldn't get past it.

Louise had tried to mediate between the two doctors, but her efforts had proved to be in vain. In a way, she felt responsible for their falling out. If she hadn't insisted Kid tell Jimmy about Sarah's husband, things might be different now. Lou still thought that Kid had done the right thing and Jimmy had to know the truth about Sarah, but maybe if she had let her supervisor handle the matter at his own pace, he might have found a way to do it better. Yet, there was no use crying over spilled milk, and she hoped that with time her two colleagues would eventually patch things up. This should teach her to be more cautious and reflect carefully before meddling in the matters of others. She always told herself that she should avoid getting involved in what didn't concern her. However good her intentions were, sometimes the matter backfired and that was precisely what had happened this time.

Louise rushed into the clinic. Today her morning obligations had delayed her and she was more than a few minutes late. When Emily saw her cross the entrance, she motioned her to come to her. "Em, I can't stop today. I'm already running late and ..."

"Kid's not in yet," the receptionist informed her, cutting her off, and Louise then came closer to her desk, wondering what her friend wanted. Emily rounded the counter and came to stand by her side. "I've been talking to the girls... you know, Emma and Rachel, and we all seem to be in the mood for a bit of recreation... you know, a girls' night out... treat ourselves to a good restaurant, a bit of dancing and of course an opportunity to tear men to pieces. What do you say about meeting at eightish on Friday night?"

"I'm sure it would be fun, but I'm afraid I can't."

Emily made an unhappy face even though Lou's answer didn't surprise her. "Well, set the day and the time yourself. Maybe Saturday would be a better day since you aren't working, wouldn't it?"

Louise shifted the weight from one leg to the other uncomfortably. "You don't understand. I can't any day. I just can't stay that late."

Emily looked at her with an odd expression, her forehead creased into a frown, and after a beat she asked, "Why not? You have a curfew at home or what?"

"No, of course not, but..."

"Oh come on, don't be such a bore. All work and no play can't just be healthy and you're a doctor. Why don't you ever come out with everybody and have a little fun?" the receptionist insisted, thinking that Lou was passing on the fun on account of her husband. Louise wasn't the only woman that was kept on a short leash; Emily knew some ladies that practically had to ask their husbands for permission to do anything. Some men seemed to still be living in prehistoric times and it was infuriating to see how some women allowed them to keep living in the last century. Lou appeared to be a strong-minded, independent woman, but maybe she was different in her own household.

Lou hadn't counted on Emily asking her the reasons behind her refusal. It was difficult to explain herself. Of course nobody forbid her from going out and she could do as she pleased. Yet, she didn't think it was worth it to waste her time in useless merriment. Emily, Rachel and Emma were good friends and she enjoyed their company greatly when they came together at lunch break. However, Lou valued her time and carefully chose what she did with it. As the old saying preached, time is gold and her personal philosophy urged her to make the most of every ounce. Even in spare moments there was still so much scope for personal development.

"Emily, I'm sorry," Louise finally said, "the thing is that I don't really like going out."

"Yeah, sure," the receptionist let out sarcastically, not believing a word of what she was hearing. Lou might deny it, but Emily knew better than that. People were already gossiping about her friend... they said that Louise was aloof and unsociable, never joining the other members of the staff outside the hospital. Emily suspected that there was something more than met the eye, and Lou's reluctance to socialize surely stemmed from home and more specifically, her husband.

Emily was curious to know the man who apparently had so much control over her friend. Lou never talked about him and even though Emily admitted that she was nosy, ready to get juicy information and gossip out of anybody, this time she hadn't managed to learn a thing about Louise's personal life. She didn't even know her man's name. For some reason whenever the receptionist started directing questions in that direction, something always happened… somebody interrupted them, Lou was called for an emergency or simply her own cell phone rang. Emily had hoped that if they went out together, she'd finally be able to get that information out of her, but because of that man that she wanted so much to know about, Lou wasn't coming with them. The receptionist told herself that she would be unable to stand such an overbearing guy. In any case, it was true that when in love one tended to do all kinds of crazy things and Louise must be totally smitten with her man to let him boss her around like a puppet.

"Em, please, don't get angry with me," Louise said, pouting her lips mockingly. "One day I'll tell you what I do after work."

"Man, how mysterious! You sound as if you spend your free time forging money"

Louise simply smiled and added, "But that will be on another day. And now I'd better get to work. See you later, Emily."

Lou was about to follow the usual itinerary of every morning but the receptionist suddenly remembered something and stopped her. "Wait, Lou!" Emily called as she took a phone call and listened to the person on the other end of the line. "It's Teaspoon. He says he wants to see you asap."

"I'm on my way," Lou said as she waved Emily good-bye, who was still talking to the old doctor on the phone. Lou hurried into the corridor towards the elevator and in a few minutes she was in front of Teaspoon's door and craning her head inside, she asked, "Did you want to see me, sir?"

"Come on in, Louise," the old doctor exclaimed as he jumped to his feet and came over to perch on the corner of his desk.

"Something the matter, Teaspoon?" Lou asked, standing before him with her arms folded across her chest.

"Yeah," the man replied and on seeing worry flick over the young woman's features, he hurriedly added, "Nothing to fret about, sweetheart. Our friend Kid has called. The poor fella has the flu and won't be in today... and probably for a few days either."

"Oh dear," Louise let out, a teasing smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"So today you'll be working with Dr. Edgars," Teaspoon announced, which automatically made her smile freeze. "Something wrong?" he asked on noticing the sudden change in the young doctor.

"No, of course not," Louise countered, a smile straining to cling to her lips.

"You ladies will get on well," Teaspoon concluded.

Louise left the office with a sullen expression. Working with Samantha was going to be real "fun". For some strange reason the woman seemed to have taken a dislike to her. Of course she didn't display those adverse feelings openly but Lou clearly noticed the soft snide remarks and brush-offs she had dropped on her. Louise had tried to ignore all that and close the gap between them, but it had been completely in vain. Emily had told her once that Samantha was simply jealous of the friendship she had with Kid. That was probably true and Lou suspected that her colleague might also be miffed by the fact that her lies about her relationship with Kid had been exposed. All in all, today was surely going to be a long one if she had to stand the woman for more than two minutes.

Louise rapidly got changed and before joining her co-worker, she decided to make a phone call. In the common room, she picked up the receiver and dialed the number. After listening to the tone for a few seconds, a raspy and rough 'hello' answered on the other side of the line.

"You really sound horrible."

"Good morning to you too, Lou," Kid replied, coughing simultaneously.

"How are you, buddy?"

"My body is all achy, my head seems to be about to burst open, I'm all shivery and last time I checked my body temperature was challenging my neighbor's oven. Shall I go on?"

Lou let out a peal of laughter at his words. "Poor you. Having the flu in August is worse than bad ... apart from unusual."

"Yeah, that's me. Unusual and weird."

"Kid," Lou continued, this time adopting a serious tone, "do you need anything? I can drop by your place after work if you want." There was a long pause after her sincere offer... the silence making her wonder whether the line had gone dead. "Kid?"

"I'm here," he said with certain hesitation. "It's all right, Lou. Don't bother yourself. I'm fine...considering and besides, I can't have you getting infected with all my viruses, can I?"

"I'm gonna miss you today," Lou admitted in a soft voice.

Kid smiled to himself, foolishly pleased with her words. "Uh... Lou, on second thoughts," he started, finally giving in to temptation, "I think I'd love to have some company and good conversation."

"Good then," Louise replied, working out mentally how she was going to get to everything she needed to see to that afternoon plus paying Kid a quick visit. After scribbling down his address on a post-it, she bid him good-bye and a get-better, and hung up. A sigh escaped her lips and without further delay, she left the room to go to Samantha.

Louise knocked on the door to the woman's office and when she heard Samantha's voice granting her permission, she let herself in. No sooner had Louise crossed the threshold than the other woman said without even lifting her eyes, "You're late."

"Sorry but I had to talk to Teaspoon and check something with Kid on the phone," Lou excused herself with a serious expression, not liking the authoritative tone Samantha was using with her. When the woman directed her gaze at her, Lou knew that she had made a mistake mentioning Kid.

"Louise... Louise," Samantha tutted, rising to her feet and tapping Lou on the shoulder in a patronizing way. "Discipline... Louise... that's the key to being a good doctor. You know you won't always have Kid to cover you for your blunders."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Louise asked, the lines of her forehead revealing her growing irritation.

"We all know that Kid's a kind soul and with the patience of a saint. There's always talk going around and the truth about your... shortcomings end up coming up."

Her words managed to rile Lou up and she couldn't control her tongue or her well-known temper any longer. "That's a lie... another of your lies! A lie like that hoax about you and Kid that you made me swallow! You might believe the world of fantasy you live in is real, but nobody else buys your lies and games."

Samantha turned her steel-cold eyes to Lou and without losing her composure, she sneered, "The thing is, Louise, I have no use for you... now or ever. Dr. Miles won't mind a little diversion for today because that's what you're here for, isn't it?"

Louise didn't bother to reply and stalked out of the room, seething with anger. As she walked along, her bubbling fury dampened little by little. She was annoyed with herself for flying off the handle so foolishly. Her strong personality and her pride were her two main weaknesses and Lou thought that she'd never be able to control them. Samantha clearly had a problem, deeper than simply a case of utter dislike to her, and instead of talking to her like a sensible person, Lou felt she had reacted hysterically. She should be ashamed of herself for letting herself be dragged into a near cat fight.

Louise was reluctant to admit it, but she liked Samantha as much as the woman liked her. Yet, she knew that despite her own feelings she needed to learn to work with her and control these bouts of unleashed anger. One good thing was that she had been spared from working with her today. Dr. Miles was a little, friendly man who was close to his retirement in the hospital. Everybody talked highly of him and Lou thought that it would be a good opportunity to learn from somebody as experienced as him.

"Morning, Dr. McCloud," the old physician said when he saw her appear through the door. Despite being the oldest doctor among the staff, he always called everybody by their titles. "Seems I'm on a lucky streak lately. Yesterday my lovely Stacey gave me my third grandchild and today I get to work with you, charming lady."

"Congratulations then," Louise exclaimed with a smile.

Dr. Miles narrowed his eyes while he said, "You have a high opinion of yourself, don't you?" Lou couldn't help but blush, and the older doctor let out a loud guffaw. "Don't mind me, Dr. McCloud. I'm just an old teaser and joking is like second nature to me."

Louise chuckled, feeling like a fool for not catching the teasing mood in the physician. Dr. Miles kind of reminded Lou of Teaspoon. He was older and maybe not so "special" as her boss seemed to be, but both men were easy going and had the knack to make you laugh with the simplest and weirdest things.

Lou followed the old doctor and when they left the obstetrical floor and took the stairs down, she sent him a quizzical look. "At my age I need to exercise my decaying body and I've sworn to myself that I won't take the elevator unless it's strictly necessary."

"Where are we going?" Louise asked as her colleague had obviously misunderstood her silent question.

"To the clinic downstairs. Today's Tuesday and every Tuesday I do my hours there," Dr. Miles explained and when he noticed that Lou had stopped in the middle of the stairs, he asked, "Something wrong, Dr. McCloud?"

"Nobody told me anything about that," she muttered as her hand squeezed the handrail tightly and her face got an almost deadly pallor.

Dr. Miles smiled sympathetically and coming to her, he passed his arm around her back. "Louise, there's nothing to be afraid of. It's a simple procedure... like removing an appendix. There are a few ladies scheduled today and when we finish with them, we'll come back up."

As if by inertia, Louise let herself be steered forward and her eyes widened in horror as they crossed the swing doors over which there was a big sign that read "Women's Health Clinic". Lou's mind was reeling as she was pulled forward. They entered a room, identical to the ones used for deliveries. There was an examination table in the middle, the stirrups shining under the lights, and a counter lined the wall where the medical instruments and the bottles of medicine were placed.

Louise stood still in the middle of the room, looking around as if it was her first time in the premises of the hospital. Dr. Miles was washing his hands in the sink in the far-end corner and Lou felt that she was going to faint at any moment. The older man's voice reached her, but his words didn't get to her foggy mind. The smells of medicine that were so familiar to her were now making her dizzy and nauseous. Worse still, she had the horrible sensation that her whole body was covered in oozing blood and its acrid smell filled her nostrils more powerfully than the real odors that surrounded the place. Without being aware of it, her breathing quickened and she had to intertwine her hands together to prevent them from shaking. It had been so long that she had felt so shaken... actually it had been only once... and the images of that time added up to the terrible turmoil she was going through right now.

A feminine voice resounded in the room and Lou turned to see one of the nurses walk in followed by a young woman. The girl couldn't be older than eighteen. Dr. Miles told her that she could get changed behind a screen and then he turned his attention back to Louise.

"I can't do this," Lou wheezed shakily as she eventually found her own voice and before anybody could react, she dashed out of the room as if the very devil were after her. She didn't stop running until she reached the limits of the maternity clinic. Her steps slowed down and Lou tried to get her breath back and after a quick thought, she briefly dropped by the common room and then with a decisive stance she headed for Samantha's office.

Without any ceremony she burst through the door and came to stand before the desk at which the other woman was sitting. Samantha looked up apathetically and asked, "What are you doing here? And for future reference, nobody sets foot in my place without knocking first, understood? I don't know or care what kind of swamp you come from, so let it be the first and last time you pull that stunt on me." Louise had to bite her tongue not to lash out and simply placed the paper she had collected from her knapsack in front of the woman. "What's this?" Samantha asked.

"My program. There's not a single mention whatsoever of those activities you sent me to do with Dr. Miles," Louise stated, her jaw set as a reflection of the annoyance she was feeling.

"No need for that. It suffices that as your temporary supervisor I deem it appropriate."

Louise folded her arms over her chest and adopted a proud stance. "I'm not going to do it. I won't do something that I feel is morally wrong."

"Don't be ridiculous. This is part of the job. Abortion is legal in this country and I don't care what…"

"I'm not doing it," Louise repeated stubbornly.

"Suit yourself. But then you'll have to bear the consequences. I'm afraid I'll have to issue a negative report about you... and I'm not so soft-hearted as Kid," Samantha replied with a satisfied smirk.

"What problem do you have with me? I just don't understand."

"I have nothing to tell you and I have no problems," Samantha retorted and was about to throw a caustic remark, but stopped as the door creaked open and Jimmy appeared.

"What's happening here?" he asked, eying the two women with a stern expression.

"Nothing, Jimmy," Samantha promptly replied with her usual bright smile. "Louise here and I were having slightly different opinions about something quite trivial, weren't we, Louise?"

Lou simply cast a serious look in her direction and turning on her heel she stalked out of the room, livid with anger.

"Lou! Lou! Wait!" Jimmy called, getting out of the room and dashing after her.

Louise stopped and waited for her colleague to catch up with an impatient expression. "What do you want, Jimmy?" she asked curtly.

"Whoa, Lou! Hold your horses, woman. Don't kill the go-between," he said, lifting his hands in surrender mockingly.

"I'm sorry... I'm just having a bad day."

"I imagine so," Jimmy remarked. "I happened to overhear your slightly different opinions with Samantha." Louise made an annoyed gesture and the young man added, "Lou, you know, Samantha usually doesn't get along with other women, especially with those who are close in any sense to... you know who. I guess it's a case of shaky confidence."

"Just great."

"And don't worry. I'll talk to Teaspoon and we can work together while your dear colleague is sick."

Lou lifted an eyebrow in concern while she asked, "Did he do something so horrendous that you can't even say his name?"

"Don't push your luck, Lou," he countered softly but clearly conveying that the matter wasn't open for discussion.

"All right, I won't say a word. But let me tell you only this. Sarah might or might not be the woman of your life, but Kid is really your friend."

"Lou, you know I..." he started, but couldn't finish the thought as the ring of his cell phone interrupted them. He fished it out of the pocket of his white coat and seeing the caller's identity on the screen, he said, "Excuse me, Lou." He turned from her and when he was out of earshot he answered, "Sarah?"

"Jimmy, it's over," the woman at the other side of the line said with an exultant voice.

"What?"

"Randall... he's dead... finally."

His heart skipped a beat and right then and there he felt a strong desire to see and hold her between his arms. "Where are you, Sarah?"

"It's our time, love," the woman exclaimed joyously, ignoring his question completely. "Us alone... nobody else."

"Sarah, please tell me where you are," Jimmy almost begged. "I need to see you." There was a strange sound and then the line went dead. "Sarah? Sarah?" Nobody answered and when Jimmy pressed the re-dial button several times, an automatic message came back, telling him that the phone was off or out of range and he finally gave in.

Louise noticed the weird expression on his countenance as he slowly walked to her. "Something wrong, Jimmy? Bad news?"

Her voice brought him back from his own microcosm, and he promptly adopted a nonchalant pose. "No, everything's fine. Come on, Lou. Let's go and do some work."

As they came closer to the ward, they spotted a couple of uniformed police officers at the end of the corridor. "Seems there's trouble," Lou remarked, tilting her head to the two men ahead of them.

"No, that's Sam," Jimmy contradicted her. "Emma's hubby. Sometimes he drops by to see her." The two men had noticed the couple of doctors walking towards them and turned to watch them with anticipation. "Hey, Sam," Jimmy exclaimed, extending his arm to the man for a good hand-shake. "What brings you here today?"

"Nothing good," Sam replied in a morose tone, not letting go of his hand. "I'm so sorry to do this." Jimmy sent him a quizzical look and in a swift movement Sam unhooked the pair of handcuffs off his belt loop and clasped one around the doctor's hand.

"What the hell...?"

"Dr. James Butler Hickok, you're under arrest for the murder of Mr. Randall Downs," Sam informed him, clasping Jimmy's hands together behind his back. "Barnett, you can read him his rights."

While the other policemen did so, Jimmy kept thrashing, trying to break free in vain and shouting angrily. "Sam! What the hell is this! I didn't murder anyone. Set me free or I swear you're gonna regret this. Sam!"

The shouts drew the attention of everybody in the area, who came out to see how the doctor was being arrested by two police officers. "Let's go," Sam announced, raising his voice over Jimmy's loud shouts. Hickok continued with the thrashings and the lashings. Sam grabbed him by the arm strongly while the other police officer framed him too from the other side and they both started pushing the doctor forward.

Lou's mind was reeling as she watched the scene unfold before her eyes. She was at a loss about what to do and in an impulsive reaction she quickly placed herself before Jimmy and the two policemen, blocking their way. "One moment! This must be a mistake. This is..."

"Get of our way, Dr. McCloud," Sam said, checking her identity badge for her name. "I'm afraid there's no mistake here. And now if you'll excuse us, we have work to do."

Lou had no other option than to step aside and allow the men to take Jimmy away. As he eventually let himself be dragged along, he looked back towards her and called, "Don't worry, Lou. Everything will be all right... Please can you tell Teaspoon?"

Lou could hardly say a word and she simply stood there, transfixed as the three men grew smaller and smaller until they disappeared inside the elevator. A sigh escaped from her lips and only two sounds managed to drop out of her mouth in a soft whisper, "Oh God."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"How did you know Mr. Downs? Did you treat him as a patient outside the hospital?"

"No, I didn't know him. Never met him," Jimmy replied in a harsh tone. He had agreed to be questioned by someone called Lieutenant Ryan without the presence of his lawyer, but right now he could see that this had been a mistake. Sam was also in the room but had asked his coworker to do the questioning for him since he knew Jimmy and didn't want to get too personally involved.

"Let's get this clear, Dr. Hickok," Lieutenant Ryan said, resting his arms on the table before Jimmy and leaning his imposing body over the suspect. "Mr. Downs died this morning exactly at 8.43 a.m. His housekeeper, Mrs. Keller, urgently called an EMT and they certified his death. But they noticed something very strange. On a first diagnosis the man seemed to have died of an overdose. All the signs were there and that diagnosis was backed up when they came across a shelf full of empty bottles." The man showed Jimmy a small bottle. "Do you recognize it?"

Jimmy took the bottle from him and after reading the name on its label, he said, "It's Roxanol, a preparation of morphine, especially prescribed for cancer conditions."

"What can you see on that label too, Doctor?" Jimmy turned his eyes back to the bottle and a surprised expression appeared on his face as he read his own name and official prescriber's number. "I don't need to explain to you how much of this can be considered a lethal dose. We've checked the dates on the bottles and in the last days Mr. Downs was prescribed and administered a whole lot more than a horse could resist."

"This is just crazy. Mr. Downs was never my patient and I certainly didn't prescribe him all those drugs. As a matter fact, I never prescribe Roxanol."

"Then how do you explain all this?" the lieutenant boomed, pointedly hitting the bottle against the surface of the table.

"I don't know... I just don't know."

The police officer took a deep breath to get a grip of himself and after a beat he continued with the questioning, "I gather you know Mrs. Downs."

"Yeah, of course. She's a nurse in the same hospital I work," Jimmy replied nonchalantly.

"Is your relationship with Mrs. Downs strictly professional?" The doctor didn't answer straightaway and Lieutenant Ryan urged him, "Dr. Hickok?"

"We're in love," Jimmy stated, staring at the man defiantly.

"God, Jimmy, how can you be so stupid!" Sam exclaimed, unable to control his tongue any longer and in a few strides he came to stand before him as both men glared at each other.

"Please, Cain, let me handle this," Ryan asked, placing a hand on his subordinate's shoulder. Sam reluctantly walked back to his discreet position in the corner and got ready to listen to the rest of the questioning. "So Dr. Hickok, what a happy coincidence, isn't it? Mr. Randall happens to have died of an apparent overdose from the Roxanol you mysteriously forgot prescribing him in dozens, and this magically leaves the way free for you and his widow."

"How many times do I have to say it?" Jimmy exclaimed irritated. "I have nothing to do with the death of Randall Downs."

"You have to admit that your story is quite hard to believe, don't you?"

"Why would I do anything against him, endangering my career and reputation when he'd be dead in a few months?" Ryan frowned at his comment and Hickok elaborated, "He had a terminal cancer."

"Is that true, Jimmy?" Sam asked from his position at the far end and Hickok nodded. "This is the first we've heard of it, isn't it, Ryan?"

The lieutenant waved his hand dismissively as he added, "Cancer or no cancer, maybe Mr. Downs caught wind of the little affair his wife and you were having and he threatened to cut her out of his will. It's public knowledge that Randall Downs is a very rich gentleman. So before he could sort out the paperwork for his will, you, Dr. Hickok, kindly offered to get rid of this little problem."

"I did no such thing!"

"And where's Sarah Downs? Nobody has seen her since her husband was found dead."

"I don't know," Jimmy replied with a tired voice, his fingers massaging his temples with his fingers where he was starting to feel the beginning of a headache. "She was off today... I haven't seen her."

Lieutenant Ryan looked down at Jimmy with a scornful expression and after a few seconds he turned to Sam, "Cain, you can take care of him. I think it's enough for the moment."

The lieutenant left the premises while Sam proceeded to handcuff Jimmy once again. This time the doctor didn't put up a fight and in silence he let the police officer steer him a floor down towards the cells. "Sam, I didn't do it," Jimmy said as Sam unlocked the cell where he was going to be housed.

"Things don't look good for you, I'm afraid."

"I know," Jimmy muttered as he forlornly watched the barred door close in front of his face.

"The autopsy results will reveal more details. But in the meantime, in your place I'd get myself a good lawyer," the policeman added, locking up again. "If you have nothing to do with this sordid business, the truth will eventually come out."

"Thanks, Sam. And please don't take to heart what I said before. You know I'm too quick-tempered."

Sam simply nodded and left the place. Jimmy looked around, not quite believing where he was. This was way too weird. He mentally went over the facts that Lieutenant Ryan had mentioned and just couldn't understand what was happening. How had all that stuff ended up in that man's place? He remembered giving Sarah some free medicine samples but of course never such a controlled substance like Roxanol or anything similar. This was crazy.

All the explanations that he came up with were sheer nonsense. His first idea was that somebody wanted to frame him and Sarah, faking evidence and even murdering that man. It made no sense. He had no enemies, at least none he was aware of. But maybe a rich man like Randall Downs had a bunch of enemies. Maybe somebody had found out about the affair he had with Sarah and had taken the chance to get rid of Downs and leave all those false clues to incriminate him. That was the only explanation that, even though a bit far-fetched, sounded more plausible. Whatever the case, Jimmy knew that he was damned. Yet, he wanted to believe... he needed to believe that this was a nightmare and soon he'd wake up.

* * *

Louise followed a police woman down the stairs where the cells were. After talking to Teaspoon about Jimmy's delicate situation, he had sent her to the police station to find out about the young doctor's legal circumstances and see him. Louise talked to Sam and the police officer had updated her about Jimmy up to some extent, without breaking the gag order. She could tell that Jimmy was in a tight spot but she just couldn't believe that he was behind this sordid business. He could be quite impulsive at times and might have made the wrong decision by continuing to see Sarah, but that didn't make him a cold-blooded murderer.

The police officer opened the door to the cells area and Lou spotted Jimmy in the last one, leaning against the bars in a morose pose. The man straightened up when he saw her and said, "What are you doing here, Lou?"

"How are you, Jimmy?" she asked, ignoring his question.

"Screwed up. How do you think?"

Lou took a couple of steps closer to his cell and her hand grabbed one of its bars tightly. "Teaspoon said he'd talk to the hospital's lawyer. He'll refer you to a good criminal defense lawyer."

"You sure about that?" Jimmy asked sarcastically. "Are they ready to involve their highly-reputed institution in a scandal like this? That would be a disgrace for those lofty geezers."

"Jimmy, what is important now is to have your name cleared of this mess... because... because you have nothing to do with it, do you?"

"What if I say I do," Jimmy replied and when Lou's face shrank into a grimace, he exclaimed, "For Pete's sake, Lou, how could you even consider that?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized, lowering her eyes in shame. "This matter just looks very fishy."

"I know," Jimmy conceded. "I don't understand anything. They say that the guy died of an overdose of Roxanol, which I apparently prescribed him. I swear, Lou, I never did such a thing and you know I'm a good doctor."

"Jimmy, do you keep control of the prescriptions you issue?"

"Of course I do... well, not personally... you know how tight our schedules are and I usually have one of the nurses doing it."

"Sarah?"

"Yeah... sometimes," Jimmy replied, and noticing Lou's expression he asked, "What's that face for?"

Louise didn't answer straightaway and tried to voice her feelings as tactfully as she could possibly do, "Jimmy, haven't you considered that Sarah might be in the middle of all this?"

"Don't."

"Her marriage was obviously not a happy one. As a nurse she knows what quantity to administer to cause an overdose, and she also has access to your stuff and might have counterfeited your details on a prescription."

"I can't believe that! We're in love, Lou, whatever you and your dear friend Kid think. She'd never do something like that or endanger me in any way. She must be very scared too and I can't imagine what she's also going through."

Lou was about to reply, but the police woman that had taken her to the place informed her that her time was up and had to leave. "Good bye, Jimmy. We'll do whatever we can to help you," Lou said.

Angry because of her accusations, Jimmy didn't bother to reply and simply turned his back to his colleague. Louise left the place with a sullen expression and once she was in the hall of the police station she came up to a pay phone and called Teaspoon. She explained to him what Sam had told her and how her visit with Jimmy had gone.

"A criminal lawyer is on his way to see him and hopefully he'll be able to bail him out."

"Good."

"And Louise, come back here now. You're right to suspect that somebody might have tampered with Jimmy's prescriptions. And that girl... she must have a part in all this. The police won't check anything till they get the autopsy results but in the meantime we can play for time."

"I'll be there, Teaspoon."

Louise hung up and turned to go, but a thought struck her and she stopped in the middle of the hall. For a few seconds she stood, deep in thought and biting her nails, and then she turned on her heel and went back to the pay phone. After pressing the number on the keypad, she didn't wait long when she got her answer.

"Hello?"

"Kid, it's me," Lou said with a serious tone.

"Hey!" he exclaimed pleased with a rough voice. "I'm really gonna have to believe that you actually miss me. Two calls in a day."

"Kid, there's trouble."

The doctor quickly caught the hint of her serious tone. "I'm listening, Lou."

"It's Jimmy. He's been arrested."

"What?" Kid almost cried as loudly as his sore throat allowed him. Lou then proceeded to explain what the day had brought about and when she finished, her friend asked, "Where are you, Lou?"

"At the police station, but I'm going back to the hospital. I'll hail a cab now."

"Wait for me in the restaurant on the corner. It's the one with an Italian name. I'll be there in half an hour and we'll drive together to the hospital."

"Kid, no," Louise protested. "You aren't well and you need your rest. I didn't call you for that but because I thought you needed to know."

"Please Lou don't argue with me, please," he almost pleaded in a tone that disarmed Louise and she couldn't do anything but consent.

Right as he had said, half an hour later Kid pulled over in front of the restaurant, in front of which Lou was already waiting. She walked to the car when a coughing fit struck him. "Kid, you don't look or sound good. You shouldn't be here."

"I'm fine," he wheezed, his voice barely a husky whisper. "And right now I'm not running a fever."

"Yeah, you sound superb," Louise remarked sarcastically. "But I know better than argue with someone as stubborn as you. And now scoot over."

"What?"

"I'm not letting you drive in that condition and probably stuffed with Tylenol. Come on, move!" Kid slid to the passenger seat while Louise opened the door and positioned herself to drive. She looked at Kid sideways and said as a coy smile played on her lips, "Don't worry, pal. I'll treat your baby smooth and nicely."

Kid shook his head, accustomed to her jokes about his car and as he studied her profile on the driver's seat, he added, "You know something? My car really suits you. You look kind of sexy in it."

"Oh you hush and stop fooling around," she chastised half-seriously as she started the ignition and drove off.

When they reached the hospital, they went straight to Jimmy's office. Lou came to sit at the desk and pressed the power button on the computer, and when she eyed Kid grab the remote control for the air conditioning, she cried, "Don't you even dare!"

"Lou, it's too hot in here!"

"That's not for discussion. What do you want? Catch your death? You've been running temperatures of almost 38ºC and you shouldn't be here in the first place." Kid decided not to say anything against it and sank down on the chair opposite her while Lou's eyes flicked to the computer screen. "Oh no," she let out sorrowfully. "He has a password."

"Allow me," Kid offered, rising to his feet and walking behind her seat. He rested one of his hands on the chair she was sitting on and leaned his body over to type the secret code on the keyboard. "Bingo!" he exclaimed when the screen came to life. Looking down he found her eyes staring at him with rapt attention and noticed for the first time how close she actually was. His body was almost touching hers and his face was merely a few inches from hers. With just a slight movement his lips could brush against her skin...that close. Her soft aroma filled all his senses. She didn't smell like other women who used those strong, musky perfumes, but hers was a fresh and clean scent, very subtle, very soft like baby powder. Her proximity was too powerful and Kid could hardly breathe, feeling his own skin getting goosebumps as a tremor coursed throughout his body. Then he saw her smile and his heart skipped a beat when her hand stroked his forearm softly several times.

"Are you sure you're all right, Kid? You look kind of flushed and you're shivering."

Kid simply nodded, moving away from her. Right now his looks and shivers had nothing to do with his damn flu but with her intoxicating presence. If she only knew... he thought wryly. Even with Jimmy in that critical situation, she still affected him terribly. Kid ruefully had to admit to himself that his infatuation was growing bigger and bigger and he couldn't do anything about it. "Let's do something. I hate to think that Jimmy's freedom is at stake."

"Do you also think that Sarah has somehow concocted all this?" Lou asked as he brought a chair next to hers and sat down.

"What other logical explanation can you think of for this situation?"

Louise nodded and the two of them turned their attention to the computer screen where an inventory of medicines prescribed by Jimmy in the last couple of months flashed before their eyes. Lou scrolled on the screen, their eyes unblinkingly fixed on the data. "There's no entry for Roxanol or any other form of morphine."

"Let's print these out and save the entries in a memory stick for the last three months," Kid offered. "This could serve as evidence for the judge."

"You're right, but you know it won't be definite. The accusation might claim that these data might have been manipulated or some of them deleted."

Kid nodded, knowing that she was right. "We need to check the carbon copies of all these prescriptions as well and their codes."

Soon a neat pile of paper lay before them as they each silently went through the prescriptions in the last few weeks. This was taking longer than they had expected and Kid was feeling very weary and drained of all energy as time dragged by without any results. Lou kept sending him glances, checking that he was all right and aware that he was doing a great effort pretending that he didn't feel so rough. She knew that she should stand her ground and send him home, but she had no heart to do so.

"I think I have something here," Lou announced after an hour of intense perusal. Kid came closer to have a look as she explained, "There's a gap in the numbers... the last one here is number 857300 and then jumps to 857400."

"Exactly a hundred numbers," Kid filled in pointedly. "An entire prescription pad."

"Exactly."

"If we found that pad, Jimmy would be above suspicion," Kid remarked, almost talking to himself.

"Do you think Sarah might have stolen it and has it with her?"

"Yeah, it's the most logical assumption ... and she might have left it somewhere at close range... like in her locker."

"Do you honestly believe that after framing Jimmy, she could be so careless as to leave such an important piece of evidence unattended?" Louise asked with a frown.

"Well... we don't lose anything just for trying," Kid added, "Let's tell Teaspoon what we've found out and he might want to arrange for the police to do a search."

About two hours later Sam and the same policeman that had arrested Jimmy arrived in the hospital and proceeded to search in Sarah Downs's locker. Teaspoon, Kid and Lou stood behind the two police officers. No sooner had the uniformed men opened the metal door than it was clear that they had hit pay dirt. On top of the ledge there were several bottles of Roxanol and a couple of syringes. Sam exchanged a brief look with the doctors and methodically started to transfer all the stuff from inside the locker into clear bags.

"Home run," Sam exclaimed as he triumphantly showed a prescription pad. Kid confirmed that the codes corresponded to those that were lost in the series they had been looking into. The two policemen finished bagging the rest of the items and while Barnett took the material evidence to their vehicle, Sam remained in the company of the three doctors.

"Teaspoon, this will logically help Jimmy's case, but won't clear him from his involvement in this business. He was having an affair with the woman and he might have been a willing accessory in all this."

"Sam, you've known Jimmy for years and there's no way I can believe he could be so stupid as to be a participant in this dirty matter."

"Teaspoon, what I think doesn't matter. I'm just saying what all this looks like and will be seen to the eyes of the law," Sam explained. "We'll get the autopsy results any moment now and we hope to locate Mrs. Downs and bring her to justice as well."

Even though he didn't share his opinion, Teaspoon nodded and walked with Sam and Kid out of the changing room while Louise lagged behind. She curiously sent a last look to the locker, whose metal door was sealed with a police band, when something caught her eye. On top of the locker a shiny object glowed from the light coming through the window. Louise couldn't help but give in to her curiosity and her hand reached to pick up the object. When she brought it before her eyes, she saw that it was a hotel key. On its big, round plastic tag there was a number, 340, and the name of the hotel in question. Louise kept thoughtful for a minute and wondering whether the key might belong to Sarah and thus be evidence for the case, she hurried out but she only found Kid on his own as Sam and Teaspoon had already left. Louise put the key in the pocket of her jacket and turned to Kid, "You should go home now. There's nothing much we could do."

"Well, now that I'm here, I could have a look at some paperwork in my office."

"Kid..."

"I'm feeling a bit better... honestly."

Louise sent him a dubious look, not believing a word he was saying. His face was haggard and pale, and from his slow movements Lou could deduce that he was sore and exhausted due to all the fuss he was forcing himself into. Yet, she knew how stubborn he was and she'd never convince him to change his mind. So she simply shrugged her shoulders and followed him to his office. When they had been there for half an hour, the phone rang, and Kid answered, "Hello?... Genevieve Who?... I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I'm afraid you..."

"That's for me!" Louise exclaimed, snatching the receiver from Kid's hold. "Hello, Gene!... Do you have it?... I know... I know!... I know but this is all for a good cause... yes, I'm all ears." Lou kept quiet, simply nodding at whatever the other woman was telling her. Then her serious expression changed to one of utter surprise. "Are you sure?... I see... Thank you, Gene. You're the best. See you later."

Louise hung up and turned up to his colleague, "Good news, Kid."

"What was that?"

"The autopsy results," Lou said and as Kid frowned in confusion, she added, "I know somebody who works with the forensic department, and I kind of convinced her to give me a call when she knew something."

"That's supposed to be restricted information."

"Oh it is... and believe me, Genevieve is a very upright and honest woman, very committed to her duties. But this is about Jimmy and I just pulled some strings."

"So what did she tell you?"

Louise smiled in a satisfied fashion and said, "Randall Downs didn't die of an overdose after all." Kid's eyes widened in obvious surprise and Lou added, "He died of pulmonary edema, produced by the effects of a substance. They found traces of cyanide in his stomach. In short, he was poisoned."

"Sounds like those whodunits by Agatha Christie," Kid remarked, "where the wife is usually the killer."

"And my instinct tells me that truth is stranger than fiction."

"That's good news for Jimmy!" Kid exclaimed with a big smile.

"I'm sure they will release him now." Lou agreed. "Come on. Let's go."

"Where to?" Kid asked as he watched Lou picking up her knapsack and ready to leave.

"To the police station. To see what all this will bring about."

"Lou, we can't just show up there. What will we say when they ask us what we want? We can't betray your friend's trust saying that we know about the autopsy," Kid pointed out as he followed her out of the office and down the corridor.

Lou stopped and swirled around to him. "We aren't going to betray anybody. We have a very plausible reason to turn up. It seems that Sam missed something when he searched Sarah's locker."

"What?"

"This," Lou replied, taking the key out of her pocket and showing it to Kid. "I found it on top of her locker. We need to hand it in to Sam, don't we? It could be vital evidence," she concluded, winking at him playfully as they continued their way towards the exit.

"You definitely are full of surprises," Kid remarked, quickening his steps to keep up with her.

Louise turned her eyes to him and simply smiled sheepishly as a thought hit her at his words, _"You don't know half of it."_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

As soon as they crossed the front door at the police station, Sam spotted them. He marched to the pair with obvious irritation and asked, "What are you two doing here?"

"We thought that..." Lou started but Sam didn't let her finish.

"Just let the police do their job, all right? I'm already sick and tired of Emma calling me every five minutes, and I'm not going to have you bugging me as well!"

"Jimmy's our friend and we're just trying to help."

"Stay out of this, please. Go back to your obligations or wherever you want to. Your friend is in deep trouble and I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to help him."

"What do you mean, Sam?" Kid asked wonderingly.

"Randall Downs apparently was the victim of cyanide poisoning according to the autopsy and can you guess what my men found in Jimmy's apartment? A whole pot of that stuff."

"But that's not possible!" Kid exclaimed more loudly than his poor throat was actually able to perform in those moments.

"You know Jimmy could never kill anybody," Lou insisted.

"Do you think I enjoy doing this?" Sam retorted, running out of patience. "Like hell I do, but evidence is evidence. That cyanide was at his place and on top of everything else, Jimmy told us a couple of lies in his statement. Downs wasn't closer to death than any of us... he was as healthy as an ox."

Lou and Kid exchanged a concerned look and the young woman said, "But how can you be so sure that the poison you found belongs to Jimmy? Did you find prints on the jar?"

"Not that it's any of your concern but for your information, somebody took good care of cleaning it... something hardly surprising."

"And don't you think it's quite strange that Jimmy could leave that around in his apartment where he knew it could be found easily and then bothered to clean his prints?" Kid continued stubbornly, refusing to believe that his friend was a murderer.

"Look. I've already told you more than I should. Please leave this matter for the police," Sam replied, clearly annoyed and turned to go, but Lou's voice stopped him once again.

"And what about Sarah? She's in the middle of all this. That prescription pad was in her locker. What are you going to do about her?"

"I know all that," Sam answered in a tired voice. "Two of my men already found her and if you weren't bugging me with your questions, I'd already be getting all the information we need from her." He exhaled wearily and finally concluded, "And please do me a favor and go home."

Without sparing one more word, Sam marched towards the room where Sarah Downs was being held. A uniformed policeman was keeping watch over her and when Sam slid inside, he said, "Thanks, Wilson. I'll take over from here now." This time, unlike for Jimmy, Sam was on his own to talk to the woman except for the couple of officers he knew were watching him from the other side of the double mirror on one of the walls. He took a seat opposite her and started, "Mrs. Downs, my name is Sam Cain, police inspector. Before anything else, let me give you my condolences for your loss."

"Thank you, Inspector."

"Has Wilson informed you about the situation concerning your husband's death?"

"Yes, he did," Sarah replied with a tiny voice as she rubbed her eyes with a handkerchief. "I just can't believe it."

"You'll understand then that I need to ask you a few questions about the circumstances of your husband's demise." Sarah nodded and Sam asked, "Can you tell me if it's true that you claimed that your husband was terminally ill?"

Sarah took her time to answer the question, trying to gather her thoughts carefully. "Well, I told Jimmy... I mean Dr. Hickok ... he was. It's awkward to say this under the present circumstances, but Jimmy and I were... are in a relationship. When he found that I was a married woman, he threatened with leaving me. So I resorted to telling him Randall was dying. I needed to buy some time and hoped to sort out my situation in the meanwhile. I really never got the chance. Inspector, I'm just a woman in love who made a wrong decision."

"Did you kill your husband, Mrs. Downs?"

"No, of course not!" Sarah cried, her eyes turning blurry. "I wasn't in love with him, but I loved him... my way. He was a good man and I never wished him ill."

"Do you recognize this?" Sam continued as he produced the prescription pad that he had found in her locker at the hospital.

"It's a prescription pad... the kind our doctors use," Sarah replied without much enthusiasm.

"This one in particular went missing from Dr. Hickok's premises and we found it in your locker... half of its pages mysteriously gone," Sam explained, flapping the pad in front of her.

"I don't really remember. We nurses check prescriptions... sometimes... and maybe I simply put it in my locker by mistake."

"Please, Mrs. Downs, stop lying. There are no recorded entries for the missing prescriptions... the hospital has filed a criminal complaint against you."

Sarah lifted her eyes in a challenging pose as she silently chastised herself for being so stupid as to carelessly leave the pad in her locker. "All right, all right. I stole it. I stole the damn thing. I have a little addiction to drugs and I was getting desperate... Randall didn't know about this… he had me on a short leash... controlled every cent I spent ... even my own income. What if I stole the pad? You can lock me up for that but I didn't kill Randall. I didn't kill him! And I can't believe Jimmy did either!"

Sam paused for a second, waiting for the woman to calm down after her outburst. "Did you know that your husband was being poisoned?"

"I suspected it," Sarah replied. "I'm a qualified nurse and I know the symptoms. I simply didn't want to believe it... and whatever you say, I refuse to believe Jimmy was behind all this. My husband had enemies... he wasn't an easy man to have dealings with and maybe one of those men actually murdered him... I do believe the truth is out there and not here. You're looking for a murderer in the wrong place."

"Did Dr. Hickok ever come into contact with your husband?" Sam continued with a new question, not even letting her finish and ignoring her words completely.

"No, never... at least as far as I know."

"Then how do you think the poison got to your husband?"

"I don't know."

"Mrs. Downs, let me remind you that you're in a very delicate position. If you cooperate, we might put a good word with the judge for you."

"Whatever you say, I don't intend to go against Jimmy. We're both innocent. Our hands are clean."

"Mrs. Downs, please, answer my question. How did the poison get to your husband?"

Sarah kept quiet for a few minutes and looking down at her intertwined hands resting on the table she muttered, "I'm not completely sure... I have just a slight idea. A couple of weeks ago I started giving him some bicarbonate of soda that was recommended to me since he had been complaining about indigestion problems. It was then that the symptoms appeared."

"Why then didn't you say something? Why didn't you stop him from taking it? Why didn't you go to the police?"

"It was just crazy. Would you ever believe that somebody was poisoning your spouse however clear the signs were? Who would you suspect... the servants, our friends? I just couldn't believe and I thought it was just my imagination."

"Who gave you that stuff?" Sam continued his questioning and when Sarah remained in silence, obviously troubled by what she wasn't saying, the police officer insisted, "Who, Mrs. Downs?"

"It was Jimmy... but that doesn't mean anything! I might be wrong!"

Sam turned his back to the woman, his countenance showing that he wasn't happy with the information he had squeezed out of Sarah Downs. He had a hard time believing that Jimmy could have got mixed up in this kind of business, but there was nothing he could do when all the evidence pointed to Jimmy as the allegedly killing hand. He and the doctor had never been especially close, but Sam knew that Emma was really fond of Jimmy after working together for several years now. The two men had a cordial relationship whenever they met at any of the dinners or other functions that the clinic staff got together for. It was always difficult for Sam to remain impartial when his personal life got tangled with his job.

"We'll see," Sam's grave voice resounded after a brief pause. "We'll have to look into all you've told me. You know you're under suspicion yourself and under arrest on charges of theft."

"But I didn't do anything, I didn't kill Randall, I swear," Sarah cried, almost desperately.

"We'll see," Sam replied and motioned for one of his colleagues to take her away to a cell while he left the room.

* * *

"Lou, I don't know what we're still doing here," Kid complained. They had been at the police station for over an hour now despite Sam's previous warnings. They had talked to Jimmy's lawyer, Ben Taylor, who had told them that the situation was getting worse and worse for the doctor. Apart from the fact that the police had found that jar of cyanide in his apartment, Sarah had also confessed how she had been administering some digestive composition to her husband following Jimmy's recommendations. When the police checked the Downs' place and found that preparation, they'd probably find traces of cyanide and then Jimmy would really be in a tight spot.

On hearing his question, Lou looked up at his friend with a surprised expression. "You were the one who didn't want to go and get a look at the room this key opens," she said, pointing at the key in his hand.

"Lou, that's police evidence and you should have handed it in to Sam already. If we were to set foot in the place, we could be accused of tampering with anything that might be there and that wouldn't help Jimmy at all."

"I'm afraid the police might find something else that could incriminate him even more," Lou muttered in a soft voice.

"You seem to be very worried about Jimmy all of sudden," Kid retorted with a strange tinge of irritation in his voice.

"Of course I am. What's wrong with you now, Kid? Aren't you concerned about him too?"

Her question made him realize that his reaction had sounded totally out of tune. Oddly enough, her concern for Jimmy had sparked his jealousy even though the notion was totally ridiculous. Lou was already linked to another man, and Kid knew he had no right to be jealous. She was nothing to him but to his chagrin his own growing feelings were getting more and more evident with each passing day.

"Forgive me, Lou. It's just... I'm just tired."

"Are you sure you don't want to go home, Kid?" she asked, squeezing his shoulder tenderly.

Again the tingling sensation coursed all over his body and he involuntarily gave a step back from her. "I'm sure. I'm staying until we see the end of all this."

Lou shook her head in amusement at his stubbornness, and she was about to say something else when a loud voice resounded behind her. "What are you two still doing here?" Louise looked up to see Sam's annoyed face directed to them. "Didn't I tell you to leave?"

"Sam, you didn't give us the chance to tell you something," Kid said.

"All right, what is it?" the inspector asked, trying to get hold of the little patience he had.

"Lou..." Kid gave his colleague the cue for her to start.

"When you came to the hospital and checked Sarah's locker, you missed something," she explained, opening her right hand and showing the key she had found.

Sam picked up the object and had a closer look at it. "Did you find this in her locker?"

"Not exactly. On top of it," Lou elaborated. "Maybe it's not hers, but it's worth a shot to check it, isn't it?"

"Yes, I'll have to drop by and see what there is in this room," Sam agreed and before he could say anything else, Louise piped in with a question that not only surprised Sam but also Kid.

"Can we go with you?"

"What? Of course not!" Sam retorted loudly. "That would be totally unorthodox!"

"Nobody needs to know," Lou insisted. "We won't be any trouble and after all, you owe us big time."

"What?" Sam exclaimed in disbelief.

"We've been helping you out in this investigation, and if it weren't for us, you wouldn't have found this key," Louise added in a resolute tone.

Sam stared at her with a serious countenance for a long minute and something in her face told him that whatever he said, she'd do what she had got in her head. Strangely, and despite his own convictions, he found himself agreeing. "All right, all right. You can come but I don't want any meddling at all, understood?"

Louise almost jumped in joy, sharing a triumphant smile with Kid, who still looked completely clueless about what she had in mind. She promptly led the way outside and Kid was about to follow her when he felt a tug from behind as Sam grabbed him by the arm. Kid sent him a questioning glance and the police officer asked, "Where the heck did you get her from, Kid?"

The doctor snickered amused and after a beat he simply said, "That's what I'd like to know too. Baffling, isn't she?" And then he continued past him after Lou, leaving Sam behind who was already wondering whether he had made the right decision to let them join him on this quest.

About half an hour later Sam stopped his car outside the hotel. He slid out of it and before his two companions could follow him, he turned to them. "You two wait for me here. And please stay put."

Without waiting for their replies, he dashed off towards the building. Lou didn't look happy at all and Kid couldn't help but grin in amusement. "Don't give me that long face, Lou," Kid quipped, nudging her on the side. "Just trust Sam. He's an honest cop."

Louise looked at him sideways and crossing her arms over her chest, she said without the slightest tone of amusement in her voice, "Come on, let's go."

"Where?" Kid asked, grabbing her by the elbow and stopping her.

"In there, of course. I haven't come this far to simply keep watch as a guard dog," Lou replied, starting off and Kid knew he would just be wasting his time trying to change her mind, so he simply shook his head and followed her inside the building. When they reached the room, they found Sam, crouching before a dresser checking the contents of the last drawer. On noticing the presence of the two doctors, Sam looked up and despite himself he had to chuckle.

"Why is it I'm not surprised at seeing you."

"Have you found anything?" Lou asked, ignoring his comment and coming behind him.

Sam rose to his feet and rested his hands on his hips while he replied, "Not yet. You didn't give me enough time."

"If we three look, we can finish more quickly," Lou offered enthusiastically.

Sam sent her a crooked smile while he quipped, "You'll never give up, will you?" He knew there was no use in getting annoyed since he was obviously fighting a lost battle. At his remark Louise just shrugged her shoulders and turning around she put on a couple of surgical gloves and started looking as she had suggested. The two men shared a smile and then followed suit.

"I think I have something here," Kid said after a few minutes. Sam walked up to him and took the strips of paper that the doctor had found and was holding in his hand.

"Plane tickets to Rio de Janeiro," Sam muttered to himself as he ran his eyes through the details on the paper, "issued for one Richard Gentry and one Sarah Gentry. Do these names ring a bell?"

The two doctors shook their heads in unison and Lou asked, "What are the flight dates?"

"The day after tomorrow... no return... Just one-way tickets."

"Could that Sarah Gentry by any chance be Sarah Downs? She might have used a fake name for some reason. Maybe she planned to escape with this guy, but Downs's untimely death might have caught her by surprise. We might find their fake passports here as well," Lou suggested.

Sam nodded, silently admitting that she had a point there, but he still had to play the devil's advocate once again. "And what if Richard Gentry is actually Jimmy with another fake name?"

"Sam, I just can't believe that. It's simply unthinkable!" Louise stubbornly continued. As a matter of fact, she hadn't known Jimmy for long but she could tell that he wasn't a murderer or somebody so devious as to plan something so garbled.

While Lou and Sam continued looking for those passports to no avail, Kid had gone to the en suite bathroom and was rummaging in the small closet over the sink. On the shelves several pots of cream, makeup and other stuff were perfectly lined. One by one Kid opened each of them, smelling their contents and it was in the third one in which he found a little surprise. "Sam!" he called and instantly the police officer and Lou went up to him.

Kid showed them the pot half full of a whitish powder. Sam picked a pinch of it with his little finger and placed it on his tongue. "Right. Tastes like bitter almonds."

"Cyanide then," Kid confirmed.

"What are you going to do now, Sam?" Lou asked.

"I'll take these back to the station," the inspector explained. "I'll have this stuff tested and the container and the tickets checked for prints. I have the feeling that we are going to score and Sarah's prints are going to coincide exactly with what we might have here. And then we still have to find out who this Mr. Gentry is."

"I just know he's not Jimmy," Kid stated with determination.

"For his own good I hope you're right," Sam replied. "And I know I should send you packing right now, but as I'm sure you are going to mind me as much as you have done so far," he added, pointedly shifting his eyes to Lou, "I'd better not waste my time, hadn't I?"

"We'll go as soon as the truth about Jimmy gets unfolded," Louise countered stubbornly, which settled the matter. The two men shared a smile and straight afterwards the three walked out of the place without exchanging a single word.

The evening started to fall when after hours of waiting in the police station, Sam came out of his office. Kid and Lou had been hanging about, hoping to get good news about Jimmy. Sam had told them that whatever it was, good or bad news, he would tell them as soon as he knew something. Kid wasn't sure why Emma's husband was being so considerate with them, especially after being such pests with their insistence. Maybe their open concern about Jimmy's welfare had somehow softened him or maybe he simply understood how they were feeling about the whole thing. Whatever the case, Kid knew that it was Lou's determination that had taken them so far and her special temper hadn't left Sam indifferent at all.

When the inspector walked to them, Kid couldn't hold back his uncertainty much longer and asked straightaway, "What happened, Sam?"

"Well... I've done a search in our data base for anybody by the name of Richard Gentry. I didn't think I'd get much from it, but my instinct proved me wrong this time. One Richard Gentry was arrested a couple of years ago for a small offense. I made some phone calls and apparently the guy in question works in a company called Ipnotex, a chemical plant."

"Let me guess," Kid countered, "one that manufactures poisons such as cyanide."

"Exactly," Sam replied. "The lab results also came through an hour ago. They've made a contrast between the stuff found in Jimmy's place, the pot we got in that hotel room and the traces in the victim. Seems 30% of the elements found in the victim's body are coincident with the stuff we retrieved from Jimmy's place but it's almost an 80% in the substance we got from the hotel. These guys made the stupid mistake of using some different stuff to frame Jimmy."

"What about Sarah?" Lou asked.

"Her prints as well as Gentry's were on both the tickets and the cream pot," Sam explained. "The case is straightforward."

"Then that means that Jimmy is free of suspicion, isn't he?" Kid exclaimed with a wide smile.

"The order for his release just came through but I first wanted to let you know," Sam said. "Mr. Gentry must be getting a visit from two of my men at this moment. He and Sarah Downs will be accused of murder and planting false evidence to incriminate an innocent man."

"I can't say I'm sorry," Kid let out as he ran his fingers through his tousled hair.

"Neither can I," Sam admitted before walking off. He made his way down to the cells and after showing the order to the policeman assigned to the area, they both ambled towards the place where Jimmy was jailed. The doctor was leaning against the bars, his eyes focused on the cell opposite his where Sarah was. As soon as the sound of steps reached his ears, he turned his attention to the two approaching policemen while Sarah remained impassive, sitting forlornly and looking at the wall just before her.

"Good news, Jimmy. I came down here to release you and let you go home," Sam announced as his colleague unlocked the door to his cell.

"You heard that, Sarah?" Jimmy exclaimed with obvious joy. "We're getting out of here."

"I'm afraid not," Sam contradicted and when the doctor sent him a confused look, he continued, "Ms. Downs is still gonna keep us company for a while now before changing her lodgings here to those in the county prison."

"But why? It's not..."

"Yeah, Sarah. Would you care to explain why we're so eager for your lovely company?" Sam quipped sarcastically while the woman cast him an angry, sideways glance. "Come on, don't be shy. Why don't you tell your colleague how you poisoned your husband, scattered what it was necessary for Jimmy to take the rap and then planned to leave him high and dry, facing a murder sentence while you enjoyed the sandy beaches and warm weather in Rio de Janeiro? Of course the whole thing backfired when you miscalculated the dosage of cyanide and Randall Downs died before you could make your getaway."

"Is that true, Sarah?" Jimmy asked, almost stuttering, obviously in total shock after the revelation.

"Of course not!" Sarah almost cried, this time directing her desperate eyes to the doctor.

"But don't worry, Jimmy," Sam continued in the same tone. "Your Sarah won't be alone. Soon Mr. Gentry will join her... logically, this isn't Copacabana where they had planned to spend their time together and Downs's inheritance."

"Why? Why, Sarah?" Jimmy asked in an agonizing voice, the truth coming over him devastatingly. "And please stop the games... no more lies."

Sarah rose to her feet and grabbing the bars with both her hands she brought her face against them. "Why? Are you asking me why?" she boomed in a high-pitched tone, which almost got to hysteria. "This world of ours is nothing but a damn jungle where only the strong ones survive. Survival, that's what everything is about. We all try to survive by good or bad means... I will do what it takes... trample on anybody... anybody... anything to simply survive."

"But I thought we loved each other."

"Then you're a bigger fool than I thought," Sarah let out unkindly and without another word she turned her back to him, clearly implying that their conversation was over.

Hickok remained in stunned silence, staring at her turned-round figure. He was so bewildered and shocked by the truth revealed and the pain coursing through his body that he couldn't even react or move. It was as if he had been frozen, turned into stone, and all he could manage to do was stare. "Come on, Jimmy. Let's go, there's nothing left for you here," Sam's voice resounded, cutting his train of thought. The doctor followed him like an automaton, like a puppet, not really aware of his own movements and feeling that even though his body was there, his soul had been wounded... maybe forever.

As soon as Jimmy stepped out into the waiting area in the police station, Lou let out a loud whoop and ran to hug her colleague. Kid watched them carefully, walking slowly towards them. Jimmy locked eyes with his friend over Lou's head and after a brief pause he moved forward to meet him. "Kid."

"How are you?"

"I've seen better days," Hickok replied with a bitter expression, "but I'll be fine... eventually." Kid nodded and shifting his gaze between his two colleagues, Jimmy continued, "Sam told me how you two are much to blame for my release."

"We didn't do anything you wouldn't have done for us," Lou answered.

"Seems you were right about Sarah all along," Jimmy added, turning his attention to Kid. "I owe you a big apology for behaving like a jackass all these weeks."

"You don't owe me anything," Kid rejoined and stretching his hand towards his friend, he said, "No hard feelings, all right?"

Despite his dented heart, Jimmy found himself smiling as he shook Kid's hand and finally with a strong push they joined in a bear hug. Louise grinned happily as the two friends smoothed out their differences and then suddenly a fit of coughing assaulted the sandy-haired doctor.

"Gosh, Kid! Get away from me before I catch all your germs!" Jimmy exclaimed, teasingly shoving him away from him. "You need to be locked away from healthy people."

Lou walked up to him and pressing her hand against his forehead she said, "Jimmy's right, Kid. You're running a fever and should be tucked in bed like a good boy. You're straining yourself more than you should. And this time I'm not accepting any protests."

"I guess you're right," he conceded. "I'd better go home now."

"You sure you can drive?" Jimmy asked, shifting his tone from teasing to earnest. "Maybe you should hail a cab."

"No, I'm fine."

The three started towards the exit, happy to finally be able to leave the limits of the police station and at some point Louise casually hooked her arm around Jimmy's as she asked, "And tell me, Dr. Hickok, did they feed you in there?"

"They gave me something, but I doubt whether I can call that food," Jimmy replied with a crooked smile.

"Then let me buy you some dinner now. My treat, all right?"

Kid hardly heard the rest of their conversation for his whole attention was drawn to their linked arms as they walked. A surge of blood darted to his head as jealousy hit him strongly. It was silly and he knew it. Jimmy had just come out from a disastrous experience and Kid was aware that there was nothing but friendship between him and Lou. Yet, his ridiculous mind was playing havoc with him and he wished he were the one who had received the hug from before or could feel her arm... her skin touching his. Jimmy had always had this magnetism with women, which Kid knew he lacked himself, but until now it hadn't bothered him so much. He so wanted to step between them and keep them apart, but he simply continued walking behind them with a heavy heart, feeling worse and not because of his damn flu. It was silly and ridiculous, he told himself, but however much he repeated the same over and over again, he couldn't help but feel this way.

Once outside Jimmy and Lou bid their friend goodbye, conveying their get-well wishes and then ambled down the street where Hickok was telling her about a nice, good place nearby where good food was served. Kid kept staring after them with a grave expression until they turned the corner and he couldn't see them anymore. A sigh escaped his lips as he walked to his car he had parked at the end of the street. He started the ignition and drove off, getting assaulted by a deep longing to get into bed, under the bedding, in total darkness and sleep the rest of the day away.

* * *

"I ordered the special for you too," Jimmy told Lou when she returned to their table after visiting the restroom. "Is it all right with you?"

Louise had a look at her wrist watch while taking the seat opposite him. "Yeah, I guess I should have a bite. It's late and I won't make it in time for dinner." She had planned to stop at the place just enough to make sure Jimmy was all right and have him eat some proper food, but she hadn't realized until now it was so late. The day had really flown away and she guiltily thought that she hadn't called home even once.

Jimmy cast her a curious look while she took a sip of her soft drink. Lou lifted her gaze to him and asked, "How are you, Jimmy?"

The dark-haired doctor cleared his throat and replied awkwardly, "If you don't mind, Lou, Id rather not talk about that now. Let's leave the matter to rest for a while."

"That's fine... of course."

They ate in silence for a few minutes and after pondering the way to start the conversation he did want to have, Jimmy finally asked, "So tell me, how are things at home?"

"At home?" Lou repeated with a surprised expression and at his friend's nod, she replied, "They're good... very good indeed. I'm quite happy actually. When I first came back from Guam, I thought that after being away for so long, I'd feel like a stranger in the city, and it would take me forever to readapt to this place. But it's been easier than I thought. I'm good." She paused to have another swig at her drink and curious to know the reason of her friend's curiosity, she added, "Why do you ask?"

Her reply wasn't the one Jimmy had expected and besides she hadn't actually answered his question in the way he wanted. Since he wasn't somebody who beat around the bush, Jimmy simply blurted out what was on his mind, "I was thinking about Kid." Lou sent him a confused look and he added, "You two seem to get on like a house on fire."

Louise smiled softly. "That's true. I have to admit that I've grown quite fond of him."

"I'm aware he's grown fond of you too. You know, he's a good and honest guy."

"I know he is."

Jimmy peered straight into her eyes, wanting to see her reaction to his following question, "Tell me, Lou. Do you reckon there might be a possibility for you two?"

"A possibility?" Lou asked, her forehead creased in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"You know, the odds that you two dance mambo," Jimmy replied, wriggling his eyebrows pointedly. He could guess what her answer was going to be... she was the kind of woman who wouldn't play with two decks of cards at the same time... unlike Sarah, he thought ruefully. Quickly he erased the thought off his head and focused on Lou, longing to see what she had to say.

At his words Lou couldn't help but blush hotly and lowering her eyes she stammered her reply, "No... no... I'm afraid there's no possibility there."

"That's what I thought," Jimmy let out wryly. "Tough luck. Seems I don't have a good eye for match-making... either for me or others."

Lou chuckled at his comment and placing her hand over his on the table, she lifted her eyes back to him. "I'm sure someday you and Kid will both get settled with nice, good girls."

"But you won't be one of them?"

"No, I won't."

"You see? Tough luck."

Louise let out a peal of laughter, not taking what he was saying seriously. Jimmy was always blabbering about men and women in a sort of light way. Lou was relieved that despite today's events he still could joke and take things lightly. Of course she knew that this was just a way to fend off his demons, a facade and deep down Jimmy was actually paining and struggling. Anyway, she was glad that she had decided to stay with him... this was not a good time for him to be on his own and she'd eagerly accept his teasing and banter as long as that could take his mind off Sarah Downs and everything about her. "Come on, Jimmy. Eat your food and stop talking nonsense," she said, smiling brightly. They shared an amused look and then the conversation ceased as they both focused their attention on the food in their plates.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

A week after the events that had led to Jimmy's arrest things seemed to have gone back to the same routine. During all this time Kid had been off work, fighting his flu, which after straining himself that day it had gotten even worse. Being away from work had been torture for Kid, who didn't enjoy being idle and wasn't the easiest person when sick. Besides, to his dismay all this inactivity had made his mind wander off to places where he knew he should keep away from. He couldn't help it and despite everything he continuously thought about her... wondering where she was, what she was doing. Never before had he felt this strong pull about anybody or anything and Kid wondered what was wrong with him. He was clearly infatuated... almost obsessed with her. This couldn't be healthy, but he just didn't know what to do, how to ignore his own feelings and urges.

Saying that he missed her in his forced isolation was clearly an understatement to express what he was experiencing and, more than once, despite his own mental warnings, he had given in to temptation and called her with some lame excuse simply to hear her voice or her laughter. Yet, it seemed that the cure was worse than the disease itself. As on those occasions Lou told him about her days and said over and over again how well she was getting along with Jimmy, Kid was assaulted by very uncomfortable sensations and the thought that his friend was cutting the ground out from under his feet, bonding with her, cementing a strong friendship with Lou while he was marooned behind. Strangely and bitterly, it bugged him to know that somebody else could enjoy the special friendly relationship he had been privy to. Since there was no other possibility for him but to aspire to her friendship, he simply wanted to protect that from everybody. It was stupid but however ridiculous it was, all this matter was torturing him beyond comprehension.

Yet, this wasn't the worst he was going though. It was at night as he lay awake in bed, still fighting his fever and other flu symptoms, that his soul literally waded through a living hell. He imagined that at that very moment she was cocooned between the arms of her man, that man Kid envied with his whole body and soul. It almost ripped him apart to think that right then she'd be sharing kisses, caresses, cuddles with him and the mental image that almost killed him was to picture her making love to that man. It was a physical pain that coursed throughout all his body and left him shattered.

He definitely wasn't well. This was crazy and he knew he had to do something to stop this madness. When he finally left his seclusion and got ready to go to work that Monday, his perspectives magically looked clearer, better. He wanted to believe that what he had been suffering for the last week had just been the result of a weakened mind due to his flu. Of course he was aware that he had a massive crush on Louise, but he was sure he could get over it and control himself. How could he not when he knew she was out of bounds and belonged to somebody else? What he had gone through for the past seven days was simply an exaggeration...nothing else. Lou and he were good friends and that was enough for him, wasn't it?

The last thought came about without much conviction, but he stubbornly told himself that there was no more truth than that. It was an old-fashioned notion to believe that one could fall in love in such an overwhelming way. He was a man of his time and he knew romance was something different from those plots that the authors of melodrama imprinted in their pages. Love was simply a process in which several elements took place: strong physical attraction, compatibility, and a gradual awareness that you feel ok with that person. Nobody could be such a fool to believe that there was anything more to relationships than that. By experience he knew that more often than not love stories ended up in heartache even when everything seemed easy and smooth. So getting his heart entangled in something that just couldn't be to start with was plainly stupid, Kid told himself. Lou and he were colleagues and good friends, only that... only that, just friends.

Kid resolutely marched towards the common room in the clinic to collect some documents he had left the last day he had been there. His mouth widened into a bright smile as he walked into this well-known environment. It felt so good to be back and leave the bed and sofa he had been seesawing between that he couldn't stop smiling.

As he entered the room, he noticed that the only person around was Jimmy. The two friends exchanged warm greetings and made some small talk for a few minutes. Kid eyed his friend carefully; they hadn't talked, not even on the phone, since the day Jimmy had been released from police custody. Kid wanted to know how his friend was doing after what had happened, and he was trying to choose the right words. Yet, there was no way he could be tactful and finally he asked, "Jimmy, how are things?"

Hickok shrugged his shoulders, well aware of what his friend wanted to know. "I try not to think much about it. I tell myself it's not worth it. What happened happened and that's it. I'm just lucky not to have been trapped in that web."

Kid nodded his head in understanding. "Who could've thought she could plan something like that?"

"I couldn't have fallen for anybody worse, could I?" Jimmy remarked bitterly.

"You were just unlucky... Maybe someday..."

"Naw... not for me, thanks. I've learned my lesson," Jimmy contradicted him. "I'll go back to my origins... you know, getting laid without stupid ties... It's safer."

Kid didn't deny his words. In a way he knew Jimmy was right. Simply enjoying casual sex was a way to protect yourself from heartache but Kid felt he needed something more... he couldn't be satisfied with only empty and loveless affairs. Despite his past bad experiences he wanted to believe that someday he'd find a person he'd feel ok with... he had to. As he played with the thought, Lou's neat figure popped in his mind and he had to shake his head to erase that disturbing image. Trying to distract himself from these daunting ideas, he opted for changing the direction of the conversation.

"And tell me, how have things been round here?"

"Like usual," Jimmy replied without much enthusiasm. "Well, at least I had some fun with Lou."

At his words Kid couldn't help but stiffen as the feelings of the last week came back to him full force. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Jimmy noticed the change in his friend and had to stifle a grin as he was fully aware of the reasons behind his stiff demeanor. "You know, it's been quite pleasant to work with her. She's a nice girl. You were right, Kid. I can see what you said about her." Kid remained impassive, looking dead serious and Jimmy added, "I imagine you won't want to swap places with me and let me supervise her from now on. I'd do it with pleasure."

Kid didn't find his comments amusing at all. "You two seem to be very chummy all of a sudden."

Jimmy shrugged his shoulders. "Not particularly. Just normal."

"Have you been hanging out together outside the hospital any more... like that day you happily went to that diner leaving me behind?"

Jimmy couldn't help but burst out laughing in his face. Kid couldn't be more obvious if he tried, and Hickok still felt in the mood to pull the strings a bit more. "Why, Kid. Are you jealous or what?"

"Don't talk nonsense! I'm not jealous or anything!" Kid exclaimed, losing his calm disposition. "I just find it quite strange that she herself offered to have dinner with you while she has been refusing my invitations all this time. That's all."

"Maybe she had her reasons," Jimmy continued in the same teasing tone while wriggling his eyebrows pointedly. "Do you want to know what we did after we left you?"

"Please don't bother yourself," Kid replied gruffly and turned to go, but he didn't get to walk a single step since Jimmy spoke behind him, saying something that left him stunned.

"We talked about you."

Kid swirled around in a flash, his eyes wide as saucers. "What? But what...?"

"Hey!" The sound of this joyful greeting cut the conversation off and it was then that they saw Louise stepping into the room. Kid turned round to see her smiling face as she exclaimed, "Welcome back!" Before he could react, Louise threw her arms around his neck, hugging him. "We missed you here!"

Kid stiffened awkwardly as he felt his body react at the contact with hers and with clumsy movements he managed to disengage himself from her hold. His mouth twitched into a broad smile, feeling absurdly happy on seeing her contented expression. "I'm definitely glad to be back."

"You don't say," Jimmy muttered under his breath, not missing anything of the exchange between his two colleagues. His amused words didn't reach the pair and he simply kept watching them with badly-concealed amusement.

"Guys, Emily just told me that Teaspoon wants to see us all before we start," Louise announced. "Shall we go?"

Both men nodded and Lou led the way outside the room. Kid was about to follow but stopped abruptly when Jimmy grabbed him by the shoulder. A questioning look showed in his features and Hickok said, "Kid, maybe I have no right to say this, but please be careful."

"What are you talking about?"

"Lou..." Kid tried to protest but Jimmy wouldn't let him. "Whatever you say, you can't fool me, my friend. I do know where that path leads... only to grief and disappointment. Lou isn't Sarah, fortunately, but you know her situation as well as I do."

Kid lowered his eyes. "I know what you're saying but it's not easy," he said with a weary voice and lifted his gaze back to his friend. "Thank you, Jimmy."

"What are you two doing?" asked Louise, storming back through the door, slightly annoyed when she had noticed that her two friends weren't following. "Come on, Teaspoon's waiting!"

Kid and Jimmy exchanged an amused look before walking behind her. "You know something, Kid? I'm glad you're finally back and can relieve me from her charge. All this bossing around of hers was sending me over the edge."

"Ha, ha, very funny, Jimmy," Lou piped in with an unhappy expression as she heard the comment followed by the laughter of her two friends behind. "You two should be ashamed of yourselves... making fun of a poor intern like me."

"We're just teasing you," Kid stepped in.

"Yeah, I know... Seems all you do is amuse yourselves at my expense," Louise continued. "Why don't you keep focused on the job and leave me out of your silly games?"

Jimmy leaned to his side and said in a whisper but loud enough for Lou to hear, "You see, Kid? So bossy!"

"I heard you, Dr. Hickok," Lou exclaimed in a mocking stern tone but finally he ended up smirking, exchanged an amused look with her colleagues and then he repeated, "Come on, Teaspoon's waiting."

When they got to their boss's office, Cody, Noah and Samantha were already there. The doctors exchanged greetings and as Teaspoon noticed that all his men and women had arrived, he motioned for them to sit on the chairs that his secretary had previously arranged while he stood behind his broad mahogany desk. "Ladies and gentlemen, good morning," he started, sweeping his eyes through each one of the doctors, "I've asked you to come here today because I've got good news."

"Why, that's something I haven't heard of for a while," Jimmy let out.

"What is it, Teaspoon?" Noah asked.

"As you all know, we've been working on a pretty tight budget for our research project. I've been trying for months and months to get more funds from dear old Uncle Sam. Noah, you know how many reports we have sent them and how many more refusals we've received. And well... it seems that after all our efforts they are finally going to pay."

"You mean they're going to give us the beans for our stew?" Cody asked in that particular way of his.

"Practically," Teaspoon enthused. "It's almost done. They're sending one of his guys to meet our team... a simple procedure. You know how these government people work. Just one final step and the subsidy is ours."

"So is this gentleman coming to the clinic?" Samantha asked.

"No, not even that. This... uh ... Mr. Harris wants to have an informal meeting over dinner tonight," Teaspoon explained. "I'm sorry for telling you at such a short notice, but I got word only this morning. I'm afraid I can't go myself since I have a very important meeting with the hospital director tonight. In any case, you'll be fine. He wants to meet all of you and there's already a reservation at a restaurant downtown... uh... I think I have the name somewhere." Teaspoon started rummaging among the papers on his desk, trying to locate the post-it where he had jotted down the name of the restaurant, and after a couple of minutes he gave up. "Never mind. I'm sure Ruth got the name and the address. Just ask her on your way out."

"Teaspoon?" Lou called hesitantly when he finished.

"Yes, dear?"

"You mean all of us have to go tonight?" she asked and when Teaspoon nodded, she insisted, "Even me?"

"Of course. You're part of the team." At his reply Louise pulled a long face and didn't bother to hide her discontent. She couldn't understand why she had to be included in this extra job when she knew very little about the research projects taking place in the clinic and wasn't even a proper doctor there, but just a shadow. "Something wrong, Louise?" Teaspoon asked as he noticed her grave countenance.

Louise didn't answer straightaway and after a few seconds she said, "You know my time after work here is pretty busy and today is really bad timing."

"Louise, we all have things to do and certain obligations outside this hospital. Don't go thinking you're exceptional," Samantha retorted in a tone that nobody would mistake for friendly. "We doctors have certain commitments to our career and there are sacrifices we have to make. If you're not ready to commit, you'd better step off this train and choose something more comfy."

At her words the male doctors shifted uncomfortably on their chairs while Louise breathed in deeply, trying to control the anger bubbling inside her. Teaspoon cleared his throat and before tempers flared up, he decided to step in, "Louise, what Samantha means is that this profession sometimes involves more than tending our patients. I imagine you also had to do this in Guam from time to time."

Louise nodded her head, feeling her anger diffuse after his small speech, but she still said, "You know, I've never been good at schmoozing."

"You'll have to learn then. Consider it part of your training," Teaspoon concluded and turning to the rest he continued, "I want this Harris to be impressed by my wonderful team, so please do whatever you have to and refrain from playing the fool."

As soon as the comment came out of the man's mouth, five pairs of eyes turned to look at Cody. "Hey, what are you staring at?" the blonde doctor exclaimed, his voice laden with obvious irritation. "You don't know half of what I'm capable. I'm a real gentleman, a smooth talker and after meeting me, that guy is gonna end up kissing the ground I walk on."

"Yeah, right," Jimmy replied sarcastically. "He's gonna want to adopt you and leave you all his possessions in his will."

"Or even better. He won't be able to resist your charm, Dr. Cody, and he is gonna arrange a cute apartment as your love nest," Noah added, joining in the banter.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen," Teaspoon called over the laughter, trying to resist the urge to laugh himself, "please leave the boy alone."

"Pure envy, that's what they have, Teaspoon. I'm used to these nitwits already."

"Dr. Cody," Teaspoon continued, "I'm sure your social skills are priceless, but please make sure you don't overdo yourself... just to keep on the safe side."

At his new comment everybody roared with laughter while Cody looked as if he was tasting a bitter lemon. Even Teaspoon joined his subordinates, flashing a crooked smile and after a few more seconds, he said, "All right, enough for today and time to start work. Your patients are waiting."

One by one the doctors filed out of the office to return to their respective duties. As they walked, Cody noticed Lou's disgruntled expression and said, "Come on, Lou. Cheer up. Think of this on my terms. You just need to show up, pretend you're interested in what this guy is gonna tell us and enjoy the beautiful food the hospital is paying for and that's it."

Louise had to chuckle. Cody had a way to make everything sound so simple; he was an easy guy to please. He was happy as long as food was involved and when it was for free, then it was a gold bonus to his personal list. "Thank you, Cody. You're truly a source of wisdom."

"Any time, Louise," he replied, not getting the edge of sarcasm in her voice and feeling a surge of pride all over him. "Any time."

* * *

Later that day the doctors came together to meet Mr. Harris, the man the government had sent to check the viability of investing funds in the obstetric department of the hospital. Like Teaspoon had said, the venue chosen was a very posh restaurant in the center of the city, the kind of place that served big plates with scanty food at astronomical prices, so you ended up as hungry as you were at the beginning but with your pockets completely empty. Mr. Harris was a middle-aged man, a bit older than Teaspoon, with receding white hair and a couple of beady eyes that seemed to notice every single detail around him. He talked for England almost matching Cody's verbosity but seemed quite affable.

Kid looked at the empty seat next to him. Lou hadn't turned up yet and after waiting for twenty minutes they had to start without her. Samantha hadn't lost the chance to hurl a caustic remark about her absence and Kid had to bite his tongue not to retort and make a scene in front of the man. He hoped she eventually showed up or otherwise, Teaspoon wasn't going to be happy at all. It was then that to his relief he saw her appear, walking behind a waiter and he couldn't help but smile. The waiter announced her when he got to the table and she apologized as she stood behind her empty chair, whose lush, velvety back almost reached her chin.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Harris. It took me longer than I thought to finish with a patient and when I left, the traffic was absolutely gridlock."

"You were working until now at the hospital?" Harris asked, something that Kid also wanted to know. After all, they had left the clinic together that afternoon and he wondered what she was talking about.

"Uh... no. I do some volunteer work a couple of days a week at the community center in my neighborhood... you know, helping people who don't have the means to get medical treatment."

Kid looked up at her with curiosity. Lou had never mentioned any of this and he was pleasantly surprised that she chose to spend part of her free time in such a philanthropic enterprise. "That's very generous of you, Dr. McCloud," Mr. Harris remarked and Kid noticed how Samantha snorted by his side, obviously annoyed that Lou's delay was causing the opposite effect that she had expected it would.

"It's no more generous than simply doing your duty," Louise replied at the man's comment. "I only see it as a way to maximize the resources you have been granted for the wellbeing of those who surround you."

"It's an interesting theory," Mr. Harris remarked thoughtfully. "But please, Dr. McCloud, don't stand there and take a seat."

Louise smiled and let the waiter pull out the stout chair for her. As she sat down and looked around, she felt very small in this luxurious setting. She noticed all the tables lavishly decorated with all the frills and completed with flowers and candles, creating a very cozy atmosphere. A quartet was playing mellow music on a stand at the far end and the soft murmurs of the people harmoniously filled the room.

"This is very nice," Louise remarked after giving her drink order to the waiter and as she turned her gaze back to the table, she realized that all her companions were looking at her with stunned expressions. Louise could guess that her simple attire contrasted greatly with the impeccable clothes everybody else was wearing. The men had their best suits on and Samantha had donned a smart beige dress that highlighted her voluptuous figure. Louise wondered why they had those expressions when they were used to the way she normally dressed. It was then that she noticed that all their eyes were fixed on her chest and as she looked down at herself, it dawned on her what they were all staring at: her T-shirt. Lou turned crimson as for the first time she read the big orange print on the black top she had on. _I'm a sex machine. Wanna try me?_

Louise smiled awkwardly and felt she had to say something before she died of embarrassment. "A sick baby... uh ... kind of made a mess of my blouse. I had to borrow this from one of the other volunteers. Her tastes are kind of ... peculiar." In her hurry to leave the center she had quickly put on the shirt without noticing its embarrassing print. Lou smiled again and added, "I better cover this up." Rummaging in her knapsack she had left on the carpeted floor next to her chair, she fished out a cardigan and put it on.

"Yeah, much better," Mr. Harris agreed with a serious face while the other men tried to stifle their laughter and simply grinned at their colleague amusedly.

After a few minutes the waiter brought their orders and they started eating while the conversation flowed smoothly. Mr. Harris sounded very interested in learning about the research being carried out at the clinic and also in the daily work of all the doctors.

Lou found herself following Cody's advice and she simply sat there eating and listening to the conversation around her half-heartedly. She really hated these pantomimes in which everybody had to be so proper and put on a show for the other part's sake. It was kind of pathetic but that was the way things worked.

At some point during dinner Harris addressed her, snapping her out of her mental isolation. "So Dr. McCloud, if I'm not wrong, you're doing a fellowship in the clinic."

"That's right."

"I also heard that you used to live in Guam until recently."

Louise nodded and the man started blabbering about how he had briefly lived on the island during his youth. For the first time Louise enjoyed his conversation, listening intently as the man shared some of those memories with her. However, as Harris chattered away and Lou watched him, something caught her eye behind the man. Just a few tables from theirs, a young figure sat, her body unconsciously boasting her stunning smile, her long blond hair and her beautiful eyes. Gracie, Charlotte's daughter, Lou thought as she recognized her. Definitely that little girl she had seen born thirteen years ago had really grown into a pretty young lady. Of course she looked three years older than her age, and Louise pondered that it was a shame that the innocence of childhood would pass so quickly. Gracie was probably dating boys already, something that wouldn't sit well with Charlotte.

Suddenly, a thought struck Lou as she became aware of her surroundings. How could a young girl like Gracie afford a place like this? Something told Louise that this looked very fishy and she was going to find out something she wouldn't like. A pillar stood in her line of vision, blocking the view of the person with Gracie. It was then that the girl leaned over to flirtingly whisper in her companion's ear. She was with a man and Lou's heart missed a beat when she caught a glimpse of his profile, an inner voice denying what her eyes had briefly seen.

"Dr. McCloud?" Harris called, noticing that her attention was somewhere else. "Dr. McCloud?"

It took him three calls for Lou to realize that her name was being uttered. She looked at the man, who was glancing at her with a strange expression, but Louise's mind couldn't care less what she had come here for since her whole soul was focused on the two people at the other table, so she simply said, "Excuse me."

Louise rose to her feet and to everybody's bewilderment she stealthily came behind the column and watched the table in question. There was no doubt about it. That was the man. Lou felt the hairs prickle on the back of her neck and her knuckles went white from squeezing the border of the column as she watched the man captured the girl's mouth in his while his hand groped her backside. The old feelings came back to her full force: the smell and the sensation that her whole body was covered in blood. Her hand automatically flew to her hair, thinking that with just a swipe she could clean the invisible red goo dripping from her head, but she lowered her arm again, realizing the ridiculousness of her acts. She was feeling very sick as the poignant, very real odor filled her nostrils, intoxicating her whole self. Her eyes continued fixed on the unaware pair and as a way to ignore the alarms going off in her own mind, she breathed in deeply and moved her lips, silently voicing an old formula of hers. This was not the time to freak out, but to stand up and act coolly.

Louise turned her eyes back to her colleagues and Harris, who were staring at her as if she were a mad woman. It was no wonder; she was acting like a total paranoid but she couldn't care less.

She marched back to her table and on reaching, she almost ordered in a demanding tone, "Could somebody call the police?"

"Lou, what's happening?" Noah asked the question that was in everybody's minds.

Louise didn't even make the slightest attempt to answer and on spying a cell phone on the table, she simply got hold of it and flicking it open she jabbed at the keyboard. "Good evening," Louise started when somebody answered at the other end of the line. "Dr. Louise McCloud speaking here. I'm calling to report a child molestor." She detailed the address of the restaurant and urged the operator to send the police as soon as possible.

Louise flopped down back on her chair and sat down sideways while keeping an eye on the pair at the table target of her attention. As her foot nervously tapped on the floor, she wriggled her hands over and over again in a frenetic way and her body jigged from side to side.

"What are you doing, Lou?" Jimmy asked again. Lou continued ignoring her colleagues but Jimmy insisted, "Don't you think you had enough with playing detective last week? You can't just meddle in matters that don't concern you."

Louise glared at him briefly and once again turned her attention back to the pair. Nobody spoke around the table as they tensely watched her strange behavior. She was running out of patience when the minutes passed and the police didn't arrive. Her stomach lurched at watching the little girl who she had practically seen growing up with that dirty man. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she jumped to her feet and stalked towards the table resolutely. When the young girl saw her rooted in front of her, her eyes became as wide as saucers and she hardly could find her own voice.

"Louise... I... I..."

"Gracie," Lou replied in a dead serious voice, "go to the table where a party of six people are sitting and don't move from there."

"I'm not going anywhere!" he girl exclaimed irritated. "You have no right to tell me what to do!"

Trying to avoid the man's intent stare, Louise turned a deaf ear to the girl's protest and she got hold of her arm and started pushing the girl forward.

"You have no right! You have no right!" Gracie was crying at the top of her voice, trying to break free with all her strength but to no avail. The odd exchange and loud voices drew the attention of every single soul in the restaurant and they all stared at the two women with curiosity.

Louise continued forcing the girl away from the table when suddenly she felt a big hand on her back from behind, which spooked her as if she had been scalded. Swirling around she almost fell but finally managed to stand on her two feet while she shouted, "Don't touch me!"

The man clucked his tongue in disapproval. "Louise, this is not the way to greet an old friend. Please stop making a fool of yourself and leave us alone."

"I'm not friends with your kind," Lou spat, her voice thick with contempt.

Free from Lou's grip, Gracie ran to the man's side and clutched his arm possessively. "How dare you meddle in my matters? You know nothing, nothing at all about what love between a man and woman is."

"Oh for goodness' sake, Gracie, don't be ridiculous and wake up!" Lou replied, glaring at the man, who had a satisfied smirk on his face. She was about to continue when another voice cut off her intentions, sounding behind her.

"Excuse me, sir. Is this lady bothering you?"

Lou turned to see the stuck-up maitre d' who was almost bowing to the man. "Actually she is."

"Ma'am, could you kindly return to your table? Otherwise, I'll have to ask you to leave. This is a well-reputed place and we don't tolerate this kind of bad-taste show."

"What?" Lou cried, not believing what her ears were hearing and her anger soared, which made her act blindly and without reason. "You know what, you ignorant buffoon? I have half a mind to report you and your so-called fine establishment for allowing this pedophile to lay his dirty hands on a child while you and your staff look the other way. As soon as the police get here, they're gonna know about this... mark my words."

While Lou had been roaring angrily, the man surreptitiously started towards the door, alarmed as he heard the word 'police'. When Louise noticed him scurrying away, he was already half way to the exit and she cried, "Hey, you!"

From his position at the table Kid had been watching the whole scene with utter bewilderment. He wasn't sure why Lou had got herself involved in all this, but he knew that it must be important for her or she wouldn't have made all this fuss. When he heard her cry and she made a dash for the man, as if by impulse Kid jumped to his feet and ran after the guy himself. Yet, when he reached him, the man must have been expecting something coming his way and without a preamble, he punched Kid on his chin with a powerful fist, making him fall on his backside.

"Kid!" Lou cried, swiftly running towards her colleague and avoiding the tables scattered all over the restaurant, and when she reached him, she crouched.

"I'm all right, Lou," Kid said, touching his sore face and letting her help him back to his feet. They both dashed to the door and from the threshold they spotted the man making his getaway down the street. From the other direction they saw the two policemen slowly making their way towards the restaurant and Lou tensely urged them, pointing at the fleeing man. The police officers then shot off after the man but he had already got in a car and drove off.

Back in the restaurant Lou later signed the written file for the police record as well as giving the few details she knew about the man. Gracie had refused to open her mouth in all this time and simply kept glaring at Louise while she despondently sat at a table by herself.

"Come on, let's take you home," Lou said and remembering Mr. Harris and her dinner for the first time after all this mess, she turned to him with an apologetic expression. "I'm very sorry for all this, Mr. Harris, but there are matters that just cannot be ignored. I believe that we have to make sure our children are spared suffering and protected from everything evil. I'm certain that if you have kids you'll understand what I'm saying."

The man simply tilted his head with a serious expression as the woman got ready to leave. "Lou, let me give you a lift," Kid offered.

Louise nodded, smiling in appreciation. The two doctors and the young girl walked out of the restaurant and it was then that Cody plastered a big smile on his face and as if nothing had happened, he asked, "So, Mr. Harris, where were we?"

The man let out a strange, stiff chuckle and said, "We better cut this whole thing short. I've lost my appetite and I'm not in the mood for anything else."

"We can go somewhere else... maybe to have a drink or two, and then finish our meeting," Noah suggested.

"I'd rather not," the man refused flatly as he rose to his feet.

"But we didn't get to talk about our matters," Jimmy insisted.

"I think I've heard and seen enough for tonight," the man concluded. "It's been a pleasure to meet you all… a very... uh... interesting dinner."

The man slid out of the place, leaving four unhappy faces behind. Like usual Cody was the one who finally broke the prolonged silence that had settled after Harris left. "Guys, we're in trouble. I'm afraid Teaspoon isn't gonna like this."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Kid drove his car in silence. Louise and the girl were sitting in the back and while Lou hadn't stopped talking and trying to make Gracie understand what had just happened, the girl hadn't said a single word. From her words Kid could figure out part of the story between Louise and this young lady. Apparently the mother of Gracie was a good friend of Lou's. They lived in the same neighborhood and had been close for years. As a matter of fact, Louise had been an almost permanent presence in all the steps this girl had taken in her short life. It was no wonder, Kid thought, that she had been beside herself when she had spotted Gracie with that man in the restaurant.

Kid glanced at the young woman and the girl through the rearview mirror in his car. Lou was silent now and he took this chance to ask, "Lou, we're going to the hospital, aren't we?"

"Yes, that's right," she replied between gritted teeth, her voice thick with restrained anger.

"I'm not going anywhere!" Gracie shouted angrily, making her presence known for the first time since they had left the restaurant. "I'm not seeing any damned doctors! You can't make me. You aren't my mother!"

Louise breathed out, tired of the girl's attitude. This long, hard day was playing havoc on her nerves and she tried to get a grip of herself before she flew off the handle. "Honey," she continued, making use of the last grain of patience she could grasp, "a medical report needs to be included in the police record. I persuaded the cops to let me arrange it since I'm a doctor. And we need to make sure that everything's all right with you." The last part of her words came out in a whisper, her tongue straining to utter the truth that she feared. She didn't want to imagine what that man had done to a girl like Gracie, who by her looks and behavior seemed so intent to show that she wasn't a child anymore and wouldn't understand what a dangerous path her foolish flirting with the wrong guy may take her on.

"You're crazy! I wasn't doing anything, but you had to stick your nose in something that doesn't concern you!"

Louise sighed. As she had foreseen, talking to the girl was proving to be very difficult. She just didn't want to hear reason. "Honey, I know you feel that having a relationship with an older man is exciting, vibrant, grand... but hear me here, this is all so wrong, so very wrong."

"Yeah, everything is wrong for you," the girl let out sarcastically.

"Gracie, that man only wanted one thing from you... he's nothing but an abuser."

"And what if I wanted that too? It's not like I'm looking for a fool to marry. I'm young and I just want to have fun, but I can't expect you to understand that."

"For goodness' sake, Gracie, you're only thirteen years old and that man is old enough to be your grandfather. He's a degenerate and for your information, he has a very long criminal record of sexual offences."

"How do you know that?" Gracie asked, glancing at her sideways.

Louise shrugged her shoulders, momentarily lost for words. "It's public knowledge...his name among other offenders is registered and available for anybody on the net. Besides, we've all heard nasty tales about him in the neighborhood and I know for sure they're not simply rumors."

Gracie lowered her eyes; for the first time the truth of her foolish acts shone before her eyes and she suddenly felt very ashamed. "Louise, please, I don't want to go to the hospital... Nothing happened between us, I swear."

Lou placed a finger under her chin and tilted her face towards her. "Is that true, Gracie?"

The girl nodded with a sullen expression. "We just kissed... a few times, but this was the first I agreed to go out with him... honestly. "

"Where did you meet him?"

"Just around. And then he used to wait for me outside my school. He always came with his nonsense, with his soft words and brought me trinkets and little presents. I didn't take him seriously at first and laughed my head off, thinking that he was a total bore, but then I don't know... the secrecy, the dark side of having a love affair made me feel special... as if I wasn't a child anymore."

"Honey, don't be so eager to grow up before your time," Lou rejoined softly. "Speed will only make you crash and we don't want that, do we?" The girl shook her head with a doleful expression as Louise continued, "This is a very sweet point in your life and you don't want to leave it behind so quickly. You'll have all the time in the world to do everything you want... for love and romance, and even have your heart broken a couple of times."

Gracie chuckled amused and said, "It's so strange to talk about these things with you."

"No more strange than seeing you in that getup," Louise replied, looking the girl up and down pointedly. "Where's the little girl that used to wear pigtails and ask me for a few coins to buy candy?" Gracie simply laughed while Lou shook her head melancholically, as the memories came rushing to her mind. Silence fell over them and after a few minutes Louise addressed her colleague, "Kid, could you bear a left at the next intersection? We're taking her home instead. I'll deal with the police tomorrow."

"Right away," he answered promptly, turning the steering wheel in the direction his friend had told him.

"Please Lou, don't tell my mom about all this," Gracie then begged as Kid drove into familiar surroundings, following Louise's indications. "I'll be good, please. I promise."

"Honey, we can't hide this from her. There's a formal complaint against this guy and you being under age your mother will have to act as your representative in case the police or the judge requires your presence."

Gracie didn't look very happy, fearful of the tremendous scolding and subsequent punishment she was liable to get as soon as her mom learned about this incident, so she insisted on trying to change Lou's mind, "You could always drop the charges."

"Never. Don't even think of that possibility," Louise refused flatly. "Or is it you want that creep to molest other girls? You were lucky but have you thought what could have happened to you if I wasn't in that restaurant?"

"I know," Gracie replied with pouting lips. She just wanted to forget about the whole matter and not get bothered anymore. She had learned her lesson, and wouldn't be so foolish from now on, so who cared about other girls? Despite her thoughts, she didn't protest and continued in silence, simply looking out of the window.

After ten minutes Kid pulled up in a wide avenue when Lou told him to do so. It was a dodgy area in the east of the city. The neighborhood was known to be inhabited by middle-class families and even though there was a time the place had enjoyed a reputation of being a peaceful and well-regarded zone, in the last years problems with vandalism, drugs and crime had flogged and condemned it to decrepitude. Where there once were attractive red-bricked dwellings, there were now just many derelict buildings and run-down houses, and the streets that used to be full of children playing and people of all ages strolling were now void of that special charm.

Gracie got out of the car followed by Louise, but while the girl stopped on the sidewalk, Lou came closer to the car, and stood in front of the driver's seat. She rested her folded arms on the window frame as Kid said, "I didn't know you lived in these parts."

"Yeah... just a few streets down from here," Lou replied, tilting her head in that direction. "Used to be a great place, but things change."

"Everything changes," Kid added, his voice tinged with an emotional quality.

Louise nodded and it was then she noticed the slight swelling on his jaw. "Oh Kid," she let out with an aggravated tone as her hand reached to touch his face. "Look at you. You should have a look at that and use an anti-inflammatory."

"I'm fine," Kid replied, moving his face out of her reach, the contact making him very jittery. "Honestly."

"Seems I always end up dragging you into my ventures." Kid shrugged his shoulders in indifference and Louise continued, "Thank you, Kid ... for everything." And out of the blue, to his utter surprise she leaned over and planted a quick kiss on his cheek.

The young man couldn't help but blush to the roots of his hair, silently chastising himself for behaving like a teenager that had fallen in love for the first time. It was simply a peck, but Louise had such a powerful effect on him that despite his firm intentions to get over his stupid infatuation he couldn't help behaving like a fool in love. All he hoped was that she'd never realize or he'd die of embarrassment. "I gotta go," he simply said as he started the ignition, engaged first gear and pulled out of the place.

Lou waved good-bye at him, standing next to the girl on the sidewalk and when Kid finally drove away, Gracie exclaimed, "He's so handsome."

Louise shifted her eyes to the girl with a stab of irritation while she said, "And old enough to be your father. Please Gracie, after today that is the last thing that should come out of your mouth." The girl pouted, internally moaning and thinking that Louise was making a mountain out of a molehill, but she knew that she'd better not say a word against it if she didn't want to make matters worse for her. The doctor passed an arm over the girl's shoulders and said, "Come on. Let's go talk to your mom. We have a lot of explaining to do."

Gracie nodded woefully and let herself be steered along towards a lane where her little apartment was, not looking forward to having that conversation with her mother. She had been a total fool for trying to play with that old geezer and now she'd have to face her mother whose fury could match the most terrible storms. Soon thunder and lightning would boom out of her apartment and with a little luck her mother would lift the impending punishment when she turned thirty.

The door opened after Louise had knocked. She slid inside and from the threshold Gracie heard her mother's cheerful voice when she saw her friend, "Oh my, hello, Louise! What a pleasant surprise!" There were a few more murmurs and then came the words that Gracie had feared all along, "So tell me, what's going on? I'll make us tea and you have to tell me everything."

Gracie sighed as she finally mustered her courage to get inside, an awed whisper left her lips. "Oh my."

* * *

The next day when Kid pulled into the parking lot at the hospital, he found Lou sitting on the edge of one of the huge flower pots scattered around the area. "Hey!" he called as he eased out of his car and locked it. Louise looked up from the book she had her eyes glued on and smiled on seeing him. Kid slowly padded towards her, grinning from ear to ear. "What are you doing here?"

Louise shoved the book into her knapsack and rose to her feet. "Actually, I was waiting for you."

"Were you?" he let out agog.

"Kid, I haven't been able to get a wink of sleep tonight," she exclaimed dolefully. "I know my behavior last night ruined the hospital's reputation before Mr. Harris. I know I couldn't have done something else in any case, but it's torturing me to think that it's my fault the clinic has lost the chance to get those funds from the government."

"You don't know that, Lou. What happened last night had nothing to do with this. I'm sure Samantha and the guys did a great job after we left."

"No, they couldn't." Lou replied with a pitiful tone. "Mr. Harris left shortly after us."

"How do you know?" Kid asked with a frown.

"Jimmy told me."

"Did he call you last night?" he asked again, the feelings that were so familiar to him lately hit him once again, but he tried to do his best to conceal this under a blank expression.

"No, I did. I was worried about all this business and I wanted to know how the night had ended. I know I'm just an intern, but still..."

Kid nodded with a serious expression and added, "In any case, Lou, you don't know whether Harris isn't going to give a positive report."

"On account of what? You were all thinking I was acting like a lunatic with all that spying and lurking about, and you do know me. And on top of everything else, I had to be late and flash that tasteless T-shirt in front of him." Kid had to chuckle at her words and after sending him a grim look she muttered, "Teaspoon's gonna want my head for this. He must be absolutely furious."

Kid slid an arm round her back, his hand squeezing her shoulder encouragingly. "Don't worry, Lou. Let me talk to him."

Louise's face lit up and tilted her smiling countenance up to him. "Would you do that for me?"

"Of course," Kid replied promptly as a little voice inside his head told him that he was ready to do anything she asked him, anything at all, especially if his reward was to watch her bright, beautiful face. Suddenly, he realized that she was too close, dangerously too close and once again he clumsily moved away, dropping his arm from around her shoulders. It was amazing how he always ended up making physical contact with her, most times unconsciously. Maybe it was a terrible force that drew him to her and then got him into these kinds of compromising situations, which were lately taking place more often than he'd like. "Shall we go, Lou?"

Side by side they marched towards the building, ready to start a new day at the hospital. They walked in silence and after stepping into the clinic and briefly greeting Emily, they continued their way upstairs. Today they had to use the stairs since one of the elevators was out of order and there was a crowd of people waiting for the other one. As they climbed the staircase, Kid asked, "So how did it go with your friend last night?"

Louise's face took on a bleak expression. "You can well imagine. Tears, shouts, sobs...all that and more. Charlotte didn't take it well at all. She was almost hysterical but Gracie didn't open her mouth in all that time."

"It's understandable," Kid conceded.

Louise nodded. "Charlotte is very protective of her daughter." she said and then she lowered her voice as she continued with the following piece of information, "She used to be a prostitute... you know, life's strife. When she got pregnant, she decided to leave that kind of living. It was then that we met and became good friends. She's been a father and a mother for that girl, so it scares her to death to think that by a mistake Gracie might fall in a similar trap to the one she had in her youth."

"It was lucky you were in that restaurant."

"Yes..." Louise answered bitterly. "I talked to the police today. They went to the guy's place and of course he wasn't there. If I'm not wrong, they're not gonna catch him. He… those fellas are too clever and use all kinds of ways to get away with their crimes."

"I'm sorry, Lou."

She shrugged her shoulders in calmed resignation. "The cops didn't tell me anything I didn't know. At least this will serve as a lesson for Gracie and hopefully from now on she won't trust strangers with bad intentions."

They relapsed back into silence as they continued towards the common room. As the air-conditioning in there had broken down a few days ago, the door and the tiny windows along the wall were opened through which Kid and Lou could hear the distinct voices of their colleagues as they came closer.

"It was so embarrassing I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me!"

"Please, Samantha, don't exaggerate things," Jimmy retorted, supported by the nods of all his other male colleagues.

"You all know last night she made a fool of herself and at the same time making fools of all of us," the woman insisted.

"Samantha, could you leave your personal problems out of your working matters?" Noah rejoined. "We all know you have a certain animosity towards Lou, but can't you remain impartial this once?"

"You had to admit she had a very good reason to make that scene," Cody added.

Samantha clearly sounded and looked miffed, seeing as all her colleagues had taken sides against her to defend Louise. She averted her eyes to hide her growing irritation and said, "I just know that if I were Teaspoon, I'd chuck her out. She's nothing but an incompetent and ..."

The tussle came to a halt when somebody cleared their throat and they noticed Kid and Lou at the door, whose expressions revealed that they had caught wind of what their colleagues had been talking about. For a few seconds a sepulchral silence fell over the room; Kid's face was red with a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment and Lou's cold eyes locked into the other woman's in a wordless challenge. She counted up to ten, breathed in deeply and finally pinned a smile on her face. Letting go of the doorknob she had been squeezing tightly, she slid inside and addressed the woman.

"Morning, Samantha. How are you today? Uh... you don't need to answer; I see you're perfect like always and so nice of you to share your wisdom with us this morning."

Lou mentally cringed as the comment left her lips. Her intentions of remaining indifferent came to nothing as her own irritation had finally won over her. Sometimes she thought she was still the same tomboy she used to be when she was at school and got into fights with other children when they picked on her siblings. More often than not she had returned home with her clothes torn and dusty, her face bruised but satisfied at restoring her pride. Somehow she was still that little girl and she'd have punched Samantha in the face if her senses hadn't stopped her. Over the years she had managed to control her temper but there were times when she almost had to make a supernatural effort. But there was something else here too; she knew that Samantha was right in her opinions to some degree; that was why she had been feeling so horrible all night long and feared the consequences that would come her way now.

As if responding to her thoughts, Teaspoon walked in, greeting everybody warmly. Her breath got caught in her throat and automatically she shared an intense and worried look with Kid, which was interrupted when their boss called their attention. Sitting down on one of the sofas, Teaspoon ran his eyes through his subordinates and adopting a very serious expression, he said, "I talked to Mr. Harris this morning. Whatever happened yesterday?"

The room remained silent and as nobody seemed eager to talk, Teaspoon directed his eyes to Lou and bluntly asked, "What did you do, Louise?"

"Teaspoon, let me explain..." Kid butted in but the older man wouldn't let him.

"I asked her, not you, Kid."

Louise told herself that she had nothing to be ashamed of. She had done what she thought was right, and she would defend her actions against anybody, and she couldn't care less about the rest. If the hospital decided to throw her out, then so be it.

"Well, Teaspoon," she started, "I found myself in the middle of a situation I just couldn't sweep aside."

To her utter surprise Teaspoon cracked a smile and said, "Whatever it was, you really impressed him."

"Did I?" Louise asked confused, eying her boss carefully to discern whether Teaspoon was actually mocking her in a cruel way.

"You should've heard him going on and on about what an upstanding woman you were and how delightful it is to find a person who puts their personal values over their interests."

"Are you serious?" Lou asked, not completely believing the man's words.

"As serious as death," Teaspoon replied, winking at the young woman.

"So did we cinch the deal?" Noah questioned.

"Absolutely. Congratulations to you all. Well done."

With these last words Teaspoon left the room, whistling a jolly tune. The other doctors cheered happily after hearing the good news while the two women made no attempt to join their colleagues' glee. Samantha promptly whipped out of the room, her gait showing her bad mood, and shortly afterwards, the rest followed suit. Only Kid and Lou lagged behind and as he noticed her bleak expression, he asked, "What's wrong, Lou? Didn't you hear Teaspoon? We got the subsidy, partly thanks to you."

"That was pure luck," Louise replied sourly. "Somebody else could have taken it a very different way."

Kid eyed her for a few seconds in silence, knowing that there was more than met the eye in her sad countenance, so he asked, "This has nothing to do with Harris or Teaspoon, does it? You're upset about what Samantha said, aren't you?" Her silence and sullen demeanor were enough to answer his question and he added, "Lou, she was wrong to say all that. You're an excellent doctor... caring, responsible, hard-working, and very efficient. I couldn't ask for a better assistant."

Louise gave him a small smile and replied with the same somber tone, "It's not so much what she said but why she said all that. I hate to be at the receiving end of her strange aversion. I've gone out of my way to be as nice to her as I can, but there's no use."

"Lou, not everybody can like you... that's a fact of life. Samantha's a peculiar character and with reason or not, she has taken a strong dislike to you. And the fact that you and I get on so well doesn't help things in your favor."

"I suppose not."

"So you know, if you want to smooth the road with her, we simply have to stop speaking."

Louise grinned sheepishly and said, "I wouldn't do that for anything in the world. You're stuck with me, Dr. Kydd." And changing her tone from teasing to serious, she added in a soft whisper, "You're a good friend to me... really."

Her words made him smile from ear to ear as if she were actually declaring her unconditional love instead of a wholesome friendship, but his head only understood that she valued their relationship as much as he did, which really meant the world to him. His cheeks felt hot and running his fingers thorough his hair nervously, he decided to change the conversation.

"I wouldn't worry about Samantha and her comments, Lou. Nobody takes her seriously and despite everything, she's actually harmless."

Lou nodded, relieved by his words, but even so, the matter still worried her. It was very awkward to know that somebody from the team hated her guts just for stupid jealousy. Kid was right, she had no power to magically cause Samantha to have a change of heart, but at least Louise wished those hostile feelings weren't so evident. It was clear that there was nothing she could do about it and she simply needed to ignore Samantha's malicious remarks and brush-offs. Lou cast a look at her colleague, who was staring at her with those deep eyes of his, and for some strange reason she felt uncomfortable all of a sudden and felt the need to change the tone of their conversation.

"Shall we start today's routine or are we to stay here all day?"

"As you wish, Ma'am. After you," Kid replied in that teasing tone that was so familiar between them. These moments of confidences and fooling around were absolute bliss for him; they were private for the two of them, excluding everything else. In his head there was no husband, no attachments, no ties, no complications, nothing, and even though he was aware that all that was a silly fantasy, a child's game, that was the only thing that brought a smile to his lips, the only thing that could comfort him. Only that.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Nobody saw her and nobody knew where she came from that day. The wind gusted strongly, roaring and howling in its very peculiar language and spooking everything and everybody in its way. Black sunglasses perched on her nose and a tight red dress lining her figure, she climbed the stairs to the clinic confidently, her high stilettos clacking on the marble surface of the steps. She crossed the door, went through the hall and headed straight for the elevator that would take her to her destination... heaven or hell.

* * *

Humming an old tune, Teaspoon ambled towards his office with a laid-back air and he politely greeted everybody he came across in his normally flamboyant way.

"Anything come up while I was away, Ruth?" he asked his efficient secretary as he approached her desk.

"A lady is waiting for you. I let her go inside," the woman replied as she also handed him the stack of letters she had got this morning.

"You mean a patient?"

"No, not a patient. She said she had something urgent to discuss with you... a family matter. You know I always send away anybody who doesn't have an appointment but I had the feeling that this time it wasn't an excuse. Mind you, I had never seen her before, but still...," Ruth replied, her index finger pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose.

"Well, I'd better go talk to her and then we can clear up our doubts," Teaspoon said and he was already turning away from the desk when he thought better of it and stopped. "Tell me, Ruth. When is it you're going into retirement again?"

The woman chuckled, used to the same routine every day. "Ten days from today."

"That soon?" Teaspoon exclaimed with a stunned expression. "Oh Lord, too bad... too bad indeed. What am I going to do without you, Ruth?" The woman had been his secretary for almost twenty years and now that her time to retire came, Teaspoon had too many problems to accept he would be without his loyal secretary very soon.

"You'll be fine," the woman replied with a smile. "That girl Mr. Cross referred to us... Jane... She's come a couple of times to learn the ropes and it seems she'll be a bright and driven worker."

Teaspoon didn't reply and simply turned from her. As he stepped into his office, he almost got startled by the presence of the lady who Ruth had mentioned but he had already forgotten about. The young woman rose from the chair she was sitting on and flinging her sunglasses off and perching them on top of her black-haired head, she asked, "Dr. Hunter?" Her heavily glossed lips formed a wide smile, showing her perfect white teeth while her black eyes seemed to sparkle with unidentified excitement.

Teaspoon nodded with a goofy smile. "Do I know you, Ma'am?"

The woman shook her head as she added, "My name's Amanda O'Connell and we haven't met before, but I do believe you knew my mother, Beatrice."

Instant recognition reflected on the man's face. "Beatrice? Yeah, of course... but that was many, many years ago."

"Thirty-one maybe?"

"Yeah, more or less," Teaspoon replied and motioned the woman to sit while he took a seat opposite her. "A daughter of Beatrice. You look exactly like her... beautiful. And tell me, how is good Beatrice?"

"She died last April," Amanda said, lowering her eyes to her lap.

The news caught Teaspoon by surprise and a pang of pain hit him hard. "I... I'm sorry."

"Thanks," Amanda replied. "At least she finally got her rest. She suffered her terrible disease for too long."

"Your mom was an excellent person. We were a couple of kids when we first met. I have many good memories of our times together."

"I'd love to hear about those memories sometime," Amanda remarked thoughtfully as her index finger played with the gold charm bracelet round her wrist. "Mom also talked about you often during the last months." Teaspoon smiled and Amanda lifted her big black eyes back to him. "You must be wondering why I'm here, Dr. Hunter. As you can well imagine, I haven't come all the way from Missouri to simply tell you about my mother's death."

"Please call me, Teaspoon."

"When my mother died, she left this for you," Amanda continued, producing a letter out of her purse. "It was very important for her that you get it."

Teaspoon took the letter from her hand and something in her eyes told him that she wanted him to read whatever was inside the envelope then and there. So he carefully ripped the letter open and started to read it. Surprise, shock and confusion pictured on his face as he ran his eyes through the handwritten words on the single sheet of paper. When he finished, he lifted his eyes back to the young woman and stared at her as if he was seeing an apparition. All of a sudden, Teaspoon seemed to have lost the gift of gab, which he was so well-known to have in abundance, and it was after a few minutes that the woman spoke up, "You seem very surprised."

"I gather you are familiar with the contents of this letter," Teaspoon said.

"I wrote it with my own hand," Amanda admitted. "Mom was too sick to do it herself, but it meant the world to her to say what she had to say. She dictated it to me word by word."

"Word by word," Teaspoon echoed with a blank expression, trying to digest what he had just learned. "I... don't understand. This is so confusing."

"The man my mother married and I called Dad wasn't my father... You are."

Teaspoon exhaled as her words somehow sounded more real even though they were a repetition of the ones he had read in the letter. "I... I didn't know... She never told me... I..."

"I know," Amanda replied. "Mom told me everything... how my grandfather didn't approve of you and eventually moved out of town to keep my mother from seeing you. He didn't even give her a chance to tell you. Then she found out she was pregnant and Granddad married her off."

Teaspoon nodded, his eyes bright with a special quality as all those bittersweet memories unfolded in front of him. "It took me months to discover where she had gone and when I went to find her, I never mustered the courage to even let her know I was there. I watched her from afar as she... very pregnant ... strolled around with your dad."

"I know she never loved him."

"So why didn't she tell me?" Teaspoon asked, annoyed, his tone higher than usual. "She knew where to find me and..."

"I don't know," Amanda said with a soft voice. "Mom wasn't a very strong woman and I guess she couldn't bear the thought of complicating your life and messing up her own as well."

Unable to sit still any longer, Teaspoon scrambled to his feet and turning his back to her, he covered his face with his right hand. "I'm speechless... I can't even think straight."

Amanda rose after him and said, "I haven't come here to demand anything from you. Honestly, Teaspoon. I just wanted to know you... to know my real father and make my mother's dying wish come true. I don't plan to disturb your life."

Teaspoon turned round to stand face to face with her. "Amanda, I know this is very awkward between us, but if you let me, I'd like to get to know you and catch up with what I've missed over all these long years."

The woman's face split into a wide smile and she added, "I'd love that too and I have the feeling we're going to get on well." And before he could react, the woman threw her arms around his arms and hugged him. "Thank you, thank you so much."

* * *

The rumble of voices mixed with the clanking of cutlery and the clink of plates rolled around the cafeteria like every single day. Sitting at a table next to one of the wide, curtainless windows lining the wall, Rachel was having lunch with Louise, Kid and Jimmy. Relaxing conversation flowed among the four of them, accompanied by continuous laughs, but suddenly silence had descended as they finished eating their lunch. Kid had hardly joined in the conversation and picked at his food absently while his thoughts wandered off to those corners of his mind that he was so familiar with lately. Lou eyed him curiously, wondering what was wrong with him, and spotting the chips left on his plate, she asked, "Kid, are you going to eat those?"

The doctor looked up, almost startled by her voice, and giving the plate a push in her direction, he said, "All yours."

Lou eagerly wolfed down the chips and Rachel couldn't help but grin. "Louise, for someone of your size you have a big appetite."

Lou shrugged her shoulders among giggles. "Unlike this one," Jimmy added, pointing at Kid with his thumb. "He seems to have lost his and I don't mean only today."

"It's probably just this blistering heat we're suffering lately," Rachel offered.

"No, it's not that," Jimmy replied before his friend's serious gaze, and leaning towards the two girls, he swept his amused eyes between the two of them and added, "Our friend is simply in love."

Kid silently glared at Jimmy while Rachel smiled gently, aware of what the dark-haired doctor was referring to. "Really, Kid?" Lou exclaimed, with a surprised expression. "Why haven't you told me?"

"Because it's not true," he answered with a hint of irritation.

"But now that you mention it, Jimmy," Louise continued, ignoring Kid's words completely, "I've noticed he's been acting kind of strange lately... as if he were absent all the time."

"The thing is, Lou," Jimmy carried on, talking to Lou as if the interested party wasn't present, "that he's very shy and the fool hasn't said a word to her yet."

"But why not, Kid?" Louise asked, turning all her attention to her supervisor and placing her hand over his in a tender gesture.

Kid removed his hand and awkwardly folding his arms over his chest. "Because there's nothing to tell," he replied roughly.

"He should tell her, shouldn't he, Lou?" Jimmy insisted.

"Jimmy, please, drop it," Rachel piped in, seeing that Kid was clearly uncomfortable and his face was so red that it seemed as if it would explode at any moment. Jimmy's words were a dangerous game and tempers could flare very easily.

"Of course you should, Kid!" Lou answered Jimmy's question, ignoring Rachel's words and gazing at Kid with wide eyes.

"Do you hear that, Kid?"

The doctor stared agape at the young woman, his heart pounding strongly in his chest. "There's no reason to be shy," Louise said. "You're a nice, smart man and should have a bit more confidence in yourself."

"Do you think so?" Kid let out in a whisper, locking eyes with her.

"Sure I do."

Unbeknownst to the pair, Rachel and Jimmy shared an amused look. "The problem is," he continued, "the lady in question is married."

At his revelation Lou's attitude changed drastically. Her smile froze on her lips and her eyes reflected a shadow of utter bewilderment. "Is she married?" Kid lowered his eyes and Lou added, "Well, that's another thing. Kid, you can't get involved with somebody who's not available. I know you're more intelligent than that. Remember what happened to Jimmy? That should have taught you something."

Kid lifted his eyes back to her brown ones, which were sparkling as they usually did when she felt strongly about something. He briefly shared a look with Jimmy, who silently conveyed a "you-see?" kind of expression and turning his attention back to Lou, he smiled awkwardly and said, "Jimmy was just pulling your leg."

Louise exchanged a glance with Rachel, who sent her a look of total innocence. "I should have learned by now not to believe a word you say," she exclaimed with an unhappy face.

"Don't get mad at me. You know what I'm like," Jimmy quipped with a crooked smile. "I was simply fooling around. But to tell you the truth, Lou, it's been proved that adultery is more common these days than faithfulness, especially if there's a hot woman involved." Louise stared at him dumbfounded, unable to believe that after what had happened to Sarah Jimmy could still talk so lightly about the matter. "A looker like that one," he concluded, his eyes directed towards the door and the rest followed the direction of his gaze. They saw an attractive woman step into the cafeteria followed by Teaspoon. "Rachel, seems your man has a fine taste for women."

"Shut up, Jimmy!" Rachel snapped, irritated. His comments were sometimes too inopportune and today he had pushed his luck too much with his veiled remarks about Kid and Lou. Except for the young woman, who seemed to be living in blissful ignorance, it was public knowledge for everybody else that Kid was smitten with his intern. Knowing Kid and his convictions, Rachel was sure that he would never come between Lou and her husband, but when in love, a man could forget everything and do something stupid. Jimmy's stunt had proved a point but his last comment about Teaspoon had been uncalled for.

Teaspoon scanned the room and as he located his woman and colleagues, he walked towards them, followed by the young woman. As he reached the table, he tilted his head in greeting and said, "My friends, let me introduce you to this lady." He turned to her and added, "Amanda, these three doctors here are Dr. James Hickok, Dr. Louise McCloud and Dr. Kydd, three of the best professionals you can ever come across, and it's not just a biased opinion." the woman greeted them and Teaspoon continued, "And this lovely lady is my... uh... Rachel Dunne, you know, I talked to you about her already."

"How are you, Ms. Dunne?" Amanda said and the blonde nurse-midwife acknowledged her greeting. Her eyes studied the woman from head to toe in silence, her impeccable clothes, her smooth skin, her jet-black hair, her perfect features... Even though it could be a ridiculous notion, Rachel tended to be wary of beautiful women.

"Rachel," Teaspoon called, his voice snapping her out of her thoughts, "could we step outside for a minute? I need to talk to you." The woman looked at him with curiosity and without a single word, she rose to her feet and the pair walked out of the cafeteria.

"Would you mind if I join you?" Amanda asked the three doctors and when they gave her the go ahead, she sat on the seat that Rachel had previously taken. Jimmy smiled at her and after a few moments of silence he said, "So... Amanda, isn't it?" the woman nodded and the doctor continued, "So, Amanda, are you and Teaspoon old friends?"

The woman cleared her throat and plastered a smile on her lips. "Actually, we just met, but he and my mom used to be good pals." As a way to avoid their scrutinizing looks, Amanda took out a compact mirror from her purse and started to touch up her make up. "I'm from Missouri and I want to try my luck here... find a job and settle in the city for a while."

"Are you married, Amanda?" Jimmy asked bluntly.

Amanda let out a peal of laughter and shoving the mirror back into her purse, she said, "No, I'm not married... Used to but I got the sense to flee out of it."

"Good," Jimmy exclaimed, sharing a grin with the woman and turning to his friend, he said, "You see, Kid? She's single... completely single." At his words Kid almost choked with the sip of iced tea he was taking and sent Jimmy an annoyed glare while Amanda glanced at the sandy-haired doctor with curiosity. "You see, Amanda, we have a slight problem here. My good friend Kid and I are going to a party tonight and one of the girls... Kid's date has come down with the flu." Kid stared at him agape, clueless at what his friend was blabbering about. "So since you're new in town, maybe you'd like to see some of our nightlife and make some friends."

Like Rachel had done, Louise was also studying the young lady. Amanda was an attractive woman, who clearly knew how to boost her own beauty with a few touches here and there. She seemed very worried about her looks and Lou could guess that she was the kind of woman men turned their heads to look at. Yet, something told her that Amanda wasn't the kind of woman a man like Kid would be interested in. During the couple of months they had been working together, Lou had got to know him quite well; he was a down-to-earth, bright man who wouldn't waste his time with just a pretty face and nice figure.

"Well," Amanda started, turning to Kid, "this is something he should ask me. Maybe I'm not the kind of woman he'd choose to hang out with in his free time."

Kid smiled awkwardly, feeling flustered as the woman batted her long eyelashes and flirtingly locked eyes with him. "Of course it'd be a pleasure to enjoy the company of a lovely lady like you." He knew that Jimmy had made up this whole story about the party and his date, and it was clear what he intended. Kid had to admit that his friend was right; he needed to forget about Lou, break their too friendly bonds and start meeting new girls... single girls. In reality Kid wasn't in the mood to socialize, but he believed he had to make the effort simply for his sanity.

"Then I'd be delighted to let you show me this city at night," Amanda replied with a wide smile.

Lou's face almost fell as she heard Kid's consent to the woman and she felt kind of disappointed in her friend. She thought that he'd seek the company of another kind of woman. From their conversations Louise had got the idea that he was the kind of man who wouldn't care to flirt with the first pretty face that he came across. Sometimes he had shared with her his hopes and wishes of getting steady with a good woman and in a future having his own family. So what was all this now? Of course Lou had to admit that she didn't know anything about this woman and she and Kid were just going to a party, not to their wedding. Yet, by the way Amanda was looking at him, Lou could imagine that she would want more than a dance with him. This was just how life worked, Lou thought, but still...

Jimmy noticed the strange expression on Louise's face and said, "Lou, you're also welcome to join us."

"No, thank you," she replied curtly. "I can't."

"Like always," Jimmy replied sarcastically.

Lou gave him a black look, which the dark-haired doctor held cockily without turning a hair. Shaking her head to clear her mind of all this nonsense, she shifted her attention to Amanda. "Nice meeting you. And if you excuse me, I need to go."

With a brief look at her colleagues she rose to her feet and walked away. On her way to the exit she passed Teaspoon who returned to the table on his own. He made a humorous comment like usual, which put a smile on her lips and then she continued to the door. As she left the cafeteria, Rachel was in the hall, drinking from a water fountain.

"Are you coming up with me, Rachel?" Lou asked her and the woman nodded, wiping her mouth with a Kleenex.

They walked in silence for a while. Rachel looked thoughtful and absent, and even though Lou noticed her change of mood from just ten minutes before, she refrained from asking her. It was after a few minutes that Rachel blurted out, "I think Teaspoon's up to something."

Louise turned to look at her friend. "What do you mean?"

"He came just now to let me know he's booked a table at our favorite restaurant for tonight... He has something important to tell me."

"That's very nice of him, isn't it?" Lou added, not understanding what her friend found so strange.

"Yeah, it is, but ... he was acting very strange... nervous and even stammering. Have you ever seen Teaspoon speak with a stutter?" Louise smiled at her comment and Rachel continued, almost talking to herself. "I wonder what he wants to talk to me about."

Suddenly, a thought struck Louise like a revelation and she stopped dead in her tracks as she exclaimed, "Oh Rachel!"

"What?"

"Teaspoon...he's going to propose to you! I know it's that!" Lou said excitedly, squeezing her friend's hands in hers.

"No, I ... I don't think so," Rachel let out with a tiny voice.

"Of course he is, Rachel! Why would he go to the trouble of taking you to a fine restaurant just to tell you something he could at home?"

"I don't know, Lou," the blonde woman replied hesitantly but little by little her friend's words started to make sense in her mind. Teaspoon had sounded and looked very jittery now and before walking away, he had even told her how much he loved her, which she had found very strange. As a matter of fact, he wasn't the most effusive man in his words of love. Other than that Rachel couldn't complain; Teaspoon always showed her what she meant for him in many other ways. He never forgot her birthday, their anniversary of their first date or any other important dates, he was very generous, showered her with presents and flowers and the passion he put on their intimate moments would be worth bragging about. Yet, a man who had a reputation for being a smooth talker was sparing with his I-love-yous. It was true that lately he seemed to be especially affectionate, always ready for a cuddle or as he called it, a good squeeze with his lady. "You know he's all against getting married and the matter never comes up between us," Rachel stated, trying to convince her that she couldn't get her hopes up.

"He's a clever man, Rachel, and you don't have to be a genius to guess what's in a woman's heart," Lou insisted.

"Am I that transparent?" Rachel let out with a wry expression.

"No, not really, but we women have a sixth sense sometimes," Lou replied, and Rachel had to smile, silently thinking that Lou's sixth sense definitely wasn't working with Kid. The woman was blind about something that everybody else could see. "Rachel," Louise continued, "I have the hunch that you're gonna be pleasantly surprised and I'll be so happy for you!"

"I'm still not sure that's it," Rachel replied and then a mischievous smile appeared on her lips, "but then I can't think of anything else he'd want to tell me. If it were work-related, he'd have told me here in the clinic..."

"You see?"

Both women stared at each other for a second and then burst out laughing. Lou hugged her friend and then they continued their way to their respective venues, both smiling from ear to ear.

After a brief visit to the restroom, Lou marched towards the surgery. Kid was already there, which told her that her conversation with Rachel had delayed her more than she thought. No sooner did she step inside than he said in a serious tone, "Where have you been?"

"Rachel and I..."

Before she had time to explain herself, Kid cut in, "Excuse me, Lou, but I'd recommend from now on you stick to your obligations and chit chat just in your free time."

"What?"

"This is a hospital, our workplace, not a social club to chatter away our time, all right?" Kid continued in the same stiff tone.

Lou looked at her colleague, expecting him to burst out laughing at any moment. It wasn't the first time he had pulled that stunt and on other occasions they had had a good laugh. Yet, now his face remained impassive and he didn't turn a single hair as her eyes scrutinized his steely ones. "What's wrong, Kid?"

He cleared his throat and looked away. "Go to room number 6 and get ready for a delivery," he ordered without meeting her eyes.

"And you...?"

"You can do it alone. It's high time you shouldered your responsibilities, not just play along."

Kid still didn't turn to meet her questioning eyes. Louise had no idea why he sounded so mean all of a sudden. They had been joking and laughing at lunch, and even though he had looked a bit glum, this was very different. She stood there, confused and speechless, and then he looked up and urged her in the same unkind tone, "Are you going or do I need to draw you a map? We don't have all day."

Lou simply nodded and with very slow steps she started off towards the door. She stopped at the threshold and directed her eyes to him. His back was turned as he furiously typed at his computer. She felt the urge to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat. He was simply having a bad day, she told herself, and had simply vented his bad mood on the person he had at close range, that is, her. Later he'd surely regret his roughness and would come apologizing. It was no big deal; from time to time the effects of stress came up to the surface and Kid was no immune. Despite the logic of her explanation, Louise strangely felt a slight hint of sadness as she finally left the place behind.

As soon as she was gone, Kid closed his eyes and pressed a hand against his forehead. On the screen of his computer he had seen the reflection of her sad figure and it had almost broken his heart. Today at lunch he had understood what a big fool he was for having allowed himself to get entangled in this dangerous spider web. Jimmy had made him realize that Lou was completely out of bounds, forbidden. It was stupid to think otherwise. He had to do anything to cast off and have a strictly professional relationship with her and avoid any further contact. Kid knew that he had been too mean just now and had gone too far, but he was unable to look at her face without having his heart surrendered, broken, slashed, quartered. How could he remain friendly and cool about it? Even though it consumed him, broke him inside, he needed to cut their ties loose and refocus his perspectives. Tonight he had a date with that woman, Amanda. Maybe it would do him good. There were many fish in the sea; he wouldn't catch an already captured one, so he'd better throw his nets somewhere else. Louise was history, no more fooling around, nothing more.

* * *

Rachel smiled coyly at the man sitting opposite her. She was feeling in very high spirits and after her conversation with Lou, he was starting to believe that Teaspoon was actually going to pop the question. Since they came out of their place, he had been acting very weird, treating her as if she were a queen and continuously letting out a suspicious, nervous laugh.

They were in a bucolic setting. It was the restaurant where they had had their first date years before and that was the reason why it had such a special meaning for the two of them. The place had a back patio where they were having their dinner. Sitting under the stars, the couple were enveloped by the fresh aromas of azaleas and primroses as well as the chirping of nightingales. The soft lighting in the patio was the last touch to create a perfect environment for a romantic encounter.

As they ate their dessert, Rachel eyed Teaspoon flirtatiously. The wine that they had tasted that night was making her feel light-headed and sexy. Resting her intertwined arms on the table, Rachel leaned her body slightly towards her man and said, "So what was that important matter you wanted to talk to me about?"

Teaspoon cleared his throat and didn't reply straightaway. He had been dreading this moment all evening; there was nothing to be ashamed of but he wasn't sure how Rachel was going to take the news, something which made him very nervous. "Uh...honey, do you remember that young lady... Amanda O'Connell?" Rachel's face fell at his words. Had he brought her here to talk about another woman? "You see... seems we... me and her... share something ...uh... important. You can imagine that it was unexpected... something I didn't expect at my age. Who would think that a beautiful, young woman like her and me could be...?"

Rachel couldn't control her rising anger anymore and cutting him off roughly, she snarled, "Are you telling me that you and that hussy are lovers? How dare you to throw all that crap in my face in a public place no less?"

As she spoke, her fingers squeezed the border of the table tightly and she made an attempt to rise, ready to dart off, but foreseeing her intentions, Teaspoon stopped her by resting a hand on her shoulder. "For goodness's sake, Rachel, will you calm down! How could you think something like that from me?" She remained seated there unwillingly and glared at him furiously. "What I'm trying to say," Teaspoon made a brief pause to breathe and then said, "What I want to say is that Amanda is my daughter."

Surprise, shock and bewilderment showed in Rachel's features instantly and she was only able to let out clumsily, "Your what?"


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"It can't be that bad, Rachel," Emma said, trying to appease her very distraught friend who had been going on about the same thing for more than ten minutes.

Five days had passed since the night she had learned the truth about Teaspoon's surprise. She had tried to hide her bitter disappointment and act coolly even though she had been burning inside. Her wish to join her life to Teaspoon in a proper sense were so strong that she had actually believed that he had intended to propose that night. Nothing was further from his intentions. All he had wanted was to find the easiest way to drop the bomb about his long-lost daughter. Rachel knew she had no right to feel angry about it. All that had happened many years before she and Teaspoon had even met, and moreover, he had been completely clueless about the whole matter. Yet, Rachel couldn't help but feel very upset. She wanted to be the one to give Teaspoon a family... her and nobody else, but right now that didn't matter anymore.

"It's unbearable, girls!" Rachel exclaimed as her eyes darted between Emma and Lou. It was early in the morning and they were having their first coffee of the day while Rachel poured her heart out. "He just goes on and on... never stops... Amanda this, Amanda that... Urgh, I'm sick and tired of hearing her freaking name! And then he spends all his time with her. You know what he's like, Emma. Normally I almost have to use hot water to unglue him from that darn sofa at home to do something else other than being locked in that house... and now he hardly ever spends time at home, just to sleep. He's gone out with her more in the last few days than we have in the years I've known him."

"Then why don't you go with them?" Emma asked.

"I tried... believe me... I joined them a couple of times," Rachel replied in the same excited way. "Do you know the expression 'three's company'? Well, in our case the saying is an understatement since I don't even count as a number in their team."

"I think you're exaggerating, darling," Emma pointed out.

"I assure you I'm not. They're always giggling, tittering, and talking in low tones about people whose names I've never heard. For goodness' sake, a week ago he didn't know she existed and they already have a common ground I'm not privy to! I can't believe it!"

"Honey, I'm sorry to disagree but they share more than common ground... they're father and daughter."

"Father and daughter!" Rachel snorted. "I don't know about that. He should have undergone a paternity test, but is he interested? No, sir. A grown-up woman who he doesn't know the first thing about appears at his door, calling him daddy and what does he do? Only a fool would open his welcoming arms to her without doubts and Teaspoon has proved to be the biggest fool in the whole world and part of the universe."

Louise heard Rachel's angry speech in silence. Most of her friend's opinions were basically unfair, but she had a right to be upset about the mater. Lou imagined that it wouldn't be a piece of cake to learn that in his youth her man had a child by another woman even though that woman was dead and buried. Louise was feeling terrible for her and especially for leading Rachel to believe that Teaspoon was going to propose that night. The nurse-midwife had got a bitter disappointment indeed; there was never a marriage proposal but very disturbing and bewildering news.

Lou felt that she was partly to blame for arousing her friend's hopes for nothing. When would she learn not to stick her nose in matters that didn't concern her? She always ended up in hot water for that meddling spirit of hers. All she needed was to stay out of others' business, especially when nobody asked her to involve herself. That is what she repeated to herself almost every day... what everybody told her, but for some unspecific reason she couldn't resist the strong force that pulled her with the result of getting herself or others in deep trouble. That is what had happened with Rachel. Her and her big mouth! Logically Lou had apologized to Rachel for this mess but her friend had disregarded the whole thing. Despite everything, Lou still felt terrible and as she listened to Rachel rant, her mood became more and more subdued.

Lou missed most of the conversation as the thoughts had flooded her mind, and when she shifted her attention back to her two friends, Emma was saying, "Rachel, forgive me for saying this, but you're suffering from a very critical case of jealousy."

"Of course I'm jealous! I'm practically being robbed from my man in my very face and I don't even have the right to be jealous! I know it's pathetic." Emma smiled at her, stroking her back encouragingly. "And if all this wasn't enough, here comes the last straw. He's offered her to stay with us while she looks for a place of her own in the city. She's moving in tonight."

"It will only be for a few days," Emma pointed out.

"I wish," Rachel breathed with a sullen expression as a sigh escaped her lips.

In that moment the door opened and Kid plodded inside. "Morning, ladies," he greeted and the women reciprocated the gesture, except for Lou, who simply watched him in silence. He started making small talk with Rachel and Emma as he drank a cup of coffee.

Louise stared at the three of them with a heavy heart. In the last few days she had dragged through with a dented spirit. Kid had changed and for some reason unknown to her lately he treated her in a rather cold and unfriendly way. At first, she had thought that he was simply going through rough times and his mood was logically suffering that strain. Lou hadn't minded his moodiness but then she had realized that wasn't it. Kid reserved his gruff and sometimes unkind treatment for her alone and he was as friendly as always with everybody else. Louise just didn't understand. Now Kid simply talked to her about work and even then, he sounded tense and stiff, and whenever she tried to spark some conversation, he ignored her completely and didn't even bother to answer her. Louise had tried to ask him what the problem was, but he never responded to her questions, which left Lou very frustrated.

Samantha had now joined her colleagues in the conversation and Lou noticed her eyes looking at her with a triumphant air. Their chat came to a stop and Kid then turned his eyes to Louise for the first time since he had entered. His smile vanished at once and when he talked, his voice sounded strained and dead serious. "I have a meeting in a few minutes. You start with the patients and I'll join you when I finish." Lou nodded and kept staring at him with a sullen countenance. Their eyes met briefly and Kid continued with a tense voice, "You hear me or is it your plan to sit here all day? There's work to do and Mrs. Spencer's coming at nine sharp."

Lou sent him a hurt look; she didn't deserve any of this in front of her other colleagues. What pained her most was to see their good relationship crumble down and she didn't even know what had caused it to fall apart. As Louise jumped to her feet, Samantha was grinning with a satisfied air.

"Louise, you're simply hilarious. You make me laugh," she said, throwing her head backwards and cackling exaggeratedly. "Shouldn't you have learned your obligations by now? It's not so difficult. You're a qualified doctor and I've always believed that you need a good head on your shoulders for that, but maybe it's not so in all cases... at least not in yours," she added sarcastically.

Louise didn't bother to stay and listen to her catty remarks, so she stalked out of the room before her colleague had finished. Samantha snickered and turned to share a look with Kid. Like everything going on in the clinic, it was public knowledge that Louise and Kid had stopped flaunting that 'best pals' badge and they didn't have such a close rapport to say the least, which filled Samantha with great satisfaction. As her eyes flickered to Kid's, she was surprised to find his face contorted with anger and glaring at her.

"What the hell was that, Samantha?"

"What?"

"I'm sick and tired of you hurling those remarks about Lou every other day," Kid snarled angrily. "Louise McCloud is a committed, hard-working, intelligent doctor and apart from all that, she's an excellent person, which is something I cannot say about you! So please from now on refrain from saying anything about her, understood?"

"Go to hell... both of you!" Samantha retorted, her black eyes shining with fury and without another word she stamped out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind her.

Kid shook his head ruefully. Samantha was lately showing a very nasty side, which had baffled all of them. At the beginning he had thought that she had taken this intense dislike at Louise out of jealousy but it didn't make sense right now. She had started going out with a young pediatrician from the hospital and even though she had stopped making passes at Kid, Samantha seemed adamant not to leave Lou alone.

After a few moments Kid started to rummage in his briefcase, trying to locate his planner and the reports he needed for his meeting, but stopped his search when Rachel spoke up, "For someone who defends Lou so ardently you have a funny way of showing her your appreciation."

Kid glanced at her with a frown and asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Kid, you don't need to play dumb with us." Rachel continued. "We have a certain idea ... or at least suspect what you're going through but this isn't the way to sort out things with Louise. It's not doing you any good and logically it's not doing her good either."

Kid shifted his eyes between the two women and feeling lost with words, he simply said, "I...I have to go. I'll talk to you later." He picked up his papers and documents and just dashed out as if the devil was after him.

Rachel and Emma shared a knowing look. "I'm very sorry for him," Rachel muttered. "We've all mocked him about Louise but I think there's nothing there to laugh about. Lately he looks like when Doritha first left him."

"I wouldn't worry, Rachel. He'll get over her," Emma replied. "This is very different from that time. He's just known Louise for a couple of months and as far as I know, nothing's ever happened between the two of them. He will come round eventually."

While the two nurse-midwives were discussing him, Kid slowly shuffled towards the conference room as thousands of thoughts invaded his mind, or more specially a single one which didn't leave him alone at any time of the day: Lou. She was stuck in his head and he felt unable to do anything to remove her from his mind, and more importantly, from his heart. The last few days had been a living hell as he had tried to put into practice his intentions of keeping a strictly professional relationship and avoiding any extra contact with her. Kid knew that he was hurting her with his unkind attitude and every time he showed her what a jackass he could be, his heart shrank with sheer pain and shame. On top of it all, his actions were proving to be ineffective so far and all this was taking him nowhere.

Nothing seemed to work, and he hadn't even had a respite when he had gone on that date with Amanda. That night he hadn't been in his best mood and the woman had caught his apathy straightaway. She and Jimmy, though, had hit it off straightaway and the night had ended with his friend and his date leaving together after Jimmy had ditched the girl he had gone out with while Kid had left the club for his apartment all alone. Actually, it hadn't bothered him any that Jimmy had snatched away the date he himself had arranged for Kid, or that they had spent a passionate night, which Jimmy had described to him in detail the following day.

All he now cared about was to get over Lou. Despite his reluctance to admit it even to himself, deep down he knew that his feelings for Lou went beyond a simple crush. He tended to disguise the truth using all kinds of euphemisms but in fact, what he felt for her was very real and strong. It wouldn't be easy to erase all that and go back to being the same man he was two months ago. Rachel and Emma were definitely right. All this matter wasn't doing him good at all. He was miserable all the time and what he missed about her the most was paradoxically her friendship. If there was a way to keep her as a friend and at the same time find the cure to his heart, then he wouldn't ask for anything else; he would be perfectly content. Yet, all he had managed to do was to act like a cruel moron and if things kept going this way, Lou was going to wind up hating his guts and he was going to lose her in every sense of the world. Could there be someone more stupid?

* * *

Later, the day found Kid and Lou in their usual environment, his office. She was in the process of telling him about the patients she had treated while he had been in his meeting. Kid's answers to her questions and comments were short and to the point, and like lately whenever she tried to make a light comment, he just kept a serious countenance and didn't even say a word.

"Would you like me to enter these data and modifications in the computer?" she asked.

"Yeah, you could do that."

Louise nodded and swiveled the chair towards the computer, so her back was turned to her colleague. She started typing and from behind her, Kid studied her. His eyes traveled from her short-haired head to her slender shoulders passing by her white neck. She looked so petite and vulnerable, Kid thought. It was amazing how strong spirited she was for such a small woman. She never ceased to baffle him and every single day he learned a new thing that made him fall in her trap deeper. If she only knew how much she meant to him and how terrible he felt when he hurt her with his new attitude. Why couldn't things be easier? If she didn't have a husband, things might work between them. Of course he knew that their professional relationship made the situation more complicated but that would be a lesser evil if she were only single. His eyes focused on her neck, on her skin… so pale, and so soft-looking, so perfect. He'd give his soul to the very devil to just feel her skin with his hands, to touch her beautiful neck with his lips, to love every inch of her body with his whole being. The intensity of his desires was so strong that he felt like crying … literally.

His eyes misted slightly at the same time Lou announced in a sing-song voice, "Done!"When she swirled back round in her chair and noticed how bright his eyes looked, her forehead creased into a concerned frown and asked, "Kid, are you feeling all right?"

He quickly rose to his feet and turning his back to her he replied, "Fine… just tired."

Louise stood up after him and walking the steps which kept them apart she put herself in from of him and fixed her gaze into his eyes. "Then let me buy you a nice cup of coffee and one of those mouth-watering doughnuts from the cafeteria. We still have a few hours ahead of us and need to refill our energy." Louise smiled, but his face remained stony and impassive.

"No… I'll just pop into the common room and have a quick coffee. That'll have to do."

Kid headed for the door but Lou quickly dashed for it and placed herself before it, resting her back against its wooden surface and thus blocking his way out. "Kid, what's wrong? And please don't ignore me this time because I won't accept it. I think I deserve an explanation at least."

"I… I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you do!" Lou stated in a loud voice. "Snubbing me, brushing me off, and treating me like garbage! Does it ring a bell?"

Kid turned round from her once again but Lou wasn't giving up this time and followed in his steps. They were going to talk about what was bothering him whether he liked it or not. "I thought we were friends, Kid, good friends. If I did something wrong or if I offended you in any way, please forgive me. Whatever it was, I never realized. You know I would never hurt you on purpose."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Kid replied awkwardly, feeling trapped and unsure of how to get out of it.

"You have a problem with me and don't deny. We won't leave until we solve our matter," Louise insisted. "Please Kid, what's wrong?"

Her sad face expressing how upset and distraught she was about the whole matter pulled at his heart. He couldn't bear seeing her look so low, so he tried to smile as he said, "Forgive me, Lou. It won't happen again, I promise."

His words didn't manage to put her off and she was still determined to find out what all this was about. "What is the problem, Kid?" she repeated, folding her hands over her chest in a stubborn pose.

"It's … it's nothing."

"What is it, Kid? Please," she almost begged.

Her insistence made him feel cornered and without being fully aware of his words, he blurted out in a loud voice, his eyes darting into hers, "The problem is I love you, okay!" As soon as his declaration of love was in the open, Lou's face flamed in a mixture of shock and embarrassment. Likewise, Kid was flustered and troubled since he had never intended for her to find out about his feelings and the words had dropped from his lips almost unconsciously. So now that he had spilled the beans, he felt he had to tell her the rest. "I know this is unexpected and I swear I don't want to cause you any trouble."

Louise was still completely bewildered and was having a hard time digesting all this new information. She had never suspected that Kid could harbor that kind of feelings for her. It was true that now that she brought her mind back to the last couple of months; she could now identify some small gestures that she had disregarded before like his intense looks, how easily he blushed or his strange facial expressions. Lou kept staring at him with wide eyes; she could hardly find her own voice and after a while she started, half-stammering, "This… this is very flattering, Kid. I'm sorry to hear you feel that way, but I'm afraid we can't be more than friends."

"I know," Kid replied miserably. Now that he heard the refusal from her lips, the pain coursing throughout him was almost physical. "I know you're married and I've never wanted to come between you and your husband. Honestly. I hope at least we can still be friends. I'll keep my feelings in check. "

"You don't understand, Kid. It's not because of that. I don't have a husband."

"You don't have a husband?" he echoed in confusion, a little ray of hope shining at the end of the black tunnel. His heart began pounding in his chest in eager anticipation.

"I've never had a husband."

"So then if you could just give me an opportunity, I…"

"Kid, no," Louise cut him off, shaking her head. "It can't be."

"Is it because there's another man?"

"No, it's not that," Lou inhaled deeply, tired and very uncomfortable with the conversation. She needed to explain the rest and then he'd understand the reasons for her refusal.

Kid was still confused about the bit of her having no husband or another man when suddenly a logical explanation flashed before his eyes as his mind pondered about her unorthodox ways and appearance; even though she was very pretty and had an attractive body, she sometimes looked like a teenage boy more than a grown up woman. Her hair was cut very short and she always wore loose jeans and T-shirts, never skirts or dresses, and her face never had any makeup on. And then it was the strange matter of her wedding ring, which she kept on her locker and put it back on her finger after work without fail. He usually had great difficulty to talk about these issues directly, but the conversation was already too surreal and he wasn't feeling quite himself, so before she could continue, he blurted out, "Is it because there's another woman?"

"What? Oh God!" Lou exclaimed, unsure whether she should laugh or cry. This was the strangest situation she had ever found herself in. She wanted to settle the issue once and for all, and she said, "Look, Kid. I'm not a lesbian. I'm not in a relationship and I don't want a relationship with anybody."

"And that includes me," he replied matter-of-factly.

"Yes, that includes you," Lou replied in a soft voice.

"There's not even a hope… a tiny little hope, Lou?" Kid insisted, resorting to anything.

Louise shook her head. "I'm sorry." It broke her heart to do this. She was actually very fond of Kid and she didn't like hurting him. With every negative she uttered his face darkened and with the last one he looked absolutely miserable. It was her who had sunk him, willingly or not. Lou chastised herself for being so naive and not noticing before. If she had, she'd have dropped hints here and there to let him know that he shouldn't delude himself. "Kid," she continued softly after a while, "there's something you don't know, which will make you understand some things about me. I…"

Suddenly, his pager started to beep loudly and Kid took it out of his packet and had a brief look at it. "An emergency C-section. Let's go," he announced with a serious countenance.

Their conversation had to be cut short but he felt he had heard enough already. The two doctors quickly dashed towards the operating room. After getting changed into her scrubs, the pair started the job along with Jimmy. Kid worked in silence, breaking it just to give instructions to his colleagues. Not once did he look up or direct his eyes toward Louise. She could tell by the way his shoulders slumped and his hands moved that he was very upset. She wished she could be done with this surgery soon and then she could talk to Kid. She needed to explain a few things, to let him see that she wasn't just an insensitive and hard-hearted witch who didn't give a hoot what he felt. Of course she cared… very much. Kid was a good friend and she'd hate to lose his friendship because of this matter.

A wail from the newborn made her smile. It was a girl, strong and healthy. Kid passed the baby to the nurse and for the first time he looked up from the patient to his colleagues, directing his eyes to her. "You and Jimmy close up."

Kid shambled out of the room before Lou had the chance to say anything. With a heavy heart she briefly stared at his somber, retreating figure, until the swing door shut behind him and she had to refocus her attention on the woman on the operating table.

Still with his scrubs on, Kid shuffled into the men's restroom. He felt as if the whole world was pressing on his head and he hardly had the energy to bear it. The day couldn't have been worse and for the second time today he felt like crying. In front of the sink, he splashed abundant water over his face as if with that gesture he could erase the sensations that filled his whole spirit. He had always known that nothing would ever happen with Lou since he like everybody else had believed that she was a married woman. Now it turned out that she actually had no husband or even a boyfriend, but still she refused him flatly, not wanting to give him a single opportunity. The notion that Lou had no feelings for him was even worse than the thought that there was a man in her life. She had said no, a categorical no, nothing to hope for. That answer had made him wake up. He needed to forget about her and this demanded urgent and more effective measures.

After a few more minutes, he left the restroom and took the elevator to the top floor. The door was ajar when he reached the office and knocked lightly as he asked, "May I come in, Teaspoon?"

"Please, please. Be my guest."

Kid trudged inside and remained on his feet before his boss's desk, refusing to sit down when Teaspoon told him to. "Teaspoon, I was wondering if I could have a few days off."

"Yeah... I think that could be arranged."

Kid smiled wryly and added, "And about Lou..." The mere mention of her name made his throat feel like burning and his voice trail off. "Could ... could Jimmy supervise her?" he finally managed to ask.

"For a few days, sure."

"No... for the rest of the year," Kid stated in a serious voice.

Teaspoon hadn't expected this at all and looked at the young man with a surprised face. "Why on earth?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

His dismissing words managed to fuel Teaspoon's curiosity, which was the opposite of what Kid wanted. "Son, if there's something wrong, shouldn't we discuss it with Louise? I'm sure if we talk things through, we will sort out whatever the problem is."

"Teaspoon, she has nothing to do with this," Kid lied, thinking quickly and trying to find a logical explanation that his boss could be satisfied with. "It's something personal and I don't think I'm in the condition to keep doing the job. I'm sure Lou would benefit from working with Jimmy and he already hinted at me he wouldn't mind to do it."

"If that's what you want..." Teaspoon said, unsure of what to think of this unexpected turn of events. As far as he had seen, Kid was proving to be an excellent teacher, something which Teaspoon had already known when he decided to choose him for the job. Besides, Louise had told him on several occasions that she was very happy with her supervisor and she and Kid were getting along superbly. So now Teaspoon wondered what the real problem was.

"It is..." Kid replied.

"All right then. I'll talk to Jimmy and he can take over from you."

"Thanks, Teaspoon," Kid responded, feeling as if a new weight had been added to his already heavy soul. His request to his boss actually went against his desires. Despite her refusal, he still wanted to work with her every day, see her beautiful smile, her expressive eyes and talk like they always did. Yet, he knew he had to break free, otherwise he'd end up suffering more than he already was. If things continued the same, Kid was sure that deep down his silly mind would still harbor hopes for a future 'us' and he would see the smallest detail from her part as a sign that they could have a story together. Lou had been very clear about it and the best he could do was to stay clear of her as much as possible. Of course he couldn't stop seeing her, but at least not working so closely together would help him to forget his silly fantasies.

Kid turned to go and Teaspoon walked with him to the door. "You know, Kid? I think these few days at home will do you some good. Now that I watch you closely, you look kind of drained. This profession of ours is not easy and we sometimes have to disconnect and charge our batteries."

"I hope you're right," Kid replied truthfully. "Thank you again. I owe you one." And without one more word, he scurried out of the door, wishing with all his heart that this time off would clear his head and would make a new man out of his battered soul.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Let's have a toast," Teaspoon announced as he filled his glass as well as the ladies' with champagne. He was feeling exultant to see Amanda sitting on his sofa, staying in his house.

The sudden discovery that there was a daughter of his in the world had first left him disoriented and lost but as soon as the initial astonishment had melted away, he couldn't feel prouder than right now. What weighed in his heart was the fact that he had missed all these years of her life. He hadn't been there when she had been born, in her first steps as a baby and in any of the stages of her childhood and early youth. All those countless moments were lost to him forever, unrecoverable. That was why he was so eager to make up for all those missing years.

Teaspoon was glad that Amanda had decided to try her luck in the city and if everything went well, she might move here permanently. In her native town Amanda had been working for a small publishing company, in the publicity department and she hoped to find a similar position in the city. Teaspoon had heard her plans with obvious glee, and at once he had offered her to stay in his place until she found her own place. His house was big enough, actually it was too huge for just him and Rachel, and doubtlessly, some company would do them both good.

Rachel reluctantly stood up to join in Teaspoon's toast. She wasn't in her best mood and even though she could admit that she was exaggerating and that Amanda was a nice girl after all, deep down she couldn't help but feel completely rotten.

"To Amanda," Teaspoon exclaimed as he lifted his glass and chinked it with the ladies'. He grinned at Rachel and she simply stretched her lips in a neutral, strange smile.

After the toast they sank back onto the sofas in the living room. Teaspoon and Amanda were sitting on the long couch while Rachel sat in her favorite armchair. "I want to thank you... both of you for opening the doors of your home to me," Amanda said sheepishly.

"Sweetheart, there's no need," Teaspoon replied, "we're family and Rachel and I are happy to have you here, aren't we, honey?"

The woman made a guttural sound of unclear meaning, but refrained from saying anything as she downed her second glass of champagne in just a few minutes_. 'Happy, my foot,'_ Rachel thought, quite irritated. Teaspoon had made the decision of inviting Amanda over without asking her, and the fool now wanted to imply that it was something they had agreed upon together.

"And I'm happy to be here," Amanda answered to Teaspoon's words.

"It's a real shame your mother missed our encounter and isn't here with us," he muttered and Amanda nodded sadly. "In truth, she gave me the best gift a woman can give a man... you."

Teaspoon squeezed Amanda's hand in a tender gesture and the young woman smiled pleased. "I'm very lucky for having found you," Amanda admitted in a soft voice, "Father."

Teaspoon grinned with a satisfied expression. "At my age I never thought that I'd get the chance to know what it is to have kids. You know, I simply settled for a calm life, without too many complications. And now you came. Seems life wouldn't spare me the joy of parenthood."

At his words Rachel opened her mouth in total shock and felt the tears prick her eyes. Soon the sadness that had invaded her heart was replaced by sheer anger, and in a voice she hardly recognized as her own, she excused herself and staggered out of the living room to the bedroom with unsteady legs.

About forty minutes later Teaspoon headed for the bedroom he shared with Rachel after soaking up a nice conversation with Amanda and making sure she was settled nicely in one of the spare bedrooms. As he approached, dim light showed through the gap between the door and its frame, which hardly surprised him. Rachel usually read before getting ready to sleep and more than once Teaspoon had found her fast asleep, the book splayed out against her chest, her reading glasses still on her nose and the lamp on the bedside table shining. However, the view that Teaspoon found this time on entering the room was quite different. Rachel was sitting upright on the edge of the bed, fully clothed and looking at the window opposite her. Her back was turned to the door through which Teaspoon had stepped in but she didn't move a muscle when she heard the squeaking sound of the door or his heavy steps behind her.

"What's wrong, Rachel?" Teaspoon asked as he came closer and saw the suitcase resting next to her feet.

Rachel stood up in a dignified pose and looking directly into his eyes, she said, "I'm leaving." There was an edge to her voice which told Teaspoon that he was up for some trouble.

"You're what?" Teaspoon exclaimed, with a stunned expression, looking at her aghast as if she had lost her mind. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"What you heard. I'm leaving," she squawked irritated. "I've come to realize that all these years with you have been nothing but a damn lie! You've never really loved me, and all you've always cared about is you, you and only you!"

"Rachel, you're not making any sense."

"You don't know the first thing about me, how I feel, what I want, how I love! I've just been an easy distraction, an undisturbing addition to your uncomplicated life!" Rachel snarled sarcastically.

"That's not true!"

"Good bye, Teaspoon," she said in a very serious voice, picking up the suitcase and dashing for the door.

The old doctor followed her through the darkened house in frenzy. "For goodness' sake, Rachel, it's past midnight! Where are you going? This is insane!"

"That's my problem now," Rachel retorted and opened the front door to the open night. "Good bye, Teaspoon."

"Please, Rachel, don't leave me!" he almost begged but she was already out of the house and never looked back or answered his desperate calls. Rachel simply marched to her car and as soon as she got into it, she started the ignition and screeched off as the tears filled her sad eyes.

* * *

Louise shuffled along the corridor, her head hung low and her eyes focused on the floor her feet were walking on. She had hardly been able to sleep last night as she couldn't stop thinking about the conversation with Kid the day before. She still felt galvanized by his declaration, and her heart feared that her friendship with Kid would go to rack and ruin because of this matter, something that made her feel very sad.

Yesterday after she and Jimmy had finished the emergency C-section she had dashed to find Kid, but he had already left. When she had tried to call him a few times from the hospital and a few more from home, there had been no answer. His cell phone was off and she had only gotten his recorded voice from his answering machine when she had called him to his home phone. This was getting totally frustrating. She needed to explain everything to him, make him understand. Today was going to be very awkward when they worked together. At least, she hoped he'd finally give her the opportunity to speak her mind. After they talked, he'd understand why he had to forget about her and hopefully they could get past all this and continue their friendly relationship like always.

Louise walked into the changing room and after leaving her knapsack in her locker and getting changed, she stepped back into the common area. This time Jimmy was sitting on a stool in the small kitchenette, nursing a cup of coffee while reading the newspaper.

"Morning, partner," Jimmy greeted her with a smile. "Rough night, uh?" he asked, taking in her weary face.

Lou ignored his question. Something in his greeting drew her interest and her face puckered in confusion as she asked, "Partner?"

"Haven't you heard? As of today I'm your supervisor for the rest of your fellowship."

"Why?" Lou asked with dismay. Jimmy was a good doctor, and when they had worked together, they had got along perfectly. Yet, the change didn't sit well with her and she didn't try to hide her discontent.

"It was Kid's decision," Jimmy explained, grinning amused on noticing her sullen expression. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Louise resolutely marched towards the door, intending to talk to Kid, but she stopped short when Jimmy said behind her, "You won't find him. He's taken a few days off."

Lou's face fell as she bumbled back and flopped onto a sofa heavily. Jimmy slid off the stool and came to sit next to her. "What happened between you two?" he asked and as she sent him a curious look, he added, "I just saw him briefly yesterday when he was leaving, and all he said was 'she's not married'."

Louise sighed and started moving her fingers in circles on her temple as if massaging her head would make her slight headache disappear. "So what, Jimmy?" she quipped without looking at him. "Why do you sound so surprised? Nobody cared to ask me and you all assumed something that wasn't true."

Jimmy didn't comment on her outburst and simply said, "He told you, didn't he?"

Lou threw him a sideways glance as she muttered, "Well... I rather forced it out of him."

"And you said no," Jimmy stated matter-of-factly. "Why?"

"That's something between me and Kid," Lou replied slightly annoyed by his intrusion. "I only have to give him an explanation, nobody else."

"Lou, if you let me tell you one more thing," Jimmy insisted. "I already told you, Kid's a good guy. He's just had back luck with women, and the woman who gets him is going to be very lucky indeed."

"Jimmy, I'm not going to discuss this with you," Lou said without the slightest hint of amusement in her voice.

"All right, all right," Jimmy replied in surrender as he rose to his feet. "Got the message." He picked up his briefcase and folding his newspaper, he stuck it under his arm as he walked to the door. "I better go. You coming?"

"Give me a minute, will you?"

"All right. See you later," Jimmy countered and then walked out.

Louise remained on the sofa for a few seconds and then slowly rose to her feet, heading for the telephone on the wall. She quickly dialed Kid's number, which she had already learned by heart, and after the phone rang several times, once again she got his recorded message on the answering machine. Louise sighed before she talked on the phone.

"Hi, Kid. It's me again. If you're there, please pick up the phone." She paused for a second, hoping to hear his voice in vain and then continued, "I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. We need to talk about that and ... about work. Please call me when you can. Please."

Much to her chagrin, Louise had to hang up once again without talking to him and at the same time the door opened and Emma and Rachel slid in. Lou silently waved to them in greeting, but only Emma replied to her gesture since Rachel walked with her eyes glued to the floor. "Don't you think you should talk to him, honey?" Emma asked as they sat down on the leather sofa.

Rachel shook her head stubbornly. "He already said all he thought last night!" she boomed, clearly annoyed. "He's nothing but a selfish oaf! All he cares about is himself and to hell with my concerns!"

Louise had approached her two friends and as she sat down across from them, she asked, "What's wrong, Rachel? Something happened with Teaspoon and Amanda?"

"Nothing's happening because I left him," Rachel replied, folding her arms over her chest as she directed her angry eyes to her friend.

"What?" Lou exclaimed with wide eyes. "But why?"

"Last night he made it very clear that he had settled into an easy fix, and I was the idiot to go along with his easy game. He doesn't want anything else, and I can't just be happy with a dead-end relationship. So I just walked away."

"And where did you go?" Lou asked again, astounded by what her friend was telling her.

"She ended up in a dingy, filthy hotel," Emma answered for Rachel, her face showing her disapproval.

"I wasn't in the mood to be picky. It was late and I just pulled over to the first place I came across."

"Honey, you can't stay there!" Emma continued in a maternal fashion. "That can't be hygienic!"

"I'm not planning to. I'll find better accommodation today."

"Rachel, why don't you come and stay at home with us? Sam, the children and me will be happy to have you, and you'll certainly be more comfortable than in the most luxurious hotel all by yourself."

"Emma, it's awfully nice of you, but you're already too crowded at home. I wouldn't dream of making you and your family cramped for my sake."

Emma made an unhappy gesture, but knew there was no way she could convince Rachel. It was true that her apartment that had seemed huge when she and Sam had first married was becoming smaller at the same rate as her three children became bigger and older. Emma then eyed Lou by her side and without thinking twice about it, she asked bluntly, "What about you, Louise? Couldn't Rachel stay at your place for a while?"

Lou remained thoughtful for a few seconds and promptly said, "Oh yeah... of course you can stay. We've got plenty of room. It's a big house."

Rachel smiled thankfully, but fearing that Lou had felt forced to say yes after Emma's direct question, she asked, "Are you sure, Lou? I don't want to be a burden and maybe you should check with your husband first."

Lou sighed and for the third time in two days she repeated again, "I'm sure and... for your information I'm not married."

"You're not?" both Rachel and Emma asked in chorus.

"Let me jot down the address for you," Louise replied, stopping the conversation short as she wrote down the location of her abode on a scrap of paper. "This is it," Lou added, handing the paper to her friend. "And now I gotta go. And Rachel, if I don't see you later, try to arrive before seven. I have to go out then."

"Sure... and thank you," Rachel called after her friend, who dashed out of the room before she got a scolding from Jimmy on top of everything. She wasn't in a position to get into more trouble. One of her colleagues wouldn't speak to her. Maybe it wasn't her direct fault but the pain weighed on her heart terrible. Hopefully, she could talk to him at some point during the day and smooth things over. She had to or otherwise, working here was going to be very uncomfortable.

* * *

Rachel tossed her blonde hair from inside her blouse as she finished getting changed at the end of the day. She had everything ready to head for Lou's straightaway. During her lunch hour she had retrieved her luggage from that horrible hotel and left it in her car. She was feeling very low and miserable, and wondered what she was going to do from now on. After moving in with Teaspoon, she had sold her apartment, which she was regretting with all her heart in this moment and now she'd have to think of getting herself a new place. The situation with Teaspoon had no way back. Last night he had clearly stated what he wanted and Rachel felt like a fool for dreaming of a full life with him when all he wanted from her was... nothing.

Rachel left the room hurriedly and as she scurried down the corridor, she heard a voice call her name. She didn't need to turn round to know it was Teaspoon, and she continued on her way, quickening her steps. Yet, as she reached the closed elevator, she had to stop and Teaspoon finally caught up with her. "Rachel, would you stop this childish game!" he exclaimed very irritated. "We need to talk."

"You already said enough last night!" Rachel replied, unable to look him in the eyes and she simply kept staring at the closed stainless-steel door of the elevator.

"Rachel, what is the problem? I want to understand." Rachel folded her arms over her chest, refusing to talk. Her right foot tapped on the floor impatiently, wishing the elevator would come so she could flee from this uncomfortable conversation. "What do you want, Rachel?" Teaspoon insisted.

"That doesn't matter anymore."

Teaspoon sighed wearily, knowing that with this attitude of hers he wouldn't get anything, so he opted for changing his tactic. "Can you tell me at least where you're staying?"

"With Lou. I'm heading for her place now," Rachel replied curtly.

An amused smile twitched at the corner of his mouth as he repeated in a surprised tone, "You're staying with Louise?"

Rachel spied the smirk on his face and for the first time she turned her angry eyes to him as she barked, "What's your problem? You choose your roommates and I choose mine!"

"So that's it?" Teaspoon let out in a stunned whisper. "All this is about Amanda!"

"All this is about you! She only made me realize what you're really like!" she stated angrily at the same time as the elevator pinged open. "Good bye, Teaspoon."

Without sparing a single look, she plunked into the elevator and when the door slid closed and Teaspoon's figure disappeared from before her eyes, she let out an agonizing wail and burst out in tears. She buried her face in her hands, feeling her soul break piece by piece with each tear she dropped and fearing what her life would be like from now on.

Half an hour later Rachel parked her car near the street in Lou's address. She slung her leather bag over her shoulder and then retrieved her suitcase from the trunk. After locking the vehicle, Rachel had a glance at the paper with Lou's address on and started to look for the place, wheeling her luggage behind. The street she took was off the main avenue and as Rachel stopped before the number in question and looked up at the building, she wondered whether she was making a mistake. Her eyes darted from the place to the paper in her hands. It was the right number and the right street, so after debating with herself for a couple of minutes, she finally decided to pound the stout door with the knocker. Three minutes passed before she heard the latch on the other site being unlocked and Lou's voice.

"Darn door! Why do you get stuck every time I try to open you? You got something against me or what?"

Rachel smiled and finally with a strong push the door burst open. As Louise appeared, Rachel's eyes widened in utter surprise as she looked her friend up and down. "Lou?" she let out, almost in a stammer.

"Hey, Rachel!" Louise greeted with a big smile. "Please don't stand there. Come in!"

The midwife stepped into a spacious hall and as she looked around herself, she said in an awkward tone, "This is ... nice and... big."

"I told you. It's a big house."

"And you look quite different," Rachel continued.

Louise let out a peal of laughter at her words. "No kidding, uh?" All afternoon she had been worried about Rachel's reaction at her "other" life. Of course now she looked surprised, but Lou thought it was high time everybody knew. Yet, before letting the cat out of the bag, she needed to talk to Kid. She wanted to be the one to tell him. The revelation to Rachel had been kind of unexpected since her coming to stay at her house had forced Lou to come clean with her, but apart from this, Louise felt it right in her heart to be sincere with Kid before anybody else. He still didn't answer her calls and Lou had even been tempted to turn up at his apartment uninvited, but then she had decided against it. He probably needed some time on his own and she didn't want to force him to see her if he didn't really want to.

"You actually caught me in my best attire," Louise continued, smoothing down her skirt. "To tell you the truth, I'm going out in a little while. After many years my friend Charlotte's getting married... on a Tuesday. Can you think of a stranger day for a wedding?"

Rachel smiled wryly as Lou mentioned a wedding. She wasn't feeling very comfortable and said, "Louise, maybe I'd better go. This is obviously not a good time."

"Nonsense!" Lou exclaimed as she hooked her arm around her friend's and grabbing the suitcase handle she started waking, steering Rachel along. "You can stay in a room across the yard. You'll be very comfortable here... trust me."

Rachel didn't protest and simply followed Lou's lead. They crossed a beautiful inner patio which opened to the clear sky on the top. Dozens of flower pots and rose bushes filled the tiled area and Rachel breathed in deeply to smell the mixture of scents. Louise continued forward, explaining everything to Rachel as they walked. They went along a short corridor which was framed between the kitchen and the dining room, whose open doors let Rachel have a peek of them. Finally, they climbed a couple of steps and slipped through a door to get into a spacious open area, surrounded by flower beds, trees and other plants. As soon as both women stepped in, Rachel saw a small girl of about three years of age running towards them, and on reaching them, she threw herself to Lou's arms.

Louise cooped up the girl, who buried her head in the crook of her neck and the young doctor said, "Hey, Melinda, my pretty girl!" Louise shared a smile with Rachel as she continued, "Sweetie, say hello to my good friend, Rachel. She's going to stay with us for a few days."

"Hello, Melinda," the midwife smiled.

The young girl lifted her face from Lou's neck and she looked at the two women with pouting lips and teary eyes. "Oh Melly!" Lou exclaimed in an exaggerated tone. "What's that face for? What's the matter?"

"Harry won't let me play with him and the other boys!"

"Oh dear," Lou let out, tutting her tongue in disapproval.

"Can you come play with me?" the girl asked dolefully.

"I'm afraid I can't now, sweetheart," Louise said, stroking the girl's dark hair with her free hand. "I have to pop out... just for a while. When I get back, we'll play together all you want and even Rachel will join us, won't you?"

"Of course I will," the woman replied, flashing her smile to the young girl.

"And now go and tell Harry that if he doesn't let you play with them, he'll have to answer to me!"

The girl nodded and as soon as Lou put Melinda back on the floor, she darted off, her problems of minutes ago forgotten. "She's a lovely girl," Rachel said as they continued their way across the yard.

"Yeah, she is."

"I thought you were going to your friend's wedding," Rachel remarked, remembering Lou's promise to the girl.

"Yes, but I'm not staying for the reception," Lou replied. "I have to work early tomorrow, remember? And well, I also have work here."

"I've never met a doctor like... you. Baffles me really."

"I imagine so," Louise replied with a grin.

"Teaspoon knows, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, he does."

"And doesn't it bother him?" Rachel asked with a frown.

Louise sighed. This kind of attitude was what had prompted her to hide her personal life from everybody in the clinic. "I don't see why it should. I've already proved I'm as good a professional as Kid, Hickok, Cody, any of them!"

"Sorry, Lou. You're right. What you do or how you live your life outside the hospital, it's none of our business."

Suddenly, a loud shout cut off their conversation and Rachel looked to see a group of three people, standing in a small garden next to a fountain. "Louise, come on! We're gonna be late!"

The person who spoke was a young woman, dressed in flashy clothes and holding a cigarette between the fingers of her right hand while her left one rested on her hip in an impatient pose. Next to her there was another woman, similar age, similar clothes, similar pose and similar cigarette, but what was different in her was her bulging middle. She was expecting, at least six months along. And next to them there was a man in his forties, dressed in a suit a size too big for him and he was looking with an expression that made Rachel think he had some kind of mental handicap.

"Let me introduce you to some of the girls," Lou said as they headed towards the group, and when they were closer again, she exclaimed, "For goodness' sake, Becky, another cigarette? I thought you had given it up. You need to think of your baby!"

The woman reluctantly dropped the cigarette on the ground and stubbed it out with her left foot. "I hate it when you act all doctor-like with me."

"Becky, you don't need to be a doctor to know smoking isn't good for your baby!"

Lou proceeded to introduce Rachel to the three people and the woman who had first spoken repeated, "We're gonna be late for the wedding!"

"Just give me two minutes to show Rachel her room," Lou replied and before turning to leave, she said, "And Tara, keep an eye on your boy. Melly came to me crying just now."

"Oh my!" the woman replied. "This son of mine is going to be the death of me one day."

As Rachel was about to follow Lou, the man who hadn't said a word grabbed her by the shoulder and brought his face very close to her, staring with leering, blank eyes. Rachel freaked out but Lou was quick to intervene and pulled the man apart.

"Hey, hey, Vinnie! Just let her go. Yeah, good boy." The man stood motionless and Rachel finally followed Lou through a door at the end of the patio. "He's actually harmless," Lou explained as they climbed a flight of stairs. "He's Tara's brother and unfortunately his prolonged addiction to LSD has left some brain damage. He sometimes hangs around here... the poor devil has nobody else who can help him."

Rachel listened to Lou very attentively and then asked, "How long have you been... living here?"

"Almost all my life... even though it sounds a bit strange," Lou cleared out when she saw her friend's odd expression. "I was seven when my mom brought me and my siblings to live here, and apart from the years I was in Guam, this has been my only home. For a time I thought I'd never return and Guam would be my permanent residence but well... here I am again."

"And are you happy with this kind of life, Louise?"

"I know people may not understand it, but yes, I am."

Rachel simply nodded. Lou was right; she didn't understand. This was very strange and never could she have thought that Louise led this kind of existence. As a matter of fact, she had a peculiar personality but didn't fit in the image Rachel had always had in her mind. As the word "peculiar" popped into Rachel's mind, she couldn't help thinking of Teaspoon. She couldn't stop thinking of him. At least, the room Lou was now showing her was nice-looking and seemed comfortable enough. A perfect place to cry her miseries and think about her new future... alone without Teaspoon.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

A loud tune started to play and soon a hand reached to disconnect the alarm set in her cell phone. She didn't need to open her eyes to perform the action successfully; it had almost become a reflex that she had repeated so many times before that her fingers seemed to have the sense of sight. Still with her eyes shut, she muttered, "Time to wake up, Teaspoon."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, the events of the last couple of days fell over her like a ton of bricks. This wasn't her queen size bed or her mattress, but a single bed with an ordinary-quality mattress. Rachel opened her eyes to the dimly lit room and looked around. A carved-wood shelf with just a couple of books hung on the white wall to the right. Below there was a nice looking desk with its matching upholstered chair, and opposite the bed she was still lying on stood a stout wardrobe with a full-length mirror on its single door.

After a few minutes, Rachel left the bed and started to get ready for the day. She was already dressed and about to make the bed when there was a knock at the door. "Come in!" she called and the door instantly opened to let Lou slip inside.

"Did you sleep well?" the young doctor asked with a smile as soon as she entered, and moving the chair from under the desk, she sat down sideways.

"At least better than the other night," Rachel admitted, sinking down on the soft bed. For hours she had been thinking about Teaspoon and how a long, sweet story like theirs was could end so suddenly and painfully, but her body had finally succumbed to sleep.

Louise remained silent as she watched Rachel tidily make the bed. She couldn't deny she was a nurse and how as part of her training she had been taught to make the bed in a specific way. "Rachel," Lou called, breaking the silence, and the woman turned to her, hugging the pillow against her. "I do hope you have some breakfast this morning," Lou added pointedly. "You're not doing yourself any favors if you stop eating."

Last night when Louise had gone to find Rachel, she had declined to leave the room for supper. Lou understood that she was logically upset about what she was going through, but as she had told her now, it didn't do her any good to let herself be dragged to that state of apathy. Lou hoped that eventually Rachel and Teaspoon could patch things up. All they needed to do was to talk. In her opinion Rachel had made a rush decision and Lou figured that once Rachel had calmed down a bit, she'd have the sense to talk things through with her man.

"Actually, I'm kind of hungry."

"Good!" Lou exclaimed, clapping her hands at the same time as if she were a small girl. "Besides, you need to meet Marmee. She wasn't here yesterday," she added, blushing as the nickname she used for the woman slipped off her tongue.

"Marmee? Who?"

"Well," Lou started, but stopped to let out a peal of laughter, "That's just a name I use. Let's just say she has the same position here as Teaspoon in the clinic. The big boss," Lou explained and Rachel nodded in understanding. They relapsed into silence once again and as Rachel finished making her bed, Lou had a look around the room and her eyes fell on the cell phone left on the bedside table. She remained thoughtful for a brief moment and then asked, "Rachel, could I use your phone?"

"Sure... go ahead."

Louise smiled her thanks and quickly grabbed the phone. Once she had dialed the number, she pressed the receiver against her ear as she slowly paced around the room, running her fingers through her short hair, and after a minute she flicked the phone closed again, muttering, "Nothing again. He won't answer."

"Who?" Rachel asked, eying her curiously on noticing a slight mood change in her friend.

"Kid," she breathed. "I hoped he would answer if he thought the call didn't come from me," Lou explained somberly. "But I guess he's not taking any calls at all."

"Louise, what happened between you two?" Rachel asked. "Jimmy said he's going to be your supervisor from now on."

Louise sighed and after making sure the door was shut, she said, "I... he doesn't understand that there can't be anything beyond friendship between us."

"Oh!" Rachel let out, surprised that Kid had finally talked to Louise or maybe it was Lou who had talked to him. At least with their cards on the table there wouldn't be any perturbing half-truths between the two of them.

"I didn't get the chance to explain why. If he knew, he..."

"Honey, he won't understand it then either," Rachel cut her off. "When you're in love, all you want is to be with that person no matter what."

"But if I told him..."

"He wouldn't understand," Rachel repeated without the slightest trace of doubt in her voice.

"You really think so?"

"Louise, this won't be easy for him to accept. I don't know what he's told you exactly, but he's clearly smitten with you."

The doctor didn't look very happy. "I have to tell him in any case," she muttered with a soft voice, "and he needs to hear it from my own lips. I'd hate it if the tale reached him from other sources."

"You don't have to worry about me," Rachel replied, catching the double meaning behind her words. "I won't divulge your secret. That's only up to you."

Louise nodded, but something in Rachel's words left a bad feeling in her heart. Like Teaspoon at first, Rachel had referred to her life as a secret. All she wanted was to protect her privacy and reputation from prejudice, only that. She had nothing to hide and it wasn't a sin to be discreet about a side of her personal life. Now everybody knew that she was a good, trustworthy professional, and as soon as she had the opportunity, she'd tell who she was.

"Lou," Rachel called softly as they started towards the dining room and when the young doctor turned her questioning eyes to her, she said, "I never had the chance to tell you last night, but just know that I greatly appreciate what you're doing for me. It means the world to me, honestly."

"Please don't mention it. We're friends, aren't we? And you know, you can stay here as long as you want."

"Thank you," Rachel whispered.

As they reached the dining room, Louise waved her hand at the person coming from the opposite direction at the same time as she exclaimed, "Hey, Marmee!"

Rachel took her time to study the woman as they walked towards her. She was quite tall, around Teaspoon's age and even though her countenance revealed that she was a woman with a strong character, her candid smile softened her features. "Ms. Dunne, I suppose?"

"How are you, Ma'am," Rachel replied politely to the greeting.

Marmee nodded and without preamble she said, "You have a visitor waiting to see you."

"A visitor?" Rachel echoed in confusion.

"Aloysius."

"Teaspoon?" Rachel let out with the same flabbergasted expression. What was he doing here? And more importantly, what did he want? She had already said everything she needed to say, and there was nothing else to talk about.

"He's waiting in the small room. Louise, will you show Ms. Dunne how to get there?"

"Sure!" Louise exclaimed and before Rachel could react, she linked her arm to her friend's and steered her forward. The midwife followed her almost by inertia as her mind started to reel in panic. It was very odd but she felt afraid of having to face Teaspoon at this moment. She just didn't want him to cause her any more pain than what he already had.

"Lou, I don't know if I want to see him," Rachel protested as Louise pointed out at the room in question.

"Why not, Rachel? He's come all the way here and you have to admit that's something. He must have something important to tell you and there's no harm in hearing him out, is there?"

"I guess not," Rachel muttered and followed her friend's lead towards the room.

"Morning, Teaspoon!" Louise exclaimed as they stepped into the room. The man silently nodded his head in greeting but his eyes were only focused on Rachel, who had a grave and somber expression and seemed reluctant to meet his gaze. "Let me bring you some coffee and I'll start getting breakfast ready too," Lou continued and swirling around she pattered away, leaving the couple alone.

Rachel folded her arms over her chest in a protective fashion and eventually lifted her eyes to the man. "What do you want, Teaspoon?"

The man rose from the wicker sofa he was sitting on and took a few steps closer to her. "Rachel, I accept all the blame for this. The other night I said things that I didn't see would hurt you. I was too blind for a long time to see what you really needed."

"And can you see now?" Rachel asked sarcastically.

"You know how thick I can be sometimes," Teaspoon replied with a crooked smile, which didn't manage to lift the seriousness from Rachel's face. "I had a talk with Amanda and she made the blindfold fall from my eyes. Seems there's nothing better than a woman's eyes to show you what is so evident." Rachel remained in silence and Teaspoon dared to take a few more steps. He pulled a little box out of his pants pocket and as he unlatched and opened it, a beautiful, diamond ring appeared before her eyes. "Let's get married, Rachel."

"Yeah, sure," the woman replied ironically, not in the least moved by his words. Her heart was shouting, trying to convince her brain that he was serious, that he was telling the truth, but Rachel was having a hard time letting the ice wall between the two of them melt. He had hurt her and however much she loved him, she also wanted to be sure that he shared the same feelings.

"You know I love you, Rachel. I've been married six times and I don't know how many more relationships, but you, Rachel, only you have definitely settled in my heart. When I think of my life companion and partner, I just think of you. We're happy together and I just don't know how to live without you. These last couple of nights at home on my own has been complete agony. Rachel, please, I don't want to lose you."

"You don't believe in marriage," she reminded him matter-of-factly.

"I don't... but I do believe in us, only us." For the first time Rachel's face lit up with a spontaneous smile and she locked eyes with him. "Is it safe for me to assume that this is a yes?"

"Mmm Mmm," Rachel nodded and when the man remained silent, just staring lovingly at her, she said, pointing out at the box, "I think that should go on my finger, shouldn't it?"

Teaspoon followed the direction her thumb was pointing at and his eyes fell to the ring which still rested in the case in his hand and let out a nervous laugh. "After doing this six times, I should already have learned the rules, I'd say, but my, I'm hopeless," he quipped jokingly as he slid the ring on her finger.

Rachel lifted her bright eyes to him, feeling her heart was going to burst, and with a little smile she said, "Just shut up and kiss me, silly."

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Teaspoon pulled her towards him, wrapped his arms around her so familiar body and captured her awaiting lips in his. Yet, they quickly pulled away as somebody cleared their throat behind them. The couple blushed for being caught red-handed as if they were a pair of teenagers when they saw Lou behind them, a mischievous smile on her lips and carrying a tray with a coffee pot she had promised before. "Uh... would you like a cup of coffee?" Louise asked awkwardly as she left the tray on the small hardwood table before the sofa.

"I'd love one," Teaspoon replied.

Louise looked behind her as she grabbed the glass pot from the tray. "Melly, honey, come on, give me the cups," she called and the young girl dawdled inside, swinging her arms to and fro and in the motion almost crashing the cups against the door frame. "Come on, honey, don't be shy," Lou continued as she shared a look with her friends. "She insisted on helping me."

"There's a good girl," Teaspoon grinned.

Melinda handed Lou the cups and as she served the coffee, the young girl wrapped an arm around Louise's denim-lined legs while staring at the two other adults and sucking on her thumb at the same time. "I'll leave you two now. I have to go," Lou announced after handing the cups of coffee to each of her friends. Even though neither of them had said a word, Louise hadn't missed the glittering ring that now shone on Rachel's finger and she hoped that meant what she thought it meant.

"So early?" Teaspoon asked, checking the time on his wrist watch.

"Yeah... I have to drop Melly at her school first," Louise explained, scooping up the girl in her arms. "And then I still have a few errands to run before going to the hospital." She headed for the door and once in the threshold she stopped and turned around, "Teaspoon, show us that you're the big boss. Take the day off and go celebrate whatever you decide you want to celebrate," she said, winking at the couple.

"Dr. McCloud, I think you're a very clever and bright lady," Teaspoon quipped, which caused Louise to giggle amused before she slid out of the room with the girl in her arms.

"Bye, bye," Melinda softly said, looking at the pair over Lou's shoulder and waving her little hand at them.

"Good bye, Melly," Rachel responded as she and Teaspoon smiled at the girl, waving at her as well.

The couple watched Louise walk away as she talked to the young girl in soft tones. "You know what, Rachel?" Teaspoon said, shifting his eyes to his woman when Lou had disappeared. "I don't know how, but I have the impression that her hand is somehow in the middle of this marriage thing. That girl's more trouble than it seems. I bet that in the year she's gonna be with us she's gonna end up marrying off the whole hospital."

Rachel let out a peal of laughter. "Teaspoon, you're being ridiculous."

"Me? Ridiculous? Just wait and see, Rachel. Just wait and see."

* * *

The news of Teaspoon and Rachel's engagement spread like wildfire and soon the whole clinic was familiar with the fact. Two days after the proposal, the staff got together in the common room at the beginning of their work day to have a quick toast for the coming wedding and happiness of their boss and Rachel. Teaspoon had brought a bottle of champagne to share the moment with his employees.

"So when's the wedding, Rachel?" Emma asked while she poured some of the white wine in the plastic cups placed on the table, just enough to have a taste for the toast.

"This coming Christmas," the future bride answered, beaming with joy and sharing a look with her fiancé. "And in Paris?"

"Paris?" Emily echoed, not bothering to hide her astonishment. "Why?"

"Well... we talked it through, and we want something special but intimate," Rachel explained. "At our age we don't care about any extra frills. We haven't had a vacation for I don't know how long and we thought this would be a good opportunity to do it and save all the fuss of the wedding arrangements. It'll be just us, Amanda and my brother."

"Man, what a disappointment!" Cody let out with a comical pout, thinking that there wouldn't be a nice reception where he could feast and maybe hook up with one of the bridesmaids.

"Yeah, especially for your stomach," Jimmy quipped, rightly guessing his colleague's thoughts, which sent everybody laughing.

"Rachel, I think your plans sound perfect," Louise cut in with a smile, and Rachel reciprocated the gesture.

"And my boy," Teaspoon added, addressing Cody, "don't fret. We'll have a little celebration when we get back from old Europe. How could we possibly not share that important moment in our lives with all of you?" Cody nodded his head with satisfaction and the old doctor added, "So are we having that toast for my beautiful bride or what?"

A cacophony of voices followed his comment and everybody hurried to grab a glass and when they were all ready round the table, the door opened and Kid stepped in. "What's happening here?" he asked as he noticed all his colleagues in a specially jolly mood and an empty bottle of champagne on the table.

"Hey Kid, welcome back!" Buck greeted.

"Thanks, but what's going on?"

"Teaspoon and Rachel are getting married," Noah announced.

"I'd say it was high time," Kid remarked with a smile as he came closer to his colleagues. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, son," Teaspoon replied.

"Come here, Kid, and grab yourself a glass. There's still some left for you," Emily said, pouring some champagne for him. Kid left his briefcase on the floor and accepted the wine that the receptionist handed him. Standing between her and Emma, Kid swept his eyes over all his colleagues around the big table while Teaspoon threw himself into one of his usual long, wordy monologues. For a brief second his eyes met Lou's, but he quickly looked away, feeling nervous and flustered all of a sudden. In the last few days he had tried to convince himself that his crush on Lou wasn't such a big deal, and he wanted to believe that he could easily get over her. He had refused to answer her constant calls and messages on his answering machine. Cutting her off was a poor attempt to cure his infatuation, but with just a single look at her he was back at the starting point, feeling like a puppet and seeing no light.

The toast finished and after a few more minutes of small talk, everybody dispersed, ready to start their day. Kid followed after his colleagues, the last one in the line that had formed to leave the room and when he was about to get out, a feminine voice called behind him. "Kid, wait!"

Reluctantly he turned round to look at Lou, who stood just a few away from him. Kid was half tempted to mutter a silly excuse and run away, but the look she gave him pulled at his heart, so he simply stood there, his hand on the doorknob and his breathing quickening at just her image.

Louise took a few steps closer and stopped at a safe distance. "I've been calling you... every day," she whispered.

"I know," Kid simply said and made no attempt to explain himself or give her any reasons why he hadn't answered.

Louise walked a few more steps and closed the door with a strong push. She came to stand before him and resting her hands on her hips and looking straight into his eyes, she said, "Kid, we need to talk."

"What for, Lou?"

"We didn't finish our conversation the other day and I need to explain something to you... explain my reasons."

"Tell me something, Lou. Is there a chance... a single chance your feelings about this might change?"

Louise lowered her eyes dolefully. This was more difficult than she had thought and once again she felt forced to repeat her negative. "No... I can't... I..." she stammered, feeling uncomfortable and in pain as she uttered her words of refusal.

"Then I don't care about the reasons. I wasn't born yesterday and I already know the speech by heart. 'It's not you, it's me' " he said in a faking voice, which would have made Lou laugh if the situation wasn't so serious and complicated. "Please spare me. I'm a big boy and I can perfectly accept that you and I... uh... disagree in certain points."

"But Kid, I..."

"Lou, please, don't," he cut her off, lifting his palm as an indication that he didn't want to hear anything.

Louise knew that she couldn't have her say. Kid was in his very stubborn mood and had closed his ears to her. As a confirmation of her suspicions, he turned from her to go but she still had something to ask before he left her high and dry. "Kid, can't we at least be friends?"

He sighed audibly and looking at her over his shoulder, he said, "I don't know, Lou." He paused and noticing her sad eyes almost begging him, he finally said, "Just give me a little time, all right?"

Louise nodded somberly. "I'm gonna miss working with you. Actually, I'm already missing you," she admitted in a tiny voice.

Kid didn't reply and without sparing one more second he walked out, eager to leave the room that seemed to suffocate him. As he closed the door, his slumped figure stood there, feeling sorry for himself and he swung back, banging his head against the wooden surface of the door as he whispered to himself, "Me too, Lou. More than anything in this damn world."


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

On the days that followed Louise came to realize that her routine at the clinic was getting substantially harder to go through, and it wasn't because her job had changed but the fact was that her mood was very gloomy after her situation with Kid. Jimmy was a really good professional and a very cordial colleague. He had a good sense of humor which made her laugh often and he was also easy to talk to. Lou had no reason to complain about the change of her supervisors. Yet, Lou felt strangely low.

As she had told Kid, she really missed him. It was a stupid notion because she had come here to learn and not to make friends. Besides, her stay at the clinic was temporary and at the end of the year she'd have to say goodbye to Kid, Jimmy, all of them...maybe forever. Despite all that, Lou couldn't help but hurt to think of the way her friendship with Kid had ended up. He hardly talked to her on the few occasions they happened to meet, and if he did, he always looked tense and uncomfortable. Louise was positive that he was avoiding her. Through Emily she had learned that lately Kid was having his lunch at the restaurant a couple streets down the hospital. Apparently, his excuse was that the food was better and one of the new waiters there was an old friend of his. Lou knew that was just cheap excuses and the real reason was that he didn't want to see her. All this saddened Lou, but she hoped that Kid was right and with time he could simply see her as a good friend and they could go back to the way they had started.

"A penny for your thoughts."

Louise lifted her eyes to find Jimmy's amused face staring at her. They had been going through the patients scheduled for the following week and at some point Louise had just switched off and her mind had drifted away. "Sorry, Jimmy. I..." she tried to come up with an excuse to justify her absent-mindedness, but realized that all she managed to think of was a bunch of stupid lies. So she simply kept quiet and shrugged her shoulders.

"Were you thinking about our friend Kid?" Jimmy asked bluntly, wiggling his eyebrows.

"What?" Louise exclaimed, feigning surprise, and letting out a laugh, she asked, "Why are you so adamant in fixing Kid up with me?"

Jimmy chuckled. "My first reason is that I can't fix you up with me. You're too good a girl to go with the likes of me." Louise shook her head while giggling in amusement. "And secondly, what could make me happier than to see my best two friends together?"

"Oh Jimmy, you're hopeless," was all Louise said. She should get angry with him, but all she could do was laugh at his poor attempts... There was not a single day that he didn't mention Kid or didn't insist on how well-fitted he was for her. Nobody could say that Jimmy wasn't trying his hardest to help his friend even though his venture was useless.

Louise rose to her feet and walked to the examination area, trying to find something to do to avoid Jimmy's remarks and nosy questions. She knew he had something more in store and she was tired of brushing him away in vain. Lou was right and Jimmy was about to throw another quip, but stopped when a knock sounded in the room. "Come in," Jimmy called and when the door opened, a blonde head popped through the gap between the door and its frame.

"Afternoon, sir. I'm looking for Dr. Louise McCloud," the girl asked as her eyes spotted Jimmy sitting at his desk.

"Tessie?" Lou called, scuttling from her position that kept her hidden from the girl's line of vision, and as she came face to face with her sister, she said, "Please, come in."

Theresa slipped inside and then Jimmy realized that the young blonde woman was carrying a toddler in her arms. "My, my, Annie, what a big girl you're growing into since I last saw you!" Lou exclaimed as she took the fifteen-month girl from Theresa and cooed to her. "You missed your auntie Lou, didn't you? Didn't you?"

The toddler purred happily at the faces Louise was making. Theresa was dragging the stroller inside the office when she said, "If you came to see us more often, she wouldn't miss you."

"You know I'd love to, but I can't," Lou protested, not surprised by her sister's comment at all.

"Yeah, you never can," Theresa continued in a bitter tone. "Sometimes I wonder if I really have a sister."

Louise didn't reply to her comment. When Theresa got into a grumpy mood, usually about the same subject, it was better just to let her blow off some steam. She always came with the same old tune and didn't try to understand how daily life got in everybody's way and you couldn't always do everything you wanted. Theresa was married, had a baby daughter and a full-time job, which obviously brimmed her day, and Lou had many obligations herself. It was logical that they couldn't see each other as often as when they were younger, but Theresa never would admit that they both had part in the blame. She always assumed that Lou was the only one who was responsible for their lack of contact.

Louise noticed Jimmy looking between them and said, "Jimmy, as you can guess this is my sister Theresa and the baby is my beautiful niece." Turning to her sister she introduced the doctor as well.

"If I had known my sister's boss was so attractive, I'd have come sooner," Theresa quipped bluntly with a flirty kind of smile.

Jimmy grinned pleased by her compliment. "Tessie..." Lou chastised lightly. "If David heard you..."

"He'd say I still have a good taste," the young mother replied teasingly, sharing a look with Jimmy.

"And tell me," Louise continued, stopping her sister's silly comments short before she made a fool of herself in front of Jimmy, "what brings you here today?"

"I want you to have a look at Annie," Theresa explained.

"Why? Is something the matter?" Lou asked, furrowing her brow in concern.

"No, just for a normal check-up."

"Tessie, this is a gynecological clinic. Shouldn't you take Annie to her pediatrician for that?"

"Louise, no pediatrician will do a better job than her own aunt."

"She has a point there, Lou," Jimmy cut in.

"All right then. I'll just have a quick look but make sure you take her to her pediatrician for a real check-up. I don't have everything I need here. Anyway, let's see how this beautiful princess is," Louise said, carrying the baby to a little table at the far end of the room, which will make do for examining Annie. When Lou worked in Guam, she had to treat children in her daily routine, and she really loved it. Being a pediatrician was her original vocation but life had taken her in another direction, but she couldn't say she wasn't happy.

"Ladies, I'll leave you then," Jimmy said as he started walking to the door. "Nice meeting you, Theresa."

"Same here," the girl replied, smiling widely in his direction.

"See you later, Jimmy," Lou called and as the door closed behind her colleague, she started to undress the baby, and Theresa came to stand next to her.

Louise then said "You could have brought Annie home. I have my medical instruments there as well and you know... you'd have made Marmee very happy."

"I guess," Theresa replied without much enthusiasm.

"What's wrong, Tessie?"

"You know we've never got along too well. To her eyes you were always the good, bright, sensible sister and me the problematic, rebellious one."

"That's not true, Tessie!" Louise exclaimed, stopping her examination to look at her sister. "She loves you... very much and you know that. And all that about me being the good sister... you must be kidding, right?"

"Well... maybe. Yeah, we were some pair, weren't we?" Theresa quipped and Lou had to laugh as many of her childhood memories came flooding back. As a child, she was always in the middle of a mishap and her mind never stopped devising ways to amuse herself, which in turn wasn't very well appreciated by the adults. Being older than Theresa, she always dragged her younger sister along and got her in the middle of her naughty games whether she liked or not. Both of them had been grounded more often than their brother, who had always been a dear angel.

After a while a knock at the door was followed by someone calling Jimmy's name and when Lou turned around, she saw Kid showing his head through the door. "Uh...," he started awkwardly, "excuse me. I thought Jimmy had finished with his patients."

"Yeah, he has," Lou replied. "Anything I can do for you, Kid?" she quickly added when she foresaw his intentions of leaving.

"Uh... no, it's fine, Lou. My printer's broken down and I was just wondering if I could use his... but never mind. You're busy. I'll go and see if somebody else's is available."

"I'm not busy," Lou replied promptly, almost cutting him off in the middle of his explanation. "Please come in and feel free to use the printer or whatever you need to do. I was here with my family but I was just finishing."

Kid tried to find an excuse to turn around and leave, but he had used almost all of them already to avoid being in the same room as her, and it would be too evident and ridiculous to make up a silly story. He was aware that Lou was no fool and knew he was doing all he could in his power to keep away from her. Not that his shunning her was helping him in dousing his feelings and he still thought about her all the time and more. It simply hurt him so much to see her so beautiful, so wonderful and knowing that he couldn't even dream of being with her. When he saw her like now, his heart started pounding inside his chest so strongly he thought it was going to tear through his skin, his body literally shook and he felt nervous and ridiculous. Sometimes he thought he was doing the wrong thing by avoiding her because the impact she had on him was more powerful afterwards. Maybe all he had to do was to keep his feelings in check and learn to be in the same place as her without being affected by her presence.

"So you're Lou's famous sister?" Kid asked as he sat before the computer, addressing the girl as long as he didn't have to face Louise right now.

"I guess I am," Theresa replied among giggles.

As with Jimmy, Louise made the introductions, trying to sound breezy and laid-back even though she was not. She noticed that every time her eyes met his, Kid quickly looked away. The tension and strain between the two of them was thick, which filled her with real grief as she remembered all the good times they had enjoyed working together and how everything was lost now. As a way to hide how upset she was, she turned her back and continued dressing Annie.

As he waited for his documents to print, Kid shifted his eyes from the computer screen to her turned figure. Now that she couldn't see him, he unblinkingly stared at her and her soft motions with the toddler. She'd really make a good mother if she wanted. Even though he had told her he didn't care about her reasons, he actually felt curious to know why she didn't want to have a relationship or a family of her own. Kid had only known her for a short time, but had fallen for her so hard that he had already had all kinds of stupid ideas about her, including matching rings and even baby diapers.

At some point Kid realized that Lou's sister was looking at him in some kind of funny way. He blushed at realizing that she had caught him staring at Lou and smiled in her direction. "You know, apart from your blonde hair, you and Lou look alike."

"Yeah, that's what everybody says," Theresa replied as she walked to the desk and sank down in the chair opposite him. "But don't go thinking we're alike in everything else. We're actually like oil and water, especially in our personal lives. I love my husband and daughter above everything else."

As soon as Theresa started talking, Louise's eyes widened in horror and quickly turned towards her with Annie in her arms. She feared that her sister would say something that Kid shouldn't learn in this sudden way. He needed to hear the explanation from her alone and not just by a mere accident.

"Oh," Kid just let out, nodding without being sure what at. He knew the opinion Lou had about men and children, but Theresa's comment sounded kind of strange. He wasn't sure what all that meant but he refrained from asking. He then lifted his eyes and got to meet Lou's, who was staring at him with a strange expression, and he started to feel jittery again. "Uh... I'm done, Lou," he said, grabbing the stack of printed pages from the tray in the printer. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she just replied, not knowing what else to say. She hated this stiff and cold situation that had settled between the two of them. Kid could hardly look her in the eye or speak normally. This was totally ridiculous and wanted to shout and get angry at him for letting all this happen. However, she knew that things weren't that simple, and wondered whether this was partly her fault and she had let it happen though unknowingly.

"See you later," Kid said as he dashed out of the door as if he were escaping from hell.

"Sure," Louise muttered sarcastically almost to herself since he was already out of earshot. Her eyes shifted from the door he had gone through and she went down to strap her niece into her stroller as she said, "Tessie, she's perfectly fine. You have a healthy and strong daughter. Nothing to worry about. But you heed me, and take her to her pediatrician."

"What's happening here?" Theresa asked, ignoring her sister's words.

"What do you mean?" Lou said as she rose back to her feet and noticed the expression on her sister's face.

"Him," Theresa replied, pointing at the door with her thumb.

"Kid? I don't know what you mean." Louise muttered, disregarding the matter. She passed before her sister and crossed back to the examination table and busied herself with putting away everything she had used with Annie.

"You don't know!" Theresa exclaimed as she marched towards her and came to stand next to her in three long strides. "You could cut the tension with a knife! You have problems with him?"

"Maybe he had a bad day. I don't know," Louise muttered, her eyes lowered and focused on the stethoscope she had in her hand.

"Oh come on! Don't give me that! You were acting the same way."

Lou couldn't escape her sister's questioning eyes and slowly lifted her gaze to her. Before even saying a single word, Louise felt her cheeks blush hotly. "He... he... he says he's in love with me," she stammered, and flaming even more violently. This was the first time she said the actual words, which somehow made her feel strange and ridiculous.

Theresa grinned amused and without losing her composure, she asked, "And are you in love with him?"

"Tessie, for goodness' sake, what kind of question is that? This is no laughing matter!" Louise exclaimed with irritation as she scuttled to the other end of the room and started to arrange the bottles and other stuff inside the medicine cabinets, an unnecessary action, but she needed to do something... anything.

Theresa followed her and stood behind her sister. "It's just a question, Louise. Are you or are you not in love?"

The question made her cringe as if she were hearing a blasphemy. "Of course not!" Lou exclaimed as she swirled around to look into her eyes. Her sister tended to exaggerate everything and get all kinds of silly fantasies. Lou was already regretting telling her. Since very young, Theresa had had a very vivid imagination and her head always seemed to be in La La Land. Lou had always believed that this side of Theresa's personality was part of the reason why she had decided to commit herself to a man and get married so young. Theresa had met David Horne in high school, paraphrasing her own words, _'the hottest football captain in the whole city'_. Despite Lou's protests Theresa had moved in with him as soon as she had turned eighteen. Two years later she had decided it was her time to get married and only a year after getting married she got pregnant and had her beautiful baby. Lou still thought that her sister was living at lighting speed, but she had given up giving her advice, and as long as she was happy, Louise had nothing to object to it.

"It's such a shame!" Theresa exclaimed, snapping Lou out of her brief reminiscence. "He's so handsome!"

Louise had to chuckle at her comment as she added, "There spoke my sister, directly getting down to the crux of the matter, his looks."

Theresa shrugged her shoulders in indifference. "You'd have beautiful children for my Annie to play with, wouldn't they, mommy's angel?" Theresa said, crouching before her daughter, planting a kiss on her forehead, and the toddler let out a loud giggle.

"Annie, tell your mommy that she's crazy, crazy, crazy," Lou exclaimed, squatted next to Theresa and tapping her head with her index finger exaggeratedly. The toddler babbled happily at being the center of attention, swinging her arms and legs with force, wishing to be picked up from the stroller and walk instead of being sitting all this time, but to her chagrin, the two adult women ignored her signs and stood back up.

"Lou, you have to admit that it's romantic," Theresa insisted. "Having a man fall for you despite ..."

"He doesn't know," Louise quickly threw in, cutting her sister off.

"Oh dear!" Theresa exclaimed, her eyes wide as saucers. "Poor guy! I pity him, really." She paused to heave a sigh and added, "Louise, you need to tell him before he gets the shock of his life. You have to!"

"I know," Lou simply said wryly. Theresa wasn't saying anything new and she already knew she had to talk to him whether he liked it or not. It wasn't going to be easy. Kid refused to hear her out, and lately she was lucky if she got to see him during the day. And when she did, like today, his tone was curt and tense, and did her best to flee from her presence as if she were the very devil. How was she going to make him listen to her? She had to find a way.

Right now she was bitterly regretting having hidden her condition from her colleagues. Maybe if she had let everything in the open from the very beginning, she wouldn't find herself in this pickle. Never would she have believed that Kid or any other could develop that kind of feelings for her. She wasn't an expert in relationships, but she didn't think she had done anything to arouse Kid's interest... at least consciously. Moreover, if she compared herself to other women, there was nothing extraordinary in her, neither her looks nor her personality. She was quite plain, and lacked the charms that women were supposed to have.

Of course, looks weren't everything, but in all honesty, she had to admit to herself that her temper was nothing to brag about. She wasn't the easiest person to deal with and if she wrote down all her flaws on a list, she'd need a very long sheet of paper. Yet, it was true that she and Kid had hit it off almost from the very first moment, and maybe he was just confusing their bonding with stronger feelings. Of course she also felt connected to him emotionally, a logical result of their good rapport. Everybody knew that Kid was in a vulnerable position since the woman he was supposed to have married had walked away, and he was often complaining that he missed having love in his life. Maybe, Lou thought, Kid wanted to really believe that she was the woman who he could feel whole again with. Working in the clinic, they had spent many hours together and he had probably imagined that their smooth relationship at work could be transported to a more personal level. Whatever the reasons, all Louise knew was that she had to tell him the truth and urgently. But how?


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

After Theresa and Annie had left, Louise locked Jimmy's office and headed for the common room to get changed and call it a day. She was still ruminating about the tense situation she was living with Kid and how to find the right moment to finally talk to him. As she walked along the corridor, her eyes kept glued to a white paper she was holding. It was her work schedule, in which she was checking when her next night shift with Kid would be. Lou thought it would be a good opportunity to catch him alone and finally talk. Yet, her face fell as she came across the information she was seeking. Six weeks. She wouldn't share a shift with Kid for six weeks. Too long.

Louise couldn't afford to wait so long. Her eyes scanned the rest of the night shifts for the rest of the staff and she noticed that Jimmy would be working on call with Kid the following Wednesday. She could talk to Jimmy and try to change shifts with him. With all probability, like usual, there would be an emergency or a patient in labor to attend to, and after that she'd have her opportunity to talk to Kid. Of course, knowing Jimmy, she was sure he'd ask for her reasons and she'd have to do her best to stall his curiosity and keep him at arm's length.

As all these thoughts kept rolling in her head and her eyes focused on the paper, she never saw the person coming out of the elevator until she bumped straight against her. "Oh Jane, excuse me," Louise apologized. "How clumsy of me!"

"It's fine, Dr. McCloud."

"Dr. McCloud? Jane, you should stop calling me that. I'm not your doctor anymore and we now work together," Louise said.

Jane smiled in appreciation. "I'll try but it's gonna take me some time to get used to it."

"So tell me, where are you going?"

"Teaspoon sent me to find you doctors to give you the passes for the annual dinner ball," Jane explained.

"Oh yeah, the ball. I heard something about it. It's on Saturday, isn't it?" Jane nodded and Louise added, "Everybody must be getting ready to leave at this moment, so if you come with me, you'll find all of them in the common room."

The women walked in silence for a few minutes and after a while Lou turned her head to her companion and asked, "How are you getting on in your new job as Teaspoon's secretary? Are you enjoying it?"

Jane shrugged her shoulders with an apathetic expression. "I've still got a lot to learn. Ruth was the perfect secretary and I sometimes feel I won't ever fit these immense shoes I want to wear."

"That's nonsense, Jane," Lou replied. "As you've said yourself, you just need to learn the ins and outs. Give yourself time. The first days are always the hardest. It happened to me when I first came here. I even got lost in this place once. How embarrassing can that be?"

Jane laughed at the anecdote but she still wasn't very convinced of her own suitability. "I guess," was all she managed to utter.

"And how's your little boy?" Louise asked, swerving the direction of the conversation to a more pleasant topic.

Jane's face changed suddenly and a special tenderness flowed through her features. "He's a lovely and beautiful baby. My little man," the girl gushed, smiling brightly. "I'm totally crazy about him and well... he also has Buck wrapped around his little finger."

"Buck..." Lou repeated curiously. "So you and Buck...?"

"We're good friends," Jane replied. "Nothing more."

"I see."

"I know how he feels about me," Jane explained, her cheeks quickly getting a rosy tint, "but I don't think it is fair from my part to turn to him just because he's available or convenient."

"Naturally," Louise agreed with the girl's line of thought.

"He's been very patient with me, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to give him what he deserves. You know, I've been hurt and I'm scared to suffer again."

"That's understandable, Jane. You've just come out of a difficult relationship. If Buck's just offering you friendship, just take it. Don't rush yourself. You first need to close and lock the door to your past before opening a new one. As long as you and Buck know where you stand, there's no danger of painful misconceptions. But make sure that you both know."

"He's not Frank," Jane said with a tiny voice, lowering her eyes and blushing at the same time.

"Thank God he isn't!" Lou exclaimed so impetuously that it provoked a little smile in the girl.

"Dr. ... uh... Louise," Jane continued hesitantly, "have you heard from him again?"

Louise stopped just before the door to the common room and sent the girl a curious glance. "Has he been bothering you, Jane?" she asked instead of answering her question. "If he has, just tell me and I'll have a few words with him."

The young girl shook her head ruefully. "No, never." Frank had disappeared from her life completely and hadn't even tried to see his son. Jane knew she was a fool for still thinking of him and feeling grief-stricken about it, but it was an almost uncontrollable sensation she had no power over. "Have you heard from him?" Jane repeated her question.

Louise didn't reply straightaway but took her time in selecting the right words. "He sent me the invitation to his wedding. Needless to say, I didn't go." Jane nodded, feeling a stab of pain hit her straight in the heart. Louise sighed on noticing her sad countenance and added, "Jane, it doesn't do you any good to keep hoping he'd come back to you." The girl tried to protest, but Louise lifted her index finger as an indication that she hadn't finished. "He's now a married man, in another story and you need to turn the page in yours too. Jane, you're young, strong and beautiful, and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't go spoiling it. You know as well as I do that Frank is a bad element and he's not gonna change."

"I know," Jane replied in a tiny voice. What Lou said wasn't new to her and she was already aware that she was much better off without Frank. Yet, even though she wanted to deny the truth, she just couldn't. She still dreamed of Frank and if he ever came back to her, she suspected that she'd drop and spoil everything and would give him whatever he asked from her. Jane really felt very angry with herself and wanted to shout indignantly for not being able to erase that good-for-nothing from her heart and mind. She wasn't strong enough, that was the real problem.

"Enough is enough!" Lou exclaimed among giggles. "Will you listen to me? I sound like an old schoolteacher, lecturing you and using all those silly metaphors. My, my!"

Both women laughed as they went through the door, but Lou's smile faded instantly when she came face to face with Kid, who apparently had been on his way out. As Jane greeted all the staff gathered in the room, Kid stood frozen, staring intensely at Lou's big eyes which looked back unblinkingly. He had the impression that everything around them... their colleagues, their voices, their laugher... had disappeared and he simply got drawn to her beautiful black pools like a magnet. She was so close, just a few feet kept them apart, and he was strongly tempted to march towards her, take her in his arms and kiss her soft lips like nobody else had kissed her before. He didn't care if the room was full with all their colleagues or if she had said no to him several times. All he wanted was to taste her once, just once. His body almost leaned towards her as if by inertia, little by little, closer and closer, but then suddenly the magic broke as Lou ducked her head, folded her arms over her chest and quickly scurried to drop onto the sofa. Kid stood here unmoving as if he had been slapped hard on the face. His own imagination and desires were betraying and hurting him mercilessly, and the impact was such that he could hardly react and very, very vaguely he heard something that Jane was saying.

"Guys, I have your passes here for the annual ball," the newly-appointed secretary explained, showing the envelopes she was holding in her hand.

"Finally!" Cody explained as he plodded toward the girl and stood before her. "This year I'm bringing a real hottie. I can't wait for Saturday."

"That's something I would like to see," Buck quipped, sending an enticing smile at Jane. The girl stretched her lips awkwardly but they didn't form a real smile. After her conversation with Lou she was feeling a bit weird and remorseful, and she simply looked away and focused her attention on handing out the passes to the staff.

Everybody had gathered around Jane. Kid had finally snapped out of his moodiness after Jimmy had nudged him in the side when he had noticed his strange demeanor, and both of them had joined the rest of their colleagues. One by one Jane asked her co-workers the number of passes they needed and at the same time scribbling down the information in her notebook. Even though not all of them would bring a date to the ball, it was customary to buy a couple of tickets each. The funds collected in the function would go to different charities, so nobody would feel like being stingy for the occasion.

Jane thought that she was done and when she was ready to leave, she noticed Lou, still sitting on the sofa and reading one of the scientific journals they received at the clinic. "Louise, sorry. I forgot about you. Do you..."

"Don't worry, Jane. I'm not going to that thing," Louise cut in without lifting her eyes from the article she was reading.

"You're not coming?" Jimmy asked with a frown. Everybody else was staring at her with expressions of slight disapproval and in silence.

"Nope."

"How come?" Emma asked.

"No reason."

"Louise, nobody at the hospital misses the ball... apart from the ones working that night of course," Noah said. "It's our biggest event of the year."

"And Teaspoon's counting on all of his team attending it," Rachel added.

"I'm sorry but no thank you," Lou continued with her refusal, getting annoyed by her colleagues' insistence.

"Weren't you so committed to all that about mankind's welfare? That's what you said to the government guy at that memorable dinner," Cody reminded her pointedly.

For the first time Louise turned her attention from the journal and glared at her colleague in silence.

"Louise this thing is for charity... for a good cause," Ike explained.

Lou creased her forehead with slight annoyance and rising to her feet, she echoed Ike's words, "It's for charity?"

"The information is on the back of the card," Jane replied, stretching her hand to hand Louise one of the delicately designed invitations.

In silence Louise read the different causes and organizations the collected funds would be destined for. Meanwhile, she pondered whether she should attend the function or just buy a ticket. In general, she didn't like this kind of social events and on Saturdays she enjoyed her time at home, doing what she couldn't during the rest of the week. Her first intention was to say no again, but a little voice started nagging her inside and she eventually said, "All right, all right, I'll go."

"Good decision, Lou!" Jimmy quipped, smiling in her direction.

Lou didn't reply and turned over the card, curious to know the venue and the exact time of the dinner ball. When her eyes fell on the price of the ticket, she exclaimed in horror, "Two hundred dollars!"

"The money will be deducted directly from your wages," Jane explained, not getting the dramatic tone in the doctor.

"Then I don't know if I can go," Louise said, returning the card to Jane. "I'll let you know tomorrow."

Her words were followed by a chorus of protests as Louise started towards the door to the changing room. She turned a deaf ear to all of them and among the jumble of voices, a comment managed to reach her ears. "Why, Louise, it is you have to ask permission like a little girl or what?"

The words made her stop and turning around from the door, she directed her eyes to Samantha. "For once in your life, Dr. Edgars, you're absolutely right." The silly expression in Samantha's face made her chuckle as she continued her way into the changing room. It was ridiculous, Lou thought. Nothing baffled people more than when you agreed to something that they thought nobody could agree. Samantha's face was priceless and for the first time she felt kind of naughty and liked it... totally.

* * *

Wrapped in her robe, Louise walked from the bathroom back to her room after having a shower. Today was Saturday and despite all the previous fuss, she had finally decided to go to that dinner organized by the hospital. She had been thinking about it and after talking to Marmee, Lou had to agree that the occasion was well worth it. Like Ike had said, it was for a good cause. Besides, it was a good moment to hang out with her colleagues outside the hospital. She always turned down all the invitations to do something after work and she was aware that some people thought that she was kind of aloof or even pretentious. In reality, she didn't care much about those opinions, especially when those opinions came from people who had no idea what she was really like.

Lou untied the towel she had wrapped around her head and left it over a chair. Her short hair was almost dry already and she walked towards the bed to have a look at her clothes. Her mind didn't let her have a single minute's rest and kept bugging her. She wasn't in the mood to go out tonight, and even though she had made a decision, she was really tempted to stay at home. Her contribution was paid, so what if she didn't turn up? These big social events weren't her cup of tea at all. Her tastes and customs were very ordinary and outside her small world she didn't feel comfortable, especially in environments that went out of her comfort zone.

Besides this and more importantly, the matter with Kid still worried her. After talking with Jimmy, he had agreed to swap his night shift with her, and strangely he hadn't asked questions this time. So hopefully, next Wednesday she'd be able to have her outstanding conversation with Kid and explain everything to him. Maybe after that day, they could reach an understanding and continue having a friendly relationship like the one they used to have, or at least cordial enough for him to be able to stay in the same room as she was. Yet, that wouldn't happen until next Wednesday and for the moment he was still acting with the same attitude. For this reason Lou wasn't really looking forward to spending the evening at the same table as him and noticing his tense gestures or how he avoided looking directly at her.

Despite her mental ramblings, Lou had finally made up her mind and reluctantly decided to go to the function. Cody and Jimmy wouldn't leave her alone for the rest of her fellowship if she didn't turn up tonight. After all, this wouldn't do her any harm and if by doing this, she'd get away from having to accept more social engagements from now on, then let be it.

A knock at the door stopped her train of thought and she called, "Come in." Her mouth split into a sincere smile as she saw Marmee appear.

"Getting ready for the hospital bash?"

Louise nodded without much enthusiasm. "I won't stay too long... just enough for what is socially acceptable."

Lou chuckled at her own comment and Marmee took a few steps closer to the bed where Lou's clothes were spread. "Is this what you're gonna wear?" she asked, softly feeling a light pink embroidered blouse with her hand while eying a black skirt next to it.

"Yeah... Theresa sent me those last Christmas," Lou explained.

Marmee turned her scrutinizing eyes to her and asked, "Why, Louise?"

"Uh... I..." Lou started but realized that she had no answer, at least not a reasonable one, to her question.

"Are you ashamed?" Marmee asked again.

"No, of course not, Mother! How could I be?"

"Louise, I'm not going to tell you what you have to do. You're the only one who can decide about certain things. Just remember that from time to time it's good to stop and think of the reasons why we do everything." Lou nodded somberly, deep in thought, while Marmee smiled candidly. The old woman patted her on the shoulder and added, "I'll leave you now. Are you getting a taxi to the hall?"

"Uh... yeah," Lou replied absent-absentmindedly.

"Good then," Marmee said and with a final 'take care' she walked out of the room.

Louise stood here, staring at the clothes on the bed as if in a trance, and suddenly she reacted quickly as if stung. She grabbed the blouse and the skirt she had previously selected and hung them back in her wardrobe. At once she picked up another hanger and left those other clothes on the bed. She was still hesitant and even fearful about what the change meant, but she took a deep breath and shook her head to quiet the voices in her mind and before she had second thoughts, she started to get dressed.

Sliding off her robe and clad just in her underwear and slip, she sat on the soft bed and carefully pulled on her tights. Her cream skin slightly colored as the nylons wrapped around her legs. Her white shirt came next. She slowly did up the small plastic buttons at the front and once finished, she smoothed down the material, which reached well below her waist. Immediately afterwards, she pulled up her navy blue, knee-length skirt and tucked up the ends of her shirt inside its waistband. Her fingers fastened the zipper and the single button at the back with a swift motion.

It was the beginning of October and the city was already laden with a cold, wintry air. After slipping on her low-heeled pumps, Louise grabbed her navy blue cardigan from a peg by the door and put it on, making sure the white collar of her shirt rested on top of the woolen garment. Finally, the last touch. Picking up the scrap of material from the bed, she walked to the mirror and dropped it back on the small writing desk below. She brushed her short hair, making a mental note to have it cut no later than next week. It has grown on the sides and Louise lately struggled a fierce battle between the brush and her hair to leave it in decent shape.

When her hair was finally to her satisfaction, she put down the brush on the desk. For a minute she stared at her reflection in her mirror without actually seeing her image as her mind kept bugging her about the fix she was going to find herself in tonight. Now she really did want to stay in but she knew there was no turning back. She was no coward and this was the perfect way to stop all the gossip about her or maybe start new ones. Then why was she so afraid? She was very proud of who she was, and now she had realized that she had made a terrible mistake concealing that part of herself from the others. That was gonna end tonight. She was going to show up at that dumb, posh dinner, and everybody would learn about her true nature, the real "her".

Louise sighed and picking up the veil she put it on and fastened the snaps under its nape. Its loose, blue material fell flimsily over her shoulders and once again Louise looked back at herself in the mirror, but this time she studied her features carefully, her plain, colorless figure contrasted only by her glowing golden cross that hung from her neck. This was her... her true identify and a smile played on her lips. It really felt so good.

She was ready now. Time to go. She started towards the door with slow steps. Her hand grabbed the knob and before sliding out, like usual her eyes turned to the crucifix hanging on top of her single bed. She paused a minute, muttered a few words and her hand moved to cross herself. Without further ado, she walked out, strangely feeling like Cinderella on her way to the ball. In her case, though, there was no prince, no ugly step-sisters, no glass slippers. Very different. Well, she pondered as an afterthought, maybe there was a prince but unlike in the fairy tale, he wasn't going to be pleased to see her tonight, not at all.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

There was a band playing soft music at the far end of the immense hall, where a makeshift stage had been set up for the occasion. Later from that same stage a series of speeches would be delivered by the organizing entities and several more acts had also been scheduled for the occasion like an auction of several works of art and a raffle.

In the middle of the well-lit room and among dozens of others stood the round table where Teaspoon and his team were comfortably sitting. The men were dressed in elegant tuxedos and the women were wearing their finest garments, gala dresses bought for the occasion, their best jewels and even had changed their usual hairdos for this special event. Kid was sitting between Emma and Samantha, but his eyes were focused on the empty seat opposite him, which was where Lou should be sitting. With all probability she wouldn't turn up, Kid thought. Louise had been more than reluctant to join them in this function and even though she had finally got herself a ticket to the ball, she probably changed her mind and stayed at home after all. Her absence meant a considerable relief to his heart but at the same time he did long to see her as beautiful as always, however much it hurt him.

"It's a shame Sam had to be on call tonight," Emma complained. "I don't know how but I always end up attending these things by myself. If I didn't know better, I'd think that he did it on purpose."

"Steve couldn't come either," Samantha added, referring to the young doctor she was dating lately. "He couldn't change his shift."

"And what about your hot date, Cody? Has she stood you up?" Jimmy asked, an amused smirk on his lips.

"That's none of your business!" Cody grumbled. The night hadn't turned out as he'd have liked. Cindy, his date for tonight, had told him she had a previous engagement at the last minute. Women were as changeable as spring weather, thought the doctor, irritated. "But for your information, Dr. Hickok," Cody continued regardless, "I've decided to come unaccompanied and try my luck with all the beautiful, single women here when the dance starts."

"Yeah, sure," Buck quipped and everybody started laughing at Cody's poor attempts to justify the absence of the girl he had been babbling about for days.

"Gents, the night has hardly started and you're already behaving like twits," Emily complained, already used to the banter between her friends, and craning her head towards Jane, she added, "You should get used to these scenes if you plan to hang out with this bunch. They're always like this."

Jane smiled ruefully. It was very awkward when everybody assumed that she and Buck were a couple. She had agreed to come with him to this ball since they were friends and had fun together, but she didn't want to mislead him as she had told Louise. Maybe she should refrain from doing things together from now on until she had made her mind up about what she really wanted from him.

"Em, don't start moaning because you're the worst in our 'bunch'," Noah piped up.

"That's not true!" the receptionist exclaimed, feeling totally outraged.

"Honey, just admit it. You sometimes get a bit carried away," Ike added with a crooked smile.

Emily felt as if she had been slapped and betrayed by her own man. "Take that back, Ike! Take that back!" she almost shouted, her body slightly rising from her chair.

"Geez, Em, get a grip on yourself. We're in a public place!" Cody remarked.

The young woman realized what she was doing and slumped on her chair as she said, "Well, maybe it's true I get carried away... a little."

Her comment made everybody burst out laughing and reluctantly the receptionist also joined her friends in their mirth. "Sorry I'm late," a voice resounded among the laughter and they all turned to see Louise hover over them.

The table went dead quiet as everybody stared at Louise in stunned silence, but suddenly Cody guffawed loudly while saying, "Lou, what the hell do you have on? This isn't a damn costume party!"

Lou didn't reply and just smiled at him tensely. "Louise, please take your seat," Teaspoon said, tapping the hair next to him. "Lucky me! I get to enjoy your company tonight... but maybe not so lucky for you!"

Lou chuckled despite feeling kind of nervous. Teaspoon always made her laugh whatever the circumstances. As she sank down on her chair, her eyes swept round the table and she noticed how everybody but Teaspoon and Rachel were staring at her as if they were seeing a ghost, which admittedly wasn't surprising at all. Her gaze lingered on Kid briefly and she sent him an awkward smile. He kept staring at her agape, his eyes wide as saucers.

"To tell you the truth, Louise," Teaspoon continued after a while, "I'm really tempted to call you Sister seeing you in that apparel. You surely inspire awe and respect in my poor person."

Louise let out a peal of laughter. "Teaspoon, you can call me whatever you like. That's what I am, isn't it?" Lou added, this time without the slightest hint of amusement in her voice.

While the waiters served the first course around the table, the conversation between Teaspoon and Lou continued for a while. Everybody else was quiet, their eyes intent on the pair. Their stares weren't lost on Louise, who felt as if she were in the limelight, performing some kind of act for a big audience. "And are your plans still the same? I mean after your time with us."

"Oh yes, nothing's changed," Louise replied.

"What are your plans after your fellowship?" Buck dared to ask, trying to break the tense atmosphere that had settled after Lou had arrived.

"Somalia."

"Somalia! And why?" Rachel cut in, sounding as if Louise was going to be submitted to some kind of harsh punishment.

Lou had to laugh at the expression of horror in Rachel's countenance. "Well, I'm needed there, so I'm going. We have a small community in Arabsiyo in the northwest and I'll also be working with Medicus Mundi. There's so much to do there, especially with women and children. Female genital mutilation is a common practice, and often performed without the proper medical instruments, sterilization or anesthesia, which you know can lead to different infections and even death. AIDS is also a major concern. Men frequent brothels and pass the disease to their wives and of course subsequently children contract the virus too," Louise explained earnestly while she absentmindedly spun the ring that she had received the day of her consecration.

"And how long are you going to be there for?" Rachel asked again, curious about this information that was completely new to her.

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "A year... two... ten... for the rest of my life. Who knows?" Rachel made a gesture of dismay and Lou added, "I'm really looking forward to it. Actually, it's like a dream come true."

"The political situation there is kind of delicate, isn't it?" Jane piped up.

Louise smiled at the naiveté of the young girl and said, "Yeah, the civil war has been going on and off since 1991."

After Lou's reply Teaspoon remembered something. "Isn't it there that a nun was murdered?" he asked with a frown.

"Three years ago."

"In a hospital, wasn't it?"

"That's right."

"And you'll be working in a hospital."

"That's the plan."

Teaspoon arched his eyebrows and shared a brief concerned look with Rachel before saying, "You're a brave little thing then."

Lou couldn't help but chuckle at his exaggerated comment. "There are more chances for me to die of malaria than to be shot dead."

Kid kept goggling at her in total disbelief. He wanted to think that Lou and Teaspoon were just playing a joke on all of them and as Cody had said, she was simply wearing a costume. But no, he knew that this was real. He had hit on a nun, had fallen in love with her and had had more than one impure thought about her during these months. And now as he heard her talk about the dangers she was going to face willingly, his stomach lurched, feeling very frightened for her despite everything else.

"In any case," Lou continued, "dying is just an unavoidable fact in life and what really counts is what you do until that moment."

"I guess you're right," Teaspoon conceded and paused for a second before adding, "I gather Mary won't be too happy about it."

"Marmee? I mean... the Mother Superior... uh... she knows she can't protest, but she'd definitely prefer to keep me in the country and in the convent. And she'd really want me to follow her steps, but I'm not cut out for that."

"Cut out for what?" Emma asked, daring to talk for the first time. She was still surprised but deep down she could understand Lou's motivations.

"Uh … to kind of direct a convent like she does here. I'm sure in that case I'd just lead them to total disaster," Louise laughed a kind of nervous laugh.

The conversation stopped there and dinner continued. After the initial surprise, the group resumed chatting relaxedly and returned to their previous mood. Yet, Louise knew something had changed from the moment she had turned up. Apart from Teaspoon and Rachel, just Emma and a few of them addressed her. The rest seemed to be afraid of even looking at her and when she dared to make a comment, there was a strange and awkward pause, and immediately afterwards, they continued on another topic, ignoring her completely.

Lou had finally opted for keeping quiet and refrained from further embarrassment. Not even Jimmy, who was sitting by her side, would talk to her and hadn't moved his head a single inch all night as if by looking at her, he'd turn into a statue of salt. And Kid... he still had the same shocked expression since she had appeared at the table. He kept staring at her wide-eyed and he didn't bother to be discreet about it. So every time she lifted her gaze, his blue eyes were on her, boring into her very soul, which made her more uncomfortable than what she already was.

The dinner seemed to have no end as the minutes dragged and Louise felt more and more out of place. At one point, tired of all this, she had been tempted to jump to her feet and get out of there, but she had remained unmoving, enduring what the night threw in her face and making a supernatural effort to keep her composure. After all, she was no coward and she'd hold her head in pride for all it was worth. Nobody would make her feel ashamed of her elections in life... not anymore. She had already suffered many humiliations when she started in Guam years ago, and this time she would stand her ground and nobody would make her feel like a lesser person because of her beliefs. Yet, she couldn't wait for the dinner to end and when at last desserts came, she quickly wolfed down the cake she had been served. She longed to leave the place and as soon as her plate was clean, she raised her voice above the murmurs of her colleagues.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I have to go." Lou slowly rose to her feet, shrugging into her cardigan and slinging her bag over her shoulder.

"Already? Won't you stay for a little trot in the hall?" Teaspoon asked, swinging his upper trunk from side to side as an indication of what he meant.

Louise smiled ruefully, imagining how weird it would look if she'd do as Teaspoon said and get up to dance like a mad woman in her habit in the middle of the hall. Some show she'd be. Lou knew that Teaspoon was just joking like usual, especially as he seemed to notice that she wasn't feeling very high tonight. "No, thanks. I really gotta go." Lou paused briefly and sweeping her eyes around the table, she added, "Thank you. It's been... uh... interesting."

"You could say that," Cody quipped, unable to keep quiet any longer. Despite his boisterous personality, deep down he was kind of shy in some circumstances, especially when he didn't know how to act or react. When Lou had appeared, after his first inappropriate remark, he hadn't been able to say anything and had simply stared at her like all the rest.

Lou smirked at him, and without another word she turned to go.

"Lou, wait," Kid called, jumping to his feet. Louise threw him a questioning look and he added, "Let me give you a lift."

"No, it's fine. Don't bother yourself," Lou replied, smiling sheepishly but trying to convey that she really appreciated his offer.

"I'm not asking you," Kid stated in a dead serious voice. "I'm telling you."

Louise nodded, understanding the meaning behind his words. Now he wanted to talk like she had asked him repeatedly before, and he really deserved to have his say. They crossed the broad length of the hall in silence, Kid leading the way and Lou following his steps, and still without uttering a single word, they walked out and headed for the space where his car was parked.

Once inside Kid started the ignition and pulled out of there. "Kid, I..." Louise began, but stopped as Kid brought his index finger to his lips, conveying her to keep quiet. She stared at his serious face with a grave expression. Kid continued driving, a bit faster than normal and looking as if he were attending a funeral. His eyes were fixed on the road ahead and not once did he turn his head to Lou as if he was actually alone in the car. Louise noticed that he wasn't heading for her neighborhood, but she refrained from voicing her protests. Soon the car left the limits of the city and even the main road, rolling into steep dirt paths that led to the hills hovering over the city. It was very dark outside and all Louise was able to make out were the trees flashing before her eyes as the headlights lit them. She was getting a bit nervous, wondering what Kid was up to, but she still kept quiet.

After a while, Kid pulled over in a clearing and without saying a word, he got out of the car, leaving the lights on and Louise inside. He rested his body on the hood of his BMW and kept looking ahead with a blank expression. Louise followed him out of the vehicle a few seconds later. The place overlooked the city, whose millions of lights shone in the distance. The cold wind blew strongly up here and Louise wrapped her coat around her body while her hand held her veil from getting blown away. She walked a few steps closer to the edge of the hill. The air felt fresh and unpolluted, and Louise breathed in deeply to fill her lungs while her eyes took in the stunning view. "This is beautiful," she whispered, loud enough for Kid to hear, but her comment remained unanswered.

They stood in the same position for a few minutes, him leaning on the hood of his car and her standing near the edge. Louise was running out of patience and had half a mind to swirl round towards him and order him to take her home at that very moment if he didn't want to say anything. Yet, suddenly Kid's husky voice sounded behind her. "Why, Lou? Why didn't you tell me?"

Louise slowly turned around, but stood at the same distance. "I tried."

"Not hard enough."

"I really tried," Lou repeated, "but you wouldn't hear me out." Her last words had him admitting silently that she was right up to a certain degree. Louise slowly made her way to where she was and placed herself next to him. "I now know I should have told you from the very first moment. It was a mistake."

Kid carefully gazed into her eyes. Her whole figure looked strange under the car headlights and in her special attire. Yet, despite everything he couldn't help but think that she was beautiful. "It's kind of difficult to talk to you in that thing," he said pointing his finger at her head.

Louise nodded and straightaway unhooked her veil from under her nape, letting it drop on the hood of the car. "Better now?"

"You still look like a nun," Kid replied, his eyes sweeping through the rest of her plain clothes.

"Kid, I _am_ a nun."

He sighed wearily and added, "I don't know who you are anymore."

"I'm the same person... no better, no worse. Just a flawed woman and ... your friend."

"And is that something definite or are you one of those who are starting?" Kid asked.

"You mean a novice?" Kid nodded, guessing that was the word he was looking for and Louise said, "I've been a nun for over twelve years. I took my first vows at eighteen and my perpetual ones eight years ago."

"Perpetual?" Kid repeated. "That sounds pretty definite." He tried to joke about it, but all he managed was to feel even worse. "And why, Lou? Why did you want to become a nun? Did somebody break your heart or what?"

"For goodness' sake, Kid, do you think we're still in the Middle Ages?" Lou exclaimed, amused at his naiveté, but later she continued in a more serious tone. "When I was a child, my father abandoned my mother. She was penniless, without a job, sick and with three young children on top of it all. Soon we were left without a roof over our heads, and we went to a center for homeless children and women attached to a ... my convent. We were quite happy there, but my mom died a year later. The department of social services notified my dad about our special circumstances, but he had a new wife, and didn't want to have anything to do with us. I don't know how or why, but he reached an agreement; he'd pay a monthly sum for our expenses and we could remain in the center. It was for the best or otherwise, my siblings and I could have been sent to different families. Anyway, it's a long story that doesn't end there, but I don't want to bore you to death with all these details." Lou paused briefly to carry on immediately afterwards. "From the beginning I really loved how the nuns lived and worked. I got my calling at quite a young age even though I wasn't even aware of it for a while. I didn't grow up dreaming that I wanted to be a nun like girls dream to be actresses or top models. This is different. It just happened... like a revelation."

"Like falling in love," Kid added with a bitter expression.

"I guess," Louise replied. "You don't become a nun to escape from the world, but just the opposite. You become a nun because you love God and want to do His will."

"Can't you love God and also have a man who loves you by your side?" Kid asked pointedly.

"Of course you can, but it's… different."

Kid nodded even though he couldn't understand completely what she was saying. A sigh escaped his lips and looking straight into her bright eyes, he added, "This is awkward, Lou, very awkward, but ... I love you."

As his words left his mouth, a shiver ran down her spine and she tightened her coat round her body to maintain her body warmth while folding her arms over her chest at the same time. A sad smile played on her lips and she admitted softly, "I love you too, Kid."

"But not the way I'd like," he added the bit she wasn't saying.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, averting her eyes from his and turning them to the ground below.

"I don't want to create problems for you... honestly," Kid continued sincerely. "I really wish you the best and if you tell me you're happy, then I'll try to be happy for you."

"I am," Lou stated. "This is my life and I love it." Kid nodded somberly; there was nothing else to say and he started to move, ready to get in the car and drive her home, but she stopped him. To his surprise, she intertwined her fingers through his and looking up into his eyes, she said, "But there's a little thing that would make me happier." Kid stared at her wonderingly, the contact of her hand in his skin making him jittery and after a beat she continued, "I don't like the way we've been lately. It hurts me and I know it hurts you too. Kid, we respect each other, we care about each other and ... I miss you. Please, Kid, be my friend."

"I don't know, Lou."

"Please Kid," she repeated in an almost begging tone. "I'm not asking you to take me back as your trainee or to be my best pal. I just want you to treat me like everybody else, like before."

Kid knew that he wouldn't be able to do it. How could he treat her in the same way as he treated his other colleagues and friends? She was different. Nothing had changed in his heart but her eyes looked at him with such intensity, with such force that all he could do was to finally nod. The bright smile she gave him was a priceless reward and for just one of those he'd do anything she asked from him. He knew he was getting in deep trouble, but he couldn't reverse himself and all he was able to say was, "Come on, Lou. Let's get you home."


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Another day began but somehow it wasn't just another day, Lou thought as she chained her bike in her usual place and headed for the entrance to the clinic. After the day of the ball, this would be the first time she'd have to face her colleagues and know for sure what they thought about her after she had revealed her way of life. On Saturday Lou had got the impression that her friends had been shocked and not very pleased. She guessed that it was something logical, but once the initial surprise melted away, she hoped that nobody would care what her personal life was like. She had already proved that she was a good professional, and that was all everybody had to take into account, nothing else.

Sunday had come and gone. Louise really enjoyed her weekends off since she could spend time with her family and do what she couldn't during the week. On this particular one, after doing all her chores around the convent, she and another sister had taken the children from the center to the circus and it had been a delight to see the kids so excited and smiling, especially Melinda. That little girl had grown quite attached to her since the moment Lou had returned from Guam and she had to admit the feeling was mutual. Melly was a dear and Lou knew that she was going to miss her terribly the day the small girl would leave the center to go to a foster family or in case that didn't happen, Lou would eventually have to say goodbye to her when she left for Somalia in about eight months.

When she had returned from that expedition to the circus, she had had Sunday lunch with the rest of her sisters, something that she never missed under normal circumstances. Her community was a key element in her religious life and it was crucial for them to cement the relationship among all the sisters. After lunch, she had spent a couple of hours in prayer and reflection in the chapel. During her hectic week she didn't have enough time to devote herself to her spiritual needs other than the daily community prayers and it was something that she looked forward to every weekend. That Sunday had been especially satisfying and she had even had the time to visit Theresa and her family that evening.

During the day Louise had half expected to get some phone calls from her colleagues, but apart from Rachel, nobody had tried to get in touch with her. Of course she had imagined that Kid would need some time to digest what he had learned about her on Saturday. His case was somehow special and Lou had to admit that he was one of the best people she had ever met... very understanding, and she was glad that they had finally been able to talk and clear things up. Hopefully, their past problems and misunderstandings would be history, and all they now needed was to learn how to continue from this point on.

Louise climbed the steps to the clinic resolutely and walked into the reception area. She spotted Emily attending to a couple as smiling and kind as usual. "Morning, Em," she greeted but the receptionist ignored her and kept her attention focused on the people she was talking to. Louise waited for her to finish and when the elderly couple walked away, she asked, "Em, do you know if Jimmy has left something for me? I..."

"No," came the receptionist's cold answer, roughly cutting Louise off in mid-sentence.

Lou looked at her with an expression of confusion. Emily wouldn't meet her eyes, but before jumping to conclusions, Louise tried once again. "Uh... thanks. And tell me, did you have a nice weekend?" Emily didn't even bother to reply and Lou noticed her stiff countenance as she tidied her papers on her desk as a way to avoid looking at her. "Is something wrong, Emily?" Louise finally asked.

For the first time that morning the receptionist turned her cold, angry eyes to the doctor and said, "I don't like being lied to, _'sister'_."

"I didn't lie."

"Like hell you didn't!" Emily barked loudly, not caring that she was attracting the looks of people in the waiting room. "You never opened your damn mouth to tell us you were a nun and made fools of all of us!"

"You don't understand. I..."

"You're damn right I don't!" Emily continued in the same loud tone, not giving Louise a chance to explain herself. "All I understand is that you played dirty with us. First, you let all us believe you were married, and then you played with Kid's feelings and never put him right about it."

"That's not true!" Louise retorted, starting to get irritated by her unfair accusations. "I only learned a few weeks ago that he had... those kinds of feelings. Besides what happens between Kid and me is my business."

"I make it mine when somebody tries to hurt one of my friends," Emily replied stubbornly, not caring to know why Lou had had hidden her circumstances from everybody. Emily hated lies above everything else and Lou had made her feel like a complete fool. She had really taken a shine to the doctor and had thought she was a good friend, but right now all she saw before her eyes was a liar. On Saturday when she had seen Louise appear in her religious attire, Emily had felt as if she had been punched in her stomach powerfully. Watching her silently, the receptionist had been flooded by memories of her childhood. In her young days she had attended a Catholic school run by nuns. Her father had always been a sworn atheist, but her late mother had been a pious woman who had wanted her daughter to have good schooling as well as some religious education. Emily knew that her mom had meant well, but she had hated that school with all her heart from day number one and had always envied her other friends who went to public schools.

The years she had been going there had been very long and hard. She hated the discipline, her horrible uniform and all the religious stuff like the weekly mass or rosary prayers. From those days Emily most remembered Sister Anne. On Saturday when Louise had turned up, she had reminded the receptionist of her past teacher so much that she had thought she was back in those days. Sister Anne had been a young nun, full of smiles and a friendly disposition like Louise was, but in class the nun was the strictest, most horrible teacher she had ever had, and she still remembered all the times the woman had ridiculed her in front of all her classmates as vividly as if it were happening in that very moment. The day Emily had left her school, she had sworn she'd never have anything to do with nuns or religious people in general.

"Let's be clear, Lou," Emily continued in the same angry tone. "You showed your real face... good, but I don't like it a damn! You're nothing but a low, dirty liar. Nothing but that, and I don't hang out with liars. Besides, I don't like your kind. I went to a Catholic school and I know very well what you nuns are like. I don't want to get friendly with one, especially one like you."

Louise sighed sadly, her eyes glazing and her heart paining at Emily's hard speech. Tears were forming behind her eyes but she fought to hold them with all her will. "It really saddens me to hear you, Emily. I thought that from among the people in the clinic you'd be the last one I'd have a problem with. I never thought you could be so prejudiced, so narrow-minded, but I was apparently wrong."

"If you've finished, get out of here!" Emily snapped dismissively. "I have work to do!"

With a miserable countenance Lou stared at whom she had believed was her friend, realizing that nothing she said would have any effect, so she turned on her heel and walked away.

Fuming, Louise marched to her quarters. She was feeling very miserable and furious at the same time. Her intentions to avoid complicated situations had proved to be a total waste, and she was getting the same answers she had feared when she first started at the clinic. This time was even worse than her previous experiences. In a way, she could expect hostility from people she didn't know, but she and Emily had grown quite fond of each other and her attitude now was baffling and painful. Louise would hate it if she got the same treatment and reactions from everybody else, but, she told herself, she wouldn't have any more of this. Nobody would make her feel as if she was a lesser person because that wasn't it.

"Good morning," Lou greeted with a neutral voice as she stepped into the common room.

"Morning, Louise!" Emma replied in the same happy tone Lou was used to. Relieved, the doctor smiled at the midwife as she crossed the room and poured herself a cup of coffee from the pot.

Jimmy and Cody were also there and nodded their heads in greeting when she stood next to them. Louise turned her eyes to Kid, who was sitting a few feet from her, and she dared to smile at him, but much to her dismay, his face remained inscrutable. Louise looked away sullenly. She brought the mug to her lips to have a sip of her coffee when Cody's voice resounded by her side, "Why, Lou. Shouldn't you say grace before downing your drink?"

Still drinking from the mug, Louise lifted her eyes to her colleague. The smirk in his face and his mocking remark added up to her already foul mood after her confrontation with Emily. Angry, Louise thumped the mug down on the counter with such force that she spilled part of the coffee on the wooden surface. "Let me tell you something!" she started in a loud tone. "If I hear a single stupid remark, or notice anything weird against me from now on, I'll report whoever it is to the board of directors for religious discrimination! Is that understood?"

Without waiting for an answer, Lou made a dash for the door and stormed out of the room. She stamped down the corridor, not really aware of where she was heading, but all she wanted was to get out of that room and leave the presence of that bunch of thick-headed brutes. "Lou! Lou!" Without stopping, she turned her head round and saw Kid running after her. When he finally caught up with her, he asked, "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm tired of people making fun of something that is very important to me," she grumbled with a long face.

"Lou, don't take it wrong. You know what Cody is like. He was just goofing around like usual, and I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it.

Lou heaved an audible sigh, fully aware that Kid was right. "I know," she said, slowing down her pace. "I guess I'm a bit upset."

"Upset? What about?"

"Well, I had some kind of disagreement with Emily. She had taken it the hard way that I didn't tell her... you know what," Louise explained.

"Emily can be quite radical in her opinions, but you don't need to worry. She'll come around."

"She called me a liar, and didn't even let me explain my reasons," Lou complained dolefully, uncertain that what Kid said was right. Emily had sounded very sure of what she was saying, and Louise had the hunch that things wouldn't be the same with her from now on.

"I'd love to hear them too," Kid added, beckoning her to go into his office with a swift motion of his hand as they stood before its door. "The other day we didn't get to talk about it. We still have time. My first patient won't be arriving for another fifteen minutes."

Louise nodded and followed him into his office. She sat down on the chair reserved for his patients while Kid took his seat opposite her. The place stirred many memories of all the times that Lou had worked with Kid and she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by an immense wave of melancholy. At least, things seemed to be better between the two of them and Kid was talking to her... really talking and not simply the monosyllables or curt answers she was used to getting from him lately. Naturally, things wouldn't ever be the same again, but it was a start.

"Is everybody angry with me?" Louise asked after a lengthy silence, lifting her big eyes to him.

"I don't know, Louise," Kid replied, staring lovingly at her. Right now she looked like a little girl who had got herself in trouble, and he felt a strong sense of tenderness course all over his soul. "I'm not, and I don't think the rest will be either. You have to admit that it was quite a shocking discovery but we'll get used to it."

"I never intended to deceive you. I didn't see it that way, honestly. All I wanted was to protect my privacy."

"I don't understand."

"Kid, you can't imagine how hard it is for somebody like me to find a place in a skeptical, secularized society. Some people even think that because I have certain beliefs, I can't be a good professional. For a long time I've had to prove over and over again that I'm as competent and capable as anybody else... in college, at medical school, in all the places I've worked. So I thought that if people got to know me first before forming opinions based on my life choices, I'd just have to care about working and learning. I know it was a mistake, but after what I had to go through in my first year in Guam, I didn't want to face the same situations here. I really thought it was for the best."

"What happened in Guam?" Kid asked, genuinely interested.

"My first boss there was a total nightmare," Lou replied, making a dramatic gesture. "I don't know if he had some sort of extreme ideology or what, but I just know he made my first year there impossible. Every chance he got he humiliated me, looked down on me, despised my opinions and made fun of me in front of the patients and the other members of the staff. Used to tell everybody that I didn't know the first thing about medicine, that I was some kind of voodoo and my only method to treat patients was to simply resort to prayer. Of course I pray and I believe in the power of prayer, but I'm also a good doctor. You can imagine that with my fiery temper I had more than a few words with him, and more than once I was close to losing my post there. Thank God, he got himself a promotion, was transferred to the capital city and from then on, everything went smooth for me, especially when everybody got to know I could be a nun and a good professional at the same time."

"We all know you are," Kid said after her long account, now fully aware of the reasons why she had kept so secretive about her life.

Louise smiled and gazed into his blue eyes for a couple of minutes. "You see, Kid?" she asked after that silent lapse.

"What?" he let out in confusion, averting his eyes uncomfortably as hers seemed to bore into his very soul.

"We can still be friends," she replied with a hopeful smile.

"I guess," Kid concluded curtly. He didn't know why she insisted so much on her desire to remain friends with him. Why did she care? He had promised her that they would have a cordial relationship, but he wasn't sure if they could be friends without further implications. Her sole presence overwhelmed him beyond measure and even though during the weekend he had repeated to himself over and over again that he really needed to forget Lou for once and all, he knew he was a goner as soon as he saw her. "I already told you, Lou," he added. "I don't know if that's possible."

Her smile faded instantly and the sadness showing in her eyes was such that it pulled at his heart. He hated seeing her look so sad and in an attempt to raise her spirits, he said, "You know something, Lou?" When he was sure he had her attention, he continued, "I've had a very interesting conversation with your boss."

"With Teaspoon?" Lou asked with curiosity.

"No, your big boss... you know, the one up there," he replied, pointing his thumb upwards.

Louise grinned. "And what has He told you?"

"We're trying to reach an agreement," Kid explained, his eyes shining in amusement. "If He lets me have you, He can choose another girl instead... or maybe even two."

"And has He answered you?" Lou continued.

"Well, He's gonna think about it. He knows I'm a good guy and I've promised that I would take care of you," Kid replied in jest but his words bore a great dose of truth. "I warn you, Lou. I have the impression I have many possibilities there."

"Do you?"

"You said it yourself, you believe in the power of prayer, don't you?" Kid continued, his teasing tone has dropped and now he sounded very serious.

"Yeah, I do," Louise replied in a soft voice, feeling uncomfortable by the tone the conversation was getting.

"But things aren't that simple, are they?" Kid finally concluded.

Louise didn't respond and simply kept staring at him with a grim expression. Minutes went by as they remained in the same position, in silence and simply looking at each other. A sharp knock at the door snapped them out of the moment and they turned to see Jimmy leaning against the door frame. "Are we supposed to work today, Dr. McCloud?" he asked and Louise straightaway rose to her feet to follow him. "Don't think that because you have contacts with the Pope himself, I'm gonna be more lenient with you from now on," he added with a crooked smile.

Lou knew that this was Jimmy's way to let her know that he was good with her, which meant a total relief to her jumbled mind. Hickok ambled out of the office and before following him, Lou stopped at the threshold and turned her head towards Kid. She cast a brief glance in his direction and gave him a sad smile, and without further ado, she simply walked away.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

It was a foul day, pouring with rain, the sky clapping with thunder and the wind whistling powerfully all over the city. Louise drove one of the community cars towards the hospital. It was an old vehicle that from the rickety sound of its engine seemed to be living its last days of existence. The windshield wipers weren't strong or fast enough to get rid of the layer of water that fell from the cloudy sky, so Lou had to drive as carefully and slowly as possible. She was having as nasty a day as the weather outside her car. That morning she had been forced to call the hospital notifying them that she'd be arriving a few hours later since the night before she had been involved in an unwanted situation, and today she had had to sort out a few extra details.

It was midday when Lou finally pulled in the hospital's covered parking site. When she stopped the engine, she had a quick look at herself in the rear view mirror and immediately afterwards she put on her black sunglasses and got out of the car. As she quickly crossed the parking lot, her eyes kept scanning a stack of papers she was holding. This evening she had an interview with Teaspoon and other members of the commission in charge of supervising her fellowship to talk about her progress in the clinic. She was a total nervous wreck since she had been unable to study or had a look at her notes or the journal she kept of her daily experiences, so she was quite afraid that she was going to make a poor show of herself in front of those people. Besides, she wouldn't need to say a single word for that. As soon as they saw her, she'd make a bad impression of herself. Why did something strange always happen when she was in the middle of an important situation? It was as if she was being tested in some kind of crazy race and she really couldn't see the point of it.

Two weeks had passed since the day everybody had learned about her special circumstances, and Lou had to admit that everything had turned out better than she had thought. Apart from Emily who to her chagrin had stopped talking to her, everybody else seemed good about it. There hadn't been a single problem with any of her colleagues and Lou was naturally very satisfied. It was a relief to be able to show herself as she was without fear. It really felt good.

Even her relationship with Kid had smoothed. Of course they weren't as close as they used to be. Somehow there was an invisible wall that kept them apart at a safe distance. Lou knew how he felt and she didn't want to cause him any more inconveniences, and she guessed he kept his distance for the same reasons. It was a real shame, but at least whenever they encountered each other, Kid didn't ignore her and they could talk like two normal people. Maybe one day when he had got over his infatuation, they could become good friends again. Perhaps, it was just wishful thinking, but then why couldn't she dream?

Still with her nose stuck on the papers, Louise continued crossing the parking lot, so she never saw a huge car that was badly parked with its bumper protruding from its parking space. Louise bumped straight against it and all her papers fell from her hands, scattering over the ground to her feet.

"Oh my," she exclaimed with a dismayed expression as she let her knapsack drop from her shoulder and crouched before the car to pick up her papers. While she was still fighting to recover the documents, having to even get down on her stomach to reach under the big car where a stray paper had fallen, she heard the soft rumble of a car pulling in the parking lot. Lou didn't even look up when it passed by her and parked a few cars away from where she was. The sound of two doors opening and closing simultaneously told her that there were a couple of people and then a feminine voice echoed in the silence of the place.

"Oh Kid, I like your car nearly as much as I like you."

Hearing Kid's name, Lou felt curious about the woman who was obviously with him. Her voice didn't sound familiar, and Louise stopped her searching and squatting behind the car and pulling her black shades on top of her head, she dared to take a peek. In the middle of the passage between two rows of cars Kid stood with a young lady. The woman had her hands hooked around his neck and her fingers kept playing with his sandy curls at his nape. _He needs a good haircut_, Lou thought as she watched them from her hideout. She recognized the woman as one of the waitresses who worked in the restaurant opposite the hospital, which Kid had started going to when they had had their disagreement. Lou couldn't see his expression since his back was turned towards her, but from the woman's gestures and their body language she could tell that those two were in very friendly terms.

"I'll see you tonight," Kid said.

"Be prepared, little doctor," the woman added in a velvety flirting voice. "Last night will be nothing compared to what I'm gonna make you feel tonight."

From her hidden position Lou made a gesture of disgust as she watched the woman's open mouth capture his lips. They kissed for a minute before Lou's bewildered stare and then Kid pulled away, uttering the words Lou was wishing to hear. "I gotta go."

The woman grinned wickedly and once again she leaned over and crashed her lips against his. Lou's eyes widened in horror as she saw the woman slide her hand inside his pants at the back and after rummaging there for a while, she finally pulled out his shirt tail.

"Oh God," Lou whispered, totally shocked, and fearing what she might see, she ducked her head behind the car and leaned her crouched body against the car frame. The sounds of slurping and smacking echoed too close and totally disgusted, Lou pressed her hands against her ears. Her body slid down the car bodywork until she was nearly sprawled on the ground. "Please stop that and go away," she voiced silently over and over again, still with her hands over her ears. After a few minutes, she dared to lower her hand from her head and as she didn't hear any suspicious sounds, she dared to slowly crane her neck from behind her car. Her heart racing wildly, she feared what she might still find, but fortunately, she was able to breathe out relieved when she found the place empty. Lou could make out the woman in the distance, walking towards one of the exits, but Kid was nowhere to be seen.

Without wasting any more time, Lou quickly picked up the rest of her papers, shoved them into her knapsack and dashed towards the clinic. When she reached the common room, she was glad that there was nobody around. With a little luck she could go through the rest of the day without coming across any of her colleagues. Today she was scheduled to receive a few patients on her own as part of her training and write a report that Jimmy would review the following day. So if she wanted, she didn't even have to see her supervisor.

Lou hung her overcoat in her locker and slid into her white uniform. Turning to the side, she had a glimpse of her face in the small mirror she had attached to the metal door. Her whole countenance scrunched at the image of her battered face and her hand came to touch her sore cheek. She definitely looked worse than when she had got up this morning. The area between her jaw and left cheek had swollen slightly more and her blackish eye seemed to be more noticeable. The cream she had applied to her face last night and this morning wasn't really working and Louise couldn't help but think of this evening's interview with apprehension.

Yet, despite her logical worries about her meeting, this wasn't what filled all her thoughts. Actually, she couldn't stop thinking of what she had witnessed in the parking lot... Kid and that woman. She wondered how long they'd been together and whether Kid was serious about her. By the way they had kissed and touched, Lou could swear that they were dead serious. Louise cringed as she remembered the woman's lewd language and her hands groping Kid's body. In any case, it wasn't her business at all. If he had finally got himself a girl then, good for him. She was nobody to judge who he hung out with. He was a grown-up man and should know what he wanted to get himself into.

Lou slammed her locker door closed and walked to the door which separated the changing and common rooms. To her dismay she could hear voices on the other side and stopped just before the door. She didn't want to come across anybody, so maybe she'd better wait for them to leave and then she'd get out of here. She could distinctly hear their laughter and voices, and recognized Noah, Kid, Cody and Emily. She felt ridiculous for this hiding game, but she just didn't want to cause a stir among her colleagues.

As she stood behind the door, some comments reached her understanding and she knew that they were talking about Kid's new girl. Curiosity got the best of her and after briefly debating with herself whether she should eavesdrop, she finally gave in to temptation and ever so slowly she opened the door just an inch to hear what they were saying.

"So how long have you been uh... romping around with this...?"

"Gwen," Kid filled in for Jimmy.

"So how long have you been with this Gwen, Kid?"

"A week... more or less."

"Wow! A week!" Cody exclaimed, guffawing loudly. "That's more than what I've ever lasted with a woman. I usually get bored on the second day."

"Yeah, sure," Jimmy replied sarcastically and turning to the rest, he added, "He just means that they can't stand him more than a couple of days."

Kid and Noah chuckled at their friend's comment while Cody sent them an angry glare. Emily sighed, tired of the same story and before the men get caught in one of their long banters, she asked, "So do you like her?"

"Yeah... yeah," Kid responded lightly. "She's a nice girl... funny, easy to talk to, pretty." He hated when his friend submitted to the third degree every time he tried his luck with a new girl, but there was no way he could avoid their inquisitiveness. Kid had learned that it was better to give them the answers they wanted and then they would leave him alone.

"I thought you'd give yourself some time to get over things," Noah added pointedly.

Kid sent him a questioning look, but soon it dawned on him what his colleague meant. "You mean Lou?" Noah nodded and Kid continued, "How long am I supposed to brood over something that is clearly impossible? You all know that. She has her life and I have mine, that's it."

From her hidden position behind the door Lou heard Kid's words with a hurt expression. His dismissive tone and the way he talked about that woman made her feel awkward and upset. Her stupid vanity and pride were playing havoc with her and made her perceive the reality in a very strange way. Kid sounded happy, which was exactly what she wished for him, and of course he was right in his opinions. He needed to stop hoping that something might happen between the two of them, and that was exactly what he was doing. Having a new woman in his life meant that he was on his way to solve the issues he had with Lou once and for all. The thought should make her pleased, but somehow there was something that kept disturbing her and she knew what all this was about. Stupid, her stupid vanity. After all, she was no better than other women and she also tended to be a bit vain, so now she somehow felt betrayed in her pride by his quick change of heart.

"I think you're right, Kid," Emily said after his comment. "Isn't she married to God? She already made her bed, so you now have to make yours and forget about any devious characters."

"Em, don't be so mean," Kid chastised slightly annoyed. He knew that Emily wasn't on speaking terms with Louise and felt that she had betrayed her trust and friendship. Kid had to admit that the receptionist had a right to feel this way, but despite everything, he just couldn't help but feel irritated if somebody said anything against Lou. He still had deep feelings for her. Going out with Gwen was proving to be a good distraction for his heart. As he had said, he really liked the girl and had fun with her. Maybe things could progress nicely in the future. Right now all he wanted was to enjoy himself and be in a relationship without complications. And from what Gwen always said, she didn't want any commitments either.

Emily didn't reply to Kid's reproof, but sent him an irritated glare, silently responding to his words. "And now the important bit," Cody announced mischievously with a big, silly grin. "Did you have sex with her?"

"Cody, what kind of question is that?" Kid exclaimed annoyed, looking around him to get support from his other friends, but all their faces told him that he was alone in this and they were also interested to know. "I'm not going to answer that!" he stated stubbornly, jumping to his feet and turning his back to them.

"Oh Kid, you're so obvious!" Emily laughed. "You don't have to say a word. Your red cheeks give you away."

"He still blushes like a teenager that has been caught smooching somebody's daughter," Jimmy added teasingly.

"Don't you have to work?" Kid asked pointedly, trying to stop their mockery. They were going too far and their excessive nosiness was getting on his nerves. He was very particular about his private affairs. It was fine to share the news in his life with his friends, but there were matters of delicate nature that he just couldn't talk so freely about.

"Remember we have a meeting here in ten minutes?" Noah replied with a big smile. "You won't be able to get rid of us so easily."

Hearing Noah's words, Lou's face fell. There was no way she could wait for them to go before making her appearance because they wouldn't leave. So she'd have to leave her hideout and face the music. She slowly counted to fifty, placed her sunglasses on her nose and took a folder out of her knapsack. Breathing in deeply, she opened the door and stepped in.

"Afternoon," she muttered, crossing to the other side from where her colleagues were with the folder opened out before her eyes, pretending to be totally engrossed in its contents. When she reached the limits of the room and found herself in front of a bookcase, she started looking for a book and took the first one she came across.

"I better go," Emily said as soon as she saw Lou appear, casting her a dirty look, which of course Lou never saw since her back was turned to them. "Kid, have a good time with your girl tonight," she added before leaving the room. "I'm glad that an honest girl caught your eye for a change."

"Uh thanks," Kid mumbled. He knew that the last part of her words was directed to Lou, and he just felt in a very awkward position, not sure what to say. Accepting Emily's comment implied that he also thought that Lou was not honest, but he just couldn't retort, making a scene and embarrassing Lou. So he simply stood silent with a weird expression. Apart from all this, mentioning another woman in front of Lou made him feel as if he was cheating on her however silly that sounded. Two weeks ago he had told her he loved her and now he was in a relationship with somebody else. It was silly but deep down he didn't want her to think that he was fickle or his feelings for her hadn't been real.

"Lou," Jimmy called showing a few folders he had taken from his briefcase. "These are the files of the patients you're to see this afternoon. You better take a look now."

Jimmy left the folders on the table where they were sitting and Louise felt forced to leave her position and join them. "Thanks," she said morosely, walking to them with her head hanging low.

Like his friends, Cody noticed her black sunglasses, and as he was known not to waste an opportunity to tease, he quipped, "Is it that sunny outside, Lou?" The heavy rain could still be heard falling outside and the sky was almost as black as if it were night instead of the middle of the afternoon. Without thinking it twice and very irritated, Lou turned glaring eyes to Cody, which of course he didn't notice behind her black shades.

"What the heck happened to you?" Kid asked in a loud tone as he immediately noticed the swelling on her face and leaving his seat, he crossed to her in just a couple of strides. Before Lou could react, he put his index finger under her chin and tilted her head towards him. Her face was very sore and she let out a weak whimper as she felt his fingers softly brushing against her cheek. "Lou?"

Louise knew that there was no point in hiding herself any longer so she removed her glasses gruffly which revealed her bruised eyes while she said, "I had an accident."

"An accident?" Noah reported in a skeptical tone. "Did you accidentally fall on somebody's fist several times or what?"

"Who did this to you, Lou?" Kid asked, his eyes studying her face carefully.

"Nobody."

"Nobody? Have you seen your face? It looks as if a herd of elephants had stomped all over you!" Kid continued in a loud tone.

"I told you I had an accident!"

Noticing that the tempers between their two friends were flaring and not wanting to be caught in the middle, Noah, Jimmy and Cody decided to leave them alone. Neither Kid nor Lou noticed their absence as they continued their argument in the same angry tone. "Lou, what happened?" he insisted more calmly.

"That's none of your business!" Lou barked so impetuously that sharp pain coursed all over her face. She let out a sharp yelp and brought her hand to cover her sore cheek.

"Lou..." Kid called with a softer tone and dared to rest his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it comfortingly.

Louise lifted her eyes to him and noticing the sincere worry in his blue gaze, she said, "I kind of got in the middle of something and received a couple of blows that weren't meant for me." She didn't know why she had reacted so furiously before when he had obviously shown his curiosity and concern... maybe it was last night's occurrences, or the bad weather, or her nerves talking because of tonight's interview. Who knew?

Kid waited for her to explain herself further, but she didn't say anything else. "Are you using something for that swelling?" he asked, not sure what else he could say without sounding too pushy. He didn't want to get in another fight with her if she didn't want to talk about it. Kid was worried about her and couldn't help but feel very angry with the person who had hit Lou so shamelessly. No woman should have to stand abuse and even though Lou had tried to disregard the matter, he knew that her face couldn't look that bad as a result of a couple of blows by mistake. But if she didn't want to tell him, there was nothing he could do.

They remained in silence for a few moments, and it occurred to Kid that this was a good occasion to talk to her. "Lou, I.. I have something to tell you." She looked at him curiously and he added, "I... I'm seeing someone."

"Oh...yeah," Lou replied clumsily, plastering a big smile on her lips. "You know? I think I got a glimpse of you with somebody in the parking lot."

"Her name's Gwen. She works at the restaurant across the street. I... I met her there. We kind of started talking one day and well... you can imagine the rest," Kid explained awkwardly. He found it very difficult to talk to her about this and he could even feel his cheeks flaming as if they were about to explode.

"That...that's... that's great," Lou remarked in a stammering voice.

"I feel you needed to know after what happened... well... actually after what didn't happen between us."

"Of course. I understand and I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Kid replied softly, lowering his eyes to his hands which kept toying with the wooden surface of the table. Her presence still affected him greatly but he was positive that he'd forget about her eventually or at least he had to try with every ounce of strength in his body.

"Do you love her?" Lou asked suddenly.

"What?" Kid exclaimed with a stunned expression, lifting his eyes back to her.

"Do you love her?" she repeated, not really catching the impropriety of her question at all.

"I don't know, Lou. We're just starting," he replied gruffly, annoyed that she could ask something so personal and obvious.

Louise gave him a look of utter disapproval and before biting her loose tongue in time, she exclaimed, "You don't know! You don't know and you already slept with her!"

"What do you know?" Kid rejoined, raising his tone considerably.

For some strange reason Louise was feeling very angry again and her fiery temper showed in all its grandeur. "I saw you in the parking lot, making a nice show of yourself! That woman's paws were all over you in a public place... acting like a couple of beasts! It was disgusting!"

Kid didn't know whether to feel totally embarrassed to have been spied on or to feel furious about her uncalled-for comment. "Look at Sister Prude talking!" he retorted sarcastically. "Listen to me. My personal life is personal! What I do or don't do is just my business! If you're repressed and narrow-minded, that's your problem, not mine!"

The slap he suddenly felt on his cheek after his comment was so hard that it reverberated in the silence of the room. Kid automatically brought his hand to his throbbing cheek with a stunned expression as he watched her scramble to her feet, almost tipping the chair over, and dash out of the room as if she couldn't get out of there quick enough. As the sound of the slamming door, Kid made a regretful, bitter gesture. He shouldn't have lost his head so easily and made that cruel comment, but he hadn't been able to control himself. Her words and attitude had made him mad. Now he had really blundered it with Lou and with all probability she would never say a word to him again. Later or maybe tomorrow he'd try to apologize to her, and hopefully she'd be understanding. After all she was a nun and her philosophy was all about forgiveness and stuff, wasn't it?


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

It was very late when Louise was finally able to leave the hospital. The interview she had had with the commission had been going on for hours and at some point Lou had thought that it would have no end. At least, it had gone better than she had first imagined. Louise had been able to talk coherently and answer their questions without stammering or getting nervous. The condition of her battered face hadn't been a problem either. At the beginning of it, Teaspoon had made a light comment about her bruised countenance which had made everybody smile, including her and from that point on Lou had felt more relaxed and had been able to perform successfully.

Louise breathed in deeply, filling her lungs with fresh air as she stood at the clinic door. It really felt good to finally escape those four suffocating walls. Her eyes lifted to the black sky where she could make out several glowing stars. The rain had ceased a couple of hours ago and the night promised to be a peaceful, mild one.

Lou started towards the entrance to the parking lot to retrieve her car. As she walked, her mind wandered to the confrontation she had had with Kid that afternoon. All through the rest of the day she had been chastising herself for her outburst and the tremendous slap she had given him. What the heck had prompted her to talk to him like that? Naturally he had felt offended, and his subsequent remark had served her right for sticking her nose in a matter that didn't concern her. She might not approve of his ways, but that didn't give her the right to judge him. _'Judge not, that you may not be judged'_ was what the Holy Bible said, but she sometimes had problems sticking to it. She often felt she was in possession of the only truth, and she really needed to be a bit more humble and accept others as they were. With Kid she had gone too far. Later she had had every intention to go and apologize to him, but she was actually very ashamed of her own behavior and hadn't had the guts to face him.

Louise walked into the deserted parking lot and headed for her car. The sound of heavy steps echoed very close. Lou stopped and turned round but she didn't see anybody. When she resumed her walking, the steps were heard again, closer and closer. She was starting to feel alarmed as she quickened her pace and the steps behind her did the same. "Who's there?" she called, stopping and looking around herself.

A few seconds passed and then a voice sounded, "It's me, Sister."

She saw a man coming from behind a car and as she recognized him, she frowned in confusion. "Vinnie, what are you doing here?" It was one of the poor souls that hung around the convent, the same one that had scared Rachel the day she had stayed there.

"I got lost," the man drawled with a goofy grin, his eyes continuously looking everywhere but at her.

"Come on," Lou said with a smile. "I'll drop you at your place." The man followed Louise as she continued towards her car when suddenly a hand grabbed her by the neck, pushing her against a car with great force. Louise let out a scream as her body hit the vehicle bodywork, and when she turned to look, her eyes came face to face with a very familiar figure.

"Sister, we meet again," a young man said ironically as he walked closer to her. "What a happy coincidence!"

"What do you want, Curtis?" Lou asked, doing her best to sound calm and cold when she actually wasn't. Her feet slowly slid to one side, moving automatically away as she tried to get a way out of there.

"Not so fast, Sis," the man roared while his hand clutched her neck forcefully and hit her head against the car. Louise whimpered painfully, feeling more and more scared by the minute. "You don't really want me to finish off what I started last night, do you?" the man asked threateningly as his free hand traced the wounds on her face.

"Curtis, you told me you wouldn't hurt her," Vinnie said in his squeaky voice as he came closer to them.

"Get out of here, idiot!"

"But you said..."

"Get the hell out of here!" Curtis barked, pushing him strongly, which made the other man fall on his back.

The murdering look he gave Vinnie was so frightening for his limited brain that he scrambled to his feet and clumsily shout of he place as he shouted in a sobbing voice, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Sister Lou... so sorry."

Curtis turned his attention to Louise, who was trying her hardest not to be affected by his threatening presence. "Alone at last," he snickered, slowly coming closer to Louise, his body almost touching hers. In a reflex reaction she tried to take a few steps back but her body was already pressed against the car and she couldn't move an inch. "Where are my wife and son, Sister?" the man asked with a no-nonsense expression.

"I don't know."

The punch she received caught her off guard and her head bumped against the car once again. "Like hell you don't know!" he barked loudly, his voice reverberating throughout the whole place.

Lou was panicking as the old sensations came back to her full force. The smell of blood was so intense that she could almost taste it in her mouth. She was feeling nauseous and had to inhale deeply, trying to ignore the sensation that her body was covered in blood. Her mind reeled, wondering what this man intended to do. At this time of the day, hardly anybody could be found in the parking lot for the staff but Lou desperately wondered where the security guard was. Curtis wasn't acting very discreetly and if the security guy were at his post, the shouts should have already reached his ears.

"You, nuns from hell, can't keep my family from me! My wife's place is with me, her husband!"

"Not when the husband is an abuser!" Lou answered back loudly, not sure where she was getting the energy from to stand her ground and pretend that she was comfortable with the situation. In reality, she was feeling very weak and thought that at some point her legs wouldn't respond and she was going to fall.

"They're my property and you have no right!" the man continued and at the same time delivered another powerful punch to her face that threw her onto the ground. His right foot rose to kick her, but, foreseeing his intentions, Lou rolled across the ground, trying to get away from him. Yet, at some point Curtis was quicker and his booted foot finally hit her square on her head with great force, which made her lose grasp of the reality around her for a moment. The man quickly threw himself on top of her and turning her body face up, he straddled her. Lou's eyes opened in total horror and she almost stopped breathing as she felt his body press in her lower trunk.

"Please, leave me alone, please," she begged desperately as the tears brimmed her eyes.

"I'm gonna kill you, dirty bitch! You and your bunch stole what I most love and you're gonna lose something too, your life!"

From the pocket of his jacket the man took out a cleaver. The cold shine of its sharp metal surface reflected on her face ominously and as he lifted his hand, armed with the cleaver, all Lou was able to do was close her eyes tightly and let out a piercing, terrified scream while her reeling mind silently sent up the Lord's Prayer. The blow that she expected would end her life never came and in the fog her mind had become she managed to hear the cleaver clanking down beside her and feel his body strangely being lifted as if pulled by a strong force.

Groggily she opened her eyes and to her utter surprise she saw Kid, his face red with sheer anger, delivering blow after blow to Curtis, who the doctor had pressed against a column. For a few moments Lou couldn't move and simply kept staring at the scene before her eyes. She had never seen Kid so angry before or using violence against anybody. That good-for-nothing Curtis was practically plasticine in Kid's hands and fearing what he might do, Lou hurried to stop him. Clumsily she scrambled to her feet and came closer to him.

"Kid," she said, resting a hand in his tense shoulders, "just let him be. He's just a poor devil. Please."

Kid turned his eyes towards her and stopped his punches at once. Curtis fell heavily on the ground, but the doctor didn't even bother to have a second look at him. "How... how are you? He asked, his voice shivering from the anger he was still feeling.

Lou was still trembling with fear and could hardly talk. "I... I don't know," she finally managed to voice.

Not caring about anything else, Kid threw his arms around her petite body, hugging her close. He just wanted to make sure that she was really fine, unharmed. When he had walked into the parking lot and had caught sight of a man hitting Lou and threatening her with that huge cleaver, an uncontrollable fury had taken hold of his whole soul. Before he knew what he was actually doing, he had thrown himself against the man blindly. For the first time in his life, he had really wanted to kill a man, a man who was beating the woman who meant the world to him.

Lou let him comfort her and wrapped her arms around his waist. She had been so frightened, really believing that Curtis was going to kill her, but little by little her odd sensations disappeared and she tried to regain her composure. After a while, she tilted her head up to him. "Are you all right?" Kid repeated again and despite still feeling shaken, Lou managed to nod.

In that moment the security guard came running towards them and told the doctors he'd take care of the man and call the police. Lou accepted when Kid suggested going back inside the clinic. Her face showed new bruises and wounds from the blows and kicks she had now received. In his office Kid cleaned her bruises, especially taking care of a nasty gash behind her head, result of the several bumps she had taken against the car. Kid had even insisted that they take an X-ray to make sure that there was no further damage, which she agreed to unwillingly. Louise was still feeling shaken and had no energy to fight him, so she simply let him do as he wished.

Kid had cleaned her wounds with a firm hand but he was actually shaking like jelly inside. Never before had she been this close to her and naturally he had never had the chance to touch her face like he was doing now. His whole body reacted to her presence and Kid hoped she didn't realize the powerful effect that she still had over him. He told himself that he should see her as if she were just a patient. However, the image didn't work, but actually it had the opposite effect, as his mind wandered to the kind of examination he usually performed at his daily work. He silently scolded himself and tried with all his will-power to concentrate.

About an hour later a couple of police officers turned up in his office. Louise told them what had happened in the parking lot, all the details, but she consciously let the bit about Vinnie out, and as she talked, Kid stiffened, fearing what could have happened to her if he hadn't appeared. His heart pained terribly, thinking that if the worst had taken place, Lou's last memory of him would have been of those horrible words of his. The notion that she could now be dead filled him with so much grief and despair that he really felt like crying. He longed to take her in his arms, to make sure once again that she was there for real, safe and alive but he didn't move an inch and simply kept listening to her voice as she continued talking to the two police officers.

When the police had left, Kid suggested going to the cafeteria to have a hot drink. Despite her calmed demeanor, Kid knew that she was still pretty shaken and a nice herbal tea would do her good. They had their drinks in silence, both deep in thought. The place was deserted at this time of day and apart from them, there was nobody else but the cafeteria staff. Suddenly Louise realized that she hadn't had the time or occasion to express her gratefulness to him.

"Kid," she whispered, "thank you for saving my life. I'm sure that guy would have killed me."

Kid cringed at her words as the image of her lifeless, bleeding figure sprawled on the ground flashed before his eyes. "Can I ask you something, Lou?"

"Anything you want. After what you've done for me, you've earned the right to ask me anything," Lou replied, trying to raise the mood between them.

"When you talked to the cops, I didn't quite understand what you had to do with that Curtis guy."

"Actually nothing," Lou answered, turning her eyes to the window through which the city nightlife passed before her. "He's a crook, a drug addict and an abuser. His wife has suffered all kinds of physical maltreatment and his last famous deed was to burn down his own apartment with her and their baby son inside. Fortunately, nothing happened to them. He was obviously sent to prison and his wife and son have stayed at our center since that day. A couple of weeks ago he was released from jail and when he found out where his wife and son were, he came to claim what, according to him, was his by law. He's been pestering and threatening all of us during all this time. And last night he came with the intention of carrying out his threats. He stood at our door, crying that he was going to set fire to the convent and burn us all alive. Of course we called the police, but I feared what he might do in the meantime, so I had another one of my bright ideas and decided to face him on my own and try to calm him down."

"And he hit you," Kid filled in for her.

"Yeah, he did. You can't imagine the chaos he caused. Poor Sister Yvette! She's in her nineties and the poor dear almost had an attack."

"And what happened in the end?"

"The police finally arrived, but he scurried away like a cowardly dog," Louise explained. "Paula and her son have been relocated in another center where they'll be safe. This morning there were a couple of cops keeping guard at the convent in case he returned, so I imagine he just tried to find other means to get what he wanted or... get his revenge."

"I'm sorry," Kid let out sincerely and after a pause he added, "I can't say I don't know that kind of man." Louise frowned confused and her colleague continued with a tired voice, "My father was like him. Used to beat my mom, my brother and me. It still burns me inside when I remember all the times he hurt my mother... not only with his fists and I just couldn't do a thing about it."

"Kid, you were a child," Lou said softly, reaching to rest her hand over his comfortingly.

Kid felt his body tremble at the contact with her skin, and dared to intertwine his fingers with hers and to his relief she didn't remove her hand. With their hands joined, he continued after a beat, "I know that. Fortunately, he left us... but not soon enough. All I regret is that my mother didn't get to live the carefree life she deserved. She died too young, but sometimes I think I didn't do enough for her."

"I'm sure that's not it, Kid."

"You know something, Lou?" he continued with a somber air. "I've always dreamed of having my own family. I know I could be a good father and husband... nothing like my father. I'd kill... literally if anybody dared to harm my family... even myself. But well, you can see there's not been much of a chance to prove myself in that department so far." The doctor made a bitter gesture and directed his eyes to the window and the dark night outside.

"Kid, I know you'll have a fine family one day and you're gonna be a terrific father and a loving husband. They'll love you dearly," Lou replied without the slightest trace of doubt in her voice. "I just know."

Kid smiled sadly. Her words brought him a bittersweet sensation. The woman he was in love with was telling him she believed he'd be a good husband but her whole self expressed that she couldn't be that wife... ever. Kid didn't know what had prompted him to tell her about his father, that part of his childhood he hated. Nobody knew that side of him, not even Jimmy who had known him the longest. He didn't like talking about it, and it was something that he'd rather conceal from everybody. Yet, there was some special quality in Lou that made him want to tell her everything, even his darkest secrets.

They remained in silence for a few minutes. Lou knew that talking about his father had upset Kid, so she tried to change the direction of the conversation. "And tell me, what were you doing here at the hospital so late?"

As soon as he heard her question, he remembered. "Oh no!" he exclaimed, covering his face with his free hand.

"What?"

He lifted his eyes to her. "Gwen... I was supposed to pick her up. She finished her shift..." he glanced at his watch and concluded gravely, "two hours ago."

"Oh Kid, I'm sorry. I..."

At her apology he realized that he didn't actually care that he had stood up his girl. All he wanted was to stay here, holding Lou's hand forever and listening to her every word for the rest of their lives. "It's fine, Lou. It's not important."

"Thank you very much!" an angry voice resounded behind him and when Kid turned his head, he saw the woman he had just mentioned standing a few feet from them and looking visibly irritated.

Kid let go of Lou's hand immediately and rose to his feet. "Gwen..." he started awkwardly as he came closer to her. "I'm sorry. Let me explain..."

"I don't need your poor excuses or explanations!" the woman barked furiously. "I know all I need to know already." After waiting for what seemed like forever and trying to phone him to no avail, she had decided to try her luck in the hospital. The receptionist had told her that Dr. Kydd was in the cafeteria, and when she had headed for the place, she had spotted him through one of the big windows, holding hands and making goo goo eyes with that short-haired female doctor.

"Forgive me. I simply forgot," Kid tried again.

His excuse, which wasn't so much an excuse as the truth, didn't manage to appease her but had the opposite effect. "So let me have this right. I'm not important... you apparently forget about me as soon as I turn the corner. What else, Kid?" The doctor tried to protest but she wouldn't let him. "I know there's nothing serious between us and as far as I'm concerned, you can do every woman from here to China, but I'll be damned if I let you make a fool of myself. I have no time for your games and your lies, you stupid quack."

The woman swirled to go, but Kid quickly grabbed her by the arm, trying to stop her. "Please Gwen, wait!"

"Don't touch me!" the woman cried hysterically and her hand flew through the air and slapped Kid square on his face, and without further ado, she stormed out of the cafeteria, still groaning and moaning.

Kid turned to look at Lou, rubbing his sore cheek with his hand. Louise held her breath as she stared at him with wide eyes and on seeing the stunned expression of his face, she couldn't hold back anymore and burst out laughing. "I'm sorry... I'm not laughing at you... not really," she apologized among giggles. Her hand came to cover her mouth in an attempt to stifle her amusement but it was useless. Kid sat back on his seat opposite her and little by little he found himself laughing alongside her and really enjoying it. When their laughter subsided, Lou added, "Kid, don't worry. I'll talk to her tomorrow when she has calmed down."

"Don't bother yourself," Kid replied unenthusiastically. "I suppose I'm not that interested. She had a right to be angry. I never thought about her in these couple of hours...for a reason." Lou feared that he was going to start with his loving talk, about his desires, his feelings, and she didn't want to have that conversation again, especially when there was no point about it. He already knew what she thought and what her choices in life were. To her utter relief, he never hinted anything of what she had thought he would and instead he said with a bitter gesture, "Some day I've had. Two women slap me in the same day. What a great charmer I am."

Louise laughed again, especially since that comment was partly directed to her, who was one of those mentioned women. "Well, if it's any consolation to you, I've been beaten twice in less than twenty-four hours by the same man and almost killed. Guess you can't beat that, can you?"

Despite the terrible events she was mentioning, Kid found himself chuckling. "I can never beat you. You're always a winner," he said as his eyes kept boring into hers, the double meaning of his words evident to her and Louise didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

After today's hard experiences, she was feeling vulnerable and weak, and suddenly, she felt the tears pricking her eyes. Louise simply lowered her face from him so that he didn't notice. She then wiped the tears with her thin fingers, and lifting her gaze back to him, she plastered a smile… a smile that didn't really show the turmoil she was going through as if everything was happening again. Suddenly, she was feeling very sad and distressed. The reason? She actually didn't know but she just stayed there smiling and talking to Kid as if the world were just perfect.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

"You didn't have to come all the way here to give me that!" Emily complained as she ripped open an envelope to reveal an invitation to a party at her old school. "You could've called me, and I'd have dropped by your place on my way home."

"It's no bother, honey," the middle-aged man replied. "You know I've got lots of free time since I retired, and I love seeing you look so pretty in that white uniform. You look like an angel."

"Dad, you're gonna embarrass me," Emily replied with a bright smile. Yet, her smile froze at once as she saw the person coming through the door at that moment and heading towards them. She turned her whole attention back to her father, trying to ignore Louise like usual. After all her lies, Emily just couldn't act all cool towards her like everybody else did. Ike was continuously bugging her about the same on a daily basis, but she had no intention of being on friendly terms with a woman who hadn't been honest from the beginning. So as long as her personal affairs didn't interfere with her job, nobody had a right to tell her who she should or shouldn't talk to.

"Emily," Lou called as she reached the counter. "A woman's coming to pick up this folder sometime this morning. It's very important," she said placing the aforementioned file on the counter.

"Does this woman have a name?" Emily asked in a serious tone, her eyes never meeting Louise's.

"Amelia. She's a nun. You can't be mistaken."

"That depends," Emily replied sarcastically. "Is she of your class... that low-down, lying type... or is she the honest kind?"

Lou breathed in deeply to suppress the bubbling anger she was feeling and refrained herself from lashing out. Every time she had to talk to Emily, she had to make a supernatural effort to control herself and keep her composure. Emily always had a snide remark to throw, and Lou was getting really tired of it. It seemed that for one reason or another, she ended up having problems with somebody. Ironically, since everybody had discovered that she was a nun, Samantha had changed her attitude completely, and now she treated her with astounding affability. However, much to her chagrin Emily, her friend Emily, had taken over from Samantha and had become her staunchest opponent.

Lou shook her head and as she was about to leave, she noticed the man in a discreet position at the counter and exclaimed, "Thomas... hi! What are you doing here?" The man was about to answer but Lou cut him off before he could say a single word. "Don't tell me your daughter is finally going to give you a grandchild and you're here with her!"

The man shot a quick, sheepish look at Emily, who was staring at him with a surprised expression, and he replied with an awkward smile, "Uh... no, not yet!"

"Well, don't despair," Louise added. "Give her time. Someday..." The man nodded and Lou added, "Nice seeing you, Thomas, but if you excuse me now, I'm afraid I have to leave you. The call of duty."

Thomas gave her another sheepish smile. "Thank you, Sister."

Lou walked off without addressing Emily at all as if they were a couple of strangers. When she was out of sight, the receptionist turned to her father and asked, "Where do you know her from? You've always had a bad opinion of her kind."

"I don't know, honey," Thomas replied absently, his eyes lowered and his fingers playing with the buttons of the right cuff of his shirt. "I've just seen her around. You know what they say 'it's a small world'."

Emily knew her father was lying like many other times, and knowing what he was like, worry started nagging her. "Are you in any kind of trouble, Dad? I hope you haven't been gambling again."

"Of course not, sweet pea! Why would you think that? I'm fine but you're a worrywart just like your poor mother used to be."

His words didn't convince Emily completely, who knew that her father was lying about something. Why he had to lie about where he knew Lou from made no sense, so Emily knew that there was something very fishy in all this. Of course knowing him, she was aware that her father would never admit he had lied even though he was caught red-handed. So instead of blurting out what she suspected, Emily tried another method as she remembered something else of his conversation with Lou.

"And what was all that about a grandchild?"

"Honey, you know nothing will make me happier than the day you and Ike have a baby."

"Really?" Emily exclaimed, visibly surprised. This was the first she heard of her father's wishes for a grandchild. Of course having a baby was among her plans but in the long term. "And you talk about that with a stranger?"

"Geez, Emily. She's not a total stranger... I do know her. And I've just mentioned that briefly. Besides, you know that us old people talk a lot," he said with a wink and before Emily continued with her questions, he added, "I'll leave now, honey. You have work to do and I don't want to disturb you."

Before Emily could react, her father had turned on his heel and scurried away. The girl kept looking at his fleeting figure while she swore to herself that she was going to find out what her father was up to.

* * *

"So when are you and Teaspoon leaving for Europe?" Emma asked her colleague as they sat for lunch in the hospital cafeteria.

"In two weeks... at the beginning of December," Rachel replied, beaming with unhidden happiness.

"Is everything arranged then?" Lou asked next.

"Yeah, everything's ready. We already have the plane tickets and our hotel reservations. Our room window overlooks the Eiffel Tower, can you imagine?"

"Oh Rachel, I'm so green with envy," Jane said with an exaggerated pout.

"I wish my man would take me on a trip like that! Instead I'm stuck with going from work to home every day. The most exciting thing I've done lately has been to have dinner in the pizzeria on the corner from where I live." Emma let out with a bitter gesture and then she added in a dreamy voice. "How delightful, Rachel! Honeymooning is a once in a lifetime experience." She sighed and continued in the same dramatic tone, "The romantic strolls under the stars..."

"Breakfast in bed," Jane carried on.

"Kicking back in the Jacuzzi."

"Of course having him at your beck and call."

"And the sex!" both Jane and Emma concluded in chorus in a fit of giggles, but as soon as their joined comment left their mouths, the three women automatically turned their heads to Lou with odd expressions.

"What?" Louise exclaimed with an amused frown. "Girls, I'm not going to be offended because you talk about that. I'm a nun, not an ignorant fool who doesn't know what men and woman do together when they're left alone in a room."

The three women exchanged smiles and a conspiratorial look and after a pause Jane started, "Lou, don't you ever...?"

"Don't I ever what?" Lou asked when her young friend stopped in mid-sentence, blushing hotly.

"Don't you ever wish to be with a man?" Rachel completed the question that Jane hadn't dared to finish.

Louise let out a peal of laughter. It wasn't the first time she was asked a similar question, and it always cracked her up without fail. "No, never."

"But never ever?" Jane insisted.

"Never ever ever," Lou replied with a smile.

"Now, Lou. I find that a bit difficult to believe," Emma remarked.

"It's the truth, honestly. I don't pay attention to those things," Louise continued. "To tell you the truth, from the three, chastity is the easiest vow to stick to. Actually, my Achilles' heel is obedience... with my temper, you know."

"Louise, I really don't know how you manage," Rachel remarked. "I just wouldn't be able to."

Lou simply shrugged her shoulders in indifference, not sure how to tell them. She was very certain of what she wanted, of her way of life, and nothing else occupied her mind. If one day she got assaulted by doubts or earthly temptations, she would then have to consider whether she should continue with the life she had chosen. There was no point to lead a life which in reality was fake. Of course that was very unlikely to happen. She knew what she wanted, and she'd die being a nun and a servant of God.

While the women were engaged in conversation, Emily stepped into the cafeteria and without stopping, she marched towards the table that her colleagues usually sat at.

"Hi, Em," Jane greeted cheerfully when she saw her friend appear.

The receptionist ignored the greeting and came to stand before Lou with a hard expression. The doctor looked up at her with curiosity and then without any preambles Emily said, "Tell me something, Louise. How do you know my father?"

"Uh? Who?" Lou let out in confusion.

"Thomas Metcalfe. The man you were talking to this morning."

"Thomas is your father?" Louise asked, visibly surprised.

Instead of answering her question, Emily repeated, "How do you know him?"

Louise slowly wiped her mouth with a napkin and took her time in answering. "That's something you should ask _him_."

"I'm asking _you_," Emily pointed out with a rising voice and stopped briefly just to continue more calmly. "He's in trouble, isn't he?"

A sigh escaped Lou's lips as she said, "I imagine so."

"How do you know him?" Emily asked the question for the third time as she flopped down on an empty chair next to Emma and across from the doctor.

Lou finally relented, well aware that the girl had a right to know. "He sometimes comes to have his meals at the social hall where I'm a volunteer. He's roughing it lately. And from time to time he comes to the convent."

Learning that her father was practically a beggar naturally didn't sit well with Emily, and she felt her anger boiling inside as if she were a volcano ready to erupt. "What on earth for? My father doesn't believe in God or your kind."

"For your information," Lou replied stiffly, "we don't turn down people just because they have other beliefs or no beliefs at all." She stopped briefly, breathing in to control her temper, and then continued. "If somebody has problems and comes to us, we don't ask him to show us his baptismal certificate." Louise stopped briefly to catch her breath and added, "Well, apparently he wasn't paying his rent and his landlord threatened him with kicking him out. He owed six months or so, and came to us, asking for help. The community paid part of his debt and the Mother Superior has him doing small jobs around the convent for a small pay from time to time."

"He's gambling again," Emily muttered to herself, so low that nobody heard her, and turning her eyes back to Lou, she asked in a demanding tone, "Why has nobody told me about this?"

"I don't know! I didn't know you were his daughter five minutes ago!"

Emily's anger refueled by her comment, understanding a subtle criticism that wasn't actually there. "Are you accusing me of being a bad daughter? 'Cause I'm not gonna tolerate any of that from you!"

Her attitude was infuriating, and Lou had had enough of it as it was. Her explosive temper showed unavoidably as she addressed the receptionist. "Look, Emily. It's fine by me if you don't like me, but I'm not going to let you blame me for something I have no part in or put words in my mouth I never said. Please do me a favor. Leave me alone and vent your frustration on somebody else because I'm darn tired."

Angrily Louise jumped to her feet. She had lost her appetite and simply stormed out of the place without saying a single more word. Emily remained seated, not bothered by Lou's outburst or by her other friends' curious stares. Her mind was just overflowed by the worries about her father and the terrible truth she had learned about him. The notion that he had lied to her and kept her in the dark about his problems filled her with sheer anger... him and his lies. Always the same.

His problems with gambling weren't new, but Emily had really believed this time that he had left them behind, but no, once again he had tricked her into believing that he was fine with all that. How stupid she felt right now! Every Sunday either she went to see him at his place or he came to hers and they had lunch together. She had never noticed anything strange, and worst of all, she had had to learn that he was in a tight spot from the person she least wanted to have anything to do with. Louise.

* * *

Louise grabbed her coat that hung from a peg next to the door and put it on, making sure that her veil rested over it. It was a cold night and as she fastened the buttons of her long coat, she noticed a man coming from down the hall.

"Thomas, I didn't know you were here," Lou said.

"I was finishing changing the door hinges. Mother told me about the other day," the man explained.

"You should go home now," Lou added. "It's late and very cold. Nobody in their senses would be caught outside."

The man nodded and as he noticed her attire, he asked, "Are you going out now, Sister?"

"Yeah," Lou laughed. "You know, I have no sense whatsoever." The man chuckled at her comment and she added, "I'm just going out for a spell. I'm taking a few things to Mrs. Miller." She pointed at the bag she was carrying and continued. "Since she had that accident, that poor woman hardly has the means to feed her family or herself."

Louise opened the front door smoothly, smiling as she thought of the good work Thomas had done with this door as well. Since she had returned from Guam, the door had got stuck whenever somebody tried to open it, but a few days ago Thomas's skilled hands had finally solved the problem.

The two of them walked to the end of the street in silence. Lou was racking her brains to find a way to approach the matter that was worrying her, but since she wasn't one to beat about the bush, she simply went to the point bluntly. "Thomas, I've been talking to Emily and I think she's kind of worried about you."

"No offense, Sister, but that is something that doesn't concern you."

_'Like father, like daughter,'_ Louise thought ruefully. "Of course... I know," she replied breezily. "But if you let this friend give you some advice... please don't keep your family away from your life. That's the holiest gift God can give us."

"I have to go, Sister," the man replied curtly, pointing at the street on the right.

"Bye then, Thomas. And think about what I said," Lou added with a smile.

The man didn't even return the farewell as he walked away. For a few moments Louise kept looking at the man trundling along the deserted street and then she slowly turned around, going up the street in the opposite direction. She had hardly taken a few steps when a rough shout reached her ears. Alarmed, Lou swirled around and in the distance she saw Emily's father receiving a tremendous beating from two strong thugs. Without thinking about it twice, Lou dropped the carrier bag on the ground and darted towards them as she shouted, "Thomas!"

* * *

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Ike carefully removed his socks and left them neatly on the chair with the rest of his clothes. Only with his underwear and an undershirt on, he slipped into bed, covered his body with the flowery duvet and took his book from the bedside table to read a few pages before going to sleep. Yet, he didn't have time to read a single word when he saw Emily come out of the bathroom.

Her sullen face spoke volumes about how rotten she felt about the matter with her father. Today after work she had driven to his place, but he hadn't been there and never turned up in the couple of hours she had been waiting for him. Calling him hadn't worked either. When she had tried to do so that morning, an operator had notified her that the dialed number didn't exist anymore because with all probability, Emily thought, he had failed to pay the monthly bills. The receptionist wondered remorsefully how she hadn't noticed all this. How on earth? She didn't even remember the last time she had phoned her dad or talked to him on the phone. Was she such a bad daughter?

"It's not your fault," Ike said from his position on the bed, almost reading her mind.

"I know," Emily replied ruefully. "I just can't understand it. Where is he, Ike?"

"He must have gone out for some reason," Ike replied.

"In this weather? They said it's going to snow."

"We'll go again and find him tomorrow, all right?" Ike tried to appease her and as she slid into the bed next to him, he quickly passed his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer. His lips covered hers in a long, sultry kiss, and she let herself be comforted and loved. Pulling away slightly, he looked into her eyes while whispering with a husky voice, "I love you, Emily Metcalfe."

The young woman smiled and hooking her hand behind his neck, she brought his mouth to hers once again. They rolled on the bed, Ike's body covering hers. Her legs wrapped around his waist while her hands quickly slipped under his undershirt, to feel his smooth skin and muscles. Without stopping their kissing, Ike fumbled with the buttons of her pajamas top and then suddenly the phone rang, almost startling them. Emily let out a disappointed groan when Ike left her body to answer the call.

"Hello!" he said, trying to control his breathing as he picked up the receiver. He just kept nodding to whatever he was being told on the other end of the line. After a minute, he covered the receiver with his hand and turned to his girl. "Emily, it's Lou. She wants to talk to you."

The young receptionist made an irritated gesture and said, "I have nothing to talk about with that woman."

Ike shook his head at her stubbornness, but knew that he wouldn't persuade her to come to the phone. He had tried to mediate in the situation between Emily and Louise, but there was nothing he had been able to do. Emily could be so pig-headed and when she got something in her head, nobody could convince her of the opposite.

Ike pressed the receiver against his ear again and started awkwardly. "Uh... Lou. Emily can't come to the phone right now. She's taking a shower." He paused briefly and then added, "Would you like to leave a message?" He kept quiet as he listened to Lou's voice and his face suddenly scrunched in surprise. "Thank you for calling, Lou. We'll be there as soon as we can."

Ike put down the telephone and immediately Emily asked, "What was all that about?"

"It's your dad. He's in the hospital."

"Wh... what? Why?" Emily let out in a stammer, fear crawling all through her body.

"I don't know. Lou didn't say," Ike replied, sliding out of the bed and starting to get dressed.

Emily looked frozen for a second, all kinds of terrifying thoughts bombarding her mind, but after that brief moment she finally reacted, quickly locating her clothes and put them on. She wished they were already there but at the same time she was feeling terrified, fearing what she might find once they got to the hospital.

Half an hour later Ike and Emily arrived at the hospital. They dashed along a deserted corridor at the end of which they spotted Lou, who was sitting on one of the seats in the waiting area while talking to a uniformed Sam. As Ike saw her profile wrapped in her habit, he couldn't help but think that Lou really transformed herself when she was in her religious attire. Her pose was distinctly different from when she was wearing her usual jeans. Yeah, she was their particular Clark Kent, thought Ike with a smile.

As the couple came closer, Sam was saying, "If you follow this pace, Louise, I'm going to see more of you than my wife. It was last week you had that issue with that Curtis guy, wasn't it?"

"It's not my fault," Lou exclaimed, feigning annoyance.

"I tell you, Louise. I've never met a nun like you. Shouldn't you be quietly praying instead of playing the local hero?" Sam continued in the same teasing tone.

Lou smiled and was about to reply but she stopped when steps resounded in the silence of the area. She and Sam turned their heads to see Emily and Ike approaching.

"How's my father, Sam?" the receptionist asked promptly, ignoring Louise completely.

"He's fine," Sam answered, doing his best to appease the woman who was almost on the verge of breakdown. "He has a couple of broken ribs and his face is a pitiful sight. But I believe it looks worse than what it really is."

"What happened?" Emily asked again.

"A couple of men..." Lou started, but couldn't finish when Emily cut her off gruffly in mid-sentence.

"Ike, tell the nun I'm not talking to her," the receptionist stated with a stiff tone, her eyes looking away from Lou on purpose. "She should know that by now." Ike and Sam shifted uncomfortably and Emily added in the same tone, "I want to see my father. Where is he, Sam?"

The inspector pointed out at the room door and Emily dashed inside without waiting for anybody else. Lou remained seated as if she were petrified, and after a few seconds she slowly rose to her feet. "I better go now. There's nothing else I can do."

"Lou, I'm sorry," Ike muttered sincerely, not sure how to express his discontent about Emily's behavior or how to excuse his girl. She was probably nervous about this matter with her father but that didn't justify her mean response to Lou. Ike didn't know why she was acting so callous with Lou lately. This was going too far from being just a fit of anger. The situation was making everybody uncomfortable in the clinic. Whenever Emily and Lou were in the same room, tension was thick in the air and Ike thought that for everybody's welfare, this had to end. Ike told himself that as soon as he had the chance, he'd talk to Emily and this time he would stand his ground.

Louise smiled ruefully, coming closer and brushing her hand against Ike's arm softly, showing in that gesture what her mouth now couldn't express. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Lou bid the two men goodbye and walked off down the corridor. "Stay out of trouble, Super Nunny! You hear me?" Sam called teasingly while sharing a smile with Ike. The doctor lifted a hand over her head in a gesture of unclear meaning as she continued towards the exit. Sam and Ike directed their steps to the room and when they entered, Emily was next to the bed where her father was lying.

"How are you, Mr. Metcalfe?" Ike asked as he stood at the foot of the bed, opposite the man.

"A bit under the weather," Thomas replied, trying to make light of his poor situation.

"What happened, Dad?" Emily asked, her tone conveying that she wouldn't accept any more excuses or lies.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," the man whispered, lowering his eyes in embarrassment.

"What happened, father?" Emily repeated, her voice rising to a dangerous high pitch.

The man didn't start straightaway as he remained deep in thought as if trying to rearrange his ideas. "I know I promised you I'd never gamble again," he started after a while, "but you know I'm weak and ... I fell into the same trap again a few months ago. I'm afraid I've lost quite a lot and owe some more."

"How much, father?"

"Ten thousand dollars," he responded with a tiny voice and when Emily closed her eyes in a rueful gesture, he hurried to add, "I didn't know what I was getting myself into, honey, or how dangerous that guy was. I was a fool. And tonight a couple of his men were waiting for me to make me pay. Of course I have no money, and ..."

His voice trailed off and Sam took up where the old man had left off. "Fortunately, Louise was close by. She heard a scream and saw your father at the mercy of those gorillas. And what did she do? She started hurling bricks at those guys she took from a building site in the area."

"She scared them away well," Thomas added with a grin. "Never seen such a barrage of stone in my life."

"Did she hit them?" Ike asked with interest.

"No," Mr. Metcalfe replied, shaking his head simultaneously.

"Some aim she has," Emily quipped sarcastically.

"Actually, she has a heck of aim," Sam contradicted. "Louise didn't want to hit the men, just spook them away. It's not easy to miss on purpose, believe me. Those bullies ran away at the first opportunity… no wonder."

"I thought they were going to kill me, Emily," Thomas mumbled, really serious about what he was saying. "If the Sister hadn't helped me..."

"You wouldn't have needed any help if you hadn't got into trouble!" Emily barked angrily, the fear she was feeling for what might have happened speaking through her. She was actually surprised and impressed that Louise had done something like that, and deep down she was grateful that the doctor had been around, but she was too proud to admit something like that in front of everybody. "What am I going to do with you, Father?"

Feeling that the family needed some time alone, Sam turned to leave. "I gotta go now," he announced. "I'll send my men to look for those guys and I'll pay a visit to that gambling den where everything began. We now have Louise's and your father's descriptions. However, I'm afraid those two cowardly dogs won't be easy to find."

"Thank you, Sam," Ike said, shaking hands with the inspector before he went.

As the couple were left alone, Ike walked closer to Emily, who stood looking at her father, who had given in to sleep. He passed his arm around his girl's shoulders, and feeling very tired, Emily rested her head against his chest while sharing a grave look with Ike. For as long as she remembered her father had had problems with gambling and she even recalled once that her mother had intended to leave him for the same damn problem, but she had eventually stayed, believing his lies once again. Every time he said he'd give up that baggage, there was always another time and worse than before. Emily didn't know how to help him anymore. How? How? She kept repeating mentally, but the answers didn't come and she felt lost and very small... with no way out... none at all.

* * *

As soon as she came through the door that morning, her eyes darted to the reception desk in the clinic and straightaway Lou spotted Emily in her usual place. Ike was there too and as she came closer, she could notice the signs of weariness in both of them, resulting from a sleepless night in the hospital. Louise hadn't slept much either as she couldn't stop thinking about the tense circumstances between her and Emily. Naturally, she knew that her own behavior had triggered the situation and she accepted the blame. She had hoped, though, that they could patch things up with time. Yet, it seemed that the gap between them was getting wider and wider with each passing day.

After the way Emily had treated her the night before, the logical thing for Lou to do was to go past her as if she wasn't there, but she just couldn't act as if she didn't care and despite everything, she stopped at the counter and asked, "How is he?"

Ike looked at Emily, but seeing that she wasn't going to answer, he said, ""He's going to be released today, and we've thought it would be better to have him at home... at least for a time."

"That's good," Lou exclaimed with a smile, purposefully looking at Emily, but the receptionist turned her eyes away in a proud pose. "Uh..." Lou continued awkwardly as she fished a little card out of her wallet, "this is the address of an association that deals with the kind of problems Thomas has. They also help the family to cope with this kind of situation. They're really good."

Louise extended the card towards Emily, but the receptionist crossed her arms and made no attempt to take it or say a single word. "Thank you, Lou," Ike cut in, grabbing the card from her.

Lou smiled wryly. "I better go." Her eyes lingered on Emily for a second, trying to say something but since she feared that anything she'd say would be in vain, she turned from them and walked away.

"Emily, for goodness' sake. What is it you want?" Ike said between gritted teeth, turning his irritated eyes to his girl.

The receptionist ignored his rebuke and shifted her eyes in the direction that Lou had gone. She could see her walking towards the elevator, her gait and slumped shoulders showing how upset she was. Suddenly, something clicked inside Emily's head and in a flash she darted off as she cried, "Louise!"

Already inside the elevator, Lou curiously darted her eyes to the sound of her name and through the door she saw Emily running towards her. The receptionist reached the elevator just before the door slid closed. Resting her body against one of the metal doors, Emily tried to get her breath back while Lou stared at her with a frown. She didn't know what to make of this sudden outburst of Emily, but she feared that with their past history it wouldn't be anything good. For the first time in weeks the receptionist met Lou's eyes without bitterness or malice.

"Lou," she started awkwardly, "thank you for all you've done for my dad." She paused for a beat and then she added, "And I'm sorry."

Louise smiled, visibly relieved. "I'm sorry too."

"I've thought that maybe... just maybe it won't be so bad to have a nun for a friend for the first time," Emily said half-seriously. Lou just smiled, too moved to say anything. This matter had weighed in her soul more than she had been aware of. It was now that Emily was talking to her that she realized how much all this had hurt her.

The elevator continued ascending and the two women remained in silence. No words were needed to express the heavy weight that had been lifted from their minds. Emily thought that she had behaved like a fool for letting herself be furious for so long. Louise had been a good friend from the first moment they met, and she felt there was a good affinity between the two of them. Of course Lou's deception had hurt Emily more than words had expressed, but now that she looked back, she had to admit that there were more important things in life than to get so distraught about something so small. It wasn't such a big deal after all.

Her eyes sought Lou with a mischievous glow as her curiosity about what she hadn't talked to her for a long time got the better of her. She was feeling mischievous and she asked, "Have you seen Kid today?"

"No, not yet," Louise replied, looking at her with curiosity. "Why?"

"Well, I have... today he looks especially handsome. I think it's because he's in love, don't you think?" Emily remarked teasingly. "You have to admit that he's cute, isn't he, Lou?"

"Emily..." Lou protested, fully aware what she was after.

"What?" the receptionist let out, feigning ignorance. "Don't you think he's handsome?"

"It doesn't matter what I think."

"It matters to me. I know you're a nun. But don't nuns have eyes?" Emily continued, enjoying the teasing more and more.

Lou knew that Emily wouldn't give up, so she said, "All right, all right. He is handsome."

"And he has a beautiful smile."

"Yeah, he has," Lou followed her game, feeling a bit uncomfortable with these comments.

"And also stunning blue eyes."

"Yeah..."

"And a body to die for."

"I'm not going to say that!" Lou protested, folding her arms over her chest, implying that she was serious.

"Come on, Lou! You've been together for many weeks. Don't tell me you've never taken a peek at his taut muscles, his shapely legs, his tight..."

"Will you stop it, Emily!" Lou cut her off, getting slightly annoyed for her insistence.

"You can't blame a girl for trying to test you," Emily replied, winking at her.

"Then you're wasting your time."

"I see that," Emily replied, pouting like a small girl. "And it's such a shame! Kid would be perfect for you."

Louise had to smile and if her relationship with Kid weren't so delicate, she would even laugh at Emily's comment. The elevator door pinged open on her floor just in time and with a smile at her friend, she stepped out of it as she said teasingly, "Thank you, Emily, for your opinions. I'll take them into account." She turned around to her just before the elevator and added the following bit with great satisfaction, "I'll see you around."


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

"Congratulations!" a chorus of voices sang cheerfully in the common room. A telephone stood in the middle of the table around which the group of doctors and other staff gathered. That very morning Teaspoon and Rachel had married on the other side of the ocean and their colleagues had wanted to be the first ones to congratulate them despite the distance keeping them apart.

Cheers and whoops followed and everyone started to talk at the same time trying to give the couple their personal wishes in a chaotic way. Emma raised her voice above everybody else's, trying to control the ruckus that had originated. "One moment! One moment!" Little by little the voices died away until the room became silent again. Emma picked up the receiver and turning off the hands-off button, she spoke up, "Rachel, honey. You know what this bunch is like, uncontrollable." The woman laughed and continued afterwards, "Have a blast there, and try not to think about work too much. And please send Teaspoon our love. We have everything under control here." Emma finally bid her goodbye, chorused by the rest of her colleagues.

After hanging up, the men and women in white uniforms remained there for a few minutes before starting their work day. All of them rushed to pour themselves a cup of steaming coffee, which at this time of the year was really welcoming. There were three days left until Christmas and lately every conversation centered on these special dates in the year.

"Mmm," Emily breathed with an almost static expression as she had her first sip of her coffee. "This tastes like heaven." She noticed the smirks around her and added, "You'd feel the same if you had been at the mall this morning. Gosh, it was absolutely packed that early. I got run over by a mob of compulsive shoppers and even had a fight with an annoying lady. I hate Christmas shopping!"

"I thought you had finished already, Emily," Emma replied.

"I wish," the receptionist continued in doleful ways. "Seems all my cousins have agreed to pay me a visit this year. Last night my cousin Beth called me to say she'd be joining us along with her four children... and her dull husband to boot."

"Oh dear," Emma exclaimed with an amused smile.

"Oh well, never mind. At least it's just once a year," the receptionist concluded and as she finished her drink, she added, "I better go before my reception becomes a mad house. Christmas is a dangerous time ... people tend to get crazy."

"Wait, Em. I'm going too," Jane called, joining her friend on her way out. As the door closed behind them, Cody turned to Ike and said, "I pity you, my friend. Seems you're in for an unforgettable Christmas." Ike made a gesture that clearly expressed what his thoughts were about the matter without saying a single word.

"William, Christmas is a family celebration," Emma cut in with a tone of disapproval. "My sister and her family are also coming to visit us."

"Poor Sam," Cody exclaimed, chuckling when the midwife sent him a murdering glance in his direction, which he ignored. "Fortunately, I got out of all that this year. I got myself an invitation to the best party in the city... all the sexiest people will be there."

"And are they really going to let you in?" Jimmy quipped, never missing an opportunity to make fun of Cody.

"Hickok, you're just jealous cause you can't get away from your own family dinner."

"Cody, for your information, Christmas is the only time in the year I have the chance to get together with my sisters," Jimmy explained, unaffected by Cody's scorning tone, "and I'm really looking forward to it."

"Well said, Jimmy," Emma added, patting the doctor on the back encouragingly.

There was a pause and Louise cast a look at Kid who was sitting across from her and hadn't said a word in all this exchange. He met her eyes as if he could feel on his skin that she was looking. Lou smiled and then asked, "What are you doing on Christmas Eve, Kid?" She was quite curious to know what his plans were. Everybody had been babbling on about the same for weeks, and she was tired of listening to their plans over and over again, but she had never heard him say a word about it.

"Nothing," Kid replied awkwardly, lowering his eyes to his mug of coffee.

"Nothing?" Lou repeated with a frown.

"Our friend Kid doesn't like Christmas," Hickok replied before the other doctor could say anything.

"That's not it," Kid protested. "I simply haven't planned anything. That's all."

Louise stared at him, understanding the subtle meaning of what he wasn't saying. She knew that Kid had an older brother who he only saw from time to time. Apart from him, he had no close family, and he probably had no plans because there was nobody he could spend that night with. A deep sense of melancholy overwhelmed her, imagining how sad he would feel for having to be alone at Christmas while everybody else was boasting about their magnificent Christmas plans.

"Kid," Samantha piped up, "I didn't have plans either until a few days ago. Steve is spending the holidays with his parents in the country. So I'm getting together with a few friends at my place, you know, we'll just be having a relaxing evening, nothing too fancy. You're welcome to join us if you feel like it."

Lou looked at the woman, feeling a bit annoyed. What was all that about? Wasn't she already with that Steve guy? What did she want from Kid now? Louise thought ruefully that despite everything Samantha seemed to be interested in him and she wouldn't give up.

"Uh... thanks," Kid replied to Samantha's invitation awkwardly. "I'll think about it and let you know."

On hearing his words, something snapped inside Lou, and an idea started brewing on her mind. Mumbling a quick excuse, Lou left the room. It wouldn't be surprising that Kid would end up accepting Samantha's offer despite everything that had happened between them. Feeling lonely on such a special date would persuade anybody to do things that they really didn't want to do. Company always lightened the sensation of loneliness and even though Kid had always hinted that he wouldn't get entangled with Samantha again, he might fall again if he felt especially vulnerable. Louise remembered feeling lonely when she had been a teenager, especially in that terrible year when she was sixteen. Lou would hate it that Kid had to feel lonely and miserable, especially when he was such a good person and didn't deserve to be alone.

Lou reached the office where she worked with Jimmy and went straight to the telephone. She dialed the number, waited for the call to go through and when a cheerful 'hello' sounded at the other end of the line, she said, "Theresa, it's me. Listen. I have a favor to ask you."

* * *

The screen kept flashing an error message over and over again, which was getting on his nerves. "Come on," Kid exclaimed in an impatient tone as she clicked the window shut. Once again he tried to open the file, but the ominous ping and the same message appeared before his eyes. "Damn hellish machine!" he barked irritated, banging his hand on the CPU unit as if that would miraculously solve the problem.

"Poor thing. What has it done for you to treat it so bad?" Kid swiveled around on his chair and saw Lou, smiling brightly in his direction, her side resting against the door frame. At once a goofy smile appeared on his lips. "Are you done torturing your computer or shall I come back later?"

"Please come in," Kid said while shutting off the computer.

Louise walked into the office, smiling from ear to ear, and sat down on the chair opposite him. "Kid, I have a proposition for you," she announced, her smile never faltering.

"A proposition?" Kid echoed, his curiosity swelling with her words and enigmatic smile.

"About Christmas Eve," Lou explained, leaning her crossed arms on the desk. "Do you remember my sister Theresa?"

"Uh... yeah," Kid replied, wondering what she was up to.

Lou lifted her lively eyes to him and asked, "How would you like to spend Christmas Eve with my sister?"

Kid frowned at her weird offer. "Wasn't she married, Lou?"

Louise chuckled, realizing for the first time how her words had sounded. "What I mean," she continued straightaway, "is that I'm going to Theresa's for Christmas Eve and maybe you'd like to join us." Lou cringed mentally for the small fib she was telling Kid. She had never had intentions to go to her sister's that night but had planned to spend it in the convent, but she wouldn't feel right with herself knowing that Kid would be alone in his apartment. Of course she couldn't invite Kid to have dinner at her home with all her other sisters and maybe just Father Maldonado, who sometimes came on special occasions. Kid would never accept a plan like that, and that was why she had thought about asking Theresa. When she had called her sister, she had accepted her request right away. There was still something left for her to do. She'd have to tell Marmee and ask her for a leave.

"You and me spending Christmas together?" Kid asked with a stunned expression.

"Yeah, that's right."

"Lou, I don't want to be a bother and ..."

"Nonsense!" she exclaimed, cutting him off. "It'll be fun. It's going to be just us, my sister and her family. We're just gonna have a nice, quiet dinner. My brother-in-law handles himself quite well in the kitchen... makes nice food, actually. Besides, if you're there, you will save me from embarrassment when Theresa and David get in a sappy mood."

Kid laughed at her comment. All his body and soul wanted to say yes, but a small voice kept nagging inside his head. He had sworn to himself that he'd do anything to break the bonds with Lou. They now had a cordial relationship, which was Kid's particular heaven and hell. Spending time with her made him feel high and exultant but at the same time it was killing him. The feelings that he had for Lou hadn't decreased a bit, but on the contrary. Knowing that she was a nun and out of circulation hadn't put him off and his fleeting affair with Gwen hadn't helped him either in that respect. Every time he saw her, all his desires and longing for her disarmed him completely. This was worse than an incurable disease because he just couldn't see an end to all this uncomfortable situation.

"Kid?" Lou urged him when he remained silent.

He met her eyes and despite all the reasons why he should say no, his desires were stronger and he found himself accepting. "I'd love to join you, Lou."

Louise's face lit up with a big smile as she exclaimed, "Good!" She jumped to her feet, feeling light-hearted and satisfied, like a child with a new doll and as she walked to the door, she said, "Trust me, Kid, it's gonna be a heck of a Christmas."

The door closed behind her and with a rueful expression he finally said, "Don't you know it well!"

* * *

Hidden behind the wall, she took a peek into her living room while a mischievous smile played on her lips. Her sister was at her table in a laid-back stance, talking and laughing with that handsome doctor she had brought with her. They were sitting very close together and if Theresa didn't know better, she'd say that Lou was flirting with him. In any case, there was something different and fishy in her behavior tonight. Theresa couldn't put her finger on it, but it was true that Lou was behaving very differently from what Theresa was used to seeing in her. Louise was strangely happy and cheerful... at least more than usual, and Theresa couldn't help but think that the man talking to her right now had something to do with it. Louise had told her that this very doctor had feelings for her, and Theresa was inclined to think that her sister wasn't as indifferent as she had told her she was that time.

Theresa had to admit that Lou was especially lovely tonight. She was wearing the pink, embroidered blouse and black, straight skirt that she had sent her sister last Christmas. Theresa had been surprised to see her appear in that attire. It was true that Lou wore her 'civilian' clothes more often than her habit. As she always said, clothes didn't make you what you were... a nun, a woman, or a clown. Things went deeper than that. Yet, she never missed wearing her habit on solemn occasions like Christmas or Easter. As far as Theresa knew, this was the first time she donned something else other than her religious apparel on Christmas Eve. When she had asked Lou about it, she had replied to her question in a very vague way, telling her that she simply didn't want to make Kid feel uncomfortable.

Her explanation to her choice of clothes wasn't the only thing that had surprised Theresa. Since Lou had called her, asking her if she and her doctor friend could have dinner with her and David, Theresa had been totally intrigued. This was the first time in many years that they would have dinner together on Christmas Eve. Lou had been posted in Guam for the last five years and on other occasions she had stayed in the convent, celebrating the Lord's birth with her other "sisters". Theresa had been pleasantly surprised when Louise had told her that she'd like to spend Christmas with her, but what had baffled Theresa completely was the fact that she wanted to invite the man who apparently had the hots for her.

A sigh escaped her lips as she continued watching the pair in her living room. Theresa had to admit that she tended to daydream and overuse her imagination, but this time she had many reasons to believe that Lou might be waking to a world that had been unknown to her so far... and she might even start having doubts about her vocation. Maybe she was experiencing a transformation and developing feelings for Kid.

Theresa knew that her sister had never been in love. When she was younger, she used to hang out with Frank Pike, and everybody used to say that she had a thing with him. Theresa knew better than that. Lou had never regarded Frank in other terms other than friendly ones. She had always known that he wasn't a good choice and Theresa knew that Lou had more sense than getting involved with somebody like him. Maybe back then Frank had a crush on her sister, but Theresa was positive that Lou had been just a friend. Apart from her friendship with Frank, no other man had taken a special place in Lou's life... until now apparently.

The notion that Lou might fall in love with the handsome doctor sitting at her table really pleased Theresa. When Louise had decided to become a nun too many years ago, Theresa had felt quite proud and used to boast about her older sister and her holy vocation as if she were some kind of consecrated saint. Yet, little by little that feeling had faded and been replaced by disappointment when she had started to experience what it meant to have a sister who was a nun. Louise was really committed to her religious vocation and her daily life was devoted to her duties and personal choices.

Since she got into the convent, Theresa hardly saw her, always busy either in all the institutions she was a volunteer or simply in the convent itself. Apart from that, there was always the possibility that she would be sent away to other communities within her sisterhood around the world like when she had been in Guam or when she would travel to Somalia this coming summer. With reluctance Theresa had gradually come to understand and accept what her sister had chosen, but she wasn't happy. However, now that she saw her with her friend, a light began shining at the end of the tunnel and though Theresa knew she was probably overstepping the limits of logic, she couldn't help but start daydreaming of what that would possibly mean for her life.

Steps resounded behind her and she turned her head to see her husband, carrying a tray with a coffee. "Theresa, what on earth are you doing?" David asked with a frown as she saw her hunch behind the wall.

"Shush!" the young woman ordered him in a whisper and turned her attention back to the scene she had been watching for the last ten minutes. David walked closer and followed the direction of her gaze and when he realized what his wife was looking at so intently, he sent her a confused look. Theresa turned her head to him and said in a low voice, "Aren't they cute, honey?"

David stared at her as if she had lost her head. "Theresa, please don't start."

Theresa frowned, slightly annoyed. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just saying that my sister seems to be enjoying the company of an interesting, attractive man for the first time in her life, and I can't say I'm not pleased."

"Theresa, stop getting those ideas. Your sister's a nun."

"So what?" the young woman replied with a serious expression. "She wouldn't be the first one to swap God for some earthly love."

"Oh yeah?" David replied with a skeptical expression. "Just tell me one."

"Uh..." Theresa hesitated for a moment and then she added, "Richard Chamberlain. He was a priest and hooked up with one of his lady parishioners."

"For goodness' sake, honey. That was a TV show, not real life!" David exclaimed, and chuckling at his wife's naiveté, he continued into the living room. "Here's coffee," he announced as he made his entrance, followed by Theresa.

Kid and Lou smiled at the couple and the latter asked, "Did she finally fall asleep?"

"Like a little angel. My poor baby was exhausted. She would normally have been sleeping for hours by now, but seeing her auntie always puts her in an exciting way," Theresa replied. After dinner she and Lou had tried to put the girl to sleep in her nursery, but the toddler wasn't in the mood. Louise had opted for finally leaving the nursery since her presence seemed to be the problem for the young girl not to want to sleep just yet.

Theresa sat next to her sister and left the baby monitor on the table opposite her. David was pouring coffee for the four of them and when he finished, he sat down on the seat opposite his wife and next to Kid. Theresa eyed the doctor in silence for a few minutes and then said, "Kid, we still haven't had the chance to talk about you. You know, when a baby is around, everybody else becomes invisible."

Kid smiled at her comment. "Especially when the baby is as cute as your daughter."

"What can you tell us about yourself?" Theresa asked bluntly, ignoring his comment. She intended to find out about the man who was clearly making her sister act so strangely.

"Tessie, don't be so nosy," Lou chastised lightly.

"I don't mind, Lou... honestly," Kid said and turning to Theresa, he asked, "What do you want to know?"

"Are you married?"

"No and I've never been."

"Children?"

"Nope."

"And are you in a relationship?"

"Negative too."

"And how is it that an attractive man like you doesn't have a girlfriend? Something wrong with you or what?"

"Tessie, please!" Lou exclaimed aghast. She had bitten her tongue at the barrage of questions Theresa was submitting poor Kid to, but with this last question she just couldn't keep quiet any longer. She hadn't brought Kid here to make him uncomfortable. "You're embarrassing Kid with all those personal questions!"

"It's just a question!" Theresa retorted. "It's not as if I'm asking him whether he's gay."

"Theresa!" Lou scolded again, totally shocked that her sister could say all those shameful comments about a person she hardly knew.

Kid had to chuckle at the bickering between the two sisters. "It's all right, Lou. I'm not offended." He paused briefly and shifting his attention back to her friend's young sister, he said, "Theresa, I like women all right, and I don't have a girlfriend cause... I've had bad luck with women, I guess." He cast a brief look at Lou, who averted her eyes quickly. Theresa noticed the strange exchange between the two and wiggled her eyebrows to her husband pointedly. David made an indifferent gesture, accustomed to his wife's tendency to imagine smoke where there was no fire.

The four of them finished their coffee, making small talk but this time without having Theresa pestering Kid with too personal questions. Then Theresa took the mugs and the coffee pot to the kitchen and Lou followed her, leaving the men alone in the living room since David had taken out his best whiskey and offered Kid a glass. Lou was glad that her friend seemed to get on well with David. When she had first invited Kid, she had feared that he'd get bored, but if his contented expression was any indication, he seemed to be having a good time.

"You two get on very well," Theresa remarked as she started washing the cups and the pot in the sink.

"Me and Kid?" At her sister's nod, she added, "We're good friends. Anything wrong with that?"

"No, of course not," Theresa continued. "Just surprised after what you told me about him. Made me wonder."

"We've left all that behind. I'm so glad that we've managed to reach an understanding."

Theresa stopped briefly as she wiped her hands. Her sister was either blind or naive if she really believed what she was saying. By the way the doctor looked at her everybody could see that he was crazy about her... no mistake there. What she wanted to know was what her sister really felt. Telling Lou directly what she suspected wouldn't be the right step to take. All she would get would be a firm denial from Louise and probably a put-down. So Theresa decided to use another tactic.

"Yeah, I can see what you're saying," the young woman replied to Lou's comment. "It's obvious that he has forgotten about that stupid idea of the two of you together. I always thought that couldn't be real."

Her comment didn't sit well with Louise and to Theresa's delight her features hardened and her smile vanished at once. "What's that supposed to mean? Is there something wrong with me as a woman or what?"

"Honey, of course there's nothing wrong with you," Theresa replied with a smile, enjoying the way her sister was falling into her trap. "But, Lou, you're a nun and that would put off any guy. When he didn't know, it was fine, and I'm sure he really found you appealing. But now that he knows, no way! It's kind of creepy for men... Trust me, I know what I'm talking about."

"So you think I... kind of disgust him?" Lou asked, her voice tinged with shock and even pain.

"Now, Lou, that's a strong word," Theresa hurried to rectify, fearing that she had gone too far with her comment. All she wanted was for Lou to feel hurt in her pride as a woman but not to think that Kid didn't feel anything for her, which was the furthest from reality. It had come up all wrong. "All I'm saying is that he sees you a woman worthy of his respect. You're a holy woman, so that's the feeling you usually inspire in other people. That's how Kid sees you now. That's what you want, isn't it?"

"Yeah... yeah... of course," Lou replied awkwardly, "but..."

"But what?"

"Uh... nothing," Louise concluded, shaking her head, a strange sensation running throughout her whole body. Suddenly, she felt very sad and even weepy, and didn't even know where all that rooted from.

Theresa noticed her sister's sullen countenance and turned round from her to hide the smile sneaking onto her lips. "Now that I think of it," she continued, "one of my colleagues would be a good match for him. Do you think he'd be interested in having a blind date with Sharon?"

"I don't know, Theresa!" Louise exclaimed loudly, feeling strangely annoyed.

"Something wrong, Lou?" Theresa asked, coming closer and locking eyes with her sister.

"No, nothing," Louise replied gruffly, averting her eyes and after catching a glimpse at the clock on the wall, she said, "Uh... Tessie, I'm going to pop out. I'll be back in half an hour... forty minutes at the most."

"Where on earth are you going now?" Theresa exclaimed as she saw her sister grabbing her coat from the closet in the hall outside the kitchen.

Lou walked back towards her and she fastened the buttons of her coat while she said, "To Midnight Mass."

"Can you skip it for once?" Theresa asked with an unhappy expression. "Those special masses last forever with all that chanting and other stuff."

"Not this one. I'm just going to the small chapel a few streets up. There are no frills or chanting there, and Father Sawyer isn't called Harley Davidson Sawyer for anything." Louise chuckled and as the voices and laughter of the two men reached her ears, she added, "You tell Kid I won't be long. He seems to be having a nice conversation with David, and if I tell him, he's gonna think he should leave. Please don't let him go before I get back, all right?"

Before Theresa could say another word, Louise crossed the length of the room and slid out of the place through the door at the end of the kitchen. Theresa stood there and as the door closed behind Louise, a terrible sadness settled in her as she muttered, "Oh honey, you don't even know what you're getting into. You poor thing!"

* * *

The chapel was almost empty except for a few people that were scattered in the few pews that filled the limited space in the small building. Lou knew that families and other neighbors would be attending the mass in the bigger church where the local choir would be singing their best Christmas carols and hymns tonight for everybody's enjoyment. Louise, though, preferred the silence of this quiet, little chapel where she could have a few minutes' prayer before the mass started. The altar was gracefully decorated with flowers and candles, and a beautiful nativity scene. The priest appeared and Louise quickly closed her New Testament that she had opened up at the Christmas chapter in St. Luke and instead she took her mass book while she rose to her feet for the entrance greeting.

A person came to stand next to her at the pew and as she cast a glimpse at him out of curiosity, her mouth fell open in surprise to find Kid and she sent him a what-are-you-doing-here kind of look. He smiled at her and while the priest recited the initial prayer, he leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. "You thought you'd get rid of me? You're stuck with me for the rest of the night."

Lou's mouth split into a wide smile as her eyes kept looking at him with a pleased expression. She momentarily forgot where she was and only when Kid shifted his body and his attention towards the altar did she snap out of her momentary distraction. At once she turned her eyes back to the priest at the front, bearing a wide smile and a glow over herself that challenged the brightness of every single candle around the chapel.

Once the mass was over, Kid and Louise stepped into the cold night, puffs of white air coming out of their mouths. The stars shone above their heads and then Louise said, "It's a beautiful night...freezing but nice."

"Are we going back to your sister's now?" Kid asked as he tied a scarf round his neck.

"Actually, it's a bit late for me, and I should walk back to the convent," she replied, lowering her eyes to the frosted ground under her feet. "I don't think Theresa will be waiting for us now."

"You mind if I walk with you there?"

"You don't have to."

"I want to, Lou," Kid replied. "And the stroll will help to burn down some of the calories of that scrumptious meal your brother-in-law cooked for us tonight."

Louise smiled and without a word they started ambling down the street. Neither talked as they walked along. Kid kept sending furtive looks at Louise and couldn't stop thinking how lovely she looked under the dark night, her face glowing just in the light of the street lamps they passed by. Mentally he was cursing himself for being so thickheaded. He had been repeating himself for weeks that he had to break all bonds with her and here he was getting entangled in her web deeper and deeper. Not only had he been so foolish as to accept her invitation for dinner, but now he came out with this ridiculous idea of walking her home as if he were courting her in that old-fashioned way.

The thing was that he just couldn't help it and wasn't sure what hurt him more either stopping all contact with her or being so close to her with the knowledge that she would never be close enough. Kid just didn't know what to do any longer. He kept deluding himself and even tonight he had got to think that there was something going on between the two of them. There was a certain air of what people called chemistry between them, and he had felt it tonight stronger than ever. Maybe it was just his wishes and imagination but it hurt like hell.

"Well, this is it," Lou announced as they stopped before a large building. Kid looked up at the high red-bricked convent. He had driven Lou here a couple of times, but now that he could have a closer look at the building he could see how impressive it was.

"This place's magnificent," he said admiringly.

"Uh yeah... quite old actually. I could show it to you one of these days," Louise replied.

Kid shook his head as he replied in a very serious voice, "I don't think so."

Tonight's easy atmosphere had vanished, and Lou felt the awkwardness of lately fall over them again. She smiled grimly, but Kid remained very serious and after a few moments she said, "I have to go. It's been a lovely evening. Thank you for walking me home."

Louise turned to go, but his voice stopped her. "Lou, wait!" She looked at him questioningly and Kid added, "I have something for you." He rummaged in the pocket of his coat for a few moments and finally produced a small package. "A Christmas present for you."

"Kid, you shouldn't... you..." she stammered, feeling strangely uncomfortable.

"Open it," he stopped her protests. She locked eyes with him for a second and then proceeded to unwrap the package. A little jewelry box revealed itself and when she pushed the lid open, she discovered a gold chain and small engraved medal.

"Oh Kid..."

"Do you like it?"

"Yeah... but you really shouldn't," she repeated again. She lifted the medal to her eyes and had a closer look under the light of the street lamp which they stood under. "It's St. Rita of Cascia..."

"Patron Saint of loneliness and impossible dreams," Kid filled in, looking her in the eyes directly. "Now you have something you can remember me by. A lonely wolf with impossible dreams."

"You're more than that," Louise whispered softly while clasping the chain round her neck. Kid took a step closer, and as she looked up, she realized how close they were, but she didn't move an inch. "Lou, can... can I... can I give you a hug?"

Almost automatically Louise took a step backwards while she muttered, "I... I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not, Lou?" he retorted with a hurt expression. "We're friends, aren't we? And friends hug."

"I..." she tried, but she couldn't come up with a coherent excuse, so she simply nodded her agreement.

Kid smiled softly and after pausing briefly to look into her brown eyes, he threw his arms around her body, bringing her closer. A whimper almost escaped from his lips as his body pressed against hers. She felt so good... so soft... so wonderful. It wasn't the first time they hugged, but it was different. All his five senses were totally focused on her and he couldn't even think straight. Kid breathed in deeply, feeling intoxicated by her soft, familiar scent. The fingers in his hand extended as much as possible to feel her clothed, sweet back with almost his naked soul, and the soft murmur of her breathing sounded like music to his ears. Wrapped up in his own rapture, Kid shifted her head slowly, eying the beautiful pallor of her neck and before he could think what he was doing, his lips moved towards it as his whole self got shaken by an urgent need to taste her.

Lou stiffened when she felt his mouth on her neck and she pulled away roughly. Her cheeks were burning and her lips stretched into a strange smile as she lifted her gaze into his eyes, which looked at her with a hurt and angered expression.

"It isn't fair, Lou!" he exclaimed loudly, not caring who might hear him. "It isn't fair," he repeated in a softer tone. "You can't imagine what you do to me, what you mean to me. I constantly dream about the kind of life we will never have and I'm tired of dreaming."

"Please, Kid, don't spoil it."

Despite her words, Kid continued regardless. "We would have a full life, Lou. Every day after work we would cuddle on the sofa, watching a sappy movie while chatting, laughing, loving... and later I'd make love to you... all night long. And my day would start perfectly by just beholding your beautiful face. Lou, I would put my heart and soul to give you the happy life you deserve." He stopped briefly and then continued with the same bitter expression. "If you only knew how you make me feel... I don't know what you've done to me, but you've changed me completely. Nobody has ever meant so much to me... never. I know we're perfect for each other and it's not fair."

A sigh escaped his lips and he threw his arms to the sky in despair. Louise took a few steps closer to him and resting her hands on his tense shoulders, she said, "Kid, honey. I'm sure you'll have all that with a wonderful woman that will appear in your life sooner than you think. You'll feel all that and more for her."

Kid looked down into her bright eyes and replied, "You don't understand, do you?" He let out another sigh and regretting his outburst, he turned from her and added, "Please forgive me, Lou. I have no right to demand anything from you. I shouldn't have thrown a tantrum like a spoiled brat. It was a perfect night and I ruined it with my nonsense."

"It _is_ perfect," Louise contradicted him. "I gotta go now." She came closer to him and gave him a quick peck on his cheek. "Merry Christmas."

Kid stood there, watching her go inside the building and when the stout door creaked closed, he let out a sigh for the umpteenth time that night, went round on his heel and shuffled away.

Inside the darkened convent, Lou flopped against the closed door. She felt a bolt of pain as she remembered Kid's sad expression and words. The night hadn't turned out to be as she had hoped. Yeah, they had had a lovely dinner and nice conversation, but his last words had shown her that all she had managed was to make Kid even more miserable. Tonight she had realized that Kid's feelings for her went far beyond a mere infatuation. No wonder he was suffering and all because of her. How could she end his suffering? Every day she prayed to God that He would send a nice girl to him. A sweet, caring woman, who could share his dreams, his life, his choices; somebody with firm values and a good heart.

Louise sighed in the dark hall and started unbuttoning her coat. She hung it on a peg next to a door and kicking off her shoes, she picked them up and headed for her room, making sure she didn't make any noise. As she padded past the small patio, she saw light coming out of Marmee's office. Surprised, she approached and knocked on the opened door. "Mother?"

The older woman smiled and rose from her chair. "Louise, please come in." Lou did so and Marmee asked, "Did you have a nice dinner?"

"Very good, thank you."

The older nun averted her eyes and as she sat down in an armchair, she asked, "That man you were with... who is he?" Lou sent her a surprised stare and the other woman added, "I just had a glimpse through the window and happened to see you."

Louise blushed awkwardly wondering how much Marmee had seen or heard. She had nothing to hide and had done nothing to be frowned upon, but still she felt uncomfortable if Marmee thought that there was something fishy going on. She hadn't told any of her sisters about the special situation between her and Kid. That wasn't something she could flaunt freely.

"That was Dr. Kydd, my first supervisor. I heard that he was spending the night on his own and I asked him to join me and Theresa," Lou explained breezily, as unconsciously her hand flew to fondle the medal Kid had given her.

Marmee eyed her with curiosity, noticing the new chain round her neck but she didn't say anything about it. "Is he the reason why you wanted to celebrate Christmas elsewhere?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "You already know me."

Marmee nodded with a big smile and added, "You've always been very soft-hearted." She paused briefly and adopting a more serious tone she said, "You must be wondering why I'm still up."

"I thought you were waiting for me like a worried mom," Lou replied with a smile.

The woman didn't respond to the gesture and remained with a serious expression. "There is news. Have you ever met Sister Helen from the community in Philadelphia?"

"No, I don't think I have," Lou replied, casting her mind back to the few general meetings of the sisterhood she had attended.

"She died yesterday... a heart attack. God bless her." Lou didn't reply, fully aware that Marmee was telling her all this at this ungodly hour of the night for a reason. "She was a very active sister in the community apart from being a teacher at our school there. Another sister is going to replace her in her duties, so you can imagine that there's going to be some movement in the order quite soon. They need somebody experienced and reliable to fill in the post as a Mistress of novices … at least from now until the summer. "

Louise instantly panicked as she understood what Marmee wasn't saying. Her heart started pounding in her chest as she exclaimed, "They can't send me away. Not now!"

"Louise, it hasn't been decided yet. I shouldn't actually be telling you, but I thought you needed to be prepared just in case."

"But I'm supposed to go to Somalia in the summer!"

"That would stay the same," Marmee replied. "Your name has been mentioned. After all, this convent is not your permanent house either."

"But what about my fellowship? I've been working so hard," Lou protested vehemently, feeling that the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Unexpectedly the image of Kid popped into her mind and the notion of saying goodbye to him filled her with utter terror.

"Maybe you could finish your training in one of those cities... it can be fixed somehow. In any case, you know this is our life and our duty to God is more important than our personal choices," Marmee concluded in a practical tone.

"Marmee, I can't go... please I just can't go," Louise begged in despair, her voice shrill as her hands clung to the other woman's clothes. "Please, Mother, you have to talk to them and convince them to let me stay here. "

"Louise, what's wrong with you?" Marmee exclaimed completely baffled by the young woman's attitude. "This is not like you. What's happening?"

Her words managed to calm her down, but fear had taken grip of her soul and she felt like crying. "I don't know... I..." Her voice trailed off, incapable of finding the words or the sense of what she wanted to express.

"Louise, I think you're just tired. Why don't you go to bed? Tomorrow everything will look brighter." Lou nodded and rising to her feet, she started towards the door. "And Merry Christmas," Marmee added with a smile before she scurried away.

"Merry Christmas," Lou muttered without even turning her head. She didn't want her to see how upset she was and how her eyes were filling with tears. She was so scared... terrified and she didn't even know why. Never before had she felt so overwhelmed by circumstances. Nothing of this was new to her, but she didn't know why she was feeling so miserable right now. It had been a perfect Christmas Eve that had ended up in the worst possible way.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Soft whimpers were heard in the silence of the room. Her forehead was covered in profuse sweat, and her face contorted in sheer despair as her body tossed and turned in the bed. An agonizing yelp left her lips at the same time as her upper trunk quickly rose up from her lying position, instantly waking her up. A tremor shook her body as she shifted her body, huddling against the headboard, her legs flexed against her chest and her hands squeezing the quilt around her petite frame.

For the last week the same dream had haunted her …since Christmas Eve. It was almost the same scenario. She saw herself standing on a springboard, ready to jump. She slowly came to the edge and hovered over a pool but instead of clear water it was brimming with blood, dark and smelly, thick and revolting... frightening. A chorus of voices urged her to jump... she knew she had to jump, but she didn't want to. She was scared to death, petrified. As she turned her head behind her back, she found Kid at the end of the springboard, his hand stretched towards her and softly whispering to come to him. She smiled, and her whole self felt drawn to him but suddenly a strong push from an invisible force made her lose her balance and fall. Her body bumped against the hard wooden board. Kid rushed forward and his hand reached to grab hers. For a moment she stayed holding onto his hand, her body dangling in the abyss, but she couldn't resist any longer. Her fingers slid from his and with a terrified scream she fell until her body penetrated into the thick surface of the blood. It was at this point she always woke up with a start, totally frightened and trembling.

Louise wanted to believe that this strange, recurrent dream was simply the result of her apprehension about leaving her convent as Marmee had told her on Christmas Eve. In her nightmare Kid represented the clinic, everything she'd leave behind, the job she loved. That was it, that simple, yeah... Nevertheless, somehow she knew that there was more than that. Lately she could hardly concentrate and her mind wandered off to corners that she couldn't even admit to herself. This was so new, so strange to her and she didn't even know how to deal with it. What was happening to her? For Christmas she had taken ten days off work and her community went into retirement, a period of intense prayer, spiritual exercises and restrictions. For the first time in over twelve years Lou felt she couldn't put her mind and soul into it and was unable to talk to God. It was as if she was marooned, isolated, and couldn't find Him, but instead she kept receiving all kinds of strange sensations and disturbing images.

Louise breathed in deeply, trying to get rid of the suffocating pressure in her chest and then she released the air slowly. After repeating the process several times, she stopped, realizing that she was wasting her time. The clock on her bedside table flashed the time. Three o'clock in the morning. Without thinking about it twice, she leapt out of bed and after throwing her robe over her body and slipping on her slippers, she dashed out of her room. In a couple of minutes she entered the chapel, turned on a light and dropped on the pew kneeler heavily.

Closing her eyes, she buried her face into her hands and remained in that position for many minutes, her mind fighting to stay focused, begging for a response, but those strange sensations never left her. She lifted her head from her hands finally and her eyes came across the figure of the Virgin Mary standing in her niche in the middle of the altarpiece. Louise had the impression her soft face was looking at her with accusing, furious eyes, and a flood of shame fell over her as she mumbled a quick prayer. From the ledge in the kneeler she took out a Bible and opened it at random. She started reading the page under her eyes, a chapter from Song of Songs.

_What is thy beloved more than another beloved,_

_O thou fairest among women?_

_What is thy beloved more than another beloved,_

_That thou dost so charge us?_

_My beloved is white and ruddy,_

_The chiefest among ten thousand._

_His head is as the most fine gold;_

_His locks are bushy, and black as a raven:_

_His eyes are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters,_

_Washed with milk, and fitly set:_

_His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers:_

_His lips like lilies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh:_

_His hands are as gold rings set with the beryl:_

_His belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires:_

_His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold:_

_His countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars:_

_His mouth is most sweet:_

_Yea, he is altogether lovely._

_This is my beloved, and this is my friend,_

_O daughters of Jerusalem_

_._

The tears came unleashed as she silently recited King Solomon's poetic allegory. _'This is my beloved, and this is my friend,'_ the words kept repeating in her mind over and over again like an agonizing cry, like a sharp knife penetrating in her very soul. Her quiet tears soon turned into sobs which racked her weak body, and she dropped her head against the Bible splayed out on the surface of the kneeler. A hand on her shoulder startled her and as she lifted her teary eyes, she found Marmee hovering over her.

"Something wrong, Louise?" the woman asked with a concerned voice.

Lou wiped the tears with the back of her hand and closed the Bible hurriedly. "I... I was praying," she replied with a husky voice as she sat down on the seat in the pew.

Marmee placed herself next to her on the pew and added, "I heard you walk here last night too." Her room was just above the chapel and being a light sleeper, any sounds reached her in the silence of the night. "Are you still worried about what I told you on Christmas Eve?"

"I guess I am," Louise replied softly even though she knew that wasn't all her tears hid.

"I think we'll know for sure next week," Marmee added. "But Louise, I don't need to explain to you that this life of ours is hard... you already know the sacrifices we sometimes have to make... but that's what we were chosen for."

"I understand that, Mother."

"But that doesn't make it easier, does it?" Lou shook her head slowly and the older woman added, "I better go back to bed. We still have a couple of hours before morning prayer."

The woman rose to her feet and started off towards the door. "Mother..." Lou called and Marmee stopped, turning to her. Louise was debating with herself whether to tell her what was happening to her. She needed someone to listen to her, advise her about all this, what she should do, how she could stop all this torture and agony. Yet, she didn't know how to explain it in words. She wasn't even sure what exactly was happening to her. All she knew was that she was living a total nightmare. How could she explain something she didn't really understand and at the same time totally embarrassed her? So after pondering about it for a long minute, she averted her eyes from Marmee's and simply said, "Good night."

* * *

Laughter resounded around her, but Louise couldn't bring herself to share the jolly mood among her sisters. Their time of retirement had come to an end today, and like usual they had a nice meal of celebration and thanksgiving. Louise picked at her food as the conversation flowed at the table. She didn't even lift her face from her plate and simply waited for the meal to finish and then she'd be able to escape the inquisitive looks of her sisters. After a final prayer, Louise was finally able to leave the room and shuffled along to nowhere in particular. Her woes hadn't stopped, and she found herself suffering them in silence, alone. Lou didn't know who she could talk to, who could understand what she just didn't understand herself. All she knew was that something was really happening in her tumultuous insides. Soon her vacation from the hospital would be over. She still had two days before she had to go back to the clinic, and strangely the idea filled her with utter terror but at the same time part of her just couldn't wait for that to happen.

As all these thoughts kept brewing in her mind, her eyes caught sight of Melly, sitting forlornly on a bench along the corridor. Lou's mouth split into a smile for the first time in days, and she came to sit on the bench, taking the girl in her arms and placing her on her lap. "Give me a cuddle, beautiful!" Lou exclaimed happily. The little girl hugged and gave the young woman a kiss, but her face stayed sullen. "What's that long face for, honey?"

"I'm bored," Melly replied with a pout.

"The boys won't let you play with them again?" Lou asked and the girl shook her head grimly. "I'll tell you what we're gonna do! You and me are going to the library right now and we're going to read the book you like best. You like that?"

The girl nodded her head vigorously, smiling from ear to ear. When they reached the small library, Melly ran straightaway to the shelf where the books for children were, dropping almost all of them to the carpeted floor. She fell to her knees and started examining them one by one. From the door Louise smiled at the lovely scene, but soon something else caught her eye. She kept gazing at the telephone on the big desk, debating with herself whether she should carry out what a little voice was urging her to do.

The voice finally won the battle against her common sense and after closing the door, she quickly crossed the length of the room, picked up the receiver and dialed the number. Holding her breath and biting her nails, Louise waited for the call to go through and almost whimpered when she heard the voice at the other end of the line.

"Hello, Dr. Kydd speaking." Lou stiffened and didn't hurry to talk. Her first impulse was to hang up, but she stood there in silence, holding the receiver against her ear. When he didn't get an answer, Kid repeated, "Hello? Anybody there?"

"Hi," Louise finally spoke up in a hoarse whisper.

"Lou?" Kid exclaimed, his mouth automatically forming a happy smile. "How are you?"

"Uh... fine," Lou replied in the same hesitant tone of voice.

"You know, we miss you around here," he continued. He paused briefly and as she remained silent, he added, "You just called in the nick of time, Lou. Rachel and Teaspoon got back from Europe this morning, and we're all going out to celebrate. Why don't you join us? Shall I pick you up... say in an hour?"

"I... I can't. Sorry."

Her voice sounded very weird and the alarm in his head immediately went off. "Something wrong, Lou? You don't sound quite like yourself."

"No... It's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

She paused, unable to repeat the words and excuses that she didn't even believe. She had no idea why she had called him in the first place, and logically he might be wondering the same. After that brief awkward moment of silence, she continued, "Kid..."

"I'm here, Lou."

"Uh...There's a possibility... I might have to leave the city and ... logically the clinic," Lou explained, her heart shrinking with each word she uttered.

"You mean for good?" Kid asked, his voice tinged with tension. Her silence gave him the answer to his question and he asked again, "Wh... when?"

"Soon... I don't know."

"But what about your work here?"

"I'll have to quit," Louise replied with the same tone of voice. "It isn't for sure yet, but I think the odds are against me."

Kid was overwhelmed by the pain and shock of finding out that she was sliding out of his life forever. He could hardly find his own voice. His mind was reeling with fear of losing her in all senses and finally he said the only thing that he felt strong about. "Lou, I need to see you."

"I..." Lou started hesitantly and as she heard a noise at the door and its knob turning, she hurriedly said, "Kid, I gotta go. I'll see you in a couple of days. We'll talk then."

Before he could reply, Louise hung up at the same time as the door swung open. "Oh Louise, I didn't know you were here," said the nun that appeared. "Sorry to disturb you."

Lou smiled at Sister Katherine. The nun was the same age as her and inside the convent she was her best friend apart from Marmee. They had their novice training together and even though they were very different in personality, they loved and respected each other. "It's all right, Kathy."

"I heard that you might be leaving," the nun remarked with a sullen expression. "This place won't be the same without you."

Louise shrugged her shoulders, trying to appear indifferent and cool about it. "I'm going to miss being here too," Louise admitted in a soft voice.

Sister Katherine smiled sadly. "I'll see you later then," she said.

Before her friend could go, Lou called her. "Kathy!" The young woman met her eyes, a silent question in her gaze. Louise looked over her shoulder at Melly who was happily amused, turning over the colored pages of every book she came across and turning her eyes back to the nun she said, "You got a minute? There's something I want to talk to you about."

Katherine stared at her with a confused frown, noticing the seriousness in her voice and countenance. Nobody in the convent had missed the changes in Louise in the last week. The cheerful and amiable woman they all knew seemed to have vanished, and Louise now looked subdued and bleak all the time. Everybody had chalked those changes to the fact that Louise might be transferred to another convent. Yet, knowing Lou as well as she did, Katherine had the hunch that there was more to it than met the eye. So hoping to hear the reasons of her strange mood, Katherine met her friend's eyes and without the slightest hesitation she said, "Sure."

* * *

The last couple of days of her vacation flew by and the dreaded moment to go back to the clinic eventually came. Louise sighed as she left her bike in its usual place and made her way towards the entrance. She was feeling completely drained and depressed. Everything around her seemed to suffocate her, and she had to muddle along with a constant pain in the pit of her stomach. At night she hardly got any sleep as her nightmares kept invading her mind and during the day things weren't easier either. She felt as if she were inside an invisible circle she couldn't escape from. Her poor attempts to tackle down the situation had failed miserably like the time she had decided to talk to Katherine. She had started all right, explaining to her how she was feeling, of her inner emptiness, of her religious concerns, of her fears, but then she had continued babbling on without making any sense. No wonder Kathy had looked at her as if she had lost her mind. But how could she talk about something that escaped her grasp? She couldn't expect anybody to help her when she wasn't sure what was happening to her.

Louise crossed the reception. Emily was busy talking to a couple of men, and Lou passed by her unnoticed without even greeting her. She wasn't in the mood to talk about this last Christmas. As she continued along, she then spotted Cody and Kid waiting before the elevator. Louise stopped and felt her body stiffen. Without being noticed by her two colleagues, she retreated a couple of steps and dashed through a door on the left where the beginning of the stairs was. Without a pause she shot up the staircase, but when she was about to climb the second flight, she heard her name being called and reluctantly stopped.

Rachel came behind her, smiling brightly. "Louise, I'm so glad to see you!" the woman exclaimed and, when she reached her, the two women shared a hug. "So tell me, are you also like me, trying to get rid of the extra weight I put on this Christmas by taking the stairs instead of the elevator?"

Louise smiled at the comment, but didn't reply or try to explain her reasons. Instead she said, "And how are you... Mrs. Hunter?"

Rachel beamed happily. She still wasn't used to her new name, but every time she heard it, she felt very pleased. "I've never been better."

"You don't say," Lou replied teasingly.

"It's kind of strange, Louise. Me and Teaspoon have been together all these years, and nothing has really changed between us, but I feel so utterly happy since we married I can't even express."

"I understand," Lou paused and then she asked, "So what's next? Are you planning to give Amanda a baby brother or sister soon?"

"Lou, we've only been married for fifteen days!" Rachel exclaimed as if she were stunned by her question, but then a sly grin spread across her face as she said, "Actually... we've been thinking about adopting."

"Really?"

"Yeah... I'm not so young anymore and our time to change diapers is over," Rachel explained. "We still want to be parents and we feel we could give a small child a good home with us."

Louise nodded. "You could always try foster care," Lou suggested. "The child could be available for adoption later, and the procedure could be easier for you. Adopting a child is not so simple for either of the parties, parents and children, and this could give you the insight of what you would get yourselves into if you decide to take that step."

"I never thought about it," Rachel admitted, pondering Lou's words seriously.

"There are many children waiting to get into a family... like Melinda," Louise pointed out.

"You mean that lovely girl I met at your place?" Rachel asked.

Lou nodded. "She's lovely all right... but sadly, she also has a major problem." She paused for a second and then she added, "She's HIV positive."

"Oh..."

"You can well imagine that people freak out as soon as they hear the word. Melly's been with us for two years... since she was a small thing. I've been told that she's stayed with families a couple of times, but she's always been returned to us... like a faulty item to a shop. It really breaks my heart."

"What about her family?" Rachel asked.

"Her mother died in jail last year, and there's no acknowledged father," Louise explained. "I know if you make up your mind about it, Melly would be good for you... and you would be good for her... a couple of medical professionals."

"Louise, I got the impression that you were very fond of her... as if she were your little girl," Rachel remarked.

"Yes, I am, but she needs a mother... and a father. I want her to be happy."

"I don't understand you, Louise. I really couldn't let somebody I love go willingly. It would kill me."

Louise averted her eyes. Rachel's words made her uncomfortable and refueled the sensations in her inside. "That's what my life is like. I cannot devote myself to anybody in particular. I'm simply God's instrument to give myself to the rest of the world. The vow of poverty isn't only about material things... you need to be poor in your soul too and then God will provide."

"But don't you miss having a family of your own?" Rachel insisted.

"I already have a family. The sisters are my family... here, in Guam or wherever I might find myself. You know, a very extended family."

"Lou, I can't say I understand you. I couldn't be happy in your situation," Rachel remarked as they reached their floor.

"But I am," Lou stated firmly, more self-assured than she really felt lately. Apart from that, there was nothing much she could say. By experience she knew that it was an impossible task to make a skeptical person like Rachel understand her choices. After a short pause, Lou simply said, "Will you think about what I told you... about Melly?"

"I'll talk to Teaspoon." Lou nodded and turned to go but Rachel grabbed her by the arm. "Louise, are you all right?" the midwife asked. All the way here, while talking, Rachel had been eying Lou with curiosity. Rachel didn't know why, but she had the impression Louise looked and sounded very different... too gloomy. Her countenance was paler than usual, and her eyes lacked the liveliness that Rachel was used to seeing there. In general, Lou bore a melancholic air all over her, which Rachel found totally alien in her case.

"What? Yeah... I'm fine," Louise replied, repeated the same words she had repeated to her sisters when they had asked her the same question in the last week.

"You don't look too good to me," Rachel insisted.

"I've just had a rough Christmas... that's all."

Rachel kept quiet expectantly, hoping to hear more, but Lou never said one more single word. The doctor waved her hand in goodbye and simply walked away. Rachel stared at her younger friend and the way her body moved as she went along the corridor. There was something the matter with Louise... definitely. Of course, if she didn't want to talk about it, Rachel just couldn't make her. So with a shrug of her shoulders the midwife finally turned round and went her way in the exact opposite direction that Louise had taken. Her mind eagerly thought of the little girl Lou had told her about. It was both scary and exciting and she just couldn't wait to tell Teaspoon.

Lou slowly made her way down the corridor. Her eyes darted to read the names of the colleagues printed on the doors to their offices as she went by them. She was feeling very uncomfortable as if all the organs in her body had been wrung. Her heart was pounding and her skin prickled with goosebumps as she continued along as if she were trespassing into a secret, dark lair. She hoped these silly sensations disappeared soon because she didn't know how she'd manage to get to the end of the day like this. Her steps stopped, and her eyes lingered on the door behind which she had spent many hours, and a tremor shook her body from head to foot. Almost as suddenly as she had stopped, she continued and nearly ran until she reached her office and got herself safely inside.

* * *

As the day progressed, Lou started feeling a bit better. Of course nobody she had seen had missed her strange mood, and she had had to parry their curiosity and inquisitiveness, especially Jimmy's. He kept looking at her with curiosity, and she had tried to ignore him as much as she could. Fortunately, he hadn't insisted much when she had said that nothing was the matter with her, and in a way she really felt it was true. There was nothing to say... at least nothing she could explain.

Both Jimmy and Lou made their usual visits to his patients after lunch break, which Louise had skipped and instead she had stayed in the office, trying to catch up with everything she had missed during her vacation. Of course, if she was sincere with herself, she had to admit that the reason was quite different. She simply didn't want to go to the cafeteria and take the risk of running across the colleagues she hadn't seen so far. She wasn't in the mood to be civil or behave as if nothing was bothering her.

After the daily rounds, both doctors ambled back to the office. They had hardly been there for a minute when the phone rang and Jimmy answered the call. "We'll be there straightaway," he said before hanging up and turning to his intern, he added, "Lou, we need to give Kid a hand. He has a C-section in room 5. Get ready."

Terror washed over her whole body and she felt her breathing quicken. "Jimmy, can... can I be excused from that?" she asked in a trembling voice.

He frowned in confusion. "Why? Are you avoiding each other again? I thought you had reached an understanding and were friends again."

"It... it's not that."

"Something happened between you two on Christmas Eve?" Jimmy insisted. "Did he ... try something?"

"No!" she exclaimed, completely shocked that Jimmy could suggest something like that. "Of course not! Kid doesn't have anything to do with this."

"Then why don't you want to work with him? And why did you consciously skip lunch just not to see him?" Louise stared at him with a stunned expression and Jimmy added, "I might be a bit thick at times, but I'm not a fool."

His words didn't sit well with her and feeling irritated she said, "Forget about it. Let's go."

Louise led the way out of the office, leaving Jimmy behind. She squared her shoulders and breathed in deeply as she told herself that she had nothing to be afraid of. Kid had nothing to do with what was happening to her lately. He was her friend, and she was very fond of him. Maybe his confessed feelings towards her were what was making her especially uncomfortable, in particular after their talk on Christmas Eve. His vehement speech that night was the reason why she felt so confused and haunted at night and during the day. It was only that, and she had to admit that avoiding him wouldn't help her to steady herself. She was just being stupid, and as soon as she talked to him like usual, she'd feel better and back to her old self.

Jimmy and Lou entered the operating room, already dressed in their scrubs. The rest of the required staff was already there. Louise's breath got caught as soon as she saw Kid. "Nice to see you, Lou," he said, his bright blue eyes over his mask revealing the smile he wasn't showing.

"You too," she mumbled and tried to lift her eyes to him, but she felt unable to do and focused her attention on the lady on the operating table.

"Any news?" Kid asked, eager to know that she wouldn't be leaving. He hadn't been able to think about anything else since she had told him, and even though his common sense told him that her leaving would help him to get over his feelings eventually, he just didn't want to say goodbye to her... despite everything.

Lou simply shook her head, and they started to work in silence. Kid was in charge of the operation and Jimmy and Lou simply assisted him. Her eyes kept darting between his skilled hands working diligently on the patient and his blue eyes, which adopted a serious shine every time he was so concentrated on something. A strange sensation started bubbling inside her, totally frightening. She felt the sweat cover her skin, and her body tremble like a leaf from her head to her feet. Her heart was pounding in her chest so strongly that she had the impression it would break her ribs and rip her flesh. The room seemed to be spinning around her, suffocating and stifling her.

"Lou, are you all right?" she heard somebody say, but she couldn't recognize who.

The Kelly forceps trembled in her hand, and she felt she couldn't breathe. The forceps fell from her hand onto the floor as she wheezed, "I can't ... I can't breathe."

Disoriented and dizzy, she tried to walk away and leave the suffocating room. She needed air, fresh air, she thought as she tried to fill her lungs to no avail. She hadn't taken more than a few steps when she fell heavily on the floor as strong chest pain hit her. "Louise!" she heard Emma cry and instantly a ruckus of voices resounded around her. She felt a couple of arms around her body but she could hardly lift her eyes to see who it was. The pain was so intense that she thought she was going to faint. Her own hand flew to her chest as she struggled to breathe. She could hear the voices but she couldn't understand anything. Yet, in the middle of her chaotic mind she managed to make out his voice. "Lou, please, talk to me!" She managed to raise her eyes to see him crouch before her huddled body and with a ragged breath she finally managed to say in a very tiny voice, "I... think... I'm… having a heart attack."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Louise laid on a bed in one of the hospital rooms. After about fifteen minutes suffering from that petrifying attack, the pain in her chest and the suffocating sensation had disappeared and she was back to her normal self. Those fifteen minutes had felt like hours and all that had happened in that short time was a blurry, unclear image in her mind. She remembered her body being lifted from the floor by strong arms and being rushed out. Later she had known those strong arms had belonged to Kid.

"Here. Take this."

Louise turned her head to see Kid stretching a glass with water to her. She shifted in the bed and propped herself against the pillows and without a word she grabbed the glass and took a sip.

"Are you sure you're feeling all right, sweetheart?" Teaspoon asked for the fourth time from his standing position at the foot of the bed.

"I just feel like a fool," Louise replied morosely and the two men in the room shared a smile. "What kind of doctor am I that I can't tell the difference between a heart attack and a panic attack?"

"Lou, you know that the symptoms are very similar. People often confuse them," Kid replied.

"It was horrible," Lou muttered, and as a tremor coursed over her body, she remembered something and asked, "And... and the baby?"

"Everything went fine. Mrs. Collins had a healthy boy. Jimmy finished what we started," Kid explained. When he had seen Lou in that scary state, he had been torn between his responsibility to his patient and his desire to go to the woman he loved. Jimmy seemed to have read his mind, and with a nod he had beckoned to him to go to Lou while he continued with the C-section.

"I'm really sorry," Lou muttered, lowering her eyes to the glass in her hands.

"Lou, everything's fine and it's not your fault."

They remained in silence for a brief moment and then Teaspoon said, "Louise, is this the first time you've suffered an attack of that kind?"

"Yeah... I think so," Louise muttered. She had felt the strange pressure in her chest all last week, but in comparison both sensations were very different. Today she had actually believed that she was going to die. "In fact, I haven't felt totally all right for the last few days."

"I'm not an expert in the field, Louise," Teaspoon continued, "but often anxiety is just the outcome of a period of special tension and other times it happens without an apparent reason." Louise nodded, aware of what her boss was saying. "Do you have any problems, Louise? Now I don't want you to think I'm a nosy old man, but if you have any concerns related to work, I'd love to be able to give you a hand."

Lou sent Kid a quick glance and gulping nervously, she muttered, "Everything's fine here... I don't really know what it could be."

"Lou, maybe you're worried about the idea of having to quit and leave town," Kid added.

"You're quitting?" Teaspoon asked with a surprised expression.

"Possibly," Louise replied. "I might be transferred to another convent in Philadelphia."

Teaspoon stared at Louise with curiosity. He doubted that she would be affected by those circumstances so much as to have a physical reaction. The young doctor was eager to travel thousands of miles to a foreign country and another continent where the situation was dangerous to say the least. How could she then be anxious for just moving to another part of the country? Of course the human mind was the strangest and most mysterious organ in the human body, and anything could be possible.

"I don't think it's that," Louise continued. "I don't really know what it is. Maybe it's nothing."

Teaspoon stroked his chin pensively and after she had finished talking, he added, "Now, Louise, I want you to take a week off..."

"But, Teaspoon," Lou exclaimed, cutting him off, and moved her body to the edge of the bed where she remained seated. "I just came back today."

"From vacation," the older man filled in, "but now you're going to go on sick leave."

"I'm not sick!"

"And then," Teaspoon carried on, ignoring her protests, "you're going to see Dr. Schneider, one of the best psychiatrists in the hospital."

"I'm not going to do any such thing!"

"Of course it's up to you," the man replied in a very calm tone. "Either you go to therapy or I'll have to let you go. I just can't have a doctor on our staff when she's obviously unwell."

Louise's eyes eagerly sought Kid's, but she realized that he wouldn't help her or fight Teaspoon's resolution. In any case, he wasn't her supervisor anymore,and even in that case, he would also agree with Teaspoon and she imagined that Jimmy would as well. So she finally said, "All right. I'll do whatever you want."

"Good girl," Teaspoon exclaimed pleased, but Lou averted her eyes from him, resting her head in her hand, looking anything but happy. "And now, young lady, get ready to go home and rest."

"I can give you a lift," Kid offered.

Louise freaked out. She didn't want to be alone with Kid, the mere notion making her heart race. However stupid it sounded, she was scared of him or maybe the strange sensations his presence sparked. Fortunately for her, Teaspoon saved the day as he said, "Kid, you stay here. You have work. I'll drive her home. I'd love to have a word with Mother Mary. What is it you call her?"

"Marmee," Lou replied with a sheepish little smile.

"I'll talk to your Marmee then," Teaspoon repeated, uttering the name in an exaggerated fashion that almost made Lou giggle despite everything.

"I'll go then," Kid concluded disappointed. He'd have liked to talk to Lou alone. Apart from the terrifying panic attack she had suffered, he was sure that something was the matter with her. She kept her eyes downcast almost all the time, her voice sounded strangely husky and her back hunched as if she were trying to hide her body from everybody. This wasn't the same Lou he had left in her convent on Christmas Eve, and Kid wondered what could possibly have happened since then.

Kid turned to go and when he was at the door, he swirled around and said, "Lou, please, get well soon. You know we all care for you and hate seeing you like this."

A chill ran through her spine as she heard his veiled comment. She didn't know whether to cry or shout. Why did he have to say all those things to her? Why did he have to tell her he cared for her? She just didn't want to listen or understand. Didn't he see who she was? She was a nun for goodness' sake. Why did he keep making her uncomfortable with his words? Why didn't he leave her alone? She wanted to shout that all this was his fault. She was feeling so low and horrible because of him...him alone. His soft words, his tender gestures, his hurt expression... all that was playing havoc on her ... confusing her. Marmee was right. She was a softie,and that part of her personality was now causing her big problems, even affecting her life. She was feeling furious and wanted to hurl her anger to him, but instead she simply let out a sigh and said, "Thank you."

* * *

The door closed behind her, and Louise felt an immense sensation of relief as she left the room. It was the second session she had had with Dr. Schneider, the psychiatrist she had been referred to by Teaspoon. As she had promised, she had agreed to go into therapy, but Lou didn't think those sessions were working. She was still feeling those disturbing sensations and she even had the impression that they had soared. Fortunately, she hadn't suffered another panic attack, but the sensation that her soul was suffocating inside her body was constant. Dr. Schneider had prescribed her some tranquillizers that made her sleep better, but other than that her therapy was a total waste of time.

Her sick days felt very long, almost endless. If only she could work, her mind would be busy and distracted from all her worries. Yet, Teaspoon wouldn't listen to reason and didn't want her back in the clinic in less than a week. Besides, he had told Marmee about her breakdown in full detail, and the older nun had also stopped her other activities she did as a volunteer, telling her that she needed her rest. The only good thing that had come out of all this had been that her transfer had been canceled. Lou didn't know if it was due to her alleged sickness or something else. In any case, she was very worried that because of her present problems her job at the clinic and her future mission in Somalia would be at risk. What if she couldn't perform as a doctor from now on? That notion scared her. She simply wanted to be back to her old self once and for all. Louise spent many hours a day in the chapel, asking God for a sign, for a light for her to find her way out of this dark tunnel she found herself in, but she hadn't got a response yet. Now she was even starting to think that she wasn't a good nun. A good nun wouldn't let herself be influenced by weaknesses like she was. Her whole body betrayed her and she was feeling like a fool.

On those unending days there was a moment that made her think as if she were in heaven and in hell at the same time. It was when Kid phoned her, which he did every day without fail. In those brief minutes she found herself smiling foolishly and longing for more but at the same time the realization of her own acts meant a total turmoil for her soul. Every day when she hung up, she told herself that she wouldn't take any more of his calls, but the following day came and she couldn't resist, almost running to the phone.

After his calls, Lou felt immersed in a total nightmare as that suffocating pressure and fear rushed back to her, overwhelming her. Lou knew that there was nothing wrong in her friendship with Kid, but somehow her heart was confused by the good relations they had. He had become her best friend and her fear of losing him when he had wanted to break their bonds was what had prompted her to give more importance to his friendship above everything else. That was what was happening to her, only that. After reflecting for many hours she had reached that conclusion. She had wandered off her smooth road, and now she was living her own anguish and struggle to return back to her path.

Louise came out of the hospital after her session with the psychiatrist. She stood still for a moment, staring at the attached building that housed the clinic. Her heart urged her to go in there, but after a moment's thought, she decided to turn round and continue the other way. She was afraid of her own reactions and felt scared by the mere idea of coming across her colleagues. She didn't want to see anybody. As she turned to go, a voice crying her name stopped and to her chagrin she saw Emily running towards her. As they came together, the receptionist gave her a hug and asked, "How are you, Lou?"

"Better."

"Oh that's good," Emily replied. "So you went to see the shrink?"

Despite everything, Lou had to laugh. Emily really had a special way about her that made her always smile whatever the circumstances were. "And what are you doing outside your cave?" Lou asked.

"I had a meeting with the people from the association you told me about. You were right. They're really good and are helping my dad an awful lot. So I'm starting work later today. I still have an hour before my shift begins."

"Then I gather Thomas is doing all right with his problem."

"Thankfully yes," Emily replied with a pleased smile. She stopped briefly and then added, "Lou why don't you come with me and have lunch in the cafeteria together? We haven't really talked since you went on vacation and I'm ready to have a nice chat."

"I don't know, Emily," Lou answered, trying to find an excuse to get out of this, but the receptionist didn't give her a chance to even think about it.

"Oh please, Lou. I hate to eat on my own!" Emily insisted. In the end, unable to refuse her begging eyes and countenance, the doctor agreed reluctantly and followed her friend into the cafeteria. As soon as she stepped inside, fear started crawling into her heart. It was silly, Lou thought, to let a place have such a big effect on her, but she didn't want to come across anybody who could stir her scary ghosts. Walking the length of the place, Lou did as Dr. Schneider had advised her. She stopped for a moment and had three deep intakes of air. Emily gave her a strange look and asked, "Are you all right?"

"More or less," Louise replied dismissively as she sat down opposite Emily at a table.

It didn't get unnoticed to the receptionist that Louise didn't look all right, but she didn't want to insist. Instead, as she studied her attire, she commented, "You have a very sportlike look on you today."

Louise lowered her eyes to examine her own clothes, the tracksuit she had put on this morning. "I planned to do some jogging after my visit with Dr. Schneider. I'm supposed to do some physical exercise as part of my darn therapy."

"And is the therapy with Dr. Schneider working?" Emily asked and Louise simply shrugged her shoulders in indifference. "Do you still have symptoms of anxiety?"

Lou nodded. "Not so strongly as that day, but yeah... almost continually."

"Even right now?" Emily continued and Louise bobbed her head up and down in agreement. "But, Lou, what is the problem?"

The doctor let out a sigh. This was precisely what she had feared, and why she had wanted to avoid seeing anybody. She didn't know how to answer those questions and now that Emily was questioning her, pressing her with questions, she was starting to feel slightly annoyed. "I don't know," she lied.

"I heard that you aren't leaving now as you had feared, are you? So if that problem is out of the picture..." Emily added, almost talking to herself.

"I don't know," Lou muttered again, tiredly resting her head on her hand.

For a while the two women ate in silence, and Emily kept glancing at Lou with curiosity. She had never seen her look so sad, so forlorn before, and it really broke her heart. After their lengthy fallout, they had managed to patch things up and the easy and friendly connection between the two of them had come back smoothly. Emily was so sorry to see her friend so low that she felt the need to get a smile out of her. They had a silly game between them, and it always managed to make them laugh. So with a mischievous grin she started, "Have you seen Kid lately, Lou? You should've been here yesterday. He just looked gorgeous!"

Her words which touched a sore spot triggered Lou's anger and sending her friend a murderous glance she snarled at the top of her voice, "Will you stop harassing me with Kid?"

Her furious reaction left Emily completely bewildered. "Lou... what's wrong?"

The look Emily cast at her made Lou realize that she had let herself get carried away by her current mood. "Sorry... forgive me. Nothing... it's just ... it's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing to me," Emily continued, giving Lou's hand an encouraging squeeze. "I want to help you, Louise. We're friends, aren't we? What is it, Lou?" The doctor remained silent, lowering her eyes to the table, and Emily dared to ask, "Does all this have anything to do with... Kid?" On hearing his name, Lou's head darted up and her eyes suddenly filled with unshed tears, revealing everything that Emily wanted to know. "Oh Lou," the receptionist exclaimed in a doleful voice.

Louise wiped her glazed eyes with a tissue and fumbled to find the words to excuse her reaction from before. "I... I don't know what's wrong with me. It's as if all my body were out of control. I have a continuous strong pressure in my chest, suffocating me, and I feel like crying all the time."

Emily listened to her attentively and when Lou had finished, she asked bluntly, "Are you in love with Kid?"

"What? No!" Louise exclaimed, flinching at her friend's question. "It's just... I've been under considerable tension, and I guess it's taking its toll now. This job is very demanding and I guess I have to take things more calmly from now on."

"Lou, it's not a crime to fall in love with somebody."

"I'm not in love with Kid," Louise stated, her heart skipping a beat as she uttered the words. She had been reluctant to even bring the thought to her mind and saying them aloud made everything seem more real, more frightening. "Talking about this is simply ridiculous. I'm a nun... a committed nun with a fulfilled life and plans."

"Lou, love is something you don't plan, it just happens," Emily insisted.

"But it's not happening to me."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," Lou stated in a very tiny voice.

Emily listened to what her friend was saying, but something told her that she wasn't being sincere. It was as if she was hiding behind a wall, concealing the truth she didn't want to acknowledge. Emily remained quiet for a moment, deep in thought. Maybe she was taking a chance with her next words but she felt she needed to make Lou wake up.

"Louise, in my old school a nun quit after years of profession, and it wasn't such a big deal, so if you..."

"That's not going to happen to me!" Lou exclaimed, totally horrified at what her friend was suggesting. "I love my life and nothing is going to ruin it!" She paused briefly and then added with a hesitant voice, "Actually, I've been doing quite a lot of thinking. Maybe it would be better for me to drop out of the fellowship program. Maybe it's just that I can't cope with everything that involves."

"Louise, no!" Emily contradicted her. "I know you're not a coward! I have the impression that you're scared to death because the only life you've known is in danger as new feelings are starting to grow in you."

Lou was about to protest, but as she caught sight of a very familiar face coming through the door, she let out in a sullen voice, "Oh God." Emily turned her head and saw Kid marching towards them with a wide smile on his face.

"Hey!" he greeted enthusiastically as he sat down next to Lou, his smile never faltering. "How are you?"

"Fine," Lou muttered without lifting her eyes. She felt her cheeks burning and her heart racing at top speed.

"You sure you're ok?" Kid repeated, ducking his head to try to catch her eye and taking her hand in his. Louise stiffened as she felt the touch of his skin and all she was able to do was nod.

Emily watched the scene with a mixture of amusement and tenderness. Lou couldn't be more obvious, blushing like a teenage girl and shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Emily could understand that getting stung by something like that could turn your whole existence upside down. No wonder Lou was suffering from panic attacks and some kind of depression.

In that moment Kid's pager beeped loudly cutting their conversation short and after catching a glimpse of the screen he let out, "Oh damn it! I have to go." He rose to his feet and looking down at Lou, he said, "I hope to see you back soon. This place isn't the same without you..." He stooped to give her a peck on the cheek and after saying goodbye to Emily he walked away.

Louise gripped the edge of the table so tightly that her knuckles went white. The tears burned her eyes and once again she felt the same suffocating sensation and could hardly breathe.

"Lou, are you all right?" Emily asked with a concerned expression, but she got no answer since without a word, the doctor shot off, running out of the place. Emily followed her just after pausing briefly to pick up her purse and Lou's knapsack and when she stepped outside, she found Lou almost bending, coughing and trying to catch her breath.

After a few minutes the doctor managed to stabilize her breathing and seeing her friend next to her, she wheezed, "My pills... Em... in ... my... knapsack."

Quickly Emily opened the bag and after rummaging inside for a few minutes, she found a bottle of pills. "Is this it?" the receptionist asked, showing the bottle to Lou. The doctor silently took the container from Emily, poured a couple of pills into her hand and threw them into her mouth. "Louise?" Emily asked. The doctor turned to her friend just as the tears started streaking down her face. The receptionist threw her arms around her friend's body, hugging her against her chest. The sobs started to rack her petite body as her hands held to Emily for dear life. She was feeling very lonely and miserable, and all she wanted was to go hide in a dark corner and cry... cry until she ran out of tears.

As Louise sobbed against her, Emily cooed her as if she were a small child and with soft words, she said, "Lou, honey, you need to stop this. You have to be sincere with yourself and face your fears... otherwise, all this will end up defeating you."

Louise heard her friend's soft voice, but she just couldn't stop crying. Admitting to herself that she was... was infatuated with Kid broke her apart. This couldn't be happening... not to her. She had a life... a life that was incompatible with human passions. She didn't want to change... she couldn't change. All this was just a fleeting thing and she swore to herself that she'd do anything to snatch these silly feelings out of her heart. Nothing would spoil her life... nothing at all.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

A week passed, and Lou decided it was time to go back to work. She didn't feel much better, but she couldn't just stay idle forever. Staying at home wasn't proving to have any beneficial effects, and she strongly felt the need to go back to her routine. Little by little she'd be able to channel the negative energy that tortured her and to deal with Kid like always. She had to admit that he was the problem... her personal problem and she needed to understand how she had come to have all these confusing feelings. As soon as she found their cause, she'd be able to sort out her situation. She had even thought of the possibility of having a word with Kid and explaining to him what was happening to her. He might help her and make her understand what she could do. Yet, in second thoughts Lou had discarded the idea. The odds were that he would misunderstand her and think that there could be a chance for the two of them, which would only add another problem to her already troublesome existence. No, this was something she would have to sort out on her own.

Louise crossed the threshold of the clinic and immediately Emily rounded her counter and dashed towards her. "Lou, how are you?" she asked expectantly after giving her friend a hug.

"Not much better, actually," Lou admitted in a soft voice. It made no sense to pull a strong face in front of Emily. She was the only one who roughly knew what her real problem was, and at least Lou thought that she didn't have to pretend around her.

"And you think it is reasonable to come back?" Emily asked.

"The pills are helping and will get me through the day," Louise replied with a tired voice.

Emily looked her up and down, noticing for the first time that apart from her veil, Lou was dressed in her religious clothes. "What do you have on, Lou? Honey, that won't make you feel any different or scare Kid away."

Louise felt slightly annoyed by her comment and she said, "That's not it! I'm just attending a funeral this evening, that's all. I thought it would save the trouble of getting changed twice."

Emily was about to reply, but she stopped as Rachel appeared, cutting their conversation short. "Louise!" the midwife exclaimed. "So glad to see you back!"

"Thanks, Rachel," Lou replied in a neutral voice.

"You know you gave us a good scare that day," Rachel continued, passing her arm around her friend's shoulders affectionately. Lou smiled and the midwife added, "Louise, you know what? We filed for foster care and a social worker is coming to see us tonight."

"That's good," Lou exclaimed. "I'm sure they'll give you the approval to get Melly."

There was a tinge of melancholy in her voice as she uttered her good wishes. As she had told Rachel days ago, she hoped that Melinda would find a nice family to take her in, and Lou couldn't think of anybody better than Rachel and Teaspoon. Yet, she felt a pang of pain, thinking that she was going to miss Melly the day she'd leave the center. Louise had to admit that giving up the possibility of being a mother was the part of her vocation she had always had more difficulty to coming to terms with. In fact, it was the only thing that had made her doubt about her resolution to join her religious profession all those years ago. With time she had learned to accept it and realized that her life could be filled with other kinds of joys.

"I better go," Lou finally said and walked away with slow steps.

The two women stood there, staring at Lou's retreating figure. "She doesn't look right," Rachel piped up, turning to Emily.

The receptionist shook her head with a rueful expression. "She's just a pigheaded fool," Emily exclaimed as she went back to her counter and turning her attention back to her blonde friend, she added in a much calmer voice. "Rachel, do me a favor. Keep an eye on her up there. I'm kind of worried."

Rachel eyed her with curiosity, her forehead creased into a frown, and asked, "You know something, don't you, Em?"

The receptionist let out a bitter guffaw. "I know more than I should, Rachel. Much more than I'd love to."

* * *

As the day progressed, Lou came to the conclusion that she had made the right decision to go back to her usual routine. She had really missed the activity, and as she had foreseen, work was proving to be a good distraction. After over two weeks off, she had a lot to catch up with, but she told herself that she'd do it at her own pace. Besides, she couldn't overdo herself even if she wanted to. Jimmy wouldn't let her. He had been watching her like a hawk all the time, constantly asking her whether she was all right. Lou could imagine that it had been a fright for everybody when she got that panic attack. Lou had to admit that she had been very scared and hoped she wouldn't feel another one again.

Louise wanted to believe that she had overcome her problems. During her time off, she had been able to reflect and think about her concerns and about what Emily had told her. She could admit that Kid provoked some feelings in her. She was human after all, and he was a man she had got really close to and had shared a good deal more with him than what she recalled doing with anybody else. They had talked about matters of intimate nature and logically all those open-hearted conversations had brought them together in more than one sense. Lou admitted that if she were a single woman with no other attachments, she would pursue a romantic relationship with him, and she was even convinced that they could be good together. Yet, all that was simple hypotheses. She had already made her decisions long ago and this train came late. So accepting her reality would be the first step to clear her confused feelings.

As the day progressed, Louise felt positive that her fears had been worse than the reality she had to face. That very morning she had been scared of the moment she'd set foot in the clinic, fearing that the strange sensations she had experienced would reappear. Yet, all those fears had proved to be groundless and she was actually feeling quite carefree. She wanted to believe that all this meant that she had finally made peace with herself. She was fine, even exultant at discovering that everything was as it should be, and she felt like shouting it from the rooftops.

Lou was on her way back from lunch. For one reason or another none of her colleagues had been in the cafeteria at this time of the day, not even Jimmy, who was having a meeting with Teaspoon at the moment, so she had her lunch on her own. Having nobody to talk to, she had finished eating earlier than usual and was on her way back to her office twenty minutes before her time. As she ambled down the corridor, her eyes caught sight of the chapel. Strangely, she hadn't set foot in the place in all the time she had been working there. So since she still had time before she was expected back, she decided to pay the chapel a quick visit.

Louise entered the deserted place and sat down at the front row of seats lined before the small altar. The room was small... almost tiny, with hardly any decoration on its white walls. A small wooden cross dominated the wall behind the altar. Louise intertwined her hands together, resting on her lap, and closed her eyes as she started to pray. Soon steps resounded behind her, echoing in the place as they came closer. She then noticed a body sitting by her side and as she opened her eyes, her heart skipped a beat when she found Kid's smiling face looking at her.

"Hi, Lou. I finally get to see you."

Louise nodded and before he could ask her, she said, "I'm fine, thanks." Kid gazed at her with a frown and she added, "That's what everybody kept asking me, so I thought I would save you the trouble of forming the question." Kid chuckled, amused by her comment. Louise was started to feel jittery and anxious again, ruining the good mood she had had until this moment. Louise clasped her hands more tightly so that Kid wouldn't notice that they were starting to shake.

"I saw you come here and wanted to say hi," Kid explained and lowering his eyes he added, "I've been very worried about you."

"I... I'm fine," Louise repeated with a husky voice, trying to control her quickening breathing and the tears pricking her eyes as she came to realize that her efforts to keep cool had vanished as soon as she had seen him.

Kid lifted his eyes and stared at her in silence. Even though she had said she was fine... not once but twice, he could see that she was still unwell. Her face showed a strange expression and pallor and her big, bright eyes never looked sadder. He could really drown in her brown eyes, and before he walked down the road to his own perdition, he breathed in deeply, cleared his throat and started talking in an attempt to distract his mind. "Uh... this place is kind of peaceful," he muttered as he swept his eyes around. "You know something? This is the very first time I've been in here." he chuckled once again as he added, "I don't know how you do it, Lou, but you got me into church twice in the last month."

Louise simply gave him a small smile and he continued, "This small chapel reminds me of our local church in Virginia. My mom used to take us every single Sunday. You should have seen me and my brother back then... wearing the most formal clothes and looking totally immaculate. Our hair done perfectly, slicked back with that gel Mom bought at the local drugstore, our pants and jackets without a single wrinkle, and both of us smelling of fresh soap. My mom was very particular. She used to say that no son of hers would go to the Sunday service looking like a ragamuffin."

A smile played on Lou's lips as she imagined a younger version of Kid looking spotless as he stood in a serious pose at a church pew. Lou could picture him as a small child and a deep tenderness washed over her. At the same time, a new image overlapped this one, making her wonder how a child of his would look. Heat rose to her cheeks as her mind started playing havoc again and she saw herself rocking a baby with bright blue eyes in her arms. Her heart started racing wildly in her chest and her lungs fought for air.

"Well, I better leave you praying," Kid finally said, not noticing the change in Louise or the turmoil she was going through.

As soon as he left, Louise jumped to her feet, crossed herself and dashed out of the chapel. Her whole body was trembling and her insides were in total chaos. She almost stumbled in her hurry to reach the changing room and once there she quickly opened her locker and grabbed the bottle of tranquillizers. She stepped back into the common room and getting herself a glass of water from the dispenser, she swallowed three pills, one more than usual. Dr. Schneider had told her that she could increase the dosage if she felt especially panicky. That was how she was feeling now... terrified. All this was becoming a major issue, even worse than she had believed. Her life as she had known it was in danger, and the thought scared her to death. She needed to stick to her beliefs, her values, her vocation. She just couldn't weaken... her whole life couldn't go to rack and ruin for a fantasy, some silly infatuation.

As those torturing thoughts kept hammering her, she dropped her body on one of the chairs around the table. She was starting to feel less anxious and her eyelids felt heavy. Her mouth formed a yawn as she let her head rest in her left flexed arm on the table. Her eyes drooped and little by little she drifted into sleep without even being aware of it. Her head sank onto the table heavily and not even the bump against its wooden surface woke her, and that was the way the afternoon found her... sleeping her worries away.

* * *

The day that had dawned so sunny and clear gradually worsened and that afternoon the first raindrops started falling. An hour later that first drizzle had turned into a downpour. The sky had opened up and was unloading its life-giving gift to the earth below. Kid moved from the widow he had been aimlessly looking through for the past ten minutes, deep in thought. His mind always drifted to the same matter, and he had lately reached some kind of conclusion. He wouldn't torture himself anymore. He knew what he felt and he also knew what Lou didn't feel. His attempts to erase his feelings for her had proved to be a waste of time and efforts, so now he wouldn't fight them. He needed to learn to live with them and hopefully one day they wouldn't be a bother anymore.

After a quick glimpse at his watch, he left his office. Today he'd go a bit earlier and finish their outstanding reports at home. As he entered the common room, his mouth stretched into a smile as his eyes fell on Lou's sleeping form, her head resting on top of her right arm which spread along the width of the table. Kid came closer and sat down on the empty chair next to hers. From that position he could see her face and for a few moments he stared at her in rapture. His eyes traveled from her messy, chestnut hair, a few stray thin threads falling over her forehead, to every single feature of her face: her closed eyes, so peaceful, her tiny, cute nose, and her mouth. His gaze lingered on her beautiful lips and he felt an immense desire to kiss her, a terrible longing. Before he did something he might regret, he leaned over and shook her gently.

"Lou, wake up," he said in a soft tone.

Her eyes fluttered for a few seconds and then opened groggily. Her right fist rubbed at them as she lifted her head from the table. Kid smiled at her, finding her image very endearing. She was looking like a lost, small girl. Yet, his smile vanished at once when he realized how close her face was to his and how intensely her eyes kept fixed on his. Without being aware of his own acts, he leaned closer and unexpectedly pressed his lips against hers. His mouth softly moved over hers as he tried to taste every inch of her sweet lips. He knew that he shouldn't be doing this, but now that he had begun, he couldn't stop. This would probably be the only time he would have the chance to feel her like this and he wanted to make it last as long as possible. Kid was feeling as if he were in heaven and to his utter delight and surprise Lou responded to his kisses. He felt daring and wanting to taste as much of her as he could, his hand came to clasp around her nape as he tried to bring her closer.

The movement snapped Lou out of her drowsy absorption as realization hit her. She pulled away gruffly, giving him a strong push. Her eyes were wide as saucers and her hand flew to her mouth in shock. "Oh my God, what have I done?" she cried as the tears flooded to her eyes.

Before Kid could react, Lou scrambled to her feet so quickly that she tipped her chair over and then she flew away. It took Kid a few seconds to run after her and as she dashed out the room in such a fiery hurry, he bumped against a nurse in the corridor, making her drop the tray and the medicines she was carrying. Kid mumbled a clumsy apology and reluctantly he fell to his knees to help the nurse to pick the scattered pots and bottles from the floor. As soon as he finished, he shot off as a bat out of hell and reached the exit in no time.

It was pouring with rain as Kid hit the street. There was no sight of Lou from where he stood and he continued running in the same frenetic way, jostling his way against the crowd of people in their raincoats and carrying umbrellas. The rain was drenching him and after a while, he stopped breathlessly, feeling that he was wasting his time. He retreated his steps to the hospital and once there he tried his luck in the parking area. Her bike was still there, intact. Maybe, Kid thought, she had taken a cab and was on her way to her place. For a moment he played with the idea of driving there but soon he discarded the thought. How could he go to the convent to have a talk about their kiss... or simply apologize for it? This wasn't the kind of conversation he could have with her there; he'd put her in an uncomfortable position and that was the last thing he wanted. Tomorrow. He'd talk to her tomorrow. It was better to leave things to cool down. What he had feared had finally happened. His desire for her had been such that he had let himself get carried away and had kissed her. A soft, sweet kiss that had left him wishing for more. He would never be satisfied but he needed to control his instincts and stop. He hadn't really wanted to force the situation with Lou and make her uncomfortable. Then he remembered her lips responding to his kiss and Kid couldn't help but wonder what that had been.

Louise ran wildly as if she were a mad woman, without actually being aware of where she was going. The rain falling over her and getting into her eyes, mixed with her tears, prevented her from seeing or even thinking. All she knew was that she had to run, bolt, escape but deep down she felt that however fast she moved her legs she couldn't flee or save herself. Her worst enemy was inside her and there was no way she could get away from it. The image of Kid kissing her kept torturing her so much that she wanted to scream. The pain coursed over her whole body and soul, and she just didn't know the remedy to her tattered spirit. How had she allowed herself to fall? What kind of woman was she? She was totally ashamed and mortified. How could she carry on as if nothing had happened? How could she come before Marmee and her sisters and keep a cool countenance? She wanted to die and disappear. She felt like a fallen woman who had sullied her honor, her virtue. How could she get over all this and go back to her old self? How?


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

The following day Kid got to the clinic before his regular time. He didn't want to miss Lou today, and with a bit of luck she'd come before everybody else. Kid knew that she was usually early, and he hoped he could catch her alone. He didn't have any qualms about kissing her, but he was aware that he hadn't acted right. However much he longed for her, he shouldn't have let himself give in to her sweet temptation. She was off limits, an untouchable woman in the same way a married woman was. He needed to stick that in his thick head and show her the respect that she deserved. As soon as he saw her this morning, he'd tell her how sorry he was. Of course, deep down he wasn't sorry about what had happened between the two of them. That kiss had meant the world to him and had kept replaying in his mind all night long over and over again. He could still feel her taste on his lips, so sweet, so soft, which had left a deep-felt longing in his soul. He told himself stubbornly that he had to forget about his desires however hard it was and he'd assure Lou that there would never be a repeat of yesterday.

Kid sat down on the sofa, a cup of coffee nestling in his hands, while he waited for Lou. Sooner than he expected his colleagues started arriving and much to his dismay there wasn't any sign of her. When everybody but Lou had turned up, Kid wondered whether she would have gone straight to the office she shared with Jimmy to avoid seeing him. He couldn't blame her, but whether she wanted or not, he was going to talk to her and explain that he hadn't meant to offend her.

As Kid was thinking about going to look for her at the office, the door opened again and Teaspoon came in. He greeted everybody in his special way and joined his subordinates in their first morning coffee as he informed them of a series of decisions that the board of directors had reached concerning the ins and outs of the hospital. When he finished, he turned to Jimmy and said, "Lou's not coming today. Jane just informed me now."

"Did she have a relapse?" Rachel asked with concern.

"I imagine so. Don't really know though. She didn't call herself. Jane said that she talked to one of her sisters, and she said Lou wasn't feeling well."

"Poor girl," Emma let out in a doleful whisper.

Nothing much was said and everybody followed suit when Teaspoon left the room. Jimmy and Kid were the only ones who remained there. The latter kept deep in thought, and after a few seconds he rose to his feet and went to the phone. He dialed the number and soon the call went through. "Good morning. This is Dr. Kydd. I'd like to talk to Lou... I mean to Sister Louise, please."

"Sir, I'm afraid that Sister Louise can't come to the phone at this moment," the feminine voice at the other end of the line informed him.

"It's very important, Ma'am. I'm calling from the hospital and..."

"I told you, sir," she cut him off in a gentle way. "Sister Louise isn't available right now. I'm really sorry. Why don't you try calling a bit later?"

"Thank you anyway," Kid replied with a grave voice before he hung up.

Jimmy had been watching his friend carefully from his position, and when Kid turned away from the phone with a bleak expression and sat back down across from him, Hickok asked, "You know what's going on with Lou, don't you?"

Kid stared at him for a few seconds and then he spoke up, "Something happened yesterday."

"Something like what?"

Kid shifted on his chair uncomfortably and lowering his eyes to the wooden surface of the table he muttered, "I kind of kissed her."

An amused smirk appeared on Jimmy's lips straightaway. "So is your face still sore from the 'grateful' gesture her hand showed you?"

"No... that wasn't exactly what happened," Kid replied awkwardly. The memory of her responding lips joined to his popped in his mind and he almost blushed. Last night he had been asking himself what that had meant, hoping that their joined kiss was a sign that she might feel something for him, just a little something. Deep down, though, he logically knew that she had simply been disoriented after waking up, so she had probably been unaware of what she was doing.

Jimmy was staring at him with curiosity, and Kid quickly shook his head to shush those thoughts that disturbed him. "I should have been able to control myself. She's not feeling well, and I'm afraid that all this business might add to her emotional problems."

"What do you think her problem is? This reaction of hers is kind of strange in a lively person like she is," Jimmy asked, genuinely interested in what Kid had to tell him. He had certain suspicions of the cause of Lou's problems, and he hoped that his friend could confirm them.

"I really don't know. She's never talked to me about it," Kid replied truthfully and Jimmy made a disappointed gesture, which his friend noticed straightaway. "Do you know anything, Jimmy?"

Hickok shook his head. "No more than you. But I have a hunch." He stopped briefly and then asked, "Have you given any thought to the possibility that all this is because she might be having doubts?"

"Doubts?" Kid repeated in confusion, not sure where his friend was going.

"Doubts about her vocation," Jimmy elaborated. "That would surely put her close to the edge."

"Jimmy, she's been a sister for many years. I know she's totally devoted to her way of life and beliefs. What made you think something like that?"

"Maybe something happened to her..." Hickok continued, trying for the hint to dawn on his friend.

"What thing?"

Jimmy remained quiet for a few seconds, staring at his friend intently, and then he said, "Meeting you."

"What?" Kid exclaimed, not missing what Jimmy meant and reluctant to acknowledge it.

"A few clues here and there made me wonder. I'm almost certain that she was avoiding you the day she had that panic attack. So I just put two and two together..."

Kid stared at him, a mixture of disbelief and hope getting confused in his mind. Jimmy's words were making him see her reaction to his kiss from a totally different perspective. What if Jimmy was right and she felt something for him? Could he really believe that Lou was suffering because of him and what that meant for her life? Actually, she had never said she didn't feel anything for him... she had always used her vocation as the only reason to refuse his love. What if she really had feelings for him? His heart swelled with hope as he stared a Jimmy with a flabbergasted expression. Hickok smirked at his friend and his stunned countenance, and figuring that he'd need some time to think and digest all this on his own, he walked to the door and left without a single word.

The sound of the door banging closed snapped Kid out of his torpor. Shivering like a leaf, he rose to his feet and started pacing up and down as thousands of thoughts crowded his mind after Jimmy's revelation. Could he really believe it? He didn't want to raise his hopes to just have them shattered in the end. The temptation to dream was too enticing and without even being aware of it, he found himself refusing what his reason told him. He wanted to believe it was true that there was something in what Jimmy had said. Lou's current problems must have been triggered by something. She was a strong woman, so it must be something really important that was affecting her so much. Was it possible that she actually returned his feelings? The idea was so incredible and wonderful that Kid felt his heart pound in his chest in eager anticipation.

If that was the case, the next question was: what would she do? Would she try to suffocate, drown what she felt and continue her life like usual? Or would she want to pursue those feelings with him and give them a chance? Kid wondered whether she could quit and get off the train she had been traveling for so many years. He didn't know much about nuns and all that stuff. How could he when he wasn't even a Catholic? Lou had called her vows perpetual. Did that mean that there was no way back, that she was condemned to that life forever? Kid hoped that somehow she could break off with all that. He'd be by her side, helping and supporting her without fail. He didn't care whether the whole world turned against them. If she loved him, then he'd make sure that she knew she could count on him, and she wouldn't regret loving him. He had to talk to her and ask her. Yeah, they needed to have a heart-to-heart conversation, face to face, and it would be today. He couldn't wait. So when he finished in the clinic today, he'd drive to her place and they'd talk. For better or for worse he'd learn the truth today... once and for all.

* * *

Loud voices were heard from inside the chapel and curious, she stopped short to have a peek inside. Father Maldonado was walking towards the door, shaking his head and ignoring the feminine, angered voice behind him. As he came through the door, he briefly stopped next to the nun outside the chapel and said, "Patience, Mother. She's in one of her weird moods." The man smiled wryly and without one more word he continued his way towards the front door.

Marmee had another look inside the chapel and this time she saw Louise angrily marching towards where she stood. Her veil fluttered behind her at the quick pace she was walking and her hands were shaped into fists, swinging back and forth. Marmee knew that the young sister had been in confession with Father Maldonado but she couldn't imagine what had possibly happened to have Lou so livid with rage.

As Lou reached the older nun, she stopped dead when Marmee asked, "Something wrong, Louise?"

"Father Maldonado called him a demon!" Lou exclaimed angrily. "And he's not!"

Marmee looked at her surprised. She was now aware that the "him" that Lou was referring to was that young doctor from her clinic, the same doctor that she had spent Christmas Eve with. Yesterday, Louise had returned home in a pitiful sight, soaked to the bone from the heavy rain and sobbing and wailing. Marmee had managed to make her talk and crying and howling Louise had told her everything, about her special friendship with the man... how he claimed that he was in love with her, how weird she felt lately and she especially wept bitterly when she had recounted the kiss he had given her that same evening. Marmee didn't know what to think of it; she was totally shocked to hear something like that from Louise and see her in that miserable state. She had only seen Lou in a similar condition only once before... almost out of her mind and the older nun couldn't help but fear for her.

"Are you sure of what you're saying?" Marmee asked as carefully as possible. "I find that image you're drawing of Father Maldonado difficult to visualize."

At her words Louise calmed down a bit and stopped to think for a while. "Uh... maybe I overreacted," Lou admitted in a low voice, bringing to mind the parable that the priest had told her to illustrate his advising words. These stories were a common technique for Father Maldonado in his lectures, and Lou silently acknowledged that she might have treated the kind priest unfairly. She was a nervous wreck and she couldn't help but take it personally if anybody hinted something bad about Kid.

"Louise, you're just tired and tense," Marmee said. "You didn't sleep a wink last night."

The young woman nodded. She hadn't been able to rest after what had happened yesterday... after what she had done and she had spent the whole night praying in the chapel. The lack of sleep was probably taking its toll today, but there was something she had no doubts about whatsoever. "I'm not going to let anybody pass judgment on him, especially without knowing him."

"It's understandable."

"He's a good and honest man. Is it such a sin for him to have fallen in love with me?" Lou asked, her bright eyes seeking hers almost in despair.

"Louise, only a postulant would ask a question like that, and you stopped being one many years ago."

"Mother, I..."

"Louise, what is it you feel for that young man?" Marmee asked, getting down to the crux of the matter.

Lou lowered her eyes to her hands which she kept twisting over and over again. She wanted to tell Marmee that Kid didn't mean anything to her, and all that joined them together was a good, wholesome friendship. Yet, she just couldn't lie to herself or others anymore, so she simply muttered, "I don't know."

"Then you have to find out, don't you think?" Lou nodded and the older nun continued, "You see, Louise, God's ways are not always our ways. Sometimes He makes us reverse the steps we have walked for a reason we might not see at the moment. We never know."

"But I love God," Lou protested vehemently.

"I know you do," Marmee replied with a smile, "but maybe He has different plans for you, or... maybe He's just testing you. As I told you, there's a reason for everything even though we can't see it through the blindfold we might voluntarily cover our eyes with."

"What can I do, Marmee?"

"That's something you need to figure out for yourself. My advice is that you go on retreat and pray for God to light the road you have to follow."

Louise nodded through the tears that showed in her eyes once again. That afternoon she packed a few clothes and readied herself to leave the convent that same day. The sisterhood had a retreat house in the country, so after talking to Marmee she had decided that she should retire there where she wouldn't have any interference or other pressures. Only a couple of sisters lived in that house permanently, and it was quite an isolated and off-the-beaten-track place. Its peaceful atmosphere in the middle of nature would help her to quiet the thousands of sounds and noises that invaded her soul and would leave it in silence only to hear God's clear voice.

Louise placed the small suitcase in the trunk of the cab she had called and once inside the vehicle she said, "To the bus station, please."

"Right away, Sister," the driver replied and soon they were rolling out of the narrow street where the convent was. She never noticed the figure of a man coming from the other direction, who walked towards the same building she had just left behind. This was the beginning of her personal journey to the mysteries and strengths of her heart, and the woman who returned wouldn't be the same one who now set off. Either she'd come back as a strong, self-assured woman or a broken one, and right now she wasn't even sure what decision would make her feel better.

Kid had parked his car in the street that ran perpendicular to the convent. As he came closer to the building, a taxi was driving off, but he never thought much of it. His heart started pounding in his chest wildly as his feet brought him nearer and nearer to the place. For a few moments he stood in front of the sturdy, wooden door, deep in thought. Even though he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Lou all day long, he hadn't really planned what he'd tell her when he saw her. Now he was even questioning if it was such a good idea to come bothering her at her place.

His first impulse was to turn around and leave. After all, he only had Jimmy's hunch and his own hopes to base his suspicions on. With all probably Lou didn't harbor any loving feelings for him, and he was just simply letting his hopes to rule him and in turn making a fool of himself. Besides, this was just insane. He intended to talk to a nun about love in her convent. How much crazier could something get? Yeah, the most logical thing to do would be to turn on his heel and leave. He'd talk to her under more propitious circumstances when she went back to the clinic. His mind urged him to act sensibly but his feet wouldn't move and he stood on the spot, staring at the door knocker. He actually wanted to know the truth and stop his doubts and torture with silly fantasies. So despite all the reasons why he shouldn't be there in the first place, he found himself grabbing the metal knocker and pounding at the door with it.

After a few minutes, the door opened and a middle-aged nun appeared. She had a sweet, plump face with rosy cheeks, kind eyes and a wide smile. "Anything I can do for you, son?" she asked in a soft voice.

Kid bobbed his head up and down in greeting and then added, "I'm Dr. Kydd, Ma'am. Could I possibly see Sister Louise? There's some information I need to pass on to her." The doctor cringed inside at the lie he was telling the nun but there was no way he could be true about the reasons why he wanted to see Lou.

"I'm afraid that's not possible," the nun replied. "Sister Louise isn't with us now. She's gone on a retreat."

"Where?" Kid asked, his heart bitter with disappointment.

"Well... I cannot tell you that, sir. You see, she cannot receive visitors there."

"Is there a phone number where I can contact her?" Kid insisted, resorting to anything he could to get in touch with Lou. This was something he didn't want to talk about on the phone. He needed to see her face, her eyes, her reactions, but if that wasn't possible, he'd have to find other ways.

"She's gone on a religious retreat," the nun repeated. "That means no visits, no phone calls. Sister Louise cannot be disturbed except in cases of extreme urgency. I imagine that this isn't your case, is it? Or has somebody died?"

_"I'm the one dying here,"_ Kid thought ruefully but instead of that he said. "No, Sister. Fortunately, that's not it." He paused briefly and added, "When will she come back?"

"I don't really know," the nun replied. "That's her decision." The woman stopped for a moment and her smile faded as a thought hit her. "I hope she doesn't get into trouble at work because of that. I think she has some personal issues to sort out. Poor thing was in really a bad shape."

"Uh... no, I think it'll be fine," Kid answered clumsily as the nun's words made him wonder. "Thank you."

As the door closed, Kid couldn't help but think of what that nun had told him. Lou had some personal issues to sort out. Could he believe that those issues referred to him or was it something else? If she had feelings for him, had she gone away to forget him, to delete him from her heart? The idea scared him, and he almost took a tumble as he walked back to his car. Right now he was regretting not coming to find her last night when she had fled from him. They could have talked and cleared out things then, but now he was too late and couldn't have his say. He'd have liked to tell her how happy they could be together if they had a chance, and he'd help her to escape her past life whatever it took. Yet, that was not possible anymore. Lou was gone and he didn't even know where she was. In the middle of the chaos his mind was immersed in, a bright idea shone. She'd have to come back sooner or later and then... he'd be waiting for her. He'd go to the convent every day to inquire after her and as soon as he'd learn she'd be back, he would go to her and they would have that conversation. Yeah, they would... without fail.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

Her eyes were fixed on the landscape that quickly dashed past outside the window. The green colors of nature showed her that spring was close by, a very different scenery from the view she got when she had traveled to the country twenty days ago. That day there had been a snowstorm and everything had been covered in a whitish layer that had started to turn into ugly, brownish slush. Now the landscape that greeted her was jollier and brighter. Was nature a reflection of her own inner mood?

Lou doubted it very much. She was feeling totally sluggish inside and spring wasn't nearer to her soul than when she had left the convent. In those twenty days she had time to reflect, analyze her whole life and had drawn some conclusions before finally making her decision. Making up her mind and reaching some peace hadn't been easy, and even now that her heart told her that there was no way back, she didn't feel completely happy. From the first moment she had known that whatever she decided, it would be painful and difficult. If she chose her new feelings for Kid, she'd have to forget about her whole life until now. She'd have to start anew away from the convent and her sisters, break her vows and adopt a way of life that would be totally alien to her. On the other hand, if she decided to stick to her vocation, she'd have to say goodbye to Kid and her friends in the clinic. She knew she couldn't continue working there despite what leaving would mean. Maybe she'd have to give up on her mission to Somalia as well if she didn't get to finish her medical training, but that was the lesser of two evils. After what had happened, she would focus on her religious profession and pay more attention to her the state of her soul.

Lou studied her reflection on the window pane. Her blue veil framed her face, making her look pale and haggard after those terrible days of intense prayer and revelations. The image brought back memories of a time years ago when she was innocent and very young. She still remembered when she had first worn her first veil, the white one of novices. She had been so excited and joyful at the life she was starting then. It was incredible that after years of experience and a satisfied existence she could be assaulted by doubts because of a man. The notion was totally ridiculous. How could she leave everything for a man? How had she let a single man make her question her whole life? But even though she had tried to deny it, it had happened and like Mother had said, God had a reason for everything and she needed to believe that all this suffering would bring her something good.

The coach reached the end of its journey and the passengers rose, ready to alight. Louise took her suitcase from the shelf above the coach seats and placed herself in the line of people crawling towards the exit. From the window she caught a glimpse of two veiled heads among the bustling people coming and going at the station. She recognized them straightaway: Kathy and Marmee. When the younger nun saw her, she waved her hand enthusiastically while Marmee remained in a discreet pose next to her.

Once out of the coach, Sister Katherine almost ran to give her a quick hug and took the case from her hand. Like the clever girl she was, Kathy left Lou and Marmee alone under a silly pretext. She knew that Mother would want to talk to Louise on her own. The fact that she was there was merely circumstantial. The Mother Superior wanted to pick Louise up from the station but after a serious accident she had been involved many years ago, she never drove and always asked one of the other sisters to give her a lift whenever she had to go somewhere.

When Kathy was gone, Marmee hugged Lou tightly. "Louise, I missed you so much," the woman exclaimed sincerely.

Lou felt tears prick her eyes as she held the woman who had been her whole world since the moment her mother had died. Marmee had cared for her and her siblings as if they were her flesh and blood, and Lou loved her with all her heart. Years ago some people had hinted that Marmee had pressed and influenced her to get into the religious life. That was the farthest from the truth. When Lou had come to the nun, Marmee had done everything, if not to dissuade her, at least to make her aware of what she'd have to give up if she stuck to her decision. Twelve years of happy profession proved that those people had been wrong; she had simply followed God's calling and not once had she regretted her choices… not even now.

As the two nuns let go of each other, Marmee looked Lou up and down. "The country hasn't sat well with you," she said. "You look thinner. Your body almost gets lost in those loose clothes."

"I wasn't there on vacation," Lou muttered, lowering her eyes.

"Has it been that hard?"

Lou shook her head. "Harder."

"We'll talk about that later after you rest, all right?" Marmee replied with a smile and passing an arm around the girl's back, she steered her towards the street where Kathy had parked the car.

Once in the convent Lou went straight to her room. She was feeling tired and languid, and before she could have her rest, she had a quick shower. Back in her small room she laid her body on top of the white bedding and little by little her eyes closed and she drifted to sleep.

She didn't know how long she had been sleeping when an insistent knock at the door made her wake up with a startle. For a moment she was disoriented and lost, realizing that the environment she had woken to was different from the one she had been for the last twenty days. It took her a few seconds to understand that it was her room at the convent. The knocking continued and with a husky, sleepy voice she said, "Coming!"

She tightened the robe over her body, clad in her pajamas, and sliding her feet into her slippers she walked to the door and opened it. Marmee stood there, smiling and on noticing her tousled hair and swollen eyes, she asked, "Did I wake you, Louise?"

"It's all right," she said and getting hold of Marmee's wrist, she brought the woman's watch to her eye level. "I shouldn't have slept this long! It's very late," she exclaimed as she realized that two hours had elapsed since she had come back.

"Can we talk now?"

"Uh... yeah," Louise replied, starting to feel tense and nervous again. "Please come in."

The older nun walked inside while Lou shut the door. "I thought we could have our conversation here... make it less official. Maybe this is quite unorthodox, but well... we have never cared about those things." Marmee sat down on a chair while Lou sank down on the edge of the bed opposite her after smoothing down the quilt, which was crumpled after her nap.

"What do you have to tell me, Louise?" Marmee urged her after a lengthy silence.

Lou didn't rush to talk. She breathed in deeply as she felt her lips quiver and her eyes glazed with unshed tears once again. "When I left here twenty days ago, I was so sure what the right decision was, the only option to consider. I really didn't intend to look at the other option from the distance... I just wanted to convince myself that somebody like me couldn't waver, that I had many reasons to laugh at how ridiculous it was what was happening to me. Yet, that was a mistake. That time away on my own showed me that I'm not infallible, that I'm just flesh and bones, and I need to be humbler and accept God's will... whatever it is."

"I see."

"My heart was in a jumble, and I really couldn't see the light." She paused and after a while she added, "But I've finally reached a decision... a painful decision."

"All right."

Louise breathed in deeply, filling her lungs with air. "Leaving my life here in the community would be the hardest thing I've ever done," Lou stared and lowering her eyes, she continued with a tiny voice while her hands kept toying with the toweling belt of her robe. "But...staying would be harder… thinking I will never see him again breaks me apart."

"Oh..." Marmee let out with clear disappointment. Louise lifted her eyes to her, and she felt a tug at her heart as she saw the nun's expression. "So your heart is clear about it then?"

"I... I love him," Lou stated for the very first time, a sense of relief, bitterness and shame washing over her at the same time, "like a woman loves a man. And I know it's not a whim or a fleeting passion... I wish it were, really, but it's very real, too real to ignore. I imagine God's sown those feelings in my heart for some reason... I want to believe that." Lou paused to let out her held breath and then she added, "I imagine this isn't what you expected, Mother."

"Louise, it doesn't matter what I want," Marmee replied, trying to hide the sadness she was feeling with a neutral smile. "This is about you, and what you want and only you can know that." The woman paused, watching Lou's sad face and then asked, "So are you ready to try your hand with this young man?"

Louise blushed to the roots of her hair as she heard the question. This was more awkward than she had first thought. "I... I don't know. I guess," she replied in a stammering voice. She hadn't actually given a thought to what she wanted from Kid. It had been hard enough to admit her own feelings and make a decision as it was, and she hadn't even had the serenity to think about what would happen with her from now on.

Marmee nodded ruefully and coming closer to Lou, dragging her chair along, she said, "Louise, let me play the devil's advocate for once." She stopped briefly and then continued, "What if this young man has had a change of heart? What if he has come to realize that he isn't as keen on you as he thought? In all this time he might even have got involved with somebody else. After all, from what you told me he doesn't suspect you... uh... have feelings for him."

Her words bore a great load of truth, but they hurt Lou anyway. Marmee wasn't saying anything that she hadn't told herself, but that didn't mean she was immune to pain. "I've thought about that too, but I want to believe all this has a reason, a meaning. It's a risk I have to take. You might be right, and I could end up miserable and alone. But the fear can't make me conform and continue as if nothing had happened. It would be a lie to everything I hold holy. I've broken the vows I pledged to keep, if not in deed, very much in thought. I don't want to be a hypocrite, and I just can't be a nun only in appearance."

Marmee smiled pleasantly. "You are an amazing woman, Louise. Since you were a young child, you always baffled me with your insight. I wish everybody were as true and genuine as you are."

Louise blushed hotly, completely mortified. She didn't feel special or genuine. In her heart it was as if she was betraying everything she believed even though she knew it wasn't her fault directly. She'd never have expected something like this to happen to her. This was the saddest day of her life and tears built up behind her eyes, trying to escape but she choked them stubbornly. "I don't know," Lou muttered.

Marmee kept deep in thought, hurting at seeing her young "daughter" look so low. "You know something, Louise?" The younger nun lifted her eyes wonderingly, and the Mother Superior continued, "Your young doctor has been coming to the convent every day... asking after you."

Lou's heart jumped and her face glowed instantly. "Really?" she asked, for the first time a little smile playing on her lips.

Marmee nodded, cringing internally as she noticed the change in Lou's demeanor at just the mention of the man's name. However much it hurt her to admit it, it was crystal clear that Louise had fallen in the clutches of human love. Lou was the closest to a daughter she had had, and the older nun had been more than pleased when Louise had decided to follow her steps and become a nun, which she had done successfully for a good bunch of years. This twist on her smooth road was a painful disappointment for her, but above anything else, she loved Louise dearly and all she wanted was her happiness and well-being even though she couldn't understand her new choices.

"I imagine a new era is about to start for you."

Lou's face scrunched up in pain as the fears dashed unleashed to her soul. "I never wanted this, Mother. I didn't look for it, and I really fought against it. I'm so scared."

"I know you are," Marmee replied, taking hold of her hand, "but, Louise, you are also a strong woman, ready to face anything you find on your way. Just keep your trust in God and put your heart wherever He leads you." Lou nodded, feeling unable to utter a single sound. "I guess there's nothing much left to say. I'll start filling out all the necessary documents to ask for your dispensation from the Holy See. I imagine that's what you want, isn't it?"

That part of her speech made Lou panic. Everything was happening too quickly and she seemed to be in a whirlwind she was unable to control. It was as if she was about to jump from a plane without the certainty that the parachute would open. She didn't know what her life would be like from now on. She had nothing, and had no idea what would await her outside these four walls. Lou finally nodded despite everything. She had already made up her mind, and this was the logical step to take. It was a pain she had to go through, something she couldn't prevent.

"I... I'll pack my things and be on my way," Lou stammered, feeling as if a sharp knife was cutting through her flesh.

Marmee looked at her surprised. "Louise, there's no hurry. You can stay here until you feel ready."

"Mother, this is already too painful and the sooner I do it, the better," Lou replied. If she stayed there for another day, she would go mad. She needed to start thinking that she had a new life, without her sisters, and she had to learn to accept whatever might come.

Marmee nodded, completely understanding what the young woman meant. "I'll see you later then."

As soon as the door closed behind the Mother Superior, Lou burst out crying and the tears she had been holding back trickled down her cheeks. Sobbing and trembling, she slid out of her robe and pajamas and put a pair of jeans and a jumper. Her suitcase stood next to the bed, still packed with the few clothes she had taken while on her retreat. Crouching with shivery legs, she unzipped it and took out her extra habit. She slowly rose to her feet and brought the clothes against her face, smelling the familiar fragrance of the soap used in the convent for washing.

Two thick tears rolled from her eyes down her face. The sobs soon racked her body as she placed her habit in the wardrobe next to the one she had been wearing today before having her shower. Her mind was totally crowded, and her head was painfully throbbing. After closing the doors of the closet, she carelessly shoved her few clothes and her pile of undergarments into her suitcase. She didn't care whether they got creased or about anything else. Right now something more terribly urgent occupied her whole mind and she felt as if her world was crumbling down under her own feet.

Later, still upset but a bit more calmed, Lou had lunch with her sisters. Strangely she felt like an alien among them and as best as she could, she announced that she was leaving the order and roughly explained her reasons, without getting into much detail. Some of them looked at her with slight disapproval, others with pity, but in general nobody cast the accusing, hard glares that Lou felt she deserved. Most of the women around the table showed her sympathy and one by one they all uttered their good wishes to Lou.

After lunch, they came to hug her, some more tears were shed and when all of them had gone, Louise followed Marmee to her office. She had left her luggage outside the dining room and as Marmee caught sight of it, she threw a hurt glance at Louise. Tears brimmed Lou's eyes once again at the clear message the Mother had silently expressed, and without a single word they continued towards the office. Once there Lou signed a bunch of papers that Marmee showed her. As she stamped her mark on the last sheet of paper, Louise knew that she had ratified her destiny, the end of her life as she had known it. There was no way back. The long process started now and one day months from today she'd receive notice in writing that she was released from her ties to her sisterhood. In theory she would still be a nun until the Holy See passed their verdict. Yet, Lou felt she wasn't a consecrated sister any longer. As she had told Marmee, her heart told her that she had broken her vows and that virtually slashed the bonds to her vocation more than any paper would.

"Louise," Marmee called as she sat down on the free chair next to the young woman, "take this." The nun slid a white envelope out of her pocket and placed it on Lou's lap.

"What's this?" Louise asked and picking up the envelope, she had a peek inside, which revealed a good bunch of fifty-dollar banknotes.

"I think it will be enough for you to get by for a while," Marmee explained with a sad smile.

"No!" Louise exclaimed, forcing the envelope back into the older woman's hands. "I don't want any money." She just couldn't accept any of that; her conscience wouldn't let her. Even though what was happening wasn't anybody's fault, she felt terrible and that money would burn on her skin if she accepted it.

"Louise, please don't get in one of your stubborn moods!" Marmee retorted, still trying to get the young woman to accept the envelope, but Lou folded her arms over her chest, conveying that she had said the last word and the matter wasn't up for discussion.

"I'll manage... honestly."

"Where are you going to go without money?" the nun insisted.

"I'll go to Theresa's ... at least for a time. You have nothing to worry about. I'll be fine," Louise assured her, more firmly than she actually felt. She was still unsure what she'd do from now on when she left the convent and her life there. She didn't even know if she still had a job at the clinic. For one reason or another she had been off work for over a month and a half... practically since Christmas. While she had been on her retreat, she hadn't informed Teaspoon of her situation, so Lou very much feared that she was as good as jobless.

A silence fell over the two women and after a few uncomfortable minutes Lou started, "Well... I guess I better go."

Marmee nodded sadly and impulsive as she was, Lou threw her arms around the Mother. She fought the tears that pushed behind her lids and after a few minutes the two women let go of each other. Marmee had the most bitter expression that Lou had ever seen in her and squeezing Louise's hands tightly she said, "You take good care of yourself, you hear me? And please come back to us if you ever need anything. Despite everything, we are family."

Lou nodded, too moved to talk. Reluctantly she rose to her feet and as the Mother Superior remained seated, she asked, "Won't you walk me to the door?"

"Please don't ask me that," Marmee replied with a cracked voice, turning her head to the other side trying to hide the tears that sprung to her eyes.

Even though Marmee couldn't see her, Lou nodded and started towards the door with a heavy heart. This was it. The end. She really wanted to believe what she had told Marmee, that she was going to be fine, but the truth was that she was completely terrified. As she got to the door, she turned around and said, "Could you say goodbye to Melly for me? I just can't."

"Louise, she isn't with us anymore. Aloysius and his wife were accepted for foster care, and they and the social worker came to take Melinda a couple of days ago."

Lou smiled sadly. "I'm glad for the three of them." She stared at the nun for a few seconds. Anything she said would only be a string of empty sounds. What she was feeling right now was so huge that her words would never be enough to express the turmoil she was going through, so she averted her eyes, turned round and walked away.

As she shuffled towards the front door, pulling her suitcase along, she gradually felt worse and worse, miserable and lonely. In the hall Sister Bernadette, the plump, kind nun in charge of the door, was in the hall waiting for her. Neither said a word and when Sister Bernadette opened the wooden door, the light from the setting sun rushed in, blinding Lou with its intense brightness. For a moment she stood there, unmoving as fear crept into her soul, as she felt she was about to fall into the abyss like in her dream. Her eyes met the sister's kind ones, and she gave Lou an encouraging smile. The younger woman tried to return the gesture but all she managed was to stretch her mouth into a bitter gesture, almost hurting the corner of her lips. She finally mumbled a goodbye and her feet moved forward.

As soon as the door closed behind her back, fresh tears flooded through her eyes. Her body could hardly bear the weight of her soul as she reached the end of the street. For a moment she thought she was going to fall flat on her nose and she really didn't care if she lay there, in the middle of the street, for the rest of her life. Yet, she continued with unsteady steps. She turned left for no reason, just because she needed to walk on and on. Her mind was in such turmoil that she never saw a very familiar car pull over a few yards behind her. And as she continued her way, she didn't notice its driver either, who got out of his vehicle and decidedly marched towards the same street she had just left.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

Kid walked into the narrow street without much enthusiasm. He had been coming here for the last three weeks, getting the exact same answer every time. Lou was still away and Sister Bernadette, the nun who was always there to receive him, told him every day that there was no news from her. Kid couldn't understand why she had to be gone for so long, and sometimes he feared that she'd never come back and in reality she had been transferred to another convent as it had been the plan weeks ago. Of course Kid didn't mean that Sister Bernadette was lying but maybe the kind nun was unaware of certain decisions that might have been made by her superiors.

In any case, Kid hoped that wasn't the case and Lou would eventually return. He couldn't believe that she could leave without saying goodbye to anybody, and he knew that since the day she had fled from him, she hadn't contacted anyone, not even Teaspoon. The older doctor had simply received a phone call from the Mother Superior telling him that due to serious personal problems Louise would be unable to attend to her responsibilities at the clinic but nothing more specific. And that was what everything everybody, including him, knew.

As Kid reached the big door, he immediately knocked. While he waited, he wondered if he should stop coming here altogether. He felt he was making a fool of himself, and he feared that the day Lou came back, she'd demand to be left alone and ask him in an unkind tone to stop bothering her. He already knew all that and his hopes, sparked by Jimmy's hints, were gradually dying.

He heard the sound of steps coming closer. The door opened and like usual Sister Bernadette appeared before him. The nun looked at him with a surprised expression and exclaimed, "Lord Gracious, what are you doing here, boy?" Kid stared at her in confusion and the nun continued, "She just left. Didn't you see her? She can't have gone very far."

As soon as the words registered in his mind, Kid shot off, towards the end of the street, but remembering the nun he had left so rudely, he stopped momentarily, looked back and exclaimed, "Thank you, Sister Bernie! You're the best!" He blew her a kiss and the nun grinned at his gesture before going back inside. Kid reached the top of the street and stopped, looking left and right. He wondered what way Lou had taken and finally he opted for turning left. He ran forward, avoiding the people in his way and to his utter delight he finally saw her, dragging a small suitcase along. "Lou!" he called loudly, still running towards her, trying to catch up with her. "Lou!"

Louise finally stopped and turned around to the voice calling her name. Her features instantly showed the surprise she felt at seeing Kid dashing towards her. When he finally caught up with her, he immediately noticed her tear-streaked face. "Lou..." he breathed, his voice tinged with real concern. Louise scrunched up her face, her eyes filled, and a sob escaped her lips as the tears overflowed. At once Kid wrapped his arms around her petite body and hugged her as she wept against his chest. His heart was breaking in a million pieces with each tear she shed. Whatever the reason behind her pain, he hated to see the woman he loved in such distress. He didn't say or ask anything but kept comforting her as well as he knew, thus letting her know that he was there for her. The passers-by looked at them but he didn't care. All he cared about was between his arms and the whole world could well go to hell.

A few minutes later Lou and Kid were sitting in a café near the spot where they had found each other. Lou quietly cried as she sipped the soft drink Kid had bought her. Her eyes were focused on the glass nestling in her hands and not once did she lift her head to him. Little by little she started to calm down. Kid watched her in silence, not wanting to urge or rush her to talk, but dying to know why she was so distraught. After a while, she lifted her red-streamed eyes to him, and muttered in a husky voice, "I... I left the convent."

"What do you mean?" he asked, his eyebrows arched in confusion.

"I... I... I left my life there," Louise stuttered, her throat tightening with each word she uttered.

"You... you mean for good?" Kid asked again, his heart jumping in joy but at the same time hurting at seeing her sound so miserable.

"I guess...uh... yes," she corrected herself. Any regrets she might have would come too late. What was done was done, and from the moment she had crossed the threshold of the convent, her bonds with her life until then had broken.

"Is it safe to ask you what happened?" he questioned cautiously.

Louise breathed in deeply, trying to arrange her thoughts and find the way to explain herself without being too blunt. "Well... lately my spirit has kind of filled up with certain...uh... distractions... it's been sort of polluted. You know, I can't be a good nun if my heart isn't completely free. I've tried to purge myself but I've lost the war."

"So you aren't a nun anymore?"

"In theory I am... until I get a dispensation, some kind of leave from the Pope in Rome," Lou explained in a weak voice, "but in practical terms I am a laywoman."

"I don't know what to say," Kid admitted. He just couldn't tell her he was sorry, because he wasn't. He understood that all this was extremely hard for her and he really hated to see her in such pain. Her enigmatic words made him wonder what all these distractions she had mentioned were. Maybe he had nothing to do with all this, and his hopes were totally groundless, but a bright light shone intensely in his dark panorama. After a pause he asked, "What are you going to do now, Lou?

"I'll stay at my sister's for a while," Louise replied and getting a glimpse of the time on her watch, she added, "She won't be home for a couple more hours... I'll phone her then."

"Why don't you come to my place in the meantime?" Kid offered before he even thought of what he was saying. "You could wash your face, freshen up and we can have better coffee than what they serve in this joint," Kid added, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the cup he was holding. "And you can phone Theresa from there."

Lou gave him a small smile. Her first impulse was to refuse his invitation. She was still trying to figure out what she could do with her feelings for him. Admitting to herself that she was in love with Kid didn't make the situation any easier. She was totally lost and disoriented. That naturally scared her, but not as much as being alone with him, which terrified her. The reasons why she should say no to his kind offer multiplied, but despite everything, she found herself nodding her head in agreement.

* * *

Kid was sitting on the edge of his sofa in the lounge while his eyes kept darting to the door restlessly. Lou had locked herself in his bathroom and that had been twenty minutes ago. He was torn about what he should do. His concern urged him to check whether she was all right but on the other hand, he didn't want her to think he was a bothering pest. So for a few minutes he remained seated, his ears straining to hear any sounds of a door opening, but everything was silent in the apartment apart from the noise of the traffic outside. He took a sip of his coffee and grimaced as the liquid had gone stone cold.

Unable to bear the uncertainty any longer, Kid rose to his feet and slowly approached the door to the bathroom. His head tilted to one side, trying to hear something and his heart sank when he could make out whimpering sounds inside. Kid knocked lightly with his knuckles while asking, "Lou, are you all right?"

"Yeah... I'm fine," Louise's cracked voice was heard and immediately afterwards the door unlocked. As it swung open, Kid saw her before the sink, wiping her eyes with a towel. She then turned her face towards him, which looked pretty much the same as before she had got in the bathroom. Her nose was red and new tears were forming in her eyes again. "I'm sorry," Lou wailed, pressing her palms against her face "but I can't stop crying."

Kid took a few steps closer and passed his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer to him. "It's all right, Lou. I understand it must be very hard for you. Don't mind me. Just get all that off your chest."

He steered her to the sofa in the lounge and made her sit. He gave her a packet of tissues, and wanting to give her a few moments on her own, he took the tray with the cold coffee to the kitchen and started to boil water and milk. Coffee wouldn't make her feel better in her current state and he considered it would be better for her to have either some tea or warm milk. He took his time in the kitchen and when he got back to the living room with the tray, Lou seemed to be calmer. She mumbled her thanks when she accepted the cup of hot tea Kid had made for her. He sat next to her on the sofa, and they remained silent for a few minutes. Louise wanted a distraction for her upset mind. She didn't want to talk about her current situation, so she said, "You have a nice place here, Kid."

"Yeah... I guess," Kid replied unenthusiastically, looking around as if he were seeing his own apartment for the first time. "It's too big just for me anyway."

"Then why did you buy it in the first place?"

Uncomfortable, Kid fumbled for words, but finally he simply said, "Actually my ex chose it. When she left me, I meant to sell it, but then the years passed and ... I don't know... I'm still here."

Louise nodded somberly and once again silence fell over the two of them. They sipped their drinks, each lost in their own thoughts and after a few minutes Lou asked, "Kid, can I use your phone? Theresa must have left work by now."

"Of course. You can use this one," he said, pointing at the phone on the small table next to the sofa, "or the one in my bedroom."

"This one will do," she replied and picked up the receiver to dial the number. When Theresa's cheerful voice sounded at the other end of the line, Lou started with a gloomy tone, "Hi, Tessie."

"Where on earth have you been?" Theresa blurted out annoyed instead of replying to her greeting. "I've been calling you every day and you were never in."

"I was away," Lou answered. "Did nobody tell you?"

"And couldn't you call me?" Theresa retorted in the same angered tone. "I was worried sick about you." Since Lou had had that panic attack Theresa had grown really concerned about her sister,and there was not a single day she didn't call her, and then one day out of the blue she was gone without a word.

"I was on a retreat, Tessie."

"I was very worried," Theresa insisted.

Louise breathed in deeply and added, "Tess, there's something important I need to tell you." After a pause she proceeded to explain quite clumsily what had happened to her in the last weeks, and how she had decided to start a new life away from the convent. Naturally she never mentioned Kid at all since he was next to her on the sofa, pretending to read a magazine, but Lou knew that he was listening to every word she was saying. So Louise offered her sister the same explanation she had given him, which even though not totally accurate, was the truth.

"Oh," was all Theresa was able to utter after her sister had finished. She hadn't expected this at all. She would never have thought that Lou would dare to take such a shocking step. Of course Theresa could read between the lines and guess what Lou wasn't telling her. The likely underlying reason behind her baffling news was her handsome colleague, Theresa thought. When they had been dining at home on Christmas Eve, Theresa had realized that her sister was attracted to that man even though she wasn't even aware of it. Now Theresa wondered what might have happened between her sister and her friend. Naturally, Theresa knew Lou too well and she was sure that her sister would never betray her own vows, having an affair with a man while still being a nun, but something must have happened to make her make this drastic decision. Theresa was curious and risking getting an angry rebuke form her sister, she asked, "Lou, what... what's happened with Kid?" Only silence responded to her question, so after a few seconds Theresa insisted, "Lou?"

"Yes, Tessie?"

The younger woman paused, frowning in confusion and after a lapse she asked, "Where are you, Lou?"

"Uh... at Kid's," Lou replied, blushing unavoidably as she sent a sideways glance at her colleague. "He... he kindly invited me to a drink at his place while I waited for you to finish work." Theresa smiled, a smile which gradually turned into a chuckle that she didn't bother to hide from Lou. On hearing her sister's laugh, Louise found herself blushing more and more hotly and hoped that Kid wouldn't notice. "Theresa," she continued in a firm voice, trying to stop her sister's silliness and further questions, so she got straight to the point, "Can I stay at your place for a while? I can get there in an hour or so."

There was a lengthy silence after her request and then Theresa said, "Uh... oh honey, I'm afraid you can't. David's mom is visiting and staying with us at the moment, and she's not leaving any time soon."

"I can sleep on the sofa or... on the floor. I don't mind... really."

"Lou, that's too uncomfortable and it's too cold at this time of the year."

"Tessie, you can't let me down here," Lou exclaimed in a shrill tone. "I don't have money. I have nowhere to go!"

Theresa heard the desperation in her voice, something that was completely new to her. Lou had always been so confident and sure of herself and hearing her sound so low and at her wits' ends broke Theresa's heart. She was tempted to give in and accept her request, but her very romantic spirit wanted to play matchmaker. Theresa was sure that Kid wouldn't let her sister starve or sleep under a bridge. She wasn't leaving her sister in the lurch because she knew Lou'd be fine as long as she was with her friend. Theresa just wanted to give her a little push in the right direction because a long time would pass before her sister would dare to do anything with her feelings. She might have taken this gigantic step of leaving the convent, but Theresa could guess that having no prior experience with men, Lou must be feeling like a lost child. She might be a very resolute and confident person, but Theresa suspected that she was very unsure in this department. Lou was not a teenage girl anymore and needed to learn all the steps in this dance that life hadn't given the chance to learn... and learn them fast. So if Theresa could help her, she would even though she might look like the bad sister.

"Uh... Lou, I can lend you some money and..."

"I don't want your money!" Louise exclaimed with growing irritation. "I'm asking you to help me here! I have nowhere to go, and you're my only sister! Where am I supposed to sleep tonight? Please Tessie."

"Uh... check in at a hotel and charge it to my credit card," Theresa replied, finding it more and more difficult to fend off her reasons. "Call me later and I'll give you the details."

"But Theresa..."

"Lou, honey, I have to go. Annie's crying," Theresa cut her off and before Louise could say anything else, she hung up.

"But Tessie! Tessie!"

The only answer she got was a continuous tone, which told her that Theresa was already gone. However, Lou kept repeating her name several times like a mantra. A rush of blood washed over her whole body and she started shivering from head to foot as the reality of her situation sank in. She had never had any concerns about accommodation, food or money. Lou had never had a place of her own but had always had her needs covered in the community, and right now she was practically homeless and without money, feeling like one of those women she had helped over the years.

Maybe she could do as Theresa told her and go to a hotel, but the idea that she didn't know how long she would have to depend on her sister's money put her off. She didn't know if she still had a job to pay her back. Of course she could always go back to the convent and ask Marmee to let her stay while she settled down and stabilized her situation. That, though, would be too humiliating and painful. How could she return just a few hours after she had left? She would never allow herself to do that; she was too proud and even though she was in a rather delicate fix, she'd have to find another way to get out of it.

"Lou..."

The voice sounding by her side startled her. She had almost forgotten about Kid or where she was and her face creased in surprise as she found his concerned eyes looking at her. Foolishly she realized she was still holding the receiver between her hands and put it down quickly.

"Lou," he repeated and when he was sure that he had her attention, he added, "You can stay and sleep here... with me if you want."

"Wh... what?" Lou stammered in total shock.

On seeing her expression of horror, he realized how his words had sounded and he chuckled amused. "What I mean is that you can stay here... in my apartment. One of the extra rooms is furnished or if you prefer, you can stay in the master bedroom and I can move out of it. Whatever you feel more comfortable with."

Louise stared for a few seconds and then, averting her eyes from him to her hands, she muttered, "Kid, you're very kind, but I... I don't want to impose."

"Don't be silly, Lou," Kid exclaimed. "I have plenty of space here, and you need a place to stay tonight. Do you think I'm going to let you walk away without being sure you're going to be safe? I'm afraid not. I promise I won't disturb you... If you need time and space to be on your own, I'll even hide for you. Please, Lou, stay here."

Louise shrugged her shoulders in agreement. There were no arguments she could use against his logic and in fact, right now she couldn't afford to refuse. All this was very strange. She had decided to leave her past life because of this man, but her heart was too sad to feel comforted or pleased. Actually, apart from bitterness, she was feeling very scared. She wasn't sure if she was afraid of him or herself, but she knew that if she could she would run away from here as fast as her legs allowed her. Yet, she remained there... forlornly, her eyes downcast, her hands clasped together tightly and her head throbbing as she felt she was falling into a dark hole she didn't see the end of.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

Fresh tears started to pour from her wet eyes once again as she unpacked her few things and carefully placed them in the wardrobe. The room was quite light and spacious, much bigger than her own in the convent. There were two twin beds on both sides of the room, with lovely lilac quilts matching the curtains which hung over the wide window. The small table between the two beds had a beautiful lamp on its cedar wood surface. The bedroom was completed with a medium-sized wardrobe, a dresser and a beautiful desk. The furniture was arranged in a graceful way and the colors combined perfectly.

Despite her distraught state of mind, Lou wondered whether Kid had decorated the room himself, had employed somebody to do the job or if his former girlfriend had done it. It was silly but in spite of the tumult in her insides, feelings of jealousy started brewing in her heart as she imagined another woman with Kid. The fear that he might have become involved with somebody else in all this time was torturing her. She told herself that if he had somebody, he wouldn't have been coming for her to the convent or have offered for her to stay at his place. Yet, her fearful mind found a rebuttal to every one of her hopeful thoughts. Kid might have come to find her for another reason... something related to the hospital or even to explain to her that he was seeing someone like the time he had that affair with Gwen. And knowing how generous and kind he was, Kid might simply have insisted on her staying in his apartment out of pity. However far-fetched these explanations sounded, Lou firmly believed them. In her heart she felt she had sinned against her holiest beliefs, and she expected to get the punishment she knew she deserved. And what punishment could be worse than to be refused by the man she had left everything for?

A knock resounded in the room and without turning from the wardrobe she asked in a rough voice, "Yes, Kid?"

"Do you need anything else, Lou?" he asked, stepping into the room and stopping just behind her. "There are towels in the dresser, and more blankets in the closet in the hall... in case you feel cold tonight."

Louise turned towards him, but not before wiping the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. "I'm good... thank you."

Kid noticed her red eyes once again. "Are you sure you're all right?" he asked, fixing his concerned gaze on hers.

Lou nodded. "I'm not much company tonight. I'm sorry."

Kid was about to reply when the doorbell started ringing insistently. He excused himself and tramped towards the door, cursing whoever was pressing the bell over and over again so annoyingly. "I'm coming! I'm coming!" Kid called irritably.

When he finally opened the door and found himself face to face with Cody and Jimmy, he suddenly remembered that he had invited them over to watch a football game at his place tonight.

"Man, it's not nice to make your friends wait!" Cody whined and shoving a six-pack of beer into Kid's hands he proceeded to go inside, followed by Hickok. Kid reacted quickly and gave his blonde colleague a push back into the landing, making Jimmy stumble against him as well.

"What the hell are you doing, Kid?" Jimmy asked annoyed, as he almost fell backwards after bumping against Cody's back.

Kid thrust the cans back into Cody's hands and said, "Guys, I'm sorry but you gotta leave."

"What? Why on earth?" Jimmy exclaimed with a frown.

"Don't tell us you hooked up with a babe!" Cody added with a crooked smile. "You could have chosen another time, my friend. It's Superbowl Sunday!"

"Don't start, Cody. You can see the game at a sport bar but you have to go," Kid retorted and aware that neither of his friends would leave before he gave them an explanation, he said, "Lou's here, and in her condition she's not in the mood to be social."

"Her condition? What do you mean by that?" Jimmy asked with concern.

Kid sighed and told them what Lou was going through without getting into much detail. Actually, he didn't know a great deal about the matter, but just the little explanation Lou had given him. They hadn't talked too much. She was too upset and Kid hadn't wanted to press her.

The two men stood in stunned silence when Kid had finished his account. Since Cody wasn't one to keep quiet for long, he was logically the first one to speak up after learning the shocking news about Louise. "Let me get this right. Do you mean she left her life in the convent for you? Man, that's scary!"

"Cody, what the hell are you saying?" Kid exclaimed with obvious irritation. "Did you hear a word I said? Lou had problems and couldn't continue with that life. She never hinted that there was more than that. I already explained to you what she told me."

"Well, you don't need to be a genius to understand what she's not telling you. One day you kiss her and next time you see her she's left what kept her from getting together with you. That's crystal clear."

Kid glared at Jimmy, silently scolding him for telling a big mouth like Cody about the kiss he and Lou had shared weeks ago. Right now he was already regretting spilling the beans about Lou and her current situation. Maybe she'd rather be the one to announce her news and he might get in trouble with her for being such a blabbermouth.

"Kid, don't pay this fool any heed," Hickok piped up, trying to appease his friend. "Like always, his mouth can only talk trash." He paused and asked, "How is she?"

"Not very well," Kid replied somberly. "I guess it's just natural."

"I still think she's simply lovesick," Cody insisted. "You'll have to marry her now?"

"Shut up, Cody!" the two other doctors scolded in chorus. Deep down Kid actually did want to believe what his colleague had said about Lou leaving the convent for him but he was afraid of having his hopes shattered once again. He let out a sigh and said, "Guys, please, be discreet about this. This isn't easy for her."

"Don't worry, Kid. I'll keep this one in line," Jimmy said with a smile and turned to his blonde friend. "Come on, Cody. Let's go."

"Yeah, let's leave this couple of lovebirds alone," Cody quipped, smirking amusedly.

Kid simply shook his head at his friend's comment and when his colleagues slipped into the elevator, he got back into his apartment. As soon as he stepped in, he saw her standing a few feet away from the door and staring at him with big eyes. "Kid, you're having visitors?"

"Naw... it's nobody," he replied, disregarding the whole thing.

"You know, you don't have to change your plans for my sake," Lou continued with a tiny, sad voice. She had gone out of the room in time to see Kid pushing somebody out of her line of sight and shutting the door. Her fears had crept into her soul and she had stood frozen before the shut door, imagining what Kid and the woman Lou believed was with him were doing on the other side. The minutes before he had reappeared had felt like hours, torturing her as all kinds of images invaded her mind. "Kid," she continued after a pause, "if you have a... a date, I don't want to be in your way. Theresa told me that she'd lend me the money to stay at a hotel, so maybe it's better if I pack up again and ..."

"Lou no!" Kid exclaimed, taking three long strides towards her. "I don't have a date or anything, honestly. It was just Jimmy and Cody. I imagined that you wouldn't want to see anybody." He stopped briefly and taking one step closer, he dared to clutch her hands in his and said, "Please Lou, don't go. I do want you to stay for as long as you need to."

His nearness and touch were totally unnerving and she felt her cheeks blush as she met his intense, blue eyes. She let go of his hands uncomfortably and muttered, "I... I really appreciate what you're doing for me, Kid. I promise I won't be disturbing you more than necessary. I don't know how yet, but I plan to find my own place."

"Well, we'll discuss that later," he said with a wide smile, which contrasted with her sullen countenance. "And now... let me rustle up something to eat tonight, all right?"

Louise nodded and while she remained in the living room, he dashed to the kitchen to fix a decent dinner for the two of them. In fact, he wasn't much of a cook, but he'd do his best for Lou. His cooking skills wouldn't impress her, but he didn't want to appear in a bad light before her. As he started to season the meat and vegetables to prepare a casserole from a recipe he had found in one of his cook books, he hummed a jolly tune. Despite everything, he was in a good mood. Lou was here with him and just for that he was happy. Regardless of what might happen between the two of them, he now had a hope, a little hope. Lou wasn't unattainable anymore, and maybe now that she was free, he could try to kind of woo her... or at least he would try his luck. What he really needed was to work hard on his self-control. It wouldn't do him any good if he pushed her. All he would manage was to scare her away like the time he had kissed her and that was the last thing he wanted. Today more than once he had felt a terrible urge to kiss her sweet lips, especially whenever she looked at him with those sad eyes of hers. Haste wouldn't work, and if he took things calmly, he might be lucky and get the reward of her love.

Later Kid and Louise sat at the dining table. His previous jolly mood had vanished as soon as he saw her still looking very gloomy. She hardly ate a bite and his attempts to spark some conversation were met with curt answers or silence. So eventually Kid opted for not saying one more word. He intended to fulfill his promise of not bothering her, so he simply focused on his food, which was becoming more and more unappetizing by the minute. When they finished, or rather were tired of pretending to eat, Lou helped him to take the plates and everything else back to the kitchen. Not a single word was uttered and once the dishes and cutlery were washed and the table cleaned, Kid followed Lou out of the kitchen. Foreseeing that she intended to go to her bedroom, he called her, "Lou..." She turned to him and he said, "Would you like to watch a DVD or TV or something?"

"I... I don't think so."

"It's Superbowl Sunday today. If you prefer, we can watch the half-time show, which I believe is about to start," Kid insisted, smiling in her direction.

"Kid, it's been a long day for me, and my head is hurting something terrible. I'd rather turn in for tonight."

"Oh sure... as you like."

Louise gave him a small smile and slowly made her way down the corridor. As soon as she stepped inside and closed the door, Kid felt a terrible sense of loneliness dominate him. He tried to find a distraction to forget that the woman he loved was sleeping a few feet away under the same roof as him. Turning on the television, he flicked through the channels, but there was nothing that drew his attention. He turned it off and opened a book. After a few minutes he realized that he was simply turning the pages without actually registering the words that passed before his eyes. So finally he decided to go to bed as well.

Kid didn't know how long he had been tossing and turning before he finally fell asleep. His time of rest, though, didn't last long and he suddenly woke up. A glance at the alarm clock on his bedside table told him that it was just a few minutes after one. His mouth felt dry and furry, so despite being lethargic, he slid out of bed and shuffled out of the bedroom to get himself a glass of fresh water. He yawned and scratched his neck as he trundled along. It was when he was approaching the end of the corridor that he noticed light coming out of his living room. He stopped at the door and saw Lou on the sofa, reading a thick book under the dim light of his floor lamp. Her legs were crossed, and her back propped in the corner between the backrest and the arm of the couch. She was wearing light green pajamas and Kid thought her figure outlined and framed between soft light and shadows looked absolutely breathtaking.

Louise hadn't noticed his presence yet, and Kid had to clear his throat to let her know he was there without startling her. She lifted her gaze to him and as her eyes watched him in silence, Kid suddenly became very self-conscious in front of her. One hand flew to smooth his hair which he knew would be standing on end after fighting to sleep and his left one quickly started fastening the buttons of his pajama top.

"Can't sleep?" Kid asked breezily.

Lou shook her head. "I tried, but my mind is too crowded. Sorry I woke you."

"You didn't. I... I... I just want some... uh... water," he replied clumsily, cursing himself for sounding like a blabbering idiot. She affected him so much that he could hardly act soberly in front of her. He thought ruefully that if he continued behaving foolishly, all he would manage was to push her away.

Lou bobbed her head up and down as her eyes locked into his. Kid stood rooted on the spot as if frozen and when he noticed her looking at him with a strange expression, he finally reacted and clumsily grumbled some incomprehensible words before hurriedly dashing to the kitchen. There he filled a glass with tap water and downed the liquid while his eyes kept darting through the door, checking on her. He put down the glass on the counter top and was about to leave the room, but on second thoughts he retreated his steps back inside, filled the glass again and walked back to the living room. Louise looked up from her book and gave him a small smile as he sat down next to her. Kid took a tiny sip from the glass and put it down on the table. His nightly thirst was now his excuse to stay up with her because he just couldn't go back to his bed with the knowledge that she was awake in the living room.

"What are you reading?" Kid asked, finally breaking the silence.

Lou closed the book and showed him the cover. It was a manual about tropical diseases and Lou remarked bitterly. "Not much use to me now."

She left the book on the table and without the protection of the book she felt kind of naked and awkward, and almost automatically she folded her arms over her chest. She uncrossed her legs and shifted her body on the sofa, so that she was sitting very upright and stiff. Lou looked at him and smiled awkwardly, unsure of what to say or do. He was very close to her, just a few inches separating their seated bodies; she could feel him so much that her body reacted and she started shivering and sweating at the same time.

Kid was going through the same uncertainty and feeling restless he grabbed the remote control and turned on the television. A black and white movie was on the first channel he came across, but the volume was turned so low that they couldn't hear the voices or any other sounds. They kept their eyes glued on the mute images and suddenly Kid said, "I... I missed you, Lou... so much that I can hardly explain."

Kid looked at her from the corner of his eye, but she simply kept staring at the silent screen unblinkingly, so he simply turned his head back to the television. At his words Louise blushed pleasantly, feeling her breathing quicken and her heart surge with a profound emotion. His sincere declaration put an end to her previous fears and a strong force in her insides urged her to stop the tension she had felt between the two of them all day long. She unfolded her arms, rested her palms on the surface of the sofa and without being totally aware of it, her hand slowly crawled, reaching for his.

Kid felt her touch and stiffened but he didn't dare to move and simply kept his eyes fixed ahead. The tip of her index finger softly began stroking the back of his hand, exploring every crevice, knuckle, crease and line of his skin and after a few minutes, her palm completely covered his hand and her slender fingers sank between the gaps of his strong ones. Her boldness finally made him react and his hand moved alongside hers as they played, explored, felt, touched, and massaged each other's hand. Neither of them shifted their eyes from the TV screen, both acting as if nothing was actually happening as they sat very quietly without moving a muscle while their hands continued their holding game. Kid felt as if his whole body was on fire. Though very simple and almost childish, he thought that this was the most erotic moment he had ever lived.

On her part, Louise was experiencing such a mixture of sensations and emotions all over her body that she felt overwhelmed and feverish. Her throat tightened and she doubted whether her voice would respond to her. Yet, she knew that if they continued like this, without acknowledging what was happening, the following day she wouldn't dare to look at him in the eye, and that was something she needed to avoid. So although unsure whether she'd be able to utter a single sound, she opened her mouth to talk and out of the blue she muttered, "Your hand's warm. It feels nice."

Her words made him stop the motions of his hand over hers but they both kept their fingers clasped together. Kid slowly turned his head to her, and his eyes locked into her profound pools. They stayed in this wordless exchange for a few minutes, each lost in the other's intense stare. His whole body ached for feeling her, and when he couldn't hold back any longer, his free hand cupped her face, guiding it to his hungry lips.

Louise closed her eyes as his mouth moved over hers eagerly, wildly. For a moment she was uncertain of how to act, but soon she followed his lead and kissed him back. Kid's hands roamed along her back as he struggled to hold her as close to him as possible. With a soft motion he made her lie on her back without stopping his loving ministrations. His lips expertly moved from her mouth to her beautiful neck. Louise couldn't think, couldn't react and simply let him love her. She felt she was going to explode as sensations totally new to her multiplied in her insides. Yet, suddenly something snapped inside her head as she noticed his hand sliding under her pajama top and crawling upwards over her bare skin. Her eyes shot open and placing a hand on his chest she softly pushed him away from her.

"I ... I better go," she said breathlessly as her body sat up. "I'll try to get some sleep."

Kid was smiling from ear to ear, unable to say a word, and ignoring her words, once again his mouth searched hers. As he kissed her, his whole self was oozing pure joy throughout all his pores. He couldn't believe this was finally happening. After all these months, weeks, days of intense desire, he was finally free to love. He wanted to taste and feel everything in her, and his whole body moved automatically without being conscious of his own acts. All he knew was that he wanted to love all of her intensely, completely, totally. Yet, after a few minutes she stopped him once again and this time she rose to her feet.

"Uh... I better go," she repeated with a trembling voice and without another look she shuffled away with shivering legs and for one moment she even thought that she was going to fall flat on her nose.

"Lou..." Kid called in a soft voice and when she turned round and met his eyes, he whispered, "I love you."

Louise smiled, blushing hotly. "Me too," she muttered in such a soft voice that he almost didn't hear her. Their eyes met once again, both smiling, and then she turned round and continued towards her room, feeling as if she were walking on the clouds.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Sizzling and hissing sounds echoed in the vast kitchen as a couple of eggs flapped in the hot oil in the pan. Lou kept her attention fixed on the cooking, her right hand skillfully maneuvering the spatula and her left one holding the skillet handle.

It had been a strange night. After sharing those kisses with Kid, she had gone straight to bed, but sleep had not come easily. It wasn't because she didn't feel comfortable or missed her own bed. In fact, this bed was much better quality than the one in the convent. The mattress was soft but at the same time firm enough, and the whole room was warm and cozy. No, that hadn't been the problem. It was her own thoughts that had kept her awake as she replayed Kid's kisses over and over again. Her whole body longed to feel his lips once more and the knowledge that he was next door had made her restless. She'd never have thought that she could enjoy a man's kisses so much, and her mouth split into a big smile every time she remembered those loving and intimate moments.

Of course Kid hadn't been the only one that had nuzzled his mouth over hers. When she had been a teenager, a couple of boys had tried their luck with her but with disastrous results. The first one had been Chuck Ronny. After a tireless campaign of intense pestering, Lou had agreed to go to the school dance with him, simply to shut him up. At the end of that very long night, he had kissed her and when Lou had felt his slobbery lips wetting hers and his tongue pushing his way into her mouth, she had thought that it was gross and totally revolting. Louise had given Chuck a powerful punch on his nose, which had made him fall on his backside and as soon as she had got home, she had washed her mouth with abundant water and soap.

The second time had been a year or so later. She had been fifteen at the time and curious about what all her classmates went on about boys and kisses, Lou had wanted to know first-hand what all the fuss was about. She had only had that unique foul experience with Chuck, and even though then she had already been quite sure where her life was heading to, she had thought of having a second try and seeing whether kissing a boy was as great as the other girls said. So one day as she worked on a school project with one of her classmates in his bedroom, she had bluntly asked him to kiss her. Naturally after the initial surprise the boy had complied and even though that time hadn't been so horrible or disgusting as with Chuck, this new kiss had left her completely indifferent.

That had been her last time until last night. Yet, she felt those two occasions had nothing to do with what she had experienced with Kid. It had been incredible and as she had lain in bed, those hot kisses had kept her very good company, but at some point other grimmer thoughts had invaded her mind. The notion that only yesterday she had been a consecrated nun, and that very night she had been smooching a man weighed on her conscience. Lou felt she hadn't done anything wrong. She had simply shown her affection to the person she loved. There hadn't been anything dark or illicit in her acts, and she had stopped in the right moment.

There was nothing wrong, she repeated over and over again. However, she couldn't feel totally in peace. Besides, she couldn't stop thinking about what she had lost by choosing Kid over her past life. That was exactly what her heart had dictated her. Yet, she still hurt as she brought to mind everything and everybody she had to say goodbye to. Her dream of going to Africa as a missionary had crashed. Since the day she had become a nun, that had been her greatest desire. So when she had been notified in her convent in Guam that she had been selected to go to Somalia, Louise had felt on top of the world. Of course she had never counted on having such a twist in her life, falling in love just a few months after that day. Lou wanted to believe that this sacrifice would eventually pay. Her love for Kid would give her as many satisfactions as her life until that very moment. It wouldn't be easy, and she'd have to adapt to completely new ways. It was more than her love for Kid she had to face. She was starting anew and she wasn't even aware of what she'd have to cope with.

As she transferred the eggs from the pan onto a couple of dishes, a hand slipped round her waist startling her. Soon soft lips brushed against her neck, causing goose bumps to cover her body. "Good morning," Kid whispered as his fingers turned her face to him and he captured her mouth. Once again Louise succumbed to his touch and they stood there repeating the same ritual as last night's. When the lingering kiss finished, Kid turned her round towards him and kept his hands around her tiny waist. "I love to kiss you... almost as much as I love you."

Louise gave him a pleased smile, fixing her shy eyes on his and Kid added with hesitation, "Lou, can I ask you something?" She nodded and he continued with the same uncertainty, "Did you... did you leave the convent because... because of ... us?"

Louise stared at him for a few seconds and finally nodded her head, almost imperceptibly, lowering her eyes as she felt her cheeks flush violently. Kid smiled and planted a kiss on her temple, feeling light-hearted and exultant. Then putting his hand under her chin he tilted her face to him so that he could look at her eyes. "Lou, I promise I will take good care of you and won't let you down. You'll never regret your decision."

"I know that," she muttered and uncomfortable with the conversation, she disengaged herself from his hold and asked, "What about some breakfast?"

"Lou, you shouldn't have bothered," he replied, coming closer to the stove and taking a peek. "You're my guest."

"It wasn't a bother," she answered while serving the rest of the food onto the plates. "I'm used to getting up early for Morning Prayer. So when I woke up at my usual time, I thought of making myself useful while you were still sleeping."

Kid smiled happily as he poured two mugs of coffee and placed them on the table next to the plates. He sat down opposite Lou and for a few minutes they simply ate in silence. Kid couldn't help but think how the morning felt so different from any other morning. Every day for the last five years he had sat at this same table, having his first coffee and he had felt miserable, hating the place that was his home. Yet, since the moment Lou had set foot in it, it was as if the apartment had undergone a radical transformation. Everything looked brighter, jollier, greater. His kitchen seemed to have grown a few feet, and the light filtering through the window more intense. A bright smile appeared on his lips as he imagined sharing breakfast with Lou every single day for the rest of his life. He was so sure of what he felt that he wasn't afraid to commit himself to her. _"She's so beautiful,"_ he thought as he watched her face. Her countenance still bore a shadow of melancholy and bitterness, and Kid wished he could do something to replace the beautiful smile back to her lips.

At some point Lou lifted her eyes from the food and caught him red-handed, staring at her. She creased her face in wonder, and Kid chuckled at her stunned expression. When he sobered, he decided to break the silence and asked, "What are you going to do today, Lou? Are you coming to the clinic?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders as she toyed with the fork in her hand. "I don't know if I still have a job there," she explained. "I've been gone too long and it's just logical that Teaspoon might want to let me go."

"Lou, I don't think he will go to that extreme."

"Did he say something about me since I've been gone?" she asked eagerly after taking a sip of her coffee.

"We were all worried about you, but he never mentioned anything about dismissing you or anything."

"I'll talk to him today and abide by his decision," Louise replied. "Completing the fellowship isn't so vital now... you know," she added, hurting at the knowledge that her initial plans had been called off. "Naturally I'd love to finish my training, but if I find myself unemployed, I'll have to start looking for a new job."

"Lou, let's not get ahead of ourselves," Kid said, resting his hand over hers and giving her a quick squeeze. "I'll go to Teaspoon with you and we'll talk to him."

"Thank you," Louise said with a small smile, which didn't reach her eyes. She knew that Kid could sense her gloomy mood, but despite wanting to stop pitying herself, she felt unable to conceal her feelings. Breaking with her past life had been hard, but she had been the one to make this decision, nobody else had forced her. She wanted to feel happy... actually, she felt happy, but she couldn't get rid of a latent pain that coursed all over her overwhelmingly. She hoped that it would fade little by little because she had every intention to have a full and happy life. This was what she was destined to, where God had guided her, so she needed to forget about everything and start thinking positively without regrets.

* * *

An hour later Kid pulled in the hospital car park. Louise was sitting on the passenger seat and just the knowledge that she was next to him was enough to make him smile from ear to ear. Lou had been silent all the way to the hospital as the thoughts kept rolling on her mind. She missed her bike. If nobody had picked it up, it would probably be in the same place she had left it the last day she had been at work. That had been when Kid had kissed her, and she had run away in fright under the rain. Lou thought that she'd have to take her dear bicycle back to the convent. It belonged to the community and even though she was the only one who had ridden it all these years, it wasn't right to keep it just because of that. In fact, she had practically nothing; not even her clothes belonged to her totally. The vow of poverty she had pledged long ago dictated that she couldn't own anything, goods or money, so her salary from her work at the hospital went straight to the community's account. In reality, Lou could just call a few things her own; a few presents from Theresa and the gold chain and medal that Kid had given her for Christmas, which she wore now.

Kid pulled over at his parking space and after unbuckling his seat belt he turned to Lou, "Are you ready?"

"I guess," Louise muttered. "I don't know why, but I'm kind of scared."

"Everything's gonna be fine."

Lou nodded. Actually, losing her job didn't worry her as much as having to face all her colleagues. She didn't know if she was ready to answer their questions. Admitting that she wasn't a nun anymore was going to be hard and almost humiliating. She felt ashamed of herself, feeling that she had let herself succumb to weakness. She had always prided herself of the strength of her convictions, and now her current situation mortified her more than she was ready to admit.

The couple got out of the car and started off towards the car park exit. Kid walked by her side and feeling him next to her, made her feel invigorated and his presence gave her the strength she lacked. When they neared the entrance to the clinic, Louise stopped and turning to him, she said, "Kid, could we be discreet about ... us, please?"

Kid nodded but understood the reasons behind her request. They continued towards the entrance to the clinic in silence. Steeling herself to face the music, Louise breathed in deeply when they crossed the threshold. As soon as they got through the door, a loud cry resounded, piercing the air. "Lou!" It was then that they saw Emily bolt towards them and Louise hardly had time to react when the receptionist threw her arms around her. "How are you?" Emily asked when she pulled away as suddenly as she had hugged her.

"I'm... fine," Lou mumbled with a tiny voice and foreseeing that her friend wouldn't be satisfied with only that, she added, "Look, Emily, I'm sorry but I can't stop right now. I have to go and see Teaspoon. Can we talk later?"

"Oh sure," the receptionist replied while she kept eying Kid, who stood next to Louise in silence. Emily was dying to know what was going on with Lou and whether she had finally reached some peace of mind. "We'll talk when you feel ready or have time."

Louise smiled her thanks and continued her way to Teaspoon's office with Kid in tow. Much sooner than she'd have liked it, they were sitting before her boss. The old doctor greeted her warmly and naturally expressed his interest in her wellbeing and health. When the formalities were over, Lou found herself in a very uncomfortable position and after a lengthy silence, she fumbled for words and all she managed to do was to stammer incoherently. In the end, it was Teaspoon himself who saved her from further embarrassment as he said, "Mother Mary called me yesterday."

"And she told you," Lou muttered.

"Uh huh," the older doctor replied, his eyes alternating between his subordinates. Louise blushed hotly, guessing what Teaspoon's glance was clearly pointing out. She imagined that Marmee had told him the reason why she had left the convent, and Kid's name must surely have been mentioned. Lou was dying to know exactly what she had told him and what mood she had been in. Marmee had taken her decision quite well, but Lou knew that deep down she must have felt hurt and deeply disappointed. Louise knew her too well, and sooner or later she would get to hear her blunt opinion. Yet, she wouldn't dare to ask Teaspoon. It was too awkward to go on the matter more deeply, so she opted for changing the direction of the conversation.

"Teaspoon, I know I've been off for too long... and without giving you any notice, so I was wondering if ... well... if I still have a job to go back to."

The old doctor didn't respond straightaway. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his desk. "Louise, I imagine that this personal matter of yours must have been very hard on you and I can sympathize with you. Yet, you know that this is not a charity."

"But Teaspoon, you can't..."

"Hold your horses, Kid," the older doctor cut his younger subordinate off, and turning his attention back to Lou, he continued, "I know you're an intelligent, hard-working, committed doctor, and it would be foolish of me and this hospital to let you escape." Louise smiled and Teaspoon continued, "Yet, I'm afraid that you'll have to make up for those hours you missed. We'll have to rearrange your schedule, and you'll have to do double-shifts and work some weekends."

"I don't mind. I'm ready to do anything it takes to keep my job here," Louise replied promptly as she shared a sideways look with Kid who was smiling satisfied.

"And I imagine you'd have to change some details like the address where to send you notifications from the hospital or the account where you'd get your salary from now on," Teaspoon continued.

Louise hesitated. Teaspoon was right; she would have to receive the money she got every month for her work instead of being sent to the community. It was just natural because she would need money to get by. However, changing those details would make her feel dirty and selfish. "I ... I don't have a bank account or a... home."

"Then you'd need to sort out all that first, don't you think?" Teaspoon asked and Lou nodded. "Take today and, if necessary, tomorrow off and see to your matters."

"Thank you," Louise replied and after a second's pause she added, "And Teaspoon, could I possibly have an advance of my pay? I'm kind of hard-pressed."

"Sure. I'll talk to Edith in accounting and you'll have a check ready tomorrow," he replied.

Louise shyly smiled her thanks and then the three of them walked to the door. Before stepping out, Louise turned back to her boss and asked, "Mother told me that Melly's living with you and Rachel. Are you three fine?"

"So far, so good," Teaspoon exclaimed cheerfully. "She's a little angel and a real blessing."

"Yeah, she is," Louise agreed with a tinge of sadness.

"She talks about you a lot," the older doctor continued. "You should come home to pay her a visit sometime."

"I'd love to."

"Yeah..." Teaspoon replied, rubbing his chin as he mulled over an idea in his head, "we could throw a dinner one evening and ... of course you'd be welcome to come with a friend," he added mischievously, casting a purposeful look at Kid.

The two doctors exchanged a quick glance and blushed. Teaspoon smiled in amusement as he bid goodbye to his subordinates whose red faces matched. When the door closed behind, Kid quickly grabbed her by the arm and steered her to a corner of the small reception area. "Lou..."

Louise noticed Jane watch them with a strange expression from her desk. She hadn't been there when they had first arrived and Lou wasn't sure whether the young girl was surprised to see her or the familiar way Kid was touching her. So crossing her arms over her chest, she took a step away from him and before he could continue, she said, "Hi, Jane."

"Hello, Louise. I see you're back," the secretary replied with a smile.

Before Lou could reply to her greeting, Kid cut in, "Excuse us, Jane, but we're in a bit of a hurry to sort out something." Wrapping his arm over Lou's shoulders he gently pushed her out of the place.

When they were outside, Kid opened a door to an empty office and they slipped inside. As soon as they stepped in, Lou gruffly pushed his arm off her and exclaimed with growing irritation. "Kid, I told you we had to be discreet! What part didn't you understand?"

"But what for, Lou? Everybody already knows I love you, and sooner or later they're gonna learn you're not a nun anymore."

"Maybe you're right but I don't need every busybody here to start gossiping at my expense" Louise replied stiffly, feeling very annoyed.

Oblivious to her mood, Kid took his wallet out of his back pocket and plucked a few bills out of it. "Lou, take this. You'll need some cash today."

"No, Kid. You're already done too much for me," she answered back, lowering her eyes to her hands that reluctantly held the money he had forced her to take.

Kid placed a finger under her chin and made her meet his eyes. "No protests, Lou. Nothing is too much for my girl... because you're my girl, aren't you?"

"Some girl you got yourself," she remarked in a pitiful tone. "Bringing nothing but problems."

"I wouldn't change you for anything in the world," he replied with a smile, circling his arms around her body. Yet as quickly as he embraced her, he pulled away. "Sorry, honey. I forgot. Discretion," he said in a whispering voice, resting his index finger against his lips to convey some kind of pact of silence.

Lou looked at his smiling, happy face with a sad countenance and without thinking it twice, she leaned across and propped her head against his chest. A deep sensation of tenderness and desolation rushed over her, and suddenly she started sobbing against him. Kid brought his arms around her trembling body and placed a soft kiss on top of her head. "Everything's gonna be all right, Lou. You don't need to worry or fear. I'm here for you, and we'll work out this together, all right?"

Louise lifted her tear-streaked face and despite everything, she managed to smile. His optimism pulled her and boosted her confidence. She wasn't as defenseless as she felt. She had him and a little ray started lighting her dark landscape. The time she was going through was terrible, and every step she took seemed harder than the previous one. After the last few weeks of anxiety and mental breakdown, she had thought that everything would be easier when she had made her decision. Yet, now she realized that things were still difficult, and her heart was still divided. Louise thought that hopefully her bleak mood would vanish when she settled down. She was simply feeling disoriented and lost. After all, she had left the convent only yesterday and it was natural that she needed some time to get adjusted. With time she'd manage to look at everything with a huge, bright smile. In a couple of months these first moments of bitterness would just be a memory and she'd be enjoying life at its fullest as she was used to. Time healed everything and she was more than ready to be healed.

* * *

That evening Kid drove his car among the hundreds of other vehicles whose drivers were on their way back from work like him. Lou had called him before he left the clinic and she had told him where she'd be waiting for him. All day long Kid had been thinking about her and the hours had seemed to drag unbearably. Everybody had heard that Lou was back and had bombarded him with questions since somehow the rumor that he was in the know about her matters had spread. Kid had answered their curiosity as vaguely as he could. He didn't know what Lou wanted the others to know, so Kid hadn't mentioned anything about her decision to leave the convent or their new relationship. In any case, everybody would soon learn that Lou wasn't a nun anymore. Teaspoon, Jimmy and Cody already knew and even though his friends had sworn to keep the secret, he was aware that didn't guarantee anything.

Kid parked his car near the point where Lou had told him she'd be. After walking for a few minutes, he finally spotted her, sitting on the backrest of a bench while biting into an apple. When he reached her he placed himself next to her and without a single word he pulled her to him and planted a soft kiss on her cheek. Lou got startled by his gesture and pushed him away. "Kid!" she protested with a frown, embarrassed.

Kid grinned amusedly, thinking that she looked very cute when she turned all shy. After a few seconds he asked, "So how was your day?"

Lou shrugged her shoulders unenthusiastically and after rummaging in her bag for a brief moment, she pulled out her purse and took a card. "Look at this. It has my name in it and everything," she muttered as she lifted the debit card to his eye level.

"Wow. I'm impressed!" Kid exclaimed in mockery.

Louise stuck out her tongue, feigning to be offended, and continued with a bitter expression. "Can you believe it? I'm becoming a bourgeois and the funny thing is that I don't have a single cent to my name."

Kid chuckled at her expression and added, "And what about your hunt for an apartment?"

"Couldn't have gone worse," she replied bitterly. As she spread out the newspaper over Kid's legs in the classifieds, he saw that the page was covered with crosses in red ink. "I can't afford most of them. They ask you for a deposit and also an agency fee and in most cases a month in advance. When Edith gives me the check, I won't have enough. There are a few more affordable options..."

Kid had a look at the couple of ads she was pointing at, which were circled in red ink, and he made an unhappy gesture when he read the addresses. Those apartments were placed in rather depressed areas of the city where crime and vandalism were a common occurrence. Naturally he wouldn't feel happy knowing his girl lived in an unsafe environment. Before he could voice his protests, she exclaimed, "I went to see a couple of them and they were so filthy, Kid. I even saw a cockroach in one bedroom." Louise shuddered at the thought. It was kind of paradoxical that she could be so fussy when she had been ready to travel to the other end of the world where living conditions in terms of health and hygiene wouldn't have been guaranteed. In any case, this felt different.

Kid nodded, grinning amused at the expression of disgust and horror in her face when she mentioned the insect. Sliding his hand in the inner pocket of his jacket, he produced a few folded papers before her. "I got these ads from an Internet site. There are a few places that look quite interesting."

Louise unfolded the papers and scanned the various advertisements that Kid had printed for her, realizing that curiously enough, all of them referred to apartments in the vicinity of where he lived. She also noticed the price and said, "Kid, do I need to remind you how much an intern earns?" She paused briefly to share a sullen look with him and then added, "I guess my only option would be to get a roommate. I have a few telephone numbers, so I guess I better start calling and see if I'm lucky."

"Lou, don't tell me you really feel like living with a bunch of strangers. I have quite interesting stories from the time I had roommates and you find all kinds of strange people."

"I don't have many more options, Kid. I need a place to live or would you rather see me sleeping on the street?" she retorted annoyed.

Kid stared at her thoughtfully and after a while he said, "Now that you mention it, I know somebody who's looking for a room mate."

"Really?"

"Yeah... the place's quite decent, and I think you'll be comfortable there." Before Lou had the chance to reply, he took hold of her hand and without actually being aware of her own movements, Lou followed his suit and let herself be steered to the car. As Kid drove his car, Lou kept asking him questions about his mysterious friend but he kindly told her to have a little patience. Louise wasn't happy with his guessing games and wanted to know where she was taking her. After a while she noticed that he drove towards the area of the city where he lived, but she thought that his friend must be living in the same area. When he drove into his building's car park, Lou couldn't hold back any longer and asked, "What are we doing here, Kid?"

He didn't answer and getting out of the car, he rounded the vehicle to open the door for her. Lou's intense stare bore into his but Kid ignored her and beckoned for her to follow him. Reluctantly Lou did so and when they entered his apartment, he asked, "So tell me, what do you think?"

"About what?" she questioned with a frown even though she had strong suspicions about what he was up to.

"This apartment of course!" he exclaimed. "I think you can be quite comfortable here. It's quite spacious, clean... believe me, you won't find any cockroaches or other bugs and ... the company isn't too bad either," he added teasingly, stroking her hand with the back of his hand.

"Kid, you can't be serious."

"Yes, I am... dead serious."

"This is insane," Louise continued, folding her arms over her chest.

"Why? Just give one single reason," Kid insisted.

"I just can't move in here with you! It's... it's..." Lou exclaimed but her voice trailed off. She had almost said that it wouldn't be decent for her to live with a single man, but she had bitten her tongue before he might think she belonged to another century.

"Tell me, do you like this apartment?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Do you like the neighborhood?"

"I guess."

"And ... do you like me?" he added his last question in a husky voice as he took a step closer and fixed his eyes in hers.

"You know I do," she replied with a flirty grin.

"Then say yes, Lou."

"Kid, I don't want to come bothering you," Louise continued with her relentless protests.

"Lou, I really do want you to be here with me... I really do. If you plan to share an apartment with somebody else, why not me?"

"But Kid, I don't have money to pay you a decent rent."

"Lou, you don't have to pay!" Kid exclaimed and foreseeing she was going to protest, he added, "But if it makes you feel better, we can share expenses, you know, utility bills and food."

Louise remained quiet, seriously considering his offer. It was very tempting, but before she could give her consent, she had to leave things clear between the two of them. She didn't want to cause any misunderstandings. "Kid, I... I'm not going to sleep with you, neither today, nor tomorrow nor next month."

"Oh... I..."

"I've broken with my past life, but I still have the same beliefs, and it's not right for a man and a woman to get too intimate unless they have been blessed in marriage."

Kid nodded. "Lou, I'm not asking you to stay here for that, honestly. Of course I would be lying if I told you I don't want you... because I do. But I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. I love you and also I respect you. I'm just asking you to be my room mate and make your guest room yours. Come on, Lou, say yes, please."

Louise was sure that this wasn't the smartest thing she could do. They didn't even know where they were going with their newly-discovered love. At least she was very insecure about this man-woman thing. Theoretically it shouldn't be so difficult. They loved and respected each other, so things would have to go smoothly. Her heart wanted to believe that there was nothing wrong in sharing the place with the man she loved instead of a stranger. Of course she was concerned about what others might think if she decided to live with him. Everybody would naturally assume that she was living with a man in sin. Yet, a little voice within her told her that she should do what she thought was right. Hadn't she always frowned upon those who paid more attention to appearances than truth? Lou knew that she wasn't doing anything wrong. Of course this wasn't the ideal arrangement but what other possibilities did she have? She couldn't ask Theresa for a loan because she was aware that her younger sister couldn't afford to lend her those thousands of dollars. And after everything he was doing for her, Lou couldn't ask Kid.

"Well," Lou started after a few seconds, "I'll stay but only until I can save enough to get my own place, all right?"

"As you wish, milady," Kid replied teasingly with a wide smile.

Lou finally found herself nodding her head in agreement despite the little nagging voice in her head that kept repeating that this was the worst step she could ever take.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

The days succeeded, turning into weeks and almost unnoticed to everybody, three weeks had passed since the day Louise had decided to leave her past life behind forever. The road wasn't easy at all and Lou continuously struggled with all her might to get used to her new life and routine. In truth, her days weren't so different from when she had been living in the convent. She still worked as a volunteer in all the causes she was an active member of, and her work in the clinic hadn't changed a bit. If anything, it was harder because of the hours she had to make up for. The only things that were different were her place of residence and of course her romance with Kid.

Even with those very few changes, Lou still felt that her life had done an about-turn, and continuous moodiness dominated her, which she didn't really know where it came from. She was trying her hardest to get back on track but she couldn't feel comfortable in the new place she had been assigned in life. She knew she should be excited and exultant. After all, she was living a very sweet love story with a great guy who was crazy for her and who she loved. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to enjoy what life was giving her. Her whole soul revolted against it, but she hoped that time would prove its effectiveness and she would eventually accept all those changes in her heart. Kid was a dear and very understanding, and not once had he voiced his discontent about her grumpiness. She was fully aware that he had noticed it. One had to be deaf and blind not to see what was so plain for everybody, but still Kid was giving her the space she needed and he never complained.

Their living arrangements were actually working. She had to admit that she was quite comfortable at his place, and they hadn't had a single problem so far. Louise had initially feared that it would be awkward between them, but it wasn't so. She was aware that Kid really wanted to have the same physical relationship he had had with his previous girlfriends, but he hadn't insisted on the matter at all. Kid had come to accept her resolution and to be happy with what she was ready to give him. Of course they sometimes kissed, and she actually enjoyed those moments and so far Kid didn't push her for more.

Louise entered the cafeteria of the hospital for the first time in three weeks. Lately she had resorted to bring a sandwich to work and eat it quickly for lunch whenever she had a minute to spare. After her long absence she was trying her best to catch up with her job and training. The extra hours she had to work now, added to the mental pressure she was suffering, were wearing her down but as a matter of fact, she didn't care. She wanted to prove to Teaspoon that she was worthy of his trust and was ready to do anything for that reason. Maybe she was overdoing herself, and she needn't work herself to the bone, but actually the activity served her as a distraction to her jumbled mind and that was what she needed most right now.

Today she had left what she now called home in quite a hurry and hadn't had time to make herself a packed lunch. So when her stomach had started grumbling, Jimmy had practically thrown her out of his office, ordering her to have some food. She knew she was thinning and in her scrawny body a pound or two less were more than noticeable. Kid and Jimmy, who she was around the most, kept telling her about it, and she knew they were right, but she lately felt unable to have more than what she already fed her stomach. Yet, she told herself that she would have to try for her own good. She needed to start eating properly and get more sleep. Last month's stress was taking its toll physically, and she'd have to do something before she really fell ill.

Louise took the tray with the food to the register and after paying for it she scanned the room for a free table. She spotted the girls having lunch together like usual and even though she wasn't in the mood to talk, she directed her steps towards them. In these last weeks she had been avoiding everybody on purpose by coming to the clinic before anybody, leaving later and skipping coming to the cafeteria altogether. She felt tempted to sit by herself but that would be too rude and evident, so despite her desires, she approached them. On seeing her, Emily was the first one to speak up. "Look who's here. Dr. McCloud is granting us the rare honor of her majestic presence," the receptionist said sarcastically.

"Can I sit here?" Lou asked dryly, ignoring her friend's open criticism.

"Of course honey," Emma replied promptly, tapping the seat next to her.

Louise smiled and sat down. She started eating in silence while the other four women stared at her in eager anticipation. When they realized that Lou didn't intend to talk, they exchanged disappointed glances. Despite her discreet and shy nature, Jane was the one who couldn't control her curiosity any longer and asked, "Louise, aren't you going to tell us?"

The doctor lifted her eyes from the plate and noticed the avid countenances of her colleagues for the first time. "Tell you what?" she replied, feigning ignorance.

Emily rolled her eyes and before she could throw one of her caustic comments, Rachel stepped in, "We heard that we don't have to call you 'sister' anymore. Is that true?"

"You never called me sister anyway," Lou replied curtly and as she looked around her and noticed the expressions of her friends, she finally relented. A sigh escaped her lips and she then proceeded to tell them about her very carefully thought-out decision to leave the convent, and how difficult it had been and still was to change the only life she had always known. Not once did she mention Kid's name and she practically repeated the explanation she had given him the day she had walked away from the convent.

"That is all very well," Emily said when Lou had finished her account, "but what I want... what we want to know is about Kid."

"Kid?" Louise echoed in a neutral, unenthusiastic tone.

"Yeah, Kid," Emily continued. "You know that unattractive doctor with hideous eyes and an ugly body you sometimes have a word or two with."

Everybody laughed at their friend's comment, even Lou, and when they sobered, Emma insisted, "What's happening with Kid, honey?" Everybody in the clinic was simply guessing because neither Lou nor Kid were talking about the matter. They didn't even show signs that their relationship had changed. They hardly ever were seen together lately, but Rachel had told them that Teaspoon had hinted something about it, so they were all dying to know whether it was true.

"Happening?" Lou repeated again.

"For goodness' sake, Lou," Emily exclaimed, running out of patience, "stop acting as if you only had air inside your head! Come on, tell us. Is he or is he not your boyfriend now?"

Louise couldn't help but blush and lowering her eyes to the plate before her, she muttered, "I guess he is."

"Oh Louise I'm so happy for you two!" Emma exclaimed with a big smile.

"I think it's so romantic," Jane remarked in a dreamy voice.

Rachel noticed that Lou didn't seem to share the other women's enthusiasm and had a doleful expression, which make the midwife wonder. "Louise, is everything all right between you two?"

"Yeah... I think so," Lou replied hesitantly.

"You could've fooled us," Emily quipped pointedly.

Louise lifted her irritated eyes towards her friend and exclaimed loudly, "This isn't easy for me! Not at all! Everything's happening so quickly. I've gone from having a steady life to walking a tightrope in less than twenty-four hours. I don't even know where I'm going, and I feel like an alien everywhere!"

"It's natural, honey," Emma replied with a soft tone. "We understand it's a big change... very disturbing."

"You know you can count on us. Sometimes it helps to simply talk to friends," Rachel added.

"Thanks," Lou answered with a sincere smile.

There was a brief moment of silence and then still curious about the issue, Jane asked, "Did you already get yourself a place of your own, Louise?"

"Uh... no... not really," Lou mumbled, hoping that the matter wouldn't go further than that. Yet, knowing her friends, Rachel's next question didn't surprise her at all.

"So where are you staying? At your sister's?"

"No... she's a bit tight space-wise at the moment," Lou answered vaguely and seeing the girls' silent question in their expression, she knew they wouldn't give up until they got the truth out of her. "I... I... I'm living at Kid's," she finally muttered, blushing to the roots of her brownish hair.

On hearing her, Emily let out a loud guffaw as she clapped her hands at the same time as if she were a little girl. "Way to go, Lou! That's my girl. Why waste time in formalities and silly dates? You like the guy, and plunge headlong into the deep end the pool and fully-clothed. Good for you!"

Louise cringed at the comment, especially at the reference to the swimming pool. She had to shake her head to get rid of their disturbing images and sensations invading her mind and then breathing in deeply she said, "Don't go that way, Emily, because you're all wrong! Kid has been awfully kind to let me stay at his place because my economic situation is on the rocks, but we aren't living together in the sense of ... you know, 'living together'. I guess this is just a temporary arrangement, until I can move somewhere else."

"Oh come on, Lou," Emily continued stubbornly, "don't tell me you aren't enjoying the benefits of living under the same roof as the guy you have the hots for!"

"Believe it or not, that's your problem," Louise replied roughly as she rose to her feet. "And now I gotta go. It's been a pleasure to talk to you ladies."

The four women remained in silence, watching Lou turn away and leave the cafeteria. After she disappeared from their sight, it was Emily who spoke up again, "She's behaving like a fool."

"Em, you weren't very tactful or understanding with her."

"What's there to understand, Rachel?" the receptionist replied in a loud tone. "Why does she have to sound as if she were been submitted to a terrible punishment? A good and honest man is in love with her and instead of boasting about it, she behaves as if she were totally ashamed."

"Emily, things aren't that simple," Emma continued. "It's a big change for her... bigger than what we can imagine. If for some reason I got to lose Sam and had to start from scratch, it would be totally unnerving and torturous. I guess that Lou's case is twice as bad."

"I'm very fond of her... really. I'm sorry but I can't understand her," Emily insisted.

"Whether we understand her or not," Rachel continued after a short pause, "I hope she finally finds her way. Poor girl looks totally lost, and it really breaks my heart."

"Amen to that," Jane concluded and the four women chuckled at the double meaning behind the girl's remark. From that point on nobody mentioned the matter again and they continued eating their lunch and sharing some laughs until it was time to go back to their respective duties.

* * *

Louise slid her arm in the strap of her knapsack, letting its weight rest on her right shoulder, as she made her way out of the common room. "Lou!" she heard somebody call her name while she walked down the corridor. She stopped and smiled when she saw Kid running to her, still with his white coat on. "Are you going already?" he asked when he caught up with her.

"Yes. Didn't I tell you I was finishing earlier today?" Lou said. Since she had come back to work after her long absence, she had to do many extra hours, but at least once a week her shift was reduced and she could leave the hospital a few hours earlier.

"Yeah, you did. That's why I thought we could do something tonight," Kid replied with a big smile. "What do you say about having a romantic dinner with your man at that new restaurant in town and then going to the theatre? I have tickets for 'Tosca'."

Louise smiled at his thoughtfulness. A couple of days ago she had told him about the first time she had seen an opera and how much she had loved it. Her past obligations hadn't allowed her to indulge in that pleasure very often, and only from time to time she watched a performance on TV. It warmed her heart to think that Kid had taken the trouble to book tickets for the very opera she had mentioned, so her face scrunched in pain as she had to voice her refusal once again. "I'm sorry, Kid, but I can't."

His smile faded instantly. "But, Lou, you said that you were free tonight and weren't doing any volunteer work because the social hall had been closed temporarily for fumigation."

"Yeah, that's right, but... but I thought I could go to the convent and pay them a visit. I still need to take the bike back, and I haven't seen them since I left."

"Can't you go tomorrow or another day?"

"Kid, I called Marmee and she'd be waiting for me. I just can't call her back to cancel. She wouldn't like it."

"All right, then. Never mind," he replied with a bitter expression.

Seeing his disappointed face pulled at her heart. Every time he came to her with plans to go out, she always turned him down for one reason or another. Most days she was busy in her various activities as a volunteer, and now that she worked at the clinic some weekends, she always wound up very tired, with no energy to do anything at the end of the day.

Kid started to turn around to go the way he had first come from, but Lou stopped him. "Kid, wait!" He sent her a questioning look and Louise added, "Maybe if I make the visit brief, we can still have time to go out."

His face lit up at once and his lips split into a very wide smile. His whole being longed to kiss her, but aware that she didn't like those gestures in public, he simply leaned over and whispered in her ear. "You know all I want is to spend as much time as I can with you because I love you."

Louise smiled at his sincere declaration. His little gestures and loving words always made her beam brightly despite her low moments, and it was then that her heart surged with love and understood why she had left everything for this man. Lost in the moment, Louise took a chance. She looked around her and seeing that the corridor was totally deserted, she impulsively planted a light peck on his mouth. Yet, on feeling her soft mouth, Kid couldn't help but press his lips against hers more intensely, giving her a long, ardent kiss.

"Selfish bastard."

They pulled away quickly as the muttered insult reached their ears, and when they turned, they saw Samantha walking down the corridor with a proud pose. Lou couldn't help but blush at being caught in the moment unawares. "What's with her?" she asked, trying to hide her awkwardness from Kid. "I thought she was fine with that guy, Steve." In fact, Samantha had been very affable and kind to her, and this new turning surprised her.

"I don't know and I don't care."

Lou smiled again, pleased not by his words, but by the silent, profound declaration he found in his intense stare. After a beat, she finally said, "Well, I better get going if I don't want to be late for..."

"For our date."

"For our date," she repeated with a happy smile and turning on her heel she scurried away, really hoping that time flew away so that she could be back to Kid to enjoy a whole night with him alone and with no more cares.

* * *

"You didn't have to bring the bike back, Louise," Marmee said. "It's practically yours."

Lou shrugged her shoulders, but didn't try to reply. In fact, she didn't really know what to say or how to react. She was feeling very uneasy seeing Marmee's eyes boring into hers. Moments before she had had coffee with all the sisters that were there. They had enjoyed a good conversation. However, Lou still felt awkward around them and despite her intentions to keep calm and breezy, she couldn't help but find the situation very uncomfortable. Her sisters were cordial and treated her with warmth and affability, but knowing that she wasn't part of them anymore, that she was an outsider, really hurt Louise. The doctor told herself that this was what she had wanted and she simply couldn't have everything in life. She had her pick and that was the way she needed to live. The knowledge should make her happier, but as a matter of fact, nothing she told herself made her situation easier.

After coffee, the sisters went and Lou stayed with Marmee in the drawing room. She didn't know whether she felt more awkward in front of all her sisters or now that she was alone with Mother. Louise felt lost at words and didn't know what to say to her after what had happened. They had only talked a few times on the phone but now that they were face to face, Louise couldn't help but feel ashamed in her presence.

"And tell me, Louise," Marmee started, "are you all right? And please, don't repeat that polite 'fine' you tell everybody. I want the truth."

"But it's true, Marmee. I'm fine," Lou replied. "I'm still trying to adapt to my new situation. Everything feels so strange and new, but I think I'll survive."

"And what about your young man? Does he treat you fine?" the nun asked bluntly.

Louise exhaled tiredly. She knew that Kid's matter would come up sooner or later, but right now she wasn't ready to answer the nun's curiosity. Besides, she wanted to avoid being asked about her living arrangements at all costs. What Marmee didn't know wouldn't hurt her, and Lou knew that she wouldn't like it if she told her that she was living with a man. Despite the wholesome and proper relationship Kid and she had, Lou was aware that the Mother Superior wouldn't understand it and jump to the wrong conclusions.

"Please Marmee, don't ask me that," Lou begged. "This is too difficult for me."

"I just want to make sure you're fine," Marmee insisted, but noticing Lou's set expression, she finally relented, "All right, I'll drop it. I guess three weeks isn't enough time to know about it."

Louise neither confirmed nor denied her words and the two women stayed in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. Lou thought that this was worse than she had initially expected, and it wasn't actually what Marmee was saying, but rather what she wasn't. She was feeling stuffy and felt the need to clear the air between them, so in a desperate attempt to change the direction of the conversation she asked, "And how are things around here, Mother?"

"Like usual, you know," the older nun replied. "Of course after you left, we've had to make a few adjustments."

"Yeah, I understand."

"Did I mention that Sister Katherine is going to take your place in our community in Somalia?"

"Kathy?" Lou repeated, her voice tinged with a mixture of dismay and astonishment. Thinking that somebody else was going to get what was supposed to be hers hurt her deeply. Yet, the pain wasn't as overwhelming as the sense of regret and concern invading her. Lou couldn't believe that Kathy had been chosen for that mission and now she understood why her young friend had previously looked at her with a weird and almost annoyed shine in her eyes. Kathy was a good nun and an excellent person, but she was the kind of woman to be perfectly happy in her own environment and outside the limits of her known world she'd feel lost. Lou imagined that the news must have felt as cold water to Kathy, so Louise couldn't blame her friend to feel that way.

"Well... she doesn't have your pluck," Marmee continued, "but she'll be fine. Of course since she's not a doctor, she'll be teaching at the local school instead. You know, she's an excellent teacher."

Lou nodded, pondering about what her decision had brought about. Kathy would be sent away to a place that with all probability she wouldn't want to go. Besides, her not going to Somalia meant that the medical center there would have to make do without her and her professional skills. Louise knew that this particular center was understaffed and didn't have enough resources for all the patients that went to be treated. Louise remembered the day she had talked to the director and the man had been totally excited at the prospect of having a new doctor among his staff. Of course none of that mattered anymore in her current situation. She had made her decision and lost all that. Naturally, she had considered all these points before she had decided to leave her vocation, but somehow now it seemed more real and painful.

Louise had a glimpse at her wrist watch and said, "I have to go, Mother." Kid's reservation at the restaurant was in over an hour, so if she left now, she'd have plenty of time to enjoy a relaxing bath before they went out. Besides, she needed to leave this place and find a distraction to make all these negative thoughts disappear. A night out with Kid would be the perfect medicine, and the sooner they started, the better.

"So soon?" Marmee exclaimed. "I thought you'd join me and the rest of the sisters in the rosary prayer now. You know, Louise, even though you have left our flock, you shouldn't neglect your duties to God."

"I'm not neglecting my duties!" Lou exclaimed with a certain irritation.

"So what do you have to do better than devote some minutes to Our Lady?" Mother Superior replied pointedly. Her tone sounded like a challenge and Lou's proud nature wouldn't let herself be questioned, so she finally relented and agreed her consent.

The rosary prayer seemed to last longer than ever and after the five glorious mysteries were over with its fifty Hail Marys and her corresponding Lord's Prayers and glory be's, the final litany felt endless as the leading nun went through the whole hierarchy of saints. Louise was feeling restless, knowing that Kid would be waiting for her and wondering where she was. Her restlessness didn't let her concentrate and to her chagrin she knew she was practically pretending to pray when her mind was miles away.

When the prayers finished, Louise quickly bid Marmee and the other nuns goodbye and almost ran out of the convent. She'd now hail a taxi and would get to Kid's in good time. As she reached the end of the street, she clumsily bumped against a man who was about to get into the street she was leaving. The force of the push was such that made the man fall on his backside and it was then that Lou recognized him. "Oh Vinnie! How clumsy of me!" she exclaimed, helping the man back to his feet.

Vinnie gave her a goofy smile and brushed his big hand over her face repeatedly. "Sister Louise, where have you been?"

"I live somewhere else now," she said, removing his hand from her face, but she didn't correct him in the use of her name. It would be too difficult to explain her new situation to somebody like Vinnie, who was practically a small child in his mind.

"That's too bad... too bad," Vinnie mumbled morosely. "Too bad... too bad."

Lou smiled sweetly and asked, "You going to see your sister?" The man nodded his head very slowly and Lou added, "Well, I won't delay you anymore. Come on, go."

Vinnie resumed his walking and before Lou continued her way, a female voice sounded next to her. "Hello, Louise."

Lou turned her eyes to the side and smiled at the woman who stood there. "Hi, Germaine. Nice to see you. How are you?"

"Fine... but my husband's not."

"What... what's wrong?" Lou asked, visibly concerned. Germaine was a devoted neighbor within the parish. Her husband had a chronic disease. He was also physically impaired, and being isolated on a fourth-floor apartment in a block with no elevator, his access to health care was very limited. Besides, the family's short economic means forced them to rely on charity in that department, and Louise had often gone to the man's address after being called with urgency.

"You know, winter doesn't sit well with him," Germaine replied with a contrite expression. "His sugar levels are sky high and he's been in bed for the last week. He can't keep anything in his stomach and I'm so scared for him."

"Has a doctor seen him?"

"You know what our situation is like, Louise. You're the only one who would come to see him."

Louise nodded. "Germaine, would you like me to have a look at him and see what is wrong?"

"Please. I'd be forever grateful to you."

Lou didn't hesitate a second and followed the woman. This was an emergency and required her prompt attention. She still had time and even though she might be a few minutes late to get home, Kid wouldn't mind. He would understand. Sure he would.

* * *

In his apartment Kid waited for Lou eagerly. He was feeling elated and completely excited. The night presented itself bright and hopeful, which was a change to his situation with Louise lately. Things with Lou weren't going as smoothly as he would want. It was natural. She had undergone a drastic change in her life and Kid was trying to be as understanding and patient as possible. Yet, he really wanted to feel that they were together and show the world his girl proudly. It was so strange that despite living together, they had so little contact. Kid hoped that this situation would eventually end for the better. They had only been together for a few weeks and he knew Lou still needed time to get over her past life.

Tonight they would finally enjoy a great night as a couple. Kid wanted everything to be perfect for her. He had even dropped by the mall and bought new clothes and shoes. She probably wouldn't care about that but still Kid wanted to look his best for his girl. After having a shower and sliding into his new shirt and pants, he had settled on his sofa and had even opened a bottle of wine to make the wait sweeter. He kept an eye on his clock on the wall. Five minutes. Ten. Fifteen. Half an hour. An hour. The hour turned into two. Three hours and four glasses of wine later, and Lou was nowhere nearer. At some point he had wondered if something might have happened to her, but then she had phoned, telling him briefly that she would be a bit late because something had come up. That had been a couple of hours ago and since then, nothing.

Kid rose to his feet and took the half-empty bottle of wine and his glass to the kitchen. Once there he shoved the opera tickets into the garbage, the same place all the others for different turned-down plans had ended up. Next time he'd ask her first before making plans or wasting his money foolishly. He was feeling very lonely and also irritated. How could he not? He just wanted to spend time with his girl, and it seemed an impossible task. Was that too much to ask from her? And if she didn't want to go out, she should have told him instead of arousing his hopes in vain.

As he sat back down on the sofa, his eyes darted to the clock again. Midnight. Where on heart was she at this time? As the thought entered his mind, he then heard the main door lock and despite his irritation he felt a sense of relief wash over him for finally having her home safe and sound.

Louise didn't get into the apartment straightaway. The light filtered under the door and she knew Kid was still up. The day couldn't have ended up worse. Her mind was totally flooded with all kinds of thoughts: Kathy, the people in Somalia, those in the neighborhood she wouldn't be able to help. She had sacrificed all that and until today she hadn't really understood how many people her decision had affected. Guilt coursed all over her and she felt she was living her worst agony... even worse than when she had been fighting her own feelings for Kid. Now there was no way back in her decision, and she wanted to declaim angrily why God had let her slip from His grasp like that.

Louise eventually decided to step into the apartment. Now on top of it all, she had to face Kid. She had stood him up and he would logically be very angry now. When she had gone to Germaine's apartment, she had realized that her husband was in a worse condition than she had first thought. Lou had examined him and clearly the man was in urgent need of treatment. Lou had made a few phone calls and arranged for Germaine's husband to be transported to a hospital. That had taken longer than she had expected and after staying with the upset woman for a while, she had left but by then it was too late.

As she walked into the living room, she saw him sitting on the sofa and by the pose of his body she knew that he was angry, and she had to admit he really had a right to feel like that. "Kid, I'm so sorry," she started in a mournful voice. "I had an emergency. I..."

Kid didn't let her finish and without turning his face to her, he said, "You sister called while you were out. She wants us to go for dinner at her place. I checked your schedule and I told her we would go next Saturday, but if you actually have other plans or an... emergency, you should call her."

Kid rose from the sofa and as he turned his eyes to Lou for the first time, he noticed her hurt expression. He cursed himself for being so heartless with his callous remark. It had been the anger talking through him, but he just felt unable to hurt her. So despite everything, he smiled sheepishly and coming closer to her, he gave her a little kiss on her cheek. "Don't go to bed too late. You need your rest," he whispered softly and then slipped out of the living room towards his bedroom. Lou stood there silently watching him walk away. When he disappeared inside his room, her lip quivered and bitter tears started to flood from her eyes, feeling at that moment like the most miserable woman in the whole world.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

The days that followed weren't easy at all. Louise struggled to keep her mind sound but the pain and regret did not let go away. Part of her conscience kept telling her that she had made the wrong decision and was now facing the consequences. Yet, another part insisted that she had done the right thing, especially when her heart was not totally devoted to God, but a big part belonged to Kid. Just thinking about Kid and what he meant in her life broke her apart. He was a good and honest person, and she loved him, really loved him. Louise was aware that she wasn't behaving like a good girlfriend, or at least one he deserved. The mental jumble she fought with continually kept her in a grim mood all the time and apart from that, she couldn't bring herself to be affectionate with him. Whenever he approached her in a loving mood, she simply let him cuddle her but she never put her heart in it, and if she had an especially bad day, she even pushed him away gruffly. Louise knew that Kid felt there was something wrong and the hurt looks he gave her when she treated him unkindly really broke her heart.

Lou had thought of talking to Kid but what could she tell him? She just couldn't blurt out that she thought he wasn't worth the sacrifice she had made. That would sound too wrong because actually that wasn't what she really meant. She was simply regretting having to take the step without considering what that decision had meant for others. She really wanted to be with Kid and enjoy their love, but how could she be happy and forget about the rest?

Louise wished she could talk to somebody about this, but she knew nobody would understand her. The girls from the clinic would surely tell her that she needed to focus on her man and stop worrying about something she didn't have any control about. On the other hand, if she talked to Marmee or one of her former sisters, they would say that she should have thought things through before doing anything. Louise didn't need to hear something she already knew. She'd like to talk to someone who could remain objective and give her unbiased advice but she couldn't think of anybody who could fit the requirements.

Despite her low spirits, Louise agreed to accept Theresa's invitation for dinner, so Saturday came and in the evening Kid drove his car to the place. Louise remained silent while he kept babbling on and on during the whole drive. Lou looked at him curiously. She didn't know whether he was nervous about going to Theresa's as her official boyfriend for the first time or what. In any case, he was never so talkative and right now Lou thought that it was amusing to see him like that, and if she were in a brighter mood, she would even laugh at it.

Kid stopped his car outside Theresa's block of apartments. Louise got out and he came closer to her, passing an arm around her shoulders. "Did I tell you how lovely you look tonight?" he whispered in her ear and pressed a kiss on her temple.

Louise forced a smile, but didn't say anything. She didn't think there was anything special about her or her looks. Actually, she was feeling rotten and couldn't understand how anybody could see her in a better light. In fact, she wasn't in the mood to socialize, not even with her sister, and she had simply thrown over herself the first thing she had come across in the wardrobe. Not that she had many clothes to choose from, but for once she had shed the jeans and had put on a blue straight skirt and a white blouse, nothing too fancy. Yet, when Kid had seen her appear, he had stared at her as if she was dressed like a princess. He was continually baffling her with his gestures and the way he treated her as if she were unique.

As they walked towards the entrance to the building, Louise leaned her body against him and muttered, "I'm not really in a very social mood."

"It'll be fun, you'll see," Kid replied. "Besides, you told me you were looking forward to seeing Annie."

"Yeah, that's true," Lou conceded. She hadn't seen her niece for almost two months and she felt remorseful that she had hardly seen Annie in her eighteen months of existence. Maybe now that her personal life had changed, she could find the time to be a constant presence for her niece.

Theresa lived on the second floor. The couple didn't bother to take the elevator but climbed the stairs. When they finally were in front of the door, Louise removed his arm from her shoulders before pressing the bell. Kid sent her a hurt look, but the gesture didn't surprise him. He was used to her shyness when they were with somebody else. As a matter of fact, she wasn't much more affectionate when they were alone for some reason, but at least she let him kiss or hug her whenever he had the opportunity. Kid thought that this was the strangest relationship he had ever been in, and it was becoming more and more difficult to be unaffected by Lou's strange moods. All he knew was that he loved her and wanted to do his best to make their love succeed.

A couple of minutes later the door opened and David appeared before them. He greeted them warmly and urged them to get inside. "Theresa's in the kitchen feeding Annie," he said as they walked inside.

Kid and Lou entered the kitchen. Annie was sitting on her high chair and Theresa was giving her the last spoonfuls of baby food. As soon as Louise stepped in, the baby started to get excited, kicking her legs against the structure of the chair and lifting her little arms to her aunt. "Considering how seldom she gets to see you, it's incredible she recognizes you," Theresa remarked with a harsh tone.

"That's because you love your auntie Lou, don't you, beautiful?" Louise replied, addressing the baby and ignoring the criticism behind her sister's words. She scooped Annie up in her arms and the girl giggled happily.

Theresa came closer to her sister and wiped Annie's mouth of food stains with her bib, which she then untied it from around her neck. While the younger woman tidied up the kitchen table, she kept watching the couple, who were happily absorbed in the baby. "You know," Theresa piped up, voicing her complaints again, "you flew the nest a month ago, and you haven't deigned to come and see us."

"Please, Tessie, don't start," Lou protested with a tired voice.

"She's been very busy, Theresa," Kid cut in.

Despite everything, Louise couldn't help but smile, pleased on hearing Kid taking her side. Theresa looked between the two of them and added in the same tone, "Yeah, she's always busy no matter what." She stopped briefly and studied her sister's figure for a few seconds, noticing her attire and her washed face. She shook her head as she said in a disapproval voice, "Lou, you might have left the convent, but you still look like a nun... and I don't want to imagine what you have on under those ugly clothes."

Louise was used to her sister's critical attitude, but sometimes she went too far in her opinions. Lou was red with irritation and embarrassment after Theresa's hint about her undergarments in front of Kid. Yet, she opted for keeping quiet and focused her attention on the girl in her arms. She heard David come into the kitchen and offer Kid a drink. The two men left for the living room, engaged in animated conversation as if they were old friends, and then Theresa turned to her sister and asked, "Lou, could you put Annie to bed while I finish cooking dinner?"

"Sure," Louise promptly replied and scurried out of the kitchen while talking to the girl in sweet tones. She was actually glad to escape the presence of her sister. Theresa could sometimes be too overbearing and acted as if she were the eldest sister and knew better than her. Lou didn't want to argue with her tonight, and if she stayed around Theresa, Lou was sure she wouldn't be able to stop her tongue from lashing out. Besides, she wasn't ready to answer her sister's curiosity but she knew that she just couldn't stall her and sooner or later she'd have to face her inquisitiveness.

In the nursery Louise changed Annie's diaper and put her in her crib. The baby protested, not wanting to sleep yet, and kept giggling and talking in her own language. With a very soft voice Louise started telling a self-invented tale. Annie watched her with eyes which matched Lou's in color and expressiveness. Little by little the baby's beautiful eyes drooped and she drifted to sleep. After that, Lou remained there, seated next to the crib as she watched her niece sleep peacefully, the most beautiful sight she could behold. For some reasons all her problems and the tumult she was going through lately seemed to vanish at this lovely view.

She didn't know how long she had stayed there when the door creaked open behind her and Kid's whispering voice resounded in the room. "Lou?" She turned her head to him as he said, "Theresa says dinner is ready." Lou nodded and rose to her feet while he came closer behind her. "She's beautiful," he whispered, "just like you."

Lou shook her head, overwhelmed by his continuous display of affection. She wasn't used to having someone fuss over her like that. It was kind of nice, but she felt strange and awkward. Nobody has ever taken so much interest in her, and Lou didn't know how to take all this.

Leaning over, Kid continued in a soft voice as they walked to the door, "Well, honey, one day we'll have one of our own."

Louise's eyes darted to him in shock as she exclaimed, "Don't you think you're going a bit too fast, Kid?"

On seeing her expression he chuckled amused. "Lou, I'm not saying we start planning a baby right now, but... don't tell me you have never thought about it." Her red cheeks answered his curiosity, which caused Kid to smile from ear to ear, and in a spontaneous gesture he planted a kiss on her still blushed cheek. "You're a sweet angel and I'm the luckiest man on earth."

As soon as the words escaped his lips, Lou felt her eyes itch and her chest constrained by strong pressure. However much she longed for it, she just couldn't bring herself to share his loving gestures. She wanted to tell him that she was the lucky one for having him, but she couldn't because she didn't feel lucky at all. Her moist eyes searched his, but Kid seemed unaware of the anguish she was going through. He simply kept grinning as they made their way to the dining room and Lou very much feared what the night had in store for her.

Despite her previous apprehension, Lou realized that her fears were groundless and the night was going much better than she had thought. She wasn't in very high spirits so she simply kept listening to the conversation going around the table, and answered only when one of the other three people addressed her directly. Theresa wasn't very talkative either and the conversation was practically hogged by the two men. At certain moments Lou had heard them half-heartedly or even switched off her attention when the topic hadn't interested her in the least, like now as Kid and David were talking about mortgages and housing rates.

"Yeah... actually, my current account is left trembling each month the bill comes through, but fortunately, I'm quite happy with my apartment, especially now," Kid said, pointedly shifting his eyes to Louise. The young woman stretched her lips in a strange smile, feeling very uncomfortable as she noticed her sister grinning mischievously in her direction.

"I wish I could afford a place like that," David replied. "This apartment is like a box of matches. My Annie is growing up too quickly and will soon need a bigger room than the nursery. And of course, the other one will need its space too."

The comment reached Lou's understanding this time and for once her interest perked up. "What other one?" she asked with a confused frown.

"The other baby we're going to have," Theresa explained with a pleased grin.

"What?" Lou exclaimed with a dumbfounded expression.

"Well, there's nothing to celebrate yet," Theresa clarified. "But there will be soon... we're trying... every day," she added, hooking her arm around her husband's and sharing an enticing look with him.

Kid smiled as he turned his gaze to Lou, who rolled her eyes as she added, "Please, Tessie, spare us the details." She paused briefly and feeling unable to keep quiet after her sister's revelation, she said, "Don't you think it's too soon for another baby? Annie's still too young."

"We don't want to wait. We're healthy and very much in love. We want to be parents again," Theresa replied and almost in a perfect choreography the married couple turned to each other and joined in a hot kiss.

Louise lowered her eyes to her plate and busied herself with the food. She hated it when Theresa and her husband made such demonstrations in front of her or others. It made Lou extremely uncomfortable and tonight because of her weird mood of lately, Lou was growing irritated. It was totally shameless that Kid had to bear that kind of tasteless show on top of it all. Theresa wasn't a teenager anymore and should stop behaving like one, but she and her husband were simply a lost cause.

"As I was saying," David continued after his wife let him be, "we'd really like to move... find a bigger place."

"The housing market isn't in its healthiest moment," Kid replied.

"Yeah, I know," David said, "but there's something that might work out for us." He paused briefly and then continued, "My mom retired last year. She's been living in a cottage in the country all her life... actually I was brought up there. It's a huge place... too big for her anyway. So she's mentioned she'd like to sell the cottage, get herself a smaller place and give us the rest of the sale money as a present. So that amount plus what we get from selling this apartment will be enough to buy a more comfortable home."

"That's nice of Caroline," Lou conceded and after a beat she asked, "So, David, is your mom coming to live near you? I thought she wasn't the city type."

"I don't really know," David admitted. "I doubt she will, but you never know with my mother. She's unpredictable... so much that I don't even know when she'll come back."

"Come back?" Lou repeated with curiosity.

Despite Theresa's attempts to catch her husband's eyes and stop him in time, David finally blurted out what his wife most feared, "From Argentina. She and my aunt Rita traveled there three months ago and have stayed there since then. And every time I talk to her on the phone, she never mentions she had any intention to return."

If looks could kill, Theresa would be dead right now as Lou shot her eyes to her. The two sisters kept a silent, angry challenge while the two men shifted their eyes between them, noticing the tension but unsure of what all this stemmed from. Lou was the first one to avert her glance and looked at Kid. "Have you finished with that?" she asked him with an unkind tone, pointing at his plate.

"Yeah, but..." He couldn't finish the sentence as Lou unceremoniously picked up his plate and cutlery together with her own and marched to the kitchen with a proud and angry expression.

Theresa sighed wearily and after sending her husband an annoyed look, she scrambled to her feet and followed her sister to the kitchen. "Lou..." she called but she got no answer. "Lou..." The only sounds she heard were the clanking of forks and plates and as she entered the kitchen, she saw Louise, scraping the leftovers off the plates into the bin. "Lou, I'm sorry, but..."

"I'm not talking to you," Louise cut her off unkindly, turning from Theresa and leaving the plates inside the sink.

"Please let me explain."

"Explain what?" Lou barked at the top of her voice as she swirled around towards her younger sister. "I needed your help... I was desperate and had nowhere to go. And you... you turned me down with a bunch of lies as if I were a mangy dog! I've never been so hurt and disappointed with somebody in my whole life!"

"I just wanted to help, honestly," Theresa tried once again, "I thought I could help you to get close to Kid."

"What happens between Kid and me is my business!" Lou continued in the same angered tone. "We're fine and don't need your meddling or anybody else's."

Lou's unreasonable attitude was making Theresa very irritated, and naturally her own quick temper instantly matched her sister's. "Ha! Fine? Don't make me laugh!" Theresa exclaimed sarcastically. "You all but look and behave like two asexual Muppets! And all because of you! Poor man! You must be giving him a very hard time. I'm sure he isn't getting any!"

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" Louise cried in a shrill voice, pointing a threatening finger in her direction.

"Lou, when are you going to grow up and stop being such a prude!"

"That's it! I'm leaving!" Lou announced in a furious tone and before Theresa had the chance to retort, she stomped out of the kitchen. As she crossed the dining room, she turned her eyes to the two men who had been listening to the heated argument between the two sisters in stunned silence. Lou addressed Kid in a firm voice. "You can stay if you want. I'm leaving!"

Before Kid could react, Louise had reached the door and dashed out, slamming it close behind her. It took him a few seconds to mumble an apology to his two hosts, pick up Lou's bag and their coats and then run out after her. When he got out of the building, Louise was feet ahead of him, diligently heading for the end of the street. "Lou! Lou!" he called in a loud voice, which made her stop. When he caught up with her, he wrapped her coat around her shoulders and asked, "Lou, where the heck are you going?"

"Home," she stated, the anger making her voice tremble. "You don't need to come with me. I'm perfectly capable of finding the way to your apartment on my own."

Kid stared at her with a concerned expression. She was so distraught that she was almost in tears. Maybe he was wrong, but he didn't think Theresa's stunt was such a big deal. In fact, Kid suspected that this matter had simply triggered the explosion that had been bubbling in Lou over the last weeks. Kid knew that she wasn't fine, which worried him deeply. Kid, however, hadn't wanted to press or crowd her, hoping that she would sort out those issues, but as weeks went by and there was no change in her, the worry had settled in his soul and didn't let him be.

"Lou, what's wrong with you?" he asked, referring to her current mood more than the matter with Theresa.

"Didn't you hear my dear sister?" she replied sarcastically in the same loud tone as she slid her arms in the coat sleeves. "She lied to me and consciously left me in the lurch when I most needed her."

"Lou, you had me and I thought you were comfortable living at my place."

"That's not the point!"

Kid didn't want to argue in the middle of the street, especially about something that wasn't his business directly, when there were more urgent matters that they should talk about. "Come on, let's get in the car."

"Kid, you don't need to cut the night short because of me. Go back there and enjoy the rest of that dinner."

He sent her a look that clearly implied that he didn't want to hear any more senseless protests. "Get in the car, all right?"

They walked back to the vehicle in silence and once they were inside, Kid made no attempt to start the ignition. Lou turned her eyes to him in confusion but he kept his attention fixed on the windshield without moving a single muscle. After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, he finally asked out of the blue, "Lou, are you happy?"

"What?"

This time Kid shifted his body on the seat so that they were face to face. "I just want to know if you're happy."

"Of course I am. Why do you have to ask?"

"Well, for starters, you don't look very happy to me, and I don't mean just today," Kid explained fixing his blue eyes in her dark ones. "I can't help but wonder what I'm doing wrong with you. When you're in a relationship, you expect to make your girl happy, but I haven't seen you smile or laugh for a long time, and I want to know why. You know we used to joke around and laugh so much when we were just friends, but now you always look so sad. I miss the old Lou, the one who always had a smile on her face and made me laugh."

Louise lowered her eyes, feeling totally mortified. She was fully aware that her strange mood was more than noticeable, but hearing now that all this was affecting Kid was breaking her inside. "This... this isn't easy for me," she muttered, not daring to meet his eyes.

"I know that, Lou, and I try to understand you, but sometimes it feels as if being with me were some kind of torture."

Lou felt the tears moist her eyes and lifting her hurt gaze to him, she voiced her worst fear, which was becoming more real and tangible tonight. "Are... are you breaking up with me?" she finally asked in a trembling voice.

"No! Of course not!" Kid exclaimed as he brought his hand to stroke the back of her neck. "Never, Lou. I love you," he added in a softer tone. "I just want to know what's bothering you... why I can't make you happy."

"It's not you, Kid. Honestly," Lou replied, feeling an immense sense of relief on hearing him. "You know I decided to leave everything because I wanted... I want to be with you. I chose you because I realized that was what I had to do. Yet, I can't help to feel I've lost something."

Kid nodded. "Lou, I know I can't really come close to understanding what all this has meant to you. I just want you to come to me and share your problems and concerns with me. That's all."

"I'll try," Lou replied in a small voice. She wasn't sure if she could promise Kid what he was requesting from her. How could she tell him that her mind kept harassing with the idea that she had made a mistake? If she told him that part of her soul regretted her decision, it just would break his heart, and he didn't deserve something like that.

Kid shifted his body so he was closer to her and said, "Come on, Lou. Give me a little smile." Louise reluctantly obeyed and spread her lips in a strange, tense gesture and Kid added, "I'm sure you can do better than that." She tried again and this time she managed to smile more naturally. Kid grinned happily and exclaimed, "That's my girl. I guess you deserve a little reward now."

He leaned over and met her lips in a soft kiss that gradually grew in intensity. Louise joined him with the same rapture, eager to show him that despite everything she really loved him. She was usually quite passive in her brief love encounters, every time feeling that accusing eyes were looking down on her from high above. Maybe it was because she was tormented by guilt at the notion that she enjoyed his kisses and scarce caresses more than she was ready to admit. Yet, now she felt differently; she wanted to quiet her disturbing thoughts, and at the same time show him that she was worthy of his affection. Tonight she had feared she would lose him so much that her own pride urged her to prove him and herself that she wasn't a second-class woman, that she could be exciting and passionate like other girls.

Her hand hooked on his nape as her fingers played with his hair. Without being aware of what she was doing, her lips opened to give him freer access and Kid didn't hesitate to deepen the kiss as he moaned in pleasure against her mouth. His body was practically on top of her but he kept his hands clenched on the leather backrest of her seat for fear that they might wander off to places they shouldn't.

Suddenly, a strong bang against the window next to him startled them and the couple pulled away at once, both panting and breathless. It was then that they saw Theresa's face smiling at them on the other side of the glass. While Kid pressed the button to roll down the glass, Lou leaned against her seat, feeling her cheeks flame with embarrassment and also from the passionate kisses. "Just came to let you know that dessert will be ready in ten minutes," Theresa said, looking at her sister pointedly. "But of course... you can make out for a few minutes until then."

Kid and Lou tried to say something, but all they managed was to stammer like two shy teenagers. Theresa burst out laughing as she said, "I gather I was wrong, and you have more life than two Muppets." Her eyes searched her sister's, trying to make her see that this was her way to apologize. Lou realized that she wasn't angry anymore, and her lips formed a smile, implying that everything was forgotten from her part.

When Theresa scurried away back into her building, Kid turned to Lou and with a mischievous glitter in his eyes, he asked, "So where were we?"

He tried to capture her lips once again but Lou pushed him off gently, and folding her arms over her chest, she said, "Kid, don't. What's my sister going to think?"

"Lou, she already saw more than she should. And we have her blessing to continue with what we were doing."

"Kid, this isn't funny," she protested with a long face. "This is too embarrassing. And I don't need her blessing to kiss you."

"Then what are you waiting for?" he replied, again crawling closer to her. He brushed his index finger along her jaw line as he added in a husky voice. "I'm sure you are a more delicious dessert than the one your sister has prepared, but we don't want to offend her, do we?" Louise kept silent, staring at him and Kid insisted, "Come on, Lou. Let me have a little bite of you... just a little one." Louise couldn't help but smile at his teasing, and her eyes finally closed just at the same moment his lips joined hers once again in a longing, hungry kiss.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

His body was perched on a stool while his eyes were intent on the spinning motions of his finger round the edge of his glass of beer. It was still early in the evening and there were just a few customers in the bar. At some point Kid felt suffocated in the stuffy atmosphere of the place and loosened his elegant tie. He had left work only half an hour ago and not being in the mood to go home yet, he had found himself in the bar a few yards from the hospital. He was feeling very lonely, and all his thoughts went to the same person they did all the time, Lou.

Despite their conversation the night they had been to Theresa's, the situation between them hadn't changed at all. She was still in a continuous somber mood and when he tried to ask her, she simply brushed him off, telling him that everything was fine. Seeing her like this was breaking him inside, and it was totally frustrating not to be able to do anything about it. If she didn't let him help her, what else could he do? He didn't even know what the problem was. Yeah, things weren't easy for her but he knew that there was more to it than met the eye. Kid feared that the relationship would go from bad to worse, and one day they might end up having nothing in common or feeling bitter about each other. This was supposed to be the best stage in a relationship, when a couple started to walk the first steps together, when everything was fresh, tender and exciting, when there were no big problems. All that was lacking in the situation he was living with Lou. They had been together for less than two months but Kid could only bring to mind a few times when they had really been fine.

The doctor had a swig of his beer and it was then that new voices sounded behind him as a few more men entered the bar. Lost in his own world, Kid didn't realize who they were until a strong arm fell over his hunched back. He turned his head to one side to see Cody's smiling face and next to him stood Jimmy, Buck and Ike. "Kid, my friend," Cody said, "What are you doing here? We thought that you'd be with your better half."

Kid didn't try to reply and after his friends ordered their drinks from the bartender, he followed them to a nearby table. Kid hadn't come to the place looking for company, but now that his colleagues were there, he thought that their usually boisterous presence would steer him off from his grim thoughts. "Where's Lou then?" Jimmy asked breezily.

"Who knows?" Kid replied with a bitter expression which didn't go unnoticed by any of his friends.

Jimmy frowned and after exchanging a look with the other four men, he remarked, "I thought you two were regular love birds."

"We are," Kid promptly replied and thinking about what he had said, he corrected himself, "or we were, I don't know."

"But is everything all right?" Ike asked cautiously.

"No, nothing's all right... not at all."

"What's the problem, Kid?" Buck asked this time and when his friend didn't reply straightaway, he added, "That is... if you want to tell us."

Kid still took a few more seconds before answering his question. "She... she's changed. She's not the same woman I met and fell in love with. She's always in low spirits, depressed and almost on the verge of tears."

"Are you saying that you're not in love with her anymore?" Jimmy asked again, his voice tinged with serious concern.

"No!" Kid exclaimed with a hurt expression. "Of course not! I love her no matter what... when she's happy, sad or angry. It's just ... I feel so powerless to see her look so miserable and not be able to do anything to help her. I don't know if I am the problem or what."

"Have you talked to her?" Ike asked now.

"Yeah... she just says that this isn't easy for her," Kid explained. "And I do understand that, really, but time passes and she looks worse and worse with each passing day. And I've also noticed that she gets upset if I talk about the matter, so I've just stopped asking her."

"Maybe she just needs more time," Cody offered.

"Yeah, maybe," Kid let out unenthusiastically. He sighed wearily and added, "I always thought that if by some miracle Lou became part of my life, I would be the happiest man on earth. I knew things would be difficult in the beginning, but I never thought it would be like this." He stopped briefly and continued almost immediately, "Besides, I hardly get to see her. She's never home. She always has something to do in the evenings. Twice a week she works as a volunteer in a shelter, a couple of days more she goes to a social hall and ... well, I've lost count of everything she does. Except spending time with me, she does everything and more. And then when she gets home, either it's too late or we simply have a quick dinner and she goes directly to her room."

"Her room?" Cody asked with a surprised frown. "You mean that you and her don't ..."

"No... we're practically just room mates, but that's not really the worst problem for me," Kid admitted. "We never do anything together. We don't even go out. The last and only time we had some kind of date was when we went to her sister's for dinner and that was weeks ago. I just want to spend time with her and talk... try to understand how I can help her." He paused for a few seconds and added as a reflection to himself, "Maybe my mistake was to ask her to move in with me. If she lived somewhere else, we'd have to find the time to meet. But now I can't just ask her to leave and ... besides, I don't want her to go."

"Kid," Buck piped up after his friend's long soliloquy. "You know that Jane came to live with me for some time after she had Francis. We never got to do anything in those weeks, and now that she's living back in her old apartment things haven't changed between us." Buck mentally admitted that the situation was just as he was describing because Jane had stopped all his attempts to come closer, but his hope was that his perseverance will eventually pay off. "What I mean, Kid, is that you don't have to put the blame on the circumstances."

"Buck, our case is quite different. Lou and I are already a couple."

There was a lengthy silence after Kid's comment and then Jimmy started, "Kid, I know what you're saying. I've noticed those changes you mention when we work together. What I think, Kid, is that Lou is kind of grieving."

"Grieving?" Kid repeated with a frown.

"Grieving for the person she has left behind... herself," Jimmy explained. "My impression is that she is still trying to figure out who she is now... and on top of it all, she has to deal with her relationship with you... and you have to admit that personal relations could be totally mind-boggling, especially for somebody with her past history."

"I guess that makes sense," Kid replied thoughtfully.

"I imagine," Buck continued, "that she is clueless about what being in a relationship involves since she's been out of circulation so to speak. Maybe it would be a good idea for you two hang around other couples... let her see others in action."

"Buck, she's made it clear that she doesn't want any action," Kid protested.

"For Pete's sake, Kid, is the lack of sex going to your head or what?" Buck exclaimed. "You know what I mean!"

"I don't know."

"Kid," Ike piped up, "Emily and I are going away the weekend after next. We've rented a cottage in the country for the whole weekend. Why don't you come with us? Lou and Emily get on quite well, and you know after what happened with her father, from time to time Emily does some volunteer work in the same social hall Lou does. So I think Lou will feel comfortable with her, and I'm sure the time away will do her good."

Kid kept thoughtful for a few minutes. "Actually, she's free that weekend," he admitted. "But Ike, I don't want to ruin your romantic weekend. Knowing Emily, she might kill me for getting in the middle."

"Oh, I'm sure she won't mind," Ike promptly reassured him. "She's also worried about Lou, so if we could help..."

"Well, then I guess you got yourselves a couple of companions for that weekend," Kid finally said, which was received by smiles from the rest of his friend. "Now I just have to convince Lou about it, and, believe me, it's not going to be easy... not at all."

* * *

Louise looked at her wrist watch as she stood before the main door to the apartment. Half-past twelve a.m. It was very late. In fact, she could have been back a couple of hours ago, but she had volunteered alongside two other members of the association to collect for the food bank from a warehouse on the outskirts from the city and bring it back to the social hall. Lou knew that if she were still in the convent, she couldn't have offered to do this little job. Community life in the sisterhood was very important and she had always made sure that she spent time with her sisters, sharing dinner and conversation before going to bed.

Guiltily, Louise had to admit that consciously or not she avoided being in Kid's apartment. She didn't know if she was afraid of being with him alone or it was something else. His mere presence demanded so much from her, something she didn't think she could give him. Lately she couldn't stop thinking about the same over and over again. Her current situation crowded her. The guilt of her decision nagged her continuously, a deep sensation of strangeness was constant in her everyday life and apart from that, past memories came to haunt her now, making her fear that she would never be the woman Kid needed. Louise wished she could overcome all that and be the happy soul she had always been. Why was it so difficult to find her place in her new routine? Every day she woke up with the firm intention to refocus her perspective and forget about what-ifs, but she simply felt unable to do so. What was worse, she knew that with her behavior and glumness she was making Kid miserable, which added up to her own misery. Lou was aware than sooner or later he would get tired of her and end up leaving her, so her whole soul was already readying itself for the moment she would receive that tremendous blow.

After rummaging in her knapsack for a few seconds, she found her key and let herself in. The apartment was almost in total darkness but she didn't bother to switch on the light. She left her bag on the floor when suddenly a voice resounded behind her. "Hi."

Louise almost jumped out of her skin and as she turned to Kid, she exclaimed, "You scared me to death!"

Kid's hand reached for the light switch and turned it on. "Sorry, honey," he muttered sheepishly. "It wasn't my intention."

Lou didn't reply to his comment at once and after a few seconds she asked, "What are you doing up so late?"

"What do you think? Waiting for you, of course," he replied as his arms came to wrap her petite body and draw her towards him. He planted a light kiss on her unresponding lips and added, "I have a proposition for you."

"A proposition?" Lou echoed, intrigued by his words.

"How would you like to spend a whole weekend in the country?" he said with a big smile.

"What are you talking about?" she asked as she disengaged herself from his hold.

"Ike and Emily have rented a cottage for the weekend after the next. He asked me if we'd like to join them. Of course I told him that I'd talk to you first. I know you're free that weekend, and it could be fun. Emily is a good friend of yours, isn't she?"

"Uh... yeah, but I imagine she'd rather spend that time with her boyfriend," Lou replied with a vague tone.

"Like I want to spend it with my girlfriend," Kid added pointedly. "Don't you want that too, Lou?"

"Yeah... of course," she replied to his challenging question, feeling that his comment had a deeper, accusing meaning.

"Lou, we're busy people and can't devote the time we should to our relationship. I really long to be with you without schedules, plans or duties... just doing nothing but with you."

Louise knew that even though he had included himself in the package, it was her that was always busy and it was her fault that they didn't get to spend time together. "Yeah, I know," she simply said.

"Please, Lou, say yes. Don't make other plans and let's spend a rural weekend together. The change of scenery will do us good. Please."

Her first impulse had been to refuse and make up an excuse. She didn't know why, but her whole being seemed intent to refuse everything that came from him as if he was the temptation she shouldn't fall into. Yet, his begging eyes and voice made her stop and consider his proposition. He might be right. The change of scenery might be beneficial to her tumultuous soul and thus she could actually feel what it was like to be in a relationship. Even though she had been with Kid for almost two months now, she couldn't say she was experiencing a couple's way of living. She knew that couples did more than what they did and she didn't mean their physical relations. Despite her reticence to get intimate with Kid, paradoxically she had realized that their relationship was kind of physical, which was limited to sharing some scarce kisses. They never talked seriously except about household matters or work, or went out. Of course Lou was aware that it was her fault since for some strange reason she was avoiding, if not him, doing things with him. Maybe it was time she overcame her strange fears and tried to be happy with Kid. As soon as she removed those fears and other elements that disturbed her, she could really enjoy this relationship because she loved him with all her soul. This weekend out would be a good opportunity for that and to get to know each other better. So despite her apprehensions, Lou found herself nodding her agreement, which instantly made Kid feel like the happiest man on the surface of earth.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

Kid drove his car behind Ike's along narrow roads which led to a forested area of pines and chestnut trees. The radio was on and he happily kept humming with every tune the radio DJ played. Next to him Lou silently watched the beautiful landscape whiz past the car window. Kid kept sending her looks and every time his eyes fell upon her face, he couldn't help but smile. He had feared that she would back out at the last minute, but thankfully she had gone along and last night she had come home earlier to pack for their weekend away. Lou was still cold and melancholic, but Kid hoped that the time they got to spend together would do them good.

After driving for about twenty minutes, Kid stopped the car next to Ike's and both he and Lou slid out. They approached the other couple while watching the house before which they had parked the vehicles.

"Do you call this a cottage?" Kid asked Ike with a smile as his eyes ran over the magnificent house. It was a huge red-brick bungalow with wide latticed windows and a pointed gabled roof. A veranda surrounded the porch at the front and there was a gate leading to a large garden at the back.

"You know," Ike replied, "even in the country I like to be comfortable."

"You bet," Kid said without averting his eyes from the impressive house.

"Come on! Let's get inside!" Emily exclaimed as she hooked her arm around Lou's and steered her forward. The men stayed behind picking up their luggage from the trunks of their cars.

As they entered the house, Louise wrapped her coat tighter around her body as she felt a bitter chill in the air, "It's cold in here," she said.

"Yeah, you're right. We'll have to turn the heat on before we freeze," Emily replied as her eyes swept through the sitting room in search of the thermostat. When she located it, she diligently switched the valve and without another word, she disappeared into the corridor to do the same job in the rest of the house.

The men came in, and Kid walked straight to Lou. "Do you like it?" Louise nodded. The living room was luxuriously decorated. In the middle of it there were two plush, leather sofas, placed perpendicular to each other. A long mahogany table stood in the corner, surrounded by wood-carved chairs and at the far end there were French windows through which they could see the neat lawn of the garden.

Kid rested a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lovingly and said, "You'll see, Lou. We're gonna have so much fun this weekend we might want to have a repeat from time to time."

"Yes," she simply said with a smile.

Suddenly, Emily's voice boomed from the corridor she had disappeared into minutes before. "Come on, guys! Time to choose the bedrooms!"

"Let's go," Ike urged.

Kid and Lou followed their friend and as they walked into the corridor, they saw Emily's head pop out from inside one of the two doors lined along the wall. "Sorry, guys. I already chose this one," she said with a wink. "Next time you'll have to be quicker."

At her words they stopped and watched Ike meet Emily before they disappeared into the bedroom she had picked. Kid opened the only other door in the corridor and Lou followed him with certain apprehension. As her eyes fell on the double bed in the middle of the room, her breath got caught and her face blanched.

Kid noticed her expression at once and coming closer to her, he said, "Lou, don't worry. I'm not planning anything funny. I didn't know there were only two bedrooms in the house. We'll just sleep but if you still don't feel comfortable, I can sleep on the sofa." He looked at her, hoping to hear her say that it was fine for her to share the bed with him, that he needn't spend the night in the living room. Strangely enough, that was something he longed for with his whole heart. Of course he was longing to have a passionate night with her, but he was willing to wait until she was ready. So now all he wanted was to fall asleep feeling her body next to his.

Despite the silent question in his eyes, Lou never said a word either way. She silently removed her coat as she was already feeling the heat kick on, and started unpacking their case and placing the few garments they had brought in the closet and the different drawers in the dresser. Kid sighed wearily and came to help her in the task.

After a few minutes, Emily knocked on the opened door and as the couple turned their eyes to her, she said, "Guys, I have a surprise."

"What?" Kid questioned with a frown.

"Don't ask, Dr. Kydd. Just follow me. Trust me, you'll love it," Emily replied with a big smile and without further ado she turned on her heel and walked out. Lou and Kid exchanged a curious look before they followed her out of the bedroom. They crossed the living room, went through the French windows into the garden and headed for an adjacent building to the house on the left-hand wing. As soon as Emily opened the small door, the smell hit Lou and she started to tremble like a leaf. Reluctantly she walked into the building after Emily and as her eyes ran through the place, she started feeling sick and nauseous.

"Wow!" Kid exclaimed as he came closer to the edge of the swimming pool where his friend stood. "Ike, you really outdid yourself. A covered pool... this is far more than simply comfortable."

"Well, nothing's too much for my girl," the anesthesiologist replied, kissing Emily on her cheek.

Kid smiled and almost automatically his eyes looked for Lou, who had not moved an inch from the door. She was having a hard time controlling the thousands of sensations crowding and suffocating her. It was quite warm inside the building, but she actually felt very cold, so her arms quickly folded over her chest, trying to keep the warmth in her body. That, though, wasn't her worst problem. It was the smell... the putrid smell of blood that filled her nostrils and the horrid sensation that her skin was dripping down her entire body. _'It's just a swimming pool, nothing else,'_ she kept repeating mentally but her words did not have any effect on her, and the terrifying sensations multiplied and she thought that she was going to throw up at any moment.

"Lou, are you all right?"

Kid's voice woke her from that momentary isolation and noticing his concerned look, she made an almost supernatural effort to brush aside the alarms in her head and with a squeaky voice she said, "Uh... yeah... I ... I just need to go to the bathroom."

Without waiting for his answer, she swirled around and ran out of the building like a bat out of hell. She didn't stop until she reached the bedroom and once there she got inside the en-suite bathroom and locked the door behind her. As her trembling fingers stripped her body off her clothes, she started crying. Everything smelled of blood... her skin, her clothes, her hair. Clumsily she stumbled into the shower and switched on the hot water faucet. The water fell over her head, burning her skin, but she didn't notice. The sobs shook her body as little by little the terrible smell that had clung to her figure finally disappeared.

* * *

Later in the day the two couples went for a walk in the forested area surrounding the house. Spring had started a couple of weeks ago and nature showed the glorious splendor of the change of seasons. The trees in bloom greeted them warmly and the aroma of flowers filled the air in perfect harmony. The atmosphere was cold despite the bright sun shining above them. Its rays were still too weak to warm the earth, but all in all, the day couldn't have been more lovely and beautiful.

Kid and Lou walked ahead hand in hand while Ike and Emily lagged behind since every few steps they stopped for a kiss or a cuddle. Kid was jealous of their spontaneity and wished he could do the same with Lou, but he did not want to press her. This was her weekend and she would be the one to take the initiative in anything she wanted. He knew that she was kind of shy in her shows of affection when there were others around, and Kid just didn't want to start the weekend on the wrong foot by embarrassing her. At least, she had willingly held his hand as they had started their stroll.

At some point, Kid turned his head behind his back and noticed that the other couple was not following them, so he stopped and with a gentle motion he brought her body towards him and his lips covered hers, moving over her sweet mouth tenderly but at the same time hungrily. Lou responded to his kisses, wanting to put all her heart in her man and stop the voices that had been screaming in her head since that morning. When the kiss finished, he rested his forehead against hers and whispered, "I was so looking forward to kissing you." Lou gave him a small smile, feeling unable to say anything. Kid passed an arm around her waist while she slid hers round his back and they continued walking in that posture. They strolled in silence for a few minutes and after a while, Kid directed his eyes to her and asked, "Lou, are you all right? I don't know why but I have the sensation you're a bit jittery since we got here."

"I'm fine," she said, hating herself with each lie she told him. She had already had to make up a story why she had decided to have a shower out of the blue when she had reappeared from the bathroom.

"I just want you to enjoy this weekend, Lou," Kid continued, "and I'd hate it if you felt uncomfortable for some reason."

Louise sent him a strange look, wondering whether he was hinting at something she wasn't ready to talk about. Yet, when she looked into his blue eyes, she only saw real concern for her and realized that she had nothing to fear. "I will, Kid. Actually, I'm already having fun. This is so beautiful."

She had every intention of enjoying herself and making up for all those weeks she had been a total nuisance to Kid. Of course just thinking of the swimming pool made all her good intentions go to rack and ruin, but she told herself that she was going to fight against it with all her might. She couldn't let a place affect her so much. It was childish, but the truth was that she was terrified and had no control whatsoever about that hidden part in her life.

At her words Kid smiled and squeezed her waist, bringing her closer to him. "You know something, Lou? When I was a child, we used to live in the country... on a big farm in Virginia."

"Your family owned a farm?" Lou asked, genuinely interested. Kid never talked much about his family, and Louise would really like to know more about the man she loved.

"No... my father worked on a farm estate as a foreman. I really loved it there, the unpolluted air, the fresh food grown on the farm and I especially liked giving a hand to the grooms with the horses. Unfortunately, we left when I was ten."

"Why?"

Kid didn't reply straightaway and took his time to choose the words. "My... my father was a ... terrible man. He never treated us right and spent all the family money on booze and other stuff. One day he walked out and never came back. So we had to go to live somewhere else... closer to my mother's folks." Louise fixated her eyes in his, feeling a sudden affinity with him. She could guess what he wasn't saying. Her own father had been a shameful spot in her life. As far as she knew, he was still alive, happy with his other family, but she hadn't seen him for many years and didn't have any desires to see him. Almost as a gut reaction, her fingers squeezed Kid's back at the same time as he added, "But let's not ruin this beautiful day next to my girl with bad memories." He smiled his special smile and for once Louise matched his bright expression. "You know something else? From time to time I feel the temptation to move out of the city and come to live in the country."

Louise looked at his skeptically. "Who? You, Mr. King of the Road?"

Kid chuckled at her comment. "Oh come on, Lou. Cut me some slack with the matter," he said, beaming at the realization that she looked more relaxed and was actually joking with him.

"I only say what I see," Lou continued.

"Well, if I'm the King of the Road, then you must be my queen, uh? Last time I checked you were sitting by my side in the car, and you never complained or asked to take the bus instead," Kid replied and as she scrunched her face in mocking discontent, he laughed and placed a soft kiss on the wrinkle between her brows, which formed without fail whenever she was peeved. When he sobered, he said, "Lou, wouldn't you like to live in a cute, cozy house with a nice garden and a beautiful view... you know, far from the madding crowd?" When Louise didn't answer and threw him a weird look, he hurried to add, "Lou, I don't mean to spook you, and I'm not trying to rush you. I am simply curious about what you think the future holds for the two of us."

"I... I don't know," she muttered, the feelings of awkwardness coming over her full-force once again. "I was... I was so sure about what I'd be doing in the coming years... but now... I never think about ... that."

"You only think about the past," Kid stared, which gained him a hurt look from her. "Lou, I don't mean it in a bad way, honestly. I want to think that you'll be in my life five, ten, twenty years from now. I'm not saying that you go that far ahead, but maybe it's time you started fixing your attention on what you really want in life."

His words didn't sit well with her, who perceived them as a direct criticism. His tone sounded condescending, something she hated with her whole heart, and naturally her quick temper made its appearance. "I'm not a child, Kid, and I do know what I have to do. I don't need you to give me lessons."

Kid cursed himself for making her angry. His comment had come all wrong and he had clumsily offended her. "Lou, I didn't mean it like that! I was just asking your opinion and intentions because I care for you... We never talk and I don't even know what you plan to do when you finish the fellowship."

"That's my problem and not yours," Lou retorted unkindly.

Kid's mouth fell on hearing her words and he felt very hurt. She seemed to be so alien and distant that he could hardly find the words to say. He wanted to think that they were a team, a couple, and would have a common project for the future, but her comment made him think that she was in another orbit, on another ship.

On her part, Lou regretted her remark as soon as it escaped her lips, especially when she saw his pained expression. She wanted to apologize or at least say something, but when she was about to speak, Emily and Ike caught up with them, purposely running against them among giggles and interrupting the moment.

The two couples had lunch at an inn in the nearby village, which consisted of scattered houses here and there and a white-washed church. The inn was run by a German couple who served the cuisine typical in their native land. The four friends enjoyed a nice, caloric meal as they chatted amicably. After their disagreement, Kid and Lou hadn't addressed each other and simply kept their attention on their friends. Louise longed for a moment with Kid alone because she needed to apologize for her outrageous behavior, so when they finally returned to the house that afternoon, and Emily and Ike scurried towards their bedroom, she said, "Kid..." He looked at her questioningly and she added, "I want to apologize for snapping at you before. I'm really sorry."

"I have to apologize too, Lou," he replied, taking a few steps closer. "I need to respect your right to keep things to yourself. I don't want to crowd you... honestly."

"I know," Louise admitted. "And I really want to share everything with you... I just don't know what came over me."

"Let's just forget about it then," Kid said with a smile as he clutched her hand and brought it to his lips. "We'll go step by step."

"Hey, guys, what do you think?" Emily's voice sounded in the living room, interrupting them once again. When the couple turned to her, the young woman spun around to show the skimpy bikini she had on. "It's the latest fashion," she added proudly. The blue spotted top consisted of two triangles of flimsy material, covering her breasts, joined together by very thin straps, and the matched bottom was very low-waisted, accentuating her curves and the piercing on her bellybutton. Louise thought that Emily had a really nice figure but that bikini was almost indecent. She shouldn't be flaunting her body in front of a man who wasn't her boyfriend, Lou pondered annoyed, but she opted for keeping her opinion to herself.

"You're stunning," Ike said as he came behind her, wearing swimming trunks and a towel over his shoulder. On hearing his compliment, Emily smiled from ear to ear and turning her eyes to her friends, she announced what Lou had feared all day long.

"Guys, let's go for a swim in the pool!" Before anybody could reply to her suggestion, she added, "And don't say you didn't bring swim wear because I sorted that out. I took the liberty of buying a pair more for you two." Emily showed them the bag from a reputed lingerie store that contained the garments and noticing Louise's pale and unhappy face, she added, "Don't worry, Lou. I didn't get you the same model as mine. I thought you'd be more comfortable in an elegant black swimsuit."

"I... I don't think I'm in the mood," Louise tried faintly.

"Oh Lou, don't be such a bore. And if you need to shave your legs or anything else, there's a package of disposable razors in the medicine cabinet," Emily continued, consciously covering all the excuses Lou might come up with.

"It'll be fun, honey," Kid added.

Lou was practically panicking in her insides at the mere thought of going back to the swimming pool. Her heart was pounding as if somebody was drumming powerfully and she felt her body was sweating in excess. "I... I...it's too cold."

"Nonsense!" Emily exclaimed, brushing her opinion off with a swipe of her hand. "It's a heated pool and we all noticed how hot it was inside the building." She paused briefly and looking Lou directly in her eyes, Emily asked, "Or is it you don't even dare to appear in a swimsuit before your boyfriend?"

Lou could hear the challenging tone in Emily's voice and her proud nature made her react unblinkingly to her friend, "Of course not!"

"Good then!" Emily exclaimed and picking her towel up from one of the sofas, she added, "Let's go, Ike. We'll wait for them there."

Minutes later and with trembling fingers Louise slid into the swimsuit that Emily had bought for her. She kept repeating to herself that she shouldn't make a fuss about the matter because it wasn't such a big deal. It was just a swimming pool... only that, and she didn't even have to go close to the water. Even though going back there was going to be a torture for her soul, she would turn up if only to shut Emily up. Then she'd make an excuse and go back to the house. Plain and simple. Yet, Lou knew that things weren't that easy. The feel of the lycra on her skin was already making her go through hell and just the thought of having to go to that place made her tremble from head to foot. She hadn't been close to a swimming pool in over fifteen years, and she hated that she had to face her worst fears in the weekend she and Kid were going to spend together for the first time.

With a sigh Louise threw a sun dress Emily had lent her over the black swimsuit. She was feeling out of breath as she walked out of the bedroom with apprehension. She had previously told Kid to go ahead of her and he'd be with her friends already. If it wasn't for him, she would have stood her ground and not let Emily talk her into accepting her silly proposition. Lou knew that a flat refusal would have seemed strange and aroused Kid's curiosity and she wasn't ready to parry his questions. So with a terrified expression, she crossed the garden towards the building that housed the swimming pool. For long minutes she stood before the door, not daring to enter. A voice kept repeating in her head that the sooner she got inside, the sooner she'd be able to leave, so after debating with herself for a few more moments, she finally grabbed the knob, breathed in deeply, twisted it and opened the door. Instantly the smell of chlorine knocked her powerfully and the same sensations she had experienced that very morning washed over her, making her feel sick and weak.

As she came closer with trembling legs, she could hear the voices and laughter of Kid and her friends. From her position she could see them splashing and playing in the water as if they were small children. Lou wished she could join them in their carefree games but that was impossible. She stopped at a safe distance. She was feeling so sick that she thought she was going to faint at any moment, but she remained there, staring at the blue water as if she were seeing a filthy dumpster.

Kid had noticed her presence, and a smile instantly tugged at his lips. The dress she had on, even though hanging a bit loose over her figure, really made her look very feminine and lovely. Naturally he had seen her in a dress before, but this one accentuated the fine body he knew she had. "Honey, you look beautiful."

Louise ignored his compliment and with a voice she wasn't sure where she had got the strength from to articulate, she said, "I'm not staying... I'm not feeling well."

"Oh come on, Lou! Don't be such a wet blanket," Emily called from inside the pool, clinging to Ike's body with her arms and legs. "Just get inside and you'll see how good the water feels."

While Emily was talking, Kid had come out of the pool and walked up to Lou. Before she noticed it, his wet hand gently grabbed her arm as he said, "Come on, Lou. Let's go for a quick dive."

"Don't touch me!" Louise cried at the top of her voice and her hand gave him a strong push on his wet chest, which made him loosen his hold on her and almost slip on the wet floor.

"Lou..." he let out with a hurt countenance, staring at her as if he were seeing her for the first time.

With a disgusted expression Louise stared at his wet and dripping figure, which after his dip smelled of chlorine and also of blood in her mind. Her own arm and hand were damp and she quickly dried them over the material of her dress as if her body were completely soiled. Her dry hand came to cover her nose to block the smells that were revolting, but it was useless. Her stomach contracted and lurched and the bile rushed from her stomach to her throat. To the three other people's astonishment Louise stormed out of the place. Kid stood rooted to the spot for a few seconds. He exchanged a look with Ike and Emily who were as stunned by Lou's behavior as he was. In the end, after quickly drying himself with a towel, he ran after her. When he reached the bedroom, he found the door to the en suite bathroom shut and Kid knocked at it with his knuckles. "Lou, honey, are you in there?" The answer he got was the sound of somebody vomiting and he instantly grew concerned. "Lou, are you all right?" He tried to open the door but it was locked from inside. It was then that he heard Emily getting in the room.

"What's happening, Kid?"

"She's locked herself in there, and I think she's sick," Kid explained and knocking at the door once again, he called, "Lou, please open the door."

"Louise, open up!"

Not long afterwards, they heard the toilet flush and the door being unlocked. Kid pushed it open straightaway and saw her. Lou was on her knees before the toilet, wiping her mouth with a towel. Her bright eyes looked up at Kid and her arm rose to him in a silent request, and she let herself be helped back to her feet.

"What's wrong, Lou? Are you all right?" Emily asked, noticing the pallor of her friend's skin and her matted hair.

Louise shook her head. "It must've been something I ate," she muttered. "My stomach has been kind of queasy."

"I imagine that it's not likely that you might be pregnant," Emily quipped, trying to lighten her friends' mood.

Despite everything, Lou gave her a small smile. She was still holding Kid's hand as she said, "Totally unlikely." she was feeling a bit better, but as she brought to mind the way she had behaved and how she had treated Kid, she felt humiliated and completely embarrassed.

"Well, I'll leave you two now."

As Emily left the bedroom, Kid asked, "How are you feeling, Lou?"

"Better... honestly."

Kid wanted to ask her why she had acted so weirdly before but this wasn't the moment. "Why don't you lie down and try to sleep some?" he offered. Lou nodded and let him guide her to the bed. She dropped onto the soft mattress over the bedding and Kid covered her body with a blanket. "I'll let you sleep now, but if you feel worse, give me a shout. I'll be in the living room."

Louise nodded with closed eyes and Kid stopped to place a soft kiss on her forehead. He stared down at her for a few minutes. He was more confused and concerned than ever. She might be feeling unwell, but he couldn't help but worry about her strange reaction at the swimming pool. He didn't know where that had come from. It seemed that they were incapable of being fine longer than a couple of minutes. She always ended up getting angry or lashing out for no apparent reason. Kid was at a loss. They seemed unable to get hold of their relationship which was becoming more and more uncontrollable.

With an audible sigh Kid finally turned from the bed and walked to the door. When Lou heard his steps as he left the bedroom and the door closed, she opened her eyes and the tears started cascading down her cheeks. She was feeling rotten and right now she simply wanted to sleep and forget about everything and everybody.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

It was a couple of hours later that Lou woke from her nap and after getting changed, she walked into the living room. Ike and Emily were sprawled on one of the sofas, his back rested against the arm of the couch while Emily sat between his legs as they read a magazine together. As soon as Kid saw Lou appear, he jumped to his feet and ran to her. "How are you feeling?" he asked, encircling her back with his right hand and steering her to the sofa where they sat down.

"Much better, thank you," she said. Sleep had been plagued by nightmares in which she saw herself sinking in a big swimming pool brimming with blood. Lou did not know if she had actually rested or had woken up feeling more tired.

"You hungry?" Emily asked.

"I guess..." Louise replied. Her stomach felt completely hollow after emptying it that morning and it was aching.

"Emily cooked some chicken soup and rice," Kid informed her. "I think it will do your stomach good."

"Em, you shouldn't have bothered," Lou protested.

"Nonsense. It was no bother at all," the young woman replied. "So boys, now that Lou's awake, let's eat 'cause I'm starving." Foreseeing her friend's reaction, she turned to Lou and pointing a finger at her, she said, "Don't you dare to move, Dr. McCloud. We'll set the table and you rest." Louise smiled and after a pause Emily addressed her boyfriend, "Come on, Ike, pull your weight. Kid, you stay with your girl and spoil her a bit... she deserves it after being a bit under the weather."

"Yes, Mom," both Ike and Kid replied in unison, which provoked a few giggles from their girls.

When Ike and Emily disappeared into the kitchen, Kid turned to Lou and looking her deeply in the eyes, he asked, "Are you sure you're fine?"

"I'm all right, Kid. You don't have to worry."

"I can't help it. I don't know, Lou. You've been acting kind of strange since we got here."

Lou silently admitted that he was right, but she did not know how to explain what was happening to her. It was too embarrassing so she simply said, "Maybe I'm just coming down with something, and that's why I'm not quite myself."

To her relief Kid did not insist anymore. That evening the two couples enjoyed a pleasant dinner and later they spent the rest of the day playing Trivial Pursuit. The four of them had a good laugh as Kid and Ike tried continuously to cheat and beat each other. At some point Emily announced that she was ready to turn in. "Guys, I'm going to bed," she said as she rose to her feet and stretched her hand to help Ike up. Before the couple disappeared into the corridor, Emily stopped and looking at Lou pointedly, she added, "You two have fun... cause I'm sure gonna have a blast with my man tonight."

Emily laughed as she noticed her friend's red cheeks. When the couple had gone, Kid smiled at Louise awkwardly. From the living room they could hear their friends' laughter and cheerful voices in an exchange that they could not get mistaken about. Noticing Lou's awkwardness, Kid switched on the plasma television and turned up the volume to muffle the unmistakable sounds coming from the bedroom down the corridor. They kept staring at the screen unblinkingly but neither of them paid much attention to the movie that was on. When Louise yawned for the second time, Kid asked, "You tired?"

"Tired of doing nothing," she joked.

"Time for bed then," Kid replied and when they got into the bedroom, Louise directed her steps to the bed and picked up a pillow and the blanket she had previously used for her nap. Kid stood watching her, disappointed at realizing that she clearly wanted him out of the bedroom.

Louise noticed his expression and explained, "I'm going to sleep on the sofa tonight."

"What?" Kid exclaimed. "I told you that if you felt uncomfortable, I'd be the one who'd spend the night on the couch."

"Kid," she replied, coming closer to her, "it's me who's being fussy. It's not fair that you have an uncomfortable night because of me."

"What kind of a man would sleep comfortably in a bed and let his girl outside the bedroom?"

"Don't be such an old fogey, Kid. What if I'm a woman? I can sleep on the sofa because I choose to," she continued.

"Well, I'm an old-fashioned Southern gentleman. It would be an outrage to my honor to let you be uncomfortable."

Lou shook her head to his stubbornness and not minding his words, she headed for the bedroom door. Yet, Kid was quicker and placed himself before it, blocking the way out. "Oh please, Kid. It's late and I'm tired," she complained and as he did not budge, she started to push him with all her might. As he was stronger, she did not manage to move him a single inch and in a distraction of her, he slid his arms around her waist and lifted her from the floor. Despite her protests and thrashings, he carried her over his shoulder, making her drop the pillow and the blanket on the boarded floor. "Kid, put me down! Put me down! Right now!"

"As you wish, Ma'am," he said and carefully dropped her onto the bed. Lou tried to lift again but he didn't let her. He came on top of her and pinned her down by her wrists. They kept struggling in jest but Louise could hardly do anything to free herself from his hold. "Kid, this is ridiculous. Get off me!"

"You're absolutely right," he replied with a teasing smile. Louise wanted to shout at him and get angry, but seeing his goofy expression she finally burst out laughing... laughing harder than she had done for a very long time.

"That's beautiful," Kid whispered, releasing her wrists but he remained hovering over her body as his eyes stared at her lovingly.

"What?" Lou asked breathlessly as she sobered.

"Your laughter... I hadn't heard it for too long and I missed it," he said with a husky voice. Louise smiled softly and then realized that his head was gradually moving towards hers. Her eyes closed the moment his lips touched her mouth. The black clouds that had been fogging her all day long disappeared as her soul melted in his kisses. Her insides were burning and longing as her arms tightly held onto him. They had never been so close physically and surprisingly, she liked it. However, suddenly feeling his body react to her touch, she got nervous and stopped, so pressing her hand against his chest, she gently pushed him away. Without meeting his eyes, she slid out of the bed and picked up the blanket and the pillow from where she had dropped them.

"You take the bed, Kid. I'll be quite comfortable on the sofa."

Not sparing a single look, she left the bedroom and headed for the living room. When she was spreading the blanket on the surface of the couch, Kid reappeared, carrying another blanket and pillow. Louise stopped her motions to look at him curiously. He didn't say anything and simply followed her example, rearranging the other sofa like she was doing in hers. "Kid..." she let out in a disapproving tone.

"You don't want to sleep in the bed... fine by me," he said as he plumped the pillow with his fist. "There are two couches, so I'll take the other one.

Louise shook her head at his attitude. "Kid, how can you be so stubborn?"

"Well... my girlfriend is a very good teacher... that's why," he said, winking at her.

Louise had to grin at his comment, but neither said one single word as they got the sofas ready to sleep in. Lou was the first one to lie down and Kid soon followed her suit after switching off the lights. Louise muttered a soft "good night" and closed her eyes, ready to sleep. The two sofas were perpendicular to each other and Kid had consciously placed his pillow on the end of the sofa closer to her. He turned his head to see her outline under the blankets in the darkness. "Lou?" he called in a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Give me your hand."

"What?" she exclaimed confused.

"Let me hold your hand... until we fall asleep please."

He stretched his arm towards her and despite his silly request, Lou grinned in the dark as he took his hand. Somehow all this reminded her of the first night they'd been together after she had left the convent. They had been sitting on Kid's sofa and for a few moments they had simply kept holding hands. That was one of the best memories Louise had of her first times with Kid, and that particular one always made her smile.

"Lou?" he called again.

"Are you glad to have come here with me?"

"Yes... of course."

"Really?"

"Really, really."

"Despite our argument in the forest? Despite getting sick? Despite...?"

"Despite everything," Louise answered, cutting him off before he could mention something that could dampen the good spirits she was in.

At her words Kid smiled from ear to ear. For a few moments he kept quiet as his eyes gazed at the ceiling above them whose surface held a mysterious game of shadows. "Lou," he called for the third time and knowing that she was listening, he continued, "I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" she echoed, not sure if she was ready to get another surprise this weekend. When Emily had come saying the same words that very morning, it had been a shock rather than something pleasant for Lou. "What is it?" she asked.

"Well... you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out."

"But Kid..." she protested in a whining voice.

"You need to be a little patient, honey."

"I don't like surprises!"

"Trust me. You'll like this one," he said, giving her hand a strong squeeze.

Louise didn't voice further protests, aware that she wouldn't convince him to tell her. She hated being left guessing. Even though she was racking her brains, she couldn't think of what Kid was talking about. All she hoped was that his surprise had nothing to do with the swimming pool. As her mind kept wondering, little by little her eyes felt heavy, her arm relaxed and as her hand let go of Kid's she finally drifted off to sleep.

The following morning Louise woke up to the sound of laughter and as she opened her eyes, she found Emily's smiling face looking down to her. "You and Kid had a rough night, Louise?"

Lou didn't answer and sat up as she rubbed her eyes off the remainder of sleep. She looked around and saw Ike sitting on the sofa that Kid had spend last night in. "Where's Kid?" she asked straightaway.

"He's in the yard, getting your surprise ready," Ike replied.

Louise quickly removed the blanket from her body, rose to her feet and without sparing the time to get dressed, she ran out of the house. She found him in front of the cluttered garage, kneeling before a bike which he was apparently oiling. "Kid?"

He looked up and on seeing her, he smiled. "Good morning," he said as he came closer to her.

"What are you up to?" she asked eying him with curiosity.

"Well, you caught me red-handed, so I don't have other options but tell you. I found a bunch of bicycles in the garage yesterday while you were sleeping. So I thought we four could go for a ride together around this beautiful place. I'm now just checking they are fit to use."

"Oh..." Louise let out, too moved by his thoughtfulness to say anything.

"Do you like it?" Kid asked warily, thinking that her lack of reaction meant she disliked his idea. Her weird behavior from yesterday made him expect anything from her, and he'd hate to anger her unwillingly.

"Yeah... of course. I love it!"

Kid smiled, visibly relieved and leaning over he tried to give her a kiss, but she averted her face and pushing him away. "Kid, you can't kiss me now. I've just woken up and haven't even washed up. I don't smell very nice."

Before he had time to reply, she shot off back into the house. Kid kept chuckling as he saw her disappear, thinking that he didn't mind whether she'd just woken up or had spent hours mucking out pigsties. He'd kiss her anyway, and he hoped one day they'd wake up together in the same bed and the first thing he'd do in the morning would be to kiss her no matter what.

Later in the day the two couples took off on the bicycles, enjoying the good weather and the beautiful landscape. Lou was having the time of her life, relishing in the feeling of the fresh air filling her lungs and the good exercise. However, she felt a bit miffed that Kid and her other two friends always fell behind and she had to keep stopping to wait for them. Emily repeatedly complained that they should take it easier and Ike and Kid also seemed to be having problems keeping up with Lou's speed.

"Come on, guys. Don't be such a bunch of slackers," she urged them as she sped up once again.

"Lou, you go ahead!" Kid called breathlessly. "We'll catch up with you or ... you'll catch up with us on your way back."

Louise lifted her hand over her head to gesture her thanks and shot off like a bullet. Kid smiled to himself as he saw her flee. Today she looked much better... much more cheerful. The ride seemed to be doing her an awful lot of good. Naturally this wasn't the way he had thought they'd be enjoying their outing this Sunday morning when he had found the bicycles. Kid had imagined that they'd have a leisurely ride instead of this mad racing she seemed to have so much fun with. In any case, he didn't mind it as long as she was happy. This was her weekend and she had a right to do anything she enjoyed.

"I thought you were much fitter than this, Kid," Emily said, riding by his side, her face red from the effort. "You told me once that you were a member of a gym."

"I am," he replied, "but that doesn't mean I go regularly... actually, I never go."

"Typical of men," Emily quipped with a crooked smile. "Come on. Let's get a move on before your girl crosses the country on that bicycle and makes fun of us at the clinic on Monday."

In the meanwhile, Lou seemed to be flying as she darted past trees, flowers, rocks along the trail she was going through. She always loved her bike rides, feeling as if she were on her own world, isolated from everybody and everything and perceiving the beautiful smells and sensations of nature. Her mind went blank and all her senses seemed to intensify to the extreme and she could feel better, smell better, see better, hear better, taste better.

Suddenly, her bike took a stumble and Lou fell heavily on the ground. Moaning she scrambled to her feet and her hand rubbed her sore knee repeatedly before she lifted the bicycle. "Darn chain," she muttered as she noticed that the chain had come loose, which was the reason why she had fallen. Louise crouched before the bike and tried to put the chain back in its place with her fingers, but it was no use. If she had her tools, this would be a piece of cake, but without them, there wasn't much she could do. However, she continued stubbornly, but all she managed was to cover her fingers in grease.

The noise of an engine reached her ears and casually glimpsing at her side she made out the figure of a man riding a scooter, coming from the opposition direction she had ridden from. She continued with her useless attempts and she noticed that the rumble of the scooter had stopped. "Anything I can do to help you, Miss?" she heard a male voice speak up behind her.

Lou rose to her feet and turned to the man. "I have a little problem with the chain of my bike."

"Louise? Is it really you?" the man asked in a muffled voice behind the screen of his helmet. Lou frowned in surprise and when the man took off his helmet, she recognized him at once.

"Shane..." she said and a smile appeared on her mouth instantly. "Shane! Oh my God! It's been so long!" she enthused as she threw her arms around him to hug him, doing her best not to stain his brown suede jacket with her greasy hands. When they pulled away, Shane gave Lou a handkerchief and while she cleaned her hands, she added, "It's good to see you."

"You too," he replied with a smile that matched her brightness. "Why is it I'm not surprised to see Louise McCloud in the middle of nowhere?"

Lou laughed heartily at his comment. She had a reputation to be a bit wild and untamed, and Shane had always teased her about that. She let him have his laugh but didn't answer his question, instead she felt curious and asked, "So tell me, are you living around these parts now?"

"I wish, but no. I just come here once a month, but I'm still the same city guy," Shane replied and Lou nodded in understanding. "You know? The last time I saw you you were ready to leave for Guam. How long ago was that? Four years?"

"Almost six," Louise replied. "I came back last July... uh... things have changed for me lately… quite a lot, but that's a long story."

"Well... what if I give you a hand with your bike while you tell me that long story?" Shane said with a wink as he showed her a pair of pliers he had taken out of his knapsack pocket.

"I think that's an excellent idea."

The bike was already repaired when Kid, Emily and Ike appeared. They had got strayed at some point and had to ride back on their own track when they had stumbled upon a dead-end ravine. After getting into an argument about what way to follow, the three friends had finally taken the right path and a few minutes later they finally saw Louise.

"Who's that hunky guy Lou's with?" Emily voiced out loud as they saw the young woman laugh and talk amicably with a strange man.

Kid's face changed radically as his eyes fell on her girl who looked jollier than she had been for a long time, and he couldn't help but wonder who was the guy who seemingly had worked the miracle in her. The stranger in question was tall, well-built, with fair hair and had a silly grin on his handsome face as he looked at Louise. Kid felt a sudden dislike to him, aroused from the jealousy growing in his insides. He then saw her turn and wave her hand at them as soon as she had caught sight of them.

When they approached and stopped before the pair, she said, "Hey, guys, let me introduce you to a good old friend of mine, Shane Bailey." Louise then turned to the man and added, "And Shane, these three here are the friends I told you about... Ike, Emily and ... and Kid."

The man greeted them politely after Emily and Ike had done the same. Kid, though, didn't open his mouth and simply looked at the man Lou had described as her old friend with evident animosity. He didn't like the way she had introduced him to this man, including him in the same package as Emily and Ike. She had even hesitated as if she didn't remember what his name was. Moreover, seeing her act so giggly before the man made him extremely irritated.

"So Shane," Emily started with a flirty voice, "did you fall off a tree now or just pop off out of nowhere like a leprechaun?"

Shane laughed, showing his perfect smile and teeth, and said, "I was on my way to visit a farm a few miles from here, and I just came across Lou here while she tried to fix her bike."

"The chain came loose," Louise exclaimed.

"It was perfectly fine when I checked it this morning," Kid retorted, feeling her words as an accusation.

"Well, my sore knee has to disagree with you. I almost broke a leg," Lou replied, not catching his mood and trying to joke, but her words sounded worse than she had intended.

"Well, sometimes these things happen," Shane added, trying to smooth Kid's ruffled feathers, which was evident in the tone of his voice and after a brief pause, he said, "I better go now. The Spencers must be waiting for me."

"Nice seeing you, Shane," Lou replied with a smile.

"Likewise. And please come and see me when you get back home. You know where I live," he said as he started his scooter. "We'll talk some more then."

"I will," Lou promised and waved goodbye at him. When Shane left, the four made their way back to the cottage. Kid didn't say a word, and Lou could feel there was something wrong with him. She had never seen him so serious before and wondered what he had on his mind.

When they reached the house and put away the bicycles, Ike and Emily made an excuse to leave their friends alone, as they could tell that the couple needed to straighten a few things up and they didn't want to be caught in the middle of warfare. Kid didn't waste any time and as soon as he entered the house, he asked in a slightly louder tone than usual, "What was with that guy, Lou?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Lou! I have eyes and ears!" he retorted in an angered tone. "And I don't like seeing my girl flirting with another man in front of my very nose. You know, it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable," he added sarcastically.

"Don't be ridiculous! I wasn't flirting with him!" Louise exclaimed, almost shocked at his accusations. His words made no sense at all. She had the urge to laugh at the senseless of all this but at the same time his words hurt her painfully.

"Of course you were!" Kid rejoined in the same loud tone. "You were all giggles and smiles. You smiled at him more in those few minutes than you have in all the time we've been together!"

"He's an old friend I hadn't seen for years! I was trying to be kind!"

"Well, you could try to be kind to me from time to time too!" he replied between gritted teeth. All this hurt him too much. He had made use of every ounce of patience he owned for her sake, had given her the space he thought she needed, had tried not to push her ... but all that had been for nothing. And now came this stranger and her problems seemed to vanish all of a sudden.

Louise stared at him with a flabbergasted expression as the truth sank in her. "You're jealous..." she finally stated in disbelief.

"Of course I'm jealous! How do you think I can feel when my girl seems to suffer from amnesia and doesn't remember that I'm her boyfriend?"

"Kid, it's nobody's business what we are to each other!" Lou replied. She knew that she hadn't acted rightly when he had introduced Kid to Shane without mentioning that he was much more than her friend. Of course in her previous conversation with him, Lou had told him all about Kid and their relationship, but naturally Kid didn't know that.

"It is my business, and I want everybody to know that you're my girl... not only that... we're living together!"

"Oh for goodness' sake, Kid, you sound as if we were living as husband and wife, and you know that's not it!"

"Just because you don't want to!" Kid retorted loudly.

Louise stared at him agape. "So all this fuss is about that? I can't believe it! You're like all men... no different... and just think about the same! I thought you understood my beliefs and were ready to give me the time I need. But seemingly I was wrong and you're no better."

"Lou, that's not..."

Before he could finish his sentence, Louise had swirled around and dashed towards the bedroom. Kid followed her there and found her shoving her few belongings in her bag. "Lou, what are you doing?"

"I'm going! There's no sense for me to stay here when I'm not feeling comfortable any longer!" she replied without meeting his eyes and closing the bag, she stormed out in the same way she had first gone in.

"Please Lou, don't do this!" he begged as she followed her on her tracks. Louise didn't stop and walked out of the front door. Kid stood at the threshold, hoping that she'd turn around and came back. When she didn't and walk past the cars and left the property with a quick pace, he knew she was serious. "Lou!" he called as he ran after her. He didn't know how, but she had already covered a good distance and he knew he wouldn't reach her. So he decided to follow her in his car and catch her when she got to the village. He went back to the house to pick up his keys and ask Ike to move his car out of the way so that he could drive his. So by the time he managed to reach the village, Lou was already there, at the bus stop. He stopped the car and got out of it.

"Lou, what are you doing here?" he asked as he approached her.

Louise crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin in obvious anger. "I told you. I'm going. Suddenly, I'm not in the mood to frolic around in the country."

Kid knew that she was in her stubborn mood like last night and there was no way he could convince her, so he said, "OK. You want to go, we'll go. Come on, get in the car."

"No thank you... don't bother yourself," she added ironically. "I'll take the bus."

"Please Lou, don't be silly."

"Now I'm silly too? Wow, some demented woman I am!" she continued with the same sarcasm. "One moment, what was it you once told me? Oh yeah... you said you were in love with me. I remember now. But I imagine you're now reconsidering all that, aren't you?"

"No, Lou... I know what I said and what I feel for you," he stated, looking straight in her eyes. He didn't know how his fit of jealousy had turned into a nasty argument. He wasn't even sure what he had said to make her so angry and doubt his love for her. Suddenly he was feeling scared of losing her and his whole soul begged her to listen.

Louise averted her eyes from his and was about to retort another caustic remark when a loud whoop resounded in the almost deserted street. They both turned to see Shane appear on his scooter and come closer to them. "Hi again!" he greeted enthusiastically and addressing Kid, he asked, "Your name is Kid, isn't it?"

"It's Dr. Kydd," Lou answered for him with a stiff tone.

"Kid is fine," he added, correcting his girl pointedly and feeling very awkward in front of the young man.

Shane got off his scooter and removed his helmet. "It's quite warm for this time of the year, isn't it?" He looked between Lou and Kid, but neither said a word. Shane could feel the tension between the two of them and wondered what was happening. Louise had told him that she was in a relationship with this man, but right now he couldn't perceive any good vibrations between the two of them. The young man took off his suede jacket and scarf and it was then that Kid noticed his black shirt and priest collar. His face registered the surprise at the discovery, and he felt like the biggest fool in history. Louise stared at him pointedly as she silently chastised him. Her silent scolding was worse than any words she might hurl at him, and he wished she could shout at him. Kid wanted to say something, apologize but he felt unable in front of the priest. "You planning to have lunch in the village?" Shane asked, unaware of the silent exchange between the pair.

"No, I'm taking the bus to the city," Louise said curtly.

"Lou please..." Kid tried once again.

"And here it comes," she announced as she saw the coach appear. "Shane, goodbye. I'll see you soon." Lou ignored Kid completely and without a single look in his direction she got on the bus. He followed her to the door, trying over and over again to draw her attention but it was to no avail. She was already inside and the bus door closed in front of his very nose and soon it drove away, leaving him totally heart-broken and lonely.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

Kid paced up and down the living room in his apartment as he continually checked the time on the clock on the wall or his watch. After Lou had left on the bus, he had gone back to the cottage to let Ike and Emily know and collect the rest of their things, and then he had driven away. He had arrived at his place over an hour ago, and since then he had done nothing but wait for Lou. He knew that traveling by bus she would arrive later but the thought that she might have decided to go somewhere else scared the wits out of him.

Lou had seemed very angry and Kid had to admit that she had a right to feel like that. He had accused her of flirting with that priest friend of hers. It had been silly jealousy. Deep down he knew that his jealousy went beyond the fear of losing her to another man. He had been thinking a lot about his relationship with Lou and kept questioning whether he was good enough to make do for the life she had left behind. Her encounter with Shane had confirmed his fears. That priest belonged to her past and meeting him again had obviously cheered her up. Kid longed to know what he could do to get that kind of enthusiastic response from her. He knew she loved him, but somehow that wasn't enough to make her smile in the way she had done with Shane, and the realization made him feel like a complete failure.

"She should be here by now," Kid muttered to himself as he looked at his watch for the umpteenth time that evening. The idea she was not coming home became more real as the minutes passed by. So thinking that she might have gone to Theresa's, he grabbed his cell phone, searched for the girl's number in his directory and pressed the call button. After only two rings the sound of the front door being unlocked reached him and he hung up.

"Lou!" he called as he dashed up to her. "I'm so glad you're here. I was afraid you wouldn't come," he said, resting his hand on her shoulder and giving it a tender squeeze.

Louise roughly swatted his hand off her and replied in an unkind tone, "As you know, I have nowhere else to go. I had no other option, did I?" Even though her initial intentions had been to find her own place after a couple of months, she had not been able to do so. In all this time she had not saved a single cent to fulfill her plans since for one reason or another she ended up spending all the money she earned in one month. It was impossible for her to stay impassive when people came to her, telling her about their precarious situation. So every month she wound up with no money and having to keep this situation with Kid.

Without a single word Lou walked past him towards her bedroom, slamming the door closed. Kid remained rooted to the spot, unsure of what to do. He was tempted to insist and try again, but he knew he would not manage anything in her current foul mood. So instead, he busied himself by rustling up something for dinner. It was an hour later that he knocked at her door lightly. "Lou, dinner's ready." Silence answered his summon, so he tried once again. "Lou, aren't you coming to dinner?"

Since he received the same reply, or rather lack of one, he turned round and walked back to the kitchen. He did not have much of an appetite, but anyway he served himself the food he had concocted. It was when he was already eating that Louise appeared. By the expression on her face, Kid could tell that she was still angry. Without a word she picked up a plate, transferred the meat and vegetables from the pan onto the dish and sat down opposite Kid without sparing a look in his direction. They ate in silence. Kid thought that despite everything he wanted to tell her, he did not want to tempt his luck by saying something that could anger her even more. When they finished, Kid collected both their plates and left them in the sink. "Would you like some coffee, Lou?"

Louise simply shrugged her shoulders, which he took for a yes, and then Kid put the coffee pot to brew. Soon the intense smell wafted in the air, and he grabbed two mugs from one of the cupboards. He knew that Lou took her coffee with one spoonful of sugar and just a bit of milk. As he picked up the bottle from the fridge and poured a little into Lou's mug, finishing it up, he said, "We're running out of milk, Lou. We should go shopping tomorrow."

At his words something cracked in her insides, and she jumped to her feet while snarling furiously, "You know what? I don't care! I don't care if we run out of milk, if the kitchen needs cleaning or if the price of gas has gone up again! I don't give a flying leap!"

Kid turned his surprised eyes to her and said, "Why on earth are you so angry? I already told you I'm sorry!"

Louise ignored his apology completely and continued with her furious harangue, "I'm sick and tired of all this! This is just ridiculous! I don't want my life to be reduced to a bunch of stupid domestic matters and trivialities!"

Her angry comment sparked his temper and he retorted with sarcasm, "Oh I see! Ms. McCloud is already tired of playing house and wants to change the game... play national hero! Poor you, it must be a real sacrifice for you to have to lower herself and mingle with a poor sinner like me!"

"I don't want to play hero! I just want to do something fruitful... try to make a difference!"

"I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you," Kid replied with a hurt expression.

"Don't you understand this has nothing to do with you! This is about me!"

"Yeah, of course... everything is about you... you, you, and you alone! All I want to know is what I am to you, Lou. I don't know if I'm your friend... another colleague... your room mate or ... maybe nothing."

His pained expression and words disarmed her and the anger she was feeling cooled down, realizing for the first time the depth of Kid's suffering in all this story. "Kid," she replied in a softer tone, "you misunderstood me. I didn't mean to belittle you. I..."

"Look, Lou. I'm tired of arguing. I don't want to talk anymore."

"But Kid..."

"I think I'm going to bed. Good night."

"Kid please..." she tried but he had already left the kitchen. A sigh escaped her lips and feeling very miserable she buried her face in her hands and dropped on the chair heavily as the tears blinded her eyes and soul.

* * *

The following morning Kid woke up with a splitting headache. He had not been able to sleep a wink as all night long he had been mulling over the horrible weekend and his disagreements with Lou. It was clear that their relationship had many cracks and wounds. Kid feared that Lou was regretting to have chosen him over her life as a nun. She was obviously not happy and lately she was acting more and more weirdly. This past weekend had been almost surreal, and he was almost having problems recognizing Lou as the woman he had first met months ago.

Where was the happy, light-hearted girl he had gradually fallen in love with? Kid could not help but think that his intrusion in her life had caused her to lose that joviality and liveliness. It was as if he had cut her wings and she now felt trapped in a cage when all she wanted was to fly free. That was what she had implied yesterday, and those words had haunted Kid all night long. Thinking that he was the reason of her misery killed him and he did not even know what to do about it.

Before getting dressed and ready for the day, Kid thought of taking a Tylenol for his headache. He shuffled for the door and as soon as he opened it, he was surprised to find her standing opposite him. "Lou?"

"I... I'm sorry," she muttered, lowering her eyes to her intertwined hands. "I wasn't very nice to you yesterday. I ... I don't want to argue with you either... it makes me sad."

Kid took a few steps closer to her and cupping her face between his hands, he tipped it towards him and placed a soft kiss on her lips. His hands traveled from her face to her shoulders and as he looked into her eyes intently, he said, "Lou, we need to talk... for real."

"Yes, I really want to ... honestly," she promptly replied.

"Tonight?"

Lou nodded energetically. "Tonight."

"Good," Kid replied with a sad smile as he rubbed his forehead with his thumb and index finger.

Impulsively Louise kissed him on his cheek as she said, "You get dressed. I'll make breakfast and get you something for your headache, all right?" Kid frowned at her words, silently wondering how she had guessed his head was throbbing. Lou read the silent question in his eyes and said, "I was also feeling rough this morning. Couldn't sleep last night." Kid stood there, smiling and she exclaimed, "Get a move on, slacky. I don't want to be late!"

Kid silently walked back into his bedroom with a silly grin on his mouth. He really wanted to believe that they could straighten up their dented relationship, and his heart hoped that he did not get any more disappointments because he would not be able to bear the pain anymore.

Later in the morning the couple arrived at the hospital and headed for the common room. As they walked side by side, Kid smiled, happy to have her next to him. Normally Lou left home before him almost every morning and they did not even have breakfast together. Today was the first time they had enjoyed their first coffee together in weeks. They had made small talk, and Lou seemed to have enjoyed that moment. There was still a melancholic air over her, and Kid could not forget about her words from last night, but all in all, he did not know why, he felt she was trying her best for both their sakes.

Kid looked at her sideways. Her face was serious and she seemed to be thinking about something intensely, but he did not dare ask her anything. As they reached the common room, he opened the door and stood aside to let her go in.

"Ladies first," he said gentleman-like. A bright smile appeared on her face as she looked inside, and when Kid followed her, he realized that the smile was not intended for him. A little whirlwind rushed against Lou and she cooped up the small child in her arms.

"Oh Melly, Melly, beautiful!" she exclaimed, hugging the little girl tightly. "I missed you something terrible!" Melinda stared at Lou with big eyes and Lou continued, "But look at you! You've grown so much since I last saw you!"

The girl did not mind her words and instead she said with a mysterious air, "I have two new dolls."

"Oh... that's great!" Louise replied with a smile. "And tell me, what are you doing here? Want to work here with us doctors?"

Melly shook her head and Rachel talked behind her, "She has a check-up with Dr. Stevens today."

Louise nodded in understanding. Kid came closer to her from behind. He knew that this young girl was the one Rachel and Teaspoon had taken in foster care. Lou had sometimes mentioned how fond she was of the child, and she often asked after her to either Rachel or Teaspoon. Melinda looked up at him over Lou's shoulder with a serious expression. "Melly, this is Dr. Kydd," Lou said with a smile.

"How are you, Melly?" Kid greeted the girl with a grin.

The girl eyed the man warily and after a while she asked, "Is he your boyfriend?"

"Uh... yeah," Lou replied clumsily, blushing like a schoolgirl. She did not know why she felt so embarrassed to acknowledge Kid as her romantic interest in front of others... even with Melinda.

"And are you going to have babies?" Melly continued with her natural curiosity.

Rachel instantly noticed Lou's awkwardness and spoke up. "Melly, honey, it's time to go. Say your goodbyes." The child pouted her lips in disappointment and Rachel added, "Don't pull that long face. I'm sure Lou won't mind walking with us to the exit, will you, Louise?"

"Of course," Lou exclaimed with a bright smile and the girl's sullen expression lit up at once. Lou followed Rachel out of the room, carrying Melinda in her arms.

"Lou!" Kid called before she walked away and as she turned her head to him, he asked, "Meet me for lunch?"

"Sure," she replied breezily and without another word she continued on her way.

Kid kept looking at her as she headed for the door, talking to the child and laughing. He was glad that she seemed more cheerful this morning, but deep down he also felt a pang of pain, wishing he could make her laugh like this too. It was as if only things related to her past life brought her joy and the notion reinforced his fear that she was regretful of being with him now.

"Jealous, Kid?" a feminine voice resounded behind him when the door closed. As he turned around, he saw Samantha sitting at the big table dominating the middle of the room. Kid could guess she had been there all along, but for some strange reason he had not noticed her until now.

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't need to pretend with me," Samantha replied as she intertwined her long fingers and rested her elbows on the wooden surface of the table. "I can see you're now reaping what you sowed."

"I still don't get you, Samantha," Kid retorted with irritation while he took his diary out of his briefcase and scanned through it.

"Louise... you know you got in the middle of her life and forced her out of the path she should have stayed on forever, the one she was destined to follow."

"Please, Samantha, this doesn't concern you. Stay out of this, will you?" he said as he directed his glaring eyes to her.

The woman ignored his words and continued regardless, "Have you ever given a thought to the people you've left orphaned with your selfishness?"

"What?"

"Louise was a nun... a woman devoted to God and to people. What do you think is going to happen to those you stole her from?"

"Samantha, I don't know what's gotten into you today. You sound as if Lou was the world's savior. She's just a woman and mankind won't go to rack and ruin because we're in love."

"How can you be so damn selfish?" the woman exclaimed with irritation, pounding the table with her fist. "You drove her away from her duties and never questioned what your actions meant for others. She could mean a difference to many people and ..."

"You're trying to make me responsible for the world's miseries and I'm not."

"Someone like Lou really made a difference in my life," Samantha continued, not minding him a bit. Kid looked at her with curiosity and the doctor carried on, "The man my mom married made my life a living hell and when she died, it became ten times worse. Sister Angelica saw through my fears and managed to take me out of that house and give me the respect I lacked. She was the only one who helped me when all the others turned a blind eye to what was happening to me. It was thanks to her that I became the woman I am today."

"Samantha, I'm sorry but that doesn't mean..."

"Thanks to people like Louise many people manage to get out of the hole their souls had been hidden," the young woman continued, cutting him off. "For example, that little girl found a family in Rachel and Teaspoon because of Louise." She paused and looking straight into his eyes, she asked, "Where would that child or I have ended up without people like Lou and Sister Angelica? Where will other girls she might have helped in Somalia end up now, Kid? Where?"

Kid stared at her with wide eyes, feeling as if a hand was squeezing his throat tightly and he could not breathe. Samantha did not say another word and rising to her feet, she left the room. The sound of the door shutting behind him echoed in his ears like an ominous revelation. Kid remained there in the same position, frozen, his face blanched and haggard.

Samantha's words had been a powerful blow to his soul, which had made him wake up to a reality he had been blissfully ignorant to. Lou's attitude and the reasons behind it now appeared clear and bright before his eyes. His love for her had ruined her and even though unwillingly, he now realized that he was making the woman who was his whole world miserable. He was the reason of her bitterness. The notion was so terrifying and painful that Kid felt like crying. What was he supposed to do now? All he wanted was to love her and make her feel loved, but right now that meant so little. He was so small and insignificant in comparison to what Lou had abandoned. He now understood why she always looked so sad. How could he be enough for her? He wasn't and couldn't pretend to be. And what was he going to do now? What on earth? He had never meant to ruin her life... never, but what could he do to restore her happiness? He had no idea and his perspectives suddenly appeared as a dark, cavernous passage he didn't see the end of, but somehow he told herself he'd manage to dig a way to find the light... he needed to... for Lou's sake.

The rest of the day was a nightmare as Kid tormented himself with the same over and over again. He could not stop thinking about Lou, but the more he thought about her, the more confused he became. He could hardly concentrate, and when it was lunch break, he welcomed it with relief and rushed to find shelter in his office. That morning he had told Lou that they would have lunch together, but he was not in the mood to talk to her right now. He was hurting and he did not want her to see him like that. So he decided to stay in his office, feeling miserable and rotten.

A knock on the door brought him back from his tortuous thoughts and his heart started pounding strongly in his chest as he imagined it would be Lou at the other side. When the door opened and Jimmy's face popped in, his face fell in disappointment. "Kid, are you all right?" Jimmy asked, noticing his friend's sullen countenance as he sat despondently in semi-darkness.

"Yeah... fine," Kid replied weakly.

Jimmy stepped it and opened the blinds to let the light in. "Lou was wondering where you were, and I volunteered to come looking for you. That little girl of Rachel's has kind of hogged her... you know."

"I see...," Kid muttered, guessing that after her visit with the doctor, Rachel and the little girl had come back to the clinic.

"Kid, what's wrong?" Hickok asked as he sat opposite his friend. Guessing that his bleakness had something to do with Louise, he added, "I thought that you and Lou'd have been able to smooth things over the weekend."

"The weekend couldn't have been any worse," Kid let out bitterly.

"What happened?"

"That doesn't really matter," Kid replied and after pausing for a second, he blurted out, "Jimmy, I've made her life miserable."

Hickok frowned at his words. "What are you talking about?"

"Lou's not happy, Jimmy. I know as much, and it's because of me. Do you remember how lively and wonderfully fresh she seemed when she was a nun? I made her lose all that and somehow her spirit went as well."

"Kid, you never forced her to be with you. She made her decision...her alone."

"But I don't know how to make her happy! That's all I care about and I can't... I just can't. And I feel she's regretting her decision to be with me."

"Well, you don't know that for sure, do you?" Jimmy replied. "Kid, you shouldn't torment yourself with all these negative thoughts. Talk to her. You love her and she loves you, so ... that should count for something, shouldn't it?"

"I don't know if that's enough, Jimmy."

"Kid, if being together doesn't bring either of you any happiness... have you thought about... giving yourselves some time?"

"You mean break up?" Kid asked and Hickok nodded cautiously. "Yeah... I've thought about it. But Jimmy, if I knew that would be the solution... if that would make her smile return... I'd set her free at this very moment even though it would kill me, but I'm not sure that's the solution."

"Then what are you going to do?"

"I..." Kid started, but stopped as his pager started beeping. He had a look at the small screen and said, "I have an emergency... we'll have to leave this conversation for later."

Kid quickly left his office and dashed down the corridor towards the delivery rooms. As he reached the area, he saw Noah running up to him. "Kid, there's trouble."

"What?"

"Something's not right. We need to perform a Caesarian section and quick."

Kid nodded and both men rushed along as if every second wasted was a gigantic step towards disaster.

* * *

Later that day Lou went to find Kid in his office. She had been pondering her problems over the day. She was ready to talk to him and sort out all the stones that stood in their way. Kid was running out of patience, and Lou feared that he would eventually get tired of her, so she swore to herself that she wouldn't allow their relationship to go to ruin because of her. She had staked her whole life for him, and it was her alone who was making all that a total waste. Louise knew that she loved him and wanted to shed all the problems that were ruining everything. Her conscience still nagged her and her insides hurt every time that she thought about what she had left behind. Yet, she knew that there was no use in crying over spilt milk. This was her new life, and she needed to start to love it. Of course things weren't easy and apart from all that, there was the other matter that complicated her existence. Hopefully, that would vanish from her mind with time...it hadn't come bothering her till now, so it was bound to blow over and disappear... she had to believe that.

When Lou tried to get into Kid's office, she found the door locked. So thinking that he might be waiting for her in the common room, she quickly headed for it. On entering, she saw some of her colleagues talking to Teaspoon with serious countenances, but she could not see Kid anywhere. "Hello!" she greeted everybody with a smile. "Have any of you seen Kid?"

They turned to her and after exchanging a strange look with his colleagues, Jimmy asked, "Haven't you heard?"

"Heard what?"

"Uh... one of his patients... Mrs. Johnson," Teaspoon started awkwardly, "died in childbirth... she suffered from amniotic fluid embolism... she fell into a coma and the poor lady didn't make it for longer than an hour."

Louise was shocked. She remembered Mrs. Johnson from those first months she had worked with Kid. The lady had been amiable and as far as she knew, her pregnancy had been smooth and problem-free. "What?" she clumsily let out.

"It's a rare condition," Noah explained. "None of us had ever seen a case before. Kid did as much as he could... nobody could have prevented her death."

"Where is he?" Lou asked, feeling the worry settle in her heart.

"He went home an hour ago... he was quite upset," Jimmy replied.

Before waiting for anything else, Lou swirled round and practically ran out of the room. Her whole being went out to the man she loved. She could imagine he was beating himself with guilt. Losing a patient was a terrible experience, which she knew first hand. And when death happened so unexpectedly, the blow was totally shattering. Louise felt a strong longing for him and did not waste a single second as she dashed forward.

Traffic that evening was absolutely mad, and Lou impatiently sat inside the cab in the middle of severe congestion. Forty minutes after what usually took her to get there, Lou finally made it to the apartment. She unlocked the door and when she slid inside, she found the place in total darkness. Only the floor lamp was on, casting its light over Kid's forlorn figure on the sofa. Lou moved her hand towards the switch but he stopped her. "Please Lou, don't turn it on."

"Kid..." she said walking a few steps closer, and stopping at a short distance, "it wasn't your fault."

"I know... I guess there'll be an investigation anyway."

"Teaspoon said that you couldn't have done anything else. You've got nothing to fear."

"I don't really care what happens to me," he let out bitterly. "Lou, a woman has died... a strong, healthy woman and I was her doctor."

"Kid, you know these things happen all the time... things we don't have any control over."

"Please, don't tell me it was God's will," he replied wryly.

"I won't."

They remained in silence for a few minutes. Lou was hurting to see him look so low and she felt totally inept. "Please sit with me," Kid asked her after a while.

Louise quickly sank onto the sofa by his side and his arms almost moved on their own and rushed to wrap around her frame. His head lowered as if unable to bear the weight of his conscience and came to rest on her chest as he hugged her tightly, wanting to feel her as close to him as possible. He needed her with all his soul and somehow he felt like a lost boy.

Lou's body tensed as soon as she noticed where his head was. There was nothing sordid or lewd in his hug and she knew it was his way of showing his need for her comfort, but Lou could not help but feel very uncomfortable. She tried to control her reactions and act as if that gesture was not bothering her, but she couldn't. As casually as she could, she placed a finger under his chin and brought his head to meet her eyes. Her open mouth welcomed his as they kissed and tasted each other. Kid wanted to forget every single minute of the day, the most horrible day he had lived and all his being got focused on the woman he loved. He wanted to melt with her and even though always in control of his motions, he intended to silently show her how much she meant to him and how hard he was going to work to try to make her happy.

They had not kissed so intensely before and after a few minutes they pulled away breathlessly. Their faces were close together and Kid smiled as his eyes locked into hers. He wanted to believe that there was a light at the end of the tunnel for them. "Please, Lou, sleep with me tonight."

"What?" she exclaimed as she disengaged herself from his hold and rose to her feet.

Kid felt that the magic between them had disappeared once again but he kept on trying. "Please, Lou. I don't want to sleep alone. I need you. I just want to hold you... only that."

His begging voice pulled at her heart and she actually desired what he was asking from her. Yet, a stronger sensation started bubbling in her insides, and she realized she couldn't give him that. "Please, Kid, don't ask me that."

"Lou, please. I won't touch you," he said as he got up from the sofa and stood before her. "Sleep with me tonight... just for this once."

"I... I can't," she stammered as a lump formed in her throat. In that very moment she realized that she was not free to choose, not even for the man she loved. Something definitely more powerful dominated her whole soul and until now she had not been aware of the hold it had on her. She definitely had a problem and felt unable to control it. What kind of woman was she to let herself be affected by something that should be a simple memory? She was so paralyzed by the realization that she did not notice the anger pass over Kid's face.

"I don't understand you, Lou... I really don't... and believe me, I try," he exclaimed furiously.

"Kid, I..."

"Sometimes I wonder if you really love me," he continued with a grave expression. "You never tell me... never... You never let me hug you, kiss you or simply hold your hand in public. And you're never there for me... I talk but all I manage to hear is the reverberation of my own voice. Why, Lou? Why? I really want to understand. Why do you flee from me? Are you ashamed of me or what?"

"Of course not!" Louise replied with a shocked countenance.

"Then maybe I'm not worthy of you or your love."

"Please, Kid, don't say that," Louise said, hurting with each word he uttered. "I want you to understand... it's not you ... it's..."

"Lou, not that, please. I already know that line," he retorted. "I've had a terrible day and I'm not in the mood for pretending games. So if you don't want to tell me what's wrong, I better go to bed... alone."

"Kid, please..." she begged but he had already turned around and walked down the corridor. When the sound of his door echoed in the whole place, her eyes filled with tears once again and the sobs shook her frail and tired body, begging for life to give her a response or a sense to all this because she couldn't find one.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

Lou woke up much earlier than usual that day. Last night she had slept even less than the previous one. She felt she was walking towards the precipice, and sooner or later she would fall. Kid was going to leave her at any moment now, and she had never been so scared before. Last night had been like a revelation, and she had understood that all their complications rooted from her alone. She had not been aware that she actually had a real problem until now. She was in a mess, which was affecting Kid too. Maybe she should tell him and pour her heart to him. But what if he didn't understand her? She didn't even know if she had the guts to talk about it. Just thinking about that turned her into a nervous wreck, and she didn't understand why. She had been all right for years and all of a sudden, this came back to haunt her. How could she expect Kid to comprehend her when she didn't understand it herself? What if after the effort to tell him, he thought she was no better than a ridiculous idiot?

Lou sat at the kitchen table as she nursed her second cup of coffee. As a rule, she was not a strong coffee drinker, but today she needed a good dosage to keep her senses alert. Of course she knew that all that coffee would make her jittery, which would add to her already nervous state, but she'd rather be on edge than appear like a sleeping shadow. At least she didn't have to work till the afternoon today, which was a relief.

Soft noises from the other side of the apartment told her that Kid was awake. When he appeared before her, she could see that he was still angry. He did not say a word, sent her a glaring look and then directed his steps to the front door intending to leave. "Kid, aren't you going to have breakfast?" she asked with a tentative voice.

"I... I'll have something in the hospital cafeteria," he replied unenthusiastically without meeting her eyes.

Lou's face fell. She wanted to talk to him and repair what she had ruined last night with her refusal and words. "Kid... we need to talk. Can you spare five minutes?"

"Sure," he conceded from the door, "just make sure you have time in your busy schedule, and when you find those five minutes, just let me know."

His sarcastic comment stung at the very core of her being, but she knew she deserved it and more. When she saw him open the door, she called him again almost in desperation, "Kid!" He stopped once again and turned to her, this time looking her in the eyes and Lou whispered, "I... I love you."

Kid did not move a hair at her declaration, and simply said, "I'll see you later." Without further ado, he walked about, shutting the door behind him. Louise kept staring at the closed door, feeling very miserable. Right now she didn't know where his life was leading. If things continued like this, she was going to lose the man she loved and would end up alone and unhappy. Maybe she had the solution to her problems but right now she didn't know how. She feared that just in a few months she was going to lose the two most important things in her life, her vocation and her love for Kid. And then what would be left? Nothing... a terrible vacuum she was totally afraid of.

* * *

Later in the day Louise headed for the social hall she was a volunteer in. Due to her schedule, she hardly ever came in the morning, but today since she had the whole morning off and nothing else to do, she decided to come and give a hand in the place. She knew that the hall was in much need of volunteers in the morning, and because of her low spirits she thought it would make her feel better to do something useful.

It was near the middle of the morning when she got inside the building. Many people were already sitting at the long tables and eating the food. Lou walked among the tables and headed for the far end in the building where she saw other volunteers. Suddenly, a hand grabbed her by the arm, startling her. "Sister Lou..." a slurring male voice sounded next to her.

"Vinnie... hi," she replied with a smile to see the young man.

"Have you seen the toy I found yesterday?"

"Uh..." Louise faltered, trying to find a way to avoid Vinnie. She knew that his accounts could be interminable, and she had come here to help, so she said, "Honey, why don't you show it to me later? I have a lot to do."

Louise disengaged his hand from her arm and resumed her walking. She could hear Vinnie's voice behind her, going over the same and a few of his words reached her understanding. "It's so shiny... so black... so cool."

As she reached the counter where the volunteers were serving lunch, she couldn't hear him anymore. Lou greeted the others and was surprised when her eyes fell on Emily. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she followed her friend into the pantry where they had been assigned for washing-up duty.

"The hospital owed me a few days, and I thought to take them now," Emily explained as she started to soap the plates which later she passed to Lou to rinse. "I was supposed to go shopping today, but I thought to employ my free time in something less ludicrous."

"Good for you," Lou replied with an absent-minded expression.

Emily eyed Lou curiously, and noticing her serious countenance, she asked, "What's that face for?"

"Nothing... uh... just nothing."

"Would that nothing by any chance have a name like... I don't know... Kid? Lou, come on, don't pretend with me because I'm not buying your lies." Louise looked at her irritated, and Emily added, "Tell me, how are you two doing after that ... uh... strange weekend in the country?"

Louise exhaled tiredly and said, "Not very well actually. We had another fight yesterday."

"What is the problem, Lou? You were kind of tense at the cottage, and I think you'd have enjoyed that time away with your man."

"It's... I guess... it's the physical part of our relationship... it's kind of difficult," the doctor replied and could not help but blush. She knew that their problems were more complicated than that, and could not be reduced to a question of physical nature, but that was all she could say right now.

"For goodness' sake, Lou, you aren't a nun anymore," Emily exclaimed. "Why can't you just enjoy being with your man without restrictions? Believe me, Louise, you don't know what you're missing."

"Em, I know I'm not a nun... well, at least unofficially, but I do have the same beliefs," Lou replied, but hating to appear like a prude when there was something more at stake, she added, "Besides, it's difficult for me... very difficult indeed." She stopped for a second and continued almost immediately, "Last night he ... he asked me to sleep with him... but... but I refused."

"And you two argued," Emily filled in and Lou nodded sadly as her eyes focused on the plates she was rinsing, and the water wetting her hands. "I see," the receptionist remarked.

Lou's head darted to her friend as she exclaimed, "No, Em. You don't see. He only wanted to sleep with me... just sleep, nothing else."

"Louise, if Kid said that, he wouldn't use a trick like that to try anything. You know you can trust him."

"Yeah... but maybe I can't trust myself," Lou replied without thinking. At her words Emily's eyes opened widely in surprise, a gesture that hurt Louise in her feminine pride. "Why do you look so flabbergasted, Em? Do you all think that I'm just a cold bitch and don't give a damn about Kid?" Her irritation soared and her tongue loosened up, uttering words that she would have censored herself for under other circumstances. She knew that Emily had misunderstood her comment because she had meant something different with her reference to trust. However, it angered her to see the opinion that Emily and probably everybody else had of her. "Let me tell you something, Em, in case you haven't noticed. I do live with the man I'm in love with and it's not easy... not at all. You can't imagine how many nights I lie awake, thinking that the person I love is next door." It was true. Despite her own inclinations and problems, her heart beat and longed for him... a physical longing that she felt unable to fulfill. "Last night after we had that fight, I got up from bed and stood outside his door. I really wanted to go inside, but ... but I just couldn't."

Emily noticed her friend's eyes glaze with unshed tears, and for the first time she realized how her relationship with Kid was affecting her more than the receptionist believed. Lou was right, thought Emily. She and almost everybody believed that Louise had settled in a comfortable relationship with Kid, a man who wouldn't demand too much of her and who was ready to give her everything instead. They could all see that he was miserable because of Lou, but nobody had considered the young woman's position in this equation. Emily had to admit that they had misjudged Lou, but still... there was something else.

"Lou... what is it you aren't telling me?"

Louise ignored her question and continued, "Em, I'm really in love with him... totally... but somehow I feel unable to love him properly... like he deserves. All this is making him so unhappy and it breaks my heart. I... I know he's going to leave me... sooner or later, and I'm so scared. I don't want to lose him, but I can't fight for him... I just can't."

"Lou, don't say that. You need to talk to Kid," Emily replied. "You have to tell him all this and ... whatever it is you aren't telling me. You can't keep your problems to yourself or they might end up killing you inside." Louise nodded but did not voice that she was already dying a bit with every passing day. "Kid is your man... the other half of your self, Lou, and you should be sharing all that with him," Emily insisted. "You're the only ones who can make your relationship bloom or wither. Honey, you both need to figure out the way to repair the damage."

"But what if we can't repair that damage, Em? What if there's no solution?" Lou asked in a desperate voice.

"Lou, you can't let your fears get in the way. You have to talk to him."

"I know I should, but I don't know if I can."

Emily was about to reply, but suddenly, shots and screams were heard inside the building. Both women turned their surprised eyes to the window next to them, and they saw a man indiscriminately shooting a gun around him. The room was a chaos as people ran in desperation while others tried to find shelter under the tables.

"Vinnie..." Lou whispered as she recognized the man brandishing the gun. "Vinnie!" she cried and before Emily could react, she shot off towards the hall and the man, crying his name repeatedly as if she were a mad woman.

"Lou!"" Emily shouted after her to no avail. From that position she saw Lou dash to the man and to her horror he turned and a bullet found its way to her body. "Lou no!" Emily yelped at the top of her voice as she rushed out of the pantry and towards where she had seen Lou fall. The bullets had stopped and the man was staring at Lou with a stunned expression.

"Oh Sister Lou... Sister Lou... I'm so ... so sorry... I just wanted to show you my toy." And without another preamble he raised the gun to his head and shot.

Emily screamed as the man's blood spurted and almost fell on her. Yet, after the initial fright she reacted and dropped to her knees next to Lou, not caring about Vinnie's dead body, who lay just a few feet from her. Emily nestled Lou's head on her lap. "Lou! Lou! Oh God... Please talk to me!" she cried as her body shivered from head to foot.

To her relief Louise's eyes fluttered open, and she instantly noticed the burning sensation, starting in her midriff and spreading all over her body. As she looked over herself and saw the huge hole in her stomach, through which blood was gushing out, her eyes filled with tears of fear and pain. "Oh God," Lou exclaimed in a weak voice, instantly understanding the seriousness of her situation. Suddenly, the image of Kid flashed before her... his smile, his eyes, his handsome face, and the tears soared as she thought that she might not have the chance to see him again. As she raised her tearful eyes, she saw Emily's face above her. "Em..." she said wearily.

"Lou, you're gonna be all right," Emily mumbled in a trembling voice. "Please don't talk... keep your strength." And turning her head behind her back, the receptionist cried, "Can somebody call a damn ambulance?"

"Emily... tell Kid... please... you have to tell... Kid," Lou struggled to speak, making a supernatural effort with each word she uttered.

"No!" the receptionist exclaimed as she started shedding the tears she had tried to hold back. "You'll be the one to tell him! You're gonna be all right... and you and Kid are going to be fine too. You'll see," Emily started to ramble as she dried her tears with the back of her hand. Lou felt her own tears trickle down her face. Her eyes fell heavy and started to droop. "Lou no!" Emily cried as she shook her body strongly. "You need to stay awake! The ambulance is on its way. You're gonna be all right, but please stay awake!"

Louise's tired eyes opened, and she managed to whisper in an almost inaudible voice, "Tell Kid..."

Once again her eyes closed and her body got limp. A desperate cry was heard above the dozens of chaotic voices in the building, a cry that pierced the air like a sharp knife, a cry that resounded in the place ominously, making everybody who heard it shudder. "Lou, no!"


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

After the calling tone went dead, he shut off his cell phone with a bitter expression. "No luck yet?" a voice came from behind him, and then he saw Jimmy sit opposite him at the table in the common room.

Kid shook his head and added, "Next thing I'm going to do is buy her a cell phone whether she likes it or not!" He had been trying to contact Lou all morning long in vain. After the way he had left her that morning, he had felt terrible about it. He wanted to apologize for his totally reproachable behavior and because for some unknown reason he had the need to hear her voice. Obviously she was not at home, and Kid wondered where on earth she had gone. Kid did not know why, but he kept on trying anyway despite the fact that she was due to start work in an hour and he would see her then.

"Are you turning into some kind of controlling, possessive boyfriend or what?"

"I just want to talk to her...that's all," Kid replied in a soft tone. He could not really explain the intense urge he felt and all he could come up with was those simple words.

"I thought your story with her was coming to an agonizing state... close to the end," Jimmy remarked. Last night he had called Kid to see how he was doing after his patient's unexpected death. He had sounded very upset at the other end of the line, but the reason of his distraught state was his last fight with Lou that very night. Kid had struggled to tell him that he thought that it was a question of time that he and Lou parted ways. Yet, today he was talking differently, acting as a concerned boyfriend and planning to buy her a cell phone as if things were not as bad between them as the day before.

"Well, that was last night," Kid replied to Hickok's comment. "Things happen." Somehow today everything looked different. Maybe it was because he had not been quite himself the day before, or perhaps it was because she had told him she loved him. In any case, all he knew was that he wouldn't give up on them so easily. He didn't want to end up regretting it for not fighting for them enough.

"That's a relief," Jimmy joked with an exaggerated expression. "I wasn't looking forward to being the shoulder where you both came to cry on. It's hard enough when it's just one of you."

Kid smiled sadly, hoping that the situation would never get to that extreme. He wanted to make their relationship succeed and to be happy with her. As the thought entered his mind, he felt a deep longing for her and once again he tried to phone her. As he heard the continuous calling tone, the door opened and a bunch of his colleagues stepped in. Cody, Buck and Noah came to sit with Jimmy and Kid while Emma and Rachel headed for the coffee machine. When Kid shut his phone off once again, he turned his attention to his colleagues that were making small talk, but he could not join them because he couldn't stop thinking about Lou.

Barely a few minutes later the door opened again, and Teaspoon slid inside followed by Ike. Everybody greeted the two men warmly but they both remained with sullen countenances. After a brief lapse, the older doctor cleared his throat and said, "Ladies and gentlemen... I...I'm afraid I've got bad news." Nobody said a word and stared at their boss unblinkingly. "There's a bit of a situation in the emergency unit. There's been a shoot-out... resulting in several casualties... they're bringing the injured now... in quite a critical condition."

"Do they need our help downstairs?" Noah asked.

"Uh... not at the moment," Teaspoon replied and exhaled tiredly, wondering how he was going to say the worst part. "Uh... Kid," he started, "can we talk in private?"

At his words Kid's heart started pounding more strongly than it already was. Somehow he knew that Teaspoon's bad news was for him and his request only confirmed his fears. "No..." he replied with a shaky voice. "Say what you have to say here."

"Kid, the shoot-out was in a social hall. Lou was there and was caught in the crossfire," the old doctor blurted out as the words almost spilled out of his mouth.

As the news hit him, Kid felt as if he was going to fall into the abyss. A voice inside his head kept repeating 'no' and almost automatically his mouth almost repeated in an agonizing voice, "No... please don't say that."

"An ambulance is bringing her here," Teaspoon added wearily.

Kid felt a hand on his shoulder, and without even seeing whose it was, he shoved it off as if it burned his skin and without another word, he stormed off. The others understood his rough reaction and for a few minutes they remained in silence until Buck asked, "Teaspoon, is it serious?"

"I gather so," the old doctor replied. "It was Emily who called... Apparently she was there when it happened. She was quite upset, and I could hardly understand what she was saying."

"Poor girl!" Emma exclaimed, feeling the tears prick her eyes.

"Let's hope that things aren't as bad as I think they are," Teaspoon continued. "Kid's gonna need our support in these hard times, but we still have work to do here."

Everybody nodded, and despite their desires to be with their colleague and friend, they knew Teaspoon was right. With a heavy heart they started to disband to their different obligations, praying to the God Louise had served so many years that He kept her safe.

In the meantime Kid had reached the emergency ward like a desperate man and without a second thought, he stormed into the area reserved for the medical staff. The panorama he found there was quite distressing. It was chaotic to see what the shoot-out had left. There were gurneys everywhere with less seriously injured people among whom Kid hoped to find Lou but somehow he knew that was not going to happen. Teaspoon's sullen expression had told him to expect the worst, which was sending him over the edge. Lou had been shot, he kept repeating in disbelief, but it was very real. In the frenetic state he was in, he desperately looked through the wide glass windows of every single operating room, and it was then that he saw her and stormed into the place like a bull towards a red flag.

"Lou!" he shrieked, as his eyes fell on her still form, wrapped in a paraphernalia of tubes and cables. Before he could reach her, a strong arm grabbed him. He turned to the person in confusion and found himself face to face with Dr. Barnes, the trauma surgeon.

"Dr. Kydd, I beg you... leave the premises right now," the man ordered as he strongly pushed the younger doctor towards the exit door.

"I'm not leaving her!" Kid cried as he struggled against the man. "She needs me!"

"Dr. Kydd, please. She's in good hands and as a doctor, you also know that you won't be of much help when you're involved personally!"

"I need to know she's gonna be fine!"

"Unfortunately, nobody can know that," Dr. Barnes replied. "Dr. McCloud is in a very critical situation and needs a prompt intervention. And the longer we stand here arguing, the scarcer the odds for her to survive are. So I warn you, leave right now or I'll have to call security."

Reluctantly Kid turned round and walked out, having to leave the ward when a nurse, possibly warned by Dr. Barnes, had told him that he could not stay there either. As he stepped into the waiting area, he saw Emily who ran up to him and hugged him as soon as she caught sight of him. "Oh Kid!" she wailed, "it was horrible, so horrible. But she's going to be fine, isn't she?" When he did not reply the young woman lifted her tearful eyes to him and insisted, "Kid, please, tell me Lou's going to be fine!"

"I..." he started awkwardly as his throat contracted and he could hardly speak. "I don't know, Emily. I don't know if she's gonna be fine."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, the reality of Lou's situation became more palpable and frightening. The pain that coursed over his whole body was such that he almost felt the room spin around him and he thought he was going to faint. From the brief glimpse he had managed to get of Lou, he knew things were not too optimistic, and Dr. Barnes's terrible words had confirmed the bleak reality that stumbled over him so terribly.

Ike appeared a few minutes later, and both he and Kid managed to persuade Emily to go home. The young woman had got a tremendous shock after witnessing Lou being shot, and staying at the hospital was not very convenient for her right now. When the couple had left, Kid settled on a seat for the long wait, dreading what it would bring about. Guilt and pain tortured him, thinking about the way they had parted that very morning. She had told him she loved him, and he had not answered back. He had left her in the cold and now she was lying on an operating table fighting for her life. Kid prayed that she knew how much she meant for him... how he actually felt he couldn't live without her. This waiting was maddening, and he felt so powerless and useless.

"Please Lou, come back to me... because if you leave me, nothing will make sense to me," he whispered to himself.

Kid felt unable to stay still and kept moving around the room, shifting seats and checking the door to the ward even though he knew that it was too soon to know anything yet. In the hour or so he had been waiting, he had got several phone calls. Theresa had phoned him in a naturally frantic state as soon as she had learned the news. Kid had tried to calm her down even though he was not in a much more serene disposition himself. Theresa had told him that David was out of the city and had nobody to leave Annie with. Kid had promised to go back to her as soon as he knew something about Lou, silently hoping he could tell her the good news he wanted so much.

Kid sat down on a new seat after shutting off the last conversation with one of his colleagues who called from the clinic on the phone in the nurses' station. As he had a look at the time on his unused cell phone, suddenly Lou's image popped up in the screen, almost startling him. He then remembered that he had taken her picture last weekend when they had been in the country. It had been during a stroll the first day and Kid smiled sadly as he brought to mind the moment. Lou had been so shy when he had asked her to pose for the photo that he had found her totally adorable. Later Kid had set the picture as his cell phone screen saver.

As her image flashed before his eyes, he traced a finger over her face and the tears burned his eyes. He resisted crying with all his will-power, feeling that the tears would mean that he was giving up on her, that he was already mourning her. No, he had to believe that she was going to be fine, that they were going to have a very long life. Their love story couldn't finish like this; it wouldn't be fair. They hadn't had the chance to really enjoy each other... they had had so little time. Her image on the cell phone disappeared, and he desperately searched for it again. Somehow her shy, frozen smile in the screen made him feel better, closer to her. Kid thought wryly that this was the only photograph he had of her. There was none of them together or one of her beautiful face, which he would have framed for his office desk, making every patient wonder how somebody like him could be so lucky to have such a beautiful woman in his life. Kid told himself that he would take hundreds of pictures of her as soon as Lou was released from the hospital... because she was going to be fine... she had to be, she had to be, he kept repeating over and over again.

"Excuse me," a feminine voice interrupted his train of thought, and he looked up to find a young lady in front of him. She had short fair hair and kind features.

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"You're Dr. Kydd, aren't you?" the woman asked.

"That's right, but I'm afraid I'm not on duty," Kid replied softly. She definitely was not or had not been his patient, but whatever she wanted, this was the worst moment ever to talk to him. His good manners did not allow him to dismiss the woman straightaway, but he would do so if the woman insisted.

"I'm Sister Katherine... I'm a good friend of Louise's," the woman explained.

"Oh please, sit down, Ma'am," Kid quickly replied, and the nun took a seat next to him as they both exchanged greetings.

"I knew it was you as soon as I saw you," Kathy said. "Louise always talks so highly of you that it is as if I already know you."

"Really?" Kid asked, unable to hide the surprise from his voice. He had never heard a word about the woman now sitting next to him, and he had no idea that Lou spoke about him to others, especially her former sisters.

"How's she doing?" Kathy asked in a soft tone, her face showing the deep concern for her friend's health.

"Not very well, I'm afraid," Kid muttered. "I just saw her for a second, but they didn't let me stay. She's still in the operating room. It can take hours."

"We need to trust God will keep her safe," Kathy added.

"Yeah..." Kid replied vaguely.

"Mother Mary also came with me, but just excused herself now to go to the restroom. She's very upset."

Kid simply nodded. He knew that the nun Kathy was referring to was like a mother to Lou. Once or twice Kid had told her that it might be convenient for him to go and pay his respects to the woman. Yet, Lou had always put him off, telling him that it was still too soon, and they needed to let time go by. Now their encounter was unavoidable, and the idea of meeting the nun on his own made him kind of uncomfortable.

The older nun finally turned up, and when Kathy made the proper introductions, Mother Mary greeted Kid with evident coldness. Kid felt awkward under the glacial eyes of the woman and could even read a silent accusation in them. He tried not to mind her and kept focused on Lou. At least Kathy's presence made the situation less strained and tense, which was actually a relief. The two nuns and Kid had a long agonizing wait that was only interrupted by his phone calls or acquaintances that had dropped by the hospital to inquire after Lou.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kid finally saw Dr. Barnes appear and his heart started pounding so strongly that he thought everybody in the room could hear it. The old surgeon told them that the surgery had gone better than he had first thought because of Lou's critical condition. They had extracted the bullet and repaired the damaged organs and tissue. Because of the huge quantity of blood she had lost, a transfusion had been carried out and apart from that, the bullet had harmed one of her ovaries, which had been removed.

As Kid listened to the doctor, he felt sick to his stomach with every bit of information he learned. Dr. Barnes finally warned them against feeling too optimistic since Lou was not out of danger yet. She had been sent to intensive care and when Mother Mary asked if they could see her, Kid knew he had to stand aside and let the nun go however much he longed to run to see her. Visits in the intensive care unit were limited, and he knew that because of his position as a doctor in the hospital, he would have free access to see her later.

As the two nuns left towards the ICU, Kid decided to go back to the clinic. He got into the common room, which was deserted and dropped onto one of the sofas. The frustration, fear and pain took their told on him and without even being aware of it, he started sobbing as if he were a small boy. Despite his intentions to shun tears, he just could not stop, feeling a terrible emptiness in his soul and also a deep longing for her. Kid did not remember when he had last cried. Like everybody, he had gone through some rough periods, but he did not recall shedding a single tear or feeling as lost and bitter as he did now.

The touch of a hand on his shoulder made him look up and he saw Teaspoon hovering over him. "Son?" the old doctor asked with a contrite expression, unable to complete the question.

Kid realized that his desperate tears had given the wrong impression and after drying his eyes with the back of his sleeve, he said, "The operation finished... but she's still in critical condition. That nun... the Mother Superior has gone to see her."

"I understand," the older doctor replied as he sat down next to his subordinate.

"I'm so scared, Teaspoon," Kid muttered. "She doesn't deserve something like this... I don't understand... I can't."

"Nobody understands why things like this happen, Kid."

The younger doctor exhaled and after a beat he said, "We are going through a rough patch... you know, as of lately. I don't know... we're still struggling to make our relationship work because it isn't easy." Teaspoon kept quiet, knowing that the young man needed to unload his heart of everything that seemed to be torturing him. "We had a fight yesterday... another one. Seems all we do lately is fight." Kid stopped briefly and after a beat he added, "I accused her of not loving me enough... Gosh, she left everything... everything for me, and I still had the nerve to tell her she didn't love me!"

"Son, when couples fight, we tend to say things we don't mean."

Kid directed his desperate eyes to him as he exclaimed, "I even told her that she was ashamed of me! And today... today people who I'd never met in my life knew who I was through her. She has been talking about me, and I had no idea!" A sigh escaped from his trembling lips as he added, "Teaspoon, she can't die... I can't lose her. She's the love of my life... the one and only. I can't lose her!"

"Kid, you need to be positive and think Lou will pull out of this one."

"Yeah..."

"Why don't you go and see her? I'm sure if she feels you're there for her, it would give her the strength to fight," Teaspoon added, patting him on the shoulder.

Kid nodded in silence, thinking that for a doctor Teaspoon was a die-hard romantic. He walked out of the room and directed his steps to the intensive care unit. As he approached the room she had been placed in, his legs felt like jelly and his mouth got dry. For a few moments he stood at the door as he watched her body lost in a flood of tubes. The sound of the heart monitor and the ventilator echoed in the room with a frightening reverberation, and for some minutes he stared at the pump going up and down; his own breath got caught, fearing that the regular motion would stop at any moment. Kid inhaled deeply, telling himself that he should follow Teaspoon's advice and stop being so pessimistic.

Kid finally stepped into the room and walked to the bed. As he gazed down at her figure, he thought that despite everything she looked beautiful. For a moment he thought that she would open her eyes and would laugh at him. He would give everything to see that happen but naturally, she remained totally still. Kid knew that she had been sedated, which would make her sleep and restore her strength after her loss of blood. Hopefully, she would get better soon and wake up to him.

Kid drew a chair closer to the bed, ready to spend the night here with her. Come hell or high water, he'd be here, waiting for her to come back to him. His hand came to take hers tenderly, careful not to move any of the tubes or other devices that rooted from her body and in a soft whisper he said, "Just rest, my love, and I'll watch over you. Just rest"


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

Every single minute of the few days that followed meant a little step to Lou's recovery. Just today Dr. Barnes had told Kid that she would probably be moved from intensive care in a day or so. She was progressing nicely, but she had not recovered complete consciousness yet. In these days she had opened her eyes briefly on a few occasions but without being actually aware of her surroundings or anything else.

Kid stayed with her all the time, and the only times he left her side was to go home and get a change of clothes. Teaspoon had agreed to give him the time off he needed until Lou was better. Even though only five days had passed to Kid it seemed like a lifetime since he had last talked to her. He missed her and his whole soul longed to see the day she would wake up. He was still scared for her. Although Dr. Barnes had told him she was out of danger, and he could actually see the changes in her every day, he was afraid that she might take a turn for the worse or something unexpected might happen to her.

Kid lounged in the hospital's uncomfortable chair, his crossed legs stretched before him and his eyes trying to focus on the book he held up before his nose. With the little rest he got lately, he could not concentrate on anything and he felt very weary. Suddenly, coughing sounds near him cut his intentions short and his attention instantly got drawn to the person lying in the bed. Lou was stirring, and Kid was on his feet in no time.

Louise fought to open her eyes, but for some reason that simple action required a greater effort than she thought. Her body felt stiff, and there was a latent ache coming from her middle. It was then that she remembered what had happened to her. For some unknown reason poor Vinnie had started shooting a gun, and one of those bullets had hit her when she had blindly ran to stop him. Vaguely she also remembered Vinnie's dead body falling near her and Emily's worried face over her. After that, her mind went blank. Louise wondered when that had happened. Was she actually dead? Fear gripped at her soul and all of a sudden she dreaded opening her eyes, afraid of what she might find. Over the years she had greatly talked about the eternal life after death, but she was getting nervous thinking that she was about to find an unknown world. Finally, she managed to open her eyes in a slow motion. The light first blinded her and after blinking for a few times, the sight gradually came back to her bleary eyes. The first image she got was Kid's smiling face looking down at her, and as soon as she saw him, the memories stumbled upon her, and the tears flooded from her eyes.

"Lou, please don't cry," Kid softly said, deeply concerned on seeing her reaction.

"I'm so sorry... so sorry," she managed to say in a hoarse voice among sobs. "So sorry. You're so good to me... and ... I... I've been so horrible."

"Lou, please, you shouldn't get this upset," Kid continued as he wiped her tears with a tissue. "You're not horrible... you could never be horrible."

Her sobs had calmed down but she continued in a pathetic tone anyway. "I love you, Kid. I really do."

"I know you do, honey," he replied, caressing her face. Realizing it was a useless job to prevent her from speaking, he had stopped trying and simply listened to her because apparently it was very important to her to get that off her chest.

"I'm a terrible girlfriend, but I really want to be good to you... I don't know how to do it... I just don't know," Lou let out bitterly, her eyes bright with tears.

"We'll learn together... I promise," Kid replied. "But first you get well, all right?" Louise nodded and he added, "I'll go and find Dr. Barnes... let him know that you're awake and ready to fight."

Lou managed to smile ruefully, and he walked out of the room. When Kid and the surgeon returned, Lou was asleep again. As the older doctor examined her, she stirred but did not wake up. The surgeon repeated that Lou was clearly on her way to recovery. Kid felt light-hearted and even though it worried him to think that she had strained herself more than she should, he also felt blissful, remembering how she had said over and over again that she loved him.

Later that day after quickly having a bite for dinner at the cafeteria, Kid went back to the room to spend the night there like he had done every single day. When he stepped inside, he found Louise fully awake. "Hello, beautiful!" he exclaimed happily. "How are you feeling?"

"What time is it?" she asked instead of answering his question.

"Late... around eleven," he answered, as he dropped down on the chair and dragged it closer to the bed.

"And why aren't you home?"

"I'll go home when you come with me," he simply said.

Lou wanted to protest, but knowing him, she could bet that she could not persuade him. His face showed the signs of weariness from all these days at the hospital but Lou did not say anything because she was too tired herself to argue. She kept looking at him, staring at his features and after a while she blurted out, "Kid, kiss me."

At her request he smiled and leaning over, he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. Lou frowned unhappily, and said, "What kind of kiss is that, Kid? I want a real one... that is... if you still love me."

"Stop talking nonsense, Dr. McCloud," Kid scolded her lightly and without wasting a single second, his lips came to meet hers. They relished their soft kiss, both wanting it to last longer, but aware that they could not under the present circumstances. Kid pulled away slightly, his cheek brushing against her. "Oh Lou, I missed you so much."

Louise smiled happily as he sat on the edge of her bed, intertwining his fingers with hers. They remained in companionable silence for a few minutes and then Lou said, "You know something, Kid?" He directed all his attention to her and Louise continued, "When I was shot, and saw that huge hole in my stomach, I did believe I was gonna die. And in that moment, all I thought was of you... nothing else... and I longed to see you one last time."

"Well, nobody's dying here and we have a very long life ahead of us," Kid replied.

"Yes..." Lou replied with a smile. "I really want to do what it takes to fight for us."

"We will, Lou, we will."

* * *

Days passed by, and little by little Lou continued improving. She hoped she could leave the hospital in a day or two because she was already tired of being locked between the four walls of her hospital room. At least she could not complain of boredom since she always had a visitor. Her colleagues from the clinic did not miss a day without going to see her, and Theresa, Marmee and her other friends and acquaintances also came every other day. And of course Kid was there almost continuously. A couple of days ago she had managed to persuade him to go back to work. She was as good as fine then, and there was no reason why he had to neglect his responsibilities for her sake. However, convincing him to spend the nights at his place had been impossible, and even though she knew he hardly got any sleep in that uncomfortable chair, he had put his foot down and nothing she had said had managed to change his mind.

Louise looked at her wrist watch as she sat propped against the pillows in the bed. Kid would be arriving at any moment, and she could not wait to see him. Now that he had gone back to work, she missed him and the hours felt unending despite the visitors and phone calls she got throughout the day. As if reading her mind, Kid walked through the door at that very moment, holding a bouquet of white daisies. Louise smiled happily. He always brought her a little trinket without fail and it surprised her to realize that she enjoyed these trivialities more than she had thought. Lou buried her nose in the flowers, getting a whiff of their subtle scent, which made her wish for her freedom more intensely.

"Thank you," she said as she placed them together with others she had been given in previous days in a plastic bottle she had transformed into a vase.

Kid stood watching her, thinking that she looked ravishing. Her hair had grown below her ears, framing her face and giving her an almost divine air. "You look beautiful," he breathed, making her blush at the compliment.

"Come here," she whispered, tapping the place next to her. Kid sat down and his mouth searched hers immediately. Louise responded to his kiss with the same intensity and her arms circled his body as tightly as she could without getting bothered by the sore wound in her stomach.

Somebody clearing their throat behind them made them pull away and they both blushed violently when they saw who it was. "Marmee..." Lou muttered awkwardly.

Kid scrambled to his feet clumsily and managed to say, "Mother, how are you?"

"Very well, thank you, Dr. Kydd," the woman replied with cold politeness while her eyes sent him a harsh look.

Kid stood in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes and longing to escape from the room, he clumsily stammered, "Uh... I... I think I'll go for a coffee. Would you like something, Mother?" The woman shook her head with a solemn air and he turned to Lou, "What about you, honey... I mean, Louise?"

"No, thanks," Lou replied, trying to stifle a giggle. Kid acted so ridiculously nervous before Marmee that she felt tempted to burst out laughing.

As soon as Kid scurried out of the room, Marmee sat down on one of the chairs and said, "Obviously you feel much better, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," Lou replied, ignoring the veiled criticism in her comment.

Both women remained in silence for a few minutes and then the nun said, "Louise, do you remember when I used to encourage you to go out with boys?"

Lou let out a peal of laughter as she exclaimed, "Gosh, that was ages ago! How old was I then? Fourteen? Fifteen?"

"I particularly remember when I set you up with that Italian boy from the restaurant at the corner," Marmee continued with a smile.

Lou laughed at the memory. "Oh yes! The one with the zits and braces. He was kind of nice, but on our only date he took me to his big house for a huge family dinner. There were at least twenty people, and everybody was speaking in Italian, even that boy who didn't talk to me in the whole evening. It was totally surreal!"

Marmee laughed alongside Lou and when they sobered, the nun adopted a serious expression once again as she asked, "Louise, what is so special about him?"

Lou smiled while she replied, "I don't know, Marmee. Maybe there's nothing special but he is to me. I love him."

"It's a good answer," the nun said matter-of-factly. Lou shrugged her shoulders at her comment. It was what she actually felt, and there was no other way she could explain her feelings for Kid. After a few more silent moments, Marmee took out a little wooden box from her bag. "I found these old photographs the other day. I thought you'd like to have them."

"Thank you," Lou said, taking hold of the box and leaving it on the table next to her bed. The two women continued talking amicably, and when Kid returned after his forced excursion to the cafeteria, Marmee immediately bid her goodbyes and left.

"Seems she can't breathe the same air I do," Kid remarked wryly.

"You aren't much better, honey. You almost broke your leg trying to get out of here," Louise pointed out.

"That's not fair, Lou! She makes me feel very uncomfortable... as if I had killed somebody."

"Well, let's say you're not her favorite person right now... but she'll eventually warm up to you. She's not as stern as she looks," Lou remarked.

"I hope you're right," Kid replied with an exaggerated gesture as he sank down on the edge of her bed. As he noticed the wooden box on the table, he asked, "What's that?"

"Just some old photographs Marmee brought me."

"Can I have a look, Lou?" Kid asked with curiosity and even before she nodded her permission he was going through the pictures. They exchanged smiles as they looked at the photos, which portrayed Lou at different ages in her childhood, with her mother, with her two siblings, at school. Then they came across the ones from her time in the convent, the day of her first consecration, a few others showing her surrounded by other nuns and also there were a couple of them in which Lou appeared in her doctor togs, in her white coat and looking very professional. At the end of the pile of pictures he came across a photograph which surprised him. Lou stood in a swimsuit in front of a pool. "What's this?"

Louise had been smiling brightly but as soon as she saw the photograph, her smile vanished and her body tensed. "That's ... uh... that's from my time at high school. I... I used to belong to the swimming team."

There was a similar photo in which Lou proudly flashed a medal as she stood on some kind of podium with two other girls. "You were a little champion, weren't you?"

"Sort of," she replied curtly, hoping that he dropped the matter, but obviously Kid was very curious about it.

"How old were you here?" he asked again.

"Fifteen... sixteen... I don't remember," Lou answered vaguely as the usual sensations started bombarding her however much she was trying to control them.

"Then I imagine you got a scholarship in swimming for college."

"Uh... no. I quit the team... eventually," she muttered as she had the impression the air was almost sucked up from her lungs and felt sick.

"Why?"

"Uh... things happen."

Kid stared at her, expecting her to tell him the whole story but she made no attempt to open her mouth. What he noticed was that her eyes were strangely bright as if she was on the verge of tears, and her face was deathly pale. "Lou, what's wrong? Are you all right?" he asked, visibly concerned.

"I'm very tired," she replied, hating herself for not having the guts to tell him the truth. Everything was going so well lately, and she did not want to ruin it. Maybe she'd tell him someday... but not here, not now.

Louise slid her body down in the bed and yanked at the bedding to cover herself, as she felt very cold all of a sudden. Kid helped to tuck her in and when she was settled for the night, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and turned from her.

"Kid, are you staying with me tonight?" she called as he switched the lights off. Suddenly, she felt afraid to be left alone and her body started trembling under the bedding.

"Of course... me and that chair are already old pals," he joked and in the semi-darkness he could see her breathe out in relief as she closed her eyes. Kid kept looking at her as worry started nagging him once again. For some strange reason her demeanor had changed out of the blue, and he wondered why. Since she had woken after the shot, they had been more than better. The sadness and melancholy that had dominated her all these weeks had disappeared and she was back to her old, cheerful self.

They spent many hours talking and joking. Even though they had not mentioned where they wanted to take their relationship yet, Lou had explained to him what a torment she had gone through in these weeks. Her conscience had tortured her with the thought that she had just looked out for her own good and had not cared about anybody else when she decided to break her vows. Kid was glad that they had talked about that, and he had assured her that he was ready to support her in anything she wanted. He even wanted to help alongside her and go with her to those charities she gave a helping hand to.

On her part, Lou had understood that she wasn't in this alone and what love was about. Kid was glad that they had talked and little by little Lou was acting and behaving like she had always done. Yet, right now her countenance had shown something very different as if she was afraid of something. It wasn't the first time he had seen that expression on her face, and he recalled witnessing that change in her that weekend they had spent with Ike and Emily. Kid came to the realization that those sudden changes of mood had happened when they had wanted to go for a swim in that heated pool and now she had started to act weirdly as soon as they had seen her old photographs of swimming competitions. Somehow Kid suspected that something must have happened to her back then, which still haunted her today. He wished she could tell him to understand why she was so scared of swimming pools. Maybe she had some kind of accident in the water or something similar, which had left her with that inherent fear in her. Kid told himself that he wouldn't press her and would wait for her to open up when she was ready. And if she never was, he'd have to respect her privacy. So from now on he wouldn't mention swimming pools again... he didn't want to cause her the suffering that he had witnessed in her... never again.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

After spending two weeks in the hospital, Lou was finally released much to her glee. She would still have to be off work for a long time, but at least being at home she could find some distractions that would make her days shorter. Lou knew that while the wound in her stomach was not completely healed, Kid would not let her do much, but at least she could study and catch up with her obligations. Louise thought wryly that for one reason or another she was neglecting her duties this year, and she was starting to doubt if she would get the credit at the end of her fellowship. Of course it had not been her fault. So much had happened to her in these months that it was simply incredible.

Louise hoped that from now on things calmed down a bit. She had decided to focus on Kid and their tender relationship. As she had told him, she wanted to work to make their love succeed. She needed to devote time to him and intended to do so. Naturally she would not stop her volunteer activities but she would have to make a selection and combine both sides of her personal life. Kid had told her that he wanted to join her in her charity work and the idea brought a smile to her lips. Sharing interests would bring them closer, and it moved her deeply to think that he was ready to try new things for her sake.

Kid had dropped her at the apartment after she had been released from the hospital, but much to her chagrin he had to go back to the clinic that day. Teaspoon had been too lenient by allowing him to be off work for so many days, so he just could not ask for one more. The time on her own in the apartment had felt endless even though Theresa had come to see her in the afternoon. She missed Kid something terrible and could not wait to see him that evening.

As the time came closer, she thought she could surprise him by making a nice dinner although she was not very good at cooking. Lou was aware that Kid would not like to know she had been making a little physical effort when he had told her over and over again not to strain herself before he had left the apartment. _'He can say whatever he wants,'_ Lou thought with a smile and set to make dinner.

From what she found in the fridge she managed to cook a vegetable stew, which in her opinion was not very appetizing but her diet was still quite limited. Lou even took good care to dress the dining table with a nice tablecloth and use the cutlery and glassware that she supposed Kid reserved for special occasions. Lou even placed a candle in the middle of the table and a small vase with a few flowers selected from the ones she had been given during her stay in the hospital. Lou giggled amusedly, thinking how strange she felt arranging every detail for what she thought was a romantic dinner. She did not know much about these things, but she remembered seeing an old movie once in which the lady did the same for her man and she was just copying her.

About half an hour before Kid was expected back home, the phone rang. It was him, and to her disappointment he told her that he would be late. Apparently, he had had an emergency, and then, he had been summoned to a meeting with the department which Lou knew would last for hours. So Louise found herself eating on her own at the beautiful table she had arranged the first night after leaving the hospital. She felt very disappointed and lonely. All day she had been longing to spend these hours of the evening with Kid, and now probably she would not get to see him at all, she thought as she looked at the clock and saw how late it was. Louise had spent the hour or so after dinner flipping through the television channels as an automaton but nothing caught her attention. After yawning for the umpteenth time, she decided it was time to go to bed and with a sullen countenance she finally made it to her room.

Kid pulled into the garage a few minutes before twelve. It had been a very long and hard day, and on top of it all, because of that stupid meeting, he had not been able to spend time with Lou. She would probably be asleep by now, and his suspicions got confirmed when on entering his apartment all the lights were off. He walked straight to his bedroom. He kicked off his shoes, stripped out of his suit and simply put on his pajama bottoms, the only garment he usually slept in. A knock on the door surprised him and without wasting any time he opened it.

"Hey!" Kid greeted her with a big smile, and when he noticed her eyes focused on his naked chest, he quickly grabbed a T-shirt and slid into it. As he turned back to her, his hand caressed her cheek. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine... still a bit sore, but fine," Louise replied and then let him guide her lips towards his.

"Gosh, Lou, I missed you so much today!" he exclaimed when their kiss finished.

"Me too," she admitted shyly and for a few minutes she stood in silence at the threshold of his bedroom, debating with herself whether to carry out her intentions. She really wanted this and ignoring the nagging voices in her mind, she started awkwardly, "Uh... Kid... somehow I feel unable to sleep on my own. Would it... Can I sleep here with you tonight?"

At her words Kid stared at her agape; nothing could have surprised him more, and as he remained in stunned silence, she started to feel embarrassed and tried to turn round. Kid panicked, thinking that he had offended her with his foolish behavior. "Please Lou... of course you can stay with me!" he said exultingly. "Please come in!"

As she slid into the bedroom, Kid thought that his mouth would be sore tomorrow from smiling so much. Her request had made him the happiest man on earth. They were just going to sleep in the same bed, and it was not such a big deal, but it was for him. It was a new step in their relationship, which clearly meant that they were moving in the right direction.

Louise got under the bedding, feeling a bit jittery. Kid did not protest when he saw that she had taken his usual side of the bed. It did not matter to him. He soon followed suit and lay down next to her. In the dark Kid longed to reach for her and bring her body against him, but he refrained from doing so because he did not want her to think he was pressing her. For a while he simply kept quiet, listening to her soft intakes of air. For some reason her breathing sounded too quick, and he thought that she must be feeling awkward. Kid was aware that this was a gigantic leap for her and could understand that she was nervous.

His right arm slowly stretched over the length of the bed and when his hand softly touched her shoulder, he noticed that she was trembling like a leaf. "Lou, are you cold? Do you want me to get a blanket?"

Louise tried to speak and when she opened her mouth, a sob escaped her lips as the tears started flowing from her eyes. "Lou..." Kid exclaimed with a concerned voice and quickly sat up. As he switched on the light, he found her lying curled up and her arms covering her head as if trying to protect herself from something. Her body was shivering from the sobs that she was trying to muffle. Kid stared down at her in confusion for a few moments, thinking how small and defenseless she looked. "Lou? What's wrong? Are you having a nightmare?"

The sound of his voice snapped her out of the world her mind had found herself in and before Kid could react, she fled from the bed and locked herself in his bathroom. Kid was not sure what was happening, and worried that her tears had something to do with the wound on her stomach, he knocked on the bathroom door. "Lou, honey, are you all right?"

He could hear her crying and unsure of what all this was about, he simply stood by the door waiting. Inside, Lou was sobbing. She felt unable to remain unaffected as Kid lay by her side. It was totally ridiculous, but it was her problem... a huge, frightening problem. This was worse than she had thought. She knew that her hopes that her fears would disappear with time had come to nothing.

The idea that she needed to talk to Kid and tell him became more urgent. It was not only her problem because it was affecting them both. Yeah, it was time to talk about that even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. He might end up leaving her for this. It was understandable. He was a man that did not need all this baggage, and it would be very selfish of her to ask him to wait for her. No, she would accept whatever he might decide, she thought as she furiously rubbed her eyes before unlocking the door and going out to him.

As soon as she stepped out, Kid engulfed her in his arms. Lou let herself be comforted and relished his warmth and smell, fearing that this might be the last time for them. She could not understand how she had all these mixed-up feelings. She loved him and actually wanted him, but when she had lain in the bed next to him, it had felt as if his body was not the one who slept by her, and a terrible fear had invaded her.

Louise pulled away slightly and looking up at him, she whispered, "I need to tell you something."

Kid nodded, and Louise grabbed his hand, guiding him to the bed where they both sat across each other. She remained in silence for a few seconds and then he said, "Lou, it's quite late, and you should be resting. Why don't we leave this for tomorrow?"

Lou shook her head energetically. "No... I might chicken out then. This is something I need to tell you... something I thought was long buried and forgotten, but it's resurfaced and is harming me... us... our relationship... more than I thought it ever would."

"You know you can tell me anything," Kid replied as he caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"You're not going to like it," Louise muttered uncomfortably, "and I'm not sure what will happen to us when it comes out in the open."

"Then I don't want to know!" Kid replied quickly. Her words scared him, and he'd rather be in the dark than do something that might spoil what they had.

"You have to, Kid!" Louise exclaimed. "It's hurting me and even though you don't know, it's hurting you too. Please let me tell you. It's not easy for me to take this step, but now I'm ready... I'm ready to talk."

Kid sighed and said between gritted teeth, "Then I guess I'm ready to listen."

"It's ... it's an old story. It happened over fifteen years ago," Lou started. Kid looked at her in confusion, not understanding how something that had occurred that long ago could affect him today. Yet, he did not say a word and Louise continued, "All this goes back to the time I was in high school. You can well imagine that I wasn't a popular girl back then. Everybody already called me "the nun" even though at that time I hadn't even joined the community... but well, I lived in the convent, and of course I didn't keep secret my desires to be consecrated one day. I already had strong convictions, but Marmee didn't let me take my first vows until I was eighteen. She said I was too young to make such a vital decision over my life."

"A very clever and sensible lady."

"Yeah, she is," Louise agreed and after a very brief pause, she continued, "Anyway, I was the target of mockery and teasing... I had no friends... at least no true friends. People were sometimes quite cruel, and I knew the boys... the boys were taking bets to see who... to see who did the nun first."

Seeing the bitter expression in her countenance, Kid squeezed her hand more tightly and said, "I'm so sorry, Lou."

"To tell you the truth, I didn't really care what everybody thought of me. I was quite happy despite everything. I simply kept focused on getting good grades and it was during that time I joined the school swim team." She paused briefly and as she continued, a dreamy look set in her face. "Oh... I loved to swim so much. I used to train for hours on end and adored every minute of it...that is… until it happened." The last part of her speech came out in a whisper and her countenance changed to bitterness.

"What happened, Lou?" Kid asked cautiously, feeling that she had reached the point in her account that he was afraid of hearing.

Louise inhaled deeply as her stomach churned with nerves. "Do... do you remember... the guy from the restaurant... the one my friend Charlotte's daughter befriended?"

"The child molester?"

"He used to work at my school... in maintenance. One day I was training in the pool... like usual. I had lost track of time, and it was quite late when I realized it was time to go home. Everybody was gone and the place was deserted." Lou stopped briefly to breathe in and then carried on. "As I emerged from the pool and started climbing the stairs, he was standing there, staring down at me. As soon as I saw his leering expression, I knew he was up to no good." Her voice trembled as she reached this point. "He started fooling around, trying to lull me, touch me ... and when I tried to get away, he became more violent. He gave me a strong push, and since I was dripping wet, I fell on the floor. I didn't have time to react as he came on top of me. I fought him but he started hitting me strongly. He punched me on my nose, making it bleed. I tried... I tried... I tried..." Lou could hardly continue as the tears blinded her eyes and the pain overwhelmed him.

Kid listened to her account with stunned silence. His hands automatically balled into fists and as he imagined the scene in his head he thought he was going to get sick. Now he could understand so many things... her apprehension, her apparent prudishness, her strange reactions... all that made sense now. "Shh... Lou, you don't have to say anything else," he said in a strained voice, trying to forget the pain and anger assaulting him and focusing on her.

Louise did not pay any heed to his words and continued. If she had reached this far, she needed to go all the way. "All I was able to say was 'please no' as he... attacked me. I couldn't fight him... I was paralyzed." She stopped to wipe her tears and then added in a husky whisper, "After that horrible day, my personal torment began. As that... that... monster raped me, I had the impression that my whole body was covered in oozing blood... when in reality it was just water from my swim. The smells of chlorine and blood flowing from my nose got stuck in my mind... mixed up with that horrible moment. From then on I took an aversion to water. Can you even imagine what it is like to have to take a shower because you can't stand your own body and feel ten thousand times worse? As water fell over me, I thought I was gonna die, feeling as it was happening again and again and again" Louise closed her eyes but the tears did not stop. She let out a sigh and continued with a weary voice, "I had to go to therapy for that, and I gradually managed to control it, but I've never been able to swim again... I can't even stand close to a swimming pool. Makes me sick."

Kid nodded as he remembered her reaction when they had gone to that covered pool the weekend away in the country. If he had known... "What happened to him, Lou?"

"Nothing much," she replied bitterly and Kid frowned in surprise. "I reported him to the police... but somehow people started saying that I had made up the whole thing... that I had been a willing participant and because I wanted to become a nun, I was telling a bunch of lies. So I got scared, and I simply didn't turn up at the trial. I was so stupid! Later I learned that he had a criminal record for sexual offenses he had somehow concealed from the school administration. How stupid... totally stupid!"

"No, Lou. You were young and traumatized."

Louise lifted her tearful eyes to him and taking both his hands in hers, she said, "Kid, I thought all that was in the past, but it's affecting me... affecting our relationship. I know you'd never hurt me, and I trust you with my life, but something inside me stops me every time I get close to you. Gosh, I can't even sleep in the same bed as you without freaking out!"

"Lou, who have you told about this?" Kid asked, caressing her hand softly.

"Everybody at school knew... the thing spread like wildfire," Lou replied with a mortified expression.

"No, Lou. I don't mean who knows... but who you talked to about that ... about how you felt."

Louise kept thoughtful for a few seconds and then said, "I ... guess Marmee and a few other sisters... but I don't think that could be called 'talk'. You know... it's not something I was comfortable with... especially at my age back then." She clearly remembered how she had locked herself in her room for weeks. She could hardly eat or sleep and had shed many tears. Marmee had stood by her side continually, comforting her and Lou had to admit that thanks to her, she had managed to carry on. Yet, after those first weeks nobody from her environment had ever mentioned the event again and she had only talked to that imposing psychologist for a few months.

"Lou, you never healed from that time," Kid said. "You need professional help... you can't continue suffering on your own... and you know, I'm here for you."

"Kid, what if I can't get over all that?" Louise exclaimed in a strained voice. "What if I never feel able to let you close? It's been over fifteen years... fifteen long years and I haven't been able to forget. You're so good... so generous... You deserve a real woman, and not just a shadow looking like one." As she uttered these last words, she felt her heart break in a thousand pieces, and the tears started once again. She had never wished ill to anybody, not even back then, but right now she was silently cursing the man who was going to make her lose the person she loved with all her soul.

"Lou, listen to me! You are a real, complete woman... the woman I love and I'm not going to let you doubt yourself, understand?" he said in a firm tone, hating the man who had hurt her all those years ago. "You're the only woman I want... You're not alone, and we'll beat this together. I promise."

Louise smiled through her tears, wanting to believe that she would manage to do it. She wanted to destroy the ghost that haunted her existence and start with Kid anew. She was very scared and suddenly her body started trembling. "Please, Kid, hug me," she begged in a despairing voice. "Please." His arms were instantly around her shivering body and Lou held to him as if her whole life was at stake because she felt it was. Her hands squeezed his back tightly and a muffled whisper escaped her lips. "I love you... I love you so much."

Kid held her against his chest, not breathing a single sound, but intent on letting her know that he felt the same. No words were necessary… she didn't need any… too many had been said tonight and all he wanted was to let her know that he was there for her, body and soul.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

Something changed after the night Louise had confessed her problems to Kid. That conversation had brought them closer, and she felt a deep connection to him that went beyond the limits of the love they had for each other. At first Lou had feared that after her confession he would treat her differently, wary of her reactions, reluctant to show his affection or thinking that she was a china doll that could break at any moment. Actually, he did treat her differently, but in another sense.

Since they had talked, he felt free to talk to her about anything... there was not awkwardness between them when he asked her anything about her assault and now Lou was not afraid to talk to him about it. Sometimes they spent hours and hours just in deep conversation... she had told him every detail about the rape, what had happened afterwards, how she had felt over the years and how she had tried to cope with it. Lou found that the more she talked about it, the better she felt later. It was as if her whole being had been clogged by all that stuff, and as she unloaded herself, she stopped feeling so bloated. Apart from this painful matter, they had also started sharing everything else that they had kept from each other in the months they had been together. Kid explained to her how desperately he had fallen in love with her almost from the beginning, and Louise described the turmoil she had gone through when she had first realized she had deep feelings for him. All these moments were definitely bringing them closer and they were rediscovering the person that they had fallen in love with.

Louise lay awake on the bed and turned her head to watch the outline in the twin bed opposite hers. After the memorable night two weeks ago where she had confessed her story, they had agreed to make some alterations to their habits. Kid had moved from the master bedroom to hers, and he was now sleeping in the other bed just a few feet from her. Lou was not ready to share a bed with him and not only did he understand that she needed time but also he wanted to respect her beliefs and values. When Kid had come up with the idea of sleeping in the same room like they had done in the country she had agreed from the first moment. She loved to know that he was close by… so close that if she extended her arm she could touch him. Hearing his outtakes of air relaxed her, and many nights she lay awake just seeing the steady movement of his chest as he peacefully slept like he was doing now.

There was a latent pain in her insides at the realization that she longed for this man with all her soul but was unable to cross the barrier that separated them. After watching him in silence for long minutes, Louise slowly sat up and in the dark slid out of her bed. All her self burned for him, and she stood there watching him, with a strange yearning that scared the lights out of her. She wanted to touch him, feel him, love him… A shiver coursed over her body and she forced herself to quiet the voices in her head. Her trembling hand dared to take the edge of his quilt and she considered seriously to get in the bed next to him and feel his warmth. Yet, the tears came to her eyes when she realized that she couldn't… she was too scared, too frightened… with a stronger fear than the desires she was feeling.

Covering her mouth to muffle her sobs, she dashed out of the bedroom and rushed to the kitchen. Her hands came to rest on the counter top as she silently cried. The frustration and pain that she was feeling was such that she wanted to scream. Lou could not keep still, and as a way to let off some steam she looked around herself, trying to find some small job to do. So spying the dirty plates left from dinner, she started to wash them up and later mopped the kitchen floor at a frantic pace that left her out of breath. After finishing, she plopped down onto a chair and buried her head on her crossed arms resting on the table. She felt so rotten that she just could not go back to the bedroom. At some point she realized that she had fallen asleep when she woke up suddenly, disoriented and momentarily wondering what she was doing in the kitchen. A quick look at the clock on the wall told her that it was early… one more hour and Kid would be waking up. There was no point in going back to her bed, so she switched on the coffee machine.

After the second mug of coffee she heard noises that told her that Kid was awake. He would have his daily shower and after getting dressed he would come looking for her. This was not the only time that Lou had left her bed, overwhelmed by her haunting thoughts, and found shelter in the kitchen or the living room, so she knew what to expect. A few minutes later she made breakfast and the food was served and steaming cups of coffee poured when he showed up.

"What time did you get up, Lou? I didn't hear you," he asked after kissing her good-morning and sitting at the table.

"I couldn't sleep," was Lou's curt answer. She did not want to talk about what had kept her awake tonight. He would get upset because she had not woken him up. Kid continuously told her that she should not face all this on her own and he was there for her at every step. Lou knew that he was serious but she just could not disturb his time of rest whenever she felt uneasy or troubled. He worked long hours and needed his sleep.

The couple had their breakfast while making small talk. When they finished, Kid took his check book out of his briefcase and ripped off a check which he handed to Lou. "This is for Magda," he said. "You know I should cut her pay since she obviously won't have to do much this week." Magda was the cleaning lady that came twice a week to his apartment. What he was referring to with his comment was the fact that Lou was lately doing the woman's job. During her recovery, she was trying anything possible to keep busy. Apart from catching up with her studies, she had spring cleaned Kid's whole apartment, washed all the curtains and all the linen, and had even rearranged all the drawers, cabinets and wardrobes.

"Kid, don't be such a scrooge! You know I get bored of being here all day long!"

"Lou, you still need to take it easy. That's why you're still on sick leave."

"But I feel fine!"

"Lou…"

"All right, all right! You win!" Louise let out slightly annoyed, and after a second's hesitation she added mischievously, "I won't try to rearrange the furniture like I planned."

"What?" Kid exclaimed with a shocked expression.

On seeing his expression of utter horror, Lou laughed as she said, "Please relax. I was just joking! You look as if you are about to have a heart attack!" Despite her words, Lou had actually considered changing a few pieces of furniture here and there, but she knew that Kid would have her hide if she tried to do so.

Kid shook his head as he rose from the table. "Just be a good girl, will you?" he said and he stooped to kiss her on the lips. "I'll see you this afternoon, all right?"

"Yeah…" she replied unenthusiastically before he kissed her again and left. As Kid had told her, Louise had finally admitted that she could not get over her trauma on her own. She needed professional help, but they had decided that she would not start therapy straightway and let herself have some time to recover from the shooting. So now that she felt better, she had made an appointment to see Dr. Schneider today, the same psychiatrist that had treated her for the panic attack she had suffered months ago. Louise was not looking forward to it, but knew that it was something she had to do.

Trying to heed Kid's words, Lou tried to find other ways to distract her lonely, bored mind. She switched on the television but after an hour of flipping through the channels, she finally gave up. The 3,000-piece jigsaw puzzle that Kid had bought her ended up giving her a headache and did not distract her any. As she walked into the kitchen to take an aspirin, she caught sight of the vacuum and the mop through the ajar door of the cleaning closet. So after downing the aspirin, she did not think about it twice and got down to do some physical work. She cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed the bedrooms, the corridors and the living room, and ran the washing machine twice. When she was finishing ironing the laundry, she heard the front door open. Magda, the cleaning lady, appeared and stood in the threshold, looking around the spotless kitchen.

"Hello, Magda," Louise said sheepishly.

"How are you, Dr. McCloud? Well, you don't need to say anything since I can see that you are much better."

"Yeah…"

Magda walked up to her and Louise shyly stretched her arm to give her the check Kid had left. "You know you should be the one to keep that money since you have done all the work," the woman said pointedly.

"This is yours… consider this time a break."

"I imagine that Dr. Kydd won't be too excited about you doing all the work," Magda replied, sure of what she was talking about. She had known her employer for over five years and was sure he wouldn't appreciate seeing his convalescent girlfriend strain herself with physical work.

"Well… that will be our little secret, won't it?" Louise answered sheepishly and when the woman made an indefinite gesture, she added, "Why don't you keep me company for a bit and then if you don't mind, can you drive me to the hospital? I'm supposed to meet Kid there."

About forty minutes later Magda left Lou at the entrance of the clinic and drove away. Her colleagues had received her with smiles and even balloons and presents. Lou was glad to feel better with each passing day and hoped she would be back to work soon. In truth, she was really forward to going back to work. She loved her job, which made her feel alive and useful. Unfortunately her fellowship would be over in a few months and she would find herself jobless. Kid was right; she needed to think what she was going to do when that happened. She was still unsure of what she wanted. Kid had suggested she could resume the internship in pediatrics she had left unfinished when she had gone to Guam. Her other option would be to find a job as a GP in a medical center. She had to think things through and take her time to make up her mind.

At the end of his working day Kid came to find her in the break room where she had been waiting. He had promised that he would go to Dr. Schneider's with her. Lou did not really feel like going to the psychiatrist and tell a stranger about something so intimate and painful. Yet, she knew she had to take that step if she did not want to ruin what she had with Kid. It was obvious that she could not get over her problems on her own, and if things between her and Kid progressed, they would marry one day so she needed to lose all her fears to physical closeness.

Louise was a nervous wreck as she walked out of the elevator towards the exit. As they were crossing the reception, Emily called her. "This letter is for you, Lou. It looks kind of important."

Louise took the letter and both she and Kid looked at it curiously. The front of the envelope contained an elaborate coat of arms, which Lou recognized as the Vatican insignia. "What do you think it is?" Kid asked.

"I... I don't know," Lou replied and without further delay she ripped the letter open. There were three sheets inside the envelope and as soon as her eyes quickly scanned their contents, she knew what they were about.

Kid was having a look over her shoulder and could see that one of the papers was written in Latin, the second one in Italian and the last one in English, but Lou went through them so quickly that he had no time to read any words he could understand. "What's that, Lou?" he asked, unable to hold back his curiosity.

"It's my dispensation... from the Pope," she explained, and in a soft voice she muttered almost to herself, "It's strange... it usually takes much longer than this."

"And what does that mean?" he asked again.

Before Lou could answer, Emily stepped in. "That you can marry her now, silly ... well, if you want to." Louise blushed at her friend's comment but kept a serious countenance that did not go unnoticed by the receptionist. "That's good news for you, isn't it, Lou?"

"Uh... yeah," Louise replied awkwardly. "Uh... thanks for keeping this for me, Em. We have to go now."

"Bye then... and take care of yourself. I'll call you next week, and we can meet for lunch some day," the receptionist replied and Lou smiled, nodding at her suggestion.

The couple continued towards the exit and as they crossed the area leading to the parking lot, Kid kept looking at her with concern. He had noticed that she seemed troubled after getting that letter, and he wondered why. "What's wrong, Lou?"

"Wrong?" she repeated innocently.

"You look kind of sullen. Like Emily said, I thought that letter of freedom was good for us, but maybe I am wrong."

"It is good," Louise replied, slightly annoyed, "but I can't help feeling a bit sad. It's difficult for me to say goodbye forever to my past life. You know I'm happy with you, and I don't regret anything that has happened between us, but that was my only life for many years. I just can't act as if I don't care."

"Forgive me," Kid promptly apologized. "You're right. I'm sorry."

"And this thing with the psychiatrist isn't helping to raise my spirits either!" Lou exclaimed between gritted teeth, ignoring his apology.

"Lou, you don't have to go if you don't really feel like it, but you know it's for your own good."

"Yeah..." Lou muttered unhappily and no more words were exchanged as they continued their way to his car.

About twenty minutes later they arrived at the private practice that Dr. Schneider had in one of the poshest neighborhoods in the city. As they sat in the waiting room, Kid could feel her anxiety as she dug her nails in his hand. He leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Lou, please relax."

"That's easy for you to say," she retorted irritated. Kid had learned not to contradict her when she was in a difficult mood, and he simply brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. Louise smiled despite everything and it was then that the nurse told them that she could go in. Louise looked at Kid with fearful eyes, and he caressed her back encouragingly as he said, "You'll be fine, honey. Don't worry. I'll be waiting for you right here."

Louise nodded as she rose to her feet and reluctantly walked into the psychiatrist's office. Kid stared at her figure with a mixture of concern and apprehension. He really hoped that everything went all right for her. It was understandable that she felt so insecure and shaky. Going through the turmoil of retelling that terrible event wasn't easy at all despite the years that had passed. Kid could imagine that living with that constant fear could be totally shattering and he hated to see the woman he loved with all his heart in that state.

Lou had told him that those memories had bothered her in just some precise situations over the years and it was after they had started their relationship that the memories were constantly haunting her. Kid could guess that it was something logical. Lou had been a nun for many years, and therefore her sexuality had been kind of exiled, but now their romance was making her face the ghost she had simply given the slip all these years ago. Hopefully, Lou would be able to sort out her mess. In fact, she looked better and seemed more and more cheerful with each passing day; Lou was a strong and capable woman and Kid had all his faith in her because he was sure that if somebody could get over something so terrible, that somebody was her.

While all these thoughts spun in Kid's mind, Lou had got inside the psychiatrist's office. Dr. Schneider had a very elegant and cozy place to receive her patients and as soon as she saw Louise, she rose from her seat behind the big mahogany table and came to shake hands with her. "Hello, Dr. McCloud. I was surprised to see you on my patient list. I haven't talked to you for months now. Have you been suffering from panic attacks again?"

Lou sat down opposite the woman and said, "Well... not really." She paused to arrange her thoughts and added, "A... a lot has happened to me lately." She stopped a second time to breathe in deeply and added, "I'm not a nun anymore... and... and... I'm in love."

"I see," Dr. Schneider replied, grabbing her pad and starting to jot down some notes. "Are all those changes affecting your life negatively then?"

"Well... it hasn't been easy... but that's not the reason why I'm here," Louise admitted and then proceeded to tell her what she had explained to Kid just about ten days ago. "I'm ready to do anything to get past all that," she added after she finished her account. "I just can't go on like this."

"Tell me something, Louise... can I call you Louise?" Lou nodded and the psychiatrist continued. "Can you tell me why exactly you are here? Is it because you intend to cross that barrier and get on intimate terms with your partner?"

At her question Louise blushed like a schoolgirl and stammered her answer, "Uh... well... maybe someday. If the moment ever comes, I want to be able to be free of all the demons that terrify me."

"You know that's up to you... I can't guarantee you a miraculous recovery," Dr Schneider admitted. "We'll work on that, and if you put out your best efforts, we might make some progress."

Louise nodded. "I know what you're saying. I more or less know the procedures."

"How's that?" Dr Schneider asked curiously.

"Uh… while in Guam, I had to treat victims of sexual abuse and even act as a counselor… you know, there wasn't enough qualified staff in the clinic."

"And how did you feel advising women that had gone through the same as you, Dr. McCloud?"

Louise shrugged her shoulders. "I… I guess, fine. It was … it was different."

"Different?"

"It was as if my mind was isolated from all that… as if those women had nothing to do with me," Louise explained. "Actually, I never saw myself in them. I guess I thought that what… what happened to me was just a bad memory and I had got over that." It was true. She had believed that she was over all that... that she had no problems... of course, she knew she had some sort of phobia of swimming pools, but nothing else had bothered her until these last months.

"But you apparently aren't over that, are you?" Dr. Schneider asked again.

Louise shook her head sadly. From those times in Guam she had read a lot about sexual abuse from a medical and psychological point of view, but she had never tried to apply all that to herself. Maybe she had wanted to convince herself that in reality her rape had never taken place. If she ignored and forgot all that, it would be as if it had not happened. But that apparently had not worked and she was in deep trouble. Lou swore to herself that she would do everything to face her fears and destroy all that… if not for her… for Kid.

An hour later Louise walked out of the psychiatrist's office and Kid instantly rose from his chair to meet her. He gave her a quick hug and they both left the place immediately. "How did it go?" he asked, genuinely interested when they were inside the elevator.

Louise shrugged her shoulders as she said, "I'm very tempted to say that this one will be my first and last session with her."

"Why so?"

"Kid, she asked me a lot of embarrassing questions! I feel my cheeks are still burning from all that!" Louise exclaimed in a whining voice. "Questions about us... about our relationship... about my carnal desires."

Kid managed to keep a straight face even though he had the urge to chuckle at her cute shyness. He knew that the matter was nothing to laugh at but she looked so adorable as she pouted like a little girl that he felt a deep longing for her that he could hardly repress. Yet, he stood there impassive and said, "I don't know, Lou. I guess it's natural."

"She even wants you and me to have a co-session from time to time," Lou added with the same expression. "I can't see the point of it. You don't need therapy!"

"Lou, she's the professional and knows what's best. I guess that since I'm your... your man, what affects you affects me too... you said that yourself."

"Yeah... or maybe she wants to get double fees at our expense," Louise moaned unhappily.

"Lou, I think you're exaggerating," Kid dared to say and when she sent him a dangerous glare, he stopped the direction he was taking. Instead he passed an arm over her shoulders, bringing her against his body and he asked, "What are you going to do then? I told you it's up to you whether you want to keep coming and I'll accept whatever you decide."

Louise sighed and felt a bit irritated at his words. He might say that she could do whatever she liked, but who could refuse when he looked at her with those eyes of his and talked with that soft voice? "I guess I can give it another go," Lou muttered reluctantly.

"That's my girl!" Kid exclaimed enthusiastically as he kissed her on the cheek. "No wonder I love you so much... cause you're such a clever lady."

"And you're such a silly flatterer," Lou remarked teasingly, sticking her tongue out at him. Her previous irritation gone, she laughed alongside him. The elevator door opened when it reached the ground floor and they slid out hand in hand, both feeling this was the first step to close the gap that lay before them, which from where they stood looked immense and frightening like the deep ocean, but their faith in their love would manage to give them the strength and energy to cross the immensity of the unknown. Nothing would stop them... nothing, nothing at all.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

When Kid returned home that night, he found Lou in a bath robe while sitting on the sofa and talking on the phone. Her hair was damp from the shower she had taken and as she saw him appear, she smiled at him and continued talking to the person at the other end of the line. "Look, Tessie, Kid's here. We're going out tonight, and I still need to get dressed. Just do what I told you, all right?" Louise hung up and still sitting on the sofa, she lifted her eyes to Kid and said, "Annie's running a slight fever, apparently she caught a cold in the park yesterday."

"Lou, we can put off tonight's dinner and go to see her instead," Kid replied while looking intently at the pale flesh of her thigh from a gap in the opening of her bath robe.

"No, Kid. It's just a cold, and if Tessie needs anything, she knows your cell phone number. I'm really looking forward to spending some quality time with you," she said, rising to her feet and walking closer to him, ready to give him the welcoming kiss she always reserved for her man. Yet, Kid lifted his hand to her, conveying she should stop and Louise frowned in confusion.

"Please stay away from me," he elaborated. "I'm trying my hardest not to imagine what you _aren't_ wearing under that robe, but I can't guarantee I can do that if you come any closer."

Louise let out a peal of laughter at his comment. She really loved his sincerity and the way he expressed from time to time how her presence affected him both physically and emotionally. Louise had to admit that he also had that effect on her even though she still felt wary of showing him her love in a physical way. "Well, I better get changed then," she said with a wink and purposefully brushed against him towards her bedroom.

Kid chuckled as he followed her and went into his bedroom, which he now only used to keep his clothes in, and proceeded to get changed. He had a quick shower and then put on a blue polo shirt, a pair of jeans and a navy sports jacket. After straightening his hair and almost showering in his favorite aftershave, he walked back to the living room in a casual way. Yet, as he stepped into the living room, he stopped dead in his tracks and his mouth almost hit the floor in awe when he caught sight of Louise.

She was sitting on a chair and her waist was bent over as she tried to do a tiny buckle on one of her elegant shoes. The dress she was wearing wrapped around her figure tightly; the skirt reached just a couple of inches over her knees, revealing the whole length of her well-shaped legs to his eyes for the first time. Because of her stooping position and the low-cut neck of her dress, Kid found himself having a good view of her cleavage and even her bra. He kept staring at her with a stunned expression and when she lifted her body and the vision he had utterly enjoyed disappeared from his sight, he almost let out a groan in disappointment.

"Hey!" she exclaimed as she rose to her feet, ignorant of where his whole attention had been drawn seconds ago. She came closer to him and Kid simply stood there, silent and staring at her wide-eyed. Louise even had to wave her hand in front of his face to snap him out of his momentous torpor. "Kid, are you all right?"

"Yeah... sorry," he replied with a sheepish grin. "It's... it's ... you're breathtaking in that dress... I can hardly avert my eyes from you."

Louise smiled, pleased by his words. "Gloria told me that I should try to wear something I'd feel feminine in. So I bought this thing," she explained as her hand brushed over her side.

"Gloria?" Kid asked in confusion.

"Uh... Dr. Schneider."

"You seem to have warmed to her finally," he pointed out with a smile.

"I guess," Louise muttered. It was true that she had been very reluctant to keep going to her therapy sessions, but even though very slowly, she felt she was making progress. It was not easy at all, but somehow her mind was not so crowded with the rubble she had piled up over the years. One thing she had been working very hard on was her trust. She had told Kid that she trusted him completely, but in her talks with Dr. Schneider Lou had discovered that in reality she had a profound mistrust of men. This discovery was a first step to solve her emotional problems that had been followed by a series of small ones in the right direction. Lou did not know if she would ever dare to get intimate with Kid, but at least she was trying her hardest to overcome what lay in her way. "Don't you think it's a bit flashy?" she asked as she spun around to show him her new dress.

"I think it's perfect... you look beautiful," Kid replied truthfully as his eyes kept admiring her with obvious rapture. "What I won't appreciate is when other men give you the eye tonight."

"But I don't care about other men... I only care about you," she said in a husky voice as her arms came to clasp around his neck and pushing herself on her tiptoes she brushed her lips over his.

Kid smiled proudly when the kiss ended, feeling that with each passing day he fell more and more in love with her. As they walked hand in hand toward the garage of his building, he thought that Lou had changed a great deal already. So far she had been very shy and reluctant to take the first step in showing her affection to him, but lately she seemed more forward and less afraid of her own feelings.

As they approached his parking space, Louise frowned and pointing at it, she said, "Somebody has parked in your space, Kid." There was a blue medium-size car where Kid usually left his expensive BMW.

Kid chuckled amused and when they came closer to the place, he replied, "No, Lou. That's our car now."

Louise's forehead creased in confusion as they reached the car and Kid unlocked it. "What do you mean? Is your car being serviced or what?"

"No, Lou. I told you. This is our new car from now on," Kid answered. "I didn't tell you because I wanted to give you a little surprise. I've sold the BMW and bought this one instead. I knew you never liked it..."

"But Kid... you shouldn't have done that!" Lou exclaimed. "You loved that car!"

"But not as much as I love you," he said while wrapping his arms around her body, which sparked a smile from her. "Besides, I got myself a good deal. So with the money I made out of it, I bought this cute one and ... I could now send a decent "gift" for the Spencers."

Louise stared at him admiringly. In the last couple of weeks Kid had joined her whenever she went to the social hall. She was aware that initially he wanted to make sure that she was safe, but soon to her utter surprise he had been very taken by all the activity there. It was obvious that he loved helping as much as she did, and lately he never stopped talking about it in an overexcited way. A few weeks ago he had met a family there, who had made a strong impression on him. Both Mr. and Mrs. Spencer had terminal cancer and had very meager means to support their three children. She knew that he had already helped them economically on another occasion and had arranged for the married couple to see a specialist doctor, friend of his.

"Oh Kid, I'm so proud of you," she exclaimed, hugging him tightly.

Kid smiled sheepishly and added, "That won't solve all their problems, but it's a help. And well...I've thought we could go and visit them this week... see how they are doing and buy some medicine."

"I think that's an excellent idea!"

"And now, milady, how about you and me enjoy the evening?" he said as he opened the car door for her gentleman-like. Louise smiled brightly as she slid inside, feeling as if her chest would burst of happiness. The car he had bought was not half as comfortable as his old one, and secretly Lou found herself missing its smooth leather seats and the soft sound of its engine, but this was something that she would never confess to Kid. She had teased him continuously about the way he fussed over his spotless car, and if he knew that she was also fond of it, she would never hear the end of it.

The couple had a lovely night as they enjoyed a delicious meal at a little, cute restaurant in an out-of-the-way street downtown. As it was the middle of the week, the place was quite empty, with just a few couples at the other tables. Lou felt that the night could not get any more perfect: she was enjoying the company of the man she loved as they quietly talked and tasted a beautiful meal. During the whole evening Lou did not fail to notice Kid's appreciative looks at her figure, and how his eyes continuously darted to her bosom. For some reason she did not feel uncomfortable but quite opposite... she was pleased to have her man so drawn to her.

When dinner was over, they decided to go for a stroll along the promenade bordering the river. Louise hooked her arm around his as they walked and enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere of the nightly city. Kid kept staring at her, thinking how lucky he was to have her in his life. They had gone through quite rough times at the beginning of their relationship and the worst moment had been the fear he had felt when he had been about to lose her when she had been shot. He had never been so scared in his life... actually, he was still scared that something might happen to her. They were fine now and Kid had learned his lesson. Here and now was all they had, and he shouldn't take anything for granted. As all his thoughts kept rolling in his mind, a revelation struck him.

Kid halted his steps, making her stop as well. Louise turned to him with a questioning expression and without a preamble, he blurted out, "Marry me, Lou." Louise's eyes widened in obvious surprise, and he continued, "I don't have an engagement ring or anything. Actually, I didn't plan to propose to you tonight, and I guess this is not the proposal you deserve. But... but just now I've realized that you're all I want. Life's too short, and I really long to be married to you and spend the rest of my existence with you."

Louise averted her bright eyes, and smiled candidly. "That's very sweet of you."

"Lou... that wasn't the answer I expected. You know, you're supposed to say yes or no," he replied as he took her hand and caressed it with his thumb.

She sighed as a flood of emotions washed over her. "Kid, there's a whole bunch of reasons why I should say no to your beautiful proposal and only one why I should accept."

At her words Kid's face fell with disappointment and asked, "What are those reasons?"

"You know we've only been together for just a few months."

"But Lou, we've known each other longer than that... I've loved you almost from the first day I met you, and, in any case, time is just a relative notion... years might come and go but that won't make me surer than I am now."

"I might have difficulties conceiving the child I know you want so much... I lost an ovary when I was shot, remember?"

"Of course I remember," Kid replied, shuddering as she mentioned that terrible event. "Lou, you know that doesn't mean you can't have babies. Many women function perfectly with just one ovary... and even if you can't have children, I don't care."

"Don't you? And what if the reason why I can't become a mother is because I'm not able to ... to perform my marital duties," Louise insisted stubbornly. "I'm working on it hard, but I haven't overcome my fears... maybe I never will."

"Lou, you can't be so negative!" he exclaimed. "You'll be fine but..." Kid paused and taking her hand, he planted a soft kiss on it. "But, Lou, you know I'm ready to wait for you as long as it takes... However, if we never get to make love... I'll accept it because I love you."

Louise stared at him skeptically. "Kid, what kind of marriage will that be? It will make you miserable... you know that," Lou muttered in a sad voice.

"What would make me miserable is to be without you," he continued.

"I don't know, Kid."

Her refusal frustrated him, not understanding how she could not see that he was serious and ready to assume all the risks that marriage meant. He knew what he wanted and what he was getting himself into. Even though he had not planned to ask her to marry him, he had never been so sure about anything before. Kid released her hand, feeling annoyed, and crossing his arms over his chest, he asked in a stiff tone, "So tell me, what is the only reason why you'd be ready to marry me?"

Louise lifted her liquid eyes to his bitter ones, and brushing her hand against his upper arm, she whispered, "I'd say yes because... because I love you with all my heart."

At her words his coldness melted and his mouth split into a goofy smile. Intertwining his hands in hers, he fixed his gaze into hers as he exclaimed, "Then say yes, Lou! I love you and you love me, and that's why people get married, don't they? Lou, we've gone through a lot and we've got over everything together. I just know that this is right ... I feel it."

"I know that," Louise admitted.

Kid smiled and after a brief lapse he dropped on one knee while holding her hand in a proper fashion. His deep blue eyes lifted to hers and asked, "Louise McCloud, will you marry me?"

Louise kept quiet for a few seconds, considering his question seriously. Her mind kept repeating all the reasons she had mentioned to him. It scared her to think that she'd be unable to make him happy. Yet, despite the rumble in her head, her heart swelled with love as she stared at his hopeful expression. A bright smile lit her face at the same time she exclaimed, "Yes... yes, I will."

Louise dropped to her knees and in an automatic motion they both clung to each other and their lips eagerly met with such a force that she ended up on top of him on the ground. They laughed as they hugged, sprawled on the sidewalk, not caring about the looks of the passers-by. The evening had turned out much better than they had thought. All the obstacles seemed to disappear from her mind and all she could see now was the future... a long future with Kid, which she hoped could be as bright and clear as the starry night above them.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

The news of their engagement soon became public knowledge, and when she went back to work a couple of weeks later, nobody missed a chance to tease her and Kid for their coming marriage. The couple had already set a date for their wedding and in exactly five weeks from now they would be husband and wife. Louise was still worried about the physical part of their relationship. With the help of Dr. Schneider, she was feeling less anxious, but would that be enough to enjoy a complete marital life with Kid?

Concerned by the matter, Lou had even tried to prove herself that she could be the woman that he needed and deserved. So one evening she had waited for him with the intention of going all the way to the end. She had been a nervous wreck and when Kid had arrived, she had let him know in a very obvious way what she intended. Yet, he had stopped her, saying that he was not going to allow her to turn her back on her beliefs for his sake or just because she simply wanted to prove something to herself. There were just a few weeks left until their wedding, and he was ready to wait till then. His thoughtful attitude had moved Lou greatly, but the worry that their marriage could be condemned to fail because of her problems ate her.

In these couple of weeks they had used the little free time they had to make arrangements for their wedding. Louise had talked her friend Shane into conducting the ceremony. Since Kid was not a Catholic, they would have a mixed religious wedding. Lou just could not accept that he would change his beliefs for her sake...actually, she would hate it if he did so. Lou knew that their different views would never be a problem because they had learned the hard way that they could get over anything they put their hearts to. So the manner they had been taught to regard the good Lord would never be a complication.

Shane had accepted her request and their wedding would be held in the small church that was in the village Kid had first met the priest during that memorable weekend. The priest was doing them a favor and doing the pre-cana training with them privately. They had already gone to one of the sessions they were supposed to attend and due to Lou's special circumstances and past history, Shane was also pulling some strings to speed the procedure. Neither of them wanted a big, fancy thing, but something intimate with just their friends and colleagues, her family and former sisters as guests. Kid had written a letter to her brother, telling him that he was going to get married and wanted to invite him, but the doctor doubted he would come. The reception would also be simple, but they had not chosen where it would take place yet.

The problem Lou had to face in all this fuss of arrangements centered on finding a wedding dress she felt comfortable in. Theresa had already dragged her to a dozen shops in the city, and if it were for her to decide, her sister would have her wrapped in a ridiculously intricate combination of frills, lace and beading. Louise just wanted something simple... something that did not make her feel as if she was wearing a carnival costume. All she wanted was to be herself when she appeared before Kid that day. Theresa kept nagging her, but Lou had decided not to pay her any heed. This was her wedding, and she would have it the way she liked and that was final.

Sitting at the writing desk, Louise tried to concentrate on the book splayed out before her, doing her best to catch up with her studies and the outstanding work. Despite everything that had happened in these months, she was progressing nicely in the hospital and Teaspoon had told her she had nothing to worry about. The sound of the front door opening brought a smile to her lips, which brightened when Kid showed up in the living room. He walked straight to her and softly kissed her on the lips.

"Tired?" she asked as he started to remove his jacket and loosen his tie.

"Very," Kid admitted as he flopped down on the sofa heavily a few feet away from her. He had stayed for an operation which had turned out to be more complicated than he had initially bargained for. "You can't imagine how glad I am to be at home."

"You rest now, and I'll make dinner," Louise offered as she rose to her feet and came closer to him.

"That's not fair, Lou. You also had a hard day."

"No protests, Dr. Kydd." she said, placing her hands on his shoulders as she hovered over his sitting figure. "You know I'm fine and I don't feel tired or anything."

Kid framed her slim waist with his wide hands and smiled. "What have I done to deserve somebody like you?" Louise laughed and sat on his lap, cuddling against him. Kid tightened his hold on her waist and asked, "So, honey, what have you been doing with yourself while you waited for your fiancé to come home?"

"Just did some studying," Lou replied unenthusiastically.

Kid's eyes darted to the desk she had been previously been sitting at and next to her books he caught sight of a neat pile of envelopes. His gaze returned to her and he said, "Lou, you told me you'd send the wedding invitations today."

Louise let out a soft grunt, tired of the same line every day and lowering from his lap onto the sofa, she muttered, "Kid, we can't send them yet."

"Lou, we're getting married in just five weeks," he reminded her. "Or is it you're having second thoughts about it?" he asked with a certain apprehension.

"Of course not!" Louise exclaimed, slightly annoyed. "But, Kid, I haven't told Marmee... and the other sisters yet. They're my family... have been for years. I just can't send them an invitation as if they were mere acquaintances."

"I see."

"I promise I'll talk to her on Friday."

"And why not tomorrow?" Kid asked pointedly. He knew that her reticence had a great deal to do with her apprehension to talk with the nun, and she was not doing any favors if she put off facing the woman.

Louise looked at him with a miffed expression and seeing the silent challenge in his eyes, she crossed her arms over her chest and lifting her chin in a cocky pose, she said, "Fine... fine! Tomorrow then!"

Kid smiled and placing a kiss on her cheek, he exclaimed, "Good girl! And while I make dinner, you think about what you're gonna tell your Marmee. I understand you're a bit... uh... scared."

As he rose and headed for the kitchen, Lou threw him a cushion at him as she cried, "I'm not scared! Take that back right now!"

"Whatever you say, my dear," he said teasingly without turning his head towards her.

"Kid!" she shouted, irritated at his obvious brush-off.

He stopped and turning round towards her this time, he added, "Can you see how perfectly we fit? We are already bickering like an old married couple. We are destined to be together. You should tell her that."

Winking at her, he continued towards the kitchen. Louise could not help but smile amused. He had a way about himself that made it impossible for her to stay angry for long. Besides, he was somewhat right. She was not scared, but it was true that she felt a bit apprehensive of Marmee's reaction to her announcement. That was why she had been putting off the whole thing. Lou knew that telling her the news would not be a piece of cake. Marmee had supported her when she had decided to break her vows but knowing her as well as Lou did, the doctor was sure that her decision had not truly sat well with her. Her opinion was evident in the way she treated Kid whenever they met. Lou was sure that it was not that Marmee did not like him, but since he represented the reason why she had left the convent, the nun had channeled her irritation to him. Marmee could be quite strict in her views, but eventually she would let go and Louise was certain she would love Kid dearly... one day. In the meantime, she would have to do her best to swim in these turbulent waters and tomorrow she might be up for a very interesting moment... no doubt about that.

* * *

The following day after work Kid drove Lou to the convent in his new car. Louise remained still in the vehicle for a few minutes, not eager to get out of it and he asked, "Would you like me to go with you?"

"No, Kid. This is something I have to do on my own," Lou replied and as she saw him change his expression to obvious relief, she teasingly punched him on the arm as she exclaimed, "You should have the decency to try to pretend a bit with me! It's not very nice of you to look so happy because I released you from talking to the woman who's the closest you'll have to a mother-in-law!"

Kid chuckled and did not try to reply to her. As she got out of the car, he craned his head out of the window and said, "I'll be waiting for you here. And please give my regards to Mother."

Louise shook her head, grinning and after waving him goodbye, she headed for the entrance of the convent. Like every time she went visiting, Marmee was waiting for her and opened the stout door as soon as she rang the bell. The two women hugged and the old nun instantly asked Lou how she was doing. Even though Louise had been given a clean bill of health over a week ago and had gone back to work, Marmee still phoned her every day to inquire after her health. As the two women walked to the drawing room, the nun went over the same topic once again... how utterly shocked and broken she still was by the notion that an apparently harmless man like Vinnie could have got to those limits, and how sorry she was at the way he had met his death.

Lou listened to her patiently without attempting to join her comments. Talking about Vinnie made her very uncomfortable. She had not completely accepted what had happened. It was something that went beyond her comprehension. Vinnie had never hurt a soul, and Louise imagined that he had not been actually aware of what he was doing that day. Three people had died, and she had almost been his fourth victim, but that was not what kept worrying her. In fact, her guilty conscience nagged her since she felt she could have avoided those deaths and of course his loss. If she had stopped to talk to him when he had asked her to, she would probably have spied the gun and taken it from him. Kid kept telling her that she should not torture herself with what-ifs because there was nothing she could do now. He was right and she should be thankful to be alive... actually she was, but still she could not help but feel very rotten whenever she thought of Vinnie.

While the two women had tea and engaged in conversation, once the topic about Vinnie was passed, Louise found she was enjoying the moment so much that she almost forgot why she had come here in the first place. A silent pause gave her the cue to get down to business, and after breathing in deeply she said, "Marmee, there's something I have to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I... I'm getting married... in five weeks," Lou replied clumsily, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she felt a deep sense of relief as if she could breathe better, without the pressure that had been constant on her chest for the last couple of days.

Marmee's face was impassive and simply asked, "To that doctor?"

"Of course I'm getting married to Kid! Who else?"

Marmee ignored her annoyed comment and added, "You two seem to be in a heck of a hurry to wed." She stopped briefly and without any apparent signs of uneasiness the nun blurted out, "Are you pregnant, Louise?"

At her question Lou did not know whether to laugh or cry; she was too stunned and simply exclaimed, "Of course not! How could you even think something like that?" Actually, the comment would not have surprised her so much if it had come from somebody else, but it hurt her to see that the woman who knew her best had that opinion about her.

"You live with the man... so I thought..."

"We just share his apartment, not what you're implying!" Louise barked, cutting her off roughly. "Kid respects my beliefs, and for your information the reason why we're getting married is because we're in love."

Marmee had the sense to look ashamed of her lack of tact. However, she did not stop her inquisitiveness and, as Lou knew, the nun would not give up until she didn't utter the last of her thoughts about the matter. "Louise, are you sure of what you're going to do? Marriage is a very serious commitment... something you can't take lightly."

"I'm completely sure," Lou stated firmly even though she had previously had her doubts about the viability of this marriage. Actually, she was afraid that she might not be able to be a good wife to Kid, but her heart belonged to him and marrying him was what she most desired. "This is what I want, Marmee, what I really want."

The nun nodded and without changing her impassive expression, she said, "You know something, Louise? Those were your exact words when you came to me saying you wanted to devote your life to God. What if in a few years' time you decide that marriage isn't for you either? What will you do then? Leave that man in the same way you left God?"

At her words Lou's cheeks flamed with utter irritation. "That's very unfair of you!" Lou exclaimed loudly, her clear, angered voice resounding in the silence of the place. "I was a good nun for over twelve years. I was very happy during that time and never wanted anything else, but as you told me once, God had other plans for me when He threw Kid in my way. God only knows how I struggled and fought against my awakening feelings with all my willpower. This is not something I sought willingly, but it happened. I wasn't able to do anything against it. I love him and he loves me, and I'm not going to feel ashamed of this. I want to join my life to his. That's all I want."

Lou's eyes were bright with unshed tears, which made Marmee see she had talked out of turn and even offended her. She was a woman who spoke her mind whatever the circumstances and without softening what she felt with silly words, but at the same time she was the first to admit her mistakes. "Forgive me, sweetheart. I had no call to say that. You're right," the nun said, taking Lou's hand and giving it a good squeeze. She paused or just a brief spell and then continued, "Tell me something, Louise. Are you happy?"

Lou kept thoughtful for a few seconds, earnestly considering the nun's question. "I am now," she replied with a smile that lit up her whole face, "since the moment I started accepting my feelings and learned to value what I have. I was wretched and miserable for a while... couldn't understand why my life had to change, but once I learned to accept God's will, things changed..."

Marmee nodded sadly as she added, "Louise, you know that this saddens me terribly. You were the perfect sister... you were so good and could have done so much for this community, but now... now you're gonna be just a wife."

"Marmee, I was never perfect... I'm not perfect," Lou replied. "And I'm the same woman... only in love." She let out a sigh and after a moment's pause she asked, "So... Mother, does all this mean you aren't going to be at my wedding?"

"Oh no, Louise!" the nun exclaimed. "I couldn't miss my little girl's wedding for anything, could I?" Lou smiled ruefully as she hugged Marmee. This was not how she'd have liked to announce her news. Of course she knew beforehand that Mother would not be overjoyed but deep inside Lou had hoped that things would have gone smoother than this. Marmee would come to her wedding, but knowing what she really thought of her decision to break her vows break Lou completely.

Louise did not stay much longer in the convent after that conversation and when she walked out of the place, Kid was waiting for her on a bench. She sat down morosely next to him and after studying her for a few seconds in silence, he said, "I see she's upset you."

Louise shrugged her shoulders in indifference as she added, "Well... she didn't say anything I didn't expect."

"Then why do you look so distraught?" he asked, sliding an arm around her shoulders while Lou rested her head against his chest.

"Deep down I hoped she could understand me and feel happy for me. I know she understands why my life had to change, but she seems unable to share my joy. I guess I'd probably feel the same in her place."

"Lou, that's something you cannot do anything about."

"I know."

They both remained in companionable silence for a few minutes and then Kid asked, "You hungry, Lou?"

"I guess," Louise replied unenthusiastically.

"Then let me buy you something in the diner at the end of the street," Kid suggested and the couple left the bench and headed for the place.

There was just one free table next to the big window and Louise quickly sank down on the wide seat, but other than a few people here and there the place was actually quite deserted. Kid remained on his feet and resting his palms on the table, he leaned towards her and said in a whisper, "Lou, I'm afraid I need to pop to the restroom. I had two coffees and a milkshake while I was waiting for you, and I'm about to burst."

Louise chuckled as he dashed towards the toilet as if he had ants in his pants. As he disappeared from her sight, she focused her attention on the menu. Actually, she was starving but could not make up her mind about what to have now. As she went through the list of dishes for the third time, a male voice reached her ears. "Well, well, look who we have here." Louise lifted her eyes and her skin blanched as she came face to face with the image that had haunted her for many years. "I heard you weren't a little nun anymore," he said as he planted both hands on the table and his head came closer to her. "What happened, Louise? Did you get tired of being a good girl and want to take part in this wicked world of ours?"

Louise was panicking as the images from the past became more vivid than ever. The sensations multiplied, and she thought she was going to be sick. Yet, her proud nature kept repeating in her mind that she could not allow this filthy guy win over her. She was stronger, older now and if she let him terrorize her, she would never escape from his invisible clutches. "Leave me alone!" she barked as she tried to stand up, but he roughly thumped his hand on her shoulder, making her plop on the seat again.

"Not so quick, Sis," he said, keeping his hand on her shoulder, and he started massaging it with evident intentions. "You know, that's not the way to treat an old friend."

"You're not my friend!" Louise barked, attracting the attention of a few people at the nearby tables. She tried to remove his hand from her shoulder, but he clutched onto it strongly. Lou's whole body was tense, and she felt like throwing up on feeling his touch.

"You know something, little nun? I have thought a lot about you over the years. It's kind of interesting for a man to realize that a woman gave something to you alone... something that no other man has ever got to taste."

"I didn't give you anything! You stole it!"

Louise tried to break free, but his comments and his presence were too much for her. He was too strong and despite her resolution, she knew she was a shadow of the person she actually was in normal circumstances. "Louise," he continued. "You know this is a very happy coincidence... very happy indeed. God has brought us together, don't you think? So I'm ready to comply with God's will and repeat those sweet moments we shared so long ago... I'm really longing for you."

Louise's breath quickened, and as if she were a mad woman, she started screaming at the top of her voice and blindly hitting him with both her hands. The man laughed at her reaction and her poor attempts, and he simply strengthened his hold on her. Suddenly, he felt a very strong pull from behind and before he could react, a fist found his way on his jaw line and he fell on the floor. As he lifted his eyes, he came face to face with a man's furious face. Before he could register what was happening, the blue-eyed man grabbed him by his collar and gruffly threw him against a wall.

"Listen to me... you filthy piece of crap!" Kid barked in a loud, threatening tone. "If you get close to her again ... or I get wind of you bothering another woman, be sure I'll hound and hunt you like a worthless dog! May God have mercy on you because I'm not going to have any!"

With a strong push Kid finally let go of him, and without further ado the doctor dashed out of the restaurant. He had seen Lou slip out of the place during his confrontation with that guy and desperately he ran to find her. Once in the street he found her inside his car, looking visibly tense as she stared unblinkingly ahead of her. Kid got in the vehicle, but Lou remained in the same pose and did not even move a muscle. "Lou...?"

Louise turned her head towards him and with a weak voice she asked, "Yes, Kid?"

"Are... are you all right?"

Lou let out a sigh and after a brief lapse she said, "I was so scared when I saw him... actually, I was in a panic... but I... I feel OK now. Kid, despite everything, I managed to control that fear... I really did and I feel fine... really fine." Her voice grew in intensity as her own mood did. "I feel rotten but at the same time I feel great. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I guess and I'm glad," he exclaimed as he took her hand in his. "He'll never harm you again... I promise."

Louise frowned at his words and asked, "What did you do to him"

"Much less than he deserves," Kid let out bitterly. "I won't stain my hands with the likes of him. He's not worth it... But Lou, if he ever tries to harm you again, I won't hesitate to make him pay." He had never wished ill to anybody, but when he had seen that man hovering and touching Lou, he had felt an uncontrollable desire to kill him. He had recognized him from that time in the restaurant months ago and without even being aware of what he was doing, he had simply leapt on him blindly. Naturally he had had the sense to control himself because in the state he had found himself, he might have been able to do anything.

"Please don't say that," Louise exclaimed with a contrite expression as a shiver coursed all over her body. "You're a good and sensible man... a man of science, and you know things can't get solved with those means."

"Lou, I'm just a man in love, and I won't let anybody hurt you," he said, and lifting her hand to his lips, he kissed it. "You don't have to worry. You've got nothing to fear. That creep is a cowardly dog. You're safe." Lou nodded and he added, "You know I'm very proud of you."

Louise smiled and leaning forward she rested her head on his chest while encircling her hands around his body. Kid's arms instantly clasped around her frame and as she listened to his heartbeat and soft breathing, she started to relax. It was true that facing that scary ghost had proved to her that she could get over anything. She still had a long way to go, though, but the knowledge that Kid was with her made her feel safe and relieved.

Today had been one of the strangest days in her life; first her disagreement with Marmee and then that disturbing encounter in the diner. Yet, right now nothing of that mattered. She had the support and love of a wonderful man and suddenly her fears about their coming marriage disappeared. She knew that it was going to work and nothing would spoil it... not even her.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

"Come on, Lou. Don't be so sluggish!" Kid called as his girlfriend kept lagging behind on purpose.

"Maybe... maybe we could leave this for tomorrow," she said when she caught up with him.

Kid stood before her and taking her hands, he looked into her eyes and added, "Lou, today or tomorrow... nothing's gonna change."

Lou made an unhappy gesture. He was right; she had been putting the thing off too many times before, and it was high time she mustered the courage and did it once and for all. Dr. Schneider had told her that she had to face her fears little by little, among which was her phobia to swimming pools. There was a pool in the hospital for the department of physical therapy, and Kid had suggested going there when daily activity had finished. Lou had thought it was a great idea; she didn't feel like facing something so frightening for her in a place that might be full of strangers, so she had accepted. But the thought that the pool would be empty did not make the moment easier. Three times before today she had been ready to take the step, but she had backed out at the last minute. The mere notion scared the wits out of her and things weren't very different today.

"Kid, I can live perfectly happy without having to be near a swimming pool."

"That's true... but Lou, do you want to be scared of a place all your life? Is that what you really want?"

Louise shook her head with a rueful expression. "I guess you're right," she muttered between gritted teeth.

Kid did not say anything else and simply resumed his walking, pulling her along. Louise let herself be steered but as they approached the place, she started to panic and her heart pounded in her chest with such a force that its beating seemed to be the only sound that Lou could hear in her head.

When they reached the hall and got inside, the smell of chlorine quickly penetrated her nostrils and Louise brought her hand to cover her nose in an attempt to block the whiff of nauseating blood that she actually smelled. Kid turned to her and asked, "Lou, what's wrong?"

"I can't stand the smell... the smell of blood... I think I'm gonna be sick," Lou replied with a nasal voice, her eyes bright and her skin sickly pale.

Kid did not reply to her words and coming closer to the edge of the swimming pool, he crouched and collected some water in his cupped hand. As he walked back to Louise, he said, "Lou, you and I work in an environment where we're in constant contact with blood. You know how blood smells, and this is just water." He brought his hand over hers, pulling it off her nose and drew his other hand with the water near her face.

Lou scrunched her countenance in horror and disgust while she exclaimed, "Oh God!"

"Lou, breathe in," Kid instructed gently. "It's just water... only water."

Louise closed her eyes while inhaling and exhaling nervously, trying to control the growing urge to vomit. Kid continued talking to her in soft tones and little by little she felt more and more relaxed. She even took a dare and buried her face in his hand, feeling the water on her skin and tasting it on her lips. As she lifted her head and opened her eyes to him, Kid was smiling and asked, "Are you feeling all right?"

"I... I guess," Louise replied vaguely. She could not actually say how she was feeling because she did not know. This was so strange, and all she wanted was to be done with all this as quickly as possible.

"Ready to jump then?" Kid asked again.

"Only if you jump with me," Louise replied. Since she was already there, she wanted to tackle the matter that had haunted her for so many years. She told herself that she could do it... this could not win over her.

"Always... you know that.

Kid turned around as he stripped down to his swimming trunks. He wanted to give her some privacy while she took off her sweatpants and T-shirt. The situation was not easy for her, and he did not want to make her more uncomfortable by gawking at her figure, which he knew he would do without fail.

The touch of her thin fingers intertwining his strong ones made him turn back to her timidly, and his eyes almost popped on seeing her body wrapped in the black swimsuit Emily had given her during that weekend away. "You look beautiful... you are beautiful."

Louise smiled despite feeling jittery. With their hands joined, the couple came closer to the edge of the swimming pool and her hand squeezed his more and more tightly with anxiety. Their eyes locked in a silent exchange, and Lou crouched and sat just on the rim of the pool nervously. Kid had slid into the water and as he floated, he raised his arms over his head and exclaimed, "Lou, come and join me, please." She did not obey straightaway and after a few seconds she crept closer. Her legs came into contact with the water and the moment she felt the fresh sensation on her body, her skin crawled in disgust. Lou told herself that she could not back out now and closing her eyes she gave herself a push and fell in the water. A piercing scream left her lips when her head resurfaced and Kid's arms instantly came to hold her around her waist.

"Hey... hey, Lou, listen to me. I'm here... there's nothing to be afraid of. It's just water, honey, only that."

"Oh Kid!" she cried, feeling as if she was living in total agony. "I can't ... I can't."

"Of course you can," he tried to encourage her. "You know you can." He paused and then he asked when he felt her relax in his arms. "What about a nice, pleasant swim to that wall?"

Louise looked at the spot Kid was pointing at, and she thought that the distance was simply too immense. She had no energy to do so, but she wanted to try... she had to, so in the end she nodded reluctantly. As soon as Kid's arms let go of her, she found herself sinking down and struggling underwater despite the fact that the pool was fairly shallow. Her limbs moved desperately, panicky but she could not reach the surface. Water was getting into her mouth, making her weaker and weaker, and when she thought she could not struggle anymore, a couple of strong arms grabbed her and she was pushed towards the surface. As soon as she emerged, she was overwhelmed by coughs.

"Lou! Lou!" he called breathlessly in a desperate voice. He had been frantic with fear when Louise had gone underwater and those few minutes he had been unable to reach her had felt like hours. "Lou..."

Louise nodded her head, letting him know she was all right, and when the cough subsided, she rested her head against one of the walls in the pool while her hands held onto Kid's shoulders for dear life. "I... I'm fine," she wheezed as she tried to get her breath back.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all," Kid said. "Let's get out of here."

"No!" Lou exclaimed, shaking her head energetically. "I want to do this. I need to do this!"

"All right... as you wish."

"Let's try again... just don't let go of me, please," she said and breathing in deeply, she positioned herself to give it another go. Kid floated next to her, holding her by the waist. Smoothly she started advancing towards her aim, the wall that Kid had mentioned. Every stroke and second felt like a terrible effort even though she tried her hardest to disregard the sensations invading her mind. Her whole self urged her to give up and stop, but she was a proud and stubborn woman and continued regardless. At some point she even pushed Kid away and continued on her own and after what seemed like an eternity, she finally reached the end. As her head came up to the surface, she saw Kid swimming towards her and when he reached her, he exclaimed with a big smile, "You did it, Lou. You did it!"

"Can we go now?" she replied, unable to share his glee at all, and before he could say anything either way, she pushed herself out of the pool. Kid came after her and turning towards him, Louise wrapped her arms around his wet figure and added in a miserable voice, "I need a shower... like right now."

She was about to flee, but he stopped her. "Lou, you all right?"

"Yeah..." she replied gruffly, somehow annoyed by his interruption. She could not stand the sensation of this smelly water on her skin and needed to get rid of all the sensations that were torturing her. "I just need a shower... please."

Kid nodded, a gesture that she did not even see as she ran to the ladies' changing room as if the very devil was after her. He followed suit and got changed quickly. Lou reappeared a few minutes later and without exchanging a word, the couple left the place. As they walked towards the exit, he asked, "Are you sure you're all right?"

"Yeah... I guess I am. I still felt weird and kind of sick there, but I think if I keep trying, I'll bee able to get over that," Lou admitted.

"You know... I'm very proud of you," Kid whispered, leaning towards her and planting a quick peck on her right cheek. Louise smiled, obviously pleased by his words and after that tiny pause, he asked, "So eager to try tomorrow again?"

"Tomorrow?" Louise exclaimed, shocked by his suggestion. She had thought that she could repeat the experience some day the following week but not so soon. Yet, on seeing his expression, she knew she had to relent. "All right... tomorrow then."

"That's my girl!"

Lou did not show the satisfaction that he did. The minutes she had spent in the pool had been a totally anguishing experience, and in fact she did not look forward to a repeat of that. Yet, she also knew that she could not stop from trying if she wanted to get past that completely. She had taken the first step, which was the hardest, and all she needed was to keep trying. At sixteen she had adored swimming and she actually wished she could enjoy the same feeling again.

The couple reached the car and drove off. As the vehicle rolled along through the congested traffic, neither spoke much, both lost in their own thoughts. At some point Kid's cell phone rang, almost startling them and breaking the smooth silence that had settled between them. "Honey, could you get that for me, please?" he asked without averting his eyes from the windshield as he drove.

Louise picked up the phone from the dashboard where Kid had left it and glimpsing at the screen she noticed the number was unlisted. Without further ado she jabbed the answer button and pressed the phone against her ear. "Hello?... Yeah, this is his phone but he is driving at the moment... I see... Yeah... one moment, please." Lou covered the microphone with her hand and turning to Kid, she said, "Kid, it's somebody called ... uh... Martin something. I didn't catch his last name. He says you were supposed to phone him."

"Oh yeah..." he replied. "Lou, could you connect the hands-off option for me?" Louise did so after telling the man on the phone and when his voice was heard, Kid greeted him warmly. "Hey, Martin. How's it going?"

"Good, good, thank you." There was a brief pause before the man continued. "Kid, when we talked, you said you'd be back to me in a few days. It's been almost a week... Is it you've decided against it?"

"Uh... no, not really," Kid replied hesitantly, eying Lou sideways. "Thing is I haven't had the chance to talk to my fiancée yet." As he mentioned her, Lou looked at him curiously, wondering what all this was about, and she kept listening to the conversation more intently now. "We're up to our eyes in work and with the wedding... things are kind of crazy lately."

"When are you getting hitched?"

"In a couple of weeks," Kid replied with a bright smile. "Uh... listen, Martin. I'll call you sometime tonight and give you an answer. Is that all right?"

"Yeah, fine."

"Talk to you then," Kid concluded and after the two men exchanged good-byes, the line went dead and Lou pressed the hang-up button. Curiosity was killing her and she didn't waste any time to ask him, "What was that, Kid?"

He didn't answer straightaway and after a few seconds, he said in a very serious tone, "We need to talk, Lou."

"You're scaring me..."

"It's nothing bad," he simply said and after driving for a few more minutes, he finally found a parking space a few blocks further, where he stopped the car and cut the ignition.

"Kid, can this wait until we get home?" Lou asked, clueless at what he was up to. Actually, she was dying to know and couldn't wait, but she was simply checking how serious this mysterious business was.

"I want to tell you now."

"Then I'm all ears," Lou concluded as she folded her arms over her chest and adopted a listening pose.

"Lou... uh... what were you supposed to do this coming summer before we... before we started?" he asked.

"What's that got to do with this?" Louise asked instead.

"Answer the question, Lou."

She made an impatient gesture and said, "Well... I had to travel to Somalia... go as a missionary."

Kid nodded and continued, "My friend Martin... the one I've just talked to... he is a representative of "Doctors Without Borders" and... well... seems they'd be pleased to have a soon-to-be married couple of doctors... actually, they're in urgent need of obstetricians in Rwanda."

Lou stared at him flabbergasted. "You're kidding, aren't you?"

"Apart from the day I proposed to you, I've never been more serious than right now," he answered. "I know this is something you wanted to do... Lou, you've given up so much for me... for us... and I really need to do this for you."

"Kid, no... you have it all wrong, honey. I left my past life because here is where I want to be... next to you. Loving someone always means to sacrifice a part of you... but it's a sweet sacrifice. I know you've put aside things for my sake too. You don't need to do anything else."

"But, Lou, this is something I really want to do with you," he rejoined. "You were right... I was leading a very shallow kind of life... going to the social hall with you has really woken me up."

"I never said you were shallow!" Lou protested. She had always teased him because of the way he had cared for his luxurious car, but she had never thought he was a superficial man. Actually, she believed he was a thoughtful person who cared about his patients and friends greatly. "You don't need to prove that to me. I already know."

"But Lou…"

"Working in a country with a complicated political situation is nothing to take lightly, Kid. It's really hard... and you have to be very strong and sure to face terrible circumstances on a daily basis."

"Lou, I know that! I'm not stupid!" he exclaimed, slightly irritated.

"I didn't say you were!"

"Besides, Martin showed me some slides when I went to see him."

Louise frowned at his comment and asked, "And when did you do all this?"

"One of the days you and your sister went hunting for your wedding dress." Louise nodded and Kid carried on, "So, Lou, what is going to be? What shall I tell Martin?"

"You're definitely serious."

"Lou, if you don't want to go for it, it's OK... but please don't say no for my sake because I do want this," Kid said, looking into her eyes intently.

Louise brought her hand over her mouth as a nervous giggle left her lips. "And when are we expected to be ready?"

"Well, we're getting married in a couple of weeks, and after our honeymoon, you still have a month to complete the fellowship. So I guess during that time we can arrange the paperwork, get the shots and give Teaspoon enough time to find somebody to replace me. So I imagine we'll be ready to board the project in July or August."

Louise smiled brightly and exclaimed, "We are doing it, aren't we, Kid, aren't we?"

"I gather we are, honey. We're going to Africa," he said and among laughs the two of them reached for each other and joined in a long and hot kiss.

A bit later the couple finally got to the building where they lived. All the way Kid had been telling Lou everything that his friend had told him... the project they'd be joining, about the town where they'd fly to, about the situation in the country, about the clinic they'd be working in. Louise heard him with total attention and kept asking him question after question. She was totally excited with the plan and she felt as if she was given more than she had ever desired. She was very lucky indeed, and all she could think of was all the gifts she had been granted in this life. The ordeals and bad times she had gone through didn't matter right now as she watched the man by her side.

As Kid and Lou walked out of the elevator, they were surprised to find Theresa sitting on the floor just in front of the door in the hallway. "It's high time you two showed up!" Theresa exclaimed as she scrambled to her feet. "I've been waiting for hours… my darn cell phone has gone dead. Where on earth have you been?"

"Swimming," Kid simply replied, sharing a smile with his fiancée and searching for his keys in his pants pocket.

"Swimming... great," Theresa replied sarcastically. "Yeah, I remember you were crazy about it years ago, weren't you, Lou?"

Louie did not want to talk about it, and while Kid proceeded to open the front door, she asked, "And what are you doing here, Tessie?"

"I came for you," her sister replied.

"What?" Louise exclaimed with a frown.

"You're moving out to live with me in these weeks before the wedding. So let's go!"

"What are you saying?" Kid turned to his soon-to-be sister-in-law with an unpleasant expression.

"Kid, my sister... your future wife... is marrying you in two weeks in case you don't know... and there's still so much for us girls to do... things that you men have no idea about whatsoever... Besides, we are decent, Catholic girls and the custom is for the bride to leave for the church from her family's residence and not from the groom's nest. She'll come back here with you when she becomes your lawful, wedded wife." Turning to Lou and hooking her arm around hers, the younger woman said, "Come on, let's go, sis."

"Theresa, where did you get all that from?" Lou asked annoyed.

"People might not mind it, but it's the tradition… I read it somewhere. Besides I want to spend this time with you… I want to. Come on… let's go," Theresa repeated after her vague explanation.

"But, Tessie, my things... I ..."

"I'm sure Kid won't mind to pack a few clothes for you and take them to the hospital. You can borrow some of mine today... we need to go now. Annie is with a babysitter and I'm already running late. Bye, Kid!"

Before the man could answer or Lou could react, Theresa had practically dragged her sister back into the elevator. Through the door Louise exchanged an amused look with her fiancé and shrugged her shoulders and as the door slid closed, she only heard Kid's voice saying, "I'll call you later."


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

"I can't believe you're going away after all," Theresa complained as she stirred the sugar in her cup of tea. She and Lou were to meet Emily at this coffee shop and then they were going to the wedding shop for Lou's last fitting with her dress. "I thought marriage would cut your wings."

Louise sighed wearily. She had already lost count of the times they had the same conversation in the week she had stayed at Theresa's. Her sister had almost had an attack when she had first told her that Kid and she planned to leave for Rwanda in the summer. After that, Theresa did not miss a single opportunity to complain about her sister's decision and try to change her mind. "Tessie, this is something Kid and I feel very strongly about... you know that."

"I hate to think that you aren't going to be close," Theresa continued her protests. "You're my only sister, and now that you're gonna get married, I thought we could see each other more often... you know, share things."

"Honey, I'm going to miss you too," Louise voiced what her sister's vague comment had clearly implied, "but, well, you know this is the era of communication... there's Internet, the phone or we can even resort to the traditional system of letter writing!"

"Yeah, and have the Pony Express deliver the mail to your door!" Theresa replied sarcastically. "You know it's not the same! I already went through this when you were in Guam. It wasn't nice, and I would have liked to have my sister with me when I was pregnant with Annie!"

"I know," Lou muttered uncomfortably.

"And Lou, have you thought what you're gonna do if you get pregnant there in the wild?" Theresa insisted. "You might pick up some strange disease and pass it to the baby! Have you given any thought to that, Louise?"

Lou internally cringed as she listened to her sister. She did not feel comfortable with the topic, so instead of answering Theresa's question, she simply said, "Remember that the man I'm marrying is one of the best obstetricians in this city. Besides, I thought you were the one who wanted to get pregnant?"

Theresa snorted bitterly. "I don't think that's going to happen... at least not now."

Her words and her mood intrigued Lou instantly and after taking a sip of her tea, she asked, "Is there anything wrong, Tessie?"

Theresa shrugged her shoulders in indifference as she replied to her sister's question, "It's just... lately I have doubts that my husband knows I exist."

"What?" Louise exclaimed with a frown.

"Seems all I'm to him is the woman who looks after his daughter, cleans his house and keeps his bed warm. Of course I'm not going to play with him at night when he hardly looks at me during the day... Gosh, he pays more attention to everybody else but his wife, even to you!"

"Have you talked to him, Tessie?"

Theresa shook her head wryly. "Lou, I think there's another woman, and I'm too scared to know for sure."

"That's impossible, honey," Louise replied as she squeezed her arm encouragingly. "David loves you... I still remember the crazy stunts he pulled to impress you when you first went together." Lou let out a peal of laughter before she said, "Remember when he snuck into the convent to see you and hid in Sister Frances's room by mistake. Poor woman got a heck of a scare... she thought he was a thief and almost called the police."

Theresa smiled ruefully at the tale, but could not bring herself to join her sister's mirth. "That's what I used to like about him. He was so spontaneous and totally crazy... but he's changed. I don't know if he's got bored with me... or if married life is killing the passion between us." Theresa let out a sigh and added, "You know, you still have time to back out of this mess you're so eager to step into."

"Tessie..."

"Yeah... don't say anything," Theresa let out ironically. "Kid's different and can't do anything wrong to your smitten eyes."

"Tessie, Kid's not different... I just think that you should talk to your husband. I've learned the hard way that's the key to make things work. Kid and I almost lost each other because I felt unable to talk to him about what worried me. But since we tell each other everything, our relationship has really improved."

"Yeah... I can see that," Theresa replied and before she could add anything else, Emily showed up, interrupting the moment of confidences between the two sisters. The receptionist joined them for coffee and a piece of apple pie, and when they were done, they set off to their business.

About half an hour later, Lou stood before a full-length mirror, wrapped in white layers of silk and net. The seamstress was pinning the hem of the skirt while her friend and her sister stared at her with pleased expressions.

"Oh Lou, you look beautiful!" Emily exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Yeah?" was all Louise replied to the compliment. She did not feel very comfortable in this attire. This was the most modest dress she had found, but she looked at her figure in the mirror, she could hardly recognize herself. This was not her and if she could, she would get married in jeans instead of this gown. She could not deny the dress was beautiful. It was not so low-cut as the dozens she had seen and tried on but Lou still felt too weird. The dress was straight, reaching her feet and framed her body and highlighted her curves. The silky material was cut above her chest, and a lacy net insert covered the rest of the way to her neck.

"Kid's going to be very pleased when he sees you like this," Theresa added.

"I still feel a bit awkward in this thing," Louise admitted weakly.

"You should listen to your friends, Ma'am. This dress seems to be made just for you," the shop assistant said before excusing herself and leaving the three women in the fitting area.

"She's right... you know," Emily offered.

"Yeah... I imagine she's got no interest whatsoever in the commission she's going to get from this purchase," Lou replied sarcastically as she walked to the fitting booth to slide off the dress.

Emily and Theresa exchanged an amused look from the other side of the curtain. They knew Lou could be quite difficult and a handful to deal with in these matters. It had taken them days of visiting every shop in the city before Lou had made up her mind about the dress and still she did not feel satisfied. "Lou," the receptionist called, trying to divert the attention to other matters, "I imagine this isn't the first wedding dress you've worn, is it?"

Louise frowned as she struggled to slide the dress from her shoulders in the tiny cubicle. "What do you mean by that?"

"Once I saw a movie about nuns... they were wearing nice wedding dresses the day of their profession," Emily explained. "That's a wedding to God, isn't it?"

"Well... yeah, it is like that... sometimes, but in my order we simply wear our habit... the Sunday one for the occasion. That's all."

Theresa nodded, confirming Lou's words, and added, "The community has quite simple tastes in their philosophy. The ceremony where my sister took her perpetual vows was quite impressive actually. There was a moment she had to lie face down on the floor of the church as the bishop granted her his blessing. Strange, but nice."

The curtain in the booth opened abruptly and Lou stepped out with an unhappy expression. "Theresa, don't talk about things you don't know anything about!"

"I know what I'm saying! I was there!" Theresa retorted gruffly.

"You don't even know what that means!" Lou said and walked past the two other women towards the main shop. She gave the dress to the shop assistant for the last alterations and after conveying their thanks, the three women left the place. As they stepped out, Lou bumped into a passer-by and when she lifted her eyes, she found a familiar face looking at her. "My, Jimmy! I can't even get rid of you outside the clinic!"

The doctor grinned amused. "Hello, ladies! What are you up to?" the man greeted them and spying the shop the woman had just left, he added, "Shopping for the big day, Lou?"

"Yeah... something like that," Louise replied, rolling her eyes.

"And she's being a total pest," Emily joked. "Isn't she, Tessie?"

Theresa nodded as she locked eyes with Jimmy, who was smiling in her direction. Lou noticed the silent exchange between the two of them and said, "Jimmy, do you remember my sister?"

"Of course. How could I forget such a beautiful woman?" he replied as he dramatically took Theresa's hand in his and kissed it in an old-fashioned way.

Lou made an unhappy gesture and aware of Jimmy's reputation with women, she added, "Then you'll also remember that she's married and a mother of a three-year-old." Since the matter with Sarah Downs, Jimmy had not had a serious relationship with a woman but that did not mean he was leading a totally chaste life, but rather the opposite. He always hung out with different women and even though he never talked to Lou directly about his conquests for evident reasons, unwillingly or not she heard of them when he indiscreetly boasted with his other colleagues. Even though this womanizing streak of his did not bother Lou too much, if he tried something with her sister, then that was another story.

"Well, Lou, I'm not the jealous type... you know that," Jimmy said without averting his eyes from Theresa.

"Me neither," the young woman replied, evidently pleased with the doctor's flirtatious looks and words.

Emily was chuckling amusedly but Lou did not find the situation humorous at all and decided to take matters in her hands. "Look, Jimmy. It's been nice seeing you, but we gotta go now."

Lou hooked her arm around Theresa's and almost yanked her from the place, dragging her along. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Theresa Dickinson," Louise exclaimed irritated.

Hearing her sister's angry voice, Theresa forced herself to look away from Jimmy's figure in the distance and said, "Why? I wasn't doing anything wrong."

"You were flirting with him!"

Theresa grinned wickedly and added, "Sure I was! And Lou, if I were in your shoes, working with such a hot guy like him, I'd do much more than innocently flirting!"

Lou stopped and stared at her sister as if Tessie had slapped her across the face. She could not believe that Teresa could be so blatant. On seeing her expression of shock, Theresa burst out laughing as she exclaimed, "I was joking! For God's sake, relax or you'll have an attack."

"Don't mix God in your dirty games!" Lou retorted, not liking her sister's playfulness at all.

"Girls, please calm down!" Emily cut in, trying to soothe things between the two sisters. "What if we drop into this shop?" she asked as she pointed at the place she was referring to.

"Uhm... good choice, Em," Theresa agreed.

"A lingerie shop?" Louise let out with evident unease.

"How's your underwear, Lou, ... you know for your passionate nights with Kid?" the receptionist asked with a crooked smile.

"I don't need to buy anything and..."

"Don't believe a word she says," Theresa said, cutting her sister off. "I've had a look at her "delicates" and they look like something not even my grandmother would wear in her day... you know, quite 'nunnish'."

Both girls burst out laughing once again while Lou remained with a serious expression. The afternoon was proving to be much longer than she had thought. Theresa and Emily did not miss a single opportunity to tease her, and she was getting tired of it all. She had often heard that brides felt like princesses during these special days, but Lou did not feel very special, but rather the opposite... like Cinderella with her two wicked stepsisters, and she just could not wait for her prince to show up and save her from these two. Kid was supposed to pick her up later and they would go to therapy for a co-session and strangely she was even looking forward to that time with Dr. Schneider.

Emily and Theresa scurried into the shop and quickly started to rummage among the stalls of underwear, selecting different garments for Louise. The doctor joined them and as she grasped one of the pieces Theresa had in her hand, her eyes widened in shock. It was a tiny throng, made of just a scarce bit of flimsy material. "Tessie, I can't wear that! It's totally indecent!" Lou exclaimed as she held the panties in front of her eyes.

"Lou, you aren't going to keep anything on for long that night," Emily replied. "Kid will surely snatch any stitch off your body."

Involuntarily, Lou shivered at the implications behind Emily's words as images of the terrible day that a man had gruffly tore off her swimsuit came to her mind, but she breathed in deeply, trying to hush the thought. She told herself that Emily was talking about Kid, the man she loved and he would never hurt her.

"Lou..." Theresa called, interrupting her train of thought, while sharing a mischievous look with Emily. "I was wondering... has... has he ever seen you ... uh... you know... stark naked?"

"No! Of course not!"

"And you him?" Emily added. "Have you seen him... you know... in the flesh?"

"No...no!" Lou exclaimed, blushing hotly. "Well... we go swimming regularly and... I've seen him in his trunks."

"That doesn't count, Lou. That hides his best treasure," Emily replied, sniggering amused. "To tell you the truth, it's incredible that you haven't tried to get a discreet peek when he's in the shower... after all, you've lived together for months."

"I couldn't do something like that! It would be totally outrageous!" Lou exclaimed, shocked at Emily's suggestion. "That would be like violating his privacy."

"Lou, for goodness' sake, it's not a crime or anything!" Theresa exclaimed. "He's your fiancé, and I imagine he wouldn't mind. In your case I'd have explored every inch and crevice of his hot body long ago... and I don't mean only with my eyes."

"Me too," Emily admitted among giggles.

Louise stared at them with a disgusted expression. "Stop talking about him like that! You girls are... are... totally nuts."

"Lou, you're such a prude," Theresa remarked, exchanging a glance with Emily. "You've always been."

"I'm not a prude!" Louise retorted, folding her arms over her chest. "It's just... well... I guess I'm a little worried about... you know... being with Kid in the biblical sense."

"Lou, there's nothing to be afraid of," Emily said.

"And once you do it, you'll wish you'd tried it before," Theresa added.

"There are no secrets to it... it's like ... uh... learning to ride a bike."

"Actually it is in more than one sense," Theresa commented, which made Emily join her in a hysterical fit of laughter.

Louise shook her head to the girls' silly behavior and glancing at her watch she said, "Let's go and pay for what you have here." She wanted to hurry up and finish with this as quickly as possible.

"Aren't you going to try these on?" Theresa asked as she pointed at the several sexy negligees she was holding.

"Uh no... I'm sure they'll fit. I don't have time to try anything on," Louise replied, having a second glimpse at her watch. "I'm meeting Kid in half an hour."

Emily and Theresa made disappointed faces. "But, Lou, I thought today was for us girls," her sister said in a whining voice. "Why don't you call him and cancel your date?"

"It's not a date... I have an appointment with Dr. Schneider."

"With the psychiatrist?" Emily asked, surprised. "I didn't know you were in therapy for the shooting, Lou."

"It isn't for that."

"Then what?" Theresa asked.

Louise did not answer as they were before the checkout counter and after paying for the garments her sister and Emily had picked for her, she led the way out, followed by the other two girls.

"Lou, you haven't answered us," Teresa insisted.

Louise slowed down until she stopped, and turned her eyes to the two women. "You sound very mysterious," Emily remarked.

Lou stood there in silence, wondering whether to tell them because she knew they would not give up so easily. Dr. Schneider had told her that her recovery also implied she should be open about the matter, so she finally reached a decision. She breathed in deeply and asked, "Tessie... uh... do you remember the time when you were moved out of the bedroom we shared in the convent because... because I had mumps?"

"Gosh... that was ages ago!" Theresa exclaimed. "How old was I then? Nine or so. And I had to sleep with that conceited girl... Nancy Peterson."

The expression on Theresa's face would have made her laugh in other circumstances, but Lou remained serious as she carried on in a weak voice. "I... I've never had the mumps... Uh... the truth was that ... I... I was assaulted."

"Assaulted?" Emily repeated, her face scrunched up with a confused frown.

"I... I was ... I was raped," Lou finally managed to say. "And ... well... and even though it happened years ago, I still have issues about the matter... especially now that I'm with Kid," she explained, her eyes directed to the toes of her shoes as she felt unable to look at the two women.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, tears of shame, pain and disbelief covered Theresa's eyes while Emily stared at Lou in shock. They painfully realized that their innocent teasing about Lou's seeming prudishness became a callous joke which clearly contrasted with the reality that her behavior actually hid. Theresa let out a guttural sob, which made Lou look up and notice how upset she was. "Please Tessie, don't cry. It's fine. It happened like an eternity ago and I'm better now. I just need to fix a few things... only that."

"I'm so sorry..." Theresa wailed. "I didn't mean to make fun of that... I was cruel and insensitive... but I never meant to hurt you."

"You didn't, silly," Lou tried to reassure her and without minding the funny looks that passers-by gave them, she drew Theresa in a tight embrace. Over her sister's shoulder, she smiled at Emily, who had not said a word since she had spilled the beans, and stretching her arm to her, she reached for her hand and gave her a strong squeeze. This was not the reaction she had expected from them; she would have thought that they would be somehow surprised and even full of pity, but it was as if they felt they had committed a major sin against her with their behavior. Lou did not see it that way. What happened was in the past and she did not want to be treated differently. Even though she sometimes found it hard to cope with their comments, she knew neither her sister nor friend meant any harm and she was actually glad to be part of their world. She would not want it any other way, but now while she listened to Theresa's sobs and watched Emily's astonished expression, she felt very fortunate to have people who laughed and suffered alongside her in such a genuine way. This was part of her life and she absolutely adored it.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

Sunday dawned bright and early, but for Lou the sun had not set the previous day since she had not been able to sleep a wink all night long. Today was the day, she thought as she slipped out of bed. This was it; she was getting married. The idea both excited and scared her at the same time. She couldn't wait to start a life with Kid, but she couldn't help but wonder in apprehension if she would be the wife he deserved. Those fears were what had kept her awake last night as she had prayed to God that the marriage she was going to be blessed into would succeed. Her main concern was Kid and making him happy. She had to believe she could, and this morning as she looked at her figure clad in her pajamas in the full-length mirror, she told herself to forget her worries and focus on the special moment she was about to live.

"Good morning!" Theresa called, pushing the door open. "Ready for your big day?"

"I guess… I'm quite nervous."

Theresa smiled, feeling as if she were the elder sister when the case was the opposite. "It's natural… You remember how I was on my wedding day? I was like jelly… even worse. You don't have to worry. Things are gonna be fine."

"Yeah… I know."

"Then let's have some breakfast before we get you dressed. Emily phoned and is on her way here."

Like Theresa had rightly said, their friend got to the apartment as the family was finishing their breakfast. They were in a cheerful mood, especially since the two women's brother, Jeremiah, had arrived yesterday to attend his elder sister's wedding.

Emily and Theresa got down to business and helped Lou to get ready. Despite their insistence for many days, Louise had flatly refused to hire somebody to do her hair. She kept repeating that she did not want to make a fuss over her wedding; she wanted it to be as simple as possible. No frills, she had continually said. To their disappointment the two girls did not manage to persuade her, and Theresa was surprised that after all her sister had consented to wear a traditional wedding dress. Being quite skilful, Emily was the one who did Lou's hair as best as she could. Even though it had grown quite considerably, it reached slightly below her ears. With that length there was nothing much that could be done other than let it down. Emily had pinned down some small white flowers on both sides of her head, and Lou actually looked very nice. When Emily and Theresa had mentioned make-up, Lou had protested strongly, but with a great dose of persuasion they had finally convinced her, and Louise had let them add a few light touches of compact powder to her face and some lip gloss.

"You look incredible," Theresa breathed as she saw the reflection of her sister in the mirror.

"I don't look like myself," Louise replied. She liked what she was seeing, but for somebody like her who was used to dressing in a casual way, all this made her feel very strange.

"Well, that's the idea," Emily added with a grin.

"So, Em, tell us, when's your turn?" Theresa asked as she continued smoothing the material in her sister's dress. "When are you going to make an honest man out of Ike?"

"Maybe one of these days… but we're more likely to elope and get married unannounced," Emily replied as she handed Lou the bouquet of white lilies.

"Kid and I should have done that," Lou remarked in a low voice.

"Nervous, Dr. McCloud?" Emily asked with a smile, thus trying to divert the attention from her love life.

"I guess… well… yes," Louise admitted.

Theresa and Emily exchanged a look, and the young mother dared to ask after a few seconds, "Is it… is it because of tonight, Lou?" Louise simply stared at her little sister in silence, and Theresa continued, "Lou, Kid loves you and you love him… honey, being physically with the person you're in love with is the most incredible experience… something you can't compare to anything … you know what."

"And, Lou," Emily cut in, "Kid's waited this long for you, and he won't force you to do something you don't feel ready for."

"I know," Louise answered as she lowered her eyes. What might or might not happen on her wedding night wasn't what actually worried her the most. It was the afters… what if as day after day passed, and she felt unable to perform what people called her "marital duties". What kind of wife would she be to Kid then? Louise did not voice any of this to the girls. Today was the happiest day of her life, and she wasn't going to spoil it with her negative thoughts or words. "Thank you, girls," was all she finally said, meaning every word.

"Well… we better not make your groom wait too long or he'll think you have abandoned him," Theresa teased.

Louise smiled, and followed the two women out of the bedroom where her brother and brother-in-law were waiting. "My, my. I never thought I had such a beautiful older sister!" Jeremiah exclaimed. "Is that you, Louise, or has my sister been kidnapped and left you instead?"

"Thank you, silly," Louise replied, embarrassed by her brother's compliment. She was not used to having this kind of attention from anybody, and least of all her brother. Jeremiah gave her a peck on her cheek and as she averted her eyes, she found David ogling her with a silly expression. "What?"

"You look absolutely stunning, Sister Louise!" the young man exclaimed. Lou frowned at the way he had addressed her, and David added, "Well, you are my wife's sister and my sister-in-law, aren't you? And now let me kiss the most beautiful woman on this side of the world!" Louise smiled at him, and the young man came to him and kissed her softly, a gesture that she did not expect from somebody like David. He was a special character, and had a very peculiar personality, and these outbursts were very uncommon for somebody like him.

"Well, let's get you married, Miss McCloud," Jeremiah cut in and hooking his sister's arm around his, they led the way outside.

* * *

In the little chapel a few meters from the city, Kid already waited in front of the altar. He could hardly remain still, and kept checking the time on his watch and fidgeting with his shirt collar. Jimmy stood by his side and could not help but grin at his friend's nervous behavior. "Don't worry, Kid. She's not gonna ditch you!"

"I know that!" Kid exclaimed. However, his jittery state made him consider Jimmy's words in a deeper sense. "Why are you saying that? Did she tell you anything? Is she having second thoughts about this?"

"Kid, please, relax!" Jimmy demanded a bit too loudly, which attracted the reproaching looks of a few parishioners who were in the chapel, praying as they usually did. "I was just joking," he added in a lower tone. "Didn't you call her last night?"

"Yes…"

"And what did she tell you?"

Kid smiled as he said, "That she loved me and couldn't wait to become my wife today."

"You see?"

"I guess I'm a bit nervous," Kid admitted.

"Only a bit?" Jimmy teased, and, as his eyes swept round the place, he saw Mother Mary sitting at one of the front pews. He nudged Kid, and motioning at her with his head, he asked, "How are you getting on with her?"

"We're not the best of friends… but things are better," Kid explained. "We went to the convent for dinner a few days ago and … she was quite amiable."

There was a ruckus outside the chapel that clearly indicated that the bride had arrived. "Here she is," Jimmy announced as they saw Lou's family and Emily enter and take their seats. He winked at Theresa who sat at one of the front pews next to her husband, and she responded to him with a smile. As the organ started playing, Kid's breath got caught and he did not breathe out again until the doors opened and Lou appeared, escorted by her brother. Her beauty left him breathless once again, and his eyes searched hers across the small distance that kept them apart in the small chapel.

Louise started advancing towards him slowly, without averting her eyes from his a single second. She was feeling very nervous but so happy. A small smile played at his lips, and she reciprocated the gesture, beaming blissfully as she approached the man she loved. Somehow she could actually understand what he was telling her in his silence… expressing so much just with a single look. Lou did not know how but she could read him like an open book, and she knew that he felt the same.

Louise finally reached him and without words they positioned themselves before Shane's cassocked figure. The ceremony went by quite quickly for the couple despite the length of it. Louise had wanted to have a Mass included in her wedding with the parish choir singing their hymns. The moment they pledged their vows, and exchanged rings was very moving for everybody gathered there. Shane soon pronounced them husband and wife, and as soon he granted his permission for the groom to kiss his bride, Kid joined his lips with hers. He had been longing to do so since the moment she had appeared, so he almost got lost in the kiss and forgot where he was. It was Lou who had to gently push him away as his mouth tried to gain wider access to hers. Kid blushed at the realization, and looked at her sheepishly. Already husband and wife, the ceremony continued. They shared another kiss during the sign of peace, but this time Kid made sure he controlled himself and didn't make a scene in front of everybody. Soon after that, Shane addressed the congregation with "Go in peace" and the wedding was over.

After signing their names in the registration book, the couple made their way outside the chapel. Holding onto her husband's arm, Louise could not stop smiling from ear to ear. At some point while they were walking along the aisle towards the exit, Kid leaned over and said, "You're absolutely beautiful." Louise stopped, and turned to him with an ample smile. Kid looked around and finding the place deserted as everybody was outside waiting for them, she added in a soft voice, "And now let me finish what I couldn't before, my dear wife." He slid his hands around her tiny waist, and drawing her towards him, he instantly covered her mouth with a long, passionate kiss. Louise responded intensely, and her arms clasped around his neck, trying to keep him as close to her as possible.

"Hey!" a voice resounded in the silent place, making them pull away, and it was then that they saw Cody's head showing from the door. "We're waiting, you two! Leave that for tonight!"

Louise and Kid exchanged a sheepish smile, and carried on towards the door. As soon as they stepped out, they were received by a shower of rice and rose petals. Everybody came over to congratulate them, and wish them the best. Lou felt as if she was on a cloud, in the middle of a swirl of emotions that she could hardly control. She believed she was very lucky and special as she reminded herself of the blessing she had been granted. She was now a married woman, joined forever to the man she adored with all her soul. And not only did she have his love, but that of those gathered today to share her happiness. Even Marmee had come despite everything. Lou had feared that the nun would not turn up as she had promised her, but to her utter astonishment and delight she had been there and dedicated her some very moving words. Of course the nun would not stay for the reception since she had other matters to attend to that same afternoon but it did not matter. Her coming to the wedding meant the world to Louise, and for that reason she felt totally blissful today.

All these thoughts rolled on her mind as her eyes swept through the hall where the reception was taking place. They had had a very nice meal and now the dance was at full swing.

"A penny for your thoughts," Kid said by her side.

She turned her head to him and added, "I was thinking how happy I feel."

"My, what a coincidence! I was thinking the same." Louise smiled at the same time as soft music started to waft in the place and Kid asked, "May I have the pleasure of this dance, Mrs. Kydd?" Lou wrinkled her nose at his suggestion. She was not a very graceful dancer, and when they had previously opened the dance with the traditional waltz, she had stepped on Kid's feet twice, and had almost tripped despite learning the steps from Theresa for the last couple of weeks. Kid noticed her reluctance and said, "You just need to let me lead you... it's easy... come on."

Louise begrudgingly nodded, and stretched her hand to him. As they walked to the dance floor, a small person stood on their way, smiling happily. "Hey, Melly!" Lou exclaimed and as the girl raised her hands to her, the young woman scooped her in her arms. "You look so lovely today, doesn't she, Kid?"

"The prettiest girl!" Kid replied with a smile.

"It's a new dress," Melly explained as she shyly looked at the young man. "Papa bought it for me."

Lou and Kid shared a smile. They knew that Rachel and Teaspoon had started the procedures to adopt the girl like their own. Melly had the married couple wrapped around her little finger, and Lou admitted that it was no wonder. Melinda was a sweet and adorable child, and was doing them a lot of good. Likewise the couple were the best parents that Melly could have. Lou was aware that her friends had taken Melly to a good specialist doctor for her medical problem, and was being treated for her condition in ways that she hadn't while living from charity.

Rachel and Teaspoon joined the newlyweds and the girl. The old doctor slapped Kid on the back as he said, "I'd be careful if I were you, son. Before you realize it, your wife will be asking you for one of these tiny tots."

"Oh Teaspoon!" Rachel exclaimed in a scolding tone.

Lou and Kid exchanged a sheepish smile, both feeling uncomfortable and uneasy at the implications behind their boss's words. Louise felt her stomach churn nervously as she wondered whether what Teaspoon had referred to was possible, and to her utter relief and satisfaction, Kid saved the situation and her embarrassment. "Teaspoon, whatever is in our future... let it be... as long as we're together, nothing else matters."

Lou smiled brightly, and a sigh surreptitiously escaped her lips, which made her blush as her two friends sent her a teasing look. So as to cover her shyness, she turned her attention back to the little girl in her arms and continued talking to her.

From her seat Emily was watching the exchange between Melly and her friend with a pleased expression. "They look so tender together," she remarked. "Lou's surely going to make a good mother someday."

Ike, who had been distracted, directed his eyes to what his girlfriend was pointing at. "Oh yeah..." he replied vaguely.

Emily turned towards him and out of the blue she asked, "Ike, do you ever think of having children? Wouldn't you like to be a father?"

Ike frowned at her question and said, "You know I would. We already talked about having children one day, remember?"

"And ... and what about now?" Emily asked innocently.

"What do you mean, Em?" Ike replied instead, eying her cautiously.

"I'm pregnant," she finally blurted out, her heart beating strongly in her chest as she waited for his reaction.

The news was so unexpected that for a moment he could not find his own voice and when he did, all he was able to voice was a clumsy and silly comment. "But I... I thought you were on the pill."

"Yeah... but... but I think I messed up the dates," she whispered and as his continuous silence was making her very uncomfortable, she urged him impatiently, "Ike, what's in your mind? For goodness' sake, say something."

Ike stared at her with a serious expression, and little by little his mouth shaped up in a smile. "You know what, Emily Metcalf? I love you and every day you make me a happier man."

The young woman joined in his mirth, and they both leaned to each other at the same time, sharing a soft, heart-felt kiss and forgetting everything and everybody around them. They locked eyes when they pulled away, both wanting to shout their news but knowing that this was not the time or the occasion. First they would have to have their own private celebration before sharing their happiness with everybody else. As Emily sank back on her seat, her eyes fell on Buck, who sat by himself on the other side of the room. "Have you talked to him yet?" Emily asked, tilting her head towards their friend.

"He says there's nothing to talk about."

Emily sighed sadly and exclaimed, "He shouldn't be alone at a time like this."

"I know he wouldn't appreciate my or anybody's company right now. I'm surprised he has shown up today... especially considering she's around."

As the couple exchanged their worries about Buck, they saw Jane approach him and talk to him, a conversation that the couple logically couldn't hear. "Buck?" Jane called shyly.

"What do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an unkind tone.

"I wonder if we could talk."

"Talk?" Buck repeated sarcastically. "There's nothing to talk about. I already had my explanation quite... visually last week, don't you think?"

"But if you let me explain..." Jane tried again.

"Don't bother yourself," Buck cut her off as he rose to his feet. "I already understand everything. I'm not as stupid as you think. And now if you excuse me, I need a drink... a strong one."

Before Jane could react, Buck had scurried away and with a sullen countenance the girl returned to her table. "No luck then?" asked Samantha, who was sitting beside her.

Jane shook her head sadly. "He won't hear me out. And well... I can understand his attitude... I deserve to be treated like that."

"Jane, don't be so hard on yourself. It's his problem if he doesn't want to listen to you. Men think that as soon as they catch our eyes, we're some kind of property for them," Samantha stated firmly. Even though she had no complaints in her relationship with Stephen, she still thought that no man was good and none were trustworthy.

"Sam, I think you're a bit unfair," Jane replied.

"Trust me in this. Men are all a bunch of treacherous, tricky individuals. Never give yourself completely to one man... never."

Jimmy, who was at the same table as the two women, shook his head at his colleague's radical feminist declaration and not wanting to hear any more rubbish, his eyes swept around the room curiously as a way to distract himself. A lopsided grin crossed his features as he spied a certain woman at one of the nearby tables. Lou would have his hide if she knew that he would not mind having a taste of her respectable, very married little sister. Theresa was so fresh, so charmingly cheeky that made him wish to play with her a bit. Naturally, Jimmy would not allow himself to pursue his desires since Lou was his friend and he would never do anything that could endanger their friendship. Knowing women as well as he did, he was sure that the indiscreet looks Theresa had given him the few times they had met clearly implied that she was ready to forget she had a husband if the occasion arose.

"What the hell is wrong with you, David?" Theresa asked a bit impatiently, thumping her fist on the table she was sitting at.

"Nothing," her husband replied grumpily, without even turning his eyes to his wife.

"Nothing! Nothing my foot! You've had that constipated expression on your face all day long!" Theresa exclaimed irritated.

"Maybe I don't like weddings."

"Well... that would be a first time. It wasn't like that last month when your friend Larry got married! You even took over from the singer on the stage and made a fool of yourself in front of everybody!"

For the first time David shifted his eyes from the guests dancing around his sister-in-law and her new husband, and looked at his wife. Theresa stared back at him expectantly, hoping to hear an explanation about his weird mood, but to her utter irritation David just said, "I better step outside for a breath of fresh air. This place is kind of stuffy. I'll take Annie with me."

Before Theresa could react, her husband had stood up and scooped their daughter up in his arms. All she managed to utter was a simple warning before he walked away. "And don't smoke in front of Annie!"

David did not even look back, and Teresa sighed, suddenly feeling hurt and lonely. She had tried to join in her sister's happy day but having to bear David's attitude had proved too much for her. He had not talked more than a few words all day and the young woman just did not know what to make of his strange mood. She had first noticed these changes in him a few months ago; at the beginning she had not taken them seriously but as time went by and things got worse, she had ended up admitting that something was the matter with her husband. The idea that there was another woman was the most logical explanation to all this. However, it didn't make sense. When did David have the occasion to cheat on her? He worked long hours and always came straight home after work. There was no funny business or lame excuses to stay away. His life was divided between work and his home; so despite all the signs and his weird behavior, it was quite improbable that he was having an affair. Or maybe it was somebody from his office he saw there. She had never liked his secretary, but the notion of David and that woman together was simply ridiculous. So if there was no other woman, what the hell was happening with him?

"Do you mind if I join you?"

Theresa lifted her eyes to the voice, and her mouth stretched into a big smile as she saw the person who addressed her. "Of course not, Dr. Hickok."

"Please call me Jimmy," he replied with a grin as he sat next to her. "Or do I look that old to you?"

"Some conceited moron you are!" Theresa exclaimed among giggles. "And now you expect me to say that you look young and handsome."

"Then you think I'm handsome?" Jimmy remarked flirtatiously.

"I didn't say that..." Theresa replied in the same playful tone.

"Unlike you, Ma'am, I have no problem in saying that you look beautiful... as a matter of fact, you're the prettiest woman in the place," Jimmy whispered while moving his chair a few inches closer to her. "But I gather I'm not saying anything you haven't heard today."

Theresa smiled, blushing hotly. "Actually, you're the first person who's noticed my looks at all."

Jimmy frowned at her comment. Somehow her words made him wonder whether there was something wrong with her marriage. He had previously watched her and her husband having some kind of argument, and then he had walked away. Once she was on her own, Jimmy had not been able to resist the temptation to go to her even though a shrieking voice in his mind told him not to. "Everybody must be blind then," he finally managed to say.

"Thank you."

A new tune started to sound in the hall, which Jimmy took as a cue for his next step. "Would you like to dance and show off your beautiful figure?"

Theresa grinned and after a brief hesitation, she said, "All right. Let's dance!"

They joined the other people on the dance floor. The music was soft and romantic. Jimmy took her hand and as he rested his on her slender waist, he drew her closer to him. Theresa beamed pleasantly as they started to swing. She had already forgotten her irritation with David, and for the first time today she was having fun. "You're quite the dancer, Dr. Hickok," she remarked teasingly.

"I'll tell you a secret if you promise you won't breathe a word of this to your sister or Kid," Jimmy replied.

"What is it?"

"I go to dance classes," he explained and at Theresa's surprised expression he added, "It's one of the extra activities in the gym I go to...and I decided to give it a try."

"Yeah... and try the ladies there in the process," Theresa remarked sarcastically.

Jimmy let out a peal of laughter. "That too... but it's more fun than I thought."

They lapsed into silence for a few seconds, and the young woman said, "I should really join a gym. I still haven't lost the weight I gained during my pregnancy."

Jimmy thought that her figure was flawless, and in his opinion she did not have to lose a single ounce. Yet, he added something that would land him in dangerous terrain. "You should join the one I go to. I can even get you a good reduction in the fee. The director is a patient and a good friend of mine. And well... if you do, I'd have another reason to go there... you know... apart from the dance classes."

Theresa smiled flirtatiously. She knew the kind of man Jimmy was, a womanizer. If she let her guard down, she would be another notch on his bedpost... even today. Actually, the idea of having one night stand with Jimmy did not displease her at all... there was nothing wrong in getting some pleasure without complications. After all, David might be doing it with that horse face of his secretary. However, her Catholic upbringing weighed on her conscience, and she doubted she would actually be able to share a night with another man without regrets. It was true that Jimmy was not asking anything from her, nothing she would not want to give him and she did nothing wrong if she came across him from time to time, did she?

* * *

Startled, she clutched her arms around his neck as she felt her body being lifted. "Kid!" she protested as he carried her under the threshold of the apartment. Her protests died in her lips as his mouth covered hers in a long, sultry kiss, which left both of them breathless.

"I love you, Louise," he breathed in without letting go of her as he stared in her big eyes intently.

"I love you too," she replied, feeling as if her chest was going to burst open of sheer happiness. And when the seconds passed and he did not make any indication to put her down on the floor, she added, "So, Kid, now that we're married, is this the way I'm supposed to go everywhere or can I actually walk?"

Kid laughed as he let her back down on the floor, but his hands remained intertwined with hers. "You tired?" he asked breezily.

"Well... I'm ready to go to bed."

Despite her words, Kid did not move, and let her take the lead. Louise made her way to the master bedroom, steering him along. When they stepped inside, she turned to him and whispered, "I better get changed out of this dress." Kid nodded, and she disappeared into the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later she stepped back into the bedroom... fifteen minutes that had seemed like an eternity to Kid, unsure of what to do. Not wanting her to think he was pressing her, he had not dared to sit on the bed or strip down. Whatever she decided to do, he wanted this night to be special. Louise reappeared wearing one of the negligees Theresa and Emily had made her buy. Of course she had chosen the most discreet one, which still was too obvious for her taste. Kid stared at her wide-eyed, and Louise shyly walked up to him. Her hands were shaking and as a way to hide her nerves she clutched the flimsy material of her light gown. As she reached him, she pushed herself on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his lips while her hands reached to undo the knot of his tie.

"Lou..."

"What?" she let out in a whisper.

"We don't have to do anything you're not ready for," he said as she continued planting kisses on his cheek.

At his words she lifted her eyes to him and said with a resolute expression, "Kid, let's jump into the pool. Let's do it."

"You sure, Lou?"

"Yes, I am. I want to be with you."

Kid breathed in deeply and for one brief moment he stood still, not sure how to proceed. "I'm kind of nervous," Kid admitted with a smile.

"Me too," she agreed, giggling.

His trembling hands started to undo the tiny buttons of her flimsy gown, sliding it off her shoulders. Her body clad in the delicate negligee looked so enticing and sweet that he could not help to reach for her and brush his hand over her breasts. Lou closed her eyes, feeling her whole body stir at his touch. His lips captured hers once again and she responded with as much passion as he put in it. His hands traveled from her breasts to her waist, her arms clasping it gently and then he lifted her off the floor. She let out a disappointed groan as his lips left hers but a playful smile lit her features as he moved her towards the bed. Almost as an automatic reaction to keep her steady, her arms clasped around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist. Feeling his desire for her through her clothes, she suddenly tensed and a weird sensation coursed all over her body. Whether he noticed it or not, she could not tell and Louise tried to disregard those strange feelings. This was the man she loved, her husband, and there was nothing to be afraid of. She wanted them to love without restriction and nothing would spoil this magic night. Nothing.

Kid gently left her on the soft bed and he came on top of her, making sure he would not crush her with the weight of his own body. Lou did not know what Kid saw on her expression but he stopped and asked, "You sure about this, Lou? You know we can stop at any time."

His thoughtfulness filled her with immense joy and almost made her cry, but she managed to hold back the tears and said, "Please don't stop."

Kid responded by capturing her mouth while his fingers skillfully slid the straps of her negligee from her shoulders. Likewise, as their lips were engaged in their particular, and familiar terrain, her clumsy hands started to undo the buttons of his white shirt. His lips left her mouth to nuzzle her neck while his hands pushed the garment a bit lower. Louise helped him to remove the negligee totally. A shiver coursed over her body as she lay clad only in her underwear. Kid sat up on his knees and stared at her figure open-mouthed, her eyes sweeping through her smooth, white skin, only marred by the scar on her stomach. "You're so beautiful," he whispered in awe.

Louise smiled, feeling her cheeks flamed by his intent stare. Somehow the passion and longing didn't make her uncomfortable, but instead a strange desire bloomed in her insides that permeated all over her self. In a bold movement her hands reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, removing the garment in a swift motion, posing almost completely naked before his eyes. As Kid remained still, just staring at her, Lou grabbed his hand and brought it to her, which made him react. His head stooped to explore with his mouth what his hand had been massaging. His body was on fire as he kept caressing, touching, tasting, learning every single inch of her skin. Soon all fabric keeping them apart was discarded while they continued exploring each other. Kid stopped to look at her eyes, and Lou involuntarily shivered and her breath got caught as she expected the moment with mixed feelings. "Lou, are you sure you want me to carry on? I can stop," Kid whispered with a ragged voice. Her only answer to his words was to close her eyes as she got ready to join her husband completely, totally, utterly in this newly-discovered language of love.


	53. Chapter 53

**Epilogue**

"Jimmy, for goodness' sake, we want to make it to the airport, but alive!" Kid exclaimed, as his friend jumped the traffic light, which almost caused a car coming from across the street to bump into them. Today the newlyweds were flying to Rwanda, and starting a new phase in their lives in that country. Jimmy had volunteered to drive them to the airport, but had picked them up almost forty minutes late.

"I'm doing my best!" Jimmy protested.

"If you hadn't overslept, we'd already be there!" Kid reminded him in an unkind tone.

"I wonder what you did last night to make you so tired, Dr. Hickok," Lou added ironically from the back seat.

Jimmy cleared his throat, uncomfortable and tired of listening to his friends' reproachful remarks, he exclaimed, "I said I'm sorry, all right? We will get there on time... I know a shortcut."

As Jimmy's car screeched left, Lou had to grab hold of the door handle to avoid bumping her head against the car ceiling. She giggled while the bickering between her husband and her friend started again as if they were an old married couple.

Two months had passed since their wedding, and Lou could boast that her days could not get any better. Before their marriage she had had many apprehensions about married life, but little by little she had managed to leave her fears and her past life behind. She was happy that she could finally enjoy her sexuality and her love for Kid to its fullest. During this time she had continued attending Dr. Schneider's sessions, who had made her analyze how she felt after she had first made love to her husband. The first times had still been laden with a good dose of guilt and mixed feelings even though she had told herself that she was fine and wanted to enjoy those passionate encounters with her husband. Of course she could not pretend that something that had been rotting inside her for so long could disappear instantly. Yet, today two months later she looked back, and she could state that there were no funny feelings any more, but those normal feelings between a man and a woman in love. The ghosts had disappeared, and Lou hoped they were gone for good.

As Jimmy had promised, they got to the airport on time, and when they stood before the check-in desk, the lady behind the counter informed them that their plane would take off half an hour later than the scheduled time. So after all this fuss they had to wait, and Jimmy did not waste a single second to silently convey his opinion to Kid.

"Lou!" a voice called while they were talking in the terminal, and, as Louise turned to the sound of her name, she saw her sister running to them. When the young woman reached them, she exclaimed, "Where on earth have you two been? We thought that you'd miss the plane."

"Jimmy... well... he got a bit delayed," Lou explained, softening the reason they had been late.

Theresa turned her eyes to the black-haired doctor and without showing any emotion in her voice, she said, "Oh... hi Jimmy."

"Nice to see you, Theresa. How have you been?"

"Uh... fine, fine, thanks," the girl replied curtly and turning to her sister, she added, "Ike and Emily are waiting in front of the boarding gate, shall we go?"

Louise nodded and the two women led the way towards the place. Jimmy proceeded to follow them but Kid stopped him by grabbing his arm. The dark-haired doctor sent him a confused look, and Kid asked with an obviously unhappy expression, "What is going on, Jimmy?" Hickok looked at him curiously and Kid elaborated, "What the hell is going on between you and my sister-in-law?"

"What?"

"Please don't play dumb with me. Yesterday as I was driving home, I saw you two together on the street laughing and looking like the best of friends, and now you put on that pantomime as if you hadn't seen her for months."

"Did Lou see us too?" Jimmy asked, his face blanching in concern.

"No, she wasn't with me," Kid replied, and before his friend deviated from the matter, he insisted, "What's going on, Jimmy?"

Hickok kept his eyes ahead of him as he started walking. The two women were already a good distance in front of them. When he kept silent without any indication that he would talk any sooner, Kid couldn't restrain himself any longer and urged him, "Jimmy?"

"It's not what you think... Yeah, we've seen a lot of each other lately, that's true," Jimmy finally explained.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing...nothing. She's going to my gym and we usually hang out together after working out... have a drink, talk some… that's all. We just don't want Lou to know... she'd think the worst."

Kid frowned, unsure whether to believe what his friend was telling him. "Do you mean that you have just a wholesome friendship with Tessie?"

Hickok averted his eyes as he muttered, "Uh... yeah... believe me in this."

Kid eyed his friend warily, not sure if he believed what Jimmy was saying. Yesterday when he had seen them together as he was stopped at the traffic lights, their body language had told him something fishy was going on. Kid had no reason to distrust his friend's word, but knowing Jimmy, he feared that sooner or later he would want more than friendship from Tessie. "Jimmy, be careful. Theresa is married. Didn't you learn anything from your fiasco with Sarah Downs?"

"This is different," Hickok replied, irritated by the comparison. He hated the simple mention of the woman's name and it was not fair for Kid to bring up the matter now. "I like spending time with her… so what? It's not a sin."

Kid shook his head, foreseeing that a matter like that would only bring complications. "Jimmy, what am I supposed to tell Lou now?"

"You can tell her whatever you want. I'm not going to stop seeing her just because Lou might not like it. You and she are about to start a new life in a different country. You live your life, and let the rest of us live ours."

"Jimmy, please hear me out. Don't get involved with her. Just leave it here... Please do it for me and Lou."

His words were not well received by his colleague, who answered to his plea stiffly. "I told you once... my business is just my concern. Stay out of this and mind your own matters, will you?"

Kid stopped dead in his tracks, grabbing Jimmy by the elbow. "Theresa is my business. Remember, she's my sister-in-law," he stated, looking him in the eye with an irate shine.

"Oh yeah? And what are you going to do from thousands of miles away? What, Kid?"

While Kid and Jimmy had been discussing her, Theresa was bearing her sister's questions as best as she could. At a certain point they relapsed into silence and after a few minutes Lou asked, "So, Tessie, how are things between you and David?" Theresa simply shrugged her shoulders, and Lou insisted, "What does that shrug mean?"

"I guess we're fine?"

"Really?"

"Well... I've been thinking, and I guess I can't expect to have the same kind of passionate relationship as when we first got married. Routine gets in the way whether you like it or not."

"I guess you're right," Lou admitted. "You know I'm new in all this stuff, but I think you need to find and explore new ways to keep your marriage strong and alive."

"Uh... yeah... that's what I'm trying... find new ways," Theresa replied vaguely.

"You know you shouldn't fear that David might have an affair. I'm positive that he only loves you," Lou stated firmly.

"How are you so sure about that?"

"I talked to him last weekend," Lou replied, which made Theresa arch her eyebrows in surprise. David had never mentioned having talked to her sister, but that shouldn't surprise her. He never talked about anything lately. He was always in a bad mood as if he was going though a depressing spell and whenever she asked him about it, he brushed her off. Theresa was getting tired of all this and lately she only felt in a cheerful mood when she was with Jimmy. He had appeared like a breath of fresh air to her monotonous life. He was so funny, so easy to talk to, and so attractive.

"And what did my husband tell you?" Theresa asked unenthusiastically.

"Well, I've never seen him so moved and he managed to move me with his words. This is what he said, 'Lately I've realized I've only been in love with just one woman in my life and despite all these years, it still hurts to love somebody so unconditionally'. Isn't it beautiful, Tessie?" Louise exclaimed with a wide smile.

"Maybe he was talking about somebody else," Theresa replied with a bitter expression.

"Oh Tessie, don't be silly! You know he was talking about you!" Lou exclaimed and as she looked behind her, she saw her husband and Jimmy looking daggers at each other in the middle of the corridor. "What are those two up to?" she let out almost to herself as she started towards the two men.

"Probably just men's stuff," Theresa replied.

Louise walked back to the two men and exclaimed, "Kid, are you still with the same? We got here on time and Jimmy didn't mean to sleep in."

"This has nothing to do with that," Kid replied without shifting his eyes from his friend.

"Then what is it?" Louise asked with an I-have-more-patience-than-Job kind of expression while sharing a smile with her sister.

Kid looked at his friend, who had a defiant expression on his face and despite his intentions, Kid finally ended saying, , "It's nothing. Just some silly nothing."

Louise smiled and coming closer to her husband she brushed her face against his cheek while encircling his waist. "Kid, honey, you're just nervous. We'll be fine."

"I know we will," he whispered.

"Hey, you shouldn't show off how lovey-dovey you are in front of us poor souls who aren't as lucky as you to have a steady love life," Jimmy remarked, sharing a flirtatious look with Theresa, which was obviously lost to Lou's turned figure.

Louise spun around to him, chuckling as she said, "Jimmy, you should get settled with a nice girl... you know I always tell you to."

"Yeah, you're right... but all good girls are already married," he replied, looking at Theresa sideways. Kid and the girl tensed at the comment but Louise simply burst out laughing.

"Oh Jimmy, you're impossible," Lou exclaimed among giggles. "You're a good guy and it's a real shame you can't share that with somebody."

"Well, you can always ditch your husband and take me instead."

Kid came from behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist as he said teasingly, "Hickok, stay away from my wife. This woman's already taken, aren't you, darling?"

Lou smiled as he nuzzled his cheek against hers. It was then that Ike and Emily came up and greeted them. Kid let go of his wife and Louise noticed that her friend's countenance looked haggard and green. "Still feeling rough, Em?"

"This baby's gonna be my death," the receptionist whined. She had been going in and out of the bathroom since she had got up that morning like every single morning in the last couple of months. Even now her stomach was still queasy and it wouldn't surprise her if she had to take a run to the women's bathroom.

"Oh Em, don't exaggerate!" Jimmy remarked.

"Yeah... exaggerate, that's it!" she replied angrily. "I would like to see you men in this condition. You wouldn't endure a single day... a single hour!"

"Emily, honey, you're absolutely right," Theresa agreed and in that moment the flight that would take Kid and Lou across the ocean was announced in the airport terminal, the metallic voice coming from the headphones urging the passengers to go to Gate 28.

"Well, that's our plane," Kid said.

"Guys, thank you for coming to see us off," Louise added. "We're going to miss you all."

"Us too," Ike replied.

Kid nodded, and noticing that his wife was starting to get teary, he said, "Well... let's not make a fuss of this. We will see each other before long."

Lou came to hug her sister first and she whispered in her ear, "Take care of yourself, Annie and David. And please talk to him. You really have something very special."

"I will," Theresa replied and turning to Kid, the young woman added, "And you, Dr. Kydd, look after my sister. If something happens to her, I'll make you responsible."

"Tessie, for goodness' sake," Lou exclaimed, slightly irritated. "Leave the poor guy alone. Save your energies for your dealings with the mafia!"

"I promise I'll take good care of her," Kid replied, chuckling at his wife's comment. "Tessie, she's my most special treasure."

Lou shook her head, embarrassed at the election of words that her husband had decided to let escape before everybody else. She bid goodbye to Jimmy and when Kid came to do the same, he said in a low voice, just for his friend to hear, "Remember what I told you."

"And remember what I told you," Jimmy retorted, not bothering to lower his voice. "My business is my business."

Lou turned to them with curiosity and when neither seemed eager to explain themselves, she simply ignored their new disagreement. Their continuous arguments were nothing new, and she was a bit tired of worrying about them when they always ended up as friends anyways. She turned to Ike and Emily instead. "You two take care of each other and ... of course of the baby. I want lots of pictures when it's born."

"How long do you plan to stay away?" Emily asked with a husky voice, trying to hold back her tears. Her pregnancy made her too emotional and she lately cried at the drop of a hat.

"At least for a year... if things go well," Kid explained.

"But we will come back... I promise," Lou added.

The two couples exchanged hugs and Lou and Kid turned to the four for a last silent goodbye before walking away. After going through the passport control, Kid noticed the tears in her eyes. "You all right, Lou?"

"Yeah... just feeling a bit homesick already."

"Are you regretting doing this?" he asked again.

Lou shook her head. "Never. This is the way things are... the way I want them to be. I'm gonna miss them and this country, but I'm taking the most important thing with me."

"And what's that?" Kid asked with a playful smile.

"You silly," she replied. "And I'm ready to begin... to begin this new life with you."

**The End**


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